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Popular Content

Showing content with the highest reputation since 06/05/2019 in all areas

  1. 3 points
    This is a post I've been meaning to write for a while, because I see so many people struggling with their feelings, and with how the world will/is responding. And I too struggled for years, and thought the idea of being with my cousin was impossible, and thought that if we were together, if by some chance he felt about me the way I felt about him, things would be impossibly hard. We've been married for about two months now. At the very least, members of our family(ies) accept us, and some of them are very happy we're together. Our friends all know and accept us. We are very lucky, and our world is not going to be what everyone gets, but I've learned that there are some advantages to cousin relationships that most relationships don't have, and I want to share that, because I think a lot of you don't know that, and are scared and confused, and I want you to know that not only are cousin relationships NOT impossible, but there are some things that make them special. So, for one thing. If/when your family accepts your relationship, here's a big plus: you are both invested in the same people. When our mutual grandmother (she just turned 87 and lives by herself) needs help, we are both right there to do everything we can. If one of us is more available than the other, that person spends the night at her house. If she's not feeding herself right, we both remind her of that, and if one of us decides to buy her nutritional supplements out of our grocery fund, the other one is happy about that. This is our family. We take care of them, and we both know why, and we both agree on that. Related, if there is a disagreement in the family, we send in the one of us who is best positioned to handle it. So, my husband/cousin's mother's husband (no relation to either of us) emailed the family saying he thought we should all come together and force our grandmother (again, no relation of his) into assisted living. And we talked about how to respond, and in that case my husband/cousin handled it beautifully. And I'm the one who calls our grandmother at least once a week, and tells her we both love her, and checks in on how she's doing, because I'm better on the phone. All of the above is about family, which is really important. But the personal is even more important. My husband/cousin and I saw each other a couple of times a year when we were kids. We didn't see each other for about ten years from adolescence to adulthood. After that, we saw each other again about twice a year, until I moved close to him and things got complicated. But at that point, I already knew him. I'd known him my whole life. We always talked freely about our relationships to each other. I watched him be a father to another woman's three girls, who weren't his, until she made it impossible for him. I knew what he would be like in a relationship before I was ever with him. I knew his strengths, and his flaws, just as he knew mine. And I knew that his strengths were exactly what I needed, and I knew that I complimented his flaws. I walked into this relationship knowing exactly what I was walking into, and loving him for who he is. To me, that's the most powerful potential about a cousin relationship. That you can know the other person, so well, on other terms, before you become romantically involved or commit to them. That's not something most people get to have. Anyone who reads this and is struck by it, or anyone who is struggling with the possibility of a cousin relationship, please feel free to respond here, or to message me directly. And for those of you who are in happy cousin relationships: anything to add?
  2. 2 points
    My advice is to immediately invite him to stay at your house! HUGS Nat
  3. 2 points
    I feel Dr. Phil was very rude to this couple. I hope they are keeping strong, and anyone else Dr.phil discouraged.
  4. 2 points
    An 8 year old who has a fabulous relationship with the father - the ex is going to lose!!!! There are going to be lots of people feeling very jealous of your happiness and some of them may be relatives. LOL So please keep us aware of how things are going. HUGS Nat
  5. 2 points
    Hubby and I, second cousins, are very happy. Married over15 years, retired for over 4, and having a great time traveling wherever we want in our RV! Life is good!
  6. 2 points
    No no no... It will only be awkward if YOU make it awkward. Guys approach/not approach while girls accept/reject. Thats our job. Lol So it is just NORMAL that you told her your feelings.. No regrets man! You just did what yiu have to do rather than have those regrets in the future. Own it like a man and chuck it to your arsenal of experience. You did the right thing. Seriously! ? Approach the next cute girl you meet man, make friends with her and interact and be social and it will do you wonders, man. ? Pooch
  7. 2 points
    the thing is, he had the ability to have a genetic specialist on there, and he CHOSE instead to have someone who would give slanted and inaccurate information. that was not by accident. it was totally intentional.
  8. 2 points
    What is it with you guys that just want to have sex with your cousin!!!! Do you not think enough of these young ladies to either have a REAL relationship with them and treat them as they should be treated or are you just STUPID enough to think that they think you are the BEST thing in the world to come their way??????? Honestly I may be old, but if I were either of your cousins I would kick you to the curb, and be HIGHLY insulted that you think so lowly of me! Maybe it is time to mature in your thinking, it isn't all about you.
  9. 2 points
    personally, i think his behavior sounds kinda stalker-ish. if it's all just by text and social media, then i don't know what can be done. but if he bothers you in person or at your home or workplace, you might consider filing a restraining order.
  10. 2 points
    How old are the two of you?? He sounds really young or maybe immature. All you can do is keep repeating that your aren't interested, don't waver or give in. You don't need to feel guilty that you don't love him. If his feelings are hurt that is for him to work through, not for you to feel guilty about.
  11. 2 points
    have you spent time personally studying scripture on the subject and getting real with God in prayer over this to seek His will? because if you have, and you have peace about this, then that's the only "opinion" that counts. and if those you go to church with know you to be sincere in your walk with God, then that should be enough for them. once upon a time we had a cafe press store for this site. we had a couple of cute little items that said "if God is our judge, the get out of His seat!"
  12. 2 points
    here's the thing, too. and i don't know if your mom is a woman who lives her faith or just gives it lip service, so i'm not criticizing her specifically. but in general, people who don't stand up for God's law when it comes to other issues don't have the right to use the Bible to point fingers. especially since their fingers don't know what the Bible says to begin with.
  13. 2 points
    LOL those next verses aren't examples. they are the definitive list defining close kin. but unfortunately getting people to change their minds and believe that is easier said than done.
  14. 1 point
    I will try to pop in more often. I miss the site's camaraderie too.
  15. 1 point
    well done guys I listened to them
  16. 1 point
    What do you guys do to have fun or for hobbies? I used to love to fish and prospect for gold. Fishing now seems a bit boring for a nondrinker. Also, I'm realizing, after 20-some years of marriage, how self-centered I am. I would especially like suggestions of things my wife might enjoy. Wife loves Rollercoasters. I believe in self-preservation. She does not hence a small dilemma. I'm thinking of taking her to one of those zip line outfits. Anyone done this? Also does a broken neck actually hurt as bad as it sounds?
  17. 1 point
    Been along time since I stopped by. Judy went home 8 years ago which I believe was the last time I stopped by. Praying all is going well with everyone. Have a very merry Christmas!
  18. 1 point
    If anyone is having any problems, please close the cc.com browser tab and clear your browser's cache. This should fix most problems. I had to do it.
  19. 1 point
    All done! Sorry I had to restart the server (making the website disappear for a moment). And sorry it took so long! What? An hour? I had to update several modules... tedious work! It appears that the forum is working properly. The main page has some problems but I will fix it. For you nerds, here are the specs of the new dedicated server: Intel Xeon E3-1240 V3 4x 3.30 GHz / 8 Threads32 GB RAM1 TB Enterprise SSD20 TB Monthly Transfer1Gbps Network Port I got a great deal (I think), so I can't complain. Even got them to upgrade the CPU and replace a 500 GB with 1 TB SSD! These people are like the phone company, one day late with the payment and they turn us off. 7 days they repo the server.
  20. 1 point
    20-some years plus a few years before we came out. We were so young it's like we have been together forever. Her brother actually says that, "you guys have been together forever."
  21. 1 point
    It reminds me of the chapter of Job. God had the devil take everything from Job, but Job stayed faithful to God, and ultimately, was rewarded by God. God sometimes sends us challenges to, not only test us, but also strengthen us. Think of some of the challenges we face as a workout to beef up our muscles ?
  22. 1 point
    I am so frustrated that this Stigma of falling in love with a first cousin, makes it so we can’t just fall in love and be happy. There has got to be a way for us to be happy and not have this over our heads.
  23. 1 point
    As KC perfectly sums up Leviticus 18, it is about who you can and cannot marry. At first, when you read Leviticus 18:6, you will automatically think that you are not to approach any of kin for marriage. But when you read further, you realize that the bible specifies which kin you could not marry. Based from Leviticus 18, you cannot marry your father, mother, brother, sister, uncle, aunt, niece, nephew, daughter-in law, son-in law and so forth. However, when you scroll through the list, you then see that cousins are not on the list, meaning that God allows the marriage of cousins, explaining why many in the bible married their cousins. Now, let's say you are a Christian and meet a cousin and the two of you fall in love - what is next? You need to take a look at man's laws in regards to cousin marriage. As Romans 13:1 (NIV) states, 13 "Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God." Every country has their laws for cousin marriages. For the U.S., many states have restrictions with 1st cousin marriages, but with 2nd cousin marriages and above, they are legal in all 50 states. Always check your state's laws and or consult an attorney when getting specific advice about marriage with your cousin. I am pretty sure for many, your family and relatives finding out about your relationship may cause major issues and rifts. However, if you, your cousin and your families are Christians, a marriage between you and your cousin should technically not be a problem. But realistically, because people are still tied to the ways and cultures of the world, most would look at cousin marriages as odd or even vile. But just remember, as Christians, our most important question is: What does God think about it? As Matthew 6:33 (NIV) states, 33 "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
  24. 1 point
    I will also quote the King James Version (KJV) as well: 6 None of you shall approach to any that is near of kin to him, to uncover their nakedness: I am the Lord. 7 The nakedness of thy father, or the nakedness of thy mother, shalt thou not uncover: she is thy mother; thou shalt not uncover her nakedness. 8 The nakedness of thy father's wife shalt thou not uncover: it is thy father's nakedness. 9 The nakedness of thy sister, the daughter of thy father, or daughter of thy mother, whether she be born at home, or born abroad, even their nakedness thou shalt not uncover. 10 The nakedness of thy son's daughter, or of thy daughter's daughter, even their nakedness thou shalt not uncover: for theirs is thine own nakedness. 11 The nakedness of thy father's wife's daughter, begotten of thy father, she is thy sister, thou shalt not uncover her nakedness. 12 Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy father's sister: she is thy father's near kinswoman. 13 Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy mother's sister: for she is thy mother's near kinswoman. 14 Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy father's brother, thou shalt not approach to his wife: she is thine aunt. 15 Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy daughter in law: she is thy son's wife; thou shalt not uncover her nakedness. 16 Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy brother's wife: it is thy brother's nakedness. 17 Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of a woman and her daughter, neither shalt thou take her son's daughter, or her daughter's daughter, to uncover her nakedness; for they are her near kinswomen: it is wickedness. 18 Neither shalt thou take a wife to her sister, to vex her, to uncover her nakedness, beside the other in her life time. 19 Also thou shalt not approach unto a woman to uncover her nakedness, as long as she is put apart for her uncleanness. 20 Moreover thou shalt not lie carnally with thy neighbour's wife, to defile thyself with her. 21 And thou shalt not let any of thy seed pass through the fire to Molech, neither shalt thou profane the name of thy God: I am the Lord. I am in full agreement with KC ?. Unlike the laws of man, God's laws remain the same and do not change. When in doubt, seek God first. Seek Him and read his Word. Only then will truth, knowledge and wisdom come to you. I hope this thread helps out other Christians that are having troubles or issues in regards to this topic.
  25. 1 point
    Nobody thought of cousins as "close kin" in those days. The OT stories are full of people who married a cousin, and Jacob even married two -- Rachel and Leah. While these marriages were pre-Leviticus, the Jews were known to have a first-cousin marriage preference. So, the cousin part is certainly not any kind of problem, it was business as usual. God even instructed Jacob to go find a mate(s) from his father's side of the family. If we don't believe that God had foreknowledge of how smitten Jacob would be with his cousin, when we do not understand the God of the Bible. Nothing takes God by surprise. If we go back to the beginning, God is there. If we go to the end, God is already there waiting on us. He is omniscient and omnipresent and other big words that I am forgetting. He is not limited by mere physics because it was He who wrote E=MC2, not the other way around.
  26. 1 point
    LOL well my fave is the gum on the shoe one. i HATE stepping in gum!!! the site looks nice, KC. really. and great prices!
  27. 1 point
  28. 1 point
    Read information on this website about how to deal with relatives about your cousin-marriage, and see if that helps. There are items posted at the top of some of the forums that you might find useful, as well as other places on the website. Good luck.
  29. 1 point
    Wow that is uncomfortable. Shouldn't your sister have warned you before inviting someone like that over for 2 weeks? Ok, take a deep breath. Just don't make a fool of yourself. Don't get too friendly with the cuz. The ball is clearly in her court. Don't overthink anything; you will wear yourself out. Don't talk yourself into doing anything stupid. I doubt she feels any differently toward you now. I'm not certain that you can "heal" a chemistry that is simply not there as far as she is concerned. Grab a fishing pole, a shotgun and go camping/hunting next week.
  30. 1 point
    In the beginning, Google Chrome raised the bar on web browsers. They were the first one to come out with svg support and multi-threaded Javascript. I was on board with Chrome for a few years. However, given the nature of Google's business model (much like Facebook's), they are the envy of intelligence agencies around the world. Read this. I have personally been moving away from all things Google for the past few years and I have found an excellent browser, Brave, (built by the guy who invented Javascript) which is excellent. It give the user precise control over intrusive ads, trackers and fingerprinting. You can also turn off scripts, but don't. If you need to turn off scripts, you are at the wrong website! It is also compatible with Google Chrome plugins (extensions) and it imports your bookmarks easily. It's Chrome without the spyware; in fact, it has the best security features built-in of any browser. The Brave Browser is based upon the same framework as Google Chrome or as I like to call it, Gugl Khrom. You can also get paid for browsing the web and even tip some of the websites that you visit often. It allows a few ads to slip through and actually pays you for your time. This is a much better business model than the free software like Google. If the software is free, then you are the product. Please give Brave a try. I've been using it for 3 months and I love love love it. Can you tell that I love this browser? Try it for a week. Be Brave.
  31. 1 point
    It is important to find out whether he has a girlfriend or not. That's the first step. After you find that out, come back here to update us and let us know. Pooch
  32. 1 point
    I see her every few months. Thank you, Pooch.
  33. 1 point
    I wasn’t able to watch the show but seeing some of the clips had me coming back here. (No internet & format from my phone is different & I’ll have to get used to.) Anyway, my 1st & only child (so far) is 5 & starting Kindergarten next week. He is the love of my life besides his father, my 1st cousin. He’s smart, sassy, witty, & so handsome!! When we got pregnant w him, we had already had 2 miscarriages. I thought I’d never get to have my dream of having children. I also want to say that I don’t believe my miscarriages were due to us being cousins. I had just gotten off the pill after being on it MANY, MANY years. Lost twins ([email protected] 8wks & the other @ 10wks). Lost another & then got pregnant w my rainbow baby. I didn’t tell any of my friends or family until almost 1/2 way through my pregnancy. I was worried about Down syndrome & possible other birth defects that are concerns for 1st cousins having babies, but I felt like the chances of my rainbow baby having @ least one of these was greater due to my age. I was 41 when I got pregnant w him & 42 when I had him on his due date. Besides his attitude (sometimes), he may have a slight stigmatism but he’s PERFECT!!
  34. 1 point
    I see. 3 years older you say? I think that's an ideal age gap. U guys are in your mid-20s, or what? How old are you guys? Anyways, half an hour distance is not too far... Pooch
  35. 1 point
    Question: Does she have a boyfriend? If you say no, how do you know? Pooch
  36. 1 point
    please note that the last post was entered over ONE YEAR ago
  37. 1 point
    The military will never know or will they ask. There are no laws (USA) that we are aware of that would prohibit 3rd cousin marriage. The only people that will know are the ones you choose to tell. It is your business. Married to my second cousin for 15 years now. He is retired military.
  38. 1 point
    You should leave her alone. She has a boyfriend. There is no way for us to know if you are discerning too much into these little things. If you want to test the waters you could reminiscence about the past and ask her, "Would you ever really date me if we weren't cousins?" and then see where the conversation leads
  39. 1 point
    If you are wanting more than a friendship with her, that should be out of the question, you are both married and that means hands off for both of you.. There is no need to tell her of your feelings because of the afore mentioned reason.
  40. 1 point
    They are bluffing. There is no grounds for "throwing you into a mental institute". As for the shunning - maybe they will. But you can't control their behavior. You are in a a pickle as far as financial aid goes. You can declare yourself independent from your family - if you want/can to go down that road. This is how I see things: You are willing to draw the line in the sand for a young man who is joining the military and whom you won't get to see very much over the next 4 years; you will have school obligations and he will have military obligations. If you were one of my daughter (my daughters are college age), I would advise you to stay open to dating during the college years. You are young and you have no idea what the next 4 years may bring. If this romance with your distant cousin is meant to be, it will weather the separation. But you do realize that the odds are against the two of you? I don't say that to be pessimistic - only realistic. Keeping a relationship secret is not easy and not fun. If you can avoid it, I would encourage you to do so.
  41. 1 point
    We are second cousins, married 15 years. No problems with family, except for a few comments in fun. We just don't announce it to the world. It isn't any of business of others unless we want them to know. I'm not sure what you are struggling with, but if you have been married that long, something must be working. Did your families have any problem with your relationship? Personally speaking, you may be borrowing trouble where there is none. Because the Utah couple chose to be so public, doesn't mean you have too. Of course many of those cruel/mean comments that are made toward them are behind the anonymity of the internet and very well might not be so cruel/mean in a face to face situation. Also most of them are not aware of the state laws and biblical recognition of cousin couple relationships. They speak from ignorance of the correct information. Don't let the negativity integrate into your relationship. At the end of the day they get no say in your life. Best wishes as you work through our struggles.
  42. 1 point
    You wrote: "At a recent family reunion, I asked about the first wife and the coincidence in her having the same name as I do. This sent him off the rails , in a spitting nails fit of cruelty and rage, directed at me." I would be concerned about his reaction. I've known people who go nuts over a simple question. He may be a very abusive person, who does not communicate effectively. That should be your main concern. The rest of what you've written, just sounds like this is all your perspective, and none of it his perspective towards you. Going by what you've written, I would NOT pursue a relationship with him.
  43. 1 point
    I see... Then its time for a stronger dosage. A harder "No stop it" that will repel him must be done. Otherwise he just wont stop because he couldn't stop. If we like a girl so much, I believe, we need those stronger dosage of rejection --- you know? Make it along the lines of "Hey, what the f---. I am sorry. Please stop. I already said "No" and that's my decision. Stop talking to me". A firm response like that will not drive him away though. But it will make him stop and will be repelled because you are stern this time. He will be afraid of losing you if he continues making advances; hence it will die down. Dont be afraid of losing your cousin though (in the sense of his presence)....coz you wont. But it will make the job done (him stopping these advances). Pooch
  44. 1 point
    You did the right thing. Sounds like he is acting impulsively as a reaction to the end of his last relationship. Always better to wait long, than marry wrong. he will see this in time and forget about it eventually.
  45. 1 point
    Be upfront and honest and true to yourself.
  46. 1 point
    I think you fellas might be being a bit harsh here. Obviously there is additional risk in this kind of relationship at the onset that makes people unsure so all you need to add to that is a fairly moderate level of female insecurity and it gets hard to see the forest for the trees for most men. It’s not easy to put yourself out there like that and without being able to see a persons response it’s even harder. I’m imagining you are getting these declarations in emails and in a different time zone so by the time you read it, work through your own stuff and are ready to respond she’s panicked and feels rejected and pathetic. It’s a very real possibility she doesn’t know how you feel but maybe senses it then talks herself out of it thinking she is imagining it. Irrespective of the current status I would tell her you feel it too. Maybe it doesn’t go anywhere, maybe it opens up a conversation you need to have, maybe it’s to best thing you ever do. They are all better outcomes than maybe I should have said something once it’s too late. we (women) are basically all a bit crazy in love so if you think you have found one that isn’t, it probably just means she a better liar. That’s much worse. Be that strong man KC and Pooch are talking about, channel your inner Billy Joel and tell her about it I say.
  47. 1 point
    The divorce may be influencing the children's reaction. If his wife is narcissistic, or not, she may be doing some parent-alienation and telling the kids how terrible the father is, and she might do that no matter who he was involved with. They may well disown the father until they want some money, and then they might try to guilt him to get it. I think the family dynamics here is a bigger force in this situation than the cousin-romance. The father might want to talk to a therapist about how to handle this situation. Certainly a cousin-romance makes the situation worse, but I have a sneaking suspicion that things wouldn't be too much different, if he was not with his cousin. Best of luck.
  48. 1 point
    I love to fish and bow hunt. I make all my own archery tackle, and even hunt with stone points where legal. I don't drink either, having quit nearly 30 years ago in my mid 20's, but I still find fishing to be a great source of pleasure. Most of the fishing I do is either ocean fishing or winter steelhead fishing, and neither are good places to be wandering, or boating around drunk. You could end up dead pretty quick :) I would not call it "fun", and certainly not recreation, but the greatest source of peace and joy in my life is my spiritual life and practices. I am a traditionalist native, and practice the old ways of my people. Sweat lodge, the sacred pipe, and our Sundance. Although I am not a Native American Church member, I will attend at times when a friend or relative asks me to come for support.
  49. 1 point
    evongelo, you bring up some interesting points... and i'd like to put some of my own thoughts to each of your points. not sure this is the right time since i need to mow the lawn before it rains today since i'm going out of town for a week.... but i'll at least start. yes... but.... remember the pharisees and sadducees? i think many, many preachers and evangelists today are very similar to those religious leaders of the past. so while i hear what you're saying, it happened back then, too. a LOT. you're absolutely right though. a preacher (or anybody for that matter) is just human and their theological word should never be taken as truth by anyone else, just because they think the preacher is more knowledgable and has degrees and what-not. the best preachers will even tell you that straight up! they'll tell you that scripture says we must be as the bereans, studying the word of God to see if what is being preached is God's word or man's word. God makes His word accessible to anyone who seeks it. no pastor, theologian, evangelist, or blow-hard on a christian message board has any more of a direct line to God than the hooker on the street corner. a fancy education and elocution lessons don't make a person "right". anyone who seeks God's truth can find it. the Bible is His word revealed to us... some of it is confusing, of course, but that which is a mystery is JUST as big a mystery to the learned as to the unlearned. those are the issues that churches kinda get divided on, and why there is so much doctrinal debate. but the core gospel, what God wants us to understand here and now, is indisputable. that's not to say a lot of people won't TRY to dispute us. God says there will be a great falling away. the church will become apostate. this really isn't anything new, though. history is always repeating itself and we can see examples of this apostacy all through scripture. and we can certainly see it in today's "church". i use that term collectively. the church i attend is one that teaches line by line, verse by verse, chapter by chapter. i like that method of teaching a lot. but i'm not afraid to question my pastor if i think what he says is incorrect. that hasn't happened with my current pastor, but i've only been at this church for a few months. my last church though, i had many discussions with the pastor there on things i didn't think were right. the discussions were really great ones! and sometimes i'd have to concede that he was right. other times, he conceded he was wrong. but he was the kind of preacher that encouraged us to come to him if we thought he was in error. i will never go to a church where i feel i am not welcome to do that. i've seen people here say they couldn't get married because their pastor was un-budging on the subject. that's really sad. no pastor is above the word of God.
  50. 1 point
    Woy! Taimis! Mabuti naman.. Mabuti.. Tuloy, tuloy.. Welcome po kayo..hehe. dapat magpapakilala tayo isa-isa. Umpisahan ko nga. hehe. Ako po si Pooch. Tubong Marikina, laking Paranaque. Inlab sa pinsan, nagtataka kung ba't "di pwede". Itinanim sa kukote, kadugo ko ang sabi-sabi Ako'y naturete kasi ang tawagan namin ay 'baby'. Minsan mapait ang buhay pero kailangang lampasan Binigay ng Maykapal kaya tanggapin na lamang. Iniaalay ng tula... sa inyo'y kamusta'y wagas. May pag-asa kami ng mahal ko, para sa magandang bukas... Pooch


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