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  1. 3 points
    for the record, i see no reason why you could never be with him publicly. i've been married to my first cousin once removed for 19 years. and in your circumstances, apparently at least one family member that noticed the connection between you two has no problem with it.
  2. 2 points
    https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.popsci.com/amp/marrying-cousins-genetics Not sure if someone else has already shown you guys this, but good to see this info mainstream papers!
  3. 2 points
    I'm going to share and express my thoughts about cousin marriages... Stay tuned... Good subscribe to Sage Nation.... The episode will come in two weeks... I'm going to start my podcast again on Thursday March 15th.... Please subscribe and support my channel
  4. 2 points
    he's right, ya know. if you do want to repair your relationship with your child's father, you absolutely can. it will take work, but it can be done. that's the other part of my story that i didn't share... mine and mark's marriage was definitely on the verge of collapse at one point. in fact, it was on the verge for several years. but we overcame it, and for the last six years, i've had the marriage of my dreams, with the man i made a commitment to 19 years ago. there's another book that i would recommend along with what CM suggested... the love dare. you can get the audio book free here: http://bit.ly/lovedareaudio (it's free with a 30 day trial to their audio service, but you can cancel and keep the book.)
  5. 2 points
    Well, this is what I get for reading too fast (skimming): I missed a lot of important details! Pooch, Romalee, and LadyC all picked up on this pretty quickly. Honestly, LadyC called it exactly what it is - an "emotional affair." So let's get to the root of what an affair is. First, this has nothing to do with the fact that he is your cousin. That fact only allowed the access and closeness for nature to take its course. You're a woman and he's a man and you have very specific needs that he was meeting. In this case, you need and crave the affection, the conversation, the apparent honesty and openness you share - all of this hits you in a place you just can't resist and you're head over heels. At that same time, he very likely finds you physically attractive, you admire certain things about him and presumably tell him so. Maybe you enjoy doing things together or have similar hobbies or like the same types of movies. If I'm right, it won't be long before he tries to persuade you to share some of those intimate moments online (FaceTime, SnapChat, etc.), because that will ultimately hit him in a similar place. Because of how he makes you feel, maybe you'll even agree - after all, you'd likely enjoy the rush of feelings. This is a death spiral for both of your current relationships or family situations and nothing good can possibly come of it. There are children involved and, though you're not married to the father of your daughter, you rightly see that you can't just up and leave where you are because you have roots there. He has children he likewise cannot uproot. Are your current relationships suffering? Yup. And they will continue to decay and rot and stink and fester until they eventually die if you don't turn the ship around. So, are your feelings normal? You bet! Normal and natural and very human. They're also destructive and wrong - not wrong because you're cousins but wrong because of the damage they'll cause and because their source isn't real (it's not that you love one another this way, but rather that you love the idea of what you wish your current relationships could and should be). The good news, now that I've rained all over everyone's parade, is that you CAN have a full restoration of your current relationship and have in that relationship exactly what you're experiencing in your affair. You really can! It will mean breaking off the affair, thanking one another for being there in a season of drought and doubt but understanding that you simply cannot continue any kind of private relationship going forward if you are to succeed in repairing your current one. I say this because you had a child with this man and he's still in your life. That usually happens because you actually were passionate for and about one another at some point. At some point, you called one another all of those cute names and used silly voices when you'd talk and all of that other mushy stuff couples do early on. You can repair that. If you're interested, I recommend a couple of books (or Audible books): 1) The Five Love Languages 2) His Needs, Her Needs Start with those and see where they lead. Best wishes and God bless, CM
  6. 2 points
    As I read through this, the thing that stuck in my mind is his question, "are you sure you're okay with this" (or something like that - sorry, too lazy to scroll back up! LOL). I don't remember seeing anything explicitly stating that you're BOTH single. Is that the case? Are there any kids involved for either of you? If he's asking that, I suspect he's gauging to see if he can move this to the next level, which would probably be a lot more intimate, or at least as intimate as two people can be over remote distance. The Internet has certainly closed some of those gaps with things like Skype, FaceTime, SnapChat, WhatsApp, and the like. My only advice, if that is the case, is to be very careful with what you share of yourself and how. If you both have strong romantic feelings toward one another, I'd say continue exploring this through friendship. Develop a strong friendship and get to know one another much more deeply. What motivates each of you in life? What are each of your life's dreams and goals? How do you see things in terms of world view (politics and religion)? On what points do you agree and disagree? These things seem small and insignificant when two people are in that initial stage that feels like "in love" but they balloon into "irreconcilable differences" when not resolved early on. Distance is negotiable. One, the other, or even both of you may at some point decide that a relationship and life together trumps whatever you have that's keeping you in your current location doing whatever you're currently doing. But before you get to that point, exercise great patience and get to know one another on levels beyond what you presently think possible. Win, lose, or draw, in ten or twenty years from now, you'll be glad you did. Best wishes and God bless, CM
  7. 2 points
    Welcome to the site. First off you are not second cousins, but first cousins once removed. As opposed to Pooch, (no offense intended) I fail to see what his looks have to do with the relationship. But I do think he makes some valid observations otherwise. My personal opinion, and it is only mine, is there is just infatuation and maybe lust going on here. You neither one really KNOW the other, and four months is a very short time, being you are so far apart. Texting, talking etc. just doesn't make up for actually spending time in each others presence. I'm not saying that it isn't possible, but there are other considerations. If you want to proceed with cousin then it would be best to end it with boyfriend. You then start with a clean slate and it allows said boyfriend to have one also. If you and cousin really want to be together, there is always a way to work things out for being able to live in the same area. Otherwise, to me, this appears to be a FWB type of thing. OK, maybe I am wrong about the intentions of both sides, if I am, sorry I misunderstood. Best wishes as you work thorough this on your journey.
  8. 2 points
    LadyC was so much more calm than I was when I first read this. I'll have to give her major kudos for having much wisdom to see this through the right eyes. Okay, Ku, here goes: She's right. Sex is not a sport and if you treat it like one, you'll eventually have major regrets... and the ladies who play it with you will have even bigger regrets that none of you can see right now. Now, that aside, let's just suppose that my moral judgment on the matter didn't actually exist or have any basis in reality. Even so, as LadyC point out, sex with your cousin, whether for casual fun or as part of a serious relationship should be entered into with a lot more consideration than anyone else. A girlfriend, "hookup", fling, or whatever can be here today, gone tomorrow, and if you can both pretend there is nothing left over afterward (and if no children come to remind you) - well, that's all well and good and you can just pretend you never met. Not so with a cousin. She'll be part of your life until one of you is dead (and then some). There's just no way around that. Ten years later, you're both married and have kids and it's time for the larger family to get together for a holiday, funeral, or wedding. Guess what? You're both going to be there (or avoiding it because the other might be there) and you'll have to look each other in the eyes and know. Your future wife will know or may find out. Awkward. Trust? Nope. She won't have you spending a minute alone together and with good reason. Just. Don't.
  9. 2 points
    LOL well with us, he used the standard line.... 'if we weren't cousins i'd marry you'. i can't remember what i said back, but it may have been something along the lines of 'don't let that stop you', because we didn't. we were married about 7 months later. most states are friendly towards first cousins once removed marrying. i think only 6 prohibit it. you should gather up your courage and toss the subject out there and see where it lands! if her daughter is already saying you two seem close but she doesn't seem to have any objections (and trust me, at 16 you would KNOW if she had any objections already!) then it's likely the daughter is sitting back watching things unfold with a bit of amusement at how long it's taking.
  10. 2 points
    he can't do that. he can tell her he thinks someone is bad news but ultimately, he has to let her make her own decisions... even bad ones. i'm a girl. an old one now, but nonetheless i'm a girl, and i can tell you that any good guy who tries to interfere with a girl's attraction to a bad boy is going to lose the girl completely. besides, if he's in love with the girl there will never be anyone else that he thinks is good enough for her. better to just be there to pick up the pieces.
  11. 2 points
    she is still a child. she can't even legally marry you for at least three years, and in most states four years. so here's what you do. be her friend. do everything you can to make sure that friendship is rock solid... long before you ever even try to kiss her, you focus on being the best friend any girl could have. because if that friendship isn't as solid as a rock, you'll never even get to the proposal stage... and if you did, you'd be making a quick trip to the divorce stage. you encourage her to study hard and set goals. YOU study hard and set goals for yourself so that you will be able to one day have a job that will pay enough to support her and a few children. you want a job that will allow you to help her dreams come true, whether those dreams are to go to college or to raise horses. you treat her with the utmost respect and never betray her trust physically or emotionally. you treat her PARENTS with the utmost respect. if you don't have them on your side, you are setting your future up for probable failure. you live your life for the next four years. and you wait. if you don't have patience now, you're never going to have the patience that it takes to grow old with someone. if she's really worth having, she's worth waiting for. so whatever you do, you leave sex OFF the table for the next several years. you allow her to live her life. in the next several years she is going to date other guys. you keep your mouth shut and let her, even when it seems like a long term thing. she needs to learn what it's like to be in a relationship and how to handle romance. that's how a girl learns what to look for in a man and how to (someday) be a good wife. you live YOUR life. you need to be dating others also. because if you don't learn how to be a good boyfriend before you tell her how you feel, you're going to make a really lousy boyfriend if you ever do get to go out with her... and then you can forget about proposing do not confuse 'dating' with 'screwing'. dating is all about respecting someone. screwing is the lack of respect. remember the 3 Ps of a good romance... Protection, Preparation, and Provision. those three words come with a whole new lesson plan. if you're serious, let me know and i'll teach you what those things mean in a relationship.
  12. 1 point
    Hi there WBT9802 Welcome to the forum. I hope you enjoy your stay here. I have read your post and honestly, this is the kind of posts I love to read... I was 18 and she was 15 when I fell in love. I have the same feeling with you in wanting to have physical touches with her (holding her hand and stuff) and at the same time resisting urges in me. She, on the other hand, is also curious about what's going on her body, in her environment, and all these feelings. You are a young couple like me and my cousin a decade or so ago... Oh, and we were caught too! We slept in the same room when I decided to sleep beside her and cuddle. Supposed to be I plan to that be just some brief time but I felt sooo comfortable and I fell asleep. And so in the morning, I was awoken by some words from the "adults" to put it mildly. Good times... Good times... Here's my response: I feel like you are a good guy. Really. You love her so much and she also feels the same. And believe me, you got her. You got her already. You got her heart. It's yours, she's yours, my brother. You. Got. The. Girl. And pretty much just take care of her and everything will go well for you in the long run. Believe me. I don't believe in the "dating game" in today's society where you "collect and select" and go from date to date and people just give their hearts to many people like cookies. That's horrible. In my experience, it is 100 times better (if not the only way) is actually to know one person deeply...as far as you can go...since you cannot know a person all too well. I am with my cousin girlfriend for more than a decade now and I am still knowing something about her every single day...and she as well is still knowing something about me every day. The "mine" so to speak is inexhaustible. That's the good news. I will give you some bad news though. Well, not really bad....but sort of given what we have here. She's yours but not yet yours. Sounds contradictory but it's a fact. You guys are on the early stage... in my 'mine' analogy above, still on the 'entrance' of the mine. And I really do hope that you guys be together in the end. You know what I'm saying? The length of your post is also an indication that you really love this person. Oh, and feels good after writing your lengthy story and clicking that "post", eh? On to my advice: Slow down a little my friend. Yes, slow it down. When I read your post, I feel like you are ready to propose to her and give her an engagement ring already or something after a week! Know what I'm saying!? And I really believe that you do that -- coz you love her. And I bet she is incredibly beautiful...And you think that she deserves it. And yes, maybe she does -- but I do not know that. You know more than I do. Nonetheless, slow it down. If you are driving a car, I feel like you are in the fifth gear big time my friend... step away from the gas for a sec and cool it down. It's becoming way to hot. I remembered my situation with my cousin and everything also happened sooo freaking fast... But I was able to slow it down. Partly, the reason is that my family has to migrate to another country as well so that also helped. However, my point is both of you should slow it down. It is going way to fast. I am not saying go full stop, nor I even said step on the breaks....but "step away from the gas". Let her miss you...Let her miss you some more... Don't go pursuing her some more.. You got her already. She likes you. She is attracted to you.. And she have those feelings at 15 and I'm not sure if she loves you in a mature way at this time, but I do believe that she loves you. This love is real to her. But at the same time dude slow down a bit. Know what I'm saying? And because you are the man, you are the one who should control the steering wheel in your relationship. She does not know this coz she's just 15. But I believe that you know what you are doing ('...that would make my own parents in their 30 year marriage jealous' -- honestly this made me smile, chuckle, and cheerful) so you will take care of her and at the same time be able to provide for her. With that in mind, I suggest that you prepare yourself so you can provide for her. How is your studies? What are your long term plans with her? The separation anxiety you have must be fought. She will not run away -- believe me. She will not break up with you. You got her already. And I need to repeat this because it's gonna be good for the both of you. Oh and did I mention that I like that you are willing to wait!? Perfect. In the meantime, make sure that you go to a good school and a good job so you can 'snatch her' away from her parents (metaphorically). When my cousin and I had LDR, my last words with her when we were on the airport was "Make sure you study hard". I did not tell her to do anything else. Coz I know that I don't have to. I just want her to study hard because I will study hard. And I plan on us having a good future. And that I will have the respect from her parents. And that she will gain respect from my parents as well. And that we would be able to take care of our parents when they grow old. And that we will have a brighter future together, not being able to be "looked down upon" in whatever. And that they will see a cousin romance that blossommed out of love and not out of lust. And that I (we) will not fear about getting disowned by whoever...be it our family or our clan. And that we will not be talked down upon since we have a reputation and a standing in our social circle and the people around us. And that I would be able to transfer her from one place to another so I can marry her (we were from country where cousin marriage is illegal, looked down upon big time and even have the horrible social stigma). Know what I'm saying!? These are the things that is running on my head when I was 18... I can say some more but I think this post will suffice from now. I really really wish you all the best, my friend. So yeah, give time for yourselves to grow... She will not lose interest in you because you will be there for her. And hey, if that happens, we will cross the bridge when we reach it, aight? No biggie. We are man and we got this. Know what I'm sayin? Pooch
  13. 1 point
    I know It's nothing we don't already know but I thought it was good to see it being spoken about in UK new articles as it's not really done here.... Hopefully it will continue in good light!
  14. 1 point
    oh, and because i know what the next questions are probably going to be... my ex husband lived in the same state as i. he never gave us any hassle about the fact that the guy i was about to marry was my cousin (once removed). he never even talked negatively to our daughters about it... that's probably the ONLY thing he's never found a way to use as a weapon where the girls are concerned, as a matter of fact. and our family was all surprisingly supportive on both sides. there did come a time when we moved out of state, and spent a decade living in nevada while the girls were still young, but my divorce had given me sole right to determine residency, which meant that my ex couldn't do a thing about it even if he'd wanted to. he wasn't really much of a father to them though, so i don't think it bothered him too much... although when we first moved away, i let my youngest stay with him for a month before joining us, and i showed up early and unexpectedly to take her back with me because she'd told me on the phone that her dad was getting her a passport so they could go live in mexico or something. i don't know if he really would have. he denies it to this day. but i wasn't taking that chance.
  15. 1 point
    jolina, there's the kicker... you're having an emotional relationship. you're just a half-step away from acknowledging it for what it actually is... you're having an emotional affair... which is being unfaithful to your boyfriend. now, you're not married, so it's not adultery, but it is unfair to the boyfriend. i get that it's tough to make a break from someone you share a child with, but maybe it's time to consider co-parenting without co-habitating? (assuming you're living together) it's such a long story!! Mark and i had grown up together more or less. we weren't ever close, but we lived in the same school district, we were in the same high school band (for one year, anyway, before he graduated), all my friends thought he was dreamy back in high school. i didn't think of him in those terms at all. then he graduated and moved and married and divorced and remarried and all that jazz... and then i grew up and graduated and married and moved and had 2 daughters and divorced and all THAT jazz... and then we reconnected (at the stereotypical family reunion) when i was 34-ish... plus or minus a few months. it was instant attraction. we spent the whole reunion sitting under a tree talking. it was an attraction that was more than just skin deep, it was this feeling like i'd finally arrived home. now, backing up, here's a little irony. i don't know if you believe in God or not, but i do. and back in november of the previous year i had a long conversation (i.e. prayer) with God and basically said i was tired of trying to find someone to meet my expectations. i was ready to have a man in my life... someone to help me raise my girls and someone to grow old with. spring would be nice. may, maybe. could God bring him to me by may? well, that family reunion was on the last day of may. meanwhile, also in november of the previous year, Mark had filed for divorce from his second wife. no children involved, no hatred or anger, just issues that the two of them couldn't overcome. and in may, he decided that he would attend the family reunion for the first time in many, many years. his reason was so he could see his grandmother. but he always told me, even on that day, that he'd found himself hoping that i would be there. he didn't have a clue why i had even entered his mind, but he'd hoped to see me. anyway, i totally believe it was a God thing... He brought me His very best for my life... and even did it within the time frame that i'd requested, LOL... barely! and he definitely didn't fit any of my own personal prerequisites for a soulmate. he still carried baggage from his first two marriages/divorces, he had a history with substance abuse, he was not (at the time) likely to be any sort of "spiritual head of the household" because he really wasn't giving much thought to God back then. he wasn't likely to be serenading me by candlelight, strumming his guitar and singing pretty love songs like i was hoping for. but i hadn't asked for God to fulfill my wish list, i'd asked Him to bring me His best for my life. and i sincerely believe that was the prayer God answered. so we became instant best friends. we talked daily, we saw each other on weekends, we went places and did things together like best friends, but there was always that interest in pushing it further. and then finally it became vocalized. "if you weren't my cousin, i'd marry you in an instant". well what the heck? could you do that? and then i started doing my homework and found out that we could... legally, and morally from a biblical standpoint. and so we married on january 1 of 1999. and that's it in a nutshell! funny thing though. you asked how i knew he was the one. i remember one time my mom said something to me... she said she knew that this was really the one for me, because i was so calm about it. i didn't really understand what she meant so i pushed a little bit and she explained (i can't remember what words she used though) that i wasn't on some emotional high of infatuation, but that it was just a deep, steady abiding kind of love that seemed to keep me grounded.
  16. 1 point
    Thank you for stating this!! Not sure if you saw but I have a daughter who I won’t uproot from both of her parents here which is why i say we couldn’t work right now. He also has children where he lives (he’s not in any relationships) and he has full custody of his kids. So it’s just not the correct timing I suppose? How did you know your cousin was the ‘one?’
  17. 1 point
    (Let me call him "Johnny Depp" if you don't mind, aight? ) Hi again Jolina, Johnny Depp is not courting you, is he? When he asked you "if you are okay with this", does it refer to what you guys are doing or does it refer to your situation in general (ie. you guys are living apart and would want to be together someday)? I mean, for the 4 months of reconnection, how do you feel he was really treating you? Do you feel like he treats you as his girlfriend and you treat him as your boyfriend? Like, of course you can only speak for yourself, but whenever you guys text thru social media, was there a "boyfriend-girlfriend flavor"? I think I know what this means: For usually, with other cousins and other relatives, you don't feel that attraction, you know? It is only with him that you felt like "Hmm..." and I would way that it is normal... family or not. I am not sure where but I read that the "aversion" to attraction more likely only comes to relatives who grew up together and so with 'family' whom you haven't had any connection at all (say 19 years in this case) is also like meeting a stranger. I am not sure how evolution kicks here but it's a reason why siblings are not attracted to one another (coz more likely they grew up together) and stuff like that... But in your experience of 19 years being apart, I think I can relate that you would treat him not as family. On his POV, however, the social convention of (cousin = family) is there so pretty much he asked you "if you're okay with this".... But take my comment with a grain of salt though. On to another comment, Hmm.. Then it means you don't miss him now. If that's the case, I would guard my heart against Johnny Depp. You haven't fallen yet soooo.... just watch yourself, know what I'm sayin? Pooch
  18. 1 point
    My current BF, is my daughters father. Which is also the reason why I will not move to another state. I won’t separate my daughter from her father strictly bc I want a relationship. Later in life? Possibly. The “story for another day, or long story” comment I made was about my current BF in reference to my daughter. I just wanted insight into having feelings for someone who is suppose to be your “family.” Like I stated, I don’t see him as my family, but it’s taken me by such a surprise that I don’t know what to do. He also has children where he lives, but has no wife, girlfriend. He has custody of his children; and they’re awesome. I love talking to him, and I am drawn to him. But will not uproot my daughters life for him while she still needs both of her parents present. I don’t know if I only want is just a short fling, because I believe I would miss him. Flings can get messy and dramatic 🙄 But he stirs my insides... but he also makes me smile, makes me think, pushes me forward..
  19. 1 point
    you do seem a little hung up lately on hearing others describe physical appearance and sometimes other things, pooch...
  20. 1 point
    Pooch, why do his looks have to have a bearing on how you comment. LOOKS are the last thing to consider, unless one is so shallow to think that is most important in a relationship.
  21. 1 point
  22. 1 point
    I married my 1st cousin in a State that allows first cousin marriages. I did not grow up with my cousin but met her later in my teens. I had recently gone through a divorce and needed help raising my child and she needed help raising her two children. We married and have two children together (NO birth defects).We have now been married for 18 years this spring. I find being married to my first cousin as somewhat of a relief, mainly due to we both have a vested interest in the uplifting of our family. We are what you may call the nucleus of our extended family. Family members Come to us for help and advise because we are stable in our marriage and careers. At this point in our marriage, I honestly dont think about the fact that we are related. My wife is my special person, and I am hers. We keep our family business to ourselves due to protection for our children that are now teenagers, Both children do well in school and receive decent grades. This website helped me explain to my children that they are no different from any other children. I would not encourage or discourage anyone from marrying their first cousin, I believe it’s a matter of personal preference and understanding the repercussions with family if it doesn’t work out. Thanks again to this website for presenting needed facts about cousin marriage early in our relationship.
  23. 1 point
    I'm finished and it didn't hurt one bit. We need another couple, so hit him up. Help make this article great.
  24. 1 point
    this is a question for a genetic counselor (i'll call it GC from here on out.) a GC can determine whether the blindness was caused by a recessive gene and whether you and/or your girl carry the same gene. if the blindness is a recessive genetic condition, then you and your cousin would both have to have the defective gene for your children to also have it. the blindness may also be hereditary only on the maternal line, which means her children would be at risk to become blind regardless of who she married, even if it wasn't you. and the blindness may be an anomaly that is not hereditary at all. i really, really encourage you ask your doctor for a referral to a GC. i don't know how it works in India, but here in america almost all insurance plans cover genetic counseling.
  25. 1 point
  26. 1 point
    Unfortunately no lol the girls in the gypsy community my age are ether married or (pardon my language) Whores so ya lol
  27. 1 point
    she's 14. you need to live your life and let her live hers... and then in four years when SHE is 18, then if you still feel the same you can give this some more thought. but right now, she's still (in the eyes of the law) a child. jail-bait. keep your distance. a lot of distance.
  28. 1 point
    basahin mo ung mga last comments may possbility naman, but for now, step by step wag padalos dalos...at relax lang keep us posted 9/9/2004
  29. 1 point
    well, gawin nyo muna ang PT to know, remember unang ihi sa umaga
  30. 1 point
    ok ito muna, PT una ihi sa umaga dun nyo malalaman kung positive o hindi...remember unang ihi sa umaga to confirm...ilang weeks ng delayed? or days...may work naman kayo. may work ka...up to you paano ikaw tatayo para sa inyo at ikaw ang lalake...but PT kayo uli, and this time, unang ihi sa umaga...cannot believe i am saying this...condom men, condom...o d kaya withdraw and ejaculate mo nalang....medyo complicated kasi situation nyo at may syota ang cous mo, im sorry but im against it...d kc aq napatol sa may bf, literal, naranasan q na kc ang maturotot at masakit, anyways andyan na yan...check everything first at pag usapan nyo ang plans nyo...keep us posted 9/9/2004 pooch, ke hirap ng deutsch language sakit sa ulo...anyway pare, good luck sa study mo rin dyan
  31. 1 point
  32. 1 point
    Dude, You have to slow way down. You have to listen to LadyC. But then you know what though? Not to burst your bubble or anything, okay, but I am quite positive that she already has a boyfriend. You said that she cleans? A girl cleaning is almost 99% chance that she already like someone... if not she already has a boyfriend. So if I were you I really would put my brakes on this thing and snap out of it... And besides 200 pesos!? Come on man... You must finish high school first and then finish college. Afterwards, check again if she has broken off already with her boyfriend... U feel me, bro? Pooch
  33. 1 point
    do you really want honest opinions? because most people really don't. but here it is, i'll give it to you straight. you should slow way, way down. you're 16 years old (or close to it) for crying out loud! all those raging hormones that you're feeling are going to drive you (or her) straight to heartbreak ridge. it's virtually impossible at your ages to have a sexual relationship without it getting all tangled up in a web of emotion. sex isn't a sport, and having sex with a cousin is nothing you should take lightly. don't you think she deserves better than to be your playmate?
  34. 1 point
    I agree with LadyC! Throw that line out and see if you get a bite!! LOL IF she has the eww factor, remind her you said IF! Good luck!
  35. 1 point
    four years ago was a lifetime in terms of your maturity (and his). the uproar it caused back then may be something that barely gets an eyebrow raised now.
  36. 1 point
    Obviously, family can complicate things a lot. If you are Mississippi residents and intend to remain so, you don't have much for choices as far as being legally married. Honestly, my best advice, if you're serious about being married (no idea how old you two are, so I'm going to assume both at least 18), you may do well to move to another state, take up residence there (get an apartment, get a driver's license, register to vote, get a job there) and then get married in that state. There are several states where you can do this. (SOAP BOX) Marriage is one heck of a commitment. Bigger than a tattoo, which is pretty close to permanent. Marriage is hard; two people making a commitment to be part of literally every aspect of each other's lives. Children may provide some common purpose around which to rally the marital partners but can also expose some serious differences in priorities and individual character. If you're committed enough to get married, you're committed enough to move to another state and start your new life together there. Heck, that's what saved our marriage in its infancy (and we married in a state where it was legal!). Getting over 1,000 miles away from the nearest family and having family who disowned us (so no calling home) actually forced us to learn to depend on each other, solve problems, live within our (very limited) means, "fight fair", forgive when we make each other angry, and ultimately build a much stronger marriage. Having mom & dad to run home to and cry and hear, "it's okay, baby - I told you that scoundrel was no good" may feel good but it's destructive to marriage. You must both evaluate whether you truly do want to be married - if you do, you'll want that more than anything mom/aunt whoever can ever stop. If mom or aunt so-and-so can stop you from getting married, you're not ready to get married. (/SOAP BOX) Some years after you've established a marriage in another state, if you just really want to move back to MS, consider your options then. If family remain a problem, maybe it's not such a great idea. I don't remember whether MS claims to "void" marriages from out of state residents who relocate there (versus residents who get married out of state to dodge MS laws); WI and AZ do, for example, and have no overriding case law that I'm aware of (KS has a "void clause" but has overriding case law). If MS does void otherwise legal marriages, you would be taking a risk moving back there.
  37. 1 point
    aq aral din hahaha tuyo na utak sa Deutsch 9/9/2004
  38. 1 point
    OK I have read all of this thread and the part I want to address is Pickledpie said that her cousin cheated on his girlfriend many times. How would you deal with him cheating on you if you should end up together?? And the chances (or probability) of that is great. Otherwise I agree with LadyC and ColoradoMarried and their advice. Best wishes on your journey.
  39. 1 point
    Now that I have a brief moment to take this in and reply a little more carefully, I hope I can say something of use. However, it looks like LadyC said pretty much exactly what I would have said, so mostly, I'll just say, "what she said." At the moment, I suspect that you're experiencing so much confusion. The "makeout" session sounded like it was amazing - incredibly thrilling. The rest sounds like it wasn't quite as exciting but all the same, that probably has more to do with your emotions after the fact. If we were to take it pragmatically, the sex act itself can be anywhere between "meh" and "that was so incredible; am I even still alive?!?" with just about anyone depending on comfort, practice, familiarity, mutual effort, and emotional investment. So let's get past that because there's a lot more going on here. Your cousin has been an incredibly close friend for a very long time. He's someone you've known and trusted probably longer than you've known and trusted your boyfriend. So, now you're at a crossroads. In retrospect, you realize that your cousin was a fling and probably one that you should have avoided. It answered that question and fulfilled that fantasy that he shared with you (and that evidently provided you some degree of fantasy to indulge as well). It also, as LadyC pointed out, crossed a point of no return. First, you and your cousin have had sex, and like losing virginity, you don't get to put that back. For the rest of your lives, you will forever be two people who've seen one another naked, shared the most physically intimate moment a man and woman can share, and shared what is (at the moment) a secret so deep many people would never mention it to anyone they know. At the same time, any hope you may have had in being faithful to your boyfriend is gone. Of course, this assumes that you have always been faithful before - you didn't say but I'll give the benefit of the doubt - and assumes your intent is a "happily ever after", given the use of "committed relationship". This means that, if you and your boyfriend eventually have children, you will forever know that at some point, you had a moment of decision that led to a tryst outside of that relationship. Of course, this also assumes that you and your cousin didn't create any children yourselves. I don't say all of this as a point of shame but rather of reflection. With that now firmly in our minds, we must look to the future. What is done cannot be undone so the future is all that remains. You and your cousin both have a point of decision. If you truly do not believe you will end up together in your own cousin marriage happily ever after, I'm afraid LadyC is right: you are forced to break all ties with him; thank him for his friendship and for all that he has meant to you, but there are too many reasons that you cannot continue your friendship. First, no matter who you eventually end up with, that person must be able to trust you completely. The risk that at some point in the future, be it next week or in 10 or 20 years, you and your cousin end up in another tryst is just too great. It happened precisely because you have a close, deep, trusting relationship. You have a question about whether, when, and how to tell your boyfriend. If you carry this guilt in silence, it may cause you to act out against your boyfriend in ways you don't realize, and can manifest itself in either insecurity or, worse, more cheating (an ironic form of self-medication), until finally caught. On the other hand, you know quite well that if you tell your boyfriend, he will be hurt and may leave you. When he finds out who, he'll be even more hurt because he likely trusts your cousin to be alone with you and never see you in this light. And this says nothing of your boyfriend's view of sex between cousins (the "ick" factor). It's going to be hard. In my view, you have to completely break off your relationship with your cousin, lay out all of the cards on the table with your boyfriends, and move forward from there. Maybe you'll have a chance to repair your relationship with your boyfriend. Maybe not. However, you're young and no matter how this ends, you'll have learned some things that you likely could learn no other way. Sometimes, our character is defined less by the mistakes we make than by how we handle them. Best wishes and God bless, CM
  40. 1 point
    It really only happened "once" but because I'm a very technical person I say twice. On the first occasion, he entered me and pulled out, no thrusts. It was on vacay that we actually fully indulged.
  41. 1 point
    I assume that you and the others in this forum are well experienced on the matter of cousin-cousin relations so your thoughts and opinions are very much appreciated. Maybe gbey will help to give me some clarity, as i still remain confused. Honestly, the sex was...nothing to be remembered. It didn't last long and I for one didn't climax. The whole thing was so anticlimactic that I had to tell him....he was apologetic and said that my comment was hurtful (sigh).
  42. 1 point
    Welcome to the forum, Hasan! You may find good answers to your question in the "Shoot the Breeze" or "Help/Advice" forums on the page. There are some pinned posts at the top of those forums and many people have also asked this question and received some really good answers. Honestly, it's hard to say for every situation, but at 16, you're a little young to start a relationship with her, especially if she's 20. I'd say you're at least two to four years away. Also, I do not know where you are or your family or religious background, and these definitely play a major part in how you should approach discussing this with her. If I had one piece of advice that's universal, I'd say treat her as your best friend and become her best friend by being a person she can talk to who listens. You have to be willing to listen to anything she talks about (even other guys) without giving any judgment or advice unless she specifically asks for it. I hope that helps give you some direction. God Bless & Best Wishes, CM
  43. 1 point
    Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing! I hope I'm wrong, but I think LadyC may be right. There's no way of any of us knowing what's in his heart or mind. Possibly he's a little freaked out right now. Maybe he has much more long-term in mind but doesn't know what to do about that, given the confusion caused by being cousins. No doubt you're also feeling confused, even if he hadn't said what he did. Joining as you have is the most intimate thing a man and woman can do and, given the intensity and depth of your friendship leading up to that, it's bound to have deep emotional impact on you both. The only thing you can do is talk it through. I recommend long phone conversations. Not text. Not in person (lest you end up talking about it the same way you have already twice). And not just once. Talk about it, sleep on that conversation, and talk again. Wash, rinse, and repeat. There are really three conclusions: 1) for better or worse, you'll go your separate ways and it won't happen again; 2) you'll attempt to revert to the way things were before (which will fail); or 3) you'll end up married and having to figure out how to explain this to mom, dad, siblings and others. While that may presently sound shocking, don't be terribly surprised; a quarter of a century later, here my wife and I are as proof that it can work God bless and best wishes, CM
  44. 1 point
    LOL! LadyC Now you just hit a funny bone in me. You are so right! Tom Cruise is our age. Omg I'm losing it! ha ha ha ha! (I know I rarely post like that... But sometimes I do. nyahahaha!) And just when I thought that Tom Cruise was the standard of being a catch... **facepalm** Well, I sure bet your cousin-husband is more attractive than Tom Cruise! hahaha Pooch PS: Sooo.. Uhh.. Pickledpie, if there's an actor that resembles him, a celebrity or something like that, may I know who could that be? It does not have to be in Hollywood... I just thought that he would be supercute (bolded and emphasis added) for you, am I right?
  45. 1 point
    wow pooch LOL, that's the most unusual response i've ever seen you post! besides... tom cruise? really? you're thinking OUR age, not hers! if she's in college she's probably thinking cruise is kinda cute for an old fart LOL. pickledpie, i think what you're experiencing is a rush of hormones mixed with the excitement of a taboo. honestly, the fact that he suggested cooling things off AFTER you had sex with him sends up major, major red flags. he told you from the start that he wanted to fulfill his fantasy about sleeping with you (or something to that effect) and now he has. you may no longer be useful to him other than as a bed warmer until someone "safe" comes along. but i guess there is no putting the genie back in the bottle, and you'll probably pursue this right to the bottom of heartbreak ridge. i hope i'm wrong.
  46. 1 point
    i just finished watching the movie. anyone seen it yet? it was pretty good, although it crammed too much into 90 minutes. they should have made it longer. if you don't know who she was (i didn't either), she was a woman who died back in the 50s from cervical cancer. the doctors at johns hopkins biopsied some of her cells, and it was the first time they'd ever gotten a line of cells to reproduce outside of a living human body. her cells have been used in medical science ever since. so anyway, i looked up more info on her after the movie ended. i know it's irrelevant really, and not really a part of the movie itself, but she had married her cousin and had five children with him. just thought i'd share. i only gave the movie 3.5 stars. it was good, but like i said, it was too much info for too little screentime. if they'd extended it another half hour with a little more character development i think i could have rated it higher.
  47. 1 point
    That's a tough situation to be in; I recommend that people only get involved with their cousins when they are interested in committing to serious relationship. A little late for me to offer that advice in this case though, obviously. It will be hard to get back to a normal cousin relationship, and it will definitely take time. It's possible your cousin wanted more than a fwb relationship with you. If that's not something you are interested in, you need to give him his distance. How many people manage to stay friends after they've been in a sexual relationship, even if it's supposed to be just sex? It happens, but it's less likely than not, and that's not taking into account the part about being family. If he's still recovering from his ex, that complicates things too.
  48. 1 point
    I was 29, he was 32. Too many beers, and I'd broken up with my fiancee of three years a week before. I was complaining that I'd never be with the guy I wanted, and would grow old and die alone, because that was better than settling, and I'd finally figured that out. He told me I'd find that guy. I told him "finding" wasn't the problem. He asked me what was. I didn't want to answer, because I truly believed he'd reject me, and maybe never want to see me again. But I couldn't lie to him of all people, so I said: "The problem is that he is you, and I know you won't like that and I'm sorry, but I don't know how to change it." And he kissed me. My world shattered. It was what I had always wanted a kiss to be, from the first clumsy encounter when I was fourteen and every disappointment after, through a seven year relationship with one person, and then a three year engagement with another. It was perfect, it was sublime. The particles of the universe rearranged themselves around us, and all the things I'd thought were supposed to make sense but never had, suddenly did. We were not okay with that. We talked about it, and we decided that what with family and the fact that he was living with a girlfriend, it was not okay. That lasted about 48 hours. We decided that family would deal with it or not, and he decided he couldn't stay with his girlfriend regardless of what happened between us. He broke up with her, found an apartment, and we started seeing each other whenever we could. A month later, I bought my first house. I gave him a key the next day. We've been living together for about a year and a half. That kiss changed my life, my reality. Sometimes we're in a store, and he goes around a corner, and I think "This is it. None of the last year and a half ever happened. I'm crazy, and he never loved me, and I imagined him here with me. I'm a crazy woman, and he's not coming back, because he was never here." And I blink, and he's back, grinning at me and making jokes about spices. This is how I want to spend the rest of my life.
  49. 1 point
    We have been married 12 years now, We have not had any one say anything bad about us being together from our family. In fact our grandfather told me on his death bed to take care of her you are good for her. we have a supportive family, And a very diverse in relationship's, that's a hole other story for another site. I can't say we are out of the closet so to speak, to everyone but those who know don't seem to care. We are happy and enjoying our life together. I wish all you the best and hope you a long loving relationship.
  50. 1 point
    Hmm. Well, I'm sure mine is buried in these pages somewhere but I'm too lazy to go look for it. Here are the highlights: We've known one another most of our lives but grew up in separate states. I developed a bit of a small crush on her when we were young teens but our "romantic" relationship happened quite accidentally when we were young adults (18 and 20). The vast majority of our family was absolutely opposed. A few came around quickly, a few took some time, and some are no longer in our lives. Not the outcome we'd hoped for but we learned we can't (and shouldn't try to) control other people's decisions any more than we should be beholden to their's. We've been married over 20 years. We have two kids, both absolutely amazing, beautiful, brilliant, and in perfect health; both graduated high school with honors and both are currently on the Dean's List at a major private university where they attend with the help of some academic scholarships (I guess that takes care of the "feeble minded" myth of the Eugenics movement). Hope this helps! Best wishes, CM