Jump to content

All Activity

This stream auto-updates     

  1. Yesterday
  2. Someone please help

    I need some advice please. Let me start by giving you the back story. We r 2 years apart in age with me being older. I am separated and have a young child. We are second cousins and we reconnected and got really close a few months ago. He became my best friend and I his. We finally told each other our feelings for each other and we went from there. We fell madly in love And have this connection like I've never felt before. I always had doubts about it because of the fact that we r related and due to my child's father I didn't want anymore drama in my life at the time, so we agreed to keep the relationship a secret. Well it took it's toll on our relationship and he ended things because of the stress of it and felt like I wouldn't let him love me because of keeping us a secret. Well his mother figured it out and was extremely supportive of us because she believes you can't help who you love, my sister found out, and a couple close friends found out. We broke up a week ago and more and more people are figuring it out. The other night he told me that he loves me and that the more and more people that find out, the more and more he wants to be with me. But then he gives me mixed signals. He will act like he cares and tells me all this stuff and then the next we don't talk for a few days. I don't know what to do and I need some help/advice please.
  3. Taking A Break: Our Story (Rant+Advice Needed)

    Oh I bet! I have experienced that too! Hmm.. Just curious. So she is not your first girlfriend, eh? I know it's the past already but I am just wanna ask... Good. Yep. Don't worry man... You got this. I really love your posts man.. You know what, sometimes it does not matter what you focus on.. But make sure that what you get into is what you really want to do. Also, if she is getting into the languages and stuff, what about getting into what she is interested in? Have you heard of being a speech therapist? I'm not sure if you want that though... But try to see what she likes and check with yourself whether you like it as well... It's not gonna be that bad, eh? Yup. Continue doing that... I believe she will appreciate it. Nope not yet... Still on the works my friend.. But getting there.. We just had to do some other things and priorities so we have to put it off but pretty much we both know that we are together til the end. Sooooo yep. Pooch
  4. We broke up

    Thanks. I felt like no one could really understand what I’m going through even if my friends are there. I’m slowly trying to put myself back. Its just difficult to accept. Is it weird that we still say “I love u” to each other? I do. It will never stop but you’re correct. Right now, I have to focus on myself.
  5. Last week
  6. Taking A Break: Our Story (Rant+Advice Needed)

    Thanks for the advice. I think you’re right. We did move pretty quick but what we had was intense from the start. I am committed and I may even sound too committed but I naturally sound like that. Whenever I get into any relationship, I always consider whether the person I’m with is someone I could possibly spent my life with. Otherwise, dating is a waste of time. Whoever I’m with I always fall for them very hard. I miss being with her but I can live in our current state for a couple of years as long as she is as committed as me to this (which I think she is. Insecurities are the only thing telling me she isn’t). I guess this stage we’re in now gives us time to cool off and enjoy each other’s company more with the little time we’ll have together. I’ll wait for her to initiate texts from now on. I didn’t expect this to be easy and I think we can survive this. We just have to be patient. I’m starting college this Summer and I don’t have a current idea on what I will major in but I don’t plan on getting a useless degree. She may only be 15 but she is almost a senior in school (she’s homeschooled) so she will be starting college at 17. She loves sign language and is fantastic with it. She even livestreams sometimes to deaf kids and talks to them. She wants to pursue that which will lead her to college in Missouri while I’ll be in Texas figuring out what I’m going to focus my life on. I’m ambitious but I lack direction. I don’t want to commit to a career that wouldn’t make me feel successful. Maybe some type of professor or engineer or maybe medicine. I have no clue. I just don’t want to disappoint her or myself with what I choose to do. To fight my seperation anxiety, I have tons of pictures and texts of her reassuring me about how she feels right now and I think that’s helping a lot for me to cope. I love her and I plan on us doing this right. Thanks for the advice and understanding. Are you and your cousin married yet?
  7. Taking A Break: Our Story (Rant+Advice Needed)

    Hi there WBT9802 Welcome to the forum. I hope you enjoy your stay here. I have read your post and honestly, this is the kind of posts I love to read... I was 18 and she was 15 when I fell in love. I have the same feeling with you in wanting to have physical touches with her (holding her hand and stuff) and at the same time resisting urges in me. She, on the other hand, is also curious about what's going on her body, in her environment, and all these feelings. You are a young couple like me and my cousin a decade or so ago... Oh, and we were caught too! We slept in the same room when I decided to sleep beside her and cuddle. Supposed to be I plan to that be just some brief time but I felt sooo comfortable and I fell asleep. And so in the morning, I was awoken by some words from the "adults" to put it mildly. Good times... Good times... Here's my response: I feel like you are a good guy. Really. You love her so much and she also feels the same. And believe me, you got her. You got her already. You got her heart. It's yours, she's yours, my brother. You. Got. The. Girl. And pretty much just take care of her and everything will go well for you in the long run. Believe me. I don't believe in the "dating game" in today's society where you "collect and select" and go from date to date and people just give their hearts to many people like cookies. That's horrible. In my experience, it is 100 times better (if not the only way) is actually to know one person deeply...as far as you can go...since you cannot know a person all too well. I am with my cousin girlfriend for more than a decade now and I am still knowing something about her every single day...and she as well is still knowing something about me every day. The "mine" so to speak is inexhaustible. That's the good news. I will give you some bad news though. Well, not really bad....but sort of given what we have here. She's yours but not yet yours. Sounds contradictory but it's a fact. You guys are on the early stage... in my 'mine' analogy above, still on the 'entrance' of the mine. And I really do hope that you guys be together in the end. You know what I'm saying? The length of your post is also an indication that you really love this person. Oh, and feels good after writing your lengthy story and clicking that "post", eh? On to my advice: Slow down a little my friend. Yes, slow it down. When I read your post, I feel like you are ready to propose to her and give her an engagement ring already or something after a week! Know what I'm saying!? And I really believe that you do that -- coz you love her. And I bet she is incredibly beautiful...And you think that she deserves it. And yes, maybe she does -- but I do not know that. You know more than I do. Nonetheless, slow it down. If you are driving a car, I feel like you are in the fifth gear big time my friend... step away from the gas for a sec and cool it down. It's becoming way to hot. I remembered my situation with my cousin and everything also happened sooo freaking fast... But I was able to slow it down. Partly, the reason is that my family has to migrate to another country as well so that also helped. However, my point is both of you should slow it down. It is going way to fast. I am not saying go full stop, nor I even said step on the breaks....but "step away from the gas". Let her miss you...Let her miss you some more... Don't go pursuing her some more.. You got her already. She likes you. She is attracted to you.. And she have those feelings at 15 and I'm not sure if she loves you in a mature way at this time, but I do believe that she loves you. This love is real to her. But at the same time dude slow down a bit. Know what I'm saying? And because you are the man, you are the one who should control the steering wheel in your relationship. She does not know this coz she's just 15. But I believe that you know what you are doing ('...that would make my own parents in their 30 year marriage jealous' -- honestly this made me smile, chuckle, and cheerful) so you will take care of her and at the same time be able to provide for her. With that in mind, I suggest that you prepare yourself so you can provide for her. How is your studies? What are your long term plans with her? The separation anxiety you have must be fought. She will not run away -- believe me. She will not break up with you. You got her already. And I need to repeat this because it's gonna be good for the both of you. Oh and did I mention that I like that you are willing to wait!? Perfect. In the meantime, make sure that you go to a good school and a good job so you can 'snatch her' away from her parents (metaphorically). When my cousin and I had LDR, my last words with her when we were on the airport was "Make sure you study hard". I did not tell her to do anything else. Coz I know that I don't have to. I just want her to study hard because I will study hard. And I plan on us having a good future. And that I will have the respect from her parents. And that she will gain respect from my parents as well. And that we would be able to take care of our parents when they grow old. And that we will have a brighter future together, not being able to be "looked down upon" in whatever. And that they will see a cousin romance that blossommed out of love and not out of lust. And that I (we) will not fear about getting disowned by whoever...be it our family or our clan. And that we will not be talked down upon since we have a reputation and a standing in our social circle and the people around us. And that I would be able to transfer her from one place to another so I can marry her (we were from country where cousin marriage is illegal, looked down upon big time and even have the horrible social stigma). Know what I'm saying!? These are the things that is running on my head when I was 18... I can say some more but I think this post will suffice from now. I really really wish you all the best, my friend. So yeah, give time for yourselves to grow... She will not lose interest in you because you will be there for her. And hey, if that happens, we will cross the bridge when we reach it, aight? No biggie. We are man and we got this. Know what I'm sayin? Pooch
  8. We broke up

    I am so sorry you have to go through this. That’s my nightmare. You can’t blame yourself. If you have it your all, it’s not your fault. Don’t hate yourself. What I’m going to say may not help you but I don’t believe you can ever truly get over falling in love with a cousin. It’s like there was already a sense of love and understanding and that’s magnified by the love you find together. The reason I mention this is I don’t believe he will ever truly be over you. You will always be in his thoughts and even if he started a family with another woman would he truly be over you. maybe it’s not healthy to suggest for you to pine for him but you have separated before. This may not be permanent. It will never be your fault for loving each other. If your love is enough to ruin the bond between his parents and him, then it is not your fault for feeling something, it is his parent’s fault for scorning their own son out of their lives. The science is there. What’s between you two is safe. i think during this time once you find any willingness to get yourself out of bed, you should spend the next few years focusing on yourself and if you two ever reconnect, try to communicate on whether you two are willing to go through hell and back together. Having the perfect person be your cousin is an absolute curse and it will never make anything easier. Goodluck in your lifelong search for happiness and no matter what happens, I’m sure you’ll be strong enough to overcome this.
  9. Taking A Break: Our Story (Rant+Advice Needed)

    Hello, my name is J. I’m 19/Male and from the terrible state of Texas. This is my first time posting here and this post is definitely a rant but any guidance and support given is greatly appreciated. This is the story of me and A. i would like to disclaim to everyone here that despite A being a minor, me and A have not had any sexual relations and I am aware of the rules on the site and the laws of my state. It’s been 8 months since we’ve started this. She is 15 and I am 19 years old. We grew up together and despite us being each other’s first kid crush, we never thought much of each other until last June. That’s when everything changed. Another cousin and I were spending the week with A and her brother. We were friendly and although it was obvious we could both feel physical chemistry, we didn’t want to entertain those thoughts. We started talking throughout the week and me and A figured we connect perfectly. We would stay up late at night in the living room whispering to each other, always talking. We’d talk until we crashed every night near each other in adjacent couches until one night. One night, we got more personal. We both brought up our history of depression and suicidal thoughts and attempts and through that tragedy, I felt our hearts connect. This wasn’t just infatuation. I have loved and cared for her my entire life but at that moment we felt like our souls become one. She was on the verge of tears, and something in me reacted without my brain telling me. I grabbed her and I hugged her and I held her tight to comfort her. I expected her to eventually pull away but she didn’t. The hug eventually turned into a snuggle and we laid down in each other’s arms on that couch. We never wanted it to end so we forced ourselves to stay awake all night, cuddled in each other’s arms. I felt the need to kiss her (and so did she later in admission) but I refrained from doing so. Her mom woke her up that morning and scolded her for falling asleep with a boy. We began to text nonstop. In July I finally admitted my feelings to her and she reciprocated. The first week together felt weird and unsettling, mainly because we were concerned with us being related (it’s complicated but we’re slightly less than first cousins as we only share one grandparent but her grandparent I don’t share was the cousin of my grandmother. Yes, my family’s history from the early 1900s contained a lot of white trash). After some research, that feeling quickly went away and we began communicating through video chat online nonstop. This persisted until November. During that time, we fell in love and I fell for her. We may be young, but we’ve approached our relationship very in a very honest and mature manner that would make my own parents in their 30 year marriage jealous. We agree to be honest even if it hurts and we talk everything out before it can be manifested into resentment and our only ever fight occurred when she was suicidal. In recent months we’ve both worked together to carry each other out from our holes and all suicidal thoughts have subsided and we are incredibly happy together. Never have I ever met such a loving, patient, and understanding woman. I don’t believe in fate but I believe we were made for each other. The words I put on this screen cannot help you fathom how much I love and respect her. We are 100% compatible and it pains me what the situation has turned into. In late November I had a job housesitting for a week and I brought A and her brother. Her brother is one of my childhood best friends and I had placed more trust in him than I should have. Every time he turned his head or left the room, we would be affectionate to each other. We thought he caught us several times but he didn’t. He was totally oblivious but we didn’t know that. We agreed together it would be best to be open with him before he told anyone. We expected him to be more open about it but he reacted very negatively. We eventually talked him down and he seemed fine with it until the next day he gave an even worse reaction and gave us an ultimatum. Either we break up and never mention it, or he tell her parents the truth. I told him to go to hell at first. Eventually I lied and said we agreed to break up and never mention it again. All seemed well again until he told his parents later that week. Our daily video chats? Gone. Her allowed to have her door open? Gone. Despite this, we made a promise to each other that no matter what happened, that we intended to spend our lives together and that I would someday be the father of her children when the time was right. We made it through the parent’s initial shock and reaction. She was grounded for a week with limited use on electronics. Her parents also shamed her and called her sick. My parents were different. My dad is very non-confrontational and to this day, has never talked to me about it. However, my mother is the most understanding and loving woman I have ever met. She had friends who were cousins and the idea doesn’t particularly bother her. I confessed everything to her and in my lowest hour, she comforted me and brought me back up. She doesn’t necessarily support the match but only because my love for A is illegal in the state of Texas and even can land you in jail. (Seriously, to hell with Texas!) my mother just doesn’t want to see her son in jail. (Also the age of consent in Texas must be of 3 years difference in age or less and I’m 4 years older). Since this time, we sneak in texts together throughout the day and it turned into a mostly online relationship experience. We only grew stronger together. However, I wouldn’t be here if things didn’t go as planned. Her parents purposely keep her active and busy and along with constant paranoia, we have texted less and less. It’s not fair for her as her family is incredibly overbearing and restrictive on her life to make sure she has no time to text me while my family remained just as liberal with their concern as before they found out. Despite talking much less, our feelings toward each other haven’t changed but the past few weeks have hurt a lot. My natural insecurities from a past abusive relationship get the better of me sometimes and I need reassurance of our stability which in effect will scare her about our stability. It began to give her anxiety around me which didn’t help encourage her to try and text whenever she could along with her parents keeping her busy and constant paranoia. Last night, I could no longer bear to sit in silence as I was unsure what our relationship became. I texted her and confronted her about where we are right now. We communicated and now it’s established that technically we are still together but due to time constraints we have given each other time to let ourselves grow but assuring each other that we both have exclusive interest in each other and that this brake in our relationship is temporary and we will resume everything in time. I wholeheartedly believe A means what she says but this crippling thought in the back of my mind warns me that she may lose interest and there’s nothing I can do. The simple reality is that I am in love with this woman and this brake was only one sided because I still have the ability to talk to her whenever but she doesn’t. I love her and I’m more than willing to wait and do what it takes in steps to make this work. I have never felt so completed, so happy, and so fulfilled by the companionship of someone. She is truly my better half and even if somehow our relationship didn’t work and one of us moved on and had a family with someone else, I would never feel satisfied without her. There is no other room in my heart for anyone else. I love A and I plan on spending my life with her. Maybe we’re young and we haven’t fully found ourselves but I am confident we will grow together. TL;DR: Young couple, caught, time constraints have put us on hold, my separation anxiety sucks, and I’m willing to wait. I’d love to hear all of your thoughts and advice! Thank you so much for taking this much time to read my story and possibly give your two cents. It’s means so much to be able to express this to someone. I wish all of you luck! -J
  10. We broke up

    Hi guys. Its my first time sharing this but I have to get it off my chest. My cousin and I didn’t grow up together. We grew up in different countries but knew about each other. He vacationed here in 2005. We had an attraction then. He wrote me a letter before he left admitting that he liked me. When I got home, I messaged him and said I liked him too. We started talking but I stopped cause I felt it was wrong. I vacationed to his place the next year. It was awkward at first but the attraction was still there and we admitted that we had feelings for each other. We had our first kiss then and more kisses. I went back home and we continued to chat but I told him we should stop cause its not right. We had relationships of our own after that. Come 2008, we saw each other again. All the feelings came back in full force. We spent time together the entire time I was there and the feelings grew to love. Yes, we fell in love. Same story, we stopped, had relationships but it was never the same. Early 2012, we started talking on skype. Things went fast and by mid-2012 we were officially together though LDR. We kept it a secret. On vacations, he met my friends. I met his. We promised each other that we’ll fight the obstacles that come our way. We did what couples do when we’re together on vacations. We spent time together. We made love. We fought. We made up. We agreed that he’d petition for me to go there. Fast forward to 2018, he said he’s unsure of our future anymore. That he wanted to be with me but he didn’t want to drift apart with his parents too (they are close). He ended our relationship of almost 6 yrs. It crushed me. He shattered my heart. I gave him my all. He became my world. All my dreams and plans involved him. I may have been there before but not anymore. It was the kind of pain that I never thought I’d experience. I cried for days. I couldn’t eat nor sleep. He’s always on my mind. He said he needed time to figure things out. He said that he hopes he comes back to me sooner than later. I want him to. I want him to come back to me. But what if he doesn’t? What if I’ll be waiting for nothing? I’m scared that if he comes back, will he break me again? This broke me to my core. Its just been days since we broke up. I still can’t let go even when I said I would if that’s what he needs. We still talk but its not the same. Should I stop contacting him for now? Give him space and time. But I’m scared that if I do that then that’s the end of it all. He says he loves me still and that he always will. I feel the same way. But we got lost along the way somehow. I don’t know how to cope. Help please.
  11. We Started Talking Again

    I'm pretty confident I can be close with her again. Even if she has a boyfriend now, although there's always the possibility that they might break up. I just don't know if it'll be romantic or not. One of my uncles (her first cousin once removed) actually died recently. I'm planning to talk to her about that on the phone very soon.
  12. Newspaper article

    Thanks for pointing this out. Pretty interesting from the perspective of a genealogist.
  13. New to site

    Thanks. Her father married my Aunt (Her mom died giving birth to her) when she and I were like 3 years old. No blood relation or anything but we grew up as cousins. They have since gotten divorced. I was the Ring Bearer and she was the flower girl at my Aunt and her father's wedding. lol I was told I had to look out for her because she was younger then my self and I took that responsibility seriously all through our childhood. Now she's married and has 2 kids and I'm wishing I had spoken up and told her how I felt before it was too late.
  14. How Do I Tell My Family?

    Hi there YaF, I want to ask how was his relationship with his uncle (ie. your dad)? You see, I feel like he is in the same situation like me... Anyhow, is his relationship with him relatively okay or... what? And how about vice versa? What is the personality of your dad that makes you think that he might not accept his nephew (your bf) as your boyfriend? Does your bf respects your dad? You don't have to go to many details or examples -- I just want to get a general gist of your impression with the relationship between your dad and him. I want it from your dad's POV. For example, does he find your bf a responsible person...or a good person in general and so forth? How about you and his mom? Now he said that you are being irrational and he shut you up. I believe that you were hurt a little bit. But don't let that deter you from bringing up the subject matter again. Try to do it again next week and let us know how it goes. The earlier you figure this one out, the better it would be for you. You know what I'm saying? Press him if you must. Since he is your first bf, you have every right to know! Ask him, what the deal is... If you are more comfortable through text, then do it through text. If in person, then fine. But make sure that you trust him... That you guys are in this together if both of you want a long term relationship with each other. May I ask you as well if you are his first gf? Or does he have a past already? And as always, keep us updated... Pooch
  15. A VACATION I WILL NEVER FORGET - Lots of Detail haha

    That's a pretty amazing story. Because you are now married, I don't suppose I have to caution you but will anyway - be VERY careful because your cousin is still in your life and you are still tempted. Your marriage is young and the real challenges to it are just around the corner. In those moments when you are frustrated or even furious with your husband and not feeling loved at all, you may feel tempted to talk with your cousin. After all, he is also a good friend and confidant. Unfortunately, that's also a recipe for disaster. He cares for you at least in some way and any advice he gives designed to help your marriage in that circumstance is almost certain to backfire and cause you to fall head over heels for him in some way. Of course, for as long as you can resist that and maintain a close and trusting relationship with your husband (and the fact that he knows actually reinforces that trust - bravo you because that's courage!), you'll also be able to hold these memories with some degree of fondness and I can think of a lot worse things Thanks for sharing, best wishes, and God bless! CM
  16. New to site

    Welcome to the site! What do you mean "first cousin through marriage"?
  17. Before I talk about the trip of all trips, I will give a bit of a back story. My mom moved away from her family for work and so ever since I was little, we only visited that side of the family twice. The last time I saw my cousins was when I was around 7 years old. So when I was given the opportunity to go on a trip to Mexico and hang with some of my cousins, I was beyond pumped. At this time I was 21, dating a man who was my absolute world and just up for a fun break after going to Univ. When I landed at midnight, a family friend drove me to the rental property which was just beautiful. It was part of a huge private community with pools, hot tubs and gorgeous views. Everyone was asleep when I arrived, it was 3 of my girl cousins and 1 guy cousin. The next morning, I got ready with my girl cousins and was really enjoying catching up. I was walking from my bedroom to the bathroom where suddenly appears a guy shirtless in a white towel.. We will call him JAY. Being my typical outgoing self, I get all friendly and said that I’m his long lost cousin. He was probably a bit startled by my energy and appeared pretty quiet. From first glance, he was in great shape, amazing body and it is hard to turn your mind back to remembering he IS your cousin {granted he WAS in a towel so that isn’t much help}. Any way for the next few days we ventured around Mexico and did some fun outings. During one of those days, I ended up getting thrown around during surfboarding and cut myself bad, and Jay literally picks me up out of the water and rushes me to shore while strangers on the beach are just staring. I remember in that moment, kind of taking in the thought that he was my man hauling me out and how beyond strong he is. Again, it was a passing thought because how could I think like that. I continued to draw close to him when we hung out because I love being active and all my girl cousins would want to sit and tan.. meanwhile I am wanting to swim and toss the football which is up his alley. We tried to involve everyone but found ourselves having a blast exploring. So let's cut to the night when it became more... It was in the evening and we start playing some drinking games with everyone and eventually the girls get tired and head to bed. So here I am wearing my hideous university oversized sweater and shorts, but I feel when he looks at me, it is more of a intense desiring look. I kept questioning myself because no way would he think of me as more (plus I am not looking all that hot). It's 1am and we decide to go for a walk to the beach, we fill up our drinks and I put on a bathing suit under my hoodie. At this point, I am feeling the alcohol (I am tiny and rarely drink as is) so I was kinda wanting to test out the waters with him. I was forgetting the fact that we were related and wanting to just go with my feelings. I remember that we were walking along the water and saw this creature pop up and I reached for his hand but he didn't react. In that moment I completely turned off my attraction knowing that he didn’t see me in that light. So we started walking back home, and Jay saw this massive hotel that had a walk through entrance onto another private mini beach.. how we managed to pass by the reception I have no idea. It was dark out and the stars were out. We lay side by side and I am thinking, if I was single and he wasn’t my cousin I would make a move. But the last move I tried didn’t work in my favor so I kind of just zoned out. I just remember turning my head to him and see him looking deeply and seriously at me. I am so out of it that I just start running my finger from the top of his head down to his lips for no reason what so ever. I laugh and he is smiling at me. Im closing my eyes and just keep doing it, and after a couple of times when my finger landed on his lips he opens them a bit more so then I could feel the curves in his lips more. I keep repeating the motion and he eventually takes my whole finger into his mouth and sucks on it. I am soo incredibly turned on at this point and cannot believe it is happening at the same time. My eyes are closed and I clench my other hand into the grass trying to contain myself. It felt surreal. Then I eventually turn to the side to look at him when he is doing it, and he is looking dead straight into my eyes as he sucks me. I know… sucking on a finger for a girl, how is that a turn on?! But at the time it was what I needed.. and if it involves a tongue, im sold. Then what came as a COMPLETE shocker, I find him ontop of me and we are making out. It was probably the best makeout ever. I remember pausing him saying “were cousins!! We can’t be doing this” and then back to making out just not thinking of things rationally. I don’t know how long it was for, all I know was that it was 4am and we were on our stroll back. I was at this point sobering up fast from the situation and confused. I tried to rationalize it with us both in serious relationships {me especially} and he was supportive. I think the whole situation sobered us up quick and he spent his time convincing me that I’m not a bad person and it was a one time thing. I am definitely not one to do this sort of thing and have always been the 'good girl' my entire life. Then he confessed that he was crushing on me the moment he saw me but knew it was wrong but was hard to control himself especially on the beach. Me being the realist, I made him promise that it won’t happen again and he agreed. So we ended up walking along this trail to calm ourselves down And one thing leads to another and BAM we are back on the grass going at it.. It doesn’t help that he is telling me that a girl has never turned him on this much - what all of us girls love to hear haha. So realizing it was 5am, we headed back home and passed out. I wake up the next morning thinking it was a dream. I still remember the feeling. I laid in that top bunk looking at the ceiling, not able to move, trying to understand it. I was starting to feel unsure about it all and whether he was just drunk last night or maybe it was just in the heat of the moment. So we all headed out to another family outing.. I am sitting on a table bench and Jay comes over and asks how I’m feeling. He assured me he meant every word last night and even though alcohol was a part of it, he was happy it happened. There was so much hot tension going on throughout the day.. I would catch him looking, he would catch me giving the eye. But we would never make it obvious, ever. We hated being separated but knew we had to so that people wouldn’t think of us as more.What I loved about him was he was more of the reserved type, doesn't want to be the main attention but when you get to know him, his personality is hilarious. Just such an easy going and adventurous guy. Over the next few nights, we were able to sneak away to the beach here and there. We found this hidden beach that was unreal and got messy in the sand. He wore these hoodies that would highlight his arms and chest.. I couldn't handle it. He would always squeeze me when he had to control himself and not go further than making out mentioning how much he wanted to go all the way. I was basically the one holding us back with that as I have control and am not one to give in unless its a long term commitment. The last night, my aunt says one of her friends are staying over and needs Jays room since its the biggest and asked if Jay can take my bottom bunk. … GREAT….. because it is not hard to resist as is. It is past 10 and everyone is settling in and we decide that we want to watch the movie 300 in the room. For the first 10 minutes I swear, we were genuinely watching. He is on the top bunk, I am on the bottom. There are two large mirrors as closets so I can see him lying on his side looking at me and smiling. There is literally SO much intensity in the small room and it being dark does not help. Well eventually he starts sitting up and going down the stairs of the twin bunk. I keep telling him no and that we have to be good as ANYONE could open the door at any time. He doesn’t see the risk and comes into my bed anyway. Obviously won't get into details, but we definitely did some foreplay and the fact that the door was unlocked and anyone could come in was more exciting.. just to be completely quiet. The next morning, I sat in the room packing up all my stuff. He laid on the bed watching me pack in silence, texting me that he was going to miss me.. we snuck in a kiss and I headed to the airport after giving all my hugs. And so that was the trip. Shortened this story as I know this was incredibly long as is. It's been over 6 years now and I clearly can think straight back to that trip. We have different lives and still live far apart. We still will bring up this trip every once in a while in conversation because it was the craziest experience for both of us. But I am in such a good space with my now husband and we have built a life together over the past (almost) decade that I can't picture being without him. I am blessed to have such an amazing partner, so it is hard to ever think of trying to explore things with Jay. I will admit that I do struggle regularly to not take things further with Jay in our relationship.. mainly because I have built a family and that is important to me. My husband does know about the trip (I of course didn't go into detail but stated that we did have a physical romance, etc) and I think honesty is what has helped us through this time. It's hard to take Jay completely out of my life because I have always craved extended family as a kid + teen and now that I have someone amazing like Jay too, I can't seem to let it go. Anyway, that is my story. I hope it encourages someone to know that it is not shameful to experience this with your cousin - and that chemistry is chemistry.. with whoever it may be.
  18. How Do I Tell My Family?

    My mom's been out of the picture for about 6 years now.. She was a big problem and cause of my issues.. He is.. He's my first ever boyfriend.. I've had small talk with others but never this serious. He basically told me I'm being irrational and shut me up.. Right now we're still together.. Yeah we're on 10 now.. Also, I'm sorry for the late reply, life's been.. Life hah. ~Rave.~
  19. New to site

    Hello there. First of all I am new to this site. Growing up I was in love with my First Cousin through Marriage. Over the years I've looked a lot into this subject and just found this site.
  20. Long Distance relationship with my cousin.. help!

    he's right, ya know. if you do want to repair your relationship with your child's father, you absolutely can. it will take work, but it can be done. that's the other part of my story that i didn't share... mine and mark's marriage was definitely on the verge of collapse at one point. in fact, it was on the verge for several years. but we overcame it, and for the last six years, i've had the marriage of my dreams, with the man i made a commitment to 19 years ago. there's another book that i would recommend along with what CM suggested... the love dare. you can get the audio book free here: http://bit.ly/lovedareaudio (it's free with a 30 day trial to their audio service, but you can cancel and keep the book.)
  21. Long Distance relationship with my cousin.. help!

    Well, this is what I get for reading too fast (skimming): I missed a lot of important details! Pooch, Romalee, and LadyC all picked up on this pretty quickly. Honestly, LadyC called it exactly what it is - an "emotional affair." So let's get to the root of what an affair is. First, this has nothing to do with the fact that he is your cousin. That fact only allowed the access and closeness for nature to take its course. You're a woman and he's a man and you have very specific needs that he was meeting. In this case, you need and crave the affection, the conversation, the apparent honesty and openness you share - all of this hits you in a place you just can't resist and you're head over heels. At that same time, he very likely finds you physically attractive, you admire certain things about him and presumably tell him so. Maybe you enjoy doing things together or have similar hobbies or like the same types of movies. If I'm right, it won't be long before he tries to persuade you to share some of those intimate moments online (FaceTime, SnapChat, etc.), because that will ultimately hit him in a similar place. Because of how he makes you feel, maybe you'll even agree - after all, you'd likely enjoy the rush of feelings. This is a death spiral for both of your current relationships or family situations and nothing good can possibly come of it. There are children involved and, though you're not married to the father of your daughter, you rightly see that you can't just up and leave where you are because you have roots there. He has children he likewise cannot uproot. Are your current relationships suffering? Yup. And they will continue to decay and rot and stink and fester until they eventually die if you don't turn the ship around. So, are your feelings normal? You bet! Normal and natural and very human. They're also destructive and wrong - not wrong because you're cousins but wrong because of the damage they'll cause and because their source isn't real (it's not that you love one another this way, but rather that you love the idea of what you wish your current relationships could and should be). The good news, now that I've rained all over everyone's parade, is that you CAN have a full restoration of your current relationship and have in that relationship exactly what you're experiencing in your affair. You really can! It will mean breaking off the affair, thanking one another for being there in a season of drought and doubt but understanding that you simply cannot continue any kind of private relationship going forward if you are to succeed in repairing your current one. I say this because you had a child with this man and he's still in your life. That usually happens because you actually were passionate for and about one another at some point. At some point, you called one another all of those cute names and used silly voices when you'd talk and all of that other mushy stuff couples do early on. You can repair that. If you're interested, I recommend a couple of books (or Audible books): 1) The Five Love Languages 2) His Needs, Her Needs Start with those and see where they lead. Best wishes and God bless, CM
  22. Newspaper article

    I know It's nothing we don't already know but I thought it was good to see it being spoken about in UK new articles as it's not really done here.... Hopefully it will continue in good light!
  23. Advice please!

    i imagine your dad does have some fear left over from having lost contact with his daughter. but she was a child when her mother took off, and she probably has very little (good) memories of him left. it's pretty likely that she has been poisoned against him for her entire life by her mother. remind your dad that it's a whole different scenario now. you have grown up your entire life loving him, and no matter how far away you might ever travel (short or long term) you'll never stop being his little girl. hope things work out for you!!
  24. Newspaper article

    it's a good article, thanks for linking us to it!
  25. Long Distance relationship with my cousin.. help!

    oh, and because i know what the next questions are probably going to be... my ex husband lived in the same state as i. he never gave us any hassle about the fact that the guy i was about to marry was my cousin (once removed). he never even talked negatively to our daughters about it... that's probably the ONLY thing he's never found a way to use as a weapon where the girls are concerned, as a matter of fact. and our family was all surprisingly supportive on both sides. there did come a time when we moved out of state, and spent a decade living in nevada while the girls were still young, but my divorce had given me sole right to determine residency, which meant that my ex couldn't do a thing about it even if he'd wanted to. he wasn't really much of a father to them though, so i don't think it bothered him too much... although when we first moved away, i let my youngest stay with him for a month before joining us, and i showed up early and unexpectedly to take her back with me because she'd told me on the phone that her dad was getting her a passport so they could go live in mexico or something. i don't know if he really would have. he denies it to this day. but i wasn't taking that chance.
  26. Long Distance relationship with my cousin.. help!

    jolina, there's the kicker... you're having an emotional relationship. you're just a half-step away from acknowledging it for what it actually is... you're having an emotional affair... which is being unfaithful to your boyfriend. now, you're not married, so it's not adultery, but it is unfair to the boyfriend. i get that it's tough to make a break from someone you share a child with, but maybe it's time to consider co-parenting without co-habitating? (assuming you're living together) it's such a long story!! Mark and i had grown up together more or less. we weren't ever close, but we lived in the same school district, we were in the same high school band (for one year, anyway, before he graduated), all my friends thought he was dreamy back in high school. i didn't think of him in those terms at all. then he graduated and moved and married and divorced and remarried and all that jazz... and then i grew up and graduated and married and moved and had 2 daughters and divorced and all THAT jazz... and then we reconnected (at the stereotypical family reunion) when i was 34-ish... plus or minus a few months. it was instant attraction. we spent the whole reunion sitting under a tree talking. it was an attraction that was more than just skin deep, it was this feeling like i'd finally arrived home. now, backing up, here's a little irony. i don't know if you believe in God or not, but i do. and back in november of the previous year i had a long conversation (i.e. prayer) with God and basically said i was tired of trying to find someone to meet my expectations. i was ready to have a man in my life... someone to help me raise my girls and someone to grow old with. spring would be nice. may, maybe. could God bring him to me by may? well, that family reunion was on the last day of may. meanwhile, also in november of the previous year, Mark had filed for divorce from his second wife. no children involved, no hatred or anger, just issues that the two of them couldn't overcome. and in may, he decided that he would attend the family reunion for the first time in many, many years. his reason was so he could see his grandmother. but he always told me, even on that day, that he'd found himself hoping that i would be there. he didn't have a clue why i had even entered his mind, but he'd hoped to see me. anyway, i totally believe it was a God thing... He brought me His very best for my life... and even did it within the time frame that i'd requested, LOL... barely! and he definitely didn't fit any of my own personal prerequisites for a soulmate. he still carried baggage from his first two marriages/divorces, he had a history with substance abuse, he was not (at the time) likely to be any sort of "spiritual head of the household" because he really wasn't giving much thought to God back then. he wasn't likely to be serenading me by candlelight, strumming his guitar and singing pretty love songs like i was hoping for. but i hadn't asked for God to fulfill my wish list, i'd asked Him to bring me His best for my life. and i sincerely believe that was the prayer God answered. so we became instant best friends. we talked daily, we saw each other on weekends, we went places and did things together like best friends, but there was always that interest in pushing it further. and then finally it became vocalized. "if you weren't my cousin, i'd marry you in an instant". well what the heck? could you do that? and then i started doing my homework and found out that we could... legally, and morally from a biblical standpoint. and so we married on january 1 of 1999. and that's it in a nutshell! funny thing though. you asked how i knew he was the one. i remember one time my mom said something to me... she said she knew that this was really the one for me, because i was so calm about it. i didn't really understand what she meant so i pushed a little bit and she explained (i can't remember what words she used though) that i wasn't on some emotional high of infatuation, but that it was just a deep, steady abiding kind of love that seemed to keep me grounded.
  1. Load more activity