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  1. 6 points
    This is a post I've been meaning to write for a while, because I see so many people struggling with their feelings, and with how the world will/is responding. And I too struggled for years, and thought the idea of being with my cousin was impossible, and thought that if we were together, if by some chance he felt about me the way I felt about him, things would be impossibly hard. We've been married for about two months now. At the very least, members of our family(ies) accept us, and some of them are very happy we're together. Our friends all know and accept us. We are very lucky, and our world is not going to be what everyone gets, but I've learned that there are some advantages to cousin relationships that most relationships don't have, and I want to share that, because I think a lot of you don't know that, and are scared and confused, and I want you to know that not only are cousin relationships NOT impossible, but there are some things that make them special. So, for one thing. If/when your family accepts your relationship, here's a big plus: you are both invested in the same people. When our mutual grandmother (she just turned 87 and lives by herself) needs help, we are both right there to do everything we can. If one of us is more available than the other, that person spends the night at her house. If she's not feeding herself right, we both remind her of that, and if one of us decides to buy her nutritional supplements out of our grocery fund, the other one is happy about that. This is our family. We take care of them, and we both know why, and we both agree on that. Related, if there is a disagreement in the family, we send in the one of us who is best positioned to handle it. So, my husband/cousin's mother's husband (no relation to either of us) emailed the family saying he thought we should all come together and force our grandmother (again, no relation of his) into assisted living. And we talked about how to respond, and in that case my husband/cousin handled it beautifully. And I'm the one who calls our grandmother at least once a week, and tells her we both love her, and checks in on how she's doing, because I'm better on the phone. All of the above is about family, which is really important. But the personal is even more important. My husband/cousin and I saw each other a couple of times a year when we were kids. We didn't see each other for about ten years from adolescence to adulthood. After that, we saw each other again about twice a year, until I moved close to him and things got complicated. But at that point, I already knew him. I'd known him my whole life. We always talked freely about our relationships to each other. I watched him be a father to another woman's three girls, who weren't his, until she made it impossible for him. I knew what he would be like in a relationship before I was ever with him. I knew his strengths, and his flaws, just as he knew mine. And I knew that his strengths were exactly what I needed, and I knew that I complimented his flaws. I walked into this relationship knowing exactly what I was walking into, and loving him for who he is. To me, that's the most powerful potential about a cousin relationship. That you can know the other person, so well, on other terms, before you become romantically involved or commit to them. That's not something most people get to have. Anyone who reads this and is struck by it, or anyone who is struggling with the possibility of a cousin relationship, please feel free to respond here, or to message me directly. And for those of you who are in happy cousin relationships: anything to add?
  2. 4 points
    I have been with my first cousin for 33 years and we are still very much in love, there is a bond between us that can never be broken. No matter what anyone has ever said or whispered about us we don't care, God has put us together and we have a very happy and rewarding life. Love knows no bounds! Eric
  3. 4 points
    wow. ok, first let me ask that (for the sake of those trying to read your post) you go in and add a few more periods here and there. it's not terribly difficult to read, but some of us wise old owls stumble a bit with run-on sentences i'm glad you and your boyfriend haven't had sex. think about this for a sec... in the beginning you probably felt that he was the love of your life. but less than a year later, the two of you are drifting apart. (not to mention that he's a 'bad boy', which probably was part of what drew you to him in the first place... no, i'm not criticizing... it's totally normal! i don't know why but it seems to be natural instinct for us women to be attracted to the bad-boy-persona.) he cheated on you multiple times, he's got some sort of criminal background since he's on probation, you don't get to see him much, and now you're falling for someone new. aren't you glad you didn't give such a precious part of yourself away to someone who was just temporary in your life? now, what to do about him. girl, i know it's hard, but you need to let him know that you don't want to be with him anymore. it won't be the end of his world. in less than a year, you know of three times he's cheated. he's probably STILL cheating, especially since you don't see him often these days. out of sight, out of mind. but you do need to be fair and let him know that you are moving on. as for your cousin, please take things slow. you have a lifetime ahead of you. if you two are right for each other, then taking it slow will make the relationship much stronger than if you jump in too soon. plus, you're still living at home... and taking it slow will also be to your benefit when you (someday) tell your mother. the longer you two have been together the far more likely she'll take it seriously and not freak out.
  4. 3 points
    you don't. he either feels the same or he doesn't. you don't say if he is also gay or not. but i have to tell ya, fast heartbeat and sweaty does not mean "love". it means lust. there is a huge difference between the two.
  5. 3 points
    Fourth Cousin? I don't even KNOW any of my fourth cousins!! There is NO prohibition against fourth cousins that I've ever heard of. You are being abused by a bunch of bullies. Don't let them control your lives. I'd tell them to take a long walk off a short pier and mind their own business. I recommend a book that helps you deal positively with bullies: NASTY PEOPLE: HOW TO STOP BEING HURT BY THEM WITHOUT STOOPING TO THEIR LEVEL by Dr. Jay Carter. Welcome to our group. We are here to give you support and encourage you. HUGS Nat
  6. 3 points
    This whole thing is creepy. Either make a move or don't. So, she hasn't returned any of your advances and is ignoring your texts. Do you really need someone to tell you that she's not interested? And in the future, try to be more of a gentleman. You may find women more receptive to you if you do.
  7. 3 points
    Hmm. Well, I'm sure mine is buried in these pages somewhere but I'm too lazy to go look for it. Here are the highlights: We've known one another most of our lives but grew up in separate states. I developed a bit of a small crush on her when we were young teens but our "romantic" relationship happened quite accidentally when we were young adults (18 and 20). The vast majority of our family was absolutely opposed. A few came around quickly, a few took some time, and some are no longer in our lives. Not the outcome we'd hoped for but we learned we can't (and shouldn't try to) control other people's decisions any more than we should be beholden to their's. We've been married over 20 years. We have two kids, both absolutely amazing, beautiful, brilliant, and in perfect health; both graduated high school with honors and both are currently on the Dean's List at a major private university where they attend with the help of some academic scholarships (I guess that takes care of the "feeble minded" myth of the Eugenics movement). Hope this helps! Best wishes, CM
  8. 2 points
    i drafted this years ago for others to use... edit it as you see fit. i'm stickying it so it doesn't get lost again. Dear Mom, I have something to tell you that is very important to me, but am having a difficult time knowing how to bring the subject up. I decided that writing it in a letter might make it easier. I have fallen in love with the most wonderful person. We share an incredible relationship. We know each other's every thought. We respect each other, understand each other, and give each other unconditional love and support. I have never felt so comfortable in a relationship before. I feel completely at ease with this person, without having to try and pretend to be someone or something which I am not. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this is the person I want to share my life with. Our choice, however, may be seen as somewhat controversial. In fact, even we struggled with our feelings, knowing we would face opposition. You see, the person whom I've fallen in love with is my cousin. But rather than deny ourselves the chance at happiness, we decided to pursue our relationship very slowly, and with a great deal of caution. It is important to me that you know we seriously considered all aspects of a relationship such as ours after doing a great deal of research on the subject. It is also very important to me that you research the issue of cousin marriage also, before you draw any conclusions. What we've discovered in our research is that marriage between two cousins is not nearly as uncommon as people would think. We've also learned that we had preconceived notions about cousin marriage that we have learned from society, but which have no basis of truth. We have learned that cousin marriage is fully supported by the Bible, as well as almost every other world-religion. We've learned that the risk of genetic defects is only very slightly higher than any other couple, and in fact much lower than many other couples based on lifestyle choices. We've also learned that genetic counseling is something to be strongly considered if we decide to expand our family in the future. We've looked into exactly what genetic counseling can and can not do, and are confident that a qualified expert could determine if we are at a higher risk. We've learned that cousin marriage is legal throughout the majority of the world, including much of the United States. We've even discovered that until about 150 years ago, cousin marriages were common, and much more accepted by society than they are today. One of the most important things we have learned is that we are not alone. An average of one out of every 1000 marriages are between two first cousins, and many more relationships occur between cousins that choose not to marry. We are both fully aware that marriage is a serious commitment, and that such commitments are not always easy. A strong marriage takes alot of work. There will always be obstacles to overcome, and we realize that social prejudice is adding one more hurdle for us. But we also believe that those who love us will be supportive of our decision once they, too, have looked into the issue and separated fact from myth. I love you. We both do. Your acceptance and your blessing are very important to us, but are not required. We are both old enough, mature enough and wise enough to know that true love is something to celebrated, never wasted. With or without your support, we intend to pursue this relationship. I will always value your feelings and respect your opinions, but this is a choice that only we can make. I hope that this letter brings you joy and not despair. If you are disappointed, I am asking you to look at a couple of websites which provide an enormous amount of information which is thoroughly researched and documents the sources of the information. Those websites are www.cuddleinternational.org and www.cousincouples.com. All my love,
  9. 2 points
    four years ago was a lifetime in terms of your maturity (and his). the uproar it caused back then may be something that barely gets an eyebrow raised now.
  10. 2 points
    he can't do that. he can tell her he thinks someone is bad news but ultimately, he has to let her make her own decisions... even bad ones. i'm a girl. an old one now, but nonetheless i'm a girl, and i can tell you that any good guy who tries to interfere with a girl's attraction to a bad boy is going to lose the girl completely. besides, if he's in love with the girl there will never be anyone else that he thinks is good enough for her. better to just be there to pick up the pieces.
  11. 2 points
    she is still a child. she can't even legally marry you for at least three years, and in most states four years. so here's what you do. be her friend. do everything you can to make sure that friendship is rock solid... long before you ever even try to kiss her, you focus on being the best friend any girl could have. because if that friendship isn't as solid as a rock, you'll never even get to the proposal stage... and if you did, you'd be making a quick trip to the divorce stage. you encourage her to study hard and set goals. YOU study hard and set goals for yourself so that you will be able to one day have a job that will pay enough to support her and a few children. you want a job that will allow you to help her dreams come true, whether those dreams are to go to college or to raise horses. you treat her with the utmost respect and never betray her trust physically or emotionally. you treat her PARENTS with the utmost respect. if you don't have them on your side, you are setting your future up for probable failure. you live your life for the next four years. and you wait. if you don't have patience now, you're never going to have the patience that it takes to grow old with someone. if she's really worth having, she's worth waiting for. so whatever you do, you leave sex OFF the table for the next several years. you allow her to live her life. in the next several years she is going to date other guys. you keep your mouth shut and let her, even when it seems like a long term thing. she needs to learn what it's like to be in a relationship and how to handle romance. that's how a girl learns what to look for in a man and how to (someday) be a good wife. you live YOUR life. you need to be dating others also. because if you don't learn how to be a good boyfriend before you tell her how you feel, you're going to make a really lousy boyfriend if you ever do get to go out with her... and then you can forget about proposing do not confuse 'dating' with 'screwing'. dating is all about respecting someone. screwing is the lack of respect. remember the 3 Ps of a good romance... Protection, Preparation, and Provision. those three words come with a whole new lesson plan. if you're serious, let me know and i'll teach you what those things mean in a relationship.
  12. 2 points
    first cousin marriage has been illegal in the state of texas since 2005. however, the laws do not extend to first cousins once (or twice) removed. you'll be fine
  13. 2 points
    As someone who waited nearly 30 years to marry my cousin, I'm going to encourage you to go for it. I noticed that your signature is Pilipino. I don't know what the social or legal norms are there concerning cousin marriages/relationships. Barring any legal complications, pursue this relationship in spite of the flack your family may give you. They don't get to decide your path to happiness. They don't have to walk in your shoes everyday. I've learned that my family doesn't truly wish me well due to their cold-shouldered response to my husband. That's their loss. Yes, it's easier to say that to accept - I still cry on occasion over their actions towards me. But ultimately, I am happier with my husband's love than with the conditional requirements of my family.
  14. 2 points
    Sorry Lady C I jinxed the site lol 😜 If you care for her even in the slightest then hit a bar and try your luck there. Cousin relationships are already stigmatized and complicated enough, you shouldn't use anyone for sex especially family!!
  15. 2 points
    I will get back to you on this one very soon. Right now I am elbows deep and preparing a brisket for the smoker. I'm sure others will weigh in if they're available today also
  16. 2 points
    Jack001, quarter here has read my mind. It's an example of what we rednecks call "Uncle's Brother's Sister's Kids and them...." LOL It sounds as though, (unless your uncle's wife is actually a cousin of him and your Dad) that there is NO blood relation, and legally, anywhere in the world, you would be able to pursue this......
  17. 2 points
    hawk is a very wise person. 12 is also too young! ahhh, those nasty hormones. they always interfere with common sense! and haha, of COURSE we know how a 15 year old works! LOL what cracks me up is how 15 year olds (and 25 year olds) always think that us old fogies don't know a darn thing about ______ (fill in the blank with nearly any topic you can think of). dude! we know! we know because we've survived it! and our children have survived it! and in some cases our grandchildren have survived it... although my grandchildren haven't started through that quite yet. one of them will in a year or two though! we also know that kids don't listen to us old farts. it's some crazy human nature that makes us all think that our own generation is the one to invent (or re-invent) the wheel. or to be more on target, to invent sex. LOL yeah, crazy, huh? that's ok, we thought the same thing about our parents generation. when i was your age, my parents were stupid and couldn't possibly understand diddly squat. here's a funny for ya. just because i'm in that kind of mood tonight. my oldest daughter was sneaking out her window and having sex at the age of 13. she eventually grew up and married him (it lasted almost a year before she divorced him). recently i ran into him. he has a 14 year old daughter who is becoming a little boy crazy. this guy was telling me how he wants to stand guard with a shotgun, because she's way too young for that. and my response was.... "SAYS THE GUY...." and then he got embarrassed and ducked his head and said oh yeah. i was that guy, wasn't i? YUP. moral of the story is that we all grow up and suddenly realize just how stupid we were when we were our kids age... and how right our parents were. i don't really have any advice tonight. it's late. my husband (who is my first cousin once removed) has already gone to sleep. i should go lay down next to him and play with games on my cell phone. why did i stay up again? oh yeah, because he's the old fart that has to get up before dawn to go to work, and i'm the old fart that gets to sleep in until my grandsons wake up and start bouncing off the walls. everybody's working for the weekend.... (look it up on youtube. good song.)
  18. 2 points
    I on the other hand have to disagree with Sophia. No hard feelings intended. My take on the situation is that you make yourself available as a friend. An ear to listen if she needs it . Since she has just experienced a broken engagement, regardless of who broke it, she may need time to get over it. And usually "rebound" relationships rarely end up being something long lasting, I feel you may gain more by the friendship route at this time. No need to profess your long love for her yet. Give her the time she needs and who knows what might happen. Best wishes on your journey.
  19. 2 points
    i agree! and let me add this... in most romantic relationships, both the guy and the girl will put on a mask... trying to be what they think the other person wants them to be. eventually that facade breaks down and you are stuck with the real person that you might not have known existed. in cousin relationships, most times you know each other as cousins, as real people, warts and all, before you begin having any romantic feelings. there is no mask to uncover. you get what you see from the very beginning. that's a huge plus. and the family connection really can't be denied. when mark and i moved back to texas after a decade in las vegas, i had to (nearly immediately) go to florida for a few weeks while our grandson was born. mark was going through a really rough transition... things he had to overcome. quite frankly he was going through withdrawals. and then he failed a drug test which meant he didn't get the job that he'd been expecting to have when we moved back. and he was depressed and trying to find work, and i wasn't there. this is where our aunts stepped in. well, my aunts, his great aunts. my mom and three of her sisters were sharing an apartment and they rallied around him. they invited him over every day after his job search. they fed him meals. they gave him companionship. they gave him encouragement. they told him family stories he'd never heard before. they loved him unconditionally and never passed judgment on him, never criticized him, never made him feel bad. they were a HUGE part of his recovery, and i have no doubt that they were a big part in him being able to stay clean and sober for these last six years. and when, one by one each of them fell ill, he was right there with me, every step of the way. he didn't have to be. he'd barely known these ladies when he was growing up, because they were his father's aunts. but he'd become so close to them during that time when we'd moved back that he was very invested in their every need. my mother moved in with us and lived here with us for five years. mark would move heaven and earth for each of the aunts when they needed something done. if one needed to go to the hospital, he was there to take them. if one was frantically trying to hide in someone else's closet in the middle of the night at the nursing home she'd moved to, mark was dressed and ready to go help calm her and get her back to her own room, no matter what time of night, even when he had to work the next day. when my own mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, my husband took three days off from work just to be here with her and help her adjust to the fact that she was dying. and he would sit up with her well into the night. he would take care of her as best he could. (which reminds me, years 15 years earlier he'd taken such good care of my father in much the same way, always being there to help if he had fallen or if he'd lost control of his bodily functions.. he would be there to take care of the things i was too squeamish to deal with). so yeah, there are a lot of awesome benefits to being married to someone who shares the same family. and i know that a lot of people in non-cousin marriages have spouses who would go above and beyond like that too, but they're few and far between. and here's one other thing, totally on a different subject. there's always a lot of fear regarding things that might be inherited because of the kinship. but many of the wealthiest families in history, even in america, (including the DuPont family, whose empire produces things that we find in nearly every aspect of our daily life, including our clothing and our carpet and our cookware, and kevlar for our military and police, etc.) the Factor family (think Max Factor Cosmetics), the Rockefellers (still big in government today) all understood that cousin marriage could STRENGTHEN the family bloodline because of desirable traits that would be passed down. in those families back in the early days cousin marriages were preferred. because the patriarchs of the family understood that. of course it also served to keep the money in the family. animal breeders understand that same concept that the rockefellers and duponts and factors understood. that's why horses and dogs are often bred with what would be called a cousin if it were humans instead of animals. cousins are far enough distant that deliterious genetic conditions can be recognized and identified (and therefore the pairing of those two avoided), and also that POSITIVE genetic traits (strength, endurance, speed, etc) can be identified and therefore purposely pairing those two to produce offspring with those desired traits. and there's my two cents. now i'm going to sit down with the grandkids and watch a movie.
  20. 2 points
    maybe you could start with something like 'if we weren't cousins, i think i'd kiss you' or 'like "hey, weird thing, i read that the catholic encyclopedia says that joseph and mary were cousins!' (or that benjamin bunny and flopsy were cousins... it says so on the first page of the beloved children's classic by beatrix potter) and see where the conversation leads ya. or rent a movie like mansfield park, a classic and fun romance between cousins by jane austen. or something a little more tragic, like how i live now. it's a beautiful but very sad wwII era love story between first cousins. keep in mind that 2nd cousins are not prohibited from even marrying, anywhere in the world. there is no reason to fear anything other than fear itself.
  21. 2 points
  22. 2 points
    Even with the poor punctuation, I don't need to go past your first paragraph: You're 13. He's 28. Once again, YOU'RE 13. HE'S 28. If you have been struggling with depression since you were 11 years old, it's time for you to go to the doctor. Immediately. There are all kinds of causes of depression; both environment and biology can have a major influence on our mental health. This is nothing to ignore!! You are 13, so hormones are in an uproar for you right now and the difference between infatuation and love can become blurred. I won't dismiss your feelings for him, but I won't encourage them either. At any age, a 15 year age difference is a big one. When you are as young as you are, it's astromically big. My advice: Get to a doctor to have your depression treated then go about the business of being 13. Study hard so you can get into college, join a club or two at school, get a part-time job, be involved with your church youth group, learn to dance or play an instrument..... fill up your time with being a teenager and stay away from this 28 year old man. And yes, that means blocking his cell phone number, unfriending him from social media and not going out of your way to maintain a relationship with him. This may seem impossible to do, but it's not. It will hurt you for a little while, but the more you are involved in school, community and friends that are appropriate for a young lady of 13, the easier it will get. IF when you're 18 you still get butterflies when you're around him, come back to this site and we will help you through. For now, keep your distance and enjoy being 13!
  23. 2 points
    You don't say a word to him. You're 14 and he's 20. And he's about to be married. And BTW, it was most inappropriate for him to give even a hint of attraction toward you. Wait 4 years and if you still have feelings for him and he is not married, come back here and we will steer you in the right direction.
  24. 2 points
    Tell her, "If we were not cousins ..." and see how she responds!
  25. 2 points
    I'm not sure if it's appropriate for this forum, or even this site, so I apologise if this post content is deemed unsuitable and I welcome the moderator or site controller to remove it...... Intimacy The level of intimacy in the bedroom (& other places) that we enjoy and love is so far beyond anything either of us has experienced before, it's difficult to put into worlds. The incredibly strong emotional connection we feel is enhanced and intensified when we are physically intimate. I would say we are normal in terms of the activities but the joy, satisfication, mental, emotional and physical connection is nothing short of amazing (and oh so satisfying for us both) I'm not sure if this is a result of being first cousins or being in our early 30's with a little prior experience before we got together or whether it's a male/female attraction of the greatest intensity without the cousin factor but I do know we are amazing together ..... mentally, emotionally and physicall. On every possible level we are soulmates.
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