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Showing content with the highest reputation since 05/16/2018 in Posts

  1. 2 points
    Ken, the best advice I have ever gotten was from a marriage counselor. He would tell me what's what, and I would, in turn, get red faced and tell him to go do something anatomically impossible. Our sessions were very short. Man was I a hothead back then! He gave me some great advice which took me years to realize how correct he was. Often the best advice is the advice you do not want to hear. Your problem isn't unique at all. Take the fact that she is your cousin out of the equation and see how simple it all becomes. The quote I'm including is so correct. Cousins do have this built-in compatibility, and just perhaps the small amount of genes we share can awaken the gods of romance and incense. I hope you can get everything back on track and salvage your marriage. You can't put the genie back in the bottle. You will have to distance yourself from her and reexamine your boundaries. You truly have my best wishes. I'm glad you posted your story.
  2. 2 points
    had she posted at that time how (only one month later) she says the fog has lifted and that she's glad she walked away from relationship the cousin she was so deeply in love with? that's my best advice to anyone who is in love with someone other than the one they vowed to forsake all others for. marriages can be salvaged. children can be spared the emotional baggage that is thrust on them by one parent cheating on the other. you may not realize what a fog you're in because you think it's true love with your soulmate. but it IS a fog. it's a fog that makes you think that you are justified in destroying your wife, your children... and your cousin's children. it's a fog that makes you think that your cousin's husband is not worthy. it's a fog of selfishness. i hope you'll reconsider.
  3. 2 points
    Well just to update I followed Lady C’s advice and went 100% no contact. I felt really guilty and bad for doing that to my cousin but my loyalty does not lie with him. It it hurt pretty badly but now it feels like a fog has lifted from my brain . I am just so thankful that I did not ruin my marriage over this infatuation. I guess new attention and hormones can play tricks on you. I am truly thankful for the advice given here and to the ones that gave me answers I did not want to hear. That was the first step to me making the right decision. I’ve not had an easy life from the beginning but the one thing I’ve been blessed with is my husband who has loved me through thick and thin. I just hope I can turn this karma around and pray that I never do something so stupid to hurt my marriage again.
  4. 2 points
    Isn't she freaking adorable? And your soulmates too! Mr. Ken, I know it's hard to believe, but I have heard this story before. Alright, sorry for being so crass. There just aren't any easy answers. The bottom line is serious. You have both made commitments to others and you both should keep them. There is no such thing as a soul mate. You can't use that as an excuse to cheat in your wife. Kate Winslet is my soul mate, but I'm not chasing her around. If things were different, you would have different options. But if frogs had wings, they wouldn't bump their arse every time they hopped. Right?
  5. 2 points
    honestly, i'm stumped on this one. i have a hard time believing that she doesn't have some other reason to break up that she's not telling you. after 8 years, the 'new' has worn off and it's looking like greener pastures elsewhere. maybe not, but that sounds more reasonable. because after 8 years, if your relationship was that strong and the love was that solid, she'd be ready to tell everybody else to get over it or get lost. i'm not buying this 'i don't want to split the family apart and they'll never accept it'. BULL. everybody thinks that. the truth is, after running this site for nearly 20 years, there is rarely NO support in the family once the truth comes out... and most often there is a lot more support than the couple ever thought there would be. in two decades, i can't even count the number of couples whose families did not eventually accept it (once they determined that emotional blackmail would not work) on one hand. i'm being totally sincere here. i can only recall two, possibly three that became totally cut off from their family. at least one of those couples is still together (and still estranged from family) many years later, and have no regrets. i don't know about the other two. so if after 8 years she's breaking up because she's afraid of hurting the family, then that means one thing... YOU are not that important to her. YOUR feelings are irrelevant. she's not willing to stand up to her family and fight for you? then you deserve better.
  6. 1 point
    I have been with my first cousin for 33 years and we are still very much in love, there is a bond between us that can never be broken. No matter what anyone has ever said or whispered about us we don't care, God has put us together and we have a very happy and rewarding life. Love knows no bounds! Eric
  7. 1 point
    I am so sorry to hear of your tragedy. It would be a huge mistake to assume that one or two people from your family are representative of the whole. It is another mistake to assume they have the power to split the family. In my experience family members can be quite shocked initially but they soon get over it. It's rare that a family member never comes back around. I think it is good to give your cousin some room to breathe and contemplate. She may decide that you are worth all of the trouble. If not, say good riddance and find you someone who cares deeply about you. You deserve that.
  8. 1 point
    Concerts was one thing the wife had ZERO interest or willingness to do with me. I almost always went alone. Then the cousin came along and we have same musical interests, and went to one together. Now the wife wants to go. So that's something good that came out of it. Most times she enjoys them, but some artists she just "tolerates". Some favorites are TobyMac, MercyMe, Skillet, for King & Country
  9. 1 point
    Ok, thanks for all the advice/responses. I do not disagree with all of it. I did not plan on going into the whole debate about my situation. We reconnected 7yrs ago. Had a few years of fighting about the situation, and have had very little contact with her for the last few years. I have not seen her alone for the last 2 1/2yrs. We have seen her together about 6 times in the last 1 1/2 yrs. Just a lunch every few months to talk about family stuff. I do not send her anything that the wife does not see. I do not talk to her on the phone. I know this does not meet the entire boundary list that has been spelled out here, but this is where we are at, and everyone has to work out things the way they can. We all have our faults, and we are working on it.
  10. 1 point
    Thank you. She means everything to me. I know this might sound crazy, but there are times when I'm by myself and I think about her, and I get choked up with emotion as I simply can not process all that I'm feeling for her. She's simply the best, in everything. She's funny, she's smart, she's independent, she's fierce, she's kind, she's grounded, and yes, she is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. When I'm with her? I'm happy. When I leave her for the day? I want to get back to her as soon as I can. I know she feels the same way about me. I text her often that "You're the best.", and she replies back, "No, you are.". I reply back, "If I'm the best, it's only because you showed me how to be.". She hates it when I have to leave, and her one friend told me that she feels blessed to have me. I am so lost in love with her. I could never imagine myself with anyone else. I'm hers, mind, body, and soul.
  11. 1 point
    Hello everyone! I'm new here and found your website after some light Googling. I have my own cousin story to tell, and decided to create an account and share it with you all. I have known my first cousin once removed (her grandmother is my aunt) for the better part of 6 years. We met each other late in life, and only found each other when she sent me a friend request on FB after recognizing my last name. At first, we really didn't get along. She thought I was fat, quiet, and nerdy, and I thought she was loud, rude, and overbearing. We continued like this for a while, but over time, we got to know each other and eventually discovered there was a person beneath our initial assumptions. I always thought she was gorgeous, but it wasn't until last September that it felt like I saw her for the very first time. Instead of just noticing how beautiful she was, I noticed all of her other qualities and it wasn't long after, that I legitimately fell in love with her. This was the second time in my life that I ever felt about a woman this way, and if anything, it's stronger than the first time. My love for her inspired me to lose over 160 lbs and get my act together in a way that made me mature as a person and become more confident. I started reaching out to her more, opening up about my past and inner most thoughts, and she did likewise. I started buying her little gifts to show I was thinking about her, never failing to wish her good night on Facebook, telling her how beautiful she is, and never failing to be there for her when she needed me. We grew closer, closer than I ever thought possible. She now invites me over to her place where we spend fun evenings baking, talking, and watching TV. We hug and embrace, I have worked up the nerve to kiss her on the forehead when it's time for me to go home, and we express in words and in writing how much we mean to each other. One night, we stayed in her car and just talked for hours, until 2 AM in the morning. So far, this is as far as we got. I'm grateful for the progress we made and I don't want to blow it by moving too fast. I'm choosing to let things develop naturally and not force a 'moment' where I finally kiss her and tell her I love her. My cousin means the world to me, I place her happiness far above my own, and no matter what, no matter if we don't end up how I would like to, I'll always be there for her.
  12. 1 point
    honest opinion? this is the stuff movies are made of! i don't know how i missed your story all this time until today, but when ken posted and bumped it back to the top, i started reading. i hope you'll continue to post updates every once in a while. i'm serious, i think this is the best romance i've ever read on this site, and i've been here for nearly 20 years. oh, and WOW! 160 lbs? congratulations! that's commitment! and everything you've written, the way you treat her, the way you take your time, everything... your girl is one lucky woman and i'm betting she knows it.
  13. 1 point
    Fight crass with crass! Lol. Stay long enough and you will get the response that you are looking for. The truth is that we don't have all of the answers. However, I know the answer isn't to cheat on your wife like vermin. GSA seems to be a real thing to me. I have never admitted it before but I do have another cousin that is hot as a firecracker. I purposefully try to avoid her because I do not want my life any more complicated than it already is. It appears that you have already crossed the line with your cousin. Taking one more step could spell absolute disaster for both of your marriages. Are you trying to ruin or sabotage your marriage? If so, you are on the right track. If you are a gentleman, you will turn around while you still can. Mr. Ken, what can I say?
  14. 1 point
    If you are applying for a marriage license, some states have a question about kinship on the application. If you lied, I imagine there would be legal ways to argue that the marriage is invalid. This was my concern with myself and my cousin/husband when we got married. Ohio (where we live) doesn't allow marriages between first cousins, but they accept marriages from other states as valid, so we got married in Tennessee, where first cousin marriage is legal. Of course, it would only matter if someone had the motivation to argue in a court of law that a marriage was invalid, but to me that wouldn't be a chance worth taking, no matter how remote.
  15. 1 point
    My advice is too keep him blocked - it will be hard but don't come crawling back in a week. You don't need abuse or rudeness and that is all he is giving you. Be strong and hang in there. HUGS Nat
  16. 1 point
    I do not have children but my first cousin and I are now together after having 2 years of this simular thing. First take a deep breath, how is she flirting with you? Do you flirt back? Have you had some in depth conversations about your lives and where you are going or is this just sexual attraction. Now don't get me wrong feelings are a powerful thing but sometimes we either need to take the plunge and tell them how we feel or keep playing the flirting game. Start with talking about your future, with her and if you feel a connection then proceed to something of the effect of what do you think of you and I? Ask her on a date? I am in my late 20s he is in his mid 30s
  17. 1 point
    i merged your threads. i guess i don't qualify to provide you any advice. i'm only married to my first cousin once removed and all our children were born to previous marriages. but... your cain and abel arguments for cousin marriage aren't going to go very far. there are far better biblical arguments for cousin marriage. we have a whole page dedicated to exploring that topic. on the menu at the top of this page, hover over 'info pages' and then "religions" and then select 'biblical perspective'.
  18. 1 point
    hi elie if you two have a child together, only the nearest kinship would be applicable. so he (or she) would simply be your child... and your cousin's child. the answer you're looking for would be first cousin twice removed... but like i said, that relationship is not one that would be counted or considered for any purpose other than curiosity's sake. but your child isn't going to be a freak show in a traveling circus, so that's just useless information! if you two get married, his dad will be your father-in-law. the fact that he's also your first cousin once removed is irrelevant. your family dynamic has changed. for the record, i'm also married to my first cousin once removed. his dad is my first cousin. we've been married for 19 years... i never could wrap my head around calling him "dad", so i just call him by his first name. but then again, i never called my in-laws from my previous (unrelated) marriage mom or dad either. your child would only considered the 'grandchild' of your parents and your cousin's. likewise, your child would only be the niece or nephew to any of your siblings or your cousin's... no need to count the generations and try to sort out the degrees of kinship or who is once, twiced, or not-at-all removed. always remember the nearest degree is the only one that counts. so the relational stuff would be exactly as it would be if the father were not related to you at all. hope that helped!
  19. 1 point
    That was pretty brilliant LadyC. I suppose our greatest pearls of wisdom come from the darkest of times.
  20. 1 point
    Thanks for the advice everyone. I do worry about moving too slow, and I'm trying the best I can to get over the idea to her that I'm in love with her without having to say it. UPDATE: I have told her that if we had met sooner in life, that she would have been my girl. She giggled and wondered what my dad, her uncle, would have said, and I told her I wouldn't have cared. A few weeks later, some friends of ours married and they were in fact, second cousins. She didn't blink an eye at their union, and I used this as an excuse to explain to her that many famous people ended up marrying their cousins. A couple of days after the wedding, we talked about it some more, and she herself said "Well, it would have been like if you and I had hooked up...", which I took as a good sign because if the thought wouldn't had been on her mind, she never would have said anything. Also, the casual way which she mentioned it gave me some encouragement. She told me she had always wanted a puppy when she was a girl, so for the Easter weekend, I took her puppy shopping and let her pick out a dog she wanted. $700 later, with an extra $100 for puppy supplies, she now has the dog she always wanted and is totally in love with it. When I come over to her place, which is often now as she texts me invites, I help her clean. I move her couches and sweep as she focuses on picking up and putting away laundry. Some loser friend was giving her a hard time over on Facebook and made her upset, so I went the Chuck Norris route. I found the guy, and gave him a black eye. She was impressed. She said she never had anyone who fought or stood up for her. Finally, a friend of ours told me that she was talking about me, and she said that "I changed her life in ways I don't even know.", and that she does love and care about me. Not sure about the context, but none the less, still something to be pleased with. This is where we stand right now. My big goal is to kiss her on the lips. I have a feeling when that happens, the dam gates are going to burst and we'll either rise with our emotions or be sunk. I'll be back with updates as they happen.
  21. 1 point
    As someone who waited nearly 30 years to marry my cousin, I'm going to encourage you to go for it. I noticed that your signature is Pilipino. I don't know what the social or legal norms are there concerning cousin marriages/relationships. Barring any legal complications, pursue this relationship in spite of the flack your family may give you. They don't get to decide your path to happiness. They don't have to walk in your shoes everyday. I've learned that my family doesn't truly wish me well due to their cold-shouldered response to my husband. That's their loss. Yes, it's easier to say that to accept - I still cry on occasion over their actions towards me. But ultimately, I am happier with my husband's love than with the conditional requirements of my family.
  22. 1 point
    I'm not sure if it's appropriate for this forum, or even this site, so I apologise if this post content is deemed unsuitable and I welcome the moderator or site controller to remove it...... Intimacy The level of intimacy in the bedroom (& other places) that we enjoy and love is so far beyond anything either of us has experienced before, it's difficult to put into worlds. The incredibly strong emotional connection we feel is enhanced and intensified when we are physically intimate. I would say we are normal in terms of the activities but the joy, satisfication, mental, emotional and physical connection is nothing short of amazing (and oh so satisfying for us both) I'm not sure if this is a result of being first cousins or being in our early 30's with a little prior experience before we got together or whether it's a male/female attraction of the greatest intensity without the cousin factor but I do know we are amazing together ..... mentally, emotionally and physicall. On every possible level we are soulmates.
  23. 1 point
    Well I do not know if mine classifies as a success story regarding our relationship with our family since we live a continent away from everybody who knows we are cousins to avoid judgment and prejudice... But we have been married for almost 12 years and have 2 children, we love each other and we have God in our lives, so I guess it is...