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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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  1. 4 points
    wow. ok, first let me ask that (for the sake of those trying to read your post) you go in and add a few more periods here and there. it's not terribly difficult to read, but some of us wise old owls stumble a bit with run-on sentences i'm glad you and your boyfriend haven't had sex. think about this for a sec... in the beginning you probably felt that he was the love of your life. but less than a year later, the two of you are drifting apart. (not to mention that he's a 'bad boy', which probably was part of what drew you to him in the first place... no, i'm not criticizing... it's totally normal! i don't know why but it seems to be natural instinct for us women to be attracted to the bad-boy-persona.) he cheated on you multiple times, he's got some sort of criminal background since he's on probation, you don't get to see him much, and now you're falling for someone new. aren't you glad you didn't give such a precious part of yourself away to someone who was just temporary in your life? now, what to do about him. girl, i know it's hard, but you need to let him know that you don't want to be with him anymore. it won't be the end of his world. in less than a year, you know of three times he's cheated. he's probably STILL cheating, especially since you don't see him often these days. out of sight, out of mind. but you do need to be fair and let him know that you are moving on. as for your cousin, please take things slow. you have a lifetime ahead of you. if you two are right for each other, then taking it slow will make the relationship much stronger than if you jump in too soon. plus, you're still living at home... and taking it slow will also be to your benefit when you (someday) tell your mother. the longer you two have been together the far more likely she'll take it seriously and not freak out.
  2. 1 point
    Hi! I am now in a 4 months relationship with my second cousin. Here’s our story.. He is 22 and I am 23. Actually, matagal na pong may something samin, i forgot na kung ilan taon kami nun pero elementary days pa lang kilala na namin yung isa’t isa so ayun parang mutual feelings na din crush ko siya nun tapos crush niya din ako pero di ko pa alam nun na magpinsan kami since tiga province siya at tiga manila ako, umuuwi lang kami pag bakasyon ganun. Every year kami ako nagbabakasyon edi every year ko din siya nagkikita then na open ko sa mga pinsan ko na close na crush ko siya tapos sabi nga nila kamag anak daw namin sila na second cousin nga daw. Edi ayun medyo gets ko na parang hindi pwede. Pero ewan ko ba... dumating yung time na high school days na at nauso ang phone nagkatext kami tapos ayun inopen niya yung feelings niya pero ako naman di ko sineseryoso kasi alam ko nun bawal.. Kaso talagang ewan ko ba bakit di ko mapigilan haha ang pasaway ko hindi naman naging kami NOON pero parang M.U. Kami sweet kami, nagkikita kami patago kasabwat ng mga pinsan ko kasi alam nila tapos ang bait niya kasi sakin para siyang best friend ko na din na one call a way lang andyan na kaya lalo ako nainlove sa kanya kaso nandun pa din yun takot na hindi kami pwede at baka mapagalitan kami kaya dumating na din yung point na iniwasan ko siya at di ko na tinext. Ang damng beses ko na siyang iniwasan pero nagkaka usap pa din kami. Year 2012 nagka boyfriend na ako.. at siya din nagka gf na din. Pero kahit may bf ako at gf siya may mga times pa din na naguusap kami pero madalang at kamustahan na lang pero minsa di maiwasan ma open nanaman yung tungkol samin. Pero syempre di namin pinilit kasi may mga sarili kaming relasyon. Basta alam ko na nandun pa din siya para sa akin kahit minsan na lang kami mag usap. Pinapayuhan niya ako at pag kailangan ko siya isang tawag lang nandyan agad. Di pa din siya nagbabago, ang lakas ko pa din sa kanya. Parang kahit nag ka bf ako di siya nawala sa puso at isip ko ewan ko kung bakit. Alam ng EX BF ko at nung mga taong malalapit sakin na kung hindi ko SECOND COUSIN yun. Siya ang pipillin at siya talaga gusto ko. Hanggang sa dumating na din yung point na nag break kami ng EX BF last december 2016. Alam na! Haha minahal ko naman yung ex ko na yun at seryoso ako kaso napaka sinungaling niya at katulad ng ibang relasyon nagkasawaan parang nagtatagal na lang kami kasi nanghihinayang kami magbreak at ilan beses ko na din siyang nahuling may something so ayun break na syempre move on na. Then ayun since magkausap kami ni second cousin parang kino comfort niya ako nun pero wala na siyang gf nun matagal na din silang break. Hanggang sa na open again yung feelings niya sabi niya liligawan niya ako at gusto niya maging kami at ipaglaban na daw namin this time yung amin... so parang ako din gusto ko na din kasi gusto ko talaga siya at mahal ko siya matagal na kaya sinagot ko na siya. Masaya ako ngayon masayang masaya pero minsan may doubt din na kung ano pwedeng mangyari sa future. Baka di kami tanggapin or itakwil. Ang hirap kalabanin ng familly. Pero I made a research na okay naman na magpakasal dito at legal naman kaso syempre ang mapanghusgang society pero wala akong pake sa sasabhin ng iba ang iniisip ko yung pamilya ko. Yung masasabi nila. Sana hindi. Lagi ko pinagdadasal na sana matanggap at maintindihan nila kasi mahal ko na talaga to. Meron din bang may ganitong sitwasyon and ano masasabi niyo or payo? Salamat po.
  3. 1 point
    Hi!!! Finally found this forum! Haayy same here I am in a relationship with my cousin for 4 months now.
  4. 1 point
    Girls change all the time dude. When she said she will consider it, it was already LAST YEAR! Dude, even milk has "best before dates"... what she said last year has already been expired dude...so now she thinks it is weird..which is what she really feels about you. Soooo yeah. I suggest you move on, my friend. 😊 Pooch
  5. 1 point
    I second the motion, Miss LadyC. Take it slow! Pooch
  6. 1 point
  7. 1 point
    On my wife's birthday, we went to a nice restaurant. I'm officially a non drinker, but this was her birthday so we were both drinking a little bit. Two women and a guy was sitting beside of us at the bar. I was challenging them to a game of pool. I was talking $ hit to them all in good fun. My wife told the women that they looked alike and asked if were they sisters. They replied "No we are friends." Then they decided "hey you two look alike -- are you brother and sister?" My wife replied, "No! We are husband and wife!" Then I retorted, "She is my cousin!" We all laughed like crazy.
  8. 1 point
    Sober up and put your head in the toilet. Run around the house nakkid with your hair still wet 10 times. Call home and tell your momma that is going on in your mind.
  9. 1 point
    Hi RRj, I can relate to everything you are saying. Everything will be OK, you are just going through a phase. I'm sorry that you are questioning your relationship because of your distant kinship. There is no need for it. It will go away. You are being silly. Hang in there. I married my 1st cousin. We just spent two years apart after 20 years of marriage. Wow that was tough, but I found out that I could be happy being single...after the first year. My mind was scrambled for the first year, like a TV on channel 3. We are back together again now. We have made fresh commitments to each other and hope to start another 20 year chapter. You have no idea how much hurt we are working through. But we are committed to fulfill the vows we made before God and will give it another go. Nobody said it would be easy, right? Things are not great yet. I am in a new city trying to find us a better place to live. I just had my first job interview today. Hmmm. I will say one thing that is amazing. Hey, I was indeed happy being alone but after being back with my wife for two months, I feel like I have my zen back. I can't explain it but it is a sweet feeling of peace that makes me smile for no reason. And when I do, the heavens open up and I can hear the angels singing. I didn't have that when I was alone. As LadyC pointed out, marriages take a commitment to each other and to God. You can't make it alone. Look at the stats. I am a Christian and only went back to my wife because I felt led to. It's as inexplicable as the peace I am feeling -- the Zen! Zen isn't a Christian term I know... but maybe we should adopt it. This Christian has Zen! I'm praying for you and wish you the best. You guys are so distantly related that it is silly to worry about it. Do not let it play in your mind like a broken record. Play some Rolling Stones I'm not proofreading or correcting anything......
  10. 1 point
    rrj, i'm so sorry you're having marital problems! YES! it is normal. this isn't because you two are related, it's because when two people commit their lives together, they will hit highs and lows. it happens! i'm also married to my first cousin once removed... have been since '99, so we're coming up on our 19th wedding anniversary on new year's day. we had a great first year of marriage... and then we hit a rough patch that just kept getting rougher for about ten years. seriously, there were times i just wanted to call it quits. it was a dark, dark time in my life. but i stayed because i had made a vow to stay with him through better or worse, and i took this one a little more seriously than i'd taken my first marriage. i didn't want to be divorced again. i didn't want to be single again. but boy, there were so many times when i questioned God as to why i had to stay married. i don't know if you believe in God or not, but He is the only thing that saved my marriage. it was really hard to put my trust in God to restore our relationship, because i was so full of anger and bitterness and pain. and my husband had so many issues that needed changing. i guess it took so long because i really thought all the changes needed to be on his end, and thought God was doing a crappy job of changing him. it took so long for me to realize i needed to just get out of God's way and quit trying to do His job of fixing my husband. and then i had to also trust Him to fix my husband no matter how those changes affected my life. that was the hardest thing of all. but once i finally got to that point, things changed pretty quickly. i know that sounds preachy, but that's my experience. and i can promise you things were quite bad before those changes. he was so disrespectful to me for so long, and would allow his friends to disrespect me. i just wanted him to stand up for me once in a while, but instead, he'd get mad when i'd finally stand up for myself. i even asked him once if he still loved me. his answer broke my heart... because he said no. but my commitment to honor the vow i made to both him and God when we married kept me there. it was hard. but God turned things around. really! and we have the marriage i always dreamed about now. i have a husband who loves and respects me, who stands up for me, who is my best friend! we do everything together. i can't picture my life without him. listen, i don't think i've ever met a couple who didn't have some troubled times in their marriage when they felt that the love was fading. that's just so normal. the honeymoon gives way to contentment... the contentment gives way to complacency... complacency leads to boredom and to stress, and then heads start turning. your head... his head... thoughts start wandering. kids start demanding attention, screaming, fighting... and if one or the other in the marriage didn't want to run away once in a while, that would be highly unusual. quit allowing the kinship to factor into your stress. there is absolutely nothing wrong with having married your first cousin once removed. there's nothing wrong with your children. there's only something wrong in the pea-brains of society that think everything is ok except cousin marriage. when you and your husband get some of these issues worked through and you feel confident in your marriage again, you need to make sure your children know (if you haven't told them already) about their family tree. they need to understand it from a very young age so that they never feel ashamed. and it's always the ones who were not told that feel ashamed when they find out. when that time comes, the old beatrix potter classic called the tale of the flopsy bunnies is always my first suggestion to introduce the subject. did you know benjamin bunny and flopsy were first cousins? yeah, who knew! but it says so right on the first page. it's a great way to get young children comfortable with the fact that their mommy and daddy are also cousins. as for what others might say, don't even let yourself go there. people are going to talk, whether you stay together or divorce. they're already talking. heck, they've been talking since the day you two started dating. just like they'd be talking if you'd married someone totally unrelated and were going through difficulties. people are natural born gossips. so accept that it's going to happen and stay above it all. ignore what you can, and refuse to associate with those who dare to criticize you (OR your husband) to your face. anyone who has anything negative to say about your marriage needs to be told to keep their opinions to themselves. but that also means you need to make sure you're not complaining to them about him, also. and that's hard, because everybody needs a sounding board! let US be your sounding board. because we're not going to take sides. we're going to be here to encourage you... as long as he's not being abusive to you or the kids, in which case we'd be having a whole different conversation. you can do this. if you're willing to give it a shot, the love you think you've lost for your husband can be rekindled. there's a famous actor, i really can't remember who for sure but i think it was mel gibson, or maybe patrick swayze, who once answered a question about the secret of a successful marriage in an interview. he said most people throw in the towel when the mountain seems too hard to climb anymore... but for those that stick it out and reach the top, they have the best view in the world... and that marriage from that point forward just gets sweeter and sweeter. i have climbed that mountain, and i can honestly say that was the most true thing i ever heard come out of hollywood.
  11. 1 point
    good idea. i went in and edited the title for him.
  12. 1 point
    Walk away. Run away. Don't come near her. Don't be alone with her. Don't call or text or chat on social media. Block her phone number. Delete her phone number. Unfriend her on FB. Snapchat, and Twitter. Be mature and just don't.
  13. 1 point
    Hmm. Well, I'm sure mine is buried in these pages somewhere but I'm too lazy to go look for it. Here are the highlights: We've known one another most of our lives but grew up in separate states. I developed a bit of a small crush on her when we were young teens but our "romantic" relationship happened quite accidentally when we were young adults (18 and 20). The vast majority of our family was absolutely opposed. A few came around quickly, a few took some time, and some are no longer in our lives. Not the outcome we'd hoped for but we learned we can't (and shouldn't try to) control other people's decisions any more than we should be beholden to their's. We've been married over 20 years. We have two kids, both absolutely amazing, beautiful, brilliant, and in perfect health; both graduated high school with honors and both are currently on the Dean's List at a major private university where they attend with the help of some academic scholarships (I guess that takes care of the "feeble minded" myth of the Eugenics movement). Hope this helps! Best wishes, CM
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