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Showing content with the highest reputation since 04/07/2019 in Posts

  1. 4 points
    This is a post I've been meaning to write for a while, because I see so many people struggling with their feelings, and with how the world will/is responding. And I too struggled for years, and thought the idea of being with my cousin was impossible, and thought that if we were together, if by some chance he felt about me the way I felt about him, things would be impossibly hard. We've been married for about two months now. At the very least, members of our family(ies) accept us, and some of them are very happy we're together. Our friends all know and accept us. We are very lucky, and our world is not going to be what everyone gets, but I've learned that there are some advantages to cousin relationships that most relationships don't have, and I want to share that, because I think a lot of you don't know that, and are scared and confused, and I want you to know that not only are cousin relationships NOT impossible, but there are some things that make them special. So, for one thing. If/when your family accepts your relationship, here's a big plus: you are both invested in the same people. When our mutual grandmother (she just turned 87 and lives by herself) needs help, we are both right there to do everything we can. If one of us is more available than the other, that person spends the night at her house. If she's not feeding herself right, we both remind her of that, and if one of us decides to buy her nutritional supplements out of our grocery fund, the other one is happy about that. This is our family. We take care of them, and we both know why, and we both agree on that. Related, if there is a disagreement in the family, we send in the one of us who is best positioned to handle it. So, my husband/cousin's mother's husband (no relation to either of us) emailed the family saying he thought we should all come together and force our grandmother (again, no relation of his) into assisted living. And we talked about how to respond, and in that case my husband/cousin handled it beautifully. And I'm the one who calls our grandmother at least once a week, and tells her we both love her, and checks in on how she's doing, because I'm better on the phone. All of the above is about family, which is really important. But the personal is even more important. My husband/cousin and I saw each other a couple of times a year when we were kids. We didn't see each other for about ten years from adolescence to adulthood. After that, we saw each other again about twice a year, until I moved close to him and things got complicated. But at that point, I already knew him. I'd known him my whole life. We always talked freely about our relationships to each other. I watched him be a father to another woman's three girls, who weren't his, until she made it impossible for him. I knew what he would be like in a relationship before I was ever with him. I knew his strengths, and his flaws, just as he knew mine. And I knew that his strengths were exactly what I needed, and I knew that I complimented his flaws. I walked into this relationship knowing exactly what I was walking into, and loving him for who he is. To me, that's the most powerful potential about a cousin relationship. That you can know the other person, so well, on other terms, before you become romantically involved or commit to them. That's not something most people get to have. Anyone who reads this and is struck by it, or anyone who is struggling with the possibility of a cousin relationship, please feel free to respond here, or to message me directly. And for those of you who are in happy cousin relationships: anything to add?
  2. 2 points
    My advice is to immediately invite him to stay at your house! HUGS Nat
  3. 2 points
    I feel Dr. Phil was very rude to this couple. I hope they are keeping strong, and anyone else Dr.phil discouraged.
  4. 2 points
    An 8 year old who has a fabulous relationship with the father - the ex is going to lose!!!! There are going to be lots of people feeling very jealous of your happiness and some of them may be relatives. LOL So please keep us aware of how things are going. HUGS Nat
  5. 2 points
    Hubby and I, second cousins, are very happy. Married over15 years, retired for over 4, and having a great time traveling wherever we want in our RV! Life is good!
  6. 2 points
    No no no... It will only be awkward if YOU make it awkward. Guys approach/not approach while girls accept/reject. Thats our job. Lol So it is just NORMAL that you told her your feelings.. No regrets man! You just did what yiu have to do rather than have those regrets in the future. Own it like a man and chuck it to your arsenal of experience. You did the right thing. Seriously! ? Approach the next cute girl you meet man, make friends with her and interact and be social and it will do you wonders, man. ? Pooch
  7. 2 points
    the thing is, he had the ability to have a genetic specialist on there, and he CHOSE instead to have someone who would give slanted and inaccurate information. that was not by accident. it was totally intentional.
  8. 2 points
    What is it with you guys that just want to have sex with your cousin!!!! Do you not think enough of these young ladies to either have a REAL relationship with them and treat them as they should be treated or are you just STUPID enough to think that they think you are the BEST thing in the world to come their way??????? Honestly I may be old, but if I were either of your cousins I would kick you to the curb, and be HIGHLY insulted that you think so lowly of me! Maybe it is time to mature in your thinking, it isn't all about you.
  9. 2 points
    personally, i think his behavior sounds kinda stalker-ish. if it's all just by text and social media, then i don't know what can be done. but if he bothers you in person or at your home or workplace, you might consider filing a restraining order.
  10. 2 points
    How old are the two of you?? He sounds really young or maybe immature. All you can do is keep repeating that your aren't interested, don't waver or give in. You don't need to feel guilty that you don't love him. If his feelings are hurt that is for him to work through, not for you to feel guilty about.
  11. 2 points
    Hey Zachary, personally, I was the exact same way. I was attracted to my second cousin from the second we first reconnected. He always acted as though he was attracted to me as well. But, when I found out we were cousins I completely shut the idea out of my head. I was scared. I was scared of what people would say. Scared of losing friends. Scared of how the family would react. It took me getting in a relationship, and getting engaged to that abusive piece of trash to finally came around. Charles gave me the courage to leave. He was always there for me. It took that expierence for my sister to come to me and (although he had told me) tell me that genetic wise we would be fine and that I shouldn’t care what people think and say. It took her telling me that it wasn’t illegal in our state. It took seeing that no matter what, he was always going to be there for me. I don’t know if you’ve tried it yet or not but try going about it at the way of just showing her, it’s okay. Now, Charles and I have now been together for 9 months, he has started talking about the future... but... the only people who know we are together is my mother, sister, brother in law, niece and nephew, and a few of our friends. We have yet to take the leap and become public (his wanting... I want to scream it from the rooftop) hope i helped.
  12. 2 points
    have you spent time personally studying scripture on the subject and getting real with God in prayer over this to seek His will? because if you have, and you have peace about this, then that's the only "opinion" that counts. and if those you go to church with know you to be sincere in your walk with God, then that should be enough for them. once upon a time we had a cafe press store for this site. we had a couple of cute little items that said "if God is our judge, the get out of His seat!"
  13. 2 points
    here's the thing, too. and i don't know if your mom is a woman who lives her faith or just gives it lip service, so i'm not criticizing her specifically. but in general, people who don't stand up for God's law when it comes to other issues don't have the right to use the Bible to point fingers. especially since their fingers don't know what the Bible says to begin with.
  14. 2 points
    LOL those next verses aren't examples. they are the definitive list defining close kin. but unfortunately getting people to change their minds and believe that is easier said than done.
  15. 1 point
    What do you guys do to have fun or for hobbies? I used to love to fish and prospect for gold. Fishing now seems a bit boring for a nondrinker. Also, I'm realizing, after 20-some years of marriage, how self-centered I am. I would especially like suggestions of things my wife might enjoy. Wife loves Rollercoasters. I believe in self-preservation. She does not hence a small dilemma. I'm thinking of taking her to one of those zip line outfits. Anyone done this? Also does a broken neck actually hurt as bad as it sounds?
  16. 1 point
    .. You can always work. That seems to be all I'm doing at the moment. Not fun for a significant other but hey, money. 😂😂
  17. 1 point
    Been along time since I stopped by. Judy went home 8 years ago which I believe was the last time I stopped by. Praying all is going well with everyone. Have a very merry Christmas!
  18. 1 point
    /welcome! We are glad you are finding us helpful. Do feel free to share with us any of your questions and concerns. HUGS Nat
  19. 1 point
    According to Forbidden Relatives (in our store), miscarriages among cousins were lower then the general population. They assume it's because the parent't blood chemistry is more similar. Not too little or to much. Here is what I would do. Forget the doctors. Go see someone from the National Society of Genetic Counselors. They will look a little bit into your background and order the appropriate genetic tests. If I had the money I would do that. In the end they can only give you a percentage. What threshold would change your mind about having kids? What about a 10 percent chance of having a baby with a birth defect. Would that change your mind? Some people (not cousins) may have a 50/50 chance. Now that is gut-wrenching agony. So maybe it's a waste of resources to see a counselor of genetics. It's like I told my doctor once that I was going to buy a blood pressure monitor. He asked why, "If your pressure is high, there isn't anything you can do about it." He saw everything bass-askwards, but there is some wisdom in that. Maybe you should stop looking for cause and effect and just try again.
  20. 1 point
    I am sorry to hear about your divorce, KC. If your cousin/wife has been a large source of negativity on your life, then it's a good thing that you are separating yourself from her. Surround yourself with good people that can help you become better and stronger! Also, seeing that you are a fellow, Christian, seek God as well! Ask Him in what direction He wants you to take.
  21. 1 point
    I am so frustrated that this Stigma of falling in love with a first cousin, makes it so we can’t just fall in love and be happy. There has got to be a way for us to be happy and not have this over our heads.
  22. 1 point
    You will tire of the secrecy. Get it out in the open to your family if the two of you are serious about trying to make this work. There is a pinned article about talking to your family about your cousin relationship; read it and modify it for your own needs.
  23. 1 point
    Thank you so much for responding!
  24. 1 point
    Nobody thought of cousins as "close kin" in those days. The OT stories are full of people who married a cousin, and Jacob even married two -- Rachel and Leah. While these marriages were pre-Leviticus, the Jews were known to have a first-cousin marriage preference. So, the cousin part is certainly not any kind of problem, it was business as usual. God even instructed Jacob to go find a mate(s) from his father's side of the family. If we don't believe that God had foreknowledge of how smitten Jacob would be with his cousin, when we do not understand the God of the Bible. Nothing takes God by surprise. If we go back to the beginning, God is there. If we go to the end, God is already there waiting on us. He is omniscient and omnipresent and other big words that I am forgetting. He is not limited by mere physics because it was He who wrote E=MC2, not the other way around.
  25. 1 point
    i have 2 daughters from a previous marriage. they were 11 and 12 when mark and i married, and they were pretty good with it. we went way, way public with our relationship.... not long after we got married we went on a talk show... the first of many media appearances discussing the topic. my girls kinda became little celebrities in our tiny town as a result. they got a little ribbing, but also discovered that a couple of their friends (who were siblings) were the biological children of cousins.... and that my oldest daughter's best friend at the time, whose father performed our wedding, was the granddaughter of first cousins. so really it was not a big negative in their lives. bullies move on when they don't get the desired reaction from their targets, and my girls didn't give the expected reaction. now, however, we tend to stay lower key. we're no longer out to change the world, and the girls (who are now in their 30s with kids of their own) are glad not to have to explain the facts of life to their peers. mark and i tell very few people these days, although every pastor of every church we've belonged to has been aware, and we always share the info with any friends we become close to. but no more media coverage, and we don't advertise it on social media either.
  26. 1 point
    First of all - take several very deep breaths and RELAX! This is a new relationship and you need to take time to figure it all out. You aren't teens so you can make your own decisions. If the families have problems they are their problems - not yours. The one thing that is most important, in my opinion, is his small child. How old is the child? That problem can be handled as well. Don't give in to fear and risk losing happiness. We are here to support and encourage you. HUGS Nat
  27. 1 point
    mark and i are first cousins once removed. we will be celebrating our 21st wedding anniversary on new year's day. yes, we're still happy... it's kinda like fine wine i guess, the more we age, the better we get
  28. 1 point
    Learn the cousin-marriage facts as on this website, and show them to him. Tell him that God is okay with cousin-marriage, as noted in the Book of Leviticus. Huggsss to you, I know it's hard. Hang in there. Ambra
  29. 1 point
    Wow that is uncomfortable. Shouldn't your sister have warned you before inviting someone like that over for 2 weeks? Ok, take a deep breath. Just don't make a fool of yourself. Don't get too friendly with the cuz. The ball is clearly in her court. Don't overthink anything; you will wear yourself out. Don't talk yourself into doing anything stupid. I doubt she feels any differently toward you now. I'm not certain that you can "heal" a chemistry that is simply not there as far as she is concerned. Grab a fishing pole, a shotgun and go camping/hunting next week.
  30. 1 point
    In the beginning, Google Chrome raised the bar on web browsers. They were the first one to come out with svg support and multi-threaded Javascript. I was on board with Chrome for a few years. However, given the nature of Google's business model (much like Facebook's), they are the envy of intelligence agencies around the world. Read this. I have personally been moving away from all things Google for the past few years and I have found an excellent browser, Brave, (built by the guy who invented Javascript) which is excellent. It give the user precise control over intrusive ads, trackers and fingerprinting. You can also turn off scripts, but don't. If you need to turn off scripts, you are at the wrong website! It is also compatible with Google Chrome plugins (extensions) and it imports your bookmarks easily. It's Chrome without the spyware; in fact, it has the best security features built-in of any browser. The Brave Browser is based upon the same framework as Google Chrome or as I like to call it, Gugl Khrom. You can also get paid for browsing the web and even tip some of the websites that you visit often. It allows a few ads to slip through and actually pays you for your time. This is a much better business model than the free software like Google. If the software is free, then you are the product. Please give Brave a try. I've been using it for 3 months and I love love love it. Can you tell that I love this browser? Try it for a week. Be Brave.
  31. 1 point
    I see her every few months. Thank you, Pooch.
  32. 1 point
    I see. How long have you had this feeling though? Pooch
  33. 1 point
    I wasn’t able to watch the show but seeing some of the clips had me coming back here. (No internet & format from my phone is different & I’ll have to get used to.) Anyway, my 1st & only child (so far) is 5 & starting Kindergarten next week. He is the love of my life besides his father, my 1st cousin. He’s smart, sassy, witty, & so handsome!! When we got pregnant w him, we had already had 2 miscarriages. I thought I’d never get to have my dream of having children. I also want to say that I don’t believe my miscarriages were due to us being cousins. I had just gotten off the pill after being on it MANY, MANY years. Lost twins ([email protected] 8wks & the other @ 10wks). Lost another & then got pregnant w my rainbow baby. I didn’t tell any of my friends or family until almost 1/2 way through my pregnancy. I was worried about Down syndrome & possible other birth defects that are concerns for 1st cousins having babies, but I felt like the chances of my rainbow baby having @ least one of these was greater due to my age. I was 41 when I got pregnant w him & 42 when I had him on his due date. Besides his attitude (sometimes), he may have a slight stigmatism but he’s PERFECT!!
  34. 1 point
    please note that the last post was entered over ONE YEAR ago
  35. 1 point
    You should leave her alone. She has a boyfriend. There is no way for us to know if you are discerning too much into these little things. If you want to test the waters you could reminiscence about the past and ask her, "Would you ever really date me if we weren't cousins?" and then see where the conversation leads
  36. 1 point
    If you are wanting more than a friendship with her, that should be out of the question, you are both married and that means hands off for both of you.. There is no need to tell her of your feelings because of the afore mentioned reason.
  37. 1 point
    I figured as much. And I did invite him but financially I'm in a rough spot so it's not possible. And yes I'm not looking for anything romantic at the moment. Purely sexual.
  38. 1 point
    I was extemely unhappy with Dr.Phil. Long time fan here that no longer watches. In fact I make sure to put it on regular daytime tv to give someone else ratings lol. I feel like he has forgotten his purpose. Now its just about putting people down to get ratings instead of building people up and helping them. I dont think people go into coucling to tear people down. Really sad and it isnt just this couple. She was very manipulative with her wording and numbers. Also he had none of her family on there that accept them just the bitter lady who clearly always has to be right. Oh I wosh he had a genetic specialist on there to shut her arse down. Hopefully people are smart enough to do their own research. Yes using google because thats how we resesrch things these days!
  39. 1 point
    You wrote: "At a recent family reunion, I asked about the first wife and the coincidence in her having the same name as I do. This sent him off the rails , in a spitting nails fit of cruelty and rage, directed at me." I would be concerned about his reaction. I've known people who go nuts over a simple question. He may be a very abusive person, who does not communicate effectively. That should be your main concern. The rest of what you've written, just sounds like this is all your perspective, and none of it his perspective towards you. Going by what you've written, I would NOT pursue a relationship with him.
  40. 1 point
    You did the right thing. Sounds like he is acting impulsively as a reaction to the end of his last relationship. Always better to wait long, than marry wrong. he will see this in time and forget about it eventually.
  41. 1 point
    The divorce may be influencing the children's reaction. If his wife is narcissistic, or not, she may be doing some parent-alienation and telling the kids how terrible the father is, and she might do that no matter who he was involved with. They may well disown the father until they want some money, and then they might try to guilt him to get it. I think the family dynamics here is a bigger force in this situation than the cousin-romance. The father might want to talk to a therapist about how to handle this situation. Certainly a cousin-romance makes the situation worse, but I have a sneaking suspicion that things wouldn't be too much different, if he was not with his cousin. Best of luck.
  42. 1 point
    Honestly, just tell her how you feel. You will regret it if you don't act on your feelings. Most teenagers or even some people in their twenties get into relationships to explore their sexuality or even for appearances. Cousin love is one of the most intense feelings you can have. If you believe in Christianity, The Bible is also against incest relationships but it does not list cousins. I'm posting in this thread passionately because I feel like I can relate to your story pretty well. I told my second cousin I loved her when I was 17 and she was 18. Unfortunately she said I was like a brother to her and got into a relationship with another guy two weeks later. I was devastated at both instances, but I was glad to have gotten my romantic feelings off my shoulders, and I'm glad that I did so after all these years later. She also lives in another state than I do. Since I'm 25 now, I have a lot more wisdom and experience than I did 8 years ago. I've had crushes on girls in the past, but looking back, I only truly loved one woman, and that was my second cousin. I never give up hope that there might be more, but I also know that now it's in her hands whether she falls for me or not, not mine. So yeah, make sure to act on your feelings, because if you don't, you'll always be left wondering if there can ever be more for you two. Best of luck.
  43. 1 point
    Its actually good. But, the orange header colour is too bright and the yellow colour of the logo is not clearly visible.
  44. 1 point
    My dad and her grandfather are either first or second cousins what would that make me and her?
  45. 1 point
  46. 1 point
    Oh wonderful. looks like another Tyra blind side hit piece. From here on out, if I see a producer in here asking for "volunteers", I am going to reply to NOT be looking for victims here, and that they will be smacked with the banhammer if they ignore me. I am beyond sick of good people being used in these hit pieces for ratings. I'll not be a party to it, and I'll not allow our members here to be further abused by these scallywags. If you are a producer, or from a production company, consider yourself warned........ the junk yard dog is back.....?
  47. 1 point
  48. 1 point
    There's about three accounts in the Bible the show God's approval of cousincouples as long as it doesn't violate state law. Just find those scriptures and show them to your mom or other family, or whoever ask about your relationship. Regardless of what they say, remind them that this shows God's view toward cousin couples. If they still insist that it's wrong remind them that, as far as you're concerned, the Bible has the final say so and is the final Authority on all matters of life and it is the Standard that you use to determine what is right and wrong. Then ask them what do they use as a standard for determining right and wrong? Again, regardless of their answer, no standard is higher or more accurate then God's word.
  49. 1 point
    Right! People usually only use what is best suited for them (bible verses related). But if the bible is the "main reason" on - why you should not date your cousin - then there is really nothing to discuss, as it says absolutely nothing.
  50. 1 point
    Woy! Taimis! Mabuti naman.. Mabuti.. Tuloy, tuloy.. Welcome po kayo..hehe. dapat magpapakilala tayo isa-isa. Umpisahan ko nga. hehe. Ako po si Pooch. Tubong Marikina, laking Paranaque. Inlab sa pinsan, nagtataka kung ba't "di pwede". Itinanim sa kukote, kadugo ko ang sabi-sabi Ako'y naturete kasi ang tawagan namin ay 'baby'. Minsan mapait ang buhay pero kailangang lampasan Binigay ng Maykapal kaya tanggapin na lamang. Iniaalay ng tula... sa inyo'y kamusta'y wagas. May pag-asa kami ng mahal ko, para sa magandang bukas... Pooch
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