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Showing content with the highest reputation on 01/05/2018 in all areas

  1. 1 point
    I agree with all of that. If someone is looking for a fling, or a fun summer, or some drama (yuck), looking for any of that with a cousin is a terrible idea. Not every relationship can (or should) turn into something serious, but a relationship with a cousin is serious from the moment it starts, whether or not that's the plan. A cousin is a connection no matter what. and if someone gets hurt and the romantic relationship is over, that familial bond still exists. That's a lifetime of possible pain and awkward encounters. It's my opinion that anyone who wants a relationship with a cousin needs to be willing to give that relationship their all, and be mature enough to recognize what a real relationship (as opposed to a fantasy or dream of a relationship) is like. Otherwise, the potential pitfalls make it not worth the risk. I knew I had a thing for my cousin years before I said anything. I needed to know how serious my own feelings were, and that they were real, and to be in a situation to make things work if he felt the same (which I didn't think he would, I just decided I needed to tell him anyway). I think that was the right choice, and I encourage anyone in a similar situation to do some serious soul searching before starting something that isn't simple or easy to back out of. As a side note, it took a long time for me to say something to my cousin, but when I did, and when he felt the same, that was it. There was no question for either of us that we'd do whatever we needed to do to be together for the rest of our lives. That, I think, is part of what can make a cousin relationship so special. If you do it right, that cousin dynamic morphing into something deeper, something built on a pre-existing affection and knowledge of each other, the trust and intimacy can be exceptional.
  2. 1 point
    Someone new joined and I presume after reading my post, asked me for advice. It gave me the opportunity to write down some of my thoughts concerning all this, so I figured I'd share with you all the reply I gave them. "Since I have never fully and actively before pursued my cousin until now, I doubt I should be the one giving advice. Although, I would believe you should treat your cousin with love, honesty, and respect, always. Let that person know that you will be there for them and will never leave their side. Let them know they can count on you and depend on you too. But do not just say it with words, do what you can in action and deeds too. You have to be serious about pursuing your cousin and be willing to see things through, with the true intentions to commit. -- At least that is where I am coming from. I genuinely want to give her everything I can to make her happy and to see her dreams come true. That includes providing for her expecting child and loving her child as though it were my own. It means putting her needs first, as I recognize that I cannot be selfish about any of this. -- I'm not sure if I've explained enough my true meaning since somethings I do not believe you can put everything into words. But I hope what I have put into words, helps you and I wish you good luck." If I were to add to that reply, I would add that it is something you have to be serious about and have thought about and felt for some time. You have to be serious about your feelings and not just the idea. I did not just wake up one morning and think to myself, "oh gee, let's see if I can have a relationship with my cousin". While it is true, there was an immediate attraction towards her before I knew she was my cousin and it was more than just physical, I liked how she carried herself and could be both mature while having a good sense of humor. That did not change once I found out she was my cousin and overtime, even though we both dated other people over time, I continued to desire her and wanted to know her more. There was always that longing which never left me and the strong desire I had to know she was happy in life and whenever I learned she wasn't, I felt true heartache. You also have to be accepting of who your cousin is, understanding that, no one is perfect, not even you (yourself), and that your cousin too is human and has flaws. As I said previously, you cannot just be in love with the idea, but the reality too of who that person is and how they are as a person. As I said, I didn't just wake up on a random morning and come to this lightly. You have to put yourself out there, be willing to risk it all, and ask yourself, is this worth it? In my case, most definitely, yes. I truly believe, sware to god belief, that the biggest fools on this earth, are the few who screwed up and did not give "AV" the love and respect she deserves. In my opinion, they were given the opportunity of a lifetime, and they are complete fools for not doing right by her. It is a mistake I do not plan on making and given the chance, I plan on doing right by her. I want to help her fulfill her dreams and lighten whatever burdens come her way in life. I want her to know I'm on her side, as I stand by her side. If there are children involved, you have to take that into consideration too. In this case, with a child on the way, even though it is not mine, I know I will man up and step up. You have to be prepared to take on that responsibility and not just "play house". Children are fun, but they are also a lot of work and care. The greatest fool of them all is the fool who walked out on my cousin and claimed he didn't want anything to do with her or the baby. Well, I am no fool, and I'm perfectly content with the idea of late night feedings, diaper changing, restless and sleepless nights, hard work, and much, much more. I am willing to do what is right for her and whatever she needs and whatever it takes. While I believe my cousin is a strong woman, I do not think my cousin should have to do it alone and I do not want her to do it alone and mean for her not to be alone. I will gladly stand by her and be there. There is so much more I could say, but as I said previously, I do not think words alone could ever express everything.

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