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  1. 3 points
    you don't. he either feels the same or he doesn't. you don't say if he is also gay or not. but i have to tell ya, fast heartbeat and sweaty does not mean "love". it means lust. there is a huge difference between the two.
  2. 2 points
    first cousin marriage has been illegal in the state of texas since 2005. however, the laws do not extend to first cousins once (or twice) removed. you'll be fine
  3. 1 point
    Now that I have a brief moment to take this in and reply a little more carefully, I hope I can say something of use. However, it looks like LadyC said pretty much exactly what I would have said, so mostly, I'll just say, "what she said." At the moment, I suspect that you're experiencing so much confusion. The "makeout" session sounded like it was amazing - incredibly thrilling. The rest sounds like it wasn't quite as exciting but all the same, that probably has more to do with your emotions after the fact. If we were to take it pragmatically, the sex act itself can be anywhere between "meh" and "that was so incredible; am I even still alive?!?" with just about anyone depending on comfort, practice, familiarity, mutual effort, and emotional investment. So let's get past that because there's a lot more going on here. Your cousin has been an incredibly close friend for a very long time. He's someone you've known and trusted probably longer than you've known and trusted your boyfriend. So, now you're at a crossroads. In retrospect, you realize that your cousin was a fling and probably one that you should have avoided. It answered that question and fulfilled that fantasy that he shared with you (and that evidently provided you some degree of fantasy to indulge as well). It also, as LadyC pointed out, crossed a point of no return. First, you and your cousin have had sex, and like losing virginity, you don't get to put that back. For the rest of your lives, you will forever be two people who've seen one another naked, shared the most physically intimate moment a man and woman can share, and shared what is (at the moment) a secret so deep many people would never mention it to anyone they know. At the same time, any hope you may have had in being faithful to your boyfriend is gone. Of course, this assumes that you have always been faithful before - you didn't say but I'll give the benefit of the doubt - and assumes your intent is a "happily ever after", given the use of "committed relationship". This means that, if you and your boyfriend eventually have children, you will forever know that at some point, you had a moment of decision that led to a tryst outside of that relationship. Of course, this also assumes that you and your cousin didn't create any children yourselves. I don't say all of this as a point of shame but rather of reflection. With that now firmly in our minds, we must look to the future. What is done cannot be undone so the future is all that remains. You and your cousin both have a point of decision. If you truly do not believe you will end up together in your own cousin marriage happily ever after, I'm afraid LadyC is right: you are forced to break all ties with him; thank him for his friendship and for all that he has meant to you, but there are too many reasons that you cannot continue your friendship. First, no matter who you eventually end up with, that person must be able to trust you completely. The risk that at some point in the future, be it next week or in 10 or 20 years, you and your cousin end up in another tryst is just too great. It happened precisely because you have a close, deep, trusting relationship. You have a question about whether, when, and how to tell your boyfriend. If you carry this guilt in silence, it may cause you to act out against your boyfriend in ways you don't realize, and can manifest itself in either insecurity or, worse, more cheating (an ironic form of self-medication), until finally caught. On the other hand, you know quite well that if you tell your boyfriend, he will be hurt and may leave you. When he finds out who, he'll be even more hurt because he likely trusts your cousin to be alone with you and never see you in this light. And this says nothing of your boyfriend's view of sex between cousins (the "ick" factor). It's going to be hard. In my view, you have to completely break off your relationship with your cousin, lay out all of the cards on the table with your boyfriends, and move forward from there. Maybe you'll have a chance to repair your relationship with your boyfriend. Maybe not. However, you're young and no matter how this ends, you'll have learned some things that you likely could learn no other way. Sometimes, our character is defined less by the mistakes we make than by how we handle them. Best wishes and God bless, CM
  4. 1 point
    My bf is an amazing man. Smart, funny, educated, treats me well, the whole 9. I have never had so much of a thought of stepping out on him. So that's also what pickles me. How in the hell did I wind up here? As much I would love to be open and honest with my boyfriend...i can't. He's a no nonsense type of guy and I will lose him. I know I know, why didn't I think of all this before, right? I don't have a good enough explanation for that. As Lady mentioned, when he kissed me I got lost in the hormones mixed with the taboo. kissy-face
  5. 1 point
    It really only happened "once" but because I'm a very technical person I say twice. On the first occasion, he entered me and pulled out, no thrusts. It was on vacay that we actually fully indulged.
  6. 1 point
    I assume that you and the others in this forum are well experienced on the matter of cousin-cousin relations so your thoughts and opinions are very much appreciated. Maybe gbey will help to give me some clarity, as i still remain confused. Honestly, the sex was...nothing to be remembered. It didn't last long and I for one didn't climax. The whole thing was so anticlimactic that I had to tell him....he was apologetic and said that my comment was hurtful (sigh).
  7. 1 point
    Welcome to the forum, Hasan! You may find good answers to your question in the "Shoot the Breeze" or "Help/Advice" forums on the page. There are some pinned posts at the top of those forums and many people have also asked this question and received some really good answers. Honestly, it's hard to say for every situation, but at 16, you're a little young to start a relationship with her, especially if she's 20. I'd say you're at least two to four years away. Also, I do not know where you are or your family or religious background, and these definitely play a major part in how you should approach discussing this with her. If I had one piece of advice that's universal, I'd say treat her as your best friend and become her best friend by being a person she can talk to who listens. You have to be willing to listen to anything she talks about (even other guys) without giving any judgment or advice unless she specifically asks for it. I hope that helps give you some direction. God Bless & Best Wishes, CM
  8. 1 point
    Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing! I hope I'm wrong, but I think LadyC may be right. There's no way of any of us knowing what's in his heart or mind. Possibly he's a little freaked out right now. Maybe he has much more long-term in mind but doesn't know what to do about that, given the confusion caused by being cousins. No doubt you're also feeling confused, even if he hadn't said what he did. Joining as you have is the most intimate thing a man and woman can do and, given the intensity and depth of your friendship leading up to that, it's bound to have deep emotional impact on you both. The only thing you can do is talk it through. I recommend long phone conversations. Not text. Not in person (lest you end up talking about it the same way you have already twice). And not just once. Talk about it, sleep on that conversation, and talk again. Wash, rinse, and repeat. There are really three conclusions: 1) for better or worse, you'll go your separate ways and it won't happen again; 2) you'll attempt to revert to the way things were before (which will fail); or 3) you'll end up married and having to figure out how to explain this to mom, dad, siblings and others. While that may presently sound shocking, don't be terribly surprised; a quarter of a century later, here my wife and I are as proof that it can work God bless and best wishes, CM
  9. 1 point
    LOL! LadyC Now you just hit a funny bone in me. You are so right! Tom Cruise is our age. Omg I'm losing it! ha ha ha ha! (I know I rarely post like that... But sometimes I do. nyahahaha!) And just when I thought that Tom Cruise was the standard of being a catch... **facepalm** Well, I sure bet your cousin-husband is more attractive than Tom Cruise! hahaha Pooch PS: Sooo.. Uhh.. Pickledpie, if there's an actor that resembles him, a celebrity or something like that, may I know who could that be? It does not have to be in Hollywood... I just thought that he would be supercute (bolded and emphasis added) for you, am I right?
  10. 1 point
    wow pooch LOL, that's the most unusual response i've ever seen you post! besides... tom cruise? really? you're thinking OUR age, not hers! if she's in college she's probably thinking cruise is kinda cute for an old fart LOL. pickledpie, i think what you're experiencing is a rush of hormones mixed with the excitement of a taboo. honestly, the fact that he suggested cooling things off AFTER you had sex with him sends up major, major red flags. he told you from the start that he wanted to fulfill his fantasy about sleeping with you (or something to that effect) and now he has. you may no longer be useful to him other than as a bed warmer until someone "safe" comes along. but i guess there is no putting the genie back in the bottle, and you'll probably pursue this right to the bottom of heartbreak ridge. i hope i'm wrong.
  11. 1 point
    I think LadyC may be on to something when it comes to the media. I'm definitely not that guy (for a lot of reasons, especially #s 2-4 - I'm over 40, overweight, Ginger, and don't care for television - done it and didn't like it... looked stupid). But in any case, yes, some meaningful media may be useful. To that end, perhaps we should take a different approach altogether... I'd be willing to invest some time building a WordPress for the "static" content and then we could use that same platform for a couple of articulate "bloggers" to write some real articles and publish them right here. As for the maintenance of the site going forward, I've considered whether we should/could start a non-profit foundation that would fund the site and other related educational activities, but those usually require a public-facing spokesperson and I'm not sure such a thing can legally exist with a totally pseudonymous board of directors. KC, the car mechanic analogy is a good one. This site is a labor of love but from my side of it, I think it's more like those really nice bushes that grow up in front of the windows of the house; they can look really nice if pruned and maintained but even when they get really shaggy and grow higher than the top of the windows, they're still alive. We're breathing, boss!
  12. 1 point
    With her being in a relationship, she may not want to be that close with you, even through texting. Her attention is probably focused on her present interest. Don't take it wrong, just be in there if she needs you. She knows how you feel/felt and may not want to unintentionally lead you to think there may be more in store for a relationship with you. She may never be in the place that she feels she could return any romantic feelings. Are you prepared for the event that you may never be that close again? Best wishes on your journey.
  13. 1 point
    I just one everyone to have a good vibes..have a blessed Sunday to all!! Glad we have each other.. same hugot!! Ingat kayo lahat !!! Pooch..stay warm!! Tired of snow here as well!!
  14. 1 point
    I see..a troll indeed... i thought so.. Pooch
  15. 1 point
    Hi ate kulasa, pooch and 9/9/2004 ok naman ako. Trying to keep busy. Rebuild my little life. Sinubukan naman niya bumawi. Pero this week wala ulit. Mahirap talaga pag andito parents nya. Ang hirap na pati pag punta ko ng malls kelangan ko magingat. Nanganak pala partner ng kapatid ko ngayon kaya mejo mixed feelings. Masaya kasi may pamangkin na ko. Malungkot kasi naiisip ko baka di ko na maexperience yung having a baby
  16. 1 point
    or maybe it was a private message, i'm not sure. i just remember the same filters peppering his story.
  17. 1 point
    he's just trying his hand at writing erotica and got caught in a web of naughty word censors. he sent the same thing recently as a message through the email to the staff. i think he just copied and pasted here because nobody responded to his juvenile email.
  18. 1 point
    First cousin. My mom and her dad ay magkapatid. The thing is though, they are 'magkapatid' but 'questionable'. And the reason why I say that is because her dad is not fully sure whether they have the same dad. But suffice it to say, both of them have the same mom. So either they are full blooded siblings or half-siblings. And so we are first cousins. Responsible? I have to be! lol. Otherwise, wala kaming patutunguhan ni gf. And besides, I think that's makes a guy attractive -- isn't it? I dunno.. and it just adds confidence na rin which spirals things upward. The problems and stuff like those, of course sure dumarating yan, pero it's how you deal with it kasi and sometimes, even avoiding them before it gets to your plate. For example, I want to be financially stable para sa future namin ni gf. It means I cannot just buy a brand new car even via loan or something like that even though I can...I'm pretty sure you know what I mean. Nabangga kasi ako lately. Meron akong 70K lang na 1998 Oldsmobile. I just bought it for less than $3K 3 years ago. Eh binagga ako sa intersection just about a month ago. I'm okay naman, walang galos, walang anything. But my car is a total wreck. Sabi ng mga tao sa paligid ko, "Uy panahon na to get a new one!" blah blah blah... My sister is even willing to loan me something for me to get something na may dating talaga if you know what I mean... My parents back in Vancouver are even willing to 'lend' me (which is quite ironic given that they are already on their pensions) money para makabili ako ng talagang bigating kotse na "maipagmamalaki ko daw". Oh please... But then I got my own plans. Syempre gusto ko kasama rin si gf sa plano kasi we are together eh. I got a 2004 Buick for about $4300 lang. 144 clicks. I bought it cash. O edi walang problema! diba? I got a respectable car. An upgrade. Without mortgage. Without debt. Carry ng budget. And okay naman ang kotse. Sounds good! Heck, mas mura pa insurance ko! LOL! Anyhow, I gave that example sa itaas kasi nakatira ka sa North America eh, and you can definitely relate. hahaha. Thanks for wishing me the best. MInsan kailangan rin naming mga guys ng tapang no. Pooch
  19. 1 point
    I miss u dude! hahahahaha! *apir* Pare, I feel you.. Alam mo ba, nakwento nga kita sa cous-gf ko eh. Kasi may favorite kaming lugar dito kung saan kami nagde-date. Sabi ko sa kanya, "Walang hiya ka. Pag pinagpalit mo ko sa isang nagmamountain-climbing, susunugin ko itong restaurant na to". Bwahaha.. Tawa siya ng malakas eh Anyhow, with all seriousness though, I pray that you don't give up pare. Minsan kapag nadedrain ka, it's a spiral down yan eh. Sometimes, you have to force yourself to go out, wag magstay sa bahay and really experience another chapter in your life. Alam mo yun? Eventually, it should not be a fight... Call some of your friends again and enjoy your freedom, gawin mo kung ano ang gusto mong gawin noon na hindi mo magawa nung kayo pa kasi nirerestriktahan ka niya. lol. You have to learn to make yourself happy. Si Miss Model, oo nga, di na ata bumalik. I hope she's okay though. Pooch
  20. 1 point
    there have been two producers from the same show recently violate the terms of service for media people here lately. one posted a request on this site without contacting the admins first, the second sent me a pm but wouldn't wait for an answer before sending private messages to at least one member here. these people are not to be trusted. it is in your best interest not to deal with them at all. i have told them not to contact anyone here again. if they send you a message, please report and forward it to the admins here immediately.
  21. 1 point
    wow ma’am, i wish i can say that statement hoping pag gising ko wala na sya sa sistema ko...everyday i do that...tipong everytime i flush the toilet sana ganun kadali...pero talagang mahal na mahal ko pa sya...i just kept myself busy nalang and, well this move i decided while staying here sa PR, hope would heal me...and, well i am never coming back once nakaalis ako uli, it is just that hard and painful, that i, only choose places where i need to go habang nasa pinas pa ako..,memories and revisiting the places where you once go, make it more DIFFICULT...i dont even sleep in my own bedroom, because all of our times together were inside my room...not just the mature part, but also our child like behaviour when we once were ‘living in for almost 2 years’...i sleep mostly on the living room, drunk and para lang maka sleep ng maige ige...my youngest brother and his wife is helping me recover from it all...they suspected it before and inadmit ko rin para naman maintindihan nila side ko...which to my surprise, they have accepted me, us fully...but sadly she let me go and say she wanted a NORMAL life..like hell...ayun pinag palit nako and here i am, drained, tired, but fighting....just like you ma’am kulasa, and well i wish i can say that daily...when i wake up, i really do hope its out of my system...anyway more power to everyone POOCH, miss you pare hahahaha, nawala na talaga si model LONELYNSAD, i hope you’re ok, not posting ka na for a while, remember andito lang kami, kahit may mga dalang sugat, gagabayin ka namin 9/9/2004
  22. 1 point
    Hi Pooch, this is my very first forum, I used Kulasa because of my alma mater ( Scho😜..hint..hint). Yes, I leave here in US for more than 20 years, a State known for 10,O00 lakes, close to Canada as well. I want to stay focus for self development ( very active ako sa gym, rediscover myself by taking Jiu-jitsu, Zumba and weight lifting), I focus on my career and start investing some property sa Philippines for future retirement. I use the heart ache to inspire me to be a better version of me. Kaya wala plano sa Love life, I have to learn to love myself and built my happines within myself..I just develop the thing I have control. I’m not perfect, don’t get me wrong ... dumadating pa din yung WHAT IF and WISHFUL THINKING... He will remain part of me and have a special place in my heart. If magkikita pa kami..I just let the tadhan decide that. Joining and reading this forum really helps me to heal and understand yung pinagdaanan ko, Because of the people on this forum, made realized I am not alone.. Pooch, thanks for your input, coming from the guys statement, nasak din siya when he backed off. If you ask me how’s my heart ?? Mahal na mahal ko siya hanggang dun na lang yun. I just let the nature take care of it... hoping pag gising ko sa umaga..Wala na siya sa systema ko.
  23. 1 point
    Thank you very much for reply.. And best Of luck Friend..
  24. 1 point
    My husband and I are first cousins and related through our mothers. We have a healthy child together. That is proof right there!
  25. 1 point
    I see.. Thanks for sharing. So sa US ka pala naka-based. Ako naman sa Canada. Same situation tayo ate when it comes sa 'reputation' sa clan. Pero the difference siguro is parehas kami ng cous-gf ko ng sitwasyon reputationwise. Walang discrepancy unlike you na it seems like nasa ulap ka and siya naman nasa lupa. When you said na "...at the end he backed off", kasi masakit din sa kanya yun. But I think na both of you figured it out naman na and so that closure was really needed. I'm glad that you had experienced yung ganung emotional love. I mean, if it worked edi good; but if not, like what happened to you, I mean, it's not like everything else have fallen eh, diba? Those stuff were still real, no.. Kahit papaano.. The fact is, you loved and that felt good and so it's all fair game... Shrug it off na lang ate and "lose like Pacman". I mean, lose 'like a boss' -- and not a sore loser, ika nga. hehe.. diba? Natuwa ako dun sa 'twin flame'. lol. Anyhow, are you still looking ba ate? I know that you are open on dating at this point and stuff.. May manliligaw naman ba as of late? Or sarado pa muna si puso? I just want to ask kung ano na ang state ng puso naten. hehe. Sabi niyo kasi 2 years na eh and so I'm pretty sure, isang dosenang drum na ng luha na ang naiiyak ninyo sa kanya -- aba worth it na yun! hehe.. *peace* Pero seryoso, I feel like kayo yung tao na she knows herself eh and is mature na to handle atomic bombs of emotions like this. And so you can just bank this episode in your experience and then hope for a brighter next one. Whiiiiiiiich brings me to my next point. Napansin ko kasi yung handle ninyo is "Kulasa Manila". Were you in some kind of other forums before if you don't mind me asking? Or itong CC ang una ninyong forum na sinalihan -- ever? Kasi I was a member ng ibang forum din kasi and may nakainteract din akong Kulasa na taga-US noon like way back 9-10 years ago. Lol. I know it's a long shot so more likely na hindi ikaw yun but whatever. hahaha. San ka sa US ate naka-base? BTW, Okey si Barry Manilow ah! hehe.. Pooch
  26. 1 point
    Hi, I am in love with my first cousin and we want to get married but I am confused about the law. Well, I now we will face alot of problems becuse we are hindu and our society and family will never accept this but we can't live without each other and love each other very much. But the main question is. Is it legal or illegal for first cousin to get married. I did some research and found that according to the Hindu Marriage Act of India "the childern of brother and sister can't marry". But people in the south India tell it is legal to marry first cousin in India. Also, it is normal and first cousin marry in India everyday. Can you help me with this. What is true and what is false. Thank You, Shah
  27. 1 point
    here's a link for the definitive answer: http://www.statutes.legis.state.tx.us/Docs/FA/htm/FA.2.htm (A) an ancestor or descendant, by blood or adoption; (B) a brother or sister, of the whole or half blood or by adoption; (C) a parent's brother or sister, of the whole or half blood or by adoption; (D) a son or daughter of a brother or sister, of the whole or half blood or by adoption; (E) a current or former stepchild or stepparent; or (F) a son or daughter of a parent's brother or sister, of the whole or half blood or by adoption.";
  28. 1 point
    Yea, slow down my friend. You have plenty of time to grow into the confident woman that only comes from living. OK, so we know your hormones are indeed working. Do not put yourself in those situations until you are ready for more than just kissing. How old are you? Your cousin will probably marry much younger than you would typically in the States. The sooner you can tell your cousin how you feel, the better. My advice : do not marry younger. You are worth waiting for. Make him wait until you finish school. good luck
  29. 1 point
    Thank you SO much for your words 😊!!! Reading your response was a massive breath of fresh air and took the huge weight off my shoulders. I agree completely with what you said about the stronger bond and everything. I believe this is why it’s been next to impossible for me to let go of all the pain and disappointment: I loved a complete jerk who also betrayed me as a cousin... after HE begged me to trust him and take a chance on us, which I did 100%. Our Great Grandparents were first cousins and had a wonderful relationship that lasted their lifetimes. I guess this won’t be the case for us. I cannot thank you enough for what you’ve said.
  30. 1 point
    I recommend you not following him on any social media. Break off communication with him because it will make things easier. Pooch
  31. 1 point
    Sounds like he took advantage of you because you were in a vulnerable place after your dad's issues. There's nothing wrong with you, now is time to let it go and move forward
  32. 1 point
    He clearly is not right in the head and you did absolutely nothing wrong. Cousin relationships are naturally more emotional and naturally have a stronger bond than regular relationships. There overall is a stronger connection and dare I say, a stronger instinct to be true to the person and once cousins are together, many turn into lasting relationships. Cousins bring out a feeling of easier to trust and depend upon, with a strong feeling to commit. The percentage of those who do marry, have a much lower percentage of ever separating, as opposed to regular couples. The fact that he did not feel these ways, is solid evidence that he is not mentally or emotionally stable (he is completely unstable). Take comfort in knowing the fault of this is 100% on him since you not only did everything right, you followed what was natural and normal between cousin couples. -- He's just an a** and as painful that makes you feel, you shouldn't let his broken self, change who you.
  33. 1 point
    This is a post I've been meaning to write for a while, because I see so many people struggling with their feelings, and with how the world will/is responding. And I too struggled for years, and thought the idea of being with my cousin was impossible, and thought that if we were together, if by some chance he felt about me the way I felt about him, things would be impossibly hard. We've been married for about two months now. At the very least, members of our family(ies) accept us, and some of them are very happy we're together. Our friends all know and accept us. We are very lucky, and our world is not going to be what everyone gets, but I've learned that there are some advantages to cousin relationships that most relationships don't have, and I want to share that, because I think a lot of you don't know that, and are scared and confused, and I want you to know that not only are cousin relationships NOT impossible, but there are some things that make them special. So, for one thing. If/when your family accepts your relationship, here's a big plus: you are both invested in the same people. When our mutual grandmother (she just turned 87 and lives by herself) needs help, we are both right there to do everything we can. If one of us is more available than the other, that person spends the night at her house. If she's not feeding herself right, we both remind her of that, and if one of us decides to buy her nutritional supplements out of our grocery fund, the other one is happy about that. This is our family. We take care of them, and we both know why, and we both agree on that. Related, if there is a disagreement in the family, we send in the one of us who is best positioned to handle it. So, my husband/cousin's mother's husband (no relation to either of us) emailed the family saying he thought we should all come together and force our grandmother (again, no relation of his) into assisted living. And we talked about how to respond, and in that case my husband/cousin handled it beautifully. And I'm the one who calls our grandmother at least once a week, and tells her we both love her, and checks in on how she's doing, because I'm better on the phone. All of the above is about family, which is really important. But the personal is even more important. My husband/cousin and I saw each other a couple of times a year when we were kids. We didn't see each other for about ten years from adolescence to adulthood. After that, we saw each other again about twice a year, until I moved close to him and things got complicated. But at that point, I already knew him. I'd known him my whole life. We always talked freely about our relationships to each other. I watched him be a father to another woman's three girls, who weren't his, until she made it impossible for him. I knew what he would be like in a relationship before I was ever with him. I knew his strengths, and his flaws, just as he knew mine. And I knew that his strengths were exactly what I needed, and I knew that I complimented his flaws. I walked into this relationship knowing exactly what I was walking into, and loving him for who he is. To me, that's the most powerful potential about a cousin relationship. That you can know the other person, so well, on other terms, before you become romantically involved or commit to them. That's not something most people get to have. Anyone who reads this and is struck by it, or anyone who is struggling with the possibility of a cousin relationship, please feel free to respond here, or to message me directly. And for those of you who are in happy cousin relationships: anything to add?
  34. 1 point
    My dinner today is chicken kabab with noodles
  35. 1 point
    well since you are still getting to know each other that does put a different spin on it! he may just be freaked out about going public. and at this stage, you're right, it would be too soon. however, if you want something long-term and he just simply is not interested in such a commitment, then i'd definitely not ever let things get physical. that's just a heartache waiting for a place to happen (to quote an old janie frickie song).
  36. 1 point
    My first reaction to your post was to advise you to tell him to get lost! My second reaction was to reread your post to check if you mentioned if either one of you is in another relationship. If you are both free, he is not being respectful to you. Second cousins are not forbidden that we know of, so his attitude is completely selfish. You deserve better treatment. I'm notorious on this site for recommending a book: NASTY PEOPLE, HOW TO STOP BEING HURT BY THEM WITHOUT STOOPING TO THEIR LEVEL by Dr. Jay Carter. Your cousin is being an NP and expecting to control you. You can download the book from Amazon. If he wants to keep you a secret, he may have other interests. Have you actually met in person? Are any other relatives in contact with him? If you have other questions, let us know. We're on your side!! HUGS Nat
  37. 1 point
    What should you do? First learn punctuation and spelling. Run on sentences and no paragraphs make your post extremely difficult to read. Secondly, do not call yourself by a racist designation. We are all human beings and there is only ONE race. Thirdly, you are young - difficult I know - and very frustrating to be told to wait till you grow up. Time will cure that but it seems to take forever. Fourthly, get a copy of the book NASTY PEOPLE, HOW TO STOP BEING HURT BY THEM WITHOUT STOOPING TO THEIR LEVEL by Dr. Jay Carter. You can download it from Amazon or get it from your library. The book will help you in dealing with all sorts of people. The book is less than 70 pages and full of excellent information. Most especially, make sure you are being a true friend to your cousin before any other relationship. Good luck! HUGS Nat
  38. 1 point
    That's a tough situation to be in; I recommend that people only get involved with their cousins when they are interested in committing to serious relationship. A little late for me to offer that advice in this case though, obviously. It will be hard to get back to a normal cousin relationship, and it will definitely take time. It's possible your cousin wanted more than a fwb relationship with you. If that's not something you are interested in, you need to give him his distance. How many people manage to stay friends after they've been in a sexual relationship, even if it's supposed to be just sex? It happens, but it's less likely than not, and that's not taking into account the part about being family. If he's still recovering from his ex, that complicates things too.
  39. 1 point
    i agree! and let me add this... in most romantic relationships, both the guy and the girl will put on a mask... trying to be what they think the other person wants them to be. eventually that facade breaks down and you are stuck with the real person that you might not have known existed. in cousin relationships, most times you know each other as cousins, as real people, warts and all, before you begin having any romantic feelings. there is no mask to uncover. you get what you see from the very beginning. that's a huge plus. and the family connection really can't be denied. when mark and i moved back to texas after a decade in las vegas, i had to (nearly immediately) go to florida for a few weeks while our grandson was born. mark was going through a really rough transition... things he had to overcome. quite frankly he was going through withdrawals. and then he failed a drug test which meant he didn't get the job that he'd been expecting to have when we moved back. and he was depressed and trying to find work, and i wasn't there. this is where our aunts stepped in. well, my aunts, his great aunts. my mom and three of her sisters were sharing an apartment and they rallied around him. they invited him over every day after his job search. they fed him meals. they gave him companionship. they gave him encouragement. they told him family stories he'd never heard before. they loved him unconditionally and never passed judgment on him, never criticized him, never made him feel bad. they were a HUGE part of his recovery, and i have no doubt that they were a big part in him being able to stay clean and sober for these last six years. and when, one by one each of them fell ill, he was right there with me, every step of the way. he didn't have to be. he'd barely known these ladies when he was growing up, because they were his father's aunts. but he'd become so close to them during that time when we'd moved back that he was very invested in their every need. my mother moved in with us and lived here with us for five years. mark would move heaven and earth for each of the aunts when they needed something done. if one needed to go to the hospital, he was there to take them. if one was frantically trying to hide in someone else's closet in the middle of the night at the nursing home she'd moved to, mark was dressed and ready to go help calm her and get her back to her own room, no matter what time of night, even when he had to work the next day. when my own mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, my husband took three days off from work just to be here with her and help her adjust to the fact that she was dying. and he would sit up with her well into the night. he would take care of her as best he could. (which reminds me, years 15 years earlier he'd taken such good care of my father in much the same way, always being there to help if he had fallen or if he'd lost control of his bodily functions.. he would be there to take care of the things i was too squeamish to deal with). so yeah, there are a lot of awesome benefits to being married to someone who shares the same family. and i know that a lot of people in non-cousin marriages have spouses who would go above and beyond like that too, but they're few and far between. and here's one other thing, totally on a different subject. there's always a lot of fear regarding things that might be inherited because of the kinship. but many of the wealthiest families in history, even in america, (including the DuPont family, whose empire produces things that we find in nearly every aspect of our daily life, including our clothing and our carpet and our cookware, and kevlar for our military and police, etc.) the Factor family (think Max Factor Cosmetics), the Rockefellers (still big in government today) all understood that cousin marriage could STRENGTHEN the family bloodline because of desirable traits that would be passed down. in those families back in the early days cousin marriages were preferred. because the patriarchs of the family understood that. of course it also served to keep the money in the family. animal breeders understand that same concept that the rockefellers and duponts and factors understood. that's why horses and dogs are often bred with what would be called a cousin if it were humans instead of animals. cousins are far enough distant that deliterious genetic conditions can be recognized and identified (and therefore the pairing of those two avoided), and also that POSITIVE genetic traits (strength, endurance, speed, etc) can be identified and therefore purposely pairing those two to produce offspring with those desired traits. and there's my two cents. now i'm going to sit down with the grandkids and watch a movie.