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  2. I'm sorry to hear that you felt your life was not worth living anymore at one point, but I am also happy that you are here now to figure it out. How old are both of you? Do you live near each other? The feeling of being afraid that it will ruin what you have recently gotten back is a very valid feeling and I can understand not wanting to do that. Have you ever made a comment or teased her in a sort of non cousin way just to test the waters? If so, how did she react? When you talk, what do you talk about? Do you talk about your day or your week or is it more stuff like the weather?? Anyway, I am glad you are here and I'm sure you'll gather a lot of stories and good advice if you look through the threads. There are people that have been here a very long time and know a lot and have a lot of good thoughts.
  3. Today
  4. Hi, I have a love for my first cousin for years and years which made me stay away from her and let it create this border between me and her because I was too nervous to even talk to her. This went on for years and it started bothering me back in November where on 1st December, I nearly took my own live because I couldn't live with the feeling anymore. Doing this has encouraged me to fix our cousin relationship and we talked regularly on Facebook and have met once on 13th December and meeting again next week, but I can't remove how I feel about her and it's getting me down a lot and always on my mind. We are christians so first cousin marriages isn't against it but I don't know if she feels the same and if she doesn't, how she will react because I don't want to ruin what we've already built in these recent months and I don't know what to do about it and I am always jealous when she is with other people wishing that was me and her and it's too hard and I need advice on what I should do, I want to tell her but I am too afraid that will ruin what we have and make things very awkward. Please help
  5. Yeah it would be so much easier to move out of Texas! However, I think you are overthinking everything. You could certainly get a family law attorney and he can guide you through the right steps. This I do know: Your kid's relationship to you are son and daughter -- it supersedes anything else. Wife/cousin is just a spouse. Head of household will typically be the way a family would file vs filing separate. Being cousins doesn't change this! If you don't feel comfortable with this, it is time to move to a cousin-friendly state. Who says you have to buy your first home in Texas? If you do stay in Tx, your family needs to sit down and understand some legal terms.............
  6. Yesterday
  7. It became a major issue for many people including me.Its hard to live without our beloved one.Cross cousins can be married in india not parallel cousins. Cousin marriage is valid in muslim and Christian not in Hindu.What a fate!! I can't live without marrying my first cousin..It's a problem to many people..pls frnds it's not late pls unite to take good decisions
  8. It became a major issue for many people including me.Its hard to live without our beloved one.Cross cousins can be married in india not parallel cousins. Cousin marriage is valid in muslim and Christian not in Hindu.What a fate!! I can't live without marrying my first cousin..It's a problem to many people..pls frnds it's not late pls unite to a good decisions
  9. Hi all. Its been awhile since we have posted but wanted to give an update. We have been together for 10 years now have 2 beautiful children and 1 on the way (Last one wife says lol). Its been a hard road getting to this point and, living in Texas, i still have some fears. I want to move out of state to not have to worry but we do have family and friends here we are close to so the decision has been tough. We are now into our "Adulting Years" and are now planning on buying our first home and have been investing and saving as much as possible to make that dream a reality. There are so many questions i have that are hard to have answered in my state. How can i put my kids on the life insurance policy as beneficiaries when it asks for the beneficiaries relationship to me? What about my wife (Not legally married since we live in Texas)? How can i add either my children or my wife to my employers health insurance as again we arent legally married and i couldnt sign my name on the birth certificate for my children? Tax returns have also been stressful filling out here as we arent ever 100% sure how to claim dependents and head of household credits. All in all things have been great but there are several things that make it difficult especially in this state. I more wanted to post an update but welcome any advice or questions anyone has.
  10. Last week
  11. I feel like maybe I should apologize or try and make things right but that would just set me back. I don't know. Thinking about it now, how messed up she is, I shouldn't have tried to rely on her or expected her to be there for me - regardless of how much I was there for her. I just idolized her so much and had her on such a pedestal I didn't see how messed up and broken she actually is until I think about it now.
  12. It looks like you are well on the way on the road to recovery. As time goes on, her spell over you will wane and you'll begin to think clearly again. You sound like a good person Leathat, one day you will find someone who appreciates and reciprocates those qualities. You need to learn to love yourself before you can expect anyone else to love you. Coming off as obsessive, co-dependent, clingy etc. are not attractive traits, especially to a woman. Once you are able to live with yourself, your fear of being alone will disappear along with these negative traits. These scars will fade, but they never really go away. Although I'm not near as angry and cynical as I used to be, it's still there. Something about these 'relationships' permanently changes you... you deal with such extreme emotional pain, that as a last act of self preservation your mind builds these barriers. You no longer feel sadness, or happiness, or anger.. your're just... numb. You're guard will always be up from now on... once bit, twice shy. This is the final emotion in the healing process, when the dust settles all you'll feel towards her is pity. Her life is a train wreck, you just happened to be riding along...be glad you jumped off before she took you with her. You can't stop it, you can only observe as her life slowly deteriorates. People like that do not build you up, they take you down with them and anyone else along for the ride. You can't change the past, but you can learn from it and change your future. Take this as a hard lesson learned. Use this traumatic experience as a catalyst for change..for the better.
  13. I never thought we were together but I did think we had our own separate relationship. A romantic friendship more or less. We talked a lot about our feelings for each other. She told me she was in love with me, but she'd never go for it because we were cousins. She told me we were special,that we were soul mates, that we had past lives together. That she didn't care what people thought of us - including her boyfriend. We were physically intimate for eight years. She became increasingly sexual with me over the past year. I didn't believe we were together but I believed we were something.
  14. SeatleSeven hit the situation head on! She has never loved you, at least like you wanted her to., she has only used you and it has affected you greatly. Best to cut her out and off completely. It amazes me though that you thought you two were together and yet you said she had a boyfriend. I would say that was a VERY BIG clue that there wasn't a relationship between the two of you. Cut your losses and the potential for any further hurt and move on. Easy?? No but you will get through this if you are determined. Best wishes.
  15. "Ask yourself; you have always been there for her, but has she always been there for you? You would do anything for her at the drop of a hat, but would she do the same?" This is all true. It didn't matter what was going on in my life, who I was with, where I was, my financial situation, anything. I was there for her for whatever or whoever she needed me to be. Brother. Friend. Lover. Cousin. Man. She was never there for me when I needed her. She came to my city once when I became homeless and she didn't even visit me. I had to trek across a city metropolis to go see her at her friends house. I have left this city so many times just wanting her to tell me to stay and she never has. After my dad died. I had a particularly difficult day. My thing with him was coffee. She knew this. I asked her to come out with me because I was having a hard day. She said she had to get ready to go some where. She has lied to me continuously throughout our relationship saying she's staying in for the night and doesn't want to see me when she's gone to see other people. When we first started fighting five months ago it was after she broke up with her boyfriend - the man who she constantly complained she hated and only cared about as a fashion accessory because they looked good together - I was on the verge of becoming homeless, losing my job, losing everything I owned, suicidal and she just ignored me. I've stood in front of her talking her down with a knife in her hand threatening to kill herself and walked towards her as she threatened to cut me, to take it from her. I have been to hell and back caring for that woman. Unimaginably so. I have carried her miles across the city to get her home as she is too drunk to walk. Every time she'd call me wasted in the middle of the night. I tuck her in and take off her glasses and leave food and water beside her bed for in the morning when she's hung over. I have done... terrible unspeakable things to people in defense of her... I have put my life in danger to protect her when she's a drunk idiot starting trouble with bad people. I saved a man's life from a fentanyl overdose. We all used to do a lot of drugs. I don't any more. She claims she doesn't. We were going to a party on new years and she said people would be doing drugs and I said I'd be fine if she didn't do any and that turned into a big argument because she had a friend kill himself the year before because he got brain damage from an over dose. She vehemently proclaimed she doesn't do drugs and I told her that's a lie and she does when she's wasted. A month later she tells me shes done coke on her birthday. Called me up, drunk and lost downtown begging me to come save her, said she did meth with an ex girlfriend of hers. Told me she did ecstasy with her sister. She works at a gosh darn medical office where hundreds of her clients have died from fentanyl overdoses from drugs She doesn't respect me or herself. I have stayed single for eight years so I can love her. You are right. Others have told me this as well but it's different hearing it from someone outside. I know I'm a valuable man. Loving her has both taught and shown me how good a lover I am capable of being. My loyalty is unrivalled. My strength and bravery is unquestionable. I am fearless. But I am so afraid of life without her. I already eat very well. I'm a hobbyist chef. I do it as an act of self love. I've lost weight and become stronger because of my job. I've put all of my pain and energy into myself and truthfully, from an outside perspective... Losing her has been the best thing for me that has ever happened. I was fat, lazy, apathetic and living on disability pension. Now... I slay at work. I am a machine. Every day I am stronger... but so filled with rage and sadness and bitterness. I've lost my empathy and my compassion. I've lost happiness. The things she said to me though of love have literally burnt into the fabric of my soul. I pity her though... and know why she is the way she is... She's told me of terrible things. Of being a 15 year old teen. Going to BDSM sex parties with people twice her age. Backwoods off grid hippie sex cults. Things she calls an experience that opened her mind. Things I believe damaged her. I tried to protect her from everything. Including herself. I never wanted to fall in love with her. I wished we'd connected when we were teens or kids... but she was always off somewhere doing things much older than I was in. Her dad is a piece of holy crapoly!. Her boyfriends are pieces of holy crapoly!. I just wanted to be a nice man to her and for a time she was just a nice woman. I idolized her and looked up to her. Successful. Strong. Independent. Sweet. Beautiful. Confident. Then the facade began to shatter or maybe she changed. She never used to be so materialistic and narcissistic. She was a hippie chic. She wanted to be a nurse. Then she told me she only wanted to do it for the money and didn't care about people. Then she began talking down about her overweight friends and frenemies. She talks about plastic surgery often now for things she doesn't need to change and things her idol would shame her for. Id always tell her she was pretty... even after no makeup and five days of drinking. She told me she was happy she was comfortable not wearing makeup around me and I made her feel pretty... because she was pretty... She lives at her moms now. Nearly rent free. Making more money than I do. No drivers license. Spends thousands of dollars on high end clothes she never even wears once and just pisses away her paycheques from her job her mom got her that she can't be fired from no matter how many Mondays she misses. She is an alcoholic. She turned me into an alcoholic. Drinking until I was blackout drunk just to be with her. To have that blissful drunk love of lies. I haven't drank in five months now since I haven't seen her. Losing her was the best thing that could happen to me...
  16. Correct! I wish someone had told me this long time ago. My cousin ghosted me twice, in the mean time he was having fun and blamed me at the end lol. Now, I know that he never loved me and never will because love is not what he has been doing all these years. Its all about himself and his family, I mean after kissing and almost kissy-faceing if he calls himself my brother then I have not seen a narcissist like him in my life. Anything he says is fine, anything he does is fine, but when I moved on after getting dumped by him then I was a cheater. Maybe he thinks he is doing me a some kind of favor by being with someone else and calls it a sacrifice, well if that makes him sleep well at night and justify his actions or narcissistic behavior then that's not my problem. I never asked for a sacrifice, I suffered the most. Its true till now I was in touch with our relatives or his family, because there was a hope but as I realize that he never really loved me, I have decided to cut off all relatives from my life just to be happy. I know I can never be happy, knowing he is with someone else and if I still stick around. Now, I don't even care whether he still thinks I cheated on him, I do not owe an explanation to him or anyone. If calling me a cheater and by throwing under the bus makes him sleep well at night then good for him. But, for sure whatever it is the way he treated me all these years is not love. I really don't want his or anyone's fake concern saying 'hope you find someone who loves you' because if it is meant to be it will happen and I will not have to cry or run after that person. Many people claim that they are in love but don't even understand the value of it. Most people are fake and do not know how to truly respect relationships.
  17. That first photo went too far...😅
  18. Leathat, What I'm going to tell you is not what you want to hear but what you need to hear because nobody told me what I needed to hear when I was in your situation. First, you need to cut off all contact with your cousin immediately. Second, you need to realize that your cousin never loved you and never will. She has been using you as an emotional dumpster, a shoulder to cry on while she's hopping around between different men. Ask yourself; you have always been there for her, but has she always been there for you? You would do anything for her at the drop of a hat, but would she do the same? No, because shes a selfish narcissist. Cut her out of your life immediately. Realize you are a man, you have value as a human being and that value is not contingent on the approval of anyone else. Hit the gym, join a marshal arts group, start eating healthy, take a trip to clear your mind. Do not allow yourself to be manipulated by her or anyone one else, do what's best for YOU. The road ahead of you is a long and difficult one, but I promise if you focus on improving yourself it will get better. You'll go from being a weak shell of a man to being chiseled out of wood. Good luck brother.
  19. Leathat, Don't think too much, don't rely on people for happiness. Reflect on your and her situation with a cool mind, give yourself some time to think. Sometimes people get scared of obsessive behavior, it gives off very negative energy. You need to understand one thing, those who genuinely care for you will never leave your side and those who don't will never think good for you even if you try hard to please them. Are you worried about everyone leaving you alone, be mentally strong and know that you don't need others to be happy? Maybe you should learn to put yourself above everyone else. Don't be so weak and don't let people to easily manipulate you. It is okay to be hated by people, friends or relatives. You cannot make everyone happy, love yourself and put yourself and your happiness above everyone else. It is okay to love someone who does not reciprocate your love equally. Acknowledge your feelings and never be ashamed of them, you know you love her and you own that, don't let her or anyone else have control over your emotions. No one is asking you to stop loving her, you can still love her and love yourself too. Give yourself some time, don't make permanent choice based on temporary feelings. Sometimes hurt and betrayal is all in our head, we don't know the other side of the story. We see what we want to see and believe what we want to believe but, in reality it does not exist (betrayal, cheating, how people perceive you and/or negative emotions or feelings about your image). Face her, acknowledge your feelings and don't be ashamed of yourself. You can't change how you feel or your emotions for her. Love her at a distance :) but, live your life at the same time. I hate it when people cannot communicate properly, instead of talking about their problems or issues people choose to ignore or run away from each other. I don't know your cousin's story, maybe she had many bf's. But, from my own experience all I can tell you is that when I broke-up with my ex, I also blamed my cousin for my failed relationship. When we are in a relationship we become needy and would do or believe anything because of the fear of being alone. In my case there were many reasons I did not approach my cousin such as; guilty feeling, feeling of being not good enough, and the most important for me was that I felt like its not fair to go back to him because I had my chance of being with someone else and he also deserves to be happy in his life. So, you don't know what is wrong with her and you can't understand her emotions. When emotions are not in control, people do not know what they are doing their common sense is shut down. Stay strong, I know the feeling of being left out is not so good. It hurts but, you can't force her to be with you. Don't go to family gatherings and disconnect completely that will help. It should be all or none situation, it is not easy have feelings for her and hangout with her friends or family. No one has time to care about you or your feelings, so stop entertaining your friends or cousins. Take care of yourself, I hope you two can talk someday and figure out what you two really want.
  20. We are so sorry to read about your heartache. You say you are second cousins (mums sisters), we are 1st cousins and have a healthy 28yo daughter. we hope you can find the strength to try again and we wish you happiness for the future
  21. I do not think anything has changed. I suppose there will always be those that drum up the hemophilia aspect and stats that are not representative of cousin couples. A LOT on the internet is recycled garbage. People write these halt-baked articles and put ads on them and post them on the internet. It's mostly kids probably not in high school yet. I don't really follow Alan Bitles; however, the NSOGC and Martin Ottenheimer agree that you shouldn't worry about the outcome and they do not recommend any special tests. You should order the book. I posted a paper from the NCOGC not long ago. Maybe you can find it.
  22. Earlier
  23. Thanks but I don't know how it can get better. My mom is going to die soon and my dad is already dead and my relationship with my cousins side (dads) has already fallen apart and I'm going to be completely alone. She promised me she'd never leave me. She knew how fragile I am. She knows everything about me. We know everything about each other. It'll never go back to what it was. She doesn't want it to and I keep treating her like holy crapoly! anyways because of all this pent up holy crapoly! she won't give me closure on. It can't get better it can only get worse and more alone. There's nothing to get better to. My mom will die, I'll still be without my cousin and I'll still be alone and heart broken. I don't even know who I am any more. I have no hobbies no interests... She was my hobbies and interests. She was literally the reason for my existence... Before her I was alone and sad and hated myself. Because of her I'm strong. Brave. A good man. A patient man and a sweet lover. I think I'm beautiful. But it's for nothing now... I was so kind to her and so in love with her... I've never seen anyone express what I gave her. I've never felt anything what she gave me. I don't know why someone would do what she did to me. Truthfully she was a holy crapoly!ty person. She cheated on every boyfriend she ever had. She broke every man's heart. She's vain and has no self worth and secretly hates herself. She's fake to people and two faced... But she was never any of that to me... And I stood by her every holy crapoly!ty thing she did to people. She wasn't always like that. We made pacts to love ourselves more but her vanity is out of control. She was a genuinely kind person. Now she's just a narccistic But I was there for her. Every time. No matter what. No matter what or who she needed I was it. A friend. A lover. Everything... And she threw me away. Also sadly I can't afford a therapist. I'm looking at options with my health insurance but it doesn't cover much. Even then... Like... I need somebody who can relate to me. Nobody can relate to this. Nobody knows what I felt for her or how we were together or what im feeling now I love my aunt a lot. She's like another mom to me but I can't go see her because my cousin lives with her and I'm scared she's going to die too and I'm going to have missed out with her... and when she does die all of my cousins will alienate me. It's already happening. Her sister and I already don't get along and her brothers are mostly impartial. None of them have asked how I'm doing this past five months. None of them have asked me to hang out. We all did everything together. Now I'm nobody to them. Even her sister in law. I was friends with. Hasn't spoken to me and won't comment on what's going on because the two of them are best friends now. She's taken everyone and everything from me. My entire life.
  24. So, I have family. Two cousins, first cousins. They wanted to get married in Ohio where both resided.They drove to Kentucky and got married. Then drove back to Ohio and thats where they live. Is their marriage still, legal. Certain family members are having a small calf, that they did this. Im concerned their marriage might be illegal, should i have anything to worry about, to let them know its ok?
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