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  2. Romalee

    Confused

    Regardless of what her reasons are. rational or not, she has spoken that she doesn't want to be in this relationship. You need to honor her wishes. You can tell her about this site and the information, however it is up to her if she wishes to check it out or not. Then you have to back away and let things fall where they may. Don't pressure her, as that is a sure way to push her further away. Best wishes.
  3. Serendipity and Ambra are both correct, the secrecy will get old really quick! I suspect that the family will figure it out quickly, probably before the secrecy gets old! You can go ahead and implement your plan and move in together but don't be surprised of what comes after. Love can't be hidden, especially in the eyes!!! Best wishes.
  4. Romalee

    Taboo

    We are second cousins, married 15 years. No problems with family, except for a few comments in fun. We just don't announce it to the world. It isn't any of business of others unless we want them to know. I'm not sure what you are struggling with, but if you have been married that long, something must be working. Did your families have any problem with your relationship? Personally speaking, you may be borrowing trouble where there is none. Because the Utah couple chose to be so public, doesn't mean you have too. Of course many of those cruel/mean comments that are made toward them are behind the anonymity of the internet and very well might not be so cruel/mean in a face to face situation. Also most of them are not aware of the state laws and biblical recognition of cousin couple relationships. They speak from ignorance of the correct information. Don't let the negativity integrate into your relationship. At the end of the day they get no say in your life. Best wishes as you work through our struggles.
  5. Serendipity, You're right, it's a lot to consider. I doubt my family would take it well. Not because they don't care, more just because of the stigma ("ick" factor) and some other family stuff I don't feel like going into but I can promise you, it's serious. I definitely worry about souring my family relationships. Friends not so much, it's family I worry about. Ambra, Of course I have doubt, and that's why I posted. I worry that somehow we will be found out. Not sure how, but somehow. Or maybe one day, they just stop buying our story. That's my doubt and my fear. We both have a fair bit to lose but I love him so much. Our love is unlike anything I've experienced before. I've never connected with someone so well. He is worth it and I am worth it to him in return. We are both fairly private people, yes. I don't really talk about my love life with friends or even family.
  6. Obviously this has been a confusing post with a dramatic title. The title intended be to both humorous and expressive. I don’t think it has anything to do with me being married other than to demonstrate the magnitude of the attraction. I’m not sure why it is coming back to that unless we are looking at why we aren’t together now which wasn’t my point but correct, we were both with other people. My apologies for being unclear. I can’t definitively tell you what happened here for me but is seems the fact this man was my cousin and there’s no evidence in the existence of past lives, horoscopes and voodoo, that it is the logical explanation for why I couldn’t maintain a friendship with him without being very sad we weren’t romantically involved which profoundly impacted everything else. I am certain if it was a colleague for example it would have hardly registered. An alternative explanation is I met a garden variety narcissist who would also be charismatic, hypnotic and take me to great heights before pushing me off the edge when i was no longer useful or entertaining so there is that. I guess narcissists have cousins too so it’s possible. In summary, if you can’t be together because you are married, the law, they don’t like you, geography or your allergic to cats then it’s best not to try and hang on to a friendship which is my point. This is because the longing is to strong and can’t be separated from the other feelings. If you try, what follows might be quite terrible and end with with no relationship anyway. Do you as a person in a relationship with your cousin feel it’s any better, deeper, more intense than other people you have had relationships with or am I and other people who come here for answers imagining that? I gotta say also about the whole marriage thing, it’s not a commitment to be taken lightly or broken frivolously but sometimes things end and they should. Some people are in bad ones and shouldn’t stay in them even when kids are involved. It’s more about the partnership than even the promise in my view and more than 50% of us will get it wrong at least once so I don’t know that anyone can suggest people just forget it (meeting someone else) because they are married. Full stop. You can’t just say your married stop those feelings. It’s got to be your married, are you still happy with that, why would you be looking outside of that and then after those questions are answered, what about this other person. This is not the forum for that and personal responsibility is required but still life’s not that simple and love/relationships is even less so. If my relationship wasn’t a priority for my husband anymore or he treated me badly I’d go. At the end of the day marriage is a contract based on a conditional “partnership” not a life sentence. It’s also an institution made by men to facilitate the transfer of assets and it wasn’t even about god when it started. Interestingly, if you investigate that you will see records of lots and lots of cousins marrying each other to keep money in families. Then there is all the royals. It’s all good in the hood for them too 🙂 For the record I love being married. It’s great. Just saying. Anyway I think I’m way off topic now. Someone else will make my point clearer in a post of their own one day I’m sure and honestly I think I’m ready for this to be part of my past. And thanks whoever made the site, it’s been helpful. @ReachIntoTheVoid i’m sure this is semantics but your committed relationship is as valid as my or anyone else’s marriage I think. It’s a shame you can’t be out and proud with your family but it’s great you have each other. Good luck and all the best everyone.
  7. Your plan sounds good. So what makes you hesitant? What is that nagging voice that puts doubts in your head, that made you come here? There must be something. And living a secret romantic life, could get old quick. If you're very private people, that might help.
  8. I know you didn't ask for this kind of advice, but I'm gonna say it anyway. Do you really want to live a life of secrecy? It will get old real quick - real quick. Are you so concerned about what others might think that you're willing to live like that? I mean think this through - holidays will be spent with family who don't love you enough to wish for your happiness. You will be giving up so very, very much for people who presumably don't want you to find love. I would think this through carefully. You won't be able to hide it for long; do you really want to?
  9. No they ARE mean ., down right cruel to Michael and Angie the couple from Utah. Ive seen the comments made to them. She handles it quite well though. Better than i would. We have been married 12 years.
  10. pooch

    Taboo

    Hmm.. Why are they going to be mean? Just because you guys are cousins? Possible...but sounds incredulous at the same time. Usually, it's a character issue. Either they are jerks or you got some character flaws -- it almost never about your relationship, right? Anyways, the taboo will always going to be there. How long have you guys been a couple, though? Pooch
  11. Yesterday
  12. It was very hard for me to get an account. It finally worked after about 10 tries. It wouldnt send the confirmation email.
  13. OpenUmbrella

    Taboo

    How do you all get past the taboo of being a cousin couple? Like being rejected and not liked by the world. Ive kept up with the Utah couple and wow are people mean. I must live in a bubble as I didnt know that many people are against it. Even though its been proven its not bad geneticly. Im finding it really hard here lately! I could use advice as Im really struggling!
  14. Im so sorry that happened, its usually a shock to family hope you can still be together anyway! How close of cousins?
  15. We keep it a secret from anyone outside of family but who knows if theyve told anyone.
  16. Im confused as how being cousins has to with the "caution" because you were married it seems as though that would have been the problem.
  17. It is true that there are a number of people that you can have a good relationship with. I'm fortunate that I never married and nor did my cousin so we can be together. We are 1st cosuins and living in US (it's legal in my state) but we are in secret due to concern over family blowup. I think it's true that if you fall in love with someone, cousin or not, and you are married, you need to cut contact and move on. All contact.
  18. Yeah we weren’t in the USA and 2nd cousins so being related is less of an issue also something we would have been able to work passed although initially it was a bit confronting for me. Our families would have been ok eventually and we would have had each other so I wouldn’t have worried if someone had an issue. Yes the infidelity was the bigger of the issues and all that goes with that. The thing is there are many people you are compatible with in life. It’s all about the decision you make, the commitments you already have and all those important things. That’s normal controllable and part of life. This attraction was different and the point I’m making I guess. If you aren’t available to be together, trying to have some other type of relationship might not be doable despite the best intentions. There are a lot of people on here describing the same thing so there is obviously something to it that is more than noticing someone new. So yeah, people come on here saying they meet a cousin and it’s a big crazy thing but the are committed, the advice they get is stay true to their relationship and not continue contact. This is the result of trying to hang in as friends maybe.
  19. ReachIntoTheVoid

    Confused

    It sounds like a BS reason to me because you've been together 2 years and she didn't have an issues before. My feeling is that there is another reason she wants to break it off but she's pinning it on the cousin issue.
  20. I met my cousin as an adult and we are together now. We are not married and have no kids so it's not complicated. It sounds like you were married when you fell in love with your cousin, right? I see that as the issue here because that's infidelity.
  21. I've had relationships that lasted years and I originally met the guy on a dating site. The reason why I prefer to meet online rather than a bar is because it's easier to filter out people online. For example, I don't want to be a step mom so I don't dare guys with young kids. During online dating you can find our right away from a profile if they work, I'd they have kids, what their interests are, deal breakers, if they smoke, etc. Finding out takes mere seconds and then you can decide to message them or just move on. I only messaged for a short time (a day, if that) and then met up the guy for coffee to see if there was chemistry. Much prefer filtering out guys before meeting up. I've never met someone at a bar. I'd hate to waste an hr talking to someone to find out delabreakers that I could have found out in 5 seconds from reading an online dating profile.
  22. pooch

    dating website

    That's true. But long term relationship like... 3 months max? I think thats fair, eh? But I think that if I am the girl, I would rather meet the guy at a bar rather than on a dating site, isn't it? 🤔 At least at the bar, there's the 'sparks' right away and yeah the possible chemistry.. 😅 Pooch
  23. Turbogs

    Confused

    So my cousin/girlfriend and I were talking and she basically told me that it is only the fact that we are cousins is the reason she doesn’t want to be with me
  24. That’s a shame but thanks for the feedback Ambra Flows. I’m not sure what else would’ve been helpful honestly as there was quite a lot I could share. If you have any questions I’m happy to answer them.
  25. Wow, I don't get the hate for dating sites. I used them in the past to meet several men that I had long term relationships with. I'd much rather meet a man through a dating site than randomly at a bar or something.
  26. You've basically said nothing, because you didn't provide any detail, only your impressions and conclusions. But even if you did tell us the whole story, everyone experiences everything differently. No two romances of any kind are alike. I don't think a general warning will change anything. It's like saying you could get run over crossing the street. And the people that hear that warning will cross the street anyways because they think their experience will be different. For sure, the damage in a cousin-romance can affect the whole family, as you allude to. But people write in here, with different stories to tell about that, and many are positive. In my family, besides me, we had another cousin-romance. The couple lived together for 12 years, and when they broke up, the man moved away from the family and cut them all out of his life. The family at large was kept out of their fallout. For my cousin-romance, my cousin-love died decades ago, but the relationship did no lasting damage to our family when he and my other relatives were alive. Everyone can tell a different story. Best of luck to you. Ambra
  27. I'm female. Even if our families were okay with it, we still don't want to get married. Neither of us like the institution of marriage and don't want the govt to get involved in our relationship and honestly, the idea of having a wedding makes me shudder. It's just something I've never wanted. To note, where we would be living is not a common law state so just living together does not make us married in the eyes of the law. We are hoping to live together but claim separate bedrooms/bathrooms and tell our families that he's just renting with me (he has lived with other family members in the past so this isn't unheard of). He doesn't make a whole lot and I could claim that while I'm helping him out with cheap rent, his paying rent would be helping me to save for a downpayment on a house someday. Very reasonable and responsible, right? Thus, not living together for romantic purposes but for practical ones, just having a relative for a roommate. What do you think?
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