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  1. 6 points
    This is a post I've been meaning to write for a while, because I see so many people struggling with their feelings, and with how the world will/is responding. And I too struggled for years, and thought the idea of being with my cousin was impossible, and thought that if we were together, if by some chance he felt about me the way I felt about him, things would be impossibly hard. We've been married for about two months now. At the very least, members of our family(ies) accept us, and some of them are very happy we're together. Our friends all know and accept us. We are very lucky, and our world is not going to be what everyone gets, but I've learned that there are some advantages to cousin relationships that most relationships don't have, and I want to share that, because I think a lot of you don't know that, and are scared and confused, and I want you to know that not only are cousin relationships NOT impossible, but there are some things that make them special. So, for one thing. If/when your family accepts your relationship, here's a big plus: you are both invested in the same people. When our mutual grandmother (she just turned 87 and lives by herself) needs help, we are both right there to do everything we can. If one of us is more available than the other, that person spends the night at her house. If she's not feeding herself right, we both remind her of that, and if one of us decides to buy her nutritional supplements out of our grocery fund, the other one is happy about that. This is our family. We take care of them, and we both know why, and we both agree on that. Related, if there is a disagreement in the family, we send in the one of us who is best positioned to handle it. So, my husband/cousin's mother's husband (no relation to either of us) emailed the family saying he thought we should all come together and force our grandmother (again, no relation of his) into assisted living. And we talked about how to respond, and in that case my husband/cousin handled it beautifully. And I'm the one who calls our grandmother at least once a week, and tells her we both love her, and checks in on how she's doing, because I'm better on the phone. All of the above is about family, which is really important. But the personal is even more important. My husband/cousin and I saw each other a couple of times a year when we were kids. We didn't see each other for about ten years from adolescence to adulthood. After that, we saw each other again about twice a year, until I moved close to him and things got complicated. But at that point, I already knew him. I'd known him my whole life. We always talked freely about our relationships to each other. I watched him be a father to another woman's three girls, who weren't his, until she made it impossible for him. I knew what he would be like in a relationship before I was ever with him. I knew his strengths, and his flaws, just as he knew mine. And I knew that his strengths were exactly what I needed, and I knew that I complimented his flaws. I walked into this relationship knowing exactly what I was walking into, and loving him for who he is. To me, that's the most powerful potential about a cousin relationship. That you can know the other person, so well, on other terms, before you become romantically involved or commit to them. That's not something most people get to have. Anyone who reads this and is struck by it, or anyone who is struggling with the possibility of a cousin relationship, please feel free to respond here, or to message me directly. And for those of you who are in happy cousin relationships: anything to add?
  2. 4 points
    i drafted this years ago for others to use... edit it as you see fit. i'm stickying it so it doesn't get lost again. Dear Mom, I have something to tell you that is very important to me, but am having a difficult time knowing how to bring the subject up. I decided that writing it in a letter might make it easier. I have fallen in love with the most wonderful person. We share an incredible relationship. We know each other's every thought. We respect each other, understand each other, and give each other unconditional love and support. I have never felt so comfortable in a relationship before. I feel completely at ease with this person, without having to try and pretend to be someone or something which I am not. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this is the person I want to share my life with. Our choice, however, may be seen as somewhat controversial. In fact, even we struggled with our feelings, knowing we would face opposition. You see, the person whom I've fallen in love with is my cousin. But rather than deny ourselves the chance at happiness, we decided to pursue our relationship very slowly, and with a great deal of caution. It is important to me that you know we seriously considered all aspects of a relationship such as ours after doing a great deal of research on the subject. It is also very important to me that you research the issue of cousin marriage also, before you draw any conclusions. What we've discovered in our research is that marriage between two cousins is not nearly as uncommon as people would think. We've also learned that we had preconceived notions about cousin marriage that we have learned from society, but which have no basis of truth. We have learned that cousin marriage is fully supported by the Bible, as well as almost every other world-religion. We've learned that the risk of genetic defects is only very slightly higher than any other couple, and in fact much lower than many other couples based on lifestyle choices. We've also learned that genetic counseling is something to be strongly considered if we decide to expand our family in the future. We've looked into exactly what genetic counseling can and can not do, and are confident that a qualified expert could determine if we are at a higher risk. We've learned that cousin marriage is legal throughout the majority of the world, including much of the United States. We've even discovered that until about 150 years ago, cousin marriages were common, and much more accepted by society than they are today. One of the most important things we have learned is that we are not alone. An average of one out of every 1000 marriages are between two first cousins, and many more relationships occur between cousins that choose not to marry. We are both fully aware that marriage is a serious commitment, and that such commitments are not always easy. A strong marriage takes alot of work. There will always be obstacles to overcome, and we realize that social prejudice is adding one more hurdle for us. But we also believe that those who love us will be supportive of our decision once they, too, have looked into the issue and separated fact from myth. I love you. We both do. Your acceptance and your blessing are very important to us, but are not required. We are both old enough, mature enough and wise enough to know that true love is something to celebrated, never wasted. With or without your support, we intend to pursue this relationship. I will always value your feelings and respect your opinions, but this is a choice that only we can make. I hope that this letter brings you joy and not despair. If you are disappointed, I am asking you to look at a couple of websites which provide an enormous amount of information which is thoroughly researched and documents the sources of the information. Those websites are www.cuddleinternational.org and www.cousincouples.com. All my love,
  3. 4 points
    1. He's in the miliary and has to work so texting at any moment will not be possible for him. 2. He was a little flirtatious with you and that might be all there is to the interaction. 3. Usually if a man is not anxious to speak to a woman, that's a pretty good sign that he's just not that in to her. 4. He may be thinking, "Eek, she's 19 and I'm 40, whatthehell was I thinking?" 5. You should do nothing, Stop texting him and get on with your life.
  4. 3 points
    This whole thing is creepy. Either make a move or don't. So, she hasn't returned any of your advances and is ignoring your texts. Do you really need someone to tell you that she's not interested? And in the future, try to be more of a gentleman. You may find women more receptive to you if you do.
  5. 3 points
    Thanks KC! His sister isn't supportive but she talked some sense into my husband so we're not divorcing. We are still moving up north in a few months so we don't run into our family anywhere and for my husband's schooling. She did say that we are cruel for involving his mother and having our son because he won't have grandparents or family like a normal child is entitled to have. But I'd rather have my son surrounded by people that love him than his blood related family that would scorn him.
  6. 3 points
    Crystyle112, I know you messaged me with this content, but I've not been online for several days and am just now seeing all this, so I'll give you my 2 cents worth here. Your cousin is 20 and is acting like a 20 year old. An attraction to an older cousin may seem a bit exciting to him, but he is not going to be serious about a relationship with you. You are not doing yourself or your BF any justice by staying together. The fact that you would entertain thoughts of dumping him for someone else means that you would rather be with someone, anyone, than to be alone, and that is not fair to him. Nor is it fair to you. Attractions to others do not go away simply because we are in a LTR (married or dating), but how we respond to them does (or at least should) change depending on our commitment level. If his fear of what others may think is driving his decision not to pursue a relationship with you, then bring him to this site, He can see first hand how common 2nd cousin relationships and marriages are and can educate himself on the facts, Sometimes knowing that others are walking the same path makes the road easier to navigate.
  7. 2 points
    I on the other hand have to disagree with Sophia. No hard feelings intended. My take on the situation is that you make yourself available as a friend. An ear to listen if she needs it . Since she has just experienced a broken engagement, regardless of who broke it, she may need time to get over it. And usually "rebound" relationships rarely end up being something long lasting, I feel you may gain more by the friendship route at this time. No need to profess your long love for her yet. Give her the time she needs and who knows what might happen. Best wishes on your journey.
  8. 2 points
    i agree! and let me add this... in most romantic relationships, both the guy and the girl will put on a mask... trying to be what they think the other person wants them to be. eventually that facade breaks down and you are stuck with the real person that you might not have known existed. in cousin relationships, most times you know each other as cousins, as real people, warts and all, before you begin having any romantic feelings. there is no mask to uncover. you get what you see from the very beginning. that's a huge plus. and the family connection really can't be denied. when mark and i moved back to texas after a decade in las vegas, i had to (nearly immediately) go to florida for a few weeks while our grandson was born. mark was going through a really rough transition... things he had to overcome. quite frankly he was going through withdrawals. and then he failed a drug test which meant he didn't get the job that he'd been expecting to have when we moved back. and he was depressed and trying to find work, and i wasn't there. this is where our aunts stepped in. well, my aunts, his great aunts. my mom and three of her sisters were sharing an apartment and they rallied around him. they invited him over every day after his job search. they fed him meals. they gave him companionship. they gave him encouragement. they told him family stories he'd never heard before. they loved him unconditionally and never passed judgment on him, never criticized him, never made him feel bad. they were a HUGE part of his recovery, and i have no doubt that they were a big part in him being able to stay clean and sober for these last six years. and when, one by one each of them fell ill, he was right there with me, every step of the way. he didn't have to be. he'd barely known these ladies when he was growing up, because they were his father's aunts. but he'd become so close to them during that time when we'd moved back that he was very invested in their every need. my mother moved in with us and lived here with us for five years. mark would move heaven and earth for each of the aunts when they needed something done. if one needed to go to the hospital, he was there to take them. if one was frantically trying to hide in someone else's closet in the middle of the night at the nursing home she'd moved to, mark was dressed and ready to go help calm her and get her back to her own room, no matter what time of night, even when he had to work the next day. when my own mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, my husband took three days off from work just to be here with her and help her adjust to the fact that she was dying. and he would sit up with her well into the night. he would take care of her as best he could. (which reminds me, years 15 years earlier he'd taken such good care of my father in much the same way, always being there to help if he had fallen or if he'd lost control of his bodily functions.. he would be there to take care of the things i was too squeamish to deal with). so yeah, there are a lot of awesome benefits to being married to someone who shares the same family. and i know that a lot of people in non-cousin marriages have spouses who would go above and beyond like that too, but they're few and far between. and here's one other thing, totally on a different subject. there's always a lot of fear regarding things that might be inherited because of the kinship. but many of the wealthiest families in history, even in america, (including the DuPont family, whose empire produces things that we find in nearly every aspect of our daily life, including our clothing and our carpet and our cookware, and kevlar for our military and police, etc.) the Factor family (think Max Factor Cosmetics), the Rockefellers (still big in government today) all understood that cousin marriage could STRENGTHEN the family bloodline because of desirable traits that would be passed down. in those families back in the early days cousin marriages were preferred. because the patriarchs of the family understood that. of course it also served to keep the money in the family. animal breeders understand that same concept that the rockefellers and duponts and factors understood. that's why horses and dogs are often bred with what would be called a cousin if it were humans instead of animals. cousins are far enough distant that deliterious genetic conditions can be recognized and identified (and therefore the pairing of those two avoided), and also that POSITIVE genetic traits (strength, endurance, speed, etc) can be identified and therefore purposely pairing those two to produce offspring with those desired traits. and there's my two cents. now i'm going to sit down with the grandkids and watch a movie.
  9. 2 points
    maybe you could start with something like 'if we weren't cousins, i think i'd kiss you' or 'like "hey, weird thing, i read that the catholic encyclopedia says that joseph and mary were cousins!' (or that benjamin bunny and flopsy were cousins... it says so on the first page of the beloved children's classic by beatrix potter) and see where the conversation leads ya. or rent a movie like mansfield park, a classic and fun romance between cousins by jane austen. or something a little more tragic, like how i live now. it's a beautiful but very sad wwII era love story between first cousins. keep in mind that 2nd cousins are not prohibited from even marrying, anywhere in the world. there is no reason to fear anything other than fear itself.
  10. 2 points
  11. 2 points
    Guest 1st Cousins: Some advice is more appropriate for young people than for adults. Your poor use of punctuation and your reference to a "tongue kiss" makes us believe that you are a teenager or younger. If English is not your 1st language, fine, we can accomodate. But when another member tries to gain more information for you in order to give you the most beneficial advice, your response should be gratitude and not defensiveness. If you want the best advice, give more information about yourself. Age, cultural differences and religious beliefs are sometimes important factors. If you don't want the best advice, then go elsewhere. But I guarantee you will not find more caring, compassionate and even wise members anywhere else. And stop changing your User Name.
  12. 2 points
    Just a heads up: our TOS has been slightly modified. I will post the important changes below. It may be slightly offensive, but it is necessary, I'm afraid. [ Note from KC/Owner: I would like to make one point crystal clear: if you are a pedophile, you are at the wrong website. The moderators here have over 100 years of combined experience with computers and computer security. Some are experts. I can and will hunt you down and turn over all incriminating evidence to the police, any local gangs, post your information on public perv websites or worse. If you abuse children, I am your worst nightmare. That's my word. ]
  13. 2 points
  14. 2 points
    Hi Romalee, thanks for checking in. KC gave me permission to post, and he has all of my personal and work contact information
  15. 2 points
    The only thing you can do to live happily with your cousin with the least amount of damage is to move off to another country without explaining your true intentions. If you don't tell them they would never have to worry about it. Ignorance is bliss in this case. However, if you really want to let them know there is nothing you can do to minimize the damage. How they decide to take the news is up to them. The best thing you can do is to research both sides of the argument and arm yourself with facts so you will both be informed when you try to explain this to them. You will be able to argue against any opposing evidence they might throw at you. I will tell you now that if they are as against this as most conservative parents are, they will do and say anything to get you guys to split up. Their "best" tactic is to try to get you with guilt, do not give in to it. The worst thing they can do is physical violence. Just steel yourselves to take any tactic they decide to use. It's going to be a tough fight and a long, ruinous road ahead if you decide to choose this route. If the two of you stay strong and keep your cause in mind then the battle will be worth it.
  16. 2 points
    A gal doesn't tell you she loves you and can't live without you just to be nice. However, the fact that you two are not near each other makes building a relationship difficult. LadyC is on the right track with advising you to build a friendship first. You are young and can't see each other on a regular basis, so a romantic relationship will be difficult at best. Even for those who are already in a committed relationship, being away from each other for an extended time puts a strain on the relationship. Go on and talk to her as often as you like, but keep the discussions on topics that will really help you get to know each other. Then focus on getting yourself established with college or a career path and figuring out how you're gonna make it in this crazy world. Maybe in the near future the two of you will be in a position to see each other on a regular basis and then you'll be able to pursue her romantically. You're young and time in on your side.
  17. 2 points
    Ah, honey, have the babies when you're in your 20's! I have a lot of friends who are my age (47) and have children who are in elementary and middle school and all I can think is how nice it is that my kids are in college and I don't have to do all of that driving around and monitoring them all the time. I loved having my kids at home and being Mom, but I sure do enjoy this stage of my life. I.m not sure I'd have the energy to do all that now!!
  18. 2 points
    You should feel guilty, you're both married so you you off limits to each other. Having a romantic relationship with your cousin is nothing to feel guilty about, but cheating on your husband with your cousin definitely is. Of course your spouses won't understand, your family would be upset about the two of you having affairs (cousin factor aside) and your children would be devastated to know that you were so selfish that you threw away your family for a fantasy. It's time to grow up. Either focus on repairing your marriage or get out. But don't come here thinking that we will rubber stamp your extramarital fling simply because the fling is with your cousin.
  19. 2 points
    Yes; I let shame interfere in my relationship with my cousin. I let way too many years pass before I finally realized that true love was right in front of me all along. My advice is to take a leap of faith. Pursue her and see if the two of you are compatible. Don't wake up one morning and think, "If only..."
  20. 2 points
    I'm not sure if it's appropriate for this forum, or even this site, so I apologise if this post content is deemed unsuitable and I welcome the moderator or site controller to remove it...... Intimacy The level of intimacy in the bedroom (& other places) that we enjoy and love is so far beyond anything either of us has experienced before, it's difficult to put into worlds. The incredibly strong emotional connection we feel is enhanced and intensified when we are physically intimate. I would say we are normal in terms of the activities but the joy, satisfication, mental, emotional and physical connection is nothing short of amazing (and oh so satisfying for us both) I'm not sure if this is a result of being first cousins or being in our early 30's with a little prior experience before we got together or whether it's a male/female attraction of the greatest intensity without the cousin factor but I do know we are amazing together ..... mentally, emotionally and physicall. On every possible level we are soulmates.
  21. 2 points
    I agree with LadyC on the content of your FB page. If you really just started the page to piss someone off, as you say you did, then you have lost credibility. After looking at your page, I couldn't figure out what you wanted to do with it. And don't expect a lot of folks to "Like" your page. With laws being the way they are, I won't like it - won't take a chance concerning my marriage. That does not mean I am ashamed of my marriage; it does mean that at the present moment it would be foolish of me to make my cousin marriage status public. We each have to fight the battle in our own way.
  22. 2 points
    Look who is the new moderator... Serendipity
  23. 2 points
    This is what can happen when you do not stand up for yourself. What can I do to make you grow some? Oh, I'm not trying to be mean. Stand up for yourself and don't take any $hIt from anybody. Never put yourself in this predicament again. And stop playing the victim. You brought it all on yourself. Hopefully, you will get a second chance. Hey my cousin thought she had a boyfriend once. She introduced me to him! Five minutes later, I knocked him down a long flight of steps. Never saw him again.
  24. 2 points
    Hmm. Well, I'm sure mine is buried in these pages somewhere but I'm too lazy to go look for it. Here are the highlights: We've known one another most of our lives but grew up in separate states. I developed a bit of a small crush on her when we were young teens but our "romantic" relationship happened quite accidentally when we were young adults (18 and 20). The vast majority of our family was absolutely opposed. A few came around quickly, a few took some time, and some are no longer in our lives. Not the outcome we'd hoped for but we learned we can't (and shouldn't try to) control other people's decisions any more than we should be beholden to their's. We've been married over 20 years. We have two kids, both absolutely amazing, beautiful, brilliant, and in perfect health; both graduated high school with honors and both are currently on the Dean's List at a major private university where they attend with the help of some academic scholarships (I guess that takes care of the "feeble minded" myth of the Eugenics movement). Hope this helps! Best wishes, CM
  25. 2 points
    several months ago, the staff discussed posting the ToS on the board. it's always been a part of the registration page that everyone must sign, but who really reads the stuff they agree to anyway? besides, there was some stuff that wasn't covered in it, and at the time we discussed it, all of the staff contributed suggestions on what needed to be included. i'm posting the ammended ToS below. you might each want to familiarize yourself with it.
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