Author Topic: Is my cousin love now flirting with my sister...need your opinions (very long)  (Read 2855 times)

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Offline Confused and in love

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I have been having a secret relationship with my first cousin for about 5 months. Our relationship has transpired into something that I did not want.  It is purely a "physical" relationship now.  We have weekly "encounters" and probably talk or text on the phone one a week.  Anyway, despite this type of relationship I have manages to fall in love with him.  I am currently singe and am only seeing him.  He, on the other hand, has a girlfriend. Before we crossed the boudaries he was always pursuing me.  he would flirt with me, he would even say things like he would marry me if i wasn't his cousin.  Now since we're seein each other things have changed.  He no longer makes me feel that he is really into me. I now feel that he is solely in this relationship for sex and I really hate that because I have fallen in love with him. I afraid to express to him how deep my feelings are out of fear that he might not want to continue the relationship. Its weird to me that he thinks its odd for cousins to date or be in love yet we are sleeping together. Go figure. 
 
Anyway, a lot of us cousins went out partying on night about 3 weeks ago and i think I saw him and my sister giving inappropriate eye contact.  Odd for me to say "inappropriate"...I know :o) Anyway, I tried to tune it out and tell myself that I was wrong. Soooo we all went out again about a week and a half ago and i noticed the same eye contact between the two of them.  i don't know if I am overeacting was just seeing things because I was drinking on both occasions.  He would normally send me a text message or call me when he leave from partying with our cousins but when we went out last week, he didn't text or call me...HE CALLED MY SISTER.  I was in the car with her when he called and I heard the conversation.  He wanted to know if she had made it home safe and asked her if I had made it some safe.  She told him that I was staying over there at my parents house that night (she still lives with my parents).  He said that he called her to "play it off" because me and him had been mad at each other and hadn't spoken for about 2 weeks before going out that night with the rest of the family. Then a couple days ago he called me and asked me how the play was that I went to go and see.  I asked him how he knew that I had been to the play and he said that he had "accidentially" texted my sister when he meant to text me and that she told him that we had went to the the play. I don't know but it all just seems ODD to me.  I am afraid that he is trying to "play" us both.  If he were there would be NO way that either of us would know because a thing like this is sooo taboo in my family no one would ever admit to doing anything like this.  So she would never mention that he was flirting with her to anybody and i would never mention it either....he knows this.  So I have no way of knowing if anything is going on between, if anything has been going on, or if she even interested him him that way.   
 
What kills me is that I am in love with him and I hate to think that something liek this is happening but there was alittle bit too much eye contact on those two occasions.  Please tell him if you think I am overeacting or is you think there is something that might be happening between them.

Offline LadyC

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he probably is flirting with your sister. from the sounds of it, he's doing more than flirting. listen, i hate to break this to ya, but whether he's wanting to fool around with her or not, this guy is a dog. he's cheating on his girlfriend with you.... so it's highly likely that he will cheat on you with someone else. this is not a guy of good character no matter how ya slice it! and now that you're feeling used, you really need to get out of this relationship. and do your sister a favor... tell her about the two of you. she needs to be aware what a dog he is too so she doesn't end up in your shoes!
« Last Edit: Dec 14, 2009, 12:19 AM by LadyC »
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Offline AnonyCouple_him

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he probably is flirting with your sister. from the sounds of it, he's doing more than flirting. listen, i hate to break this to ya, but whether he's wanting to fool around with her or not, this guy is a dog. he's cheating on his girlfriend with you.... so it's highly likely that he will cheat on you with someone else. this is not a guy of good character no matter how ya slice it! and now that you're feeling used, you really need to get out of this relationship. and do your sister a favor... tell her about the two of you. she needs to be aware what a dog he is too so she doesn't end up in your shoes!


I agree...He's acting like most of the guys out there; a dog.


I know...because I'm a guy.




You need to put your foot down and say "Drop the girlfriend, or lose me."
I know you're in love, but you don't need to be strung along by anyone--let alone someone you care about.


When you drop the ultimatum on him, be prepared to EDUCATE him on all the reasons he does NOT need to be ashamed of being in love with his cousin...(which I don't think he is--if he loved you he wouldn't act the way he is)


Show him the "New York Times" article: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/26/garden/26cousins.html?_r=3&pagewanted=all
...and some of the FACTS  mentioned on this site: http://www.cousincouples.com/?page=facts


(If you let a guy have a strictly physical relationship then he will ultimately act appropriately...CHEAP)


Sincerely,
AnonyCouple_him
EDUCATE, when you RELATE! :ok:


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Offline Confused and in love

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I must agree that I do believe that I should tell my sister so that she doesn't end up in my shoes but I don't know how to tell her.  At first I didnt want to think that he was flirting with her but lately he has been texting her.  I am going crazy by this.  I feel like Magnum P.I. or something because I keep spying because I want to get to the bottom of this situation.   i sometimes take my sister's phone when she puts it down somewhere to look thru her phonebook history to see if she has talked to him.  I looked thru her phone a few days ago and she had only spoken with him on the occasion that she told me about (twice).  I feel so depresed about this situation mainly because I thought I wsa special to him. I never thought that he would try to flirt with another cousin.  I thought there was a special bond or attraction between the 2 of us and that's why this is bothering me so.  I kinda hinted around to it to her to find out if he was flirting with her AND she flew off the handle. She was upset asked asked me why I would think she was capable of some perverted sick sh*t like that. So now i don't know if I should ask her about it or mention it to him without seeming silly????

Offline AnonyCouple_him

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I would talk to HIM, not her.


First, address the way he's treating you right now.
And, don't let him lie his way out of it, or sweet-talk you, regarding how he's treating you.
« Last Edit: Dec 14, 2009, 10:48 AM by AnonyCouple_him »
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Offline LadyC

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your sister probably flew off the handle because she doesn't know about you and him, and probably thinks that YOU were going to say something negative about them being cousins.

definitely you should talk to him. but i wouldn't say much other than "goodbye". but i'd still talk to your sister. i don't know how to go about it, and you might consider doing it in writing. give her a christmas card or something and just include a really brief warning in it.... "he's a dog, and he'll break your heart given half a chance, ask me how i know." she may or may not come to you for an explanation. but at least you've tried to warn her.

i know it probably seems odd that i am so in favor of you talking more to your sister about it, but you're sisters! that's more important than this dog... and i feel badly calling him a dog, as if it's disrespectful to the canine species LOL. but sisters should always have each other's back. if she knew about the two of you, she probably wouldn't even give him the time of day, because she wouldn't want to betray you. so when she finds that out, AND when she finds out what he's doing to you, hopefully she'll kick his sorry butt to the curb, which is where you should leave him too.

can i ask why you got involved with someone who was already involved with someone else anyway? it's never fair to have your relationship hidden like you're some blow-up doll he keeps hidden in his closet.

pardon me while i go way off topic here.... but anyone listen to tiger's mistress when she said she felt betrayed because she thought she was his only mistress? she was all depressed and hurt because she had thought what they had was special... i was flabbergasted by that comment. what made her think he'd be faithful to her, when she was already "the other woman"?

maybe that's actually not so far off topic. if you can look at someone else going through a similar situation, it might give you some clarity in your own...
« Last Edit: Dec 14, 2009, 12:05 PM by LadyC »
If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plans! ~~ Van Zandt

Offline Confused and in love

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Thank you all so much for your replies.  I don't know how to mention it to my sister.  I would love to let her know because I know that if she knew about my relationship with him there is NO way she would even entertain the idea.  I am so afraid to tell her because this is just something that is supposed to be totally off limits in our family.  I thought about mentioning it to him but if sure he would probably deny it.

Offline AnonyCouple_him

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Thank you all so much for your replies.  I don't know how to mention it to my sister.  I would love to let her know because I know that if she knew about my relationship with him there is NO way she would even entertain the idea.  I am so afraid to tell her because this is just something that is supposed to be totally off limits in our family.  I thought about mentioning it to him but if sure he would probably deny it.


As far as talking to your sister...This is a situation that could be handled with education.  Present the FACTS about cousin relationships being okay.*


* (The only potential problem I can see with this is that it might actually cause her to engage in a relationship with "the dog", because it would make it "okay." [like a green light?]
Hopefully, the fact that he's got a girlfriend, and he's already using you, would make it distasteful to her.
For this reason, I think talking to him is the most important...and talking to her might not even be necessary.
But, you could save talking to your sister for a future discussion.)


However, LadyC might know best  :smiley:

EDUCATE, when you RELATE! :ok:


Need LEGAL counsel/advice, or assistance? :read:  http://www.GreatLegalBenefit.com (video)

 
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