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  1. 2 points
    personally, i think his behavior sounds kinda stalker-ish. if it's all just by text and social media, then i don't know what can be done. but if he bothers you in person or at your home or workplace, you might consider filing a restraining order.
  2. 2 points
    How old are the two of you?? He sounds really young or maybe immature. All you can do is keep repeating that your aren't interested, don't waver or give in. You don't need to feel guilty that you don't love him. If his feelings are hurt that is for him to work through, not for you to feel guilty about.
  3. 1 point
    I see... Then its time for a stronger dosage. A harder "No stop it" that will repel him must be done. Otherwise he just wont stop because he couldn't stop. If we like a girl so much, I believe, we need those stronger dosage of rejection --- you know? Make it along the lines of "Hey, what the f---. I am sorry. Please stop. I already said "No" and that's my decision. Stop talking to me". A firm response like that will not drive him away though. But it will make him stop and will be repelled because you are stern this time. He will be afraid of losing you if he continues making advances; hence it will die down. Dont be afraid of losing your cousin though (in the sense of his presence)....coz you wont. But it will make the job done (him stopping these advances). Pooch
  4. 1 point
    No no no.. Don't put this on you, Angel. Besides, I don't think you even rejected him. And if you did (from his POV), then it's on him. What you can do though is make sure you distance yourself around him. Sure, don't change anything and don't be awkward.. but at the same time, treat this thing as a "harmless crush"... Just care for him as a brother and that's it. Also, just a quick question, do you have a boyfriend? Coz if you do, then focus your attention to your boyfriend and not to your cousin.... Your cousin can deal with his crap by himself. Yes he is shy and has baggages and all but that's fine.. From his POV, it's better for him to tell you his feelings anyways rather than bottle it up and regret it. So I guess that's cool. Pooch
  5. 1 point
    You did the right thing. Sounds like he is acting impulsively as a reaction to the end of his last relationship. Always better to wait long, than marry wrong. he will see this in time and forget about it eventually.
  6. 1 point
    Be upfront and honest and true to yourself.
  7. 1 point
    It sounds to me like this is actually blackmail. Win a lottery jackpot and see how they talk THEN!! They have NO right to control you lives. Hang in there and good luck! HUGS Nat
  8. 1 point
    The divorce may be influencing the children's reaction. If his wife is narcissistic, or not, she may be doing some parent-alienation and telling the kids how terrible the father is, and she might do that no matter who he was involved with. They may well disown the father until they want some money, and then they might try to guilt him to get it. I think the family dynamics here is a bigger force in this situation than the cousin-romance. The father might want to talk to a therapist about how to handle this situation. Certainly a cousin-romance makes the situation worse, but I have a sneaking suspicion that things wouldn't be too much different, if he was not with his cousin. Best of luck.
  9. 1 point
    And this is where? On the internet? As Nattana said, people say stupid things all the time...even all the more, hurtful things. You dont need to justify if you got feelings for your cousin. They are your feelings and they cannot be wrong. If I am in pain, nobody in the world including the great Dr. Derek Sheppherd can say thay I am not in pain, because that is what I feel. Same goes if you are happy. If you are genuinely happy (with your cousin for example), people cannot say you are incorrect for feeling that way. So let people deal with that -- but you live your life. Our website has done very good research throughout the years. I have been in this forum since my freshman in college. I have not seen anybody rebut (all the more, refute) any of the points here. (I guess because they are facts!) H I mean, I can flip it around and tell the one that say "ew. Thats like sleeping with your brother", for typical relationships, "Eeew! Sleeping with a stranger? You dont know that person. You dont even know his genetic background. Disgusting." Now, it might not have the same fangs as the comment by critics due to social construct but we can argue that it goes both ways. Nevertheless, if the place where you guys at allows you to be married, nobody is stopping you guys. For even God is not disfavoring cousin marriages; matter of fact, He may even like it! (Ambra_flows mentioned Leviticus) and as seen in the examples in human history. So yeah, welcome to CC forum. Enjoy your stay! Pooch
  10. 1 point
    The book of Leviticus in the Bible gives a detailed definition of incest, and cousin love is NOT there. It is legal to marry your cousin in Canada and parts of the U.S., and other parts of the world, so I imagine that places that allow it, know it's not incest. Read other cousin-marriage facts on this website to learn other things about cousin-marriage. And perhaps think about how you would feel if you broke off your engagement to your fiancee. Would you regret losing him for any reason, including the fact that you let people dissuade you because he was your cousin? Those people who say "incest" aren't going to help you find someone else you want to marry if you break up with your cousin. Critics can be good at criticizing, but they're not there to help you put your life together years down the road. Those people are usually gone by then. Live your life on your own terms. Be prepared to face the consequences of any of your actions, knowing that there are advantages and disadvantages to everything you do and choose. Best of luck Ambra
  11. 1 point
    Hi Dovey, welcome to cc. I'm going to tell you a true story. Please bear with me. I met my second cousin when I was 13 and he was 15. We didn't live in the same city, but the same state (USA). We hit it off right away. Always knew we had something different than just "cousins", but didin't know what it was. We wrote letters ( yes, we are that old!), and kept in touch that way. Only saw each other a few times after that first meeting. He told me he asked me to marry him when I was 17, I didn't remember, but he told me I told him NO! Not because I particularly had anything against cousin couples ,but I was still in high school and wasn't interested in marrying anyone. Having too much fun, like school age girls do! Life went on for us, we both got married to others, more than once to be honest, and had families. We even got our families together when at one time we lived in the same state. NO hanky panky or anything went on. But we always kept up with each other through our respective parents that were first cousins. We reconnected 38 years later when both were once again single. We have now been married for over 15 years. All this to say, I think your best option at this age and time would be to build a friendship with her. Not a relationship. She is young as are you. You are both going to grow and change and meet different people before you are ready for any serious relationship, whether it is with each other or someone else. I am not trying to discourage you, but I am trying to show you that at your ages you both will go through changes and growing pains. There will be boyfriends and girlfriends, maybe wives, husbands and children. But If this is meant to be it will. But you also have to be open to the fact that it may not be in the stars for the two of you. Work on the friendship, don't bare your soul to her and for now enjoy your times together. And I DO NOT think it is a good idea to just go for it at this time. Wait, wait, and wait some more. Give both of you time to grow, mature and live life as teens should.
  12. 1 point
    Honestly, just tell her how you feel. You will regret it if you don't act on your feelings. Most teenagers or even some people in their twenties get into relationships to explore their sexuality or even for appearances. Cousin love is one of the most intense feelings you can have. If you believe in Christianity, The Bible is also against incest relationships but it does not list cousins. I'm posting in this thread passionately because I feel like I can relate to your story pretty well. I told my second cousin I loved her when I was 17 and she was 18. Unfortunately she said I was like a brother to her and got into a relationship with another guy two weeks later. I was devastated at both instances, but I was glad to have gotten my romantic feelings off my shoulders, and I'm glad that I did so after all these years later. She also lives in another state than I do. Since I'm 25 now, I have a lot more wisdom and experience than I did 8 years ago. I've had crushes on girls in the past, but looking back, I only truly loved one woman, and that was my second cousin. I never give up hope that there might be more, but I also know that now it's in her hands whether she falls for me or not, not mine. So yeah, make sure to act on your feelings, because if you don't, you'll always be left wondering if there can ever be more for you two. Best of luck.
  13. 1 point
    This is a post I've been meaning to write for a while, because I see so many people struggling with their feelings, and with how the world will/is responding. And I too struggled for years, and thought the idea of being with my cousin was impossible, and thought that if we were together, if by some chance he felt about me the way I felt about him, things would be impossibly hard. We've been married for about two months now. At the very least, members of our family(ies) accept us, and some of them are very happy we're together. Our friends all know and accept us. We are very lucky, and our world is not going to be what everyone gets, but I've learned that there are some advantages to cousin relationships that most relationships don't have, and I want to share that, because I think a lot of you don't know that, and are scared and confused, and I want you to know that not only are cousin relationships NOT impossible, but there are some things that make them special. So, for one thing. If/when your family accepts your relationship, here's a big plus: you are both invested in the same people. When our mutual grandmother (she just turned 87 and lives by herself) needs help, we are both right there to do everything we can. If one of us is more available than the other, that person spends the night at her house. If she's not feeding herself right, we both remind her of that, and if one of us decides to buy her nutritional supplements out of our grocery fund, the other one is happy about that. This is our family. We take care of them, and we both know why, and we both agree on that. Related, if there is a disagreement in the family, we send in the one of us who is best positioned to handle it. So, my husband/cousin's mother's husband (no relation to either of us) emailed the family saying he thought we should all come together and force our grandmother (again, no relation of his) into assisted living. And we talked about how to respond, and in that case my husband/cousin handled it beautifully. And I'm the one who calls our grandmother at least once a week, and tells her we both love her, and checks in on how she's doing, because I'm better on the phone. All of the above is about family, which is really important. But the personal is even more important. My husband/cousin and I saw each other a couple of times a year when we were kids. We didn't see each other for about ten years from adolescence to adulthood. After that, we saw each other again about twice a year, until I moved close to him and things got complicated. But at that point, I already knew him. I'd known him my whole life. We always talked freely about our relationships to each other. I watched him be a father to another woman's three girls, who weren't his, until she made it impossible for him. I knew what he would be like in a relationship before I was ever with him. I knew his strengths, and his flaws, just as he knew mine. And I knew that his strengths were exactly what I needed, and I knew that I complimented his flaws. I walked into this relationship knowing exactly what I was walking into, and loving him for who he is. To me, that's the most powerful potential about a cousin relationship. That you can know the other person, so well, on other terms, before you become romantically involved or commit to them. That's not something most people get to have. Anyone who reads this and is struck by it, or anyone who is struggling with the possibility of a cousin relationship, please feel free to respond here, or to message me directly. And for those of you who are in happy cousin relationships: anything to add?
  14. 1 point
    Hey Zachary, personally, I was the exact same way. I was attracted to my second cousin from the second we first reconnected. He always acted as though he was attracted to me as well. But, when I found out we were cousins I completely shut the idea out of my head. I was scared. I was scared of what people would say. Scared of losing friends. Scared of how the family would react. It took me getting in a relationship, and getting engaged to that abusive piece of trash to finally came around. Charles gave me the courage to leave. He was always there for me. It took that expierence for my sister to come to me and (although he had told me) tell me that genetic wise we would be fine and that I shouldn’t care what people think and say. It took her telling me that it wasn’t illegal in our state. It took seeing that no matter what, he was always going to be there for me. I don’t know if you’ve tried it yet or not but try going about it at the way of just showing her, it’s okay. Now, Charles and I have now been together for 9 months, he has started talking about the future... but... the only people who know we are together is my mother, sister, brother in law, niece and nephew, and a few of our friends. We have yet to take the leap and become public (his wanting... I want to scream it from the rooftop) hope i helped.
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