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  2. nasa amin po ang mga bata, kc ayam ng mga bata na pumunt sa kanilang ina?
  3. Yesterday
  4. 17 years!! Thank you for the lengthy response I will look up the book. I just don’t know what is wrong with me. If it weren’t for my kids I know what I would do. I’m going to try to do the right thing. I told my cousin earlier I needed to cut off communication to figure out if I could save my family,because talking to him is too painful. He says he understands but begged me to not stop talking to his “as cousins”. I just can’t
  5. you're not dying, it just feels like it. but that's why the first and most important step is to STOP talking to your cousin. no amount of advice we can give is going to be worth a darn thing if you don't end all communication. cold turkey. yes, it will hurt like the dickens. but believe it or not, that pain is nothing compared to the agony of dragging this out. how long have you and your husband been married? i've been married (this time) for 19 years. it hasn't always been bliss, but the number of awesome years is quickly approaching the number of not-so-fabulous ones. i promise, you can get the fire and passion back with your husband... if you WANT to. have you ever heard of the "love dare"? made popular by by the movie 'fireproof' about 7 or 8 years ago. you should get a copy. in fact, audible.com offers it free to keep with a trial subscription that you can cancel. https://tinyurl.com/freelovedare if you will read that book and follow the daily dares, it will do you far more good (in far less time) than any marriage counselor. every day you'll have a new 'dare' to accomplish. for example, the first day, your dare is to be patient and say nothing negative no matter how annoyed you get with your husband. . on day 2, your dare is to continue to be patient, but to add one random act of kindness towards your husband. Day 3, continue your resolve to not be critical towards him, and buy him something that says "i was thinking of you today". 40 days and it really can transform your marriage. but you have to be willing to try. you CAN be madly and deeply in love with your husband again if you are willing to try. so if you really want our help here, start with these two steps... get a copy of the love dare and START it. send your cousin one final text letting him know you are putting your energy into your marriage and that you are cutting off all means of communication with him. and then do so, without waiting for him to respond. if you let him respond, it will only become a major drama that steals your attention and affection from your children and your husband. once you start the dare, please keep us updated! i'd love to hear how things progress!
  6. What do you guys do to have fun

    These are excellent ideas. I'll let you know what I choose.
  7. I’m dying inside
  8. Lady C I just talked to my cousin and it kills me. Probably my favorite is on our ten year anniversary he took me to a really fancy restaurant and had a new, very nice ring, hidden in the desert at the end of our meal. I love him ,I do but the fire I feel for my cousin is unreal.im seriously thinking about making an appointment with a marriage counselor for help. If I told my husband,he would never understand.i need help.
  9. a vacation might be good!but seriously, talking about the great times you've already shared is probably the most effective way to rekindle some feelings that have gotten lost. i'd love to hear some stories of the best times you've had together!
  10. Thank you he’s definitely a good man and Father and I probably don’t deserve him. He’s always treated me like a princess. We do have a lot of good memories. Maybe a vacation or get a way is needed.
  11. good grief. i can't even make sense of the post... what kind of illiterate, inconsiderate moron doesn't bother to use any punctuation and expects a serious response?
  12. What do you guys do to have fun

    haha, don't know about the broken neck pain! so.... you're looking for some dare-devil ideas, huh? LOL. try the zip-line. hey, try an indoor sky-diving place! paint-ball... escape rooms... horseback riding! but all of those are good for special occasions... once in a while. unless you're filthy rich anyway. so how about something ya'll can do together frequently without spending a lot of money... tennis might be a good option. long walks on nature trails? oh hey, i have an idea! it's probably too late this spring for you to do it. i keep meaning to do it every year but miss the deadline every darn time. i want to take a master naturalist course. it involves class time and field work, but you learn all about the plants and animals in your area, learn what is edible, what is medicinal, and you can take extended classes to learn how to rehabilitate injured wildlife. i think it would be awesome. and an extra benefit is once you are certified you can have a nice sideline income. and it's something ya'll could to together! check it out... https://www.mecknc.gov/ParkandRec/StewardshipServices/GetInvolved/Pages/CCMN.aspx or you could get involved in something like a food pantry. i used to do that in vegas, and put lots of time in it. i am doing it again now... have a neighbor who started up a neighborhood "take what you need, leave what you can" operation two years ago. it has grown like wildfire and now we have 8 neighborhood (stand-alone) pantries and have two storage units to keep donated food... and a network of volunteers that actually deliver the food to the pantries four times a day. but there are more than just pantries... you could start volunteering together in any local charitable organization, or start one up yourselves! we have a guy that started up a "homeless church" by partnering with a local church that lets him use their building on sunday afternoons for preaching to homeless folks. many of them come for the social outlet, or for the free bread, or for a chance to get out of the cold during winter and heat during summer, but you'd be good at something like that.
  13. yes, it is grieving! no "in a way" about it! it's ok to call it grief, even if it is of your own making. hey, why don't you tell us some of your happiest memories with your husband? that will get ya started
  14. Thank you. I’m going to try this. I’ve heard of this technique before from a therapist that was helping me with the grief of my mother. It helped me then. In a way this is grieving as well even though I’ve brought this on myself and I can’t talk to anyone about it. I know you guys are right I need to figure out my marriage before I do anything with my cousin. If he loves me the way he says, he will understand. God bless you all.
  15. What do you guys do to have fun or for hobbies? I used to love to fish and prospect for gold. Fishing now seems a bit boring for a nondrinker. Also, I'm realizing, after 20-some years of marriage, how self-centered I am. I would especially like suggestions of things my wife might enjoy. Wife loves Rollercoasters. I believe in self-preservation. She does not hence a small dilemma. I'm thinking of taking her to one of those zip line outfits. Anyone done this? Also does a broken neck actually hurt as bad as it sounds?
  16. That was pretty brilliant LadyC. I suppose our greatest pearls of wisdom come from the darkest of times.
  17. Why did her dad die so young? Well you have opened yourself up pretty good. I say haha! with a very smug look on my face. Maybe it will go well or perhaps the police show up at 9am with a protection order or commitment papers. Let us know how it goes. I will send $10 to your commissary fund. I hate to be behind bars without any coffee. I'm actually a tea drinker but do you know how hard it is to find Darjeeling in the big house?
  18. Okay me my cousin just started talking on Facebook again about 2 days ago and ever since then I cannot get her outta me head like I’ve always love her as more than my 1st cousin I’m 25 n she’s 24 her dad was my dads brother before he died really young at 34 I think but me and her have always been close even back in the day from the time of bout 10 we’ve stayed in the same bed on weekends and summer break we’ve made out several times and it’s went farther than that one night while my sister who had actually kinda spoiled our plans to stay after thanksgiving dinner at our grandparents camper by our selfs she wanted to also so we went in the living room part of it and was about to have sex but the camper shook to much so we just had to deal with it but that was when we’re bout 17 18 she’s a year your and we haven’t spoken much since then me and my now ex wife went to go see her and her ex husband once and my wife I seen them in the bedroom together her n my cuz and she was playing with her under the covers like come and get us and oh I wanted to I knew she still wanted me after that but her husband at the time u know so I brushed it off but here we are 2 days ago I messaged her our grandmother and grandfather passed bout 3 months ago n we’ve made plans to go camping without the kids as she says and have fun so in my mind u know but what’s her idea u know I’ve even went to far as to bring up my ex wife n her messing around that day n saiid I wish I could have but not with ur husband there but I want more I wnna have a relationship I’ve always loved her with all my heart and she is so beautiful can someone help me plz Idk what to do cuz since I sent that no reply for over 15 hours but it’s on messenger so she really hasn’t been active for 15 hours tho but I’m so lost idk anymore
  19. and that is exactly why we're saying you have to cut ALL communication with him. block his phone number, and on all social media. and after that, you need to start training yourself to stop thinking about him. here's the method that worked for me years ago. i allowed myself x amount of time three times a day to think about the other guy. whenever he crossed my mind at other times i would tell myself "nope, not going to think about him until 7 pm for 15 minutes (or whatever time you have scheduled.) stick to it. when thoughts of him enter your mind, that's a good time to compel yourself to think about your happiest and most loving times that you've had with your husband. eventually you'll get in the habit of limiting your thoughts of your cousin. when that happens, shorten the time... maybe to ten minutes... maybe to only twice a day. i sincerely believe that is the only way to get somebody out of your head and heart. and by making yourself turn those thoughts towards your husband and happier times, you'll be getting twice the benefit for the effort, because it will be strengthening the marital bond again. i know it's easier said than done. but i know that you can do it if you set your mind to it. i know, because i did it more than once. the first time was while i was married to my ex-husband. that marriage ended up failing anyway, but it was better that it failed on its own merit and not because i was hung up on someone else. the second time i was single, but had gone through a devastating break-up with someone i'd been dating for two years. good luck to ya.
  20. Okay.. I just thought I should ask. What I am puzzled about actually is your husband. It seems like he is "okay" with all of this, you know? I'm not judging you or anything... I am trying to understand you. I will make judgments (or the lack of it) later...after getting all sufficient info to get the real picture. You said that he does not love you either. I think what you are saying is bizzare. He does not love you yet he does everything for you and even good to you and a good provider to your family? There are a lot of things you are not saying... This gives me the impression that what you really just care for is your feeling regarding your cousin...and so rather than giving you a wholistic view and advice here, you will just pick and choose what you would want. I mean, if it's your deal, then there you go.. it's up to you really -- it's your thread after all. I will just mention to you my bias: namely, the marriage thing on first post is already game over. Know what I mean? You are painting yourself in a very bad picture. I mean, you got a Mahatma Ghandi husband then in return you will crap on his head? There are lots of things going on here that I don't understand...So maybe you are just that for the lack of better word, evil..but I will let you respond. Coz I really do want to understand you... you know?? Now having said that, on to your point: you said, Let's suppose that you can marry him. Will you marry him? Will you give your affection (that you don't give to your husband right now), your heart, your soul and your body to him? Now before you say "Yes", let's suppose that he actually does not have any feeling for you. He may say that he has feelings for you but actually he just wants to get into your pants. Even more so, if you can marry him, let's pretend that your family won't get ripped apart. Say everybody will actually accept both of you, your actions and all the consequences thereof. Let's say that it will be huge paradise, wedding bells and the whole nine yards, everything is going great. Now of course you will marry him now, right? Of course you will say yes... or will you, really? Regardless of your answer, and follow me on here coz I want detailed and interactive answers on my post (otherwise, I won't waste time), now tell me what are you going to do afterwards. What do you really want to do and what do you really want to happen, my friend? Pooch
  21. LOL. I know i know... hahaha... We are all friends here, you know.. Pooch
  22. It’s past Facebook we talk and text all day. not really a fight,well we were ...but we having been living more like friends for years now. I’m not in love and I don’t think he is either. But he is good to me and a good provider for our family. He does everything that I could ever ask from a husband. But there is no connection,no meaningful conversations. No real happiness. I know people can easily judge and make me out to be a bad guy but I was hoping to get some perspective from other cousins that have been through this. It can’t be that uncommon given the nature of our relationships being so difficult to begin with.
  23. Uh, Mr Pooch, I am a guy too.
  24. Last week
  25. Hi Peaches, Two questions: 1. Are you still friends with him (or to any guy) on facebook? 2. How is your marriage with your husband? Are you guys in the middle of a fight or something? You said that he is a good guy... like, can you give more details regarding this? I wanna give you a perspective from a guy's POV. Pooch
  26. I’ve tried to cut it off more than once and keep getting sucked back in. I like to think I’m a good person and pretty smart. I don’t know how I’ve became so entangled in this. If anyone has experience I would love help on that front. Because while I know you are all right, I feel like I just can’t stop. I will be extremely heart broken. I don’t feel like my cousin is a predator because we were both having relationship issues when we started innocently chatting. He is out of his relationship now. He has asked me to marry him. I know it’s wrong but I love him. Thank you all for your help. I know I brought this on myself but I would not wish this on anyone.
  27. If I am your husband I will be deeply deeply hurt. Don't cheat on him my friend... it's not worth it! If my girlfriend talks to other guys every day for a year, I will be offended and disrespected. How do you think your husband will feel when he knows!? Gosh... Also, you said, Then it means you know your husband greatly. You know he is going to get hurt. You know his likes, his dislikes, his strengths and his weaknesses. You have been with him for years...which is definitely a good thing. If I were you Peaches, stop flirting with your cousin and be there for your husband...fix your marriage, your intimacy with him, serve him and make him feel good. You have to be strong on this one because it seems like your cousin is also messing with you knowing that you are already a married woman! What the heck!? Aaaaaannnd this is where it's gonna be and should end.... a crush. And that's it. Nothing wrong with a crush and things like that.. But to have an an affair!? No no no no..... Not cool. Pooch
  28. Good I'm so glad you took it like that! We really want to be helpful. I wish you the best.
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