I believe it’s important for you to figure out what you’re deriving from your cousin, and from your bf. It may be you’re not ready to be committed to a true adult relationship. Perhaps you savor the thrill of sex and/or other motivation.
When Doris and I began, we were 12 y/o. We found, as we got older, we truly felt love for each other. It was more than sex, though we grew much in our respective sexual selves.
At 21, we decided to test the waters in an non-incestuous way. We became mainstream. I still savor the memories, and still masturbate to the memories.
We finally kissed. And then we did more. I last posted here in 2012. And after that we didnt talk anymore. But in november of 2019 we became friends again. And i wanted us to be actual friends so i wanted us to talk about what we went through before. To get over it. But it sparked up again. He first would touch my leg and then we would rub each others hands and arms. It was harmless at first. But then we drank too much one night. And he kissed me. It was like fireworks. I couldnt breathe because it was so intense. And one thing led to another and we ended up doing it in the back of his car. And now its been up and down. Weve done it a couple of times and every time, like clockwork in the morning, hell say we need to stop. Ill give him space and hell end up messaging me again. Then well hang out again and then itll happen all over again. Im gonna be living alone soon bcuz my bf found out. Yes i was cheating. Im not proud of it but it was so hard to keep away from my cousin. Im pulled towards him. Hes so interesting. Its like i experience something new everytime im around him. And he said now that im single we can do it again. Freely with no fear. But now im scared if it was only exciting because i was cheating or if it was actually real.