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  1. Today
  2. Whatever you think will work for the moving in thing. Good luck.
  3. My answer was in the post that you responded to. There are no simple solutions to a case like this.
  4. You wrote: "At a recent family reunion, I asked about the first wife and the coincidence in her having the same name as I do. This sent him off the rails , in a spitting nails fit of cruelty and rage, directed at me." I would be concerned about his reaction. I've known people who go nuts over a simple question. He may be a very abusive person, who does not communicate effectively. That should be your main concern. The rest of what you've written, just sounds like this is all your perspective, and none of it his perspective towards you. Going by what you've written, I would NOT pursue a relationship with him.
  5. Yesterday
  6. My first cousin and I (30sF, 40sM) are together and we are both committed to keeping our relationship secret, not out of legal concern (cousin marriage is legal where we are) but because we know our families woild not react well. Neither of us has EVER wanted to get married or have kids so that's a moot point. We intend to keep the relationship under wraps until all our parents are gone. I see a lot of stories about telling families, marriage, etc. but has anyone committed to keeping the relationship largely under wraps? Looking for ideas on how to explain hi eventually moving in with me. We are thinking of saying that he needed a cheap room to rent. I make mror than he does (different fields) so it's not unheard of. Share your secrevy tips!
  7. Last week
  8. I have a complicated cousin relationship that I need help with. First of all, I adore my older cousin. He is 10 years older than I am. When my twin and I were little, we would see him at our grandmothers house with all of our other cousins. We have a large, happy family. I have 4 aunts and uncles. He is an extension of my two older brothers to me, and has always treated me with brotherly affection and teasing cousin love. I'm easy to talk to, too. So he grew up, worked with his dad, at 17, and my twin and I grew our separate ways, until, one day, she kills herself. This of course devastated the entire family. The first Christmas without my twin, we spent at our aunt Helen, the mother of my love interest, Henry. My aunt, the mother of my love interest, offered to let me live with her . I said no, so that I could be of comfort to my parents, at home still. Helen noticed that her son, Henry had taken an interest in his much younger cousin (me). They were now both much older, and in his dumb mind, she was 14 when the twin died. In actuality, the twins were 20 when the suicide occured. Henry and I did not talk about this interest, but I have known it was there my entire life. He even married a woman, with my name, and she had a mother commit suicide. I am unsure of the married relationship and how communication and bonding went, but she did divorce Henry after 2 children and 15 years of marriage. This choice in a marriage partner endeared me even more to Henry, so that I felt he cared enough to help resolve this grief, by introducing another participant into the family dynamics. So here now, after the long history, is my question, or situation. This first wife divorced him. I liked her, and now he hates her. I feel like I must choose sides now between his ex wife and his new wife. I never grieved his divorce. At a recent family reunion, I asked about the first wife and the coincidence in her having the same name as I do. This sent him off the rails , in a spitting nails fit of cruelty and rage, directed at me. I think it is the suicide, and grief associated with unresolved divorce , comes out sideways. I am understanding, feel even more bonded and connected, I feel sympathetic, forgiveness, and compassion. At the same time, I want to preserve whatever trust there is in our relationship. I have told him this, and have asked him that we do not communicate on social media any longer, as it is too difficult to resolve interpersonal relationships this way. He has a career that carries him into the wilderness, with no phone or internet access at times. So how do I proceed with this cousin, Henry?
  9. personally, i think his behavior sounds kinda stalker-ish. if it's all just by text and social media, then i don't know what can be done. but if he bothers you in person or at your home or workplace, you might consider filing a restraining order.
  10. Fallon was taking notes lol. Liked that!
  11. Sayang nmn sir @pooch kung wala kayo baby hehe. Anyways basta ba ay masaya kayo yun importante po,
  12. How long was this recent? And also, have you known him since when you guys were little kids? Pooch
  13. I see... Then its time for a stronger dosage. A harder "No stop it" that will repel him must be done. Otherwise he just wont stop because he couldn't stop. If we like a girl so much, I believe, we need those stronger dosage of rejection --- you know? Make it along the lines of "Hey, what the f---. I am sorry. Please stop. I already said "No" and that's my decision. Stop talking to me". A firm response like that will not drive him away though. But it will make him stop and will be repelled because you are stern this time. He will be afraid of losing you if he continues making advances; hence it will die down. Dont be afraid of losing your cousin though (in the sense of his presence)....coz you wont. But it will make the job done (him stopping these advances). Pooch
  14. So my 2nd cousin is coming out for vacation and we’ve been talking over the phone for the last several months before she gets here to New York. I have a crush on her, but not sure she is interested in me. During our talks she has said she wants to do molly with me and get super drunk. She said that she is down for anything, knows we are going to be sleeping in the same bed when she comes out. We’re both in our late 30’s, and the family is not really a factor. We’ve seen each other maybe a total of four times our whole lives but have always kept in touch She’s been sending me pics of what she’s going to wear when she’s out here, telling me things like her butt is hanging out of her romper and that she needs help from me zipping her dresses up. Then there are moments when she completely shuts down and I don’t hear from her for a couple of days. Then she will hit me back up like nothing happened... however yesterday she was extremely short with me, and I didn’t hear from her today. I’m giving her whatever space she needs. We have already planned a trip for Australia together in the winter and again she knows we’re sharing a bed, and it’s just going to be us and another trip to France in the summer. She says things like “What if you find someone, you won’t want to go with me” and I’ll reply with the same question and she’ll say she never wants to date again She’s single and I’m single... no kids. So I guess my question is, does it sound like she’s open to whatever happens when she comes out here? Knowing she is down to drink and do molly with me, staying in the same bed, chatting back and forth etc, or is she just coming out to have a good time? Am I reading too much into the partying aspect of the trip? She has never alluded to wanting to hook up, but would she? I’ve never alluded either.
  15. It’s a tricky one Asteriia, I think when you are younger stuff is already very intense and confusing before you add in something like this. You both have a long way to go in life and there is a risk a mistake now could make things hard for you both and for your family. A strong friendship is also a special thing to share with someone and a good foundation for the future if that is still what you feel is right down the track. It’s hard to imagine how much time you have when you are young but you have lots. Also if it’s the law where you are you should follow that for now even if you don’t agree with it.
  16. Pooch, I really rejected him, and after a long conversation he gave up and agreed to pretend that nothing happened and i was relieved. But now he's bringing it again... and i don't have a boyfriend and he knows this.
  17. Wala eh.. Hindi rin kasi naming plan na magka-baby. Since nagumpisa kami, wala kaming plan na magkababy. So kami na talaga ever since. We both accepted naman na yun ang destiny talaga namin. Pooch
  18. Although it's off topic, I will only reply once: Of course it is not a sin! Matter of fact, the Bible is FULL of cousin relationships. Lol. A famous one in the Bible is Jacob (the grandson or "apo") of Abraham and Leah/Rachel are cousins. There are more examples. In the New Testament, I think a tradition can even be traced on Mary and Joseph (although I haven't studied this yet). Saying that cousin relationships is a sin in the eyes of God is definitely NOT true. Sure, in the eyes of society, maybe it's a sin... But do you want the society to dictate what your relationship is like? For example, online dating has once had a bad reputation as to how two people meet one another, right? But nowadays, it's becoming more and more acceptable. If a person depends her happiness with acceptance from society, then nobody is going to be happy. You know what I am saying? So as long as God is on your side -- that's all that matters. You love your cousin and that ends the discussion there. Period. Now moving on to the topic at hand.. .:) The Kinship chart is a little confusing but there are charts that are easier to understand. What's more difficult is finding the specific laws that applies to the kinship chart. lol. For example, in the Philippines, Filipinos rely on the "family code of the Philippines". It has been there since forever and I don't think it will be revised pretty soon. Filipinos are largely catholic and a change in the family code might erode some of the rich heritage that our culture holds. For example, we do not allow divorce or same-sex marriage or anything along those lines. The family code protects us in that kind of a way. Changing the family code might endanger our traditional identity so I am in favor for it actually despite the fact that it disallows cousin marriages. Some charts are good shortcuts in identifying plausible marriages though especially if you are considering going abroad (marrying abroad). Pooch
  19. No no no.. Don't put this on you, Angel. Besides, I don't think you even rejected him. And if you did (from his POV), then it's on him. What you can do though is make sure you distance yourself around him. Sure, don't change anything and don't be awkward.. but at the same time, treat this thing as a "harmless crush"... Just care for him as a brother and that's it. Also, just a quick question, do you have a boyfriend? Coz if you do, then focus your attention to your boyfriend and not to your cousin.... Your cousin can deal with his crap by himself. Yes he is shy and has baggages and all but that's fine.. From his POV, it's better for him to tell you his feelings anyways rather than bottle it up and regret it. So I guess that's cool. Pooch
  20. Cool! Looks like she is good, huh? Still try to wait out a little bit more. You don't know her yet, man.. I suggest you take this matter as slow as you can be. If you can actually reduce your contact with her, that will be great. Increasing it will speed it up while decreasing contact with her makes her stay in touch but at the same time puts you on her radar. It makes it "steady" but be consistent though. In the meantime, make sure that you plan on things for both of your future. What do you want to become? Are you planning on finishing your bachelor's degree? And if so, what will be a good job after that? Are you working part time right now? What's the deal? Hmm.. So she wants kids, right? How about you? Do you want to have kids? I mean, not necessarily with her... but Im asking you, as a guy yourself...? I see.. I am just thinking as to what his family dynamic is like. Do you guys frequently go to their place during holidays and family gatherings? By the way, I asked about the surname because, sometimes it can get tricky if you guys have the same surnames. You know, it's better if you guys do not share the same surname. It is just me talking as a guy who is not originally from North America. hehe.. Pooch
  21. i hope everybody can watch this and laugh. it really is funny! hey, we gotta be able to laugh at ourselves once in a while, right?
  22. How old are the two of you?? He sounds really young or maybe immature. All you can do is keep repeating that your aren't interested, don't waver or give in. You don't need to feel guilty that you don't love him. If his feelings are hurt that is for him to work through, not for you to feel guilty about.
  23. That is beautiful. good idea posting it here in this safe space. it will eventually get easier but it could be some time away. I found it helpful to pick a time of the day I let myself think about it and feel all the emotions for about half an hr then put it away until the next day. it might help you take some control of something so all consuming and painful. In time the time I needed to grieve it shortened and became less frequent.
  24. Oh no. That’s so terrible 😞 that your family don’t like the idea. I guess if you have never experienced something like this it’s initially a little shocking fr people. Are you in the USA?
  25. You did the right thing. Sounds like he is acting impulsively as a reaction to the end of his last relationship. Always better to wait long, than marry wrong. he will see this in time and forget about it eventually.
  26. Be upfront and honest and true to yourself.
  27. We meet online and didn’t know we were cousins and when we did couldn’t help the strong feelings we were developing, our families are disappointed and have cut us off
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