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Showing content with the highest reputation since 12/08/2018 in all areas

  1. 4 points
    This is a post I've been meaning to write for a while, because I see so many people struggling with their feelings, and with how the world will/is responding. And I too struggled for years, and thought the idea of being with my cousin was impossible, and thought that if we were together, if by some chance he felt about me the way I felt about him, things would be impossibly hard. We've been married for about two months now. At the very least, members of our family(ies) accept us, and some of them are very happy we're together. Our friends all know and accept us. We are very lucky, and our world is not going to be what everyone gets, but I've learned that there are some advantages to cousin relationships that most relationships don't have, and I want to share that, because I think a lot of you don't know that, and are scared and confused, and I want you to know that not only are cousin relationships NOT impossible, but there are some things that make them special. So, for one thing. If/when your family accepts your relationship, here's a big plus: you are both invested in the same people. When our mutual grandmother (she just turned 87 and lives by herself) needs help, we are both right there to do everything we can. If one of us is more available than the other, that person spends the night at her house. If she's not feeding herself right, we both remind her of that, and if one of us decides to buy her nutritional supplements out of our grocery fund, the other one is happy about that. This is our family. We take care of them, and we both know why, and we both agree on that. Related, if there is a disagreement in the family, we send in the one of us who is best positioned to handle it. So, my husband/cousin's mother's husband (no relation to either of us) emailed the family saying he thought we should all come together and force our grandmother (again, no relation of his) into assisted living. And we talked about how to respond, and in that case my husband/cousin handled it beautifully. And I'm the one who calls our grandmother at least once a week, and tells her we both love her, and checks in on how she's doing, because I'm better on the phone. All of the above is about family, which is really important. But the personal is even more important. My husband/cousin and I saw each other a couple of times a year when we were kids. We didn't see each other for about ten years from adolescence to adulthood. After that, we saw each other again about twice a year, until I moved close to him and things got complicated. But at that point, I already knew him. I'd known him my whole life. We always talked freely about our relationships to each other. I watched him be a father to another woman's three girls, who weren't his, until she made it impossible for him. I knew what he would be like in a relationship before I was ever with him. I knew his strengths, and his flaws, just as he knew mine. And I knew that his strengths were exactly what I needed, and I knew that I complimented his flaws. I walked into this relationship knowing exactly what I was walking into, and loving him for who he is. To me, that's the most powerful potential about a cousin relationship. That you can know the other person, so well, on other terms, before you become romantically involved or commit to them. That's not something most people get to have. Anyone who reads this and is struck by it, or anyone who is struggling with the possibility of a cousin relationship, please feel free to respond here, or to message me directly. And for those of you who are in happy cousin relationships: anything to add?
  2. 2 points
    My advice is to immediately invite him to stay at your house! HUGS Nat
  3. 2 points
    I feel Dr. Phil was very rude to this couple. I hope they are keeping strong, and anyone else Dr.phil discouraged.
  4. 2 points
    An 8 year old who has a fabulous relationship with the father - the ex is going to lose!!!! There are going to be lots of people feeling very jealous of your happiness and some of them may be relatives. LOL So please keep us aware of how things are going. HUGS Nat
  5. 2 points
    Hubby and I, second cousins, are very happy. Married over15 years, retired for over 4, and having a great time traveling wherever we want in our RV! Life is good!
  6. 2 points
    What is it with you guys that just want to have sex with your cousin!!!! Do you not think enough of these young ladies to either have a REAL relationship with them and treat them as they should be treated or are you just STUPID enough to think that they think you are the BEST thing in the world to come their way??????? Honestly I may be old, but if I were either of your cousins I would kick you to the curb, and be HIGHLY insulted that you think so lowly of me! Maybe it is time to mature in your thinking, it isn't all about you.
  7. 2 points
    How old are the two of you?? He sounds really young or maybe immature. All you can do is keep repeating that your aren't interested, don't waver or give in. You don't need to feel guilty that you don't love him. If his feelings are hurt that is for him to work through, not for you to feel guilty about.
  8. 2 points
    Hey Zachary, personally, I was the exact same way. I was attracted to my second cousin from the second we first reconnected. He always acted as though he was attracted to me as well. But, when I found out we were cousins I completely shut the idea out of my head. I was scared. I was scared of what people would say. Scared of losing friends. Scared of how the family would react. It took me getting in a relationship, and getting engaged to that abusive piece of trash to finally came around. Charles gave me the courage to leave. He was always there for me. It took that expierence for my sister to come to me and (although he had told me) tell me that genetic wise we would be fine and that I shouldn’t care what people think and say. It took her telling me that it wasn’t illegal in our state. It took seeing that no matter what, he was always going to be there for me. I don’t know if you’ve tried it yet or not but try going about it at the way of just showing her, it’s okay. Now, Charles and I have now been together for 9 months, he has started talking about the future... but... the only people who know we are together is my mother, sister, brother in law, niece and nephew, and a few of our friends. We have yet to take the leap and become public (his wanting... I want to scream it from the rooftop) hope i helped.
  9. 2 points
    here's the thing, too. and i don't know if your mom is a woman who lives her faith or just gives it lip service, so i'm not criticizing her specifically. but in general, people who don't stand up for God's law when it comes to other issues don't have the right to use the Bible to point fingers. especially since their fingers don't know what the Bible says to begin with.
  10. 2 points
    LOL those next verses aren't examples. they are the definitive list defining close kin. but unfortunately getting people to change their minds and believe that is easier said than done.
  11. 1 point
    Been along time since I stopped by. Judy went home 8 years ago which I believe was the last time I stopped by. Praying all is going well with everyone. Have a very merry Christmas!
  12. 1 point
    What do you guys do to have fun or for hobbies? I used to love to fish and prospect for gold. Fishing now seems a bit boring for a nondrinker. Also, I'm realizing, after 20-some years of marriage, how self-centered I am. I would especially like suggestions of things my wife might enjoy. Wife loves Rollercoasters. I believe in self-preservation. She does not hence a small dilemma. I'm thinking of taking her to one of those zip line outfits. Anyone done this? Also does a broken neck actually hurt as bad as it sounds?
  13. 1 point
    Yes! Welcome to our little corner of the universe. I hope you find all that you are looking for.
  14. 1 point
    /welcome! We are glad you are finding us helpful. Do feel free to share with us any of your questions and concerns. HUGS Nat
  15. 1 point
    If anyone is having any problems, please close the cc.com browser tab and clear your browser's cache. This should fix most problems. I had to do it.
  16. 1 point
    All done! Sorry I had to restart the server (making the website disappear for a moment). And sorry it took so long! What? An hour? I had to update several modules... tedious work! It appears that the forum is working properly. The main page has some problems but I will fix it. For you nerds, here are the specs of the new dedicated server: Intel Xeon E3-1240 V3 4x 3.30 GHz / 8 Threads32 GB RAM1 TB Enterprise SSD20 TB Monthly Transfer1Gbps Network Port I got a great deal (I think), so I can't complain. Even got them to upgrade the CPU and replace a 500 GB with 1 TB SSD! These people are like the phone company, one day late with the payment and they turn us off. 7 days they repo the server.
  17. 1 point
    It reminds me of the chapter of Job. God had the devil take everything from Job, but Job stayed faithful to God, and ultimately, was rewarded by God. God sometimes sends us challenges to, not only test us, but also strengthen us. Think of some of the challenges we face as a workout to beef up our muscles ?
  18. 1 point
    According to Forbidden Relatives (in our store), miscarriages among cousins were lower then the general population. They assume it's because the parent't blood chemistry is more similar. Not too little or to much. Here is what I would do. Forget the doctors. Go see someone from the National Society of Genetic Counselors. They will look a little bit into your background and order the appropriate genetic tests. If I had the money I would do that. In the end they can only give you a percentage. What threshold would change your mind about having kids? What about a 10 percent chance of having a baby with a birth defect. Would that change your mind? Some people (not cousins) may have a 50/50 chance. Now that is gut-wrenching agony. So maybe it's a waste of resources to see a counselor of genetics. It's like I told my doctor once that I was going to buy a blood pressure monitor. He asked why, "If your pressure is high, there isn't anything you can do about it." He saw everything bass-askwards, but there is some wisdom in that. Maybe you should stop looking for cause and effect and just try again.
  19. 1 point
    Thanks KC. I'm sorry your marriage to your cousin didn't work out. Maybe he's loved me longer than I have him, at least in this way, but now that I've gotten to really know him as an adult, he's definitely won my heart. I just wish cousins could divorce as cousins, not in the way you're experiencing. Hindsight is 20/20, right? Anyway, I've done research into this site for a while now, and even though you're going through a difficult time nearing divorce, please know you've helped many by launching this site. I dont feel like I'm doing something immoral anymore, having reviewed all the research provided on this site as well as biblically, and I hope you know how much that means to me and, I'm sure, so many others. Thank you!!
  20. 1 point
    As KC perfectly sums up Leviticus 18, it is about who you can and cannot marry. At first, when you read Leviticus 18:6, you will automatically think that you are not to approach any of kin for marriage. But when you read further, you realize that the bible specifies which kin you could not marry. Based from Leviticus 18, you cannot marry your father, mother, brother, sister, uncle, aunt, niece, nephew, daughter-in law, son-in law and so forth. However, when you scroll through the list, you then see that cousins are not on the list, meaning that God allows the marriage of cousins, explaining why many in the bible married their cousins. Now, let's say you are a Christian and meet a cousin and the two of you fall in love - what is next? You need to take a look at man's laws in regards to cousin marriage. As Romans 13:1 (NIV) states, 13 "Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God." Every country has their laws for cousin marriages. For the U.S., many states have restrictions with 1st cousin marriages, but with 2nd cousin marriages and above, they are legal in all 50 states. Always check your state's laws and or consult an attorney when getting specific advice about marriage with your cousin. I am pretty sure for many, your family and relatives finding out about your relationship may cause major issues and rifts. However, if you, your cousin and your families are Christians, a marriage between you and your cousin should technically not be a problem. But realistically, because people are still tied to the ways and cultures of the world, most would look at cousin marriages as odd or even vile. But just remember, as Christians, our most important question is: What does God think about it? As Matthew 6:33 (NIV) states, 33 "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
  21. 1 point
    Nobody thought of cousins as "close kin" in those days. The OT stories are full of people who married a cousin, and Jacob even married two -- Rachel and Leah. While these marriages were pre-Leviticus, the Jews were known to have a first-cousin marriage preference. So, the cousin part is certainly not any kind of problem, it was business as usual. God even instructed Jacob to go find a mate(s) from his father's side of the family. If we don't believe that God had foreknowledge of how smitten Jacob would be with his cousin, when we do not understand the God of the Bible. Nothing takes God by surprise. If we go back to the beginning, God is there. If we go to the end, God is already there waiting on us. He is omniscient and omnipresent and other big words that I am forgetting. He is not limited by mere physics because it was He who wrote E=MC2, not the other way around.
  22. 1 point
    LOL well my fave is the gum on the shoe one. i HATE stepping in gum!!! the site looks nice, KC. really. and great prices!
  23. 1 point
  24. 1 point
    First of all - take several very deep breaths and RELAX! This is a new relationship and you need to take time to figure it all out. You aren't teens so you can make your own decisions. If the families have problems they are their problems - not yours. The one thing that is most important, in my opinion, is his small child. How old is the child? That problem can be handled as well. Don't give in to fear and risk losing happiness. We are here to support and encourage you. HUGS Nat
  25. 1 point
    I see her every few months. Thank you, Pooch.
  26. 1 point
    I see. How long have you had this feeling though? Pooch
  27. 1 point
    Question: Does she have a boyfriend? If you say no, how do you know? Pooch
  28. 1 point
    Magandang buhay po sa lahat.. Newbie lng po ako dito. Makiki-loop in po sana kung ok lng?Katulad din po ako sa inyu in love sa pinsan. , i've been living with my cousin almost 9 years na at may 2 anak na kmi..8years old & 4 years old.. Natutuwa ako sa wakas dinala ako ni google sa site ng cc.com.
  29. 1 point
    If you are wanting more than a friendship with her, that should be out of the question, you are both married and that means hands off for both of you.. There is no need to tell her of your feelings because of the afore mentioned reason.
  30. 1 point
    That sounds just awful that people today can voice such hostile negativity. I would say "Just ignore it" but I can imagine that after a while, and after the consistency of that kind of negativity; it just gets you down. So understandably you are struggling lately; I think you've done the right thing by firstly talking about it; that helps; and just to let you know that you are not alone. When life gets me down, or people for that matter, I try to focus on the things that really matter to me; I find that helps too Kinda puts things into perspective. So yeah....talk about it...and focus on whats important to you in life; and if possible; cut the haters loose from your life.
  31. 1 point
    We are second cousins, married 15 years. No problems with family, except for a few comments in fun. We just don't announce it to the world. It isn't any of business of others unless we want them to know. I'm not sure what you are struggling with, but if you have been married that long, something must be working. Did your families have any problem with your relationship? Personally speaking, you may be borrowing trouble where there is none. Because the Utah couple chose to be so public, doesn't mean you have too. Of course many of those cruel/mean comments that are made toward them are behind the anonymity of the internet and very well might not be so cruel/mean in a face to face situation. Also most of them are not aware of the state laws and biblical recognition of cousin couple relationships. They speak from ignorance of the correct information. Don't let the negativity integrate into your relationship. At the end of the day they get no say in your life. Best wishes as you work through our struggles.
  32. 1 point
    It’s a tricky one Asteriia, I think when you are younger stuff is already very intense and confusing before you add in something like this. You both have a long way to go in life and there is a risk a mistake now could make things hard for you both and for your family. A strong friendship is also a special thing to share with someone and a good foundation for the future if that is still what you feel is right down the track. It’s hard to imagine how much time you have when you are young but you have lots. Also if it’s the law where you are you should follow that for now even if you don’t agree with it.
  33. 1 point
    No no no.. Don't put this on you, Angel. Besides, I don't think you even rejected him. And if you did (from his POV), then it's on him. What you can do though is make sure you distance yourself around him. Sure, don't change anything and don't be awkward.. but at the same time, treat this thing as a "harmless crush"... Just care for him as a brother and that's it. Also, just a quick question, do you have a boyfriend? Coz if you do, then focus your attention to your boyfriend and not to your cousin.... Your cousin can deal with his crap by himself. Yes he is shy and has baggages and all but that's fine.. From his POV, it's better for him to tell you his feelings anyways rather than bottle it up and regret it. So I guess that's cool. Pooch
  34. 1 point
    You did the right thing. Sounds like he is acting impulsively as a reaction to the end of his last relationship. Always better to wait long, than marry wrong. he will see this in time and forget about it eventually.
  35. 1 point
    I think you fellas might be being a bit harsh here. Obviously there is additional risk in this kind of relationship at the onset that makes people unsure so all you need to add to that is a fairly moderate level of female insecurity and it gets hard to see the forest for the trees for most men. It’s not easy to put yourself out there like that and without being able to see a persons response it’s even harder. I’m imagining you are getting these declarations in emails and in a different time zone so by the time you read it, work through your own stuff and are ready to respond she’s panicked and feels rejected and pathetic. It’s a very real possibility she doesn’t know how you feel but maybe senses it then talks herself out of it thinking she is imagining it. Irrespective of the current status I would tell her you feel it too. Maybe it doesn’t go anywhere, maybe it opens up a conversation you need to have, maybe it’s to best thing you ever do. They are all better outcomes than maybe I should have said something once it’s too late. we (women) are basically all a bit crazy in love so if you think you have found one that isn’t, it probably just means she a better liar. That’s much worse. Be that strong man KC and Pooch are talking about, channel your inner Billy Joel and tell her about it I say.
  36. 1 point
    It sounds to me like this is actually blackmail. Win a lottery jackpot and see how they talk THEN!! They have NO right to control you lives. Hang in there and good luck! HUGS Nat
  37. 1 point
    The divorce may be influencing the children's reaction. If his wife is narcissistic, or not, she may be doing some parent-alienation and telling the kids how terrible the father is, and she might do that no matter who he was involved with. They may well disown the father until they want some money, and then they might try to guilt him to get it. I think the family dynamics here is a bigger force in this situation than the cousin-romance. The father might want to talk to a therapist about how to handle this situation. Certainly a cousin-romance makes the situation worse, but I have a sneaking suspicion that things wouldn't be too much different, if he was not with his cousin. Best of luck.
  38. 1 point
    And this is where? On the internet? As Nattana said, people say stupid things all the time...even all the more, hurtful things. You dont need to justify if you got feelings for your cousin. They are your feelings and they cannot be wrong. If I am in pain, nobody in the world including the great Dr. Derek Sheppherd can say thay I am not in pain, because that is what I feel. Same goes if you are happy. If you are genuinely happy (with your cousin for example), people cannot say you are incorrect for feeling that way. So let people deal with that -- but you live your life. Our website has done very good research throughout the years. I have been in this forum since my freshman in college. I have not seen anybody rebut (all the more, refute) any of the points here. (I guess because they are facts!) H I mean, I can flip it around and tell the one that say "ew. Thats like sleeping with your brother", for typical relationships, "Eeew! Sleeping with a stranger? You dont know that person. You dont even know his genetic background. Disgusting." Now, it might not have the same fangs as the comment by critics due to social construct but we can argue that it goes both ways. Nevertheless, if the place where you guys at allows you to be married, nobody is stopping you guys. For even God is not disfavoring cousin marriages; matter of fact, He may even like it! (Ambra_flows mentioned Leviticus) and as seen in the examples in human history. So yeah, welcome to CC forum. Enjoy your stay! Pooch
  39. 1 point
    The book of Leviticus in the Bible gives a detailed definition of incest, and cousin love is NOT there. It is legal to marry your cousin in Canada and parts of the U.S., and other parts of the world, so I imagine that places that allow it, know it's not incest. Read other cousin-marriage facts on this website to learn other things about cousin-marriage. And perhaps think about how you would feel if you broke off your engagement to your fiancee. Would you regret losing him for any reason, including the fact that you let people dissuade you because he was your cousin? Those people who say "incest" aren't going to help you find someone else you want to marry if you break up with your cousin. Critics can be good at criticizing, but they're not there to help you put your life together years down the road. Those people are usually gone by then. Live your life on your own terms. Be prepared to face the consequences of any of your actions, knowing that there are advantages and disadvantages to everything you do and choose. Best of luck Ambra
  40. 1 point
    KC: Your response is exactly why I responded the way I did. I really think she is just trying to get under our skin
  41. 1 point
    Its actually good. But, the orange header colour is too bright and the yellow colour of the logo is not clearly visible.
  42. 1 point
    My dad and her grandfather are either first or second cousins what would that make me and her?
  43. 1 point
    Oh wonderful. looks like another Tyra blind side hit piece. From here on out, if I see a producer in here asking for "volunteers", I am going to reply to NOT be looking for victims here, and that they will be smacked with the banhammer if they ignore me. I am beyond sick of good people being used in these hit pieces for ratings. I'll not be a party to it, and I'll not allow our members here to be further abused by these scallywags. If you are a producer, or from a production company, consider yourself warned........ the junk yard dog is back.....?
  44. 1 point
    Why do you only work 30 hours a week? Are you crippled or something? If you don't like the fact that your husband keeps pointing out that you're lazy then I would just tell him so. I I would try to make my husband happy. Get a second job. He probably knows you are running around like a little busy bee. Yeah too much time on your hands. Well obviously he is right. You have enough time to chase after your rugged cousin. What does rugged mean anyway? I like to think of myself as rugged. Sometimes I skip a day without shaving. Go do some work please. Something constructive.
  45. 1 point
    @ladyc, they are trying to see if they can post spam. Hey bums, you can't!
  46. 1 point
    Thank you very much sir, problem fixed :).
  47. 1 point
    Please try again and let me know if the problem is resolved. The problem is on my end. Sorry for the trouble!
  48. 1 point
    DillerDahl: Welcome to cc.com and thanks for your question. I am afraid that LadyC is correct and doesn't need a lesson on genetics. Hey, there is certainly room for all of us to learn more about DNA and kinship. You are so distantly related that I can't determine what your relationship is. You are not double cousins and you certainly are not inbred. You are just uninformed. The Brittish Pakistanis that you referenced are an anomaly -- a fluke resulting from the founder effect. Feel free to look that term up. Your stats are too wacky to correct. Good luck to you and please take a chill pill.
  49. 1 point
    Right! People usually only use what is best suited for them (bible verses related). But if the bible is the "main reason" on - why you should not date your cousin - then there is really nothing to discuss, as it says absolutely nothing.
  50. 1 point
    Woy! Taimis! Mabuti naman.. Mabuti.. Tuloy, tuloy.. Welcome po kayo..hehe. dapat magpapakilala tayo isa-isa. Umpisahan ko nga. hehe. Ako po si Pooch. Tubong Marikina, laking Paranaque. Inlab sa pinsan, nagtataka kung ba't "di pwede". Itinanim sa kukote, kadugo ko ang sabi-sabi Ako'y naturete kasi ang tawagan namin ay 'baby'. Minsan mapait ang buhay pero kailangang lampasan Binigay ng Maykapal kaya tanggapin na lamang. Iniaalay ng tula... sa inyo'y kamusta'y wagas. May pag-asa kami ng mahal ko, para sa magandang bukas... Pooch
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