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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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  1. 4 points
    wow. ok, first let me ask that (for the sake of those trying to read your post) you go in and add a few more periods here and there. it's not terribly difficult to read, but some of us wise old owls stumble a bit with run-on sentences i'm glad you and your boyfriend haven't had sex. think about this for a sec... in the beginning you probably felt that he was the love of your life. but less than a year later, the two of you are drifting apart. (not to mention that he's a 'bad boy', which probably was part of what drew you to him in the first place... no, i'm not criticizing... it's totally normal! i don't know why but it seems to be natural instinct for us women to be attracted to the bad-boy-persona.) he cheated on you multiple times, he's got some sort of criminal background since he's on probation, you don't get to see him much, and now you're falling for someone new. aren't you glad you didn't give such a precious part of yourself away to someone who was just temporary in your life? now, what to do about him. girl, i know it's hard, but you need to let him know that you don't want to be with him anymore. it won't be the end of his world. in less than a year, you know of three times he's cheated. he's probably STILL cheating, especially since you don't see him often these days. out of sight, out of mind. but you do need to be fair and let him know that you are moving on. as for your cousin, please take things slow. you have a lifetime ahead of you. if you two are right for each other, then taking it slow will make the relationship much stronger than if you jump in too soon. plus, you're still living at home... and taking it slow will also be to your benefit when you (someday) tell your mother. the longer you two have been together the far more likely she'll take it seriously and not freak out.
  2. 4 points
    This is a post I've been meaning to write for a while, because I see so many people struggling with their feelings, and with how the world will/is responding. And I too struggled for years, and thought the idea of being with my cousin was impossible, and thought that if we were together, if by some chance he felt about me the way I felt about him, things would be impossibly hard. We've been married for about two months now. At the very least, members of our family(ies) accept us, and some of them are very happy we're together. Our friends all know and accept us. We are very lucky, and our world is not going to be what everyone gets, but I've learned that there are some advantages to cousin relationships that most relationships don't have, and I want to share that, because I think a lot of you don't know that, and are scared and confused, and I want you to know that not only are cousin relationships NOT impossible, but there are some things that make them special. So, for one thing. If/when your family accepts your relationship, here's a big plus: you are both invested in the same people. When our mutual grandmother (she just turned 87 and lives by herself) needs help, we are both right there to do everything we can. If one of us is more available than the other, that person spends the night at her house. If she's not feeding herself right, we both remind her of that, and if one of us decides to buy her nutritional supplements out of our grocery fund, the other one is happy about that. This is our family. We take care of them, and we both know why, and we both agree on that. Related, if there is a disagreement in the family, we send in the one of us who is best positioned to handle it. So, my husband/cousin's mother's husband (no relation to either of us) emailed the family saying he thought we should all come together and force our grandmother (again, no relation of his) into assisted living. And we talked about how to respond, and in that case my husband/cousin handled it beautifully. And I'm the one who calls our grandmother at least once a week, and tells her we both love her, and checks in on how she's doing, because I'm better on the phone. All of the above is about family, which is really important. But the personal is even more important. My husband/cousin and I saw each other a couple of times a year when we were kids. We didn't see each other for about ten years from adolescence to adulthood. After that, we saw each other again about twice a year, until I moved close to him and things got complicated. But at that point, I already knew him. I'd known him my whole life. We always talked freely about our relationships to each other. I watched him be a father to another woman's three girls, who weren't his, until she made it impossible for him. I knew what he would be like in a relationship before I was ever with him. I knew his strengths, and his flaws, just as he knew mine. And I knew that his strengths were exactly what I needed, and I knew that I complimented his flaws. I walked into this relationship knowing exactly what I was walking into, and loving him for who he is. To me, that's the most powerful potential about a cousin relationship. That you can know the other person, so well, on other terms, before you become romantically involved or commit to them. That's not something most people get to have. Anyone who reads this and is struck by it, or anyone who is struggling with the possibility of a cousin relationship, please feel free to respond here, or to message me directly. And for those of you who are in happy cousin relationships: anything to add?
  3. 4 points
    i drafted this years ago for others to use... edit it as you see fit. i'm stickying it so it doesn't get lost again. Dear Mom, I have something to tell you that is very important to me, but am having a difficult time knowing how to bring the subject up. I decided that writing it in a letter might make it easier. I have fallen in love with the most wonderful person. We share an incredible relationship. We know each other's every thought. We respect each other, understand each other, and give each other unconditional love and support. I have never felt so comfortable in a relationship before. I feel completely at ease with this person, without having to try and pretend to be someone or something which I am not. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this is the person I want to share my life with. Our choice, however, may be seen as somewhat controversial. In fact, even we struggled with our feelings, knowing we would face opposition. You see, the person whom I've fallen in love with is my cousin. But rather than deny ourselves the chance at happiness, we decided to pursue our relationship very slowly, and with a great deal of caution. It is important to me that you know we seriously considered all aspects of a relationship such as ours after doing a great deal of research on the subject. It is also very important to me that you research the issue of cousin marriage also, before you draw any conclusions. What we've discovered in our research is that marriage between two cousins is not nearly as uncommon as people would think. We've also learned that we had preconceived notions about cousin marriage that we have learned from society, but which have no basis of truth. We have learned that cousin marriage is fully supported by the Bible, as well as almost every other world-religion. We've learned that the risk of genetic defects is only very slightly higher than any other couple, and in fact much lower than many other couples based on lifestyle choices. We've also learned that genetic counseling is something to be strongly considered if we decide to expand our family in the future. We've looked into exactly what genetic counseling can and can not do, and are confident that a qualified expert could determine if we are at a higher risk. We've learned that cousin marriage is legal throughout the majority of the world, including much of the United States. We've even discovered that until about 150 years ago, cousin marriages were common, and much more accepted by society than they are today. One of the most important things we have learned is that we are not alone. An average of one out of every 1000 marriages are between two first cousins, and many more relationships occur between cousins that choose not to marry. We are both fully aware that marriage is a serious commitment, and that such commitments are not always easy. A strong marriage takes alot of work. There will always be obstacles to overcome, and we realize that social prejudice is adding one more hurdle for us. But we also believe that those who love us will be supportive of our decision once they, too, have looked into the issue and separated fact from myth. I love you. We both do. Your acceptance and your blessing are very important to us, but are not required. We are both old enough, mature enough and wise enough to know that true love is something to celebrated, never wasted. With or without your support, we intend to pursue this relationship. I will always value your feelings and respect your opinions, but this is a choice that only we can make. I hope that this letter brings you joy and not despair. If you are disappointed, I am asking you to look at a couple of websites which provide an enormous amount of information which is thoroughly researched and documents the sources of the information. Those websites are www.cuddleinternational.org and www.cousincouples.com. All my love,
  4. 4 points
    1. He's in the miliary and has to work so texting at any moment will not be possible for him. 2. He was a little flirtatious with you and that might be all there is to the interaction. 3. Usually if a man is not anxious to speak to a woman, that's a pretty good sign that he's just not that in to her. 4. He may be thinking, "Eek, she's 19 and I'm 40, whatthehell was I thinking?" 5. You should do nothing, Stop texting him and get on with your life.
  5. 3 points
    I have been with my first cousin for 33 years and we are still very much in love, there is a bond between us that can never be broken. No matter what anyone has ever said or whispered about us we don't care, God has put us together and we have a very happy and rewarding life. Love knows no bounds! Eric
  6. 3 points
    Fourth Cousin? I don't even KNOW any of my fourth cousins!! There is NO prohibition against fourth cousins that I've ever heard of. You are being abused by a bunch of bullies. Don't let them control your lives. I'd tell them to take a long walk off a short pier and mind their own business. I recommend a book that helps you deal positively with bullies: NASTY PEOPLE: HOW TO STOP BEING HURT BY THEM WITHOUT STOOPING TO THEIR LEVEL by Dr. Jay Carter. Welcome to our group. We are here to give you support and encourage you. HUGS Nat
  7. 3 points
    This whole thing is creepy. Either make a move or don't. So, she hasn't returned any of your advances and is ignoring your texts. Do you really need someone to tell you that she's not interested? And in the future, try to be more of a gentleman. You may find women more receptive to you if you do.
  8. 3 points
    Thanks KC! His sister isn't supportive but she talked some sense into my husband so we're not divorcing. We are still moving up north in a few months so we don't run into our family anywhere and for my husband's schooling. She did say that we are cruel for involving his mother and having our son because he won't have grandparents or family like a normal child is entitled to have. But I'd rather have my son surrounded by people that love him than his blood related family that would scorn him.
  9. 3 points
    Crystyle112, I know you messaged me with this content, but I've not been online for several days and am just now seeing all this, so I'll give you my 2 cents worth here. Your cousin is 20 and is acting like a 20 year old. An attraction to an older cousin may seem a bit exciting to him, but he is not going to be serious about a relationship with you. You are not doing yourself or your BF any justice by staying together. The fact that you would entertain thoughts of dumping him for someone else means that you would rather be with someone, anyone, than to be alone, and that is not fair to him. Nor is it fair to you. Attractions to others do not go away simply because we are in a LTR (married or dating), but how we respond to them does (or at least should) change depending on our commitment level. If his fear of what others may think is driving his decision not to pursue a relationship with you, then bring him to this site, He can see first hand how common 2nd cousin relationships and marriages are and can educate himself on the facts, Sometimes knowing that others are walking the same path makes the road easier to navigate.
  10. 2 points
    Walk away. Run away. Don't come near her. Don't be alone with her. Don't call or text or chat on social media. Block her phone number. Delete her phone number. Unfriend her on FB. Snapchat, and Twitter. Be mature and just don't.
  11. 2 points
    you're telling the founding member and administrator to pinch himself and go away? LOL, maybe that's what you should do, allison. he's right. you're delusional. that's the reality. what on EARTH made you think we'd be like-minded people? do you think all people who love a cousin must therefore be polygamous? newsflash... bigamy is still illegal all across this country. he can't marry you. not legally. so if marriage is what you want, you can't proceed. if you want like-minded people, go find a polyamory site. if you want honest, realistic advice that is based on WISDOM (that pesky little thing you have mistaken for judgmentalism), stick around. but what you appear to really want is for others to say it's a free world, and love is free, sex is free, and whatever you want to do is a-ok. well listen up cupcake, we're not in the business of handing out participation trophies. we're here to help people who WANT help. we aren't a group that is politically correct. we're a group that is just correct. period.
  12. 2 points
    Allison We are a forum that believes in monogamy. So, accept that reality. Listen, your biggest problem is not the cousin factor; your biggest problem is the other woman in his life factor. You will never be first in his life. His wife is hesitant about bringing you into the relationship, not because you are his cousin, but because you are another woman! The family connection, as you called it, is her excuse for the hesitancy. You say you want to live for yourself; I get that and have made strides in that direction myself. This relationship, however, is not the key to living for yourself. Initially the sex will be great and you will feel blissful, but I guarantee that long-term, you will find yourself unhappy and resentful.
  13. 2 points
    Run, run, as fast as you can. He got another girl pregnant while sleeping with you also. He will continue to break your heart if you continue to pursue him.
  14. 2 points
    And as a inspired journalist that's willing to go to the Navy and be a Navy journalist. I want to be out in the open saying that there's nothing wrong with it. Now I know that I'm not the only one who probably did it. And I know this others that are doing it. But I want to be part of that group. And I don't want to disrespect any other person and not acknowledge that they do it. I'm just saying that I also want to do it. So Count Me In. But anyway I really do want to thank any other reviewer that look at my story. It's very personal to me. And I appreciate any advice you have for me. I'm glad to be with the CC community
  15. 2 points
    ITGeek, I know you don't want to push her. But, you have to at least try. It's been a long time since I was real active on here, so the several threads that could be pieced together telling my story are long gone to updates of the site. Even the CliffNotes version is windy. But, I'll try to not get too carried away. I have a cousin who I'm very fond of to say the least. The feeling is mutual. We love each other very much, and have always been favorite cousins. We are actually second cousins. We were born one week to the day apart, me being the elder. We'll be 55 this summer. When we were 20, we had a similar "moment", but it only lasted a couple weeks, and she got scared. Sound familiar? And, at the time, only her Mom, and her best friend and her husband, a good friend of mine, knew anything was going on. My Mom found out immediately afterwards, when Cuz got scared and we backed off. Our Moms, first cousins, would have been fine with it. Her Dad would have been fine with it, and my Dad wouldn't have minded either way. But, she had bought into the old taboos, and was worried about what some of her other friends might say, and what mine might say. I would have straightened my friends out in pretty short order. Some of her girlfriends though, lets just say they were some rough and tumble girls. She was the wallflower of the bunch. I would have told them to kiss it too, but, I could see it being a problem if some of them got smart with me. Plus, there was no internet as such, more less a site like this with so much good and accurate information. Anywho, she got scared, I didn't want to push her, and we let the whole thing be quite awkward for DECADES. Probably about 8 years ago now, I found this site, and eventually became involved. About 7 years ago, a few months after I joined, we got back in contact, had an occasion to speak candidly, and aired it all out. We're agreed that way too much water has passed beneath the bridge to go back at this late date, to relive our youth. Plus, at the time, I was married, and she still has the same long term BF. We're also agreed we have no stomach for cheating with each other, and even though I'm divorced, I still won't cross the line with her. At any rate, the night we aired it all out, I already knew all the facts, having been here a while. I was telling her the laws, the actual relation, (she didn't get the whole 'once removed' thing either, and thought we were THIRD cousins.....LOL) and the genetics, religious aspects.... the whole nine yards. On occasion, I would see her look at me funny, like she didn't believe me, or didn't believe I knew as much as I did. I always assumed she would be extremely upset if she knew I was here, but, I took a chance. I told her at one point to log on, and come here. So, she did, I showed her the info pages, and the conversation continued. It eventually got deep enough, I told her "Log back on, and go back to that site." She did, and I said "You're probably going to kill me, but, click on where it says 'Forum'. " She did. I had posted recently, so, I said "See where it says 'Hawk'?" She said "Yyyyeeeaaaahhhh....." I said "That's me......" I then told her how I found this place, and had been intrigued, and seeing as how our little moment hadn't turned out like I would have had it, I stuck around to advise other young members on how to not make some of the same mistakes, and general mistakes I'd/we'd made. I told her what my "broken record speech to young members was." She didn't say a word, but got misty eyed, and nodded quietly. (I had always known she would agree with what I was advising) So, we aired it all out, are still in some contact, and face time is nowhere near as awkward as it was for all those years. In fact, I'll probably see her this weekend, and may spend the night up there, since she's about 3 hours or so away from home now for work. Not sure, we just talked briefly. We'll see. I would say we'll at least get together for an adult beverage or two. All that said, I was not able to convince her to join and give me a hand with the advice. She's a very private person, with no real inkling to do so, and that's fine, I still don't push her. BUT, I CAN assure you that she would have a nice long talk with your cousin if she could. Y'all being in your 40's, and, (I'll assume) both available, I have no doubt what she would say. She would tell her that if she has a chance to be happy with you, she'd damn well better take it. Life is very short. I was maybe a little older than you when I showed up here, and it seems like only yesterday, but it's getting closer to 8 years now. A lot has happened. For me, a lot has changed. Much of it came out of the blue at me last year. I WAS happy, but that all went away. I'm not as jaded as I was immediately after my divorce in 2013, but, I'm much more guarded with my heart. I won't let it be broken again. We have so few chances at happiness, I'd hate to see you two walk away from one. When the "what if's" come, and they will, you want to be sure you did everything you could have to convince her. You may not be able to convince her, but you'll know you tried, and didn't just let her walk. The stigma is still so strong in mine, that I'm not totally convinced if she was available, she'd go for it even now. BUT, I can assure you, YOU have MUCH more information now than I did in 1983, to at least TRY to convince her. She may not be able to wrap her head around it, but, if you don't put some effort into trying, I can guarantee she's gone. You may not want to push, and you can't BE pushy, but you'd best at least push the envelope. I won't tell you to beg, but it does behoove you to do everything you can to get her here to this site, and show her all the facts. Feel free to show her this thread, and the replies, including this one. This should, if at all possible, be done in person, quietly, with only the two of you there, where you can both speak candidly. It's time to test the waters. Don't be scared. When you think you're in over your head, put your foot down. You'll find it's not as deep as you thought it was.......js
  16. 2 points
    Sorry Lady C I jinxed the site lol 😜 If you care for her even in the slightest then hit a bar and try your luck there. Cousin relationships are already stigmatized and complicated enough, you shouldn't use anyone for sex especially family!!
  17. 2 points
    I will get back to you on this one very soon. Right now I am elbows deep and preparing a brisket for the smoker. I'm sure others will weigh in if they're available today also
  18. 2 points
    I get that this is rough right now but the two people you are being snippy with are administrators. Lady C has been married to her 1c1r for I believe longer than you've been alive, same with Colorado married, though I believe he's married to his first cousin. Humor can be helpful to some by taking their mind off the situation for a bit, she was being playful not rude 😟 All that being said, this is a vast group, you may very well get advise you really don't like or possibly people who just jump in with out addressing what you've wrote at all, try not to get to worked up about it. Not pursuing anything right now is probably the best bet in my opinion. As Colorado said and I pointed out in two of my responses, this isn't just any relationship. I started mine with my cousin when I was 24 and though I didn't get much "backlash" I still got ear fulls of people thinking they knew what's best for my life, which again like Colorado said is a lot harder to deal with when you're a teen. Hope you guys will still be great friends and who knows maybe some day something may happen.
  19. 2 points
    Oh my goodness. I wasn't on a tangent, and I wasn't strawmanning anything. Where is your sense of humor? I was just responding in that silly kind of way that you do when you get overtired. It was late. I think I even said in my post that I wasn't really trying to be helpful in that one. Nor was I being condescending to you. I was just being silly. And no you didn't say anything about us old farts. I was stereotyping US! If I was being condescending at all, it was towards MY generation, because I was being... You got it... Silly. try not to be so sensitive! Oh, and I didn't say damn hormones. I said nasty hormones. Not that I've never said a cuss word, I just try to set a decent example by keeping my language clean most of the time. Gosh didn't you even get a kick out of the story I told you about my daughters ex-boyfriend? I thought that would at least get a chuckle. 😕 For the record, here's one thing I got out of what you wrote. You're a talented and gifted writer. Not saying that you're writing fiction, so don't get your knickers in a knot. I'm just saying you have a very good way with words. Most 15 year olds that come here can't spell a word or form a complete sentence because all they know is text shorthand. You have received a lot of good advice from some very wise people. I'm sorry that you couldn't see the humor in what I wrote last night. I wasn't in an advice giving kind of mood. Still not. It's rare, even if there is no way you could know that, so I'll just say goodbye and see myself out of your thread. 💃
  20. 2 points
    hawk is a very wise person. 12 is also too young! ahhh, those nasty hormones. they always interfere with common sense! and haha, of COURSE we know how a 15 year old works! LOL what cracks me up is how 15 year olds (and 25 year olds) always think that us old fogies don't know a darn thing about ______ (fill in the blank with nearly any topic you can think of). dude! we know! we know because we've survived it! and our children have survived it! and in some cases our grandchildren have survived it... although my grandchildren haven't started through that quite yet. one of them will in a year or two though! we also know that kids don't listen to us old farts. it's some crazy human nature that makes us all think that our own generation is the one to invent (or re-invent) the wheel. or to be more on target, to invent sex. LOL yeah, crazy, huh? that's ok, we thought the same thing about our parents generation. when i was your age, my parents were stupid and couldn't possibly understand diddly squat. here's a funny for ya. just because i'm in that kind of mood tonight. my oldest daughter was sneaking out her window and having sex at the age of 13. she eventually grew up and married him (it lasted almost a year before she divorced him). recently i ran into him. he has a 14 year old daughter who is becoming a little boy crazy. this guy was telling me how he wants to stand guard with a shotgun, because she's way too young for that. and my response was.... "SAYS THE GUY...." and then he got embarrassed and ducked his head and said oh yeah. i was that guy, wasn't i? YUP. moral of the story is that we all grow up and suddenly realize just how stupid we were when we were our kids age... and how right our parents were. i don't really have any advice tonight. it's late. my husband (who is my first cousin once removed) has already gone to sleep. i should go lay down next to him and play with games on my cell phone. why did i stay up again? oh yeah, because he's the old fart that has to get up before dawn to go to work, and i'm the old fart that gets to sleep in until my grandsons wake up and start bouncing off the walls. everybody's working for the weekend.... (look it up on youtube. good song.)
  21. 2 points
    I on the other hand have to disagree with Sophia. No hard feelings intended. My take on the situation is that you make yourself available as a friend. An ear to listen if she needs it . Since she has just experienced a broken engagement, regardless of who broke it, she may need time to get over it. And usually "rebound" relationships rarely end up being something long lasting, I feel you may gain more by the friendship route at this time. No need to profess your long love for her yet. Give her the time she needs and who knows what might happen. Best wishes on your journey.
  22. 2 points
    maybe you could start with something like 'if we weren't cousins, i think i'd kiss you' or 'like "hey, weird thing, i read that the catholic encyclopedia says that joseph and mary were cousins!' (or that benjamin bunny and flopsy were cousins... it says so on the first page of the beloved children's classic by beatrix potter) and see where the conversation leads ya. or rent a movie like mansfield park, a classic and fun romance between cousins by jane austen. or something a little more tragic, like how i live now. it's a beautiful but very sad wwII era love story between first cousins. keep in mind that 2nd cousins are not prohibited from even marrying, anywhere in the world. there is no reason to fear anything other than fear itself.
  23. 2 points
  24. 2 points
    Guest 1st Cousins: Some advice is more appropriate for young people than for adults. Your poor use of punctuation and your reference to a "tongue kiss" makes us believe that you are a teenager or younger. If English is not your 1st language, fine, we can accomodate. But when another member tries to gain more information for you in order to give you the most beneficial advice, your response should be gratitude and not defensiveness. If you want the best advice, give more information about yourself. Age, cultural differences and religious beliefs are sometimes important factors. If you don't want the best advice, then go elsewhere. But I guarantee you will not find more caring, compassionate and even wise members anywhere else. And stop changing your User Name.
  25. 2 points
    Even with the poor punctuation, I don't need to go past your first paragraph: You're 13. He's 28. Once again, YOU'RE 13. HE'S 28. If you have been struggling with depression since you were 11 years old, it's time for you to go to the doctor. Immediately. There are all kinds of causes of depression; both environment and biology can have a major influence on our mental health. This is nothing to ignore!! You are 13, so hormones are in an uproar for you right now and the difference between infatuation and love can become blurred. I won't dismiss your feelings for him, but I won't encourage them either. At any age, a 15 year age difference is a big one. When you are as young as you are, it's astromically big. My advice: Get to a doctor to have your depression treated then go about the business of being 13. Study hard so you can get into college, join a club or two at school, get a part-time job, be involved with your church youth group, learn to dance or play an instrument..... fill up your time with being a teenager and stay away from this 28 year old man. And yes, that means blocking his cell phone number, unfriending him from social media and not going out of your way to maintain a relationship with him. This may seem impossible to do, but it's not. It will hurt you for a little while, but the more you are involved in school, community and friends that are appropriate for a young lady of 13, the easier it will get. IF when you're 18 you still get butterflies when you're around him, come back to this site and we will help you through. For now, keep your distance and enjoy being 13!
  26. 2 points
    You don't say a word to him. You're 14 and he's 20. And he's about to be married. And BTW, it was most inappropriate for him to give even a hint of attraction toward you. Wait 4 years and if you still have feelings for him and he is not married, come back here and we will steer you in the right direction.
  27. 2 points
    Tell her, "If we were not cousins ..." and see how she responds!
  28. 2 points
    Just a heads up: our TOS has been slightly modified. I will post the important changes below. It may be slightly offensive, but it is necessary, I'm afraid. [ Note from KC/Owner: I would like to make one point crystal clear: if you are a pedophile, you are at the wrong website. The moderators here have over 100 years of combined experience with computers and computer security. Some are experts. I can and will hunt you down and turn over all incriminating evidence to the police, any local gangs, post your information on public perv websites or worse. If you abuse children, I am your worst nightmare. That's my word. ]
  29. 2 points
    What is there to be confused about? He has made it clear to you that you are just one of multiple pieces of arse to him. The fact that you chose to engage in a relationship with him doesn't change the fact that he's not interested in monogamy with you. You chose to fall for a guy that has zero integrity. A man who not only cheats on his wife but cheats on her multiple women. This guy is high risk in terms of emotional liability and medical safety. You need to wise up and move on. He will not change for you, he will not fall for you. He will only use you and hurt you.
  30. 2 points
    Hi Romalee, thanks for checking in. KC gave me permission to post, and he has all of my personal and work contact information
  31. 2 points
    your fears are so normal! and so are his! please don't give any more thought to aborting your child. whether your cousin sticks around or not, that little thing growing inside you is your BABY! i remember years ago... my youngest daughter was barely 17 and pregnant. she'd never in her life considered abortion until she thought about how i would react to her getting knocked up. and until she thought about what her boyfriend's parents would say. and about having to finish high school pregnant. and about trading in her dream of college for one of being a stay at home mom. for the record, i didn't want her to compound her mistake by marrying the guy. seriously, i hated that disrespectful, foul mouthed selfish punk. he wasn't even allowed in our home. (which is why my daughter left and moved in with her dad nearly a year earlier.) it was her sister who called me and told me, so that i would call and talk her out of the abortion. that baby, my oldest grandson, will be eleven years old next month. he has a brother who will be turning 8 in a couple of weeks, and a sister that just turned two. and that guy i didn't want her to marry? he grew up and became pretty great husband and dad. love your baby more than you fear their reaction. THEY will come around.
  32. 2 points
    Hi, share lang ako background, married kami first cousin ilang buwan na, may baby na kami 1month old. Ganyan din ginawa namin inabot, kami ng 4 years hanggang naging ganito. Ako yung guy, tapos sya parati nakikipagbreak pero hindi rin ako matiis, haha. Advise ko alamin mo kung ano talagang rason nya kasi kung ang rason talaga nya na maghiwalay ay dahil magpinsan kayo, magagawan pa yan ng paraan kelangan lang may mag take ng lead. Pagmay love parati yan may paraan. Sayang 5 years of memories kung maghiwalay pero massayang pagdagdagan mo pa ng years tapos mali din reason nya kung bakit kayo magBF/GF. Emphasize ko ha, alamin ang totoong rason, pagmali immediately layuan mo, masasayang oras mo when you could be really happy.
  33. 2 points
    If I may chime in, I would like to point out a few things. Don't take offense at anything please. I'm a straight shooter, and generally concise. First, if you are a Christian, your mother-in-law's disapproval is not a valid reason to divorce. If you are not a Christian, then I would say that it is just a dumb idea to divorce in order to "walk out of someone's life." Hold your head up high and just walk out. That woman is poison and neither you nor your husband need her in your lives. You have already married your cousin which tells me that you have ALREADY MADE THE DECISION. So stick with it. You will never be able to satisfy her, no matter what you do. Now you have your own family, incl children. It is time to be a family and do whatever it takes to preserve a healthy marriage. Your husband needs to grow some and be a man. He is acting like the biggest sissie I have ever hear of. It's his job to fight for his family and he is being a complete failure. He is a failure to you, your kids, and a failure to men everywhere. I had a lot of trouble with family when I married my cousin too, but I had to tell people, in so many words, to go %$#$ off. It's time to stand up for yourselves and quit playing this sick game.
  34. 2 points
    Since you are dealing with a spiteful ex, threatening court action, you should seek the advice of an attorney. I don't think your ex has a leg to stand on since you're not married to your cousin (But I am not attorney) but once you are married, he may be able to cause all kinds of trouble (Again, this is just my 2 cents worth of unlawyerly advice). But if there was even a remote possibility that I could lose custody of my kids, I GUARANTEE I would do everything in my power to hedge my bets and fight my battles.
  35. 2 points
    The only thing you can do to live happily with your cousin with the least amount of damage is to move off to another country without explaining your true intentions. If you don't tell them they would never have to worry about it. Ignorance is bliss in this case. However, if you really want to let them know there is nothing you can do to minimize the damage. How they decide to take the news is up to them. The best thing you can do is to research both sides of the argument and arm yourself with facts so you will both be informed when you try to explain this to them. You will be able to argue against any opposing evidence they might throw at you. I will tell you now that if they are as against this as most conservative parents are, they will do and say anything to get you guys to split up. Their "best" tactic is to try to get you with guilt, do not give in to it. The worst thing they can do is physical violence. Just steel yourselves to take any tactic they decide to use. It's going to be a tough fight and a long, ruinous road ahead if you decide to choose this route. If the two of you stay strong and keep your cause in mind then the battle will be worth it.
  36. 2 points
    You should register because all guest posts must be approved by a moderator. We generally quickly scan your post and do not give you the benefit of the doubt. I (KC) delete posts almost as often as I approve them. (Anything about sex and I just assume the worst.) You have a 50/50 shot as a non-member to getting your message posted if there are links or sexual talk or any reason I can find to delete it. This is a quick guide to becoming a member here, and how to ensure your anonymity while registering here, or on any public forum. I am not trying to scare anyone or discourage anyone from becoming a member. On the contrary, I want you to register as a member here, but I would also like you to be an informed member, indeed an informed Netizen -- a citizen of the web. In general, it is a good idea to stay fairly anonymous on public forums because these forums are "crawled" by search engines. Everything you post will be captured by Google et al. (except for private messages). Thus, if you use your real name to post on a forum, anyone may search your name and come up with every post you have ever made on every website, including cousincouples.com. Google will now even capture your avatar. If you use a real picture of yourself, it may show up with a Google search as well. So, make up a "pen name" for your registration and upload an avatar that is not your real picture. Of course, we do have members here who use their real names and real pictures. That is good and fine, but this is a guide for those interested in staying anonymous. Please keep in mind that you should assume that everything you post, even on Facebook will be permanently stored somewhere. Certain government agencies probably copy and store every bit of this information before the actual website you are sending it to gets it. So, it doesn't matter if you delete a post or private message, somebody somewhere has a copy of it. This site uses SSL (HTTPS) to ensure that all of your communication to cousincouples.com is encrypted until our servers receive it. In theory, nobody can eavesdrop, even at coffee shops, hotels or any public Wi-Fi service. But that does not stop some governments from recording the encrypted data. Perhaps at a future date they will be able to decipher it. If they can do that now, they will not disclose that fact, so we do not know how secure SSL really is. I'm betting that it hasn't been broken yet. Further, many of these agencies have backdoors to Facebook, Microsoft, Skype et. al. They very well may have our private communications in unencrypted plain text/ VOIP or {shutter} web cam movies. In light of the information above, it may be prudent to not share personal identifiable information, like the name of your cousin or your grandparent's name. If you request that certain posts be deleted, please give us the actual URL of the post. We may or may not delete your posts. For additional security, I suggest the following products: Secure email (very secure email): Protonmail.com (Proton VPN is coming in the Spring!) Password manager (cheap and very good): LastPass, or StickyPassword Please note that you may be blocked (or "harassed -- prove you are not a robot ...") from this website and others (incl Google) if you are using a VPN or TOR. We request that you use only you real IP while using this forum. Security starts with very good virus and malware protection (I don't have a favorite) and OS updates. Also, there are some antivirus programs that scan your computer for outdated software which is a great idea. Also make sure any personal information is sent over an https connection. If you are at a website that wants credit card info or log-in information, and the site starts with http:// instead of https:// then leave immediately. You can also try to insert the S and see if that works on unencrypted websites. A FEW websites are fine to be unsecured, for example CNN.com. They do not offer an encrypted connection at the time of this writing. I hope this has been helpful! Now, please go sign up. It takes a lot of our time to approve guest messages. Members' messages posts automatically. This is one good reason to have a password manager -- so you can keep up with all of the passwords. If you don't have a password manager, install one today. Here is a comparison chart: http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2407168,00.asp of top password managers (just use the ones I have recommended; I have used them all). Please understand that the admins here are tech experts. We can track down anyone who is abusing children, and will go out of our way to do so. Any information obtained will be given to the appropriate law enforcement agency for prosecution. This is a family website and even the hint of child exploitation will quickly get you unwanted attention. Please read our "About This Website" page for our unwavering and vehement stance on child abuse of any kind.
  37. 2 points
    A gal doesn't tell you she loves you and can't live without you just to be nice. However, the fact that you two are not near each other makes building a relationship difficult. LadyC is on the right track with advising you to build a friendship first. You are young and can't see each other on a regular basis, so a romantic relationship will be difficult at best. Even for those who are already in a committed relationship, being away from each other for an extended time puts a strain on the relationship. Go on and talk to her as often as you like, but keep the discussions on topics that will really help you get to know each other. Then focus on getting yourself established with college or a career path and figuring out how you're gonna make it in this crazy world. Maybe in the near future the two of you will be in a position to see each other on a regular basis and then you'll be able to pursue her romantically. You're young and time in on your side.
  38. 2 points
    Ah, honey, have the babies when you're in your 20's! I have a lot of friends who are my age (47) and have children who are in elementary and middle school and all I can think is how nice it is that my kids are in college and I don't have to do all of that driving around and monitoring them all the time. I loved having my kids at home and being Mom, but I sure do enjoy this stage of my life. I.m not sure I'd have the energy to do all that now!!
  39. 2 points
    This doesn't really matter. This statement could've been me. I didn't act on feelings for my cousin for a long time because I was convinced it was wrong. Decades passed, marriages ended and we both found each other again. Surely you know how to manage unwanted sexual feelings? Delete all his contact info, unfriend him on social media, avoid him in social settings. Easy? No. If you focus on your marriage perhaps you can rekindle your commitment. And if you are putting all of your effort into restoring your marriage, you won't have time to fantasize about another man.
  40. 2 points
    You should feel guilty, you're both married so you you off limits to each other. Having a romantic relationship with your cousin is nothing to feel guilty about, but cheating on your husband with your cousin definitely is. Of course your spouses won't understand, your family would be upset about the two of you having affairs (cousin factor aside) and your children would be devastated to know that you were so selfish that you threw away your family for a fantasy. It's time to grow up. Either focus on repairing your marriage or get out. But don't come here thinking that we will rubber stamp your extramarital fling simply because the fling is with your cousin.
  41. 2 points
    Yes; I let shame interfere in my relationship with my cousin. I let way too many years pass before I finally realized that true love was right in front of me all along. My advice is to take a leap of faith. Pursue her and see if the two of you are compatible. Don't wake up one morning and think, "If only..."
  42. 2 points
    i think we all did, at some point. i did. i thought i was so wrong, and i wanted God to smack me upside the head with a 2x4.... so i went hunting for that 2x4. i searched the bible trying to find that God would condemn me to hell, thinking that would help me get over my infatuation. what i found instead was that over and over, God said "ok" to cousin marriages, and i was so happy, i never again felt any guilt.
  43. 2 points
    Serendipity the pay is out of this world too!!!!! Regular raises and benefits!!
  44. 2 points
    Look who is the new moderator... Serendipity
  45. 2 points
    I can feel your pain. If she flirted with you, then I assume that now she will understand your feelings. If you think that you should let her know, then do it. I told my cousin about how I feel regardless of what he thinks, I feel so relieved and I am not even stressed like before. I am actually happy that I was the first one to acknowledge my feelings lol, I know he won't say anything because if he does the chances are we will mess up. Sometimes you have to take the initiative and say it or it will continue to bother you most of your day. Ever since I told him, I am feeling much better, since I don't thinking about "what ifs". Now, how he feels that's not my problem lol. I am the evil one and he is the nicest one (sometimes it's the other way around). Anyway, if you can't stop thinking about her, let her know how you feel and I really hope that she will understand :), if you genuinely feel that you should take a chance then do it, good luck (Y).
  46. 2 points
    The odds are against you. The simple fact that you live across the country from each other is a huge obstacle. I wouldn't hang my hat in the hopes that this can work out. Children complicate the scenario because, I assume, you each want to be near your children and even if one of you were to move closer to the other, complications with custody will abound. What do you expect him to do exactly? Texting is a convenient way of communicating and he is across the country from you. Dating, as its generally recognized, is not an option for you two. Sure, you could meet up every couple of months for a weekend rendezvous, but that does not a committed relationship make. In my opinion, you need to stop the sexting and move on. Focus on your child and your current BF. If you're unhappy with your BF (which it seems like you are, since you're entertaining thoughts of another man) then break up and be single for a while. If you want to pursue a relationship with this guy then you gotta break up with your respective SOs and try to make a go of it. You state "He would love to have me"; this is usually meant in a sexual way. If that is how it is to be interpreted, then do what you want, but don't expect happily ever after to come from it.
  47. 2 points
    I would seriously love to throw back a few brewskies with you folks. Y'all sound like my kind of people: a little strange and unphased by the fact that I just married my first cousin. Who brought the vodka? I've had to give up my drink of choice, rum, because it gave me migraines, so vodka has become my new go-to. I'll get use to it, it'll be ok. I'm still in mourning. But I'm taking notes on y'alls favorite vodka mixers. I think I'm going back to school in the next year. This working 3 jobs is killing me and I've gotta go down to one. OK, I'll probably always have 2 jobs because I'm not sure I'll ever be able to fully give up teaching piano. I'll be 90 and still yelling at some middle schooler to use right hand finger 3 on E flat in the B flat Major scale. Are kids ever gonna practice their scales?? Life is good. I'm in love. I've still gotta change my last name on all those legal documents; I'm avoiding it because it'll be a pain in the tushie. But life is good.
  48. 2 points
    This is what can happen when you do not stand up for yourself. What can I do to make you grow some? Oh, I'm not trying to be mean. Stand up for yourself and don't take any $hIt from anybody. Never put yourself in this predicament again. And stop playing the victim. You brought it all on yourself. Hopefully, you will get a second chance. Hey my cousin thought she had a boyfriend once. She introduced me to him! Five minutes later, I knocked him down a long flight of steps. Never saw him again.
  49. 2 points
    I forgot to add that the attraction I feel towards my cousin is so intense, its nothing like an attraction to a complete stranger in the streets, workplace or bar etc... Its like an electrostatic feeling, that pulls me to want to be with him so badly. Oh well something might happen in the future, who knows lol
  50. 2 points
    Do you ever get over the feeling of being "in love"? Yes; I had girlfriends I thought I was "in love" with but that faded away completely. Do you ever get over truly loving someone? I doubt it; at least I sure haven't, and it's been 50 years (We're both nearly 70). I keep thinking I'm over her, then I see her (weddings and funerals); I visit her Dad (my uncle) in the nursing home, and once again I'm "a goner." Almost everything I've ever accomplished in my career was done in an effort to show her that I was worthy of her, even though it never worked. (When in my 40s I took the first, and maybe only, step in healing:acknowledging that I didn't have to prove anything to her, but only to myself.) Sometimes when we talk she still seems to genuinely care about/for me; but other times she's like a stranger. I send her a birthday card every year; sometimes she sends one to me but other times not. It kills me. An English poet named Thomas Carew said, "True love can never change his seat, / Nor did he ever love, that could retreat." I think he was spot on. My cousin and I have been married to other people since our college days, but my love for my cousin has never wavered. Do I think this is ideal? No; far from it. It would have been so much easier just to move on. I've tried SO hard, and repeatedly, and yet I end up in the same place, depressed and lonely in spite of a wife, children, grandchildren, and friends.
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