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Showing content with the highest reputation since 03/19/2018 in Posts

  1. 3 points
    I am a 41 year old mother of 4. I just joined today. I have been in a relationship, with my first cousin, for 3 years. We have a beautiful 18 month old daughter. We are soulmates. It wasn’t always this way. Our mothers are half sisters and extremely close. We were together for summers and holidays, as children. We would spend the night with each other but never had crushes or anything. We were 5 years apart, in age. (Mikel is a genius and was over my head. So even though I was 5 years older, he was definitely smarter. ) We last saw each other when I was 16 and he was 11. I moved with my father and never saw him again. I got married at 19 , had a daughter at 21 , another at 26, then had a son at 33. My marriage went down the pipes and at 38 I found my true spouse where I least expected. I actually grew up hearing horrible things about people marrying their cousins. I heard that your children would be mentally challenged or physically grotesque. Our child is beautiful, highly intelligent, Perfect and healthy. We don’t usually tell people that we are cousins. It’s not like we’re hiding it, our entire family knows. It’s just not how we introduce ourselves. No matter what, we are husband and wife. I do feel like strangers will judge us. Mikel’s idiot brother makes horrible comments about us and our child. It definitely shows how uneducated people can be and just how nasty. It will never change the fact that we belong together. Even though i was married before, I had this feeling that there was someone out there, made just for me. I felt like my life was running out and I would never find that person. I still can’t believe it was him all along. It seems so funny to me. If someone had told me this, I would have told them that they were insane. I guess true love really is where you least expect it.?❤️
  2. 3 points
    ok, you asked me to read this, and i have. and there are a couple of things here... first off, the cultural perceptions may have a lot to do with this. you're in different countries, but you give any clues as to where. if it's anywhere in western civilization, the cultural perceptions are going to be the same... doesn't matter if you're talking about australia or canada or europe or america, it's the same. but there are some cultures in the middle east that have much more positive views of cousin marriage, and then there are asian cultures that have a very dim view of cousins. if she's from an asian culture, you're unlikely to ever convince her. what exactly is it that she thinks is wrong about it? is it a genetic concern? a moral/biblical concern? or is it just the "what others will say" kind of thing? it might be that the only way to convince her is to enlist the aid of someone in the family to the case in favor of the two of you. i know, nobody knows. but you said you think many family members suspect but are not saying anything to avoid a mess. let me tell ya something. if you think they suspect, then they KNOW. and if they're not saying anything about it, it is NOT to avoid a mess. they're just respecting your privacy. seriously, people who suspect things like this and disapprove aren't going to give a second's thought to how messy it will get if THEY confront you. they're going to be in way too big a rush to get all in your face to tell you what a mess YOU are making. that's just human nature. so you need to go to one of those who suspect that you trust and admire, and that you know SHE will trust, and tell them what's going on. because it sounds to me like the only "wrong" your cousin is seeing is through what she thinks is the eyes of people she's afraid to lose. and if she can get the assurance that they aren't going to judge her, then maybe she'll start to see your relationship as right.
  3. 3 points
    Ouch, that is even painful to read. Now I can begin to see the real problems. The porn is your demon to fight; we all have them. Never trust a man who claims to be above humanity. I suggest that you set up your WiFi router to use opendns. You can set it up to block the porn websites. If that doesn't work, take your computer to the landfill or a Goodwill store You must quit living the way you are. First, you have to figure out what you want in life. Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with? If you want to stay with your cousin, you have to break the news to your family and let the cards fall where they may. If you can't do that then you should leave her. After 20 years you owe her that much.
  4. 3 points
    I just realized that we are 20 years old! This website is twenty years old. I'm not exactly sure about the month, but 20 years is a crazy long time for a website. So -- happy birthday to us! Cheers!!
  5. 3 points
    and i'm one of the old-timers too... i started hanging out here when the site was about a year old. remember the original web design? LOL. mark and i have been married for just over 19 years. here's how we've changed over the years (i would just attach screenshots if i could figure out how!) April 1999: https://web.archive.org/web/19990423210832/http://www.cousincouples.com:80/ May 2000: https://web.archive.org/web/20000520053825/http://cousincouples.com:80/ June 2001: https://web.archive.org/web/20010617012827/http://www.cousincouples.com:80/ Nov 2002: https://web.archive.org/web/20021123174150/http://www.cousincouples.com:80/ Nov 2003 https://web.archive.org/web/20031128084411/http://www.cousincouples.com:80/ Nov. 2005 https://web.archive.org/web/20051130221410/http://www.cousincouples.com:80/ Sept 2013 https://web.archive.org/web/20150903043305/http://www.cousincouples.com:80/
  6. 2 points
    Here's information from an expert. KC is doing just fine - he has moved to a new state and is starting a business and making new friends. How do I know? Because he moved in with me and NO I am not a replacement for his ex. He's too young for me!!! LOL Nat
  7. 2 points
    Oh, no, nothing to be sorry about. My beloved and I are engaged to be married this coming August. 🙂
  8. 2 points
    May I be frank, Frank? I realize that I am not answering your question but there is an elephant in the room. I think you are playing with fire. What you are pursuing is just as dangerous as smoking a little crack cocaine "just on the weekends." In the end, you may very well lose everything, and over what? A girl who has already rejected you once before. Let's say that you are just wanting a one night stand. Even with that, things can get out of control very quickly. You can't win this one, Frank. When the chandelier crashes to the floor, there is no putting the pieces back together. Think and look out for yourself; nobody else is going to.
  9. 2 points
    Well Boss - did I babble enough to you tonight???? Stop your whining and TAKE A TRIP LOL HUGS
  10. 2 points
    I was very scared when I found out I was pregnant with my first cousins baby. I was so afraid I would give birth to a baby who had defects. After discussing with my Dr. about why I was concerned about the pregnancy, he told me, I could have a normal & healthy baby like any other woman. He did the normal tests that you get done while being pregnant and everything was fine in my case. I gave birth to a very healthy 8lb 3.5 oz baby boy. To this day, we have a normal, healthy 40 year old. :-) I would suggest you talk with your Dr. first and see what he/she thinks. I am quite sure blood tests can provide the information needed so, you can decide what course of action you and your cousin should take with having a child. Wishing you all the best.
  11. 2 points
    Hey, I'm not an expert, but here's what I think I would do. I'd try to show her that I liked her in not too obvious ways. I'd gain her trust (just hit her up and talk to her (probably works best at night), don't waste too much time in small talk, tell her your problems, tell her your secrets, maybe even talk about sex (don't rush it, be careful with that), and she might do the same). Once you guys trust each other enough, just tell her, be honest with her (preferably if you both are alone, like at a sleepover or something), and make sure that whatever she does, she doesn't tell that to anyone. Good luck! And have a good 2019, btw. ☻
  12. 2 points
    We are heading to Arizona tomorrow, weather permitting in Amarillo!! Have a blessed and Happy New Year!! I will check in when I can.
  13. 2 points
    Oh man, do I understand burnout! The most important thing I ever tried to do -- get my masters degree -- didn't quite work. I got to the point where I could not read another book or write one more essay. The stress of it all started making me physically sick. Sometimes you just have to take a long break. At some point, I'm sure you will go back to doing the things that you love. Helping other people is just your calling Christie.
  14. 2 points
    I say if you love each other, then be together. You don't have to explain yourselves to anyone
  15. 2 points
    Seems to me the chemistry is there. I really hope this pans out. Keep us posted!!
  16. 2 points
    If you tell someone you love them and they don't return the feelings, you need distance from them. Sexting isn't platonic; while I'm unclear exactly whether you and your cousin have ever had a physical relationship, you don't sext someone you just think of as family, and it was perfectly reasonable for you to ask if she was using you. And honestly, it sounds like she is. She doesn't want to lose you, but she doesn't want a romantic relationship, and she wants you to be there for her as she dates other people, after you told her you love her. Not cool. You should tell her that you feel used and why, and that you need some space from her. Go date people who are interested in a romantic relationship with you. If she cares about you, she'll understand and realize that she's been unfair. If she doesn't care about you, you shouldn't be waiting for her anyway.
  17. 2 points
    Prowl around this site for info about birth defects. Do a Google search. Read a science journal. You'll get the same answer. The risk of genetic defects to children of cousins is only slightly higher than anyone else. It's about the same as a woman in her 40's having a child. Lots of races marry knowing that there's a genetic risk to their children: African Americans (Sickle Cell), Askenazi Jews (Cystic Fibrosis and Tay-Sachs). If you are concerned about genetic factors, you can get tested.
  18. 2 points
    My Dad broke my cousin-love and I up, decades ago. As much as I was in-love with my cousin, I couldn't believe that he was in-love with me, and I was terrified of his rejection, so I never said anything to him after my Dad broke us up. Seven years later I married someone else, but my cousin-love was never out of my heart. My family and my cousin's family acted like they were in the right, and I had no say in it. I grew up psychologically and emotionally abused and was use to not having a voice in my family about much of anything, so speaking up didn't seem like an option. Not being able to speak about my feelings for my cousin with my family or anyone else though, was difficult, and finding this site in 2004 meant I could finally start speaking of my cousin-romance. Seven years after my Dad broke us up, and 3 months after my wedding, my cousin-love died of cancer. I've lived 34 years now without him. It never occurred to me to blame my Dad or my family for splitting us up, because I know they were just doing what they thought was right. I did not have the emotional/psychological strength to fight back anyways, and I never did. My cousin-love never fought back either in the 7 years before he died. But there is hope. I hope to be with my cousin-love once I die, and I've had many supernatural experiences with him since he died 34 ago. I've realized that whether you marry your cousin-love or not, you always have to deal with the fact that you are cousins, in a society that is against cousin-marriage. It can make any cousin-marriage difficult. Just a few thoughts on the matter ... sorry for your difficulties cadbury Take Care Ambra
  19. 2 points
    UPDATE Well, it happened. After a long journey, after being there for her, supporting her, tending to her needs, and showing her she could rely on me, she finally told me that she loved me. It was small at first. When I had finished spending the one night at her place, I put my arms around her, kissed her on the forehead, and I told her that I loved her. She responded back with a barely audible, really timid, "love you too". I couldn't believe my ears, but she said it. For the first time, she said it. She said the magic words I've been dying to hear. As the days went by, I gave her the space and time she needed to examine her feelings, and her confidence grew. Soon it was naturally coming from her mouth, those three little words, "I love you.". I get texts all the time now, I'm spending a lot more time with her, she stood up for me when her one friend was running me down, it's crazy to think that everything I dreamed about was coming true. I then wrote her an honest to goodness love letter where I completely bared my heart and soul on paper and told her how much she meant to me and how much I loved her. A few days later after she read the letter, we made love for the first time. Without getting too graphic, the first time was awkward, nervous, anxious... we had to learn each other's rhythm and find out what each other's needs were... then we had to face the huge taboo of "Ooh, what are we about to do!" The first time wasn't magic, no. Definitely not. Around about the third or fifth time however, it was pure bliss and she is honestly the best lover I ever had. She drives me CRAZY! She says I satisfy her and so far, she's always smiling afterwards lol So I guess I'm doing something right ? We have successfully transitioned from cousins to lovers. We don't act like cousins anymore, instead, we act like a couple. Our next goal is to have a long and healthy relationship, and my own personal goal? I want to marry her. My state does allow cousins to marry, and after some time together, I fully intend to propose and make her my wife, if she'll have me. There is the huge question about what to tell the members of our family. To be honest? There already has been some talk. A lot of gossip has been made by what I'm doing over at her place all the time, why am I always buying her stuff, why is she so happy when I'm near, why we both stopped dating people... yeah, it's not exactly a top top secret. I honestly don't know what's going to happen when we "come out" so to speak. I know there will be fallout and I'm prepared to face the worst, which could end up being pretty bad. I'm fully expecting us to be disowned. We told some of our friends, and some of our friends were very understanding and supportive, and some laughed and said it was gross. At the end of the day, we still have each other, and that's enough for us. To any reading this, I have this to offer if you too are in love with your cousin: If you love them, if you really, really, love them... don't ever give up. Never fail to spend time with them, show them attention, prove you'll be there through good times and bad, shower them with affection and praise, always build them up, become their best friend first, then maybe... slowly... begin to show them just how much you feel about them. Give them time, space, and room to grow, and if it's meant to be, and if they feel anything for you, even if it's only the tiniest spark? You just might be surprised at where it leads.
  20. 2 points
    Well, my idea of fun is a bit "different": I have filed to be a candidate for a local election! Never, in my wildest dreams, did I ever think of doing that! LOL HUGS
  21. 2 points
    We travel with our 5th wheel trailer. Visit places, family and friends on the way to where ever. Have been in Missouri for about 3 weeks. Visited the Clydesdale horse ranch, the WW1 memorial and museum in Kansas City and several other historical places in the area where we are. Heading back to Texas in a couple of days and will be at a lake for some r&r and some fishing!!
  22. 2 points
    @LadyC that’s so funny! I have to admit, I read your story and was floored. Our stories are very similar. The time apart, the prayer, everything. It felt so refreshing and a lot less lonely. I am so thankful for this site. I have never had a Facebook account or anything like this before. I am glad I took a chance. I am thankful for everyone on here.❤️
  23. 2 points
    Well just to update I followed Lady C’s advice and went 100% no contact. I felt really guilty and bad for doing that to my cousin but my loyalty does not lie with him. It it hurt pretty badly but now it feels like a fog has lifted from my brain . I am just so thankful that I did not ruin my marriage over this infatuation. I guess new attention and hormones can play tricks on you. I am truly thankful for the advice given here and to the ones that gave me answers I did not want to hear. That was the first step to me making the right decision. I’ve not had an easy life from the beginning but the one thing I’ve been blessed with is my husband who has loved me through thick and thin. I just hope I can turn this karma around and pray that I never do something so stupid to hurt my marriage again.
  24. 2 points
    honestly, i'm stumped on this one. i have a hard time believing that she doesn't have some other reason to break up that she's not telling you. after 8 years, the 'new' has worn off and it's looking like greener pastures elsewhere. maybe not, but that sounds more reasonable. because after 8 years, if your relationship was that strong and the love was that solid, she'd be ready to tell everybody else to get over it or get lost. i'm not buying this 'i don't want to split the family apart and they'll never accept it'. BULL. everybody thinks that. the truth is, after running this site for nearly 20 years, there is rarely NO support in the family once the truth comes out... and most often there is a lot more support than the couple ever thought there would be. in two decades, i can't even count the number of couples whose families did not eventually accept it (once they determined that emotional blackmail would not work) on one hand. i'm being totally sincere here. i can only recall two, possibly three that became totally cut off from their family. at least one of those couples is still together (and still estranged from family) many years later, and have no regrets. i don't know about the other two. so if after 8 years she's breaking up because she's afraid of hurting the family, then that means one thing... YOU are not that important to her. YOUR feelings are irrelevant. she's not willing to stand up to her family and fight for you? then you deserve better.
  25. 2 points
    "Be a jerk to her" Come on Pooch do you really think advising some one to be a jerk is really good advice? I would hate to think if that was my cousin looking for advice I would have to wonder or worry that some stranger on a website was telling him to treat me bad and act like a jerk. Just because there have been people in her past that acted that way is no reason the OP should do it. Maybe , just maybe, by being himself and "non- jerky" he will still have a chance with her. And I hope that for goodness sake his plan isn't just to get her "between the sheets".
  26. 2 points
    Happy birthday to us! I started lurking here around 2004 to 2005. I recognize the old website. I remembered "Man... This website is gold." My cousin and I were just in our 2nd-3rd year at that time, and in a long distance relationship. Man, tough times... But the website gave me a lot of good, relevant, Christian, and solid information that strengthened my feeling towards my romantic relationship with my cousin. Thanks LadyC for uploading them! Im nostalgic. I did not register though until as of late but back in college, I remembered bookmarking this site and "copy-pasting" some of the information here to a 3.5 diskette on a notepad and sharing it to my girlfriend whenever we are on our "weak low points". So Crazy... Pooch
  27. 2 points
    and I'm almost as old as the site - GIGGLE!!!!!! HUGS BAT
  28. 2 points
    Happy Birthday!! I have been a member 15 of those years!!
  29. 2 points
    exactly! pooch, at two years, most people are still enjoying a honeymoon stage. his wife is having an emotional affair and treating her husband like yesterday's garbage. what's worse, she's allowing other people to treat him with disrespect. this isn't an isolated incident for his wife, she's been doing it over and over even after being caught. she's not likely to stop. if she had any interest in stopping, she wouldn't keep disrespecting him and then manipulating him with threats of suicide. it's a double whammy. it's emotional infidelity and emotional blackmail. he needs to cut loose from her before things get more psychotic.
  30. 2 points
    Murder should be the last resort, not divorce. Kidding! Kidding! The reason some couples stay married for 50 years isn't because they are so compatible but because they have lived through total crap together. The problem here is that his wife is continuing to hold on to this inappropriate relationship. There appears to be nothing left to do except lace up the walking shoes.
  31. 2 points
    hi elie if you two have a child together, only the nearest kinship would be applicable. so he (or she) would simply be your child... and your cousin's child. the answer you're looking for would be first cousin twice removed... but like i said, that relationship is not one that would be counted or considered for any purpose other than curiosity's sake. but your child isn't going to be a freak show in a traveling circus, so that's just useless information! if you two get married, his dad will be your father-in-law. the fact that he's also your first cousin once removed is irrelevant. your family dynamic has changed. for the record, i'm also married to my first cousin once removed. his dad is my first cousin. we've been married for 19 years... i never could wrap my head around calling him "dad", so i just call him by his first name. but then again, i never called my in-laws from my previous (unrelated) marriage mom or dad either. your child would only considered the 'grandchild' of your parents and your cousin's. likewise, your child would only be the niece or nephew to any of your siblings or your cousin's... no need to count the generations and try to sort out the degrees of kinship or who is once, twiced, or not-at-all removed. always remember the nearest degree is the only one that counts. so the relational stuff would be exactly as it would be if the father were not related to you at all. hope that helped!
  32. 2 points
    The cousin is half way around the world; there is no need to sell the farm just yet. First, I will say that your wife is being so damn immature that it is apparently making me cuss outloud (wife is asking me why I am cussing). Your wife is being very hurtful to you. I wish I could give her some frank advice. Her indifference over the fate of her marriage is stunning. I would make it clear that this is an intolerable situation and that I was leaving if she ever installed messenger again. You have to have boundaries to have a healthy relationship and for your mental health. Set them, stick to them, and let the cards fall where they may. PS putting her phone in the oven on 400F overnight might make you feel a little better.
  33. 2 points
    When we got married 16 years ago my wife and I decided we would try to do something we've never done, or go somewhere we've never been at least 3-4 times a year. We've taken vacations in D.C. , Idaho, an Alaskan cruise, and many other places.In February we went snowmobiling for the first time. Next weekend we're going to a Celtic festival. And whether we enjoy it or decide "Never again" the point is we are experiencing and sharing it together. There is so much to see and do in this world I'm sure you'll find something you'll both enjoy.
  34. 2 points
    If kindness were a sign, then I would have a crush on everyone I meet.
  35. 2 points
    Thanks for the advice everyone. I do worry about moving too slow, and I'm trying the best I can to get over the idea to her that I'm in love with her without having to say it. UPDATE: I have told her that if we had met sooner in life, that she would have been my girl. She giggled and wondered what my dad, her uncle, would have said, and I told her I wouldn't have cared. A few weeks later, some friends of ours married and they were in fact, second cousins. She didn't blink an eye at their union, and I used this as an excuse to explain to her that many famous people ended up marrying their cousins. A couple of days after the wedding, we talked about it some more, and she herself said "Well, it would have been like if you and I had hooked up...", which I took as a good sign because if the thought wouldn't had been on her mind, she never would have said anything. Also, the casual way which she mentioned it gave me some encouragement. She told me she had always wanted a puppy when she was a girl, so for the Easter weekend, I took her puppy shopping and let her pick out a dog she wanted. $700 later, with an extra $100 for puppy supplies, she now has the dog she always wanted and is totally in love with it. When I come over to her place, which is often now as she texts me invites, I help her clean. I move her couches and sweep as she focuses on picking up and putting away laundry. Some loser friend was giving her a hard time over on Facebook and made her upset, so I went the Chuck Norris route. I found the guy, and gave him a black eye. She was impressed. She said she never had anyone who fought or stood up for her. Finally, a friend of ours told me that she was talking about me, and she said that "I changed her life in ways I don't even know.", and that she does love and care about me. Not sure about the context, but none the less, still something to be pleased with. This is where we stand right now. My big goal is to kiss her on the lips. I have a feeling when that happens, the dam gates are going to burst and we'll either rise with our emotions or be sunk. I'll be back with updates as they happen.
  36. 2 points
    1. No she won't. This thought is only on your head. If a girl finds you attractive, then she finds you attractive. The age factor will come in later but since the ball is already rolling, then it's not going to be a big issue. And besides, it's not like you're gonna marry her tomorrow and have 3 kids the next year, eh?! You are just asking whether she has a boyfriend or not! And if you hit on her, then own it in your most subtle way. I'm thinking along the lines of, say she tells you explicitly (or though like) "Are you hitting on me!???" Then have the attitude, by implication, to have the posture of "Yeah.. I am hitting on you. Now, girl whatcha gonna do!?" Boom! There ya go.. Know what I'm sayin? Although you lead the thing, you pass the ball to her to respond. You got nothing to lose... 2. If it doesn't work out, who would know!? Would her brother know? Would her parents know? Who would know? The only people who would know is you and her. It's not like she's gonna tell everybody, make an announcement or something and go like "Heeeey everyone! ESSEX is hitting on me!" blah blah blah... There is no possibility that that will happen. lol. So you know... If it does not work out, in other words if she rejects you, then it's going to be between you and her. Now eventually though, some people would know. But then those are still on the long run and besides, it's easy to deny those...so no harm done. 3. The direct approach will work because it will "shock" her. Make sure though that you have the right timing. Now I wouldn't know that --- you know when is the best time. I suggest doing it when it's only between the two of you. Maybe when you guys are together in the car or when you guys do errands together or something.. But do it when private and not many people around. The shyness won't be a factor especially if you asked if she already has a boyfriend or not. Make her comfortable....and not accusatory. Ask in a soft but stern way, "Have you been seeing some guys?" or something along those lines.. Basically you want to know her status..her love life.. Or maybe ask her "Are you open for marriage?!" Then follow it up with, "Just kidding." LOL. Make it playful, fun and make her laugh....like how you were attracted to her 5 years ago. By the way, is she working right now? Like in McDonalds or something? If she has a part-time job, then that means she has work experience and have been dealing with people already.. So she may not be THAT shy as you have described. 4. What do you mean spotlights? You are not going to court her ora-mismo, my friend... you know? I'm not saying that you go too strong.. What I'm saying is be direct. Say for example, it came upon your conversation with each other that you guys are talking about how your parents got married or how your parents courted one another... or probably you guys are talking about your friend's boyfriend or girlfriend... anything related to boy-girl-relationships, aight? Then that's the time you drop the bomb: a direct question that will show that you are a guy and that she is a girl. Know what I'm saying? Don't think too much my friend! Don't analyze things... See what works.. When do you think you guys are going to see each other? Pooch
  37. 2 points
    I married my 1st cousin in a State that allows first cousin marriages. I did not grow up with my cousin but met her later in my teens. I had recently gone through a divorce and needed help raising my child and she needed help raising her two children. We married and have two children together (NO birth defects).We have now been married for 18 years this spring. I find being married to my first cousin as somewhat of a relief, mainly due to we both have a vested interest in the uplifting of our family. We are what you may call the nucleus of our extended family. Family members Come to us for help and advise because we are stable in our marriage and careers. At this point in our marriage, I honestly dont think about the fact that we are related. My wife is my special person, and I am hers. We keep our family business to ourselves due to protection for our children that are now teenagers, Both children do well in school and receive decent grades. This website helped me explain to my children that they are no different from any other children. I would not encourage or discourage anyone from marrying their first cousin, I believe it’s a matter of personal preference and understanding the repercussions with family if it doesn’t work out. Thanks again to this website for presenting needed facts about cousin marriage early in our relationship.
  38. 2 points
    I'm not sure if it's appropriate for this forum, or even this site, so I apologise if this post content is deemed unsuitable and I welcome the moderator or site controller to remove it...... Intimacy The level of intimacy in the bedroom (& other places) that we enjoy and love is so far beyond anything either of us has experienced before, it's difficult to put into worlds. The incredibly strong emotional connection we feel is enhanced and intensified when we are physically intimate. I would say we are normal in terms of the activities but the joy, satisfication, mental, emotional and physical connection is nothing short of amazing (and oh so satisfying for us both) I'm not sure if this is a result of being first cousins or being in our early 30's with a little prior experience before we got together or whether it's a male/female attraction of the greatest intensity without the cousin factor but I do know we are amazing together ..... mentally, emotionally and physicall. On every possible level we are soulmates.
  39. 1 point
    in the past, the ACLU as a whole has had no interest in helping us. however, a few years have passed and the whole idea of what's acceptable and what's not has shifted. so it will be interesting to see if the ACLU would be willing to take this on now!
  40. 1 point
    hey, i only saw this this morning! i haven't been online much lately. i think it's totally natural to have dreams about people (and even places) that have been an important part of your life, and you'll never stop having them. i still occasionally have a random dream or two about people i once fancied myself in love with long before mark came into the picture. hmmm.... i don't think any of those dreams ever include my ex-husband though. i'm sure some psychiatrist could unravel some deep mystery as to why. but heck, i even have fairly regularly occurring dreams of the pool hall i worked at when i was in my 20s! i quit working there nearly a quarter-century ago. the important thing is when you wake up from those dreams, you wake up looking forward and not back. you've got this KC!
  41. 1 point
    Hello everyone i am new to the forum and to dating my cousin,. We are both 40 years old and did not grow up together, i was adopted by my father and she is my 1st cousin on my bio fathers side. We both have kids and she can not have anymore. All of our kids get along great and we are deeply in love and have plans to live together in the next couple of weeks. I do not know how to tell my mother, any advice would be greatly appreciated
  42. 1 point
    then please, please get counseling. and you might look into some 12 step support groups that deal with sexual addictions. porn alters the way your brain connects things, and it's difficult to overcome. you need all the support you can get.
  43. 1 point
    Ken, relax man. Maybe I should give that line up! I made the remark on the assumption that nobody chases after an ugly cousin. On second thought, it probably wasn't appropriate.
  44. 1 point
    Edward, First of all. take a deep breath and relax. We don't know of any place where second cousins are illegal. Secondly, give us a little more information: how old are you and your cousin and where do you live - just country or state is all we need. That information will help us give you the help you need. HUGS Nat
  45. 1 point
    True. I might go somewhere when I can budget it in. I’m also planning to take up residency in the hospital by the end of the year when it opens. That will keep me very busy for the next 3yrs. He has a good job in healthcare too. I just did. I unfriended him on facebook, unfollowed in instagram and deleted his number.
  46. 1 point
    it all sounds very familiar. It is typical to have feelings for one particular cousin only, and not any other cousin. Best wishes on the huge decision that must be made by you two. Be strong. Hold your head up high. Wife and I had little support also. We said, F it, let's get married. Well, it wasn't that easy but yea it all worked out.
  47. 1 point
    This is a difficult subject for me to answer without all up in arms because it gets me a little angry, to be honest. Everywhere you have the gay pride flag waving around...and gay marriage, to my knowledge, has never been legal in US history until a few years ago for everywhere. You have pedophilia that's trying to gain acceptance and there are people/groups that will actually defend pedophilia, saying Pedophiles are just like the LGBT in wanting to love who they love...*eyeroll* Then you have cousins....cousin couples were actually in the bible! Unlike Pedophilia....it's not sexually exploiting and taking advantage of children.....yet it's still looked at as disgusting and vile? Pedophilia's still looked at as disgusting and vile...and it's still against the law, which it always was and always should be. Polygamy and open relationships are celebrated. These are different groups trying to fight for the right and privilege to love and be accepted for who they love(Pedophilia never will, it just can't fly) Why can't that be cousin couples again? At one point in history, it was legal all over the US....but at some point down the line, states started making it illegal...I guess out of concern for how future generations would turn out. It just irks me though....why are is the LGBT being made legal and...well, I don't know what to say about pedophilia....and cousin couples are still looked at by the social circle, the media and legally as 'ick'? To me, this is so unfair....I have trouble comprehending it. So, to answer your question KC...I don't think so. For some reason, the western culture still considers this taboo and seem like they don't even want to acknowledge it or treat it like any other issue. It has to be hush hush and kept under the rug like it's something to be ashamed of.
  48. 1 point
    ok part 2 of mine... ok now here's the really interesting part. back in november of the previous year i remember praying... it was a prayer giving God complete control over my dating life. i was tired of being a single mom. i really wanted someone i could spend the rest of my life with, and i asked God to bring me someone. and then i asked if He could do it soon. and then i added an afterthought... "spring would be nice. maybe May." of course that wasn't a demand, it was more like musing. i didn't figure God would bring me anyone that soon. also in november, unbeknownst to me, mark and his wife split up and began the process of a divorce. fast forward to spring. to may. the very last day of may, actually. it was a family reunion in mckinney. i hadn't seen mark attend a family reunion since we were kids, so he was the farthest thing from my mind. but he was there. he later told me he had come because he figured it would be his grandmother's last reunion. he also told me that he had hoped to see me there, which is weird since the only contact we'd had in 20 years had been a 5 minute exchange of money and nintendo. but when i saw him there and gave him a hug, it was the oddest sensation of coming home. that hug felt like it was where i was supposed to be. we spent the entire reunion from that point forward sitting under a tree talking and catching up. mark was going through a divorce at the time, as well as trying to overcome some other issues. he started hanging out with me a lot. my kids, then 11 and 12, adored him, for the same reason that he'd had such an impact on my life that night we sat for hours just talking. he has this gift for listening... he makes whoever he is listening to feel like they are the only person in the world. he doesn't get distracted. and my kids loved that kind of attention. i have to admit sometimes it annoyed me because when one of my girls had his attention, i didn't. i would sometimes have to put my foot down and say "enough already!" especially at bedtime when rana would have talked through the entire night if i hadn't rescued mark from listening. it wasn't just me and my girls though. because he was hanging out with me, he was benefitting from the emotional support of my parents (who lived next door to me), another cousin (who lived across the street from me) and my brother and sis-in-law who lived in the next town but came to visit my parents frequently. and as the days and weeks wore on, i was falling deeper and deeper. apparently he was too. i was worried mostly what the bible had to say. long story short, i started searching for that sledgehammer in scripture that says "thou shall not marry a cousin" and found the exact opposite... example after example in the bible where cousins married. so cool! i got over my guilt, and then started checking into the legalities. at that time in texas even first cousins could marry. mark and i were first cousins once removed. no problems there. the only problem? he was still in the process of a divorce. it was all over but the signing and delivering to a judge, but he seemed to be dragging his heels. and then SHE called and said "let's try one more time"... and he did. at the time it hurt like the dickens. but looking back, i'm glad he gave it that one last try. i'm glad that he has that kind of loyalty. he did try. and she tried. and it just didn't work. together they had too many issues that they just couldn't overcome. they parted as friends, and remain friends even to this day. (in fact, she and i even get along.) he finalized the divorce papers. and we decided on a wedding date... it would be january 1st, 1999. if i didn't wait til the new year, i would have lost all that earned income credit for being a single mom. we really had never had any family objections on my side... and in his family only one person had anything to say, and that was more about the fact that he went straight from one marriage to another without having any time for himself. we got married in my living room, in the same town we'd both gone to school in. the stepdad of my oldest daughter's best friend (whose grandparents were first cousins) was a preacher, and came over to do the wedding. it was small.... just me, the kids and my parents. we'd spent a week visiting his family over christmas, so they weren't there. we exchanged handwritten vows and rings. he even made a little speech to my kids about committing himself to raising them, and gave them rings too. i'm not going to pretend it was happily ever after from that point forward. we had our ups and downs. we had rebellious teens. during their high school years we had one run away and one get pregnant. we had moved to las vegas, and there were a lot of things to distract a couple from each other. we had a lot of rough years. i loved las vegas, but it was not healthy for our marriage. ten years later we were back in texas. it was hard to get used to... the humidity, the bugs, the cold... all those things we didn't have to worry with in the desert. and we were back near our families. and all those distractions of vegas fell away into the distant past. we've been married for almost 17 years now. the last four have been the absolute best. everything i'd ever hoped God would bless me with. well, almost everything, anyway. not a day goes by that he doesn't make me laugh. they say laughter is the key to living a long healthy life? it's also one of the keys to a successful marriage. God is the most important key, though. and God is absolutely the head of our household these days. for me, He always was, which is why we stayed together through thick and thin. but now, even mark relinquishes control to God. it is as it should be. and that's my story.
  49. 1 point
    Hehe.. Yeah.. Talagang ganyan kaming mga lalake sa cousin relationships... O ayan, igegeneralize ko na ah.. lolz. Sinlabo ng tubig-kalawang ang gustong mangyare. At mas pinakumplikado pa ito dahil sa trust-issues. Hay naku ate... Kung ako sa iyo, eto ang tanong diyan: Kaya ka bang ipaglaban niyan? Nakikita mo ba siya na kaya kang pakasalan? Alam ko na ang isasagot mo: Isasagot mo agad-agad ay "Hindi". Pero magiging generous ako kasi syempre bias ka para sa kanya. So ang isasagot mo ay "Hindi ko alam" (kahit na sa totoo ay hindi). lolz. And so kung hindi mo alam kung anong direksyon ng relasyon ninyo, better eskapo ka na LNS. Makipagbreak ka na... Bigyan mo ang sarili mo ng 5-6 months na walang communication. Tapos, sabihin mo sa kanya na kakausapin mo lang siya kapag may gelpren na siya. Pero sa ngayon, tingin ko wala ng pag-asa yan... Pero wag mong itatapon yung pabango -- uy sayang din yun no. hehe. So lumabas pala kayo nung linggo.. Kaya lang, away-bati kayo.. At sa tingin ko eh paraan na niya yun para manatili kayong maging magkaibigan kahit na hindi ka niya balak maging asawa -- let alone maging gelpren! Yikes!! Sa madaling sabi, "hindi man niya sadyain" (sipol) [o ayan, nilagyan ko na ng quotes ah...para naman maging charitable ako sa kanya], pero magiging parang basahan ang resulta sa iyo ng relasyon yan... Pooch
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