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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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  1. Today
  2. Merry Christmas happy holidays

    Merry Christmas fellow cousin lovers this site has definitely been a blessing for me, thank you!
  3. It's been four months since we met and discovered feelings strong enough to leave me without adequate words to describe them. We met through Ancestry.com as distant dna matches. The connection was immediate and like none either of us have known. Most unfortunately, we are 3,704 miles, five times zones, and an ocean apart. It's been four months since we met and discovered feelings strong enough to leave me without adequate words to describe them. We met through Ancestry.com as distant dna matches. The connection was immediate and like none either of us have known. Most unfortunately, we are 3,704 miles, five times zones, and an ocean apart. It's been four months since we met and discovered feelings strong enough to leave me without adequate words to describe them. We met through Ancestry . com as distant dna matches. The connection was immediate and like none either of us have known. Most unfortunately, we are 3,704 miles, five times zones, and an ocean apart. Less than a month of communication led us to his booking a flight from England to Michigan. The wait for his trip was longer than we even knew each other. And it almost didn't happen. He started worrying that if he came here and fell hard, he would get back home and feel incredible heartache. After a few days we decided to throw caution to the wind and find out how we felt about each other in the living world. He arrived on a Tuesday in October, patiently sat through my band rehearsal that I wouldn't miss being a concert week (I play in a concert band, and he couldn't stay an extra day to hear us perform. Dress rehearsal was the next, best thing.), and then endured a nearly three hour, dark drive up north to a cabin in the woods. Not two many people who just flew eight hours and having been awake so many hours would want to go through that. By the time we got to the cabin, it was 12:30 our time. We were surrounded by beautiful trees that upon looking up revealed a circle of thousands of stars. It felt like we were in a movie. We spent five, amazing days getting to know each other, and realizing what we all ready knew before ever being in the same space. Due to unforseen events, he ended up meeting my parents. My mother knew beforehand that we are genetically connected in some way. I wasn't about to let my father know that he, too, is a distant cousin...We are related through my father's maternal line. My father and I have a "strained" relationship to say the very least. We had dinner with my parents after spending time with my grandmother (who we did plan to visit). He and my father talked the whole time. But, I guess, they have things in common, since they both grew up in Northern Ireland. My mother told me later, on the way home, that they both liked him. (She told me later that week that she didn't have a weird feeling about him, unlike everyone else I've ever been with. Unbeknownst to me until that moment.) When it came time for him to leave, I anticipated feeling sad. I couldn't have imagined waking up two mornings in a row crying for missing him. It was all I could do to consider that the days were only counting down until we could see each other again. And that wouldn't be for some months. He has since shared with the bulk of his family about our relationship. His mother, siblings, nieces, nephews, and all things considered, the "weirdest" part of it all is that I'm ten years younger than he is. He says they're all happy for him. Our next meeting will be in his world next month. I'll be flying for the first time in over fifteen years. I've never flown alone before, and the thought of security pat downs freaks me out. This trip is also a small test run to see how I might like living there. He has even arranged for me to sit in with a concert band where he lives. He doesn't want me to give up my music if I decide to start a new life there. Every day, I feel lost for words as to how strongly I feel for him. Neither of us are perfect-far from it. But he feels like the missing piece to my puzzle, and I didn't even one was missing until we met. I haven't had the best history with "men," and he has been the most understanding, caring, and considerate of my worries and apprehensions that have nothing to do with him. He is the first man that makes me feel safe, comfortable, and loved. I could never have thought the person I feel the greatest connection with, and the deepest love for, would be somehow related to me. I maybe dreamed but never believed my great love would be 3,704 miles away in what seems like a cruel act of the universe. And how could we ever think that we would meet on Ancestry . com? Just today we were talking about how neither of us even remembers that we are, somehow, related as cousins, unless we really get to thinking about it. And it is comforting, because we know that we literally have the same piece of dna in us. It's like carrying a small piece of each other at all times. It makes our connection seem that much stronger. And, well, we've joked about how our story should be an Ancestry commercial. Or one of their website videos about users who have discovered something incredible in their research via Ancestry. I fear we would receive a message from Ancestry that we are using the site wrong...
  4. Merry Christmas happy holidays

    Merry Christmas and happy holidays to all of you! This site has been an amazing resource for me and my cousin (husband of seven months now). Thanks so much for building the resources and environment to support couples like us. We really appreciate it!
  5. Yesterday
  6. hola

    She says she has a relationship with her half-uncle and she doesn´t know how to tell their family, which is weird that she posts in spanish in a english forum. I don't understand if that could be her cousin in some degree or if he's her father's half brother. Could be a troll(?) Tienes una relación con tu medio tío? Él es medio hermano de tu papá?
  7. hola

    Mi Espanol es malo. En Ingles por favor.
  8. Last week
  9. Merry Christmas happy holidays

    Merry Christmas Boss and Mrs. Boss!! Best wishes for a Very Happy and Prosperous New Year!!
  10. Merry Christmas happy holidays

    i hope you and LC are having a wonderful holiday season! may you have the merriest christmas ever!
  11. This year marks our 19th year online. I appreciate every one of you who makes this site necessary. Cuz and I have been married for 22 years now. It's crazy how time flies. I hope this website has been a blessing to you all and I consider every one of you friends. Although this has always been a free website, it's not like you can't show some love during the holidays. I prefer my love via PayPal or Bitcoins. Admin_kc@protonmail.com (PAYPAL) 1KBYfvLjNoEBYipCoKkj7jxvCgLDGSH3pp (BTC)
  12. I am in love with him and completely lost

    these idiots? listen up buttercup, this site is not about patting people on the back for their own stupidity and selfishness. and cheating on one's spouse is both of those things. romalee is one of our most trusted members here, because she has wisdom in spades. i highly recommend you reconsider how you, a newbie, speaks to those who have been around here for years. and just in case you want to get mouthy with me, let me just say that would be your quickest ticket out of here. she should have thought about that before she married him. but i'm glad in your case you chose to not start out with cheating!
  13. well it would have been easier if you were second cousins. legally, since 2005, first cousins are considered incestuous in the state of texas. however, since you are first HALF cousins, you share the same amount of DNA as first cousins once removed, which are NOT considered incestuous. so even if it ever did come up in court, i think you'd have plenty of grounds to have a case dismissed. that being said, there is no government agency that checks the biological relationship of every parent listed on every birth certificate. and even if they did, since you aren't (at this time) considering marriage, who could prove that the two of you had sex here in texas? you could have conceived while you were in oklahoma... or in any other state or country where your relationship was legal. now you can see a lawyer and get advice that is worth more than my opinions, and if you can, i encourage you to do so. but i think your boyfriend is right. there are bigger fish to fry than to try to convict one or both of you of having illegal sex. and nobody is going to take your baby away for having had sex that can't be proven as illegal (since you could have been elsewhere.) and not so long ago, the sodomy law was repealed in texas (this being before gay marriage became legal) because you can't prove what does or does not happen in the privacy of your bedroom. so unless the two of you have a video floating around somewhere of the two of you engaged in the act, or unless you have some really evil person that is hellbent on revenge over something, i'd go with your boyfriend's gut feelings on this one.
  14. Im sorry I don't know why that says second it's first half cousins. His dad is my mom's half brother so whatever that is. We aren't concerned with the marriage thing just more the birth certificate. I don't want any issues with it. Any advice helps!
  15. hola

    hola buenos dias soy nueva en esto la verdad es que me enamore de mi medio tio pero no se como decirselo a nuestros padres
  16. Long time love

    Hi. I'm new at this forum and just need to vent a little. About ten years ago (we were 15 then) my second cousin, that I didn't know very well, started flirting with me. I though it was super wierd at first, but I soon realized I was attracted to him. We met every summer in our teens, and I always tried to keep things platonic, but he didn't seem to think it as strange and I liked him too much to resist him. Now our positions are reversed. We both love each other, and I have come to terms with it, I want to be with him, but he cares more about what people think (he lives in a small village where people see everything and judge everyone) and says that it's impossible. I have realized that I really love him and I don't seem to get over him, even if we sometimes don't see each other or talk for a few months. I compare all other quys I meet to him. I have had a couple of serious relationships in between, but they haven't lasted very long. He has never had a serious girlfriend. I suppose at some point we will meet other people who we want to be with, or maybe he will eventually change his mind. I can wait and see, I don't mind being single. I also know that we are by no means perfect for each other, and we live very far apart. But if we never give our relationship a try we won't now how it would work out. One thing that bothers me though, is that I have actually told some people about us (my close friends, my sister and two of his sisters, whom I am very close with) an even though most of them don't think it's the best idea, they are used to the thought by now and want me to be happy. He, however, does not know that they know, and I'm afraid he will be upset with me for telling them. At the same time, maybe it would help for him to see that they are sort of ok with it? I'm not in a hurry to change anything, but what if I will be pining for him for the rest of my life? Am I a bit pathetic?
  17. I'm not a lawyer so I can't give any valid legal advice but even though Texas is pretty strict in regards to cousin relationships I believe second cousins can marry pretty much anywhere as far as I know so being second half cousins I would think you would be OK
  18. Why I can't fall inlove again

    Question: Why is it worse? Shouldn't it be better?! I mean, you are falling in love with a person! Why worse?! You are not telling everything here, Ms. Blu. Like, what's the reason of your guys falling out? I'm pretty sure you guys had a history. Fine. But was it your fault, his fault, or what? I mean, at least make a general story (you don't need to get into details) of what happened between the two of you 4 years ago. Like, were you guys together boyfriend-girlfriend 4 years ago? Or did he cheat on you 4 years ago that's why you guys are not together anymore? Or was it mutual and you guys are like, "Okay, this cousin relationship thing won't work for us... err.. Soooo.... we have to call it quits" 4 years ago? Anyhow, but it seems your intention is clear: that you want to forget about him..given that these feelings seems to be coming back. So allow me to respond: If he has plans with and for you, he will be back... That's all I can say for now. Pooch
  19. This is my first time confessing about my real feelings and I don't know if I can share this personally to someone. So, I'm just gonna let everything out here because I might go crazy keeping everything to myself. I'm inlove with my cousin and it's only getting worse. And the last time I checked, I thought that I had moved on but...when I saw him, everything just messed up and the walls I created just crashed. Like I done my best to stay away from him. I went to a university away from our city and did my best to missed family meetings. But fate is cruel. We met. And I got lost in his eyes. The same eyes that I adored 4 years ago and the very reason why I can't fall inlove with another person. Then, we talk. He asked me if I have a boyfriend and teased me with a lot of stuff but I got annoyed and ignored him saying "What does it have to with you?" And looked away. I thought he was going to leave and say something like apologize. But to my surprised, he just stood there staring at me (I'm not really sure. I was looking away.). He stayed like that for like a minute then, left silently. And I don't understand why. I went home confused and brokenhearted.
  20. 1st Cousins, Relationship Advice, Family Help

    Phasechange, I'm happy that I can be of an encouragement to both of you! Yeeep! I will comment on this one in a bit more detail later... Hopefully I don't forget. It's preparation for payroll on my end here today so I will be a little bit busy at work. Thanks bro. I'm glad that she doesn't hold back either. But then hey, she is 24, you are 32. If you guys are 16 and 18 respectively, I might call it young love (not saying that it's bad per se..but it's a good start.. It's just that it's way too fast and unreliable). If you guys are 40 and 42 respective, first off I won't be able to relate coz I'm not there yet. lol. But secondly, I think that's gonna be altogether a different phase. I feel like in the 40s both of you aren't gonna change. You are both set. Had some stuff in the past and had lots of history already with this and that, you know? But then the mid-20's to early 30s can be viewed in 2 ways. Either you play games, or you play serious. It's really a risk and a toss coin. If you win, you win big. If you lose, you lose big time. lol. Point is: if both of you don't hold punches, it means both of you are serious and open to one another. Good sign... But then brace yourself. You will have a lot of stuff ahead of ya... I'm glad that you guys have a 'foundation' already though. 4 years connection, 1 year exclusive and 3 months dating... By the way, may I ask during those 3 months, did you guys went out or twice? Like how did it happen? Did you visit her here in Canada or she visited New York? Yup. I really do find a lot of similarities man.. I didn't know your girlfriend is reading. Is she registered here as well? I hope she register too... It's anonymous anyways.. Unless you share your info, nobody's gonna know you if that's a worry. If she is a private person like my girlfriend, I can understand. My girlfriend knows that I am in the forum but does not read them as she really is a private one. If I can tell her something directly, it would be this: Take the time all you need. You know your mom better than anyone else. If she tells you anything contrary to your relationship with Phasechange, you do not need to answer back. Let it be. 'Know your battles' and be a good daughter. If you are working, make sure you contribute most of it to the family and not to yourself. Of course you save something, but make sure your parents are okay. The lesser argument you have with your parents, the better off you will be with your boyfriend. He understands the situation and you just gotta be happy. There will be times that you will miss him...and it's okay. Make sure you demand a time with him even if it's 2 o'clock in the morning. But if he is not available, or you are not available, chuck it off for now since you guys aren't ready. In the meantime, make sure you are okay with your parents. Contribute to the mortgage, to the utilities and to the bills. It will come a long way, believe me. The pressure will come off when you don't answer back to her. After all, all those "objections" have answers. Some may say that "you are the cousins!" and "your relationship is wrong!" and "you guys will have autistic kids!" blah blah blah.. Believe me, all of those have answers. But you don't need to give those out right now. When the time is right, you may inject some good amount of right information here and there. But if your mom is just plainly stubborn because she puts all guys (whether Phasechange, your cousin or like other guys like your siblings had, which are not cousins) under a microscope, then let her. But at the end of the day, it will remain to be her opinion. And it will still be your decision..at the right time. And you better stand firm with it. And if you stand by him, he will stand by you.. for sure! For real... We guys can take those microscope phases like men. I mean, in my experience, I never would be a 'good guy' to my uncle (my cousin-gf's dad). But I am not a 'bad guy' either. I may be a 'good guy' (good in the sense of as a person not as a nephew...maybe) in his eyes so the dissonance must be understood by both of you. Coz If you are weak (especially on your family's side), your boyfriend will be weak. Coz he does not know anything about 'Canada' and your circle of people... He thinks he knows lol but we guys are cocky as heck. You know your territory better than him. And he respects that. He has pride too, you know. But keep your options open careerwise. I don't know your situation nor Phasechange's in full. Of course there are more details and stuff. All couples are different. However, keep your options open. If you think that Phasechange's a weakling (lol. kidding bro! ) and won't be able to slay 'dragons' around you and sweep you off your feet, go to a different city --- it might help. Or better yet, look for opportunities in New York (if it's gonna be feasible) or put a business or something... Living in Canada is better though, eh? (I admit my bias despite being negative 20 where I am living now. harharhar). lol. Pooch
  21. Earlier
  22. 20/20 segment with LadyC and others.

    Thank you for this post. I have been struggling with falling in love with my second cousin. I am so grateful for this forum. This video really gives you some insight as to how ridiculous it is to ban cousin marriage. Why is everyone else allowed happiness but not us?
  23. 1st Cousins, Relationship Advice, Family Help

    Wow! Where do I start? Honestly, truly speaking from my being, your words are extremely encouraging. I came here looking for experience and man did I find it. I read and re-read what you wrote numerous times. Your words hit me hard, not in a bad way but in an emotional way. No shame in admitting it, it brought a few tears to my eyes, I had to stop and listen to music and get back to reading. My cousin, ahem I mean my girlfriend, see what I did there has been following this thread and I hope she will read it after I fall asleep later (our work schedules are different) -- I'm sure she will. Well let's continue this shall we? We are both in the same timezone, I used to think of it as a distance thing but after browsing through the forums and reading your posts here, I can see we really do have it easier despite all the hardships. She wants me to move there, and I want her to move here. I have no difficulties moving but our entire family literally is in Canada. I'm not sure I want to be around them, I feel like they would create more stress onto our relationship. I'd rather her be here away from them and I as well. At the very least, atleast my immediate family will give us support. I'm not against it though, as long as she is willing to deal with it. Sometimes it's better to remove yourself from the problem if you're not willing to fight the problem, know what i'm saying? The one thing I can say about our relationship is there is alot of honesty and openness. I hold no punches and she doesn't either. To answer your other question, no I'm not seeing or messing around with anyone else. I don't want to hurt her. She is the sun to my earth. Can't think of any other way to phrase it. I commend you and your significant other, you definitely have been through similar hurdles as we are (me and mine). I'd glad to hear things are going strong, all the best! The fact your posts are long shows alot. You clearly must find the similarities in my situation that I do with yours. Thanks, seriously for taking the time to share your insight with me (and my girlfriend who's reading). It has helped me immensely and given me hope. Maybe you can tell her something directly! She's the type of girl who needs a push to get started moving, you know? Amazing advice, thanks.
  24. Off This Website

    I want to be able to text or DM somebody immediately if I need to talk! it’s pretty easy to forget to reply on this website, you know?
  25. Sweet! Good to know and keep in touch! 😊 Pooch
  26. 1st Cousins, Relationship Advice, Family Help

    Phasechange, Thanks bro. It has been my experience too, that's why. My cousin and I did not grow together but because my family have to migrate here in Canada, we were transferred by my parents temporarily under my aunt's care. My cousin lives in the same city and the rest is history. I was 17 and she was 15 at that time. Fast forward after 15 years, we are still together... We are in the same city here and see each other everyday. Oh man.. I can tell you tons of stories. We both have ups and downs. We are just waiting for the right time and some practical circumstances... But then pretty much,.. yeah we're it. We're on this. Know what I'm sayin'? She was my only one. And she had only me. Now I am not saying that you wait for 15 years like me. Heck no. Actually, we may have waited for too long. lol. I understand that each situation and each couple is different, you know? But then looking back, if you believe in God, I believe that He was in our relationship throughout all those years. Anyhow, to briefly respond: Haha! This is so true! I have been LDR with my cousin for a long time too. And this is the time without skype or anything like that, bro... Man, we used to write hand written letters and stuff like that. Then our own private email of course which got thousands of back and forths. lol. And you get to know her. And I can say this qualification (that you can know her) because of what kind of girl she is. I feel like you got a keeper bro. Todays girls/women, at 24, they are like.. err.. I don't want to say anything offensive -- but let's just say liberated (so to speak). I'm pretty sure you already know what I mean. lol But if you said that you are her first boyfriend?! Dang... Don't mess this up bro. lol. And I am speaking in the context of between you two, ok?... In the context of between you guys and parents and family and other people other than you two, that's where it becomes a little bit more challenging. But then between just the two of you? I'm pretty sure she will love you forever...hands down. The tallest hurdle that I can see on this one, however, is the pressure on her at present. Being in a different timezone was a challenge for me and my cousin in the past. She was living in the Philippines while I am here in Canada and the timezone was the most brutal. Add to the fact that the standard of living is completely different, my reality wasn't hers and those were the rough periods in our relationships. But then with you, you are in New York and she is in Canada, if she is in Toronto or somewhere in the east, you even got the same timezone! Both of you are in North America, dude. Members here in CC lives in India, in the Philippines where I was from or somewhere more difficult and have messed up relationships and heavier baggages and whatnot. Come on man.. You said that the future is a common topic that gets brought up -- I say that's very good. Because she contributes to the relationship and she loves you. You know what, and this might be a stretch or whatnot, but take it for what it's worth: I can see you jumping ships from New York to Canada. First of all, cousin marriages are legal here in Canada. Second of all, being the guy, and being the one stronger and the braver one, you will be able to "take care of her in terms of her parents situation" when you guys are going to be closer. Now, I am not saying that you kidnap her from her parents. LOL. But I'm pretty sure that's on your mind already if not on your conversations with her.. so whatever dude, I know you will at one point or another.. You will kidnap her with permission from her parents. That's the best way to put it. hahaha. lol As for now, just do what you are doing. I think you are doing okay... If you are working in your career right now, do well and stuff but at the same time, look for opportunities as well where she is or within the city nearby. Don't worry too much on "creating more attraction" for her or whatever.. Dude, you got her already. It would be better to slay some dragons (ahem..ahem.. her mother) when the time is right and when your girlfriend is ready to fight with you. Perhaps in 2-3 years you can do it... What do you think? In the meantime though, if not too much, in order to maintain your relationship, you got to see her at least once a year...maybe two if doable. I think that would be good enough so you can provide more leverages for the two of you. You mentioned that you haven't talk to her dad for decades? You better make that one of your priorities. Ask your girlfriend how is her parents (as this is very important to her). She will gladly talk to you about them. You have to show that you are a "good son-in-law"... that you are "harmless" so to speak... and can be trusted. I know that you can only do so much at this point because it is LDR but that is what phones are for at this point. Believe me, you haven't known her like know her since you are not yet in the same city and are together. But then it's a start... Or I should say in between knowing her in a physical way and knowing her emotionally. At least, there's a restriction to the couple. That what makes it more exciting. lol. And so, LDR is a good phase too. As long as there is no pretending, and there is pure honesty, I believe it adds value to the relationship. So I support you with that. You are not dating/seeing anyone other than her, I suppose, eh? Because if you do, I'm pretty sure, if she knew about it she will be hurt big time.... X_X Yup! Exactly.. Don't worry too much on it.. You are on the right track. Hopefully. Not yet in marriage though. But pretty much we're it. We have our promise rings and stuff.. But yeah, I am just waiting for the right time and the right circumstance.. It's just that I have this feeling that "those proposal, wedding thinggie, happily ever after and whatnot" is just easy.. It's like the "graduation" part but the 5 years of studying overnight, the projects, the midterms, the group works, the walking to the school, catching the bus and working while studying and college experience...those are the real stuff. So yeah, on the one hand I am hurrying but at the same time, I am not. On her end, she understands it too. We have the same worldview, same vision and goals in life together. Our relationship has passed lots of tests too! I mean, average North American marriage I heard from the last survey was 7 years or something..? Then they end up in divorce 50% of the time..? I dunno.. something like that. But yeah, if you find a keeper, make sure you keep her and "put a fence around her" (not in a superpossessive, controlling way.. lol) but you know what I mean.. Pooch PS: Okay, my posts are becoming waaay too long. lol. But I hope I helped you in any way.
  27. Had to Get It Off My Chest. Nowhere Else to Turn

    Sorry and I also meant to add a After don't judge too harshly I am sure you're not judging FBW you just have not experienced it for yourself which is completely understandable. Also thank you Serendipity! Once I climb out of purgatory (I am doing odd jobs to jet by but honestly being in-between jobs in an expensive city is like living in purgatory) maybe my cousin and I can have a happy ending of sorts. We will see. I will definitely be sharing the outcome of our conversation in December. Thank you so much again. It was your words Pooch that encouraged me to have a serious discussion with my mother and friend about my cousin. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest. I am finally being honest with my feelings and don't feel like I am somewhere where I will constantly be shamed for feeling this way. Here's hoping there will be another chapter to my love story
  28. Yep! I am so glad that it's legal here! LOL Pooch
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