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Showing content with the highest reputation since 09/23/2018 in all areas

  1. 4 points
    This is a post I've been meaning to write for a while, because I see so many people struggling with their feelings, and with how the world will/is responding. And I too struggled for years, and thought the idea of being with my cousin was impossible, and thought that if we were together, if by some chance he felt about me the way I felt about him, things would be impossibly hard. We've been married for about two months now. At the very least, members of our family(ies) accept us, and some of them are very happy we're together. Our friends all know and accept us. We are very lucky, and our world is not going to be what everyone gets, but I've learned that there are some advantages to cousin relationships that most relationships don't have, and I want to share that, because I think a lot of you don't know that, and are scared and confused, and I want you to know that not only are cousin relationships NOT impossible, but there are some things that make them special. So, for one thing. If/when your family accepts your relationship, here's a big plus: you are both invested in the same people. When our mutual grandmother (she just turned 87 and lives by herself) needs help, we are both right there to do everything we can. If one of us is more available than the other, that person spends the night at her house. If she's not feeding herself right, we both remind her of that, and if one of us decides to buy her nutritional supplements out of our grocery fund, the other one is happy about that. This is our family. We take care of them, and we both know why, and we both agree on that. Related, if there is a disagreement in the family, we send in the one of us who is best positioned to handle it. So, my husband/cousin's mother's husband (no relation to either of us) emailed the family saying he thought we should all come together and force our grandmother (again, no relation of his) into assisted living. And we talked about how to respond, and in that case my husband/cousin handled it beautifully. And I'm the one who calls our grandmother at least once a week, and tells her we both love her, and checks in on how she's doing, because I'm better on the phone. All of the above is about family, which is really important. But the personal is even more important. My husband/cousin and I saw each other a couple of times a year when we were kids. We didn't see each other for about ten years from adolescence to adulthood. After that, we saw each other again about twice a year, until I moved close to him and things got complicated. But at that point, I already knew him. I'd known him my whole life. We always talked freely about our relationships to each other. I watched him be a father to another woman's three girls, who weren't his, until she made it impossible for him. I knew what he would be like in a relationship before I was ever with him. I knew his strengths, and his flaws, just as he knew mine. And I knew that his strengths were exactly what I needed, and I knew that I complimented his flaws. I walked into this relationship knowing exactly what I was walking into, and loving him for who he is. To me, that's the most powerful potential about a cousin relationship. That you can know the other person, so well, on other terms, before you become romantically involved or commit to them. That's not something most people get to have. Anyone who reads this and is struck by it, or anyone who is struggling with the possibility of a cousin relationship, please feel free to respond here, or to message me directly. And for those of you who are in happy cousin relationships: anything to add?
  2. 2 points
    Hubby and I, second cousins, are very happy. Married over15 years, retired for over 4, and having a great time traveling wherever we want in our RV! Life is good!
  3. 2 points
    the thing is, he had the ability to have a genetic specialist on there, and he CHOSE instead to have someone who would give slanted and inaccurate information. that was not by accident. it was totally intentional.
  4. 2 points
    What is it with you guys that just want to have sex with your cousin!!!! Do you not think enough of these young ladies to either have a REAL relationship with them and treat them as they should be treated or are you just STUPID enough to think that they think you are the BEST thing in the world to come their way??????? Honestly I may be old, but if I were either of your cousins I would kick you to the curb, and be HIGHLY insulted that you think so lowly of me! Maybe it is time to mature in your thinking, it isn't all about you.
  5. 2 points
    How old are the two of you?? He sounds really young or maybe immature. All you can do is keep repeating that your aren't interested, don't waver or give in. You don't need to feel guilty that you don't love him. If his feelings are hurt that is for him to work through, not for you to feel guilty about.
  6. 2 points
    Hey Zachary, personally, I was the exact same way. I was attracted to my second cousin from the second we first reconnected. He always acted as though he was attracted to me as well. But, when I found out we were cousins I completely shut the idea out of my head. I was scared. I was scared of what people would say. Scared of losing friends. Scared of how the family would react. It took me getting in a relationship, and getting engaged to that abusive piece of trash to finally came around. Charles gave me the courage to leave. He was always there for me. It took that expierence for my sister to come to me and (although he had told me) tell me that genetic wise we would be fine and that I shouldn’t care what people think and say. It took her telling me that it wasn’t illegal in our state. It took seeing that no matter what, he was always going to be there for me. I don’t know if you’ve tried it yet or not but try going about it at the way of just showing her, it’s okay. Now, Charles and I have now been together for 9 months, he has started talking about the future... but... the only people who know we are together is my mother, sister, brother in law, niece and nephew, and a few of our friends. We have yet to take the leap and become public (his wanting... I want to scream it from the rooftop) hope i helped.
  7. 1 point
  8. 1 point
    Words of wisdom - Pooch is the man! 👍 If she rejects you, who cares? Meet other women that are worthy of your love and attention and also returns the favor. She's not the only girl in the planet.
  9. 1 point
    An 8 year old who has a fabulous relationship with the father - the ex is going to lose!!!! There are going to be lots of people feeling very jealous of your happiness and some of them may be relatives. LOL So please keep us aware of how things are going. HUGS Nat
  10. 1 point
    First of all - take several very deep breaths and RELAX! This is a new relationship and you need to take time to figure it all out. You aren't teens so you can make your own decisions. If the families have problems they are their problems - not yours. The one thing that is most important, in my opinion, is his small child. How old is the child? That problem can be handled as well. Don't give in to fear and risk losing happiness. We are here to support and encourage you. HUGS Nat
  11. 1 point
    mark and i are first cousins once removed. we will be celebrating our 21st wedding anniversary on new year's day. yes, we're still happy... it's kinda like fine wine i guess, the more we age, the better we get
  12. 1 point
    I see her every few months. Thank you, Pooch.
  13. 1 point
    Hi Ben Thanks for the responses. Here's my take. I think that you should try to get information in this situation by not asking her. Meaning to say, observe her from a distance and gauge if she hss feelings for you or not. If she does, then sure go for it. I suggest going subtle around her because of the close proximity. She only lives less than an hour away... so how often do you guys see each other monthly/yearly? Use these interactions to ask a bit about the things going on in her life -- not necessarily on what she thinks about you. You see, what she thinks about other stuff actually determines how she views you. You know what I'm saying, bro? So I suggest that you keep her on your radar and observe how she reacts on things. Do not accept her quirkiness right away especially the fact thay she just got off from a recent relationship. So just make sure that you are there for her and keep your eyes and ears open, bro. Pooch
  14. 1 point
    I see. How long have you had this feeling though? Pooch
  15. 1 point
    I see. 3 years older you say? I think that's an ideal age gap. U guys are in your mid-20s, or what? How old are you guys? Anyways, half an hour distance is not too far... Pooch
  16. 1 point
    Question: Does she have a boyfriend? If you say no, how do you know? Pooch
  17. 1 point
    please note that the last post was entered over ONE YEAR ago
  18. 1 point
    The military will never know or will they ask. There are no laws (USA) that we are aware of that would prohibit 3rd cousin marriage. The only people that will know are the ones you choose to tell. It is your business. Married to my second cousin for 15 years now. He is retired military.
  19. 1 point
    Hi 1st of all how old is your cousin? Where are you from? Is she your 1st, 2nd or 3rd cousin etc.. cant give too many answer to your questions without the relevant information. But on the basis that she is also over 18 my advice would be to sit down and speak to her, tell her about your feelings and ask how she feels. Atleast that way u wont have to potentially wait for nothing or move on and miss the chance of what you wanted. But please for the love of God speak to her respectfully, take her for a coffee or food or something. Dont just text or ring her, do it face to face. Rob
  20. 1 point
    You should leave her alone. She has a boyfriend. There is no way for us to know if you are discerning too much into these little things. If you want to test the waters you could reminiscence about the past and ask her, "Would you ever really date me if we weren't cousins?" and then see where the conversation leads
  21. 1 point
    Magandang buhay po sa lahat.. Newbie lng po ako dito. Makiki-loop in po sana kung ok lng?Katulad din po ako sa inyu in love sa pinsan. , i've been living with my cousin almost 9 years na at may 2 anak na kmi..8years old & 4 years old.. Natutuwa ako sa wakas dinala ako ni google sa site ng cc.com.
  22. 1 point
    If you are wanting more than a friendship with her, that should be out of the question, you are both married and that means hands off for both of you.. There is no need to tell her of your feelings because of the afore mentioned reason.
  23. 1 point
    That sounds just awful that people today can voice such hostile negativity. I would say "Just ignore it" but I can imagine that after a while, and after the consistency of that kind of negativity; it just gets you down. So understandably you are struggling lately; I think you've done the right thing by firstly talking about it; that helps; and just to let you know that you are not alone. When life gets me down, or people for that matter, I try to focus on the things that really matter to me; I find that helps too Kinda puts things into perspective. So yeah....talk about it...and focus on whats important to you in life; and if possible; cut the haters loose from your life.
  24. 1 point
    We are second cousins, married 15 years. No problems with family, except for a few comments in fun. We just don't announce it to the world. It isn't any of business of others unless we want them to know. I'm not sure what you are struggling with, but if you have been married that long, something must be working. Did your families have any problem with your relationship? Personally speaking, you may be borrowing trouble where there is none. Because the Utah couple chose to be so public, doesn't mean you have too. Of course many of those cruel/mean comments that are made toward them are behind the anonymity of the internet and very well might not be so cruel/mean in a face to face situation. Also most of them are not aware of the state laws and biblical recognition of cousin couple relationships. They speak from ignorance of the correct information. Don't let the negativity integrate into your relationship. At the end of the day they get no say in your life. Best wishes as you work through our struggles.
  25. 1 point
    You wrote: "At a recent family reunion, I asked about the first wife and the coincidence in her having the same name as I do. This sent him off the rails , in a spitting nails fit of cruelty and rage, directed at me." I would be concerned about his reaction. I've known people who go nuts over a simple question. He may be a very abusive person, who does not communicate effectively. That should be your main concern. The rest of what you've written, just sounds like this is all your perspective, and none of it his perspective towards you. Going by what you've written, I would NOT pursue a relationship with him.
  26. 1 point
    I see... Then its time for a stronger dosage. A harder "No stop it" that will repel him must be done. Otherwise he just wont stop because he couldn't stop. If we like a girl so much, I believe, we need those stronger dosage of rejection --- you know? Make it along the lines of "Hey, what the f---. I am sorry. Please stop. I already said "No" and that's my decision. Stop talking to me". A firm response like that will not drive him away though. But it will make him stop and will be repelled because you are stern this time. He will be afraid of losing you if he continues making advances; hence it will die down. Dont be afraid of losing your cousin though (in the sense of his presence)....coz you wont. But it will make the job done (him stopping these advances). Pooch
  27. 1 point
    It’s a tricky one Asteriia, I think when you are younger stuff is already very intense and confusing before you add in something like this. You both have a long way to go in life and there is a risk a mistake now could make things hard for you both and for your family. A strong friendship is also a special thing to share with someone and a good foundation for the future if that is still what you feel is right down the track. It’s hard to imagine how much time you have when you are young but you have lots. Also if it’s the law where you are you should follow that for now even if you don’t agree with it.
  28. 1 point
    No no no.. Don't put this on you, Angel. Besides, I don't think you even rejected him. And if you did (from his POV), then it's on him. What you can do though is make sure you distance yourself around him. Sure, don't change anything and don't be awkward.. but at the same time, treat this thing as a "harmless crush"... Just care for him as a brother and that's it. Also, just a quick question, do you have a boyfriend? Coz if you do, then focus your attention to your boyfriend and not to your cousin.... Your cousin can deal with his crap by himself. Yes he is shy and has baggages and all but that's fine.. From his POV, it's better for him to tell you his feelings anyways rather than bottle it up and regret it. So I guess that's cool. Pooch
  29. 1 point
    You did the right thing. Sounds like he is acting impulsively as a reaction to the end of his last relationship. Always better to wait long, than marry wrong. he will see this in time and forget about it eventually.
  30. 1 point
    I think you fellas might be being a bit harsh here. Obviously there is additional risk in this kind of relationship at the onset that makes people unsure so all you need to add to that is a fairly moderate level of female insecurity and it gets hard to see the forest for the trees for most men. It’s not easy to put yourself out there like that and without being able to see a persons response it’s even harder. I’m imagining you are getting these declarations in emails and in a different time zone so by the time you read it, work through your own stuff and are ready to respond she’s panicked and feels rejected and pathetic. It’s a very real possibility she doesn’t know how you feel but maybe senses it then talks herself out of it thinking she is imagining it. Irrespective of the current status I would tell her you feel it too. Maybe it doesn’t go anywhere, maybe it opens up a conversation you need to have, maybe it’s to best thing you ever do. They are all better outcomes than maybe I should have said something once it’s too late. we (women) are basically all a bit crazy in love so if you think you have found one that isn’t, it probably just means she a better liar. That’s much worse. Be that strong man KC and Pooch are talking about, channel your inner Billy Joel and tell her about it I say.
  31. 1 point
    It sounds to me like this is actually blackmail. Win a lottery jackpot and see how they talk THEN!! They have NO right to control you lives. Hang in there and good luck! HUGS Nat
  32. 1 point
    The divorce may be influencing the children's reaction. If his wife is narcissistic, or not, she may be doing some parent-alienation and telling the kids how terrible the father is, and she might do that no matter who he was involved with. They may well disown the father until they want some money, and then they might try to guilt him to get it. I think the family dynamics here is a bigger force in this situation than the cousin-romance. The father might want to talk to a therapist about how to handle this situation. Certainly a cousin-romance makes the situation worse, but I have a sneaking suspicion that things wouldn't be too much different, if he was not with his cousin. Best of luck.
  33. 1 point
    And this is where? On the internet? As Nattana said, people say stupid things all the time...even all the more, hurtful things. You dont need to justify if you got feelings for your cousin. They are your feelings and they cannot be wrong. If I am in pain, nobody in the world including the great Dr. Derek Sheppherd can say thay I am not in pain, because that is what I feel. Same goes if you are happy. If you are genuinely happy (with your cousin for example), people cannot say you are incorrect for feeling that way. So let people deal with that -- but you live your life. Our website has done very good research throughout the years. I have been in this forum since my freshman in college. I have not seen anybody rebut (all the more, refute) any of the points here. (I guess because they are facts!) H I mean, I can flip it around and tell the one that say "ew. Thats like sleeping with your brother", for typical relationships, "Eeew! Sleeping with a stranger? You dont know that person. You dont even know his genetic background. Disgusting." Now, it might not have the same fangs as the comment by critics due to social construct but we can argue that it goes both ways. Nevertheless, if the place where you guys at allows you to be married, nobody is stopping you guys. For even God is not disfavoring cousin marriages; matter of fact, He may even like it! (Ambra_flows mentioned Leviticus) and as seen in the examples in human history. So yeah, welcome to CC forum. Enjoy your stay! Pooch
  34. 1 point
    The book of Leviticus in the Bible gives a detailed definition of incest, and cousin love is NOT there. It is legal to marry your cousin in Canada and parts of the U.S., and other parts of the world, so I imagine that places that allow it, know it's not incest. Read other cousin-marriage facts on this website to learn other things about cousin-marriage. And perhaps think about how you would feel if you broke off your engagement to your fiancee. Would you regret losing him for any reason, including the fact that you let people dissuade you because he was your cousin? Those people who say "incest" aren't going to help you find someone else you want to marry if you break up with your cousin. Critics can be good at criticizing, but they're not there to help you put your life together years down the road. Those people are usually gone by then. Live your life on your own terms. Be prepared to face the consequences of any of your actions, knowing that there are advantages and disadvantages to everything you do and choose. Best of luck Ambra
  35. 1 point
    Honestly, just tell her how you feel. You will regret it if you don't act on your feelings. Most teenagers or even some people in their twenties get into relationships to explore their sexuality or even for appearances. Cousin love is one of the most intense feelings you can have. If you believe in Christianity, The Bible is also against incest relationships but it does not list cousins. I'm posting in this thread passionately because I feel like I can relate to your story pretty well. I told my second cousin I loved her when I was 17 and she was 18. Unfortunately she said I was like a brother to her and got into a relationship with another guy two weeks later. I was devastated at both instances, but I was glad to have gotten my romantic feelings off my shoulders, and I'm glad that I did so after all these years later. She also lives in another state than I do. Since I'm 25 now, I have a lot more wisdom and experience than I did 8 years ago. I've had crushes on girls in the past, but looking back, I only truly loved one woman, and that was my second cousin. I never give up hope that there might be more, but I also know that now it's in her hands whether she falls for me or not, not mine. So yeah, make sure to act on your feelings, because if you don't, you'll always be left wondering if there can ever be more for you two. Best of luck.
  36. 1 point
    KC: Your response is exactly why I responded the way I did. I really think she is just trying to get under our skin
  37. 1 point
    Its actually good. But, the orange header colour is too bright and the yellow colour of the logo is not clearly visible.
  38. 1 point
    My dad and her grandfather are either first or second cousins what would that make me and her?
  39. 1 point
    Why do you only work 30 hours a week? Are you crippled or something? If you don't like the fact that your husband keeps pointing out that you're lazy then I would just tell him so. I I would try to make my husband happy. Get a second job. He probably knows you are running around like a little busy bee. Yeah too much time on your hands. Well obviously he is right. You have enough time to chase after your rugged cousin. What does rugged mean anyway? I like to think of myself as rugged. Sometimes I skip a day without shaving. Go do some work please. Something constructive.
  40. 1 point
    There's about three accounts in the Bible the show God's approval of cousincouples as long as it doesn't violate state law. Just find those scriptures and show them to your mom or other family, or whoever ask about your relationship. Regardless of what they say, remind them that this shows God's view toward cousin couples. If they still insist that it's wrong remind them that, as far as you're concerned, the Bible has the final say so and is the final Authority on all matters of life and it is the Standard that you use to determine what is right and wrong. Then ask them what do they use as a standard for determining right and wrong? Again, regardless of their answer, no standard is higher or more accurate then God's word.
  41. 1 point
    @ladyc, they are trying to see if they can post spam. Hey bums, you can't!
  42. 1 point
    Thank you so much ☺. Everything else is fine.
  43. 1 point
    Thank you very much sir, problem fixed :).
  44. 1 point
    Please try again and let me know if the problem is resolved. The problem is on my end. Sorry for the trouble!
  45. 1 point
    I have allergies and bad eyesight yet my parents were not related. Sometimes we can get hysterical about being related for no good reason. Years ago, when I was drinking too much, my blood pressure was extremely high and my doc was perplexed because he could not get it down. We tried for 6 months. One day I asked if I should monitor my blood pressure at home. My doc said, "Why do you want to do that? It's just going to tell you if it is high or not, and what are you going to do if it is high?" I thought my doctor saw everything backasswards but his logic was irresistible. Let's say that a cousin couple went to a geneticist and the doc said, well, because of your family history, you have a 5 percent increased chance of having a baby with a birth defect. Maybe the couple is already pregnant. So what is the knowledge of these stats going to change? To me, it is a time waster. Another example - I go to church with a medical doctor. He has two kids with some sort of profound genetic disorder (they can hardly walk). The doctor is not related to his spouse. Now, after the first child was born with the disease, the doctor had to know very well that having another child would be extremely risky. Well he did have another child and he lost the genetic lottery, unfortunately. I'm sure his colleagues berate him behind his back. I don't hold it against him, although I am sure I would have made different decisions. I guess I see things differently.
  46. 1 point
    DillerDahl: Welcome to cc.com and thanks for your question. I am afraid that LadyC is correct and doesn't need a lesson on genetics. Hey, there is certainly room for all of us to learn more about DNA and kinship. You are so distantly related that I can't determine what your relationship is. You are not double cousins and you certainly are not inbred. You are just uninformed. The Brittish Pakistanis that you referenced are an anomaly -- a fluke resulting from the founder effect. Feel free to look that term up. Your stats are too wacky to correct. Good luck to you and please take a chill pill.
  47. 1 point
    it does not make you inbred. your parents are 2nd cousins. that is genetically no more similar than two UNrelated people. as for what relation that makes you to your parents? THEIR CHILD. oh, and your grandparents' kinship to each other doesn't change anything about this equation. get a grip. it sounds like you are trying to find something to resent them for. i get it. it's a teenager's role in life to hate their parents. but you're going to have to find some other excuse, because this one is just plain stupid.
  48. 1 point
    MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!! Best wishes for many blessings on you this season and in the new year.
  49. 1 point
    Hi! 😊 Bago lng ako sa page na ito....good to know na meron pala ganito para sa cousins couple. We're live-in partner, for about 13yrs. & may binata na kaming anak. Kami ay 1st cousin sa mother side, at tanggap na kami ng aming pamilya. Even sa lugar namin kilala kami as a couple, sa una pinag-usapan ang relasyon nmin, hindi nag tagal nagsawa na rin sila pag-usapan kami. Long story ang aming journey as a couple. Pero may time pa rin na may awkward moments, for example: pag nag Census, mga bisita na matanong, usaping kasalan at etc. Mahirap ma-maintain ang isang relasyon na hindi tanggap sa lipunan natin. Pero sabi nga ng "asawa koh", as long as nag-mamahalan kami at tanggap kami ng aming anak at ng pamilya namin, ay dedma na lang sa sinasabi ng ibang tao. Wala nman kami tinapakang tao or ginawang masama, faith in God na lang cguro. Si God, lng nman nkaka-alam ng lahat. Basta thankful kami na nalagpasan nmin lahat ng pagsubok. Hindi nman kami aabot ng 13yrs. kung di kami nagmamahalan.
  50. 1 point
    Woy! Taimis! Mabuti naman.. Mabuti.. Tuloy, tuloy.. Welcome po kayo..hehe. dapat magpapakilala tayo isa-isa. Umpisahan ko nga. hehe. Ako po si Pooch. Tubong Marikina, laking Paranaque. Inlab sa pinsan, nagtataka kung ba't "di pwede". Itinanim sa kukote, kadugo ko ang sabi-sabi Ako'y naturete kasi ang tawagan namin ay 'baby'. Minsan mapait ang buhay pero kailangang lampasan Binigay ng Maykapal kaya tanggapin na lamang. Iniaalay ng tula... sa inyo'y kamusta'y wagas. May pag-asa kami ng mahal ko, para sa magandang bukas... Pooch


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