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  1. 4 points
    for the record, i see no reason why you could never be with him publicly. i've been married to my first cousin once removed for 19 years. and in your circumstances, apparently at least one family member that noticed the connection between you two has no problem with it.
  2. 3 points
    As I read through this, the thing that stuck in my mind is his question, "are you sure you're okay with this" (or something like that - sorry, too lazy to scroll back up! LOL). I don't remember seeing anything explicitly stating that you're BOTH single. Is that the case? Are there any kids involved for either of you? If he's asking that, I suspect he's gauging to see if he can move this to the next level, which would probably be a lot more intimate, or at least as intimate as two people can be over remote distance. The Internet has certainly closed some of those gaps with things like Skype, FaceTime, SnapChat, WhatsApp, and the like. My only advice, if that is the case, is to be very careful with what you share of yourself and how. If you both have strong romantic feelings toward one another, I'd say continue exploring this through friendship. Develop a strong friendship and get to know one another much more deeply. What motivates each of you in life? What are each of your life's dreams and goals? How do you see things in terms of world view (politics and religion)? On what points do you agree and disagree? These things seem small and insignificant when two people are in that initial stage that feels like "in love" but they balloon into "irreconcilable differences" when not resolved early on. Distance is negotiable. One, the other, or even both of you may at some point decide that a relationship and life together trumps whatever you have that's keeping you in your current location doing whatever you're currently doing. But before you get to that point, exercise great patience and get to know one another on levels beyond what you presently think possible. Win, lose, or draw, in ten or twenty years from now, you'll be glad you did. Best wishes and God bless, CM
  3. 3 points
    I married my 1st cousin in a State that allows first cousin marriages. I did not grow up with my cousin but met her later in my teens. I had recently gone through a divorce and needed help raising my child and she needed help raising her two children. We married and have two children together (NO birth defects).We have now been married for 18 years this spring. I find being married to my first cousin as somewhat of a relief, mainly due to we both have a vested interest in the uplifting of our family. We are what you may call the nucleus of our extended family. Family members Come to us for help and advise because we are stable in our marriage and careers. At this point in our marriage, I honestly dont think about the fact that we are related. My wife is my special person, and I am hers. We keep our family business to ourselves due to protection for our children that are now teenagers, Both children do well in school and receive decent grades. This website helped me explain to my children that they are no different from any other children. I would not encourage or discourage anyone from marrying their first cousin, I believe it’s a matter of personal preference and understanding the repercussions with family if it doesn’t work out. Thanks again to this website for presenting needed facts about cousin marriage early in our relationship.
  4. 3 points
    LadyC was so much more calm than I was when I first read this. I'll have to give her major kudos for having much wisdom to see this through the right eyes. Okay, Ku, here goes: She's right. Sex is not a sport and if you treat it like one, you'll eventually have major regrets... and the ladies who play it with you will have even bigger regrets that none of you can see right now. Now, that aside, let's just suppose that my moral judgment on the matter didn't actually exist or have any basis in reality. Even so, as LadyC point out, sex with your cousin, whether for casual fun or as part of a serious relationship should be entered into with a lot more consideration than anyone else. A girlfriend, "hookup", fling, or whatever can be here today, gone tomorrow, and if you can both pretend there is nothing left over afterward (and if no children come to remind you) - well, that's all well and good and you can just pretend you never met. Not so with a cousin. She'll be part of your life until one of you is dead (and then some). There's just no way around that. Ten years later, you're both married and have kids and it's time for the larger family to get together for a holiday, funeral, or wedding. Guess what? You're both going to be there (or avoiding it because the other might be there) and you'll have to look each other in the eyes and know. Your future wife will know or may find out. Awkward. Trust? Nope. She won't have you spending a minute alone together and with good reason. Just. Don't.
  5. 2 points
    I was very scared when I found out I was pregnant with my first cousins baby. I was so afraid I would give birth to a baby who had defects. After discussing with my Dr. about why I was concerned about the pregnancy, he told me, I could have a normal & healthy baby like any other woman. He did the normal tests that you get done while being pregnant and everything was fine in my case. I gave birth to a very healthy 8lb 3.5 oz baby boy. To this day, we have a normal, healthy 40 year old. :-) I would suggest you talk with your Dr. first and see what he/she thinks. I am quite sure blood tests can provide the information needed so, you can decide what course of action you and your cousin should take with having a child. Wishing you all the best.
  6. 2 points
    exactly! pooch, at two years, most people are still enjoying a honeymoon stage. his wife is having an emotional affair and treating her husband like yesterday's garbage. what's worse, she's allowing other people to treat him with disrespect. this isn't an isolated incident for his wife, she's been doing it over and over even after being caught. she's not likely to stop. if she had any interest in stopping, she wouldn't keep disrespecting him and then manipulating him with threats of suicide. it's a double whammy. it's emotional infidelity and emotional blackmail. he needs to cut loose from her before things get more psychotic.
  7. 2 points
    Murder should be the last resort, not divorce. Kidding! Kidding! The reason some couples stay married for 50 years isn't because they are so compatible but because they have lived through total crap together. The problem here is that his wife is continuing to hold on to this inappropriate relationship. There appears to be nothing left to do except lace up the walking shoes.
  8. 2 points
    hi elie if you two have a child together, only the nearest kinship would be applicable. so he (or she) would simply be your child... and your cousin's child. the answer you're looking for would be first cousin twice removed... but like i said, that relationship is not one that would be counted or considered for any purpose other than curiosity's sake. but your child isn't going to be a freak show in a traveling circus, so that's just useless information! if you two get married, his dad will be your father-in-law. the fact that he's also your first cousin once removed is irrelevant. your family dynamic has changed. for the record, i'm also married to my first cousin once removed. his dad is my first cousin. we've been married for 19 years... i never could wrap my head around calling him "dad", so i just call him by his first name. but then again, i never called my in-laws from my previous (unrelated) marriage mom or dad either. your child would only considered the 'grandchild' of your parents and your cousin's. likewise, your child would only be the niece or nephew to any of your siblings or your cousin's... no need to count the generations and try to sort out the degrees of kinship or who is once, twiced, or not-at-all removed. always remember the nearest degree is the only one that counts. so the relational stuff would be exactly as it would be if the father were not related to you at all. hope that helped!
  9. 2 points
    The cousin is half way around the world; there is no need to sell the farm just yet. First, I will say that your wife is being so damn immature that it is apparently making me cuss outloud (wife is asking me why I am cussing). Your wife is being very hurtful to you. I wish I could give her some frank advice. Her indifference over the fate of her marriage is stunning. I would make it clear that this is an intolerable situation and that I was leaving if she ever installed messenger again. You have to have boundaries to have a healthy relationship and for your mental health. Set them, stick to them, and let the cards fall where they may. PS putting her phone in the oven on 400F overnight might make you feel a little better.
  10. 2 points
    When we got married 16 years ago my wife and I decided we would try to do something we've never done, or go somewhere we've never been at least 3-4 times a year. We've taken vacations in D.C. , Idaho, an Alaskan cruise, and many other places.In February we went snowmobiling for the first time. Next weekend we're going to a Celtic festival. And whether we enjoy it or decide "Never again" the point is we are experiencing and sharing it together. There is so much to see and do in this world I'm sure you'll find something you'll both enjoy.
  11. 2 points
    If kindness were a sign, then I would have a crush on everyone I meet.
  12. 2 points
    Thanks for the advice everyone. I do worry about moving too slow, and I'm trying the best I can to get over the idea to her that I'm in love with her without having to say it. UPDATE: I have told her that if we had met sooner in life, that she would have been my girl. She giggled and wondered what my dad, her uncle, would have said, and I told her I wouldn't have cared. A few weeks later, some friends of ours married and they were in fact, second cousins. She didn't blink an eye at their union, and I used this as an excuse to explain to her that many famous people ended up marrying their cousins. A couple of days after the wedding, we talked about it some more, and she herself said "Well, it would have been like if you and I had hooked up...", which I took as a good sign because if the thought wouldn't had been on her mind, she never would have said anything. Also, the casual way which she mentioned it gave me some encouragement. She told me she had always wanted a puppy when she was a girl, so for the Easter weekend, I took her puppy shopping and let her pick out a dog she wanted. $700 later, with an extra $100 for puppy supplies, she now has the dog she always wanted and is totally in love with it. When I come over to her place, which is often now as she texts me invites, I help her clean. I move her couches and sweep as she focuses on picking up and putting away laundry. Some loser friend was giving her a hard time over on Facebook and made her upset, so I went the Chuck Norris route. I found the guy, and gave him a black eye. She was impressed. She said she never had anyone who fought or stood up for her. Finally, a friend of ours told me that she was talking about me, and she said that "I changed her life in ways I don't even know.", and that she does love and care about me. Not sure about the context, but none the less, still something to be pleased with. This is where we stand right now. My big goal is to kiss her on the lips. I have a feeling when that happens, the dam gates are going to burst and we'll either rise with our emotions or be sunk. I'll be back with updates as they happen.
  13. 2 points
    https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.popsci.com/amp/marrying-cousins-genetics Not sure if someone else has already shown you guys this, but good to see this info mainstream papers!
  14. 2 points
    1. No she won't. This thought is only on your head. If a girl finds you attractive, then she finds you attractive. The age factor will come in later but since the ball is already rolling, then it's not going to be a big issue. And besides, it's not like you're gonna marry her tomorrow and have 3 kids the next year, eh?! You are just asking whether she has a boyfriend or not! And if you hit on her, then own it in your most subtle way. I'm thinking along the lines of, say she tells you explicitly (or though like) "Are you hitting on me!???" Then have the attitude, by implication, to have the posture of "Yeah.. I am hitting on you. Now, girl whatcha gonna do!?" Boom! There ya go.. Know what I'm sayin? Although you lead the thing, you pass the ball to her to respond. You got nothing to lose... 2. If it doesn't work out, who would know!? Would her brother know? Would her parents know? Who would know? The only people who would know is you and her. It's not like she's gonna tell everybody, make an announcement or something and go like "Heeeey everyone! ESSEX is hitting on me!" blah blah blah... There is no possibility that that will happen. lol. So you know... If it does not work out, in other words if she rejects you, then it's going to be between you and her. Now eventually though, some people would know. But then those are still on the long run and besides, it's easy to deny those...so no harm done. 3. The direct approach will work because it will "shock" her. Make sure though that you have the right timing. Now I wouldn't know that --- you know when is the best time. I suggest doing it when it's only between the two of you. Maybe when you guys are together in the car or when you guys do errands together or something.. But do it when private and not many people around. The shyness won't be a factor especially if you asked if she already has a boyfriend or not. Make her comfortable....and not accusatory. Ask in a soft but stern way, "Have you been seeing some guys?" or something along those lines.. Basically you want to know her status..her love life.. Or maybe ask her "Are you open for marriage?!" Then follow it up with, "Just kidding." LOL. Make it playful, fun and make her laugh....like how you were attracted to her 5 years ago. By the way, is she working right now? Like in McDonalds or something? If she has a part-time job, then that means she has work experience and have been dealing with people already.. So she may not be THAT shy as you have described. 4. What do you mean spotlights? You are not going to court her ora-mismo, my friend... you know? I'm not saying that you go too strong.. What I'm saying is be direct. Say for example, it came upon your conversation with each other that you guys are talking about how your parents got married or how your parents courted one another... or probably you guys are talking about your friend's boyfriend or girlfriend... anything related to boy-girl-relationships, aight? Then that's the time you drop the bomb: a direct question that will show that you are a guy and that she is a girl. Know what I'm saying? Don't think too much my friend! Don't analyze things... See what works.. When do you think you guys are going to see each other? Pooch
  15. 2 points
    I'm going to share and express my thoughts about cousin marriages... Stay tuned... Good subscribe to Sage Nation.... The episode will come in two weeks... I'm going to start my podcast again on Thursday March 15th.... Please subscribe and support my channel
  16. 2 points
    he's right, ya know. if you do want to repair your relationship with your child's father, you absolutely can. it will take work, but it can be done. that's the other part of my story that i didn't share... mine and mark's marriage was definitely on the verge of collapse at one point. in fact, it was on the verge for several years. but we overcame it, and for the last six years, i've had the marriage of my dreams, with the man i made a commitment to 19 years ago. there's another book that i would recommend along with what CM suggested... the love dare. you can get the audio book free here: http://bit.ly/lovedareaudio (it's free with a 30 day trial to their audio service, but you can cancel and keep the book.)
  17. 2 points
    Well, this is what I get for reading too fast (skimming): I missed a lot of important details! Pooch, Romalee, and LadyC all picked up on this pretty quickly. Honestly, LadyC called it exactly what it is - an "emotional affair." So let's get to the root of what an affair is. First, this has nothing to do with the fact that he is your cousin. That fact only allowed the access and closeness for nature to take its course. You're a woman and he's a man and you have very specific needs that he was meeting. In this case, you need and crave the affection, the conversation, the apparent honesty and openness you share - all of this hits you in a place you just can't resist and you're head over heels. At that same time, he very likely finds you physically attractive, you admire certain things about him and presumably tell him so. Maybe you enjoy doing things together or have similar hobbies or like the same types of movies. If I'm right, it won't be long before he tries to persuade you to share some of those intimate moments online (FaceTime, SnapChat, etc.), because that will ultimately hit him in a similar place. Because of how he makes you feel, maybe you'll even agree - after all, you'd likely enjoy the rush of feelings. This is a death spiral for both of your current relationships or family situations and nothing good can possibly come of it. There are children involved and, though you're not married to the father of your daughter, you rightly see that you can't just up and leave where you are because you have roots there. He has children he likewise cannot uproot. Are your current relationships suffering? Yup. And they will continue to decay and rot and stink and fester until they eventually die if you don't turn the ship around. So, are your feelings normal? You bet! Normal and natural and very human. They're also destructive and wrong - not wrong because you're cousins but wrong because of the damage they'll cause and because their source isn't real (it's not that you love one another this way, but rather that you love the idea of what you wish your current relationships could and should be). The good news, now that I've rained all over everyone's parade, is that you CAN have a full restoration of your current relationship and have in that relationship exactly what you're experiencing in your affair. You really can! It will mean breaking off the affair, thanking one another for being there in a season of drought and doubt but understanding that you simply cannot continue any kind of private relationship going forward if you are to succeed in repairing your current one. I say this because you had a child with this man and he's still in your life. That usually happens because you actually were passionate for and about one another at some point. At some point, you called one another all of those cute names and used silly voices when you'd talk and all of that other mushy stuff couples do early on. You can repair that. If you're interested, I recommend a couple of books (or Audible books): 1) The Five Love Languages 2) His Needs, Her Needs Start with those and see where they lead. Best wishes and God bless, CM
  18. 2 points
    Welcome to the site. First off you are not second cousins, but first cousins once removed. As opposed to Pooch, (no offense intended) I fail to see what his looks have to do with the relationship. But I do think he makes some valid observations otherwise. My personal opinion, and it is only mine, is there is just infatuation and maybe lust going on here. You neither one really KNOW the other, and four months is a very short time, being you are so far apart. Texting, talking etc. just doesn't make up for actually spending time in each others presence. I'm not saying that it isn't possible, but there are other considerations. If you want to proceed with cousin then it would be best to end it with boyfriend. You then start with a clean slate and it allows said boyfriend to have one also. If you and cousin really want to be together, there is always a way to work things out for being able to live in the same area. Otherwise, to me, this appears to be a FWB type of thing. OK, maybe I am wrong about the intentions of both sides, if I am, sorry I misunderstood. Best wishes as you work thorough this on your journey.
  19. 2 points
    do you really want honest opinions? because most people really don't. but here it is, i'll give it to you straight. you should slow way, way down. you're 16 years old (or close to it) for crying out loud! all those raging hormones that you're feeling are going to drive you (or her) straight to heartbreak ridge. it's virtually impossible at your ages to have a sexual relationship without it getting all tangled up in a web of emotion. sex isn't a sport, and having sex with a cousin is nothing you should take lightly. don't you think she deserves better than to be your playmate?
  20. 2 points
    LOL well with us, he used the standard line.... 'if we weren't cousins i'd marry you'. i can't remember what i said back, but it may have been something along the lines of 'don't let that stop you', because we didn't. we were married about 7 months later. most states are friendly towards first cousins once removed marrying. i think only 6 prohibit it. you should gather up your courage and toss the subject out there and see where it lands! if her daughter is already saying you two seem close but she doesn't seem to have any objections (and trust me, at 16 you would KNOW if she had any objections already!) then it's likely the daughter is sitting back watching things unfold with a bit of amusement at how long it's taking.
  21. 2 points
    four years ago was a lifetime in terms of your maturity (and his). the uproar it caused back then may be something that barely gets an eyebrow raised now.
  22. 2 points
    he can't do that. he can tell her he thinks someone is bad news but ultimately, he has to let her make her own decisions... even bad ones. i'm a girl. an old one now, but nonetheless i'm a girl, and i can tell you that any good guy who tries to interfere with a girl's attraction to a bad boy is going to lose the girl completely. besides, if he's in love with the girl there will never be anyone else that he thinks is good enough for her. better to just be there to pick up the pieces.
  23. 2 points
    she is still a child. she can't even legally marry you for at least three years, and in most states four years. so here's what you do. be her friend. do everything you can to make sure that friendship is rock solid... long before you ever even try to kiss her, you focus on being the best friend any girl could have. because if that friendship isn't as solid as a rock, you'll never even get to the proposal stage... and if you did, you'd be making a quick trip to the divorce stage. you encourage her to study hard and set goals. YOU study hard and set goals for yourself so that you will be able to one day have a job that will pay enough to support her and a few children. you want a job that will allow you to help her dreams come true, whether those dreams are to go to college or to raise horses. you treat her with the utmost respect and never betray her trust physically or emotionally. you treat her PARENTS with the utmost respect. if you don't have them on your side, you are setting your future up for probable failure. you live your life for the next four years. and you wait. if you don't have patience now, you're never going to have the patience that it takes to grow old with someone. if she's really worth having, she's worth waiting for. so whatever you do, you leave sex OFF the table for the next several years. you allow her to live her life. in the next several years she is going to date other guys. you keep your mouth shut and let her, even when it seems like a long term thing. she needs to learn what it's like to be in a relationship and how to handle romance. that's how a girl learns what to look for in a man and how to (someday) be a good wife. you live YOUR life. you need to be dating others also. because if you don't learn how to be a good boyfriend before you tell her how you feel, you're going to make a really lousy boyfriend if you ever do get to go out with her... and then you can forget about proposing do not confuse 'dating' with 'screwing'. dating is all about respecting someone. screwing is the lack of respect. remember the 3 Ps of a good romance... Protection, Preparation, and Provision. those three words come with a whole new lesson plan. if you're serious, let me know and i'll teach you what those things mean in a relationship.
  24. 2 points
    I'm not sure if it's appropriate for this forum, or even this site, so I apologise if this post content is deemed unsuitable and I welcome the moderator or site controller to remove it...... Intimacy The level of intimacy in the bedroom (& other places) that we enjoy and love is so far beyond anything either of us has experienced before, it's difficult to put into worlds. The incredibly strong emotional connection we feel is enhanced and intensified when we are physically intimate. I would say we are normal in terms of the activities but the joy, satisfication, mental, emotional and physical connection is nothing short of amazing (and oh so satisfying for us both) I'm not sure if this is a result of being first cousins or being in our early 30's with a little prior experience before we got together or whether it's a male/female attraction of the greatest intensity without the cousin factor but I do know we are amazing together ..... mentally, emotionally and physicall. On every possible level we are soulmates.
  25. 2 points
    Hmm. Well, I'm sure mine is buried in these pages somewhere but I'm too lazy to go look for it. Here are the highlights: We've known one another most of our lives but grew up in separate states. I developed a bit of a small crush on her when we were young teens but our "romantic" relationship happened quite accidentally when we were young adults (18 and 20). The vast majority of our family was absolutely opposed. A few came around quickly, a few took some time, and some are no longer in our lives. Not the outcome we'd hoped for but we learned we can't (and shouldn't try to) control other people's decisions any more than we should be beholden to their's. We've been married over 20 years. We have two kids, both absolutely amazing, beautiful, brilliant, and in perfect health; both graduated high school with honors and both are currently on the Dean's List at a major private university where they attend with the help of some academic scholarships (I guess that takes care of the "feeble minded" myth of the Eugenics movement). Hope this helps! Best wishes, CM
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