Jump to content
  • Announcements

    • KC

      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

      Be informed on better ways to stay safe on the web -- Source: Mozilla


Popular Content

Showing content with the highest reputation since 08/20/2017 in all areas

  1. 2 points
    Allison We are a forum that believes in monogamy. So, accept that reality. Listen, your biggest problem is not the cousin factor; your biggest problem is the other woman in his life factor. You will never be first in his life. His wife is hesitant about bringing you into the relationship, not because you are his cousin, but because you are another woman! The family connection, as you called it, is her excuse for the hesitancy. You say you want to live for yourself; I get that and have made strides in that direction myself. This relationship, however, is not the key to living for yourself. Initially the sex will be great and you will feel blissful, but I guarantee that long-term, you will find yourself unhappy and resentful.
  2. 2 points
    Run, run, as fast as you can. He got another girl pregnant while sleeping with you also. He will continue to break your heart if you continue to pursue him.
  3. 2 points
    i also wouldn't let what she said bother you too much. she really is displaying ignorance. people fear what social media hasn't yet approved of. there is nothing wrong with your marriage. how old are your children anyway? if they are still very young, don't waste any time. if they grow up with the knowledge that you and their dad are second cousins, it won't be a big deal to them down the road. depending on their age i can recommend some children's books or classic literature (made into movies) that will help break the ice.
  4. 1 point
    yes, you can marry her. you're not the first person in the world to love a cousin in spite of family objections. and you won't be the first person to MARRY a cousin in spite of those objections. once you grow a pair and stand up to them and marry her, the majority of them will quit using your emotional frailty to blackmail you with. make no mistake, the choice to marry and be happy is yours and hers. nobody else's. you are either willing to let your family walk away or you're not. but if you're not, then quit whining about it and break up. dragging it out with all this drama isn't fair to anybody. yeah, i know that's harsh and mean sounding. i've already been "reported" today for being so cold. but you're playing games. you may not be doing it intentionally, but you are doing it, nonetheless. and sometimes the only way to get someone to stand on their own two feet is to give them a reality check like me and yankee are giving you. it's kinda like the guy who tries to save a drowning victim, and the only way to save him is to knock him out cold so he'll stop fighting... because in fighting for his own life, he's going to drown the person trying to save him. you're that guy. stop fighting.
  5. 1 point
    You don't need no one's permission to get married to someone you love.. if y'all both love each other... Then go for it... If I was in position, I would take that opportunity in a heartbeat
  6. 1 point
    Preach.. you are 100% right that's why I've been saying to this person. Take her advice you are grown you are paying the bills here. I'm going to be blunt, be a man and take your woman. Take on what is yours and be happy. She will do the same. Eventually down the line they have to accept on who you are as a couple. Be happy for you not for them. You going to end up short if you weren't about what they feel about the relationship, it's about you
  7. 1 point
    yes, you did nothing wrong. i think you're probably correct that the waves will slow to ripples and that she will probably let you back in as a friend, and quite possibly it might turn into something more. i would like to think her explosive reaction was partly because she would like to persue it but is afraid to. but i really have no idea. cap, if she doesn't come around, you need to let go of your concern about her trajectory. you can't fix her. and you need to also be aware that if she DOES come back around, and if it DOES turn into a thing between you, it could be a rocky road. people who have difficulty connecting emotionally are not easy people to live with, and forever is a long, long time.
  8. 1 point
    As far as I can tell, GA does not include cousins in their definition of incest. (Of course I am not a lawyer and do not give legal advice). Get thee a lawyer pronto. No matter what accusations are thrown at you, if GA does not define incest as occurring between cousins, then no lawyer or judge has a legal leg to stand on. You don't have to put up with this outrageous behavior. Stand strong. The law is behind you (as far as I can tell).
  9. 1 point
    My husband and I are 2nd cousins, married for 15 years with 2 children. We generally don't tell people about our family background. I recently had a conversation with a couple of friends and cousin marriage came up. One friend was almost vitriolic in her thoughts about how distasteful marriage between cousins/2nd cousins etc was, incestous etc. I did not mention our relationship. However her reaction has made me feel incredibly uncomfortable. For the most part my husband and I have never really thought about our relationship, apart from getting genetic counselling before children as we didn't know each other before meeting as adults so had no background or history with each other. But her reaction freaked me out, as sometime my children will know in detail. They currently know in vague terms, and they will more than likely tell their friends. It has made me feel like I have a nasty secret hanging over my head and it is really affecting how I feel about being 2nd cousins. The thought of people being outwardly like that to me is horrible. Has anyone else had similar reactions from people and how have you coped?
  10. 1 point
    reminds me of My ENC-1101 class and the looks and question I got when I presented my final essay which was on ... Jessie Woodard Jr ENC 1101 Ms. E. Holman September 13, 2003 Research paper topic: Kissing Cousins, The myth, and the facts behind cousin marriage Thesis statement: Society has for a long time had the facts about first cousin marriage wrong. I shall attempt to set the record straight as to the medical and moral facts of first cousin marriage. As well as introduce you to many famous married cousins. Got an A+ on it and a lot of great questions Some friends make look at it as awww if they truly are friends they will love you anyway
  11. 1 point
    if she is not correcting the people on "married" then I believe you will find she has feelings just as you do ...I will never forget my line..."If you weren't my cousin I would marry you in a heart beat" to which she answered its legal in this state
  12. 1 point
    What I always like the best was that we never had to chose who's family to spend holidays with. Hey C and KC, been a long time since I checked in. Although many of you are friends on my FB
  13. 1 point
    Tell your ex to go kiss your arse and bring on the custody battle. If the state allows the marriage, you are fine. You are not married to your cousin, so you are fine. He's huffing and puffing but as soon as he speaks to a lawyer (which I doubt he will ever do), he will be told that doesn't have a leg to stand on. So go lock yourself in the bathroom with your cousin and make out all you want.
  14. 1 point
    This is a difficult subject for me to answer without all up in arms because it gets me a little angry, to be honest. Everywhere you have the gay pride flag waving around...and gay marriage, to my knowledge, has never been legal in US history until a few years ago for everywhere. You have pedophilia that's trying to gain acceptance and there are people/groups that will actually defend pedophilia, saying Pedophiles are just like the LGBT in wanting to love who they love...*eyeroll* Then you have cousins....cousin couples were actually in the bible! Unlike Pedophilia....it's not sexually exploiting and taking advantage of children.....yet it's still looked at as disgusting and vile? Pedophilia's still looked at as disgusting and vile...and it's still against the law, which it always was and always should be. Polygamy and open relationships are celebrated. These are different groups trying to fight for the right and privilege to love and be accepted for who they love(Pedophilia never will, it just can't fly) Why can't that be cousin couples again? At one point in history, it was legal all over the US....but at some point down the line, states started making it illegal...I guess out of concern for how future generations would turn out. It just irks me though....why are is the LGBT being made legal and...well, I don't know what to say about pedophilia....and cousin couples are still looked at by the social circle, the media and legally as 'ick'? To me, this is so unfair....I have trouble comprehending it. So, to answer your question KC...I don't think so. For some reason, the western culture still considers this taboo and seem like they don't even want to acknowledge it or treat it like any other issue. It has to be hush hush and kept under the rug like it's something to be ashamed of.
  15. 1 point
    somehow i missed the fact that you were 20, thus making her 15. i'm glad you are willing to wait, because... well first off, you aren't in columbia, so their age of consent is irrelevant. and secondly, even in your state she is not yet 16, so she is NOT legally able to have a relationship with you with OR without parental consent. but thirdly, and most importantly, is this. she's still just a child. she's got emotions that she doesn't even know she has yet, and won't learn how to handle them for years to come. and no matter what any law says, or any person says, or any love-struck person thinks, a 15 year old lacks the maturity to handle a serious relationship. can it work? sure.... my mother-in-law married at the age of 15 and has been married now for sixty years and change. but she was raised in a different time, a different culture, and was doing hard manual labor on the farm and helping with the housework and raising of siblings from the time she was able to walk. you and your cousin are products of a millennial generation that, as a general rule of thumb, has grown up with cell phone in hand, car keys in pocket, and head in the clouds. a generation that, for the most part, doesn't have a clue what hard work really is, and would exercise their free choice to snub their nose at it if they ran across it. i'm not saying YOU are that way, but you've grown up in a culture where that is the mindset. and unfortunately, that cultural mindset only reinforces a lack of relational skills. technologically your generation is FAR more advanced than mine can ever be, but it has the unintended affect of having stunted emotional growth. most people don't know how to communicate well except by text message. people get hired and fired by text, couples fall in love by text and break up by text. i'm sure you'll probably jump to your (and her) defense and insist that both of you are the exceptions to the rule, but the truth of the matter is, you can't live in this society in this day and age without being severely affected by it. and so, i'm glad you're willing to wait. because to pursue a serious relationship at this point would end in heartache for at least one of you. and chances are, she'd be the one hurt the most... because young girls are easily scarred. and because you've got five years more experience and maturity than she does. (and just because emotionally, physically, and psychologically, guys are just stronger than girls are)
  16. 1 point
    ditto what serendipity said! if you must (and i know you probably do), gather up your courage and tell him flat out that you were very upset by the fact that he never bothered to inform you that you and he were not monogamous. he put you at an enormous risk for any number of sexually transmitted diseases. that was irresponsible and unacceptable. and then one of the women he was sleeping with had a child with him and he kept that a secret too. and just for the record, i'd be willing to bet there are other women he was also carrying on an affair with. he's been using you. i imagine you're quite refreshing... you get nervous around him, which is very appealing to a guy who is probably used to demanding, mouthy women. you might need to practice getting mad at him before you tell him what you think. that nervousness he's familiar with will be his open invitation to manipulate you with a little sweet talk and lovemaking. you're an easy mark for him. it has already cost you your dignity and your pride... it COULD have cost you your life. you deserve better. and he doesn't deserve you at all. don't let him win this one. you need to kick him to the curb. there are far better men out there. and with all that said, i really wish i could just reach through the monitor and give you a big cyber-hug and tell you it will all work out if you stay strong!
  17. 1 point
    you're telling the founding member and administrator to pinch himself and go away? LOL, maybe that's what you should do, allison. he's right. you're delusional. that's the reality. what on EARTH made you think we'd be like-minded people? do you think all people who love a cousin must therefore be polygamous? newsflash... bigamy is still illegal all across this country. he can't marry you. not legally. so if marriage is what you want, you can't proceed. if you want like-minded people, go find a polyamory site. if you want honest, realistic advice that is based on WISDOM (that pesky little thing you have mistaken for judgmentalism), stick around. but what you appear to really want is for others to say it's a free world, and love is free, sex is free, and whatever you want to do is a-ok. well listen up cupcake, we're not in the business of handing out participation trophies. we're here to help people who WANT help. we aren't a group that is politically correct. we're a group that is just correct. period.
  18. 1 point
    Lady C gave you some good advice. I was once in a relationship where the sex was shabam and for a while I mistook that intensity for love and commitment. Believe me, commitment and great sex are not one in the same. Stop romanticizing the relationship. You need a lot more to build on than good sex and a caring look in his eyes
  19. 1 point
    I married a first cousin, so people's reactions were worse than what you experienced. I can understand how the experience has caused you to rethink your relationship of 15 years. I can assure you that it will go away. Most people in history married a 1st or 2nd cousin, so you are not exactly alone in your decision to marry a cousin! It seems to me that 2nd cousins are so distant that one can't even ridicule you Lighten up. Sometimes, you just have to allow others revel in their abject ignorance. You can't take it to heart. One relative , before we married, stated that I should be "found in a ditch somewhere." I've heard the same jokes and the seen the same reaction from Neanderthals. My cuz and I went through hell. We were young and the drama was at a fever pitch. All of this just made us stronger. I'm sure that will be the case with you guys as well.
  20. 1 point
    I have been with my first cousin for 33 years and we are still very much in love, there is a bond between us that can never be broken. No matter what anyone has ever said or whispered about us we don't care, God has put us together and we have a very happy and rewarding life. Love knows no bounds! Eric
  21. 1 point
    If you want to find individuals with like-minded ideas, I hate to break it to you but Woodstock is over my dear. I think your plan is wayyy too far out, even for them. If you want to ruin your life and your reputation, well-sir-re-bob!! Who am I to judge? Some free advice: if you do not want answers to your questions, do not ask the question. If your cousin had an ounce of respect for you or himself, he would divorce his wife and peruse you. Now what does that tell you? Oh, it's not my job to pat you on the back and tell you all of your plans sound great! They are not! Wake up and smell the coffee. I could not dream up a plan any worse. I want to pinch myself to see if this message will just go away!
  22. 1 point
    Wow Allison, it is not often that I am speechless, but this comes close. If this is part of some religious thinking on your cousin's part, just run like hell. You do not need to join a religious cult. Five years from now, he may have 10 wives. So, how many more will he want? If he is part of the runaway Mormon sector, just run. If he won't share a large White Russian with you, just so no! I'm not sure what conventionally religious means. If you marry this man, you will not be conventionally anything. If you don't need friends or family in your life, I guess this is the way to go. I hate to be negative, but this is how it will be Allison. Is this really what you want?
  23. 1 point
    so you are second cousins, right? i think i remember that from our correspondence. i know it's hard for a girl to go against her dad's wishes. and especially growing up as a preacher's kid, she's got that whole life long teaching of "respecting your elder" wrapped up with "dad's got a personal line to God" thing to overcome. i am a christian. i do disagree with your assessment that most preachers never touch the OT... i think the vast majority do, although some denominations are NT-only. i've never been to one of those churches. and i've never been to a church that didn't spend just as much time on the OT studies as the New. all that is beside the point though, and the point is that preachers are human, and they're just as guilty as the rest of us of having social prejudices or misconceptions that can be very, very difficult to break. there isn't a "cousin marriage 101" class in seminary. sure, they've all studied leviticus, but most simply have never known anyone who married a cousin so when they study the list of forbidden relationships, the fact that cousins are not included in the off-limits list doesn't even sink in. and once they do meet someone who is in love with a cousin, they have the automatic knee-jerk reaction that most of society has... especially if that person happens to be their daughter. sadly, the fact that she's not even your first cousin seems lost on him. as second cousins there is not even a scripture that could be twisted out of context! it sounds as though your mother and hers though, as well as your dad, are a little more level-headed on the issue though, and that's a good thing. maybe angel's mother can get through to her dad at some point. until then though, you may have to have a lot of patience. she's still young. obeying and honoring her father is deeply ingrained in her. and that's ok, it's biblical... but so is joining with a husband and leaving the rule of your father.
  24. 1 point
    So glad for you. Can't wait for my own cousin to accept her feelings permanently. She goes off and on about her love for me but that's only because the social stigma. Y'all gave me hope.
  25. 1 point
    Glory! No more guests! They can read the board but not participate. There is now some kind of express registration process. I haven't had time to check out all of the new features yet. I also disabled attachments for my own safety. Who knows when a perv will upload some sickening garbage. I would hate to be responsible for it. Actually I do not know what's what. I need to create a regular member's account and check it out. As an admin, I can do anything.
  26. 1 point
    Wise owls because they were chosen for their wisdom in the first place!
  27. 1 point
    Its really nice to see someone having cases like mine actually succeeded in marriage with their cousin. Unlike here at the Philippines where cousin marriage is still forbidden, and if we try to get married on other countries, once we go back here it will be nullified, plus immigration costs will be so much pain for us. But then I realized, it's God not the papers, We trusts God that he will shower us the blessings of victory, we're putting all our faith to him, Please pray for our success. Thank you hehe, from here now on, we're claiming our VIctory!
  28. 1 point
    Do you ever get over the feeling of being "in love"? Yes; I had girlfriends I thought I was "in love" with but that faded away completely. Do you ever get over truly loving someone? I doubt it; at least I sure haven't, and it's been 50 years (We're both nearly 70). I keep thinking I'm over her, then I see her (weddings and funerals); I visit her Dad (my uncle) in the nursing home, and once again I'm "a goner." Almost everything I've ever accomplished in my career was done in an effort to show her that I was worthy of her, even though it never worked. (When in my 40s I took the first, and maybe only, step in healing:acknowledging that I didn't have to prove anything to her, but only to myself.) Sometimes when we talk she still seems to genuinely care about/for me; but other times she's like a stranger. I send her a birthday card every year; sometimes she sends one to me but other times not. It kills me. An English poet named Thomas Carew said, "True love can never change his seat, / Nor did he ever love, that could retreat." I think he was spot on. My cousin and I have been married to other people since our college days, but my love for my cousin has never wavered. Do I think this is ideal? No; far from it. It would have been so much easier just to move on. I've tried SO hard, and repeatedly, and yet I end up in the same place, depressed and lonely in spite of a wife, children, grandchildren, and friends.