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  1. 3 points
    ok, you asked me to read this, and i have. and there are a couple of things here... first off, the cultural perceptions may have a lot to do with this. you're in different countries, but you give any clues as to where. if it's anywhere in western civilization, the cultural perceptions are going to be the same... doesn't matter if you're talking about australia or canada or europe or america, it's the same. but there are some cultures in the middle east that have much more positive views of cousin marriage, and then there are asian cultures that have a very dim view of cousins. if she's from an asian culture, you're unlikely to ever convince her. what exactly is it that she thinks is wrong about it? is it a genetic concern? a moral/biblical concern? or is it just the "what others will say" kind of thing? it might be that the only way to convince her is to enlist the aid of someone in the family to the case in favor of the two of you. i know, nobody knows. but you said you think many family members suspect but are not saying anything to avoid a mess. let me tell ya something. if you think they suspect, then they KNOW. and if they're not saying anything about it, it is NOT to avoid a mess. they're just respecting your privacy. seriously, people who suspect things like this and disapprove aren't going to give a second's thought to how messy it will get if THEY confront you. they're going to be in way too big a rush to get all in your face to tell you what a mess YOU are making. that's just human nature. so you need to go to one of those who suspect that you trust and admire, and that you know SHE will trust, and tell them what's going on. because it sounds to me like the only "wrong" your cousin is seeing is through what she thinks is the eyes of people she's afraid to lose. and if she can get the assurance that they aren't going to judge her, then maybe she'll start to see your relationship as right.
  2. 3 points
    Ouch, that is even painful to read. Now I can begin to see the real problems. The porn is your demon to fight; we all have them. Never trust a man who claims to be above humanity. I suggest that you set up your WiFi router to use opendns. You can set it up to block the porn websites. If that doesn't work, take your computer to the landfill or a Goodwill store You must quit living the way you are. First, you have to figure out what you want in life. Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with? If you want to stay with your cousin, you have to break the news to your family and let the cards fall where they may. If you can't do that then you should leave her. After 20 years you owe her that much.
  3. 2 points
    I am a 41 year old mother of 4. I just joined today. I have been in a relationship, with my first cousin, for 3 years. We have a beautiful 18 month old daughter. We are soulmates. It wasn’t always this way. Our mothers are half sisters and extremely close. We were together for summers and holidays, as children. We would spend the night with each other but never had crushes or anything. We were 5 years apart, in age. (Mikel is a genius and was over my head. So even though I was 5 years older, he was definitely smarter. ) We last saw each other when I was 16 and he was 11. I moved with my father and never saw him again. I got married at 19 , had a daughter at 21 , another at 26, then had a son at 33. My marriage went down the pipes and at 38 I found my true spouse where I least expected. I actually grew up hearing horrible things about people marrying their cousins. I heard that your children would be mentally challenged or physically grotesque. Our child is beautiful, highly intelligent, Perfect and healthy. We don’t usually tell people that we are cousins. It’s not like we’re hiding it, our entire family knows. It’s just not how we introduce ourselves. No matter what, we are husband and wife. I do feel like strangers will judge us. Mikel’s idiot brother makes horrible comments about us and our child. It definitely shows how uneducated people can be and just how nasty. It will never change the fact that we belong together. Even though i was married before, I had this feeling that there was someone out there, made just for me. I felt like my life was running out and I would never find that person. I still can’t believe it was him all along. It seems so funny to me. If someone had told me this, I would have told them that they were insane. I guess true love really is where you least expect it.😊❤️
  4. 2 points
    Lol! SOME of it is my wry sense of humor. That is my story...
  5. 2 points
    ken, just be glad nobody is asking you how hot she must be in bed. (and yes, that has actually been an issue on the past!)🙄
  6. 1 point
    Yes! Exactly. I love it! Jordan, I like to ask: If she does not want to get married, then why are you too concerned about it? I asked it because I translate what she said to I don't want to get married now. She admits that you have done nothing to her but love her. You have been good to her; hence, she got no reason in breaking up with you. You know what you should do? Ignore this thing with her. Just love her and do what you are doing. You don't need to convince your girlfriend, man... She's gonna be fine. lol And besides, I feel like you aren't ready to be married anyways -- even though you said that both of you guys are adults. I take that you guys are at most in your early 20s, am I right? So I mean, what's the rush!? Anyhow, good thing that you explained yourself in your post because everytime I see this My immediate theory is that she is seeing somebody else! And that she kinda want to have a safe landing before jumping ships... But having said that, and I felt that I don't think there's any third party involved here, can you confirm nonetheless that there aren't any? You see, for cousin relationships, one of the toughest of it is its normality. If your girlfriend finds that seeing other guys are more acceptable in her family and whatnot, and the other guy is equally or greater than you are, then you are in a host of trouble. I don't sense this in your post, though... but it will be good if you can confirm. TY. Pooch
  7. 1 point
    Yes Ladyc! That is exactly what's happening. It's poor writing, and i wonder if the director is on lsd. The overriding homosexual theme is a deal breaker for me. A big $&@##@ goes out to Netflix! That is how I feel after watching the rest of the season. Netflix turned a great series into the "Arrested Queens."
  8. 1 point
    i won't tell anybody anything different LOL.
  9. 1 point
    wow. i don't usually find myself quoting pooch in agreement, but i have to say this is good advice. part of the problem with porn addiction, like with any addiction, is that its power diminishes when its exposed. but it's also easy to shove it back into the dark corners of the closet even after exposing it. so it's really important to keep it on the table, so to speak.
  10. 1 point
    ahem... cough.. sputter... cough again... you ARE a smartass!
  11. 1 point
    A wedding is a time for celebration. If someone isn't supportive of your relationship, don't invite them to the wedding! I married my 1st cousin two years ago. It was a very simple ceremony with only approving family members and friends there. Actually, the friends didn't know about our cousin factor because I didn't feel it was important to divulge that information. If you're worried about what others will think then you're not ready to be married. I was proud and giddy to marry the love of my life.
  12. 1 point
    @pooch I wonder about childhood friends too. I have read that best friends have been looked at genetically and are typically found to be more similar genetically than random pairing. Most of these studies support positive assortative mating. Does the same mechanism cause us to find a woman 'hot'? I bet it is! I'm not certain if that has ever been studied precisely. I would like to do that study. It might teach us something profound about ourselves. It looks like @JackQ is oddly somewhere in the middle, being pulled in different directions. I can see how this would be terribly confusing.
  13. 1 point
    @pooch yeah! studies have suggested exactly what you are saying. When we grow up together, a built-in mechanism usually stops us from becoming romantically involved.
  14. 1 point
    Exactly! Who will chase after an ugly one!? 😄 Whether cousin or not, we chase after the pretty ones, eh? The Miss Universe ones or whatever. lol. Hooowwweeevvveerrr,, you know what though? I think the attraction happens when you guys did not grow up together. Hence, you might be incorrect KC that he will find her cute in that kind of a way generally speaking. Remember he said, The cuteness happens generally speaking when the narrative is like you guys know one another but lost in touch for 20 years or whatever...then for some reason facebook or a reunion brought you guys together,...then something clicked. Generally speaking, there is some sort of repulsion romantically to the ones we grew up together with. Pooch
  15. 1 point
    Thanks! I never knew a person could be happy like this. I thought relationships this great were only in movies.
  16. 1 point
    truth lives here. ken, there's no shame in saying 'yeah, i think she's cute, but it's a whole lot deeper than that' . it doesn't matter if she has a physically prettier sister, because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. have you ever watched nature shoes where exotic birds do all sorts of preening and dancing to attract a mate? it is nature as God intended it for His creation to find their mates attractive. however, your cousin isn't your mate. and i continually pray that you''ll renew your desire to honor your heavenly Father by honoring your marriage vows, even in your heart. (you're probably regretting opening that door by mentioning your favorite concerts to attend.)
  17. 1 point
    then please, please get counseling. and you might look into some 12 step support groups that deal with sexual addictions. porn alters the way your brain connects things, and it's difficult to overcome. you need all the support you can get.
  18. 1 point
    Of course it's not just about looks. But for guys, it's the first thing that is in consideration. Am I right? A guy won't be like, "Oh man, she is an awesome nuclear physicist!" Uhhh.. Nope. He will be like, "Nice curves! Or I like her smile or I like her eyes". These are the things that guys notices right away -- the outward things, the looks, the physical stuff... We are visual creatures and the natural law. When I first met my cousin, I like her smile a lot! That is outward. Now some guys get stuck on this... fortunately some doesn't. But point is: we cannot skip this part...because it is necessary. There's more to this one for sure because it is different when you say, "it is not always just about looks" from "it is absolutely not about looks" for the way you describe her, she's gaining weight, has freckles and so on and so forth...there's a counterbalance of it, you know what I'm saying? There has to be an attraction outwardly then the more you know the person, the more it develops...the more you notices that there are things within her that are pleasing and things of that sort. But we can get into that one as the conversation unfolds.. Pooch
  19. 1 point
    jack, what is it you're dreaming of if you only view her as a sister-like cousin? i think you're working hard to convince yourself that you don't have a thing for her because you have this misguided idea that it's a sin and you're going to burn in hell for it. but it's NOT a sin. God was ordaining cousin marriages throughout the Bible. maybe you should drop a lighthearted "if you weren't my cousin" kind of comment, or "i wish i could find a girl like you" comment and see how she responds. you never know. she may be thinking the same way you're thinking.
  20. 1 point
    Ken, relax man. Maybe I should give that line up! I made the remark on the assumption that nobody chases after an ugly cousin. On second thought, it probably wasn't appropriate.
  21. 1 point
    it's an addiction ken... and sexual addictions can be as crippling as heroin. you're right though. NO woman deserves to be cheated on, and there really isn't any way of justifying infidelity. it takes a lot of commitment to become a faithful husband worthy of the woman he's married to. i'm not trying to discriminate. it takes a lot of commitment for an unfaithful wife to become worthy of her husband also. there is no difference between his kind of infidelity and anyone else's. a cheater is a cheater. they just have different things in their lives they have to learn (or become willing) to change. melancholic recognizes he needs to make some changes. he just doesn't know how to start.
  22. 1 point
    we didn't invite anybody. we had a simple wedding in my living room with only my parents there. it would have been different had it not been my 2nd wedding and his third though.
  23. 1 point
    This is a great opportunity to inform a lot of people. Staying in the shadows of society will not affect change. We have to stand up and be counted; otherwise, the taboo will thrive.
  24. 1 point
    Yes, it could be a risk to show her this site. Do you spend a lot of time together?
  25. 1 point
    Hmm. Well, I'm sure mine is buried in these pages somewhere but I'm too lazy to go look for it. Here are the highlights: We've known one another most of our lives but grew up in separate states. I developed a bit of a small crush on her when we were young teens but our "romantic" relationship happened quite accidentally when we were young adults (18 and 20). The vast majority of our family was absolutely opposed. A few came around quickly, a few took some time, and some are no longer in our lives. Not the outcome we'd hoped for but we learned we can't (and shouldn't try to) control other people's decisions any more than we should be beholden to their's. We've been married over 20 years. We have two kids, both absolutely amazing, beautiful, brilliant, and in perfect health; both graduated high school with honors and both are currently on the Dean's List at a major private university where they attend with the help of some academic scholarships (I guess that takes care of the "feeble minded" myth of the Eugenics movement). Hope this helps! Best wishes, CM
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