Author Topic: In Love with my cousin  (Read 1631 times)

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Offline yellow

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In Love with my cousin
« on: Sep 03, 2011, 06:52 PM »
I am guessing this is not a new topic for this forum. Also I am guessing I am not the first person to have fears and doubts about being in love with my cousin. This is not something I have previously even entertained the idea of doing so I do not have any road map to go by.

We are both 31, I am a single bachelor, she is divorced with two children. We had not seen each other for more that ten years until a few months ago when we have been brought together by a family funeral. It may sound like a cliche but it was love at first site (or first site after a long time period). We have progressed from harmless flirting to increasingly more romantic/steamy texts and facebook conversations.

I am in a considerable situation, I still feel We are at the stage to back away from this relationship without too much heartbreak on either side. Though I must admit this is not something I want to do, I think it is the right thing to do.

What do you think?

Offline Hawk

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Re: In Love with my cousin
« Reply #1 on: Sep 04, 2011, 04:06 AM »
yellow,
 I think the two of you should probably take a deep breath and have a nice long adult conversation, sans flirting and such. You are at the age where you (both) are probably realizing you are not getting any younger. If you let your heads get in the way, and you walk away from this, don't come crying to me in ~ 15 years, saying, "What if we had only _____." Realize this, you are in for a ready made family. However, they are also already family, so,,,,,
 As long as you are in friendly environs, (check the main page for state laws, I'm ASS U ME ing you both are here in the States) I would say proceed with all due care as you would any other relationship. Be advised though, the cousin thing is want to be intense, and don't be surprised to finish each others sentences and know exactly what the other is thinking. That can be the case, and yes it is scary if you don't recognize it up front. Being a bachelor, if you look in her eyes and see your soul, you will know.
 I am curious as to why you feel walking away is the right thing. Is there a lot of drama on her part, (and don't beat me up here girls and mothers) other than the normal woman/mother drama? Or is it based on your perception of how the family will react? Is you hesitancy a result of a fear of loosing your "freedom" as a single man?
 If you do not want to walk away from this, then don't. The "gut" reaction is usually the right one. If you are down deep feeling like this is something you have never felt before, then you are probably right in wanting more. There are no guarantees in life. Cousins are human too, and sometimes it doesn't work out. But if you don't find out now whether it will work or not, you may find yourself in the untenable position later of being in relationships, and then deciding, "Oh, hey, we should be together." Then you are looking at four people being hurt as opposed to two...... 
« Last Edit: Sep 04, 2011, 04:14 AM by Hawk »

Offline yellow

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Re: In Love with my cousin
« Reply #2 on: Sep 04, 2011, 05:50 AM »
Thankyou for taking the time to answer Hawk. I think you have been a big help to us. Just to clarify we are in the United Kingdom, cousin relationships here are not against the law, they are nowhere close to being socially tolerated.

You are right to assume their is a lot of drama on her part, just the fact her ex was a bit of a bastard. Of course the whole extended family thing is daunting and a large part is moving from being a free and single guy to being a fulltime boyfriend/husband and father.

However, I have had other relationships with women and none have been this intense so fast. I think about her constantly and what you have said is true, we do finish each others sentences and seem to know what the other is thinking.  :biggrin:

We are meeting up together this afternoon  :hug: I'll try and speak to her in a serious way and see where this is going.

Offline MadlyInLove

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Re: In Love with my cousin
« Reply #3 on: Sep 07, 2011, 12:48 PM »
I say, go for it!! Tell her how you feel and figure out how she feels and move forward from there! :) you guys are at a perfect age your family doesnt control you so who cares what they think! If yiu guys are happy and in love, that's all that matters! <3

Offline yellow

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Re: In Love with my cousin
« Reply #4 on: Oct 04, 2011, 03:49 AM »
Hello all,

Just an update on our situation.

My cousin and myself are in a proper full relationship! I can't thank you all here enough.

Offline crazygirl21

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Re: In Love with my cousin
« Reply #5 on: Oct 04, 2011, 01:36 PM »
I am so happy for you!!! How do her children feel about it? Have you told your families?
"The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever."

Offline yellow

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Re: In Love with my cousin
« Reply #6 on: Oct 11, 2011, 04:04 AM »
Sorry it has taken such a long time to respond. Our extended family has been surprisingly relaxed about the whole thing. They are not exactly falling over themselves with enthusiasm, but most have been supportive and no one in hostile about it. Her children seem OK with it, but I imagine they are still checking me out like any potential boyfriend for their mother.

The physical aspect of our relationship was a little daunting at first, but not anymore.  :rolleyes:

Offline Deeplyinlove

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Re: In Love with my cousin
« Reply #7 on: Oct 14, 2011, 10:26 PM »
I noticed the physical part of our relationship was not insinc with our feelings.  Funny how you think your body will be reacting as passionately as your mind thinks.  It's taken more time to let it take off completely, but no doubt it is as fulfilling each and every step of the way!  It's been a voyage of discovery, and I appreciate him and the journey because it is real!  It's not the least bit fake.  And it is delicious!  it makes me so happy, and he feels so loved, it is truly wonderful!

I believe in true love, even to the point of risking that I could loose it.  So far two years of it has filled me with a rich heart,  and if it ended tomorrow at least my love tank was filled to the brim and I have love to spare!

Just love and be loved.  Don't worry what will become of it.  Be true to your heart!

Offline luvher4ever

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Re: In Love with my cousin
« Reply #8 on: Oct 16, 2011, 09:43 PM »
Hello, yellow,

Since you're in the UK, you might like to know about a book on cousin-marriages in English history.  Adam Kuper, Incest & Influence: the Private Life of Bourgeois England (Harvard University Press, 2009).  It's about cousin marriages, mostly in the 18th-19th centuries.  I think the use of the word "incest" in the title is a sales gimmick, because cousin marriages are not incestuous.  Anyway, it's a fascinating look at how certain leading families, such as the Darwins and Wedgwoods, the incredible Rothschild family, and a whole bunch of intellectuals whose family trees went in circles.  For most of the period discussed, the burning issue was not cousin-marriage, but marriage with a deceased wife's sister, which was prohibited.  It's a good read, perhaps not for practical advice but at least for comparison!   :biggrin:

Offline saurav

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Re: In Love with my cousin
« Reply #9 on: Oct 18, 2011, 10:02 AM »
i also love my cousin and we cannot stay without each other... if you wish we can help eachother. contact me at sauravsony5u@gmail.com








I am guessing this is not a new topic for this forum. Also I am guessing I am not the first person to have fears and doubts about being in love with my cousin. This is not something I have previously even entertained the idea of doing so I do not have any road map to go by.

We are both 31, I am a single bachelor, she is divorced with two children. We had not seen each other for more that ten years until a few months ago when we have been brought together by a family funeral. It may sound like a cliche but it was love at first site (or first site after a long time period). We have progressed from harmless flirting to increasingly more romantic/steamy texts and facebook conversations.

I am in a considerable situation, I still feel We are at the stage to back away from this relationship without too much heartbreak on either side. Though I must admit this is not something I want to do, I think it is the right thing to do.

What do you think?

Offline yellow

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Re: In Love with my cousin
« Reply #10 on: Jan 15, 2012, 09:52 AM »
Hi there,

Just an update. My cousin and myself are now to my mind a real couple. We have spend our first Christmas and New Year together and have discussed moving in together. I am so glad we decided to start this relationship.

Offline Jellybean

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Re: In Love with my cousin
« Reply #11 on: Jan 15, 2012, 10:19 AM »
Glad to read you are happy in your relationship and all is working out for you. I only found this site today but feel so much better already about my feelings for my cousin having read so many happy stories.
Also makes me feel a bit better knowing you're here in UK too  :smiley:

Best wishes to you both for a happy future.
Jellybean
Laugh uncontrollably, Love unconditionally.

Offline yellow

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Re: In Love with my cousin
« Reply #12 on: Jan 16, 2012, 01:24 PM »
Thanks. Where are you in the UK?

Offline yellow

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Re: In Love with my cousin
« Reply #13 on: Jan 16, 2012, 06:50 PM »
That's great. I live in Glasgow, we plan on moving in together in Glasgow too.

Offline yellow

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Re: In Love with my cousin
« Reply #14 on: Apr 11, 2012, 12:57 PM »
Just an update. My cousin, her name is Kerry, we have been living together for two months now. Can't say what joy this has given me.

 
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