Author Topic: I think im in love with my cousin...i dont seem to realize it (HELP!!!)  (Read 2787 times)

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J

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K to break it down...

were third cousins, i grew up with her, were pretty close, her parents are my god parents, and our families are close since we manage a church together and i started having feelings for her since i was in high school... i thought it was just a crush like how you develop it everytime you seem to like the person BUT it's been going on for years now, like i always think about her and i always feel jealous when she talks to other guys and i want to be there for her all the time like a boyfriend.

i even had a dream of having a family with kids i couldn't see their faces and my wife was beside me...when i looked at her face it was her...might seem corny but after that i just couldn't stop thinking about her...i even ignored other people and kept thinking about her...

I'm (20) now a college graduate (2 years after high school and she's on her third year high school (16).

I tried to prevent myself from falling even further, since it can cause a problem in the family and even worse disrupt our church since her dad is a pastor. So i tried going out with other girls...i dated a few girls but never really worked out since i still can't develop the same feelings for them as i do for her. I also prevented myself from telling her how i feel so theres no awkwardness Incas if she doesn't feel the same way and just to stay away from problems. But as she continues her life she meets new people and i guess i don't want to regret this. I want to be closer to her.

But there are times when i just cant seem to relate to her or i just cant get anything from her...like when we chat its one word responses and she doesn't reciprocate when we chat, but when we see each other its different we seem to be social and she gives me these different gestures like she smiles when i do something or notice something weird when i play the bass during church or she always looks at me while singing and smiling when we she does back up singing...I just dint know what to do...Ive went out with other girls but I'm still clueless on what to do...

right now...i just feel ARGH cause she`s younger than me yet...i cant get this feeling off my chest...its killing me! i dint know what to do, and i miss her and want to just talk to her but sometimes when i think about my feelings for her i just dint know what to say and i just blank out...

love can be dreadful -_-

i need advice or opinions on what i should do, should i just be patient or should i move on...cause the thing is I'm still not sure if she has the same feelings cause i always get these mixed messages...

i know I'm the only one who can solve this...
but i just want to hear on what you guys would do in my situation and from there ill do my best!

-J

J

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oh i forgot to say something...
i know its not a sin in christianity to marry your cousins cause ive done extensive research and this site helped me as well...
BUT its just it today`s society, its not really welcomed for cousins no matter how far they are to engage a relationship with each other...thats what i use to think as well...until it happened to me...life is crazy aint it =P

Offline John Fake

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J,

Around here a 3rd cousin isn't much more then a stranger off of the street J... :laughter:

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Offline KC

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Yeah when you say you are third cousins, all bets are off. This will not put you near the top of the FBI's most wanted list.

It's like marrying a stranger. I giggle at first cousins once removed marrying.

Quote
BUT its just it today`s society, its not really welcomed for cousins no matter how far they are to engage a relationship with each other.

Trust me, none of your buddies will do genealogical reckoning of you and your mate. Nobody will know that you are 3rd cousins nor will they care.

Good lord, what is wrong with you man!  :grin: You are dreaming about your girl and making excuses to sabotage the relationship before it even happens.

J,

Around here a 3rd cousin isn't much more then a stranger off of the street J... :laughter:

JF

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Offline dbgtboy

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dude, i dont even know any of my 3rd cousins lol, like the others said, a 3rd cousin is pretty much the same as a stranger.

J

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so what would you do in my situation...
go for it still? and if so what ways would you approach it...cause im just clueless cause she gives me these mixed signals...and im scared cause i just dont want to ruin our good relationship if she doesnt feel the same way...

i know im asking too much but i just want to make things right cause i really care for her and dont want to lose her.

-J

Offline CoolerCool2009

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Did you ever fall for someone you know you shouldn't?
Try hard to fight your feelings, but you just couldn't?
You fall deeper with each passing day,
But try to hide it in every possible way.
She's only a friend, and nothing else--
That's the lie you keeping telling yourself.
You keep on saying she's just a bud,
But deep inside, you're falling in love.
You get so giddy when you meet her eyes,
But keep reminding yourself it isn't right.
A simple glance turns into a stare,
But you pretend that you don't care.
It's "not right" for you two to be.
Is that why you hide it so no one can see?
But how long will you pretend?
Keep lying that she's just a friend?
Perhaps your feelings you can never show.
Perhaps it's "wrong" for her to know.
Your friendship can't be risked over this,
So being her man is an impossible wish... or is it?

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing, and wishing you had?  That's the choice, the decision you have to make. Which one would hurt the most?...


In my personal experience I decided it'd hurt more never saying how I felt so I did tell her, she didn't feel the same but I never regretted it and would do it again. Hope that helps.
“Falling in love with someone isn't always going to be easy... Anger... tears... laughter.. It's when you want to be together despite it all. That's when you truly love another. I'm sure of it.”

J

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that poem you just wrote
was exactly thats going on my mind right now...

youre right though... i need to decide whether i should tell her or whether i should not...
and to tell you the truth i was and i am going to tell her anyways...its just i needed someone's opinion or say for assurance...

not knowing how she feels and telling her might be scariest thing because i wont know the outcome...

ill tell her when its time (most likely when she's old enough so theres no awkwardness since its 4 years difference)...

Thanks for that poem...did you make that up? lol

Offline Romalee

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There's always the "If you weren't my cousin I would like to go out with you...., OR You possess the qualities I look for in some one I would date...". Either of these shouldn't make her uncomfortable as you are not declaring your undying love for her.

If you should choose one of these ways, then after you have said your say then just be quiet, don't say any more. She has been given food for thought. You will get an answer. It may or may not be what you want or when you want but you have let her know that you are interested. As you say there is the age difference and that might put her off, at least for now, but your words will more than likely stick in the back of her mind.

Best wishes.

Offline CoolerCool2009

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Actually I found that poem along time ago when I was in your situation. Really made me think ya know? Good stuff. It was just so weird reading it because it was exactly how I felt. I really wonder what the man was talking about when he wrote it himself.
“Falling in love with someone isn't always going to be easy... Anger... tears... laughter.. It's when you want to be together despite it all. That's when you truly love another. I'm sure of it.”

Jermaine

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You didn't say if you two had the same last name. If you did I could understand the concern over how society would view you two no matter how far the cousinhood since people are overly simplistic about last names (somehow people will be against two people named Gray marrying even if they are say 10th cousins but would probably throw a party if Mr. Gray married Ms. Brown even if Ms. Brown was also Mr. Gray's 10th cousin but nobody knew due to the different last names).

If you don't have the same last name I doubt many people are going to razz you.

As for your dilemma, well...you said your families were close (which is rather unusual since most families become extremely distant after first cousins once removed, most people don't even know their third cousins, or at least they may know someone who is a third cousin but don't know that they are third cousins only that they are some distant cousins).

Perhaps you shouldn't declare undying love for her as Romalee suggested, but make casual suggestions to test the waters. Maybe you should just ask her out. She is just 16 after all. Take her out some time and see how she interacts - that might give you a clearer indication of how she feels and how you feel about her. No candlelit dinners though.

J

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yeah you are right, recently i decide to "test the waters" and found no indications of how she feels...
its like the more i try to be closer to her or be all "friendly"
the more she seems to pull away...like the day before thanksgiving we were at a family friend's house sitting next to each other playing footsies and just touching each other's hands(its normal for us two to do that...i think... O_o) we were just having a good time and talking about music...and of course there were friends there too...so they were big "cock-blocks" (cant think of any other term O_o)
as time went by we finished eating and she slept at the sofa...and my friend, who has this awesome talent of getting in the way of me and her ALL the time decided to sit beside her and just looked at me...(dont know why...made me feel scared sooo i just acted like it was nothing...) anyways...we got home and we texted for a bit and right when we were about to finish i was like "see you tomorrow, ill be looking foward to seeing you at thanksgiving dinner :)"

then next day i was all excited...even fixed my hair. right when i walked into the church...she looked at me THEN looks away...i found that awkward cause usually she says hi and smiles or laughs at me...and the whole night it seemed like she avoided talking to me...she even had a stomach cramp, and i tried helping her but my friend (mr cock block) decided to give her a pressure point massage on the hand...i got a bit jealous so i walked out for some fresh air...ANYWAYS fast fowarding...everytime i tried talking to her this WHOLE week (chatting) she gives me one word or one sentence responses and doesnt even reciprocate...feels like to me. shes pulling away and today at church...she didnt talk to me as much as before like its awkward silence...

i didnt even go all the way i just said "ill be looking foward to seeing you tomorrow" and this all happened in a week...pretty sad... :(

makes me want to give up the fight which i hardly even started...

God i wish we werent cousins...makes it sooo much easier :(

Darien

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K.

First off i know that mixed messages are heaps :bleep: confusing even i have em. im in your situation but with my first cousin lol. now with my cousin 1 week she's like talking to me a lot 1 week the next she doesnt even look at me. so the week when she does talk to you just look at her straight in the eye but dont look at the white or iris look at the pupil if its large then thats the message if it tiny tiny then its harder to tell. also sometimes especially with cousin mixed messages can mean they have feelings for you. its just they're denying it for cousins they deny it because they thinks its gross but for normal people they like you but they don't think you like them back so theyre scared lol. so you touch eachothers hand thats that means she might like you but u say that normal so... she lieks you!!! you dont say its normal for you guys unless you liek eachother!!! i hope that made sence but if it didnt let me explain. if its not normal then you are just starting to "like" eachother. you said you'ved "had feelings" for her since high school so heres somehting for you too think about was the touchy thing there before you knew you liked her if not then u go up and tell her. if so then my point is a dead point