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LadyC

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Everything posted by LadyC

  1. It's free on amazon prime. it's my new favorite christmas movie.
  2. LadyC

    Moderators needed

    LOL sorry, i know you've kicked him out, but this just made me laugh! and yeah, i remember when we got positive feedback. it made it feel like what we did here made a difference. i think that's why we're all burnt out, because there is so little appreciation from those we try to help. for what it's worth, it's not just here that i'm suffering burn-out. i just "quit" the pantry, too. it's not that i don't care anymore about the hungry people, i am just ready for someone else to feed them. i guess that doesn't sound very Christ-like.
  3. LadyC

    Moderators needed

    Wow, that's a sad commentary for churches. I wish I could just say you're wrong, or most churches aren't like that, but I can't. The last two churches I belonged to (one where I used to live years ago, and another that just never had enough members to keep the doors open) and the one I'm attending now are certainly not that way, but my husband and I visited lots and lots of churches to find ones that were truly welcoming. You're right about this forum not really being very welcoming either, in that a lot of threads don't ever get comments. I can only speak for myself when I say that after 20 years here my heart really isn't in it anymore. I wish it wasn't like that, but it's true. The site seems to be on life support and *this* piece of equipment is worn out.
  4. LadyC

    Moderators needed

    hi hawk! i've also missed seeing you around!
  5. yep, i'm here. i see no problem telling people you were married to your cousin, BUT, i see no reason to lead with that, either. when you put yourself on the market and start dating again, you're just getting to know people. it takes a while for them to move from the category of 'acquaintance' to 'soulmate', and i think the telling of things like that, if they're told at all, should be somewhere in the middle of those two. after you know him well enough to decide if he's someone you might want to consider long term, but before you're so deeply invested that your whole world would be turned upside down if you found out he just can't accept your past.
  6. LadyC

    Free VPN Beta testers wanted

    i don't even know what vpn means.
  7. LadyC

    Confused

    taylor, you're welcome for me taking the time. i do want you to consider though that perhaps the reason you can't refuse is because the excitement of NOT refusing is more than you can handle. true love, in every sense of the world, is about doing what is right for the other person. giving in to her sexually is not really serving her best interest, is it?
  8. LadyC

    Confused

    I doubt she could be charged with anything. She's the minor, you are the responsible party. It may sound insane, but even thought "she started it", in the eyes of the law here in the states, she could not legal consent to any sexual activity. So let's consider your other question. Are you (and she) even straight for doing this. My guess is that you are probably both straight, but that's only my guess. MY opinion is that our culture, the media, and whatever, has so "normalized" abnormal behavior that it has left an entire generation just like you... confused. Just like your username indicates, and just as you have expressed twice in this thread. I know that society (and many people here on this forum, even) wants to destroy the notion that sexual experimentation outside of the marriage bed in a same-sex union is abnormal, but it is. There is a reason that God prohibits certain types of relationships. And it's not because He wants to stifle us. Rather, it's because He wants us to experience sex the way HE intended it to be. Beautiful, nurturing, intimate, and life-long. Sex outside of those boundaries is a cheap imitation of His most precious gift to us. Now, I say this while fully acknowledging that I was promiscuous when I was younger. But here's the thing. With age comes hindsight. And although I am very happy in my marriage and will be celebrating 20 years in January, I have struggled my entire life with THAT aspect of my marriage being as fulfilling as I know it should be. Not because my husband isn't good enough, but because there are so many images and memories in my head that I struggle to keep turned off so that I can enjoy giving myself 100% to the man I'm devoted to. I've never experimented with another woman, but just like you and everybody else here, I've seen images that have stuck in my head. In my younger years, those images were pretty much limited to pornography viewing. For your generation though, it has been brought into the mainstream media and you can't escape it. And then society pushes this agenda that makes young people feel guilty of bigotry and phobias if they don't swing both ways. Don't let society teach you what is right and what isn't. Every society throughout history has been full of screwed up agendas, and our current one is no exception.
  9. LadyC

    Confused

    i don't know about where you are, but in america, yes, it is statutory rape and is a criminal offense. we're not just talking jail time, we're talking a lifetime of having to be publically registered as a sex offender, which limits how close you can live to schools, how much distance you must maintain from any public playground, and a whole host of other things. not just for a few years, but for the rest of your life. i suppose you should be glad she's the one in america and not you.
  10. LadyC

    Situation right now

    when i was 18, i thought of 27 year olds as "old men". maybe you just need to be patient and let her grow up a little more. at 18, she's still relatively new to the whole concept of relationships.
  11. LadyC

    Confused

    is it wrong? yes. on SO many levels. let's just start with the fact that she is FOURTEEN and you're 23! even though you keep saying you were a willing participant, you lay the responsibility squarely on her shoulders for initiating the kissing every time. who's the adult here? get your hormones under control. she is just a CHILD. it doesn't matter if she started it, you've got nearly a decade of experience when it comes to controlling your impulses. at least you should have, anyway. do you understand that you could go to prison for having this kind of relationship with her?
  12. LadyC

    NOT SURE if I should

    damaged, you're a grown man. she's a grown woman. at this age (and i'm also at "this" age), women aren't interested in wasting a lot of time playing games. especially games like getting buzzed just to ease some of the awkward tension. seriously, you need to man up and just tell her you'd like to take her out without the liquid courage, and be willing to risk her rejection. THAT will show her that you're sincere, and that you're willing to be vulnerable. she's far more likely to give you a chance that way.
  13. LadyC

    1st cousins

    I read that 2nd article the other day and did a little digging. It's late now but if I remember right, the guy was already in legal trouble and they used this to compound the charges against him or something.
  14. LadyC

    1st cousins

    kc, isn't there a way to bookmark this topic within the forum so i can find it easily ten years from now?
  15. LadyC

    1st cousins

    it's pretty insane since prior to 2005, texas allowed first cousins to marry. they can't go back and charge people who legally married in the state of texas with a crime after the fact. (ex post de facto?) it's also insane because if you'll remember a few years back, sodomy laws were challenged in texas and taken off the books for the simple fact that it was an unconstitutional violation of privacy to legislate was takes place between consenting adults within the privacy of their own home. from an article about the court rulings on lawrence v. texas: (https://www.britannica.com/topic/Lawrence-v-Texas) Liberty protects the person from unwarranted government intrusions into a dwelling or other private places. In our tradition the State is not omnipresent in the home. And there are other spheres of our lives and existence, outside the home, where the State should not be a dominant presence. Freedom extends beyond spatial bounds. Liberty presumes an autonomy of self that includes freedom of thought, belief, expression, and certain intimate conduct. The instant case involves liberty of the person both in its spatial and more transcendent dimensions. He (Justice Anthony Kennedy) questioned the way in which Justice Byron White, who authored the majority opinion in Bowers, (referencing Bowers v. Hardwick, a 1986 case in Geogia) had framed the central issue of the case—as whether the Constitution “confers a fundamental right upon homosexuals to engage in sodomy”—and asserted that White’s formulation “discloses the Court’s own failure to appreciate the extent of the liberty at stake.” The very wording “demeans the claim of the individual put forward, just as it would demean a married couple were it to be said marriage is simply about the right to have sexual intercourse,” he wrote. (clarification and emphasis mine) It seems to me that any cousin couple who are legally wed either in texas prior to 2005, or in another state where such marriage is recognized as legal, could find some attorney that is smart enough to use the Lawrence V. Texas case as precedent, since the US Supreme Court ruled that texas could not invade the privacy of a couple in their bedroom. now... let's move on to the actual statutes in texas. i must point out that i am NOT an attorney and that any commentary i provide on the following is just my personal uneducated grasp of what it's trying to say. i'll put my commentary in red. the entire family code can be found at https://statutes.capitol.texas.gov/Docs/SDocs/FAMILYCODE.pdf SUBCHAPTER B. PUBLIC POLICY Sec. 1.101. EVERY MARRIAGE PRESUMED VALID. In order to promote the public health and welfare and to provide the necessary records, this code specifies detailed rules to be followed in establishing the marriage relationship. However, in order to provide stability for those entering into the marriage relationship in good faith and to provide for an orderly determination of parentage and security for the children of the relationship, it is the policy of this state to preserve and uphold each marriage against claims of invalidity unless a strong reason exists for holding the marriage void or voidable. Therefore, every marriage entered into in this state is presumed to Statute text rendered on: 9/7/2018 - 1 - be valid unless expressly made void by Chapter 6 or unless expressly made voidable by Chapter 6 and annulled as provided by that chapter. Added by Acts 1997, 75th Leg., ch. 7, Sec. 1, eff. April 17, 1997. Sec. 1.103. PERSONS MARRIED ELSEWHERE. The law of this state applies to persons married elsewhere who are domiciled in this state. Added by Acts 1997, 75th Leg., ch. 7, Sec. 1, eff. April 17, 1997. (this little clause is what concerns me. now let's go to chapter 6.) SUBCHAPTER C. DECLARING A MARRIAGE VOID Sec. 6.201. CONSANGUINITY. A marriage is void if one party to the marriage is related to the other as: (1) an ancestor or descendant, by blood or adoption; (2) a brother or sister, of the whole or half blood or by adoption; (3) a parent's brother or sister, of the whole or half blood or by adoption; or (4) a son or daughter of a brother or sister, of the whole or half blood or by adoption. Added by Acts 1997, 75th Leg., ch. 7, Sec. 1, eff. April 17, 1997. (so as we know, cousins can not marry. Sec. 6.307. JURISDICTION TO DECLARE MARRIAGE VOID. (a) Either party to a marriage made void by this chapter may sue to have the marriage declared void, or the court may declare the marriage void in a collateral proceeding. (b) The court may declare a marriage void only if: (1) the purported marriage was contracted in this state; or (2) either party is domiciled in this state. (c) A suit to have a marriage declared void is a suit in rem, affecting the status of the parties to the purported marriage. Added by Acts 1997, 75th Leg., ch. 7, Sec. 1, eff. April 17, 1997. (now maybe i'm wrong, but it sounds to me as though the state of texas is required to acknowledge as valid any marriage that (at least legally) took place somewhere else, assuming the couple did not live in texas at the time they married elsewhere.) (i emphasised what is in bold.) So... MY understanding (which is worthless in the big scheme of things) is that a couple who resided and married where cousins could legally marry are safe from being declared void by the state of texas. and it is also my understanding (also worthless in the big scheme of things) is that a judge can not peer into the private bedroom of a couple and declare their sexual conduct as illegal because that was fought (in the US supreme court) in lawrence v. texas. at the very least, if any couple ever faces legal action in texas for having sex with the cousin they are married to (or living with, since there is another whole section on the validity of common law marriage), find a lawyer who will be willing to dissect all of the above in front of a judge, and who is willing to take it all the way to the supreme court if necessary. i honestly don't see texas ever reversing it's relatively recent ban on cousin marriage UNLESS it is challenged in the court.
  16. well, not entirely offline, but off cc anyway. i'll be making a road trip north to visit my youngest and her family. see ya in august!
  17. not yet. when does it throw the error? when viewing? posting? quoting?
  18. LadyC

    Favorite browser addons?

    avira web safety, which blocks ads and trackers, and copymethat, which allows me to copy any recipe from any website, including blogs. i also use Grammarly.
  19. LadyC

    Help support our advertisers :)

    oh! so i do! sorry, guess it works!
  20. LadyC

    Help support our advertisers :)

    i don't see any ads.... what are you smoking, boss?
  21. LadyC

    What do you guys do to have fun

    you go girl!! i hope you win!
  22. LadyC

    Catholic marriage

    that is awesome!
  23. LadyC

    Introduction/My story

    LOL i remember when Mark and I were first dating people would say "are you from arkansas or something?" and i'd laugh and say no, it's not legal there. we're texans, by the way. and at the time even first cousins could marry here. six years later the law changed. it wouldn't have effected us anyway, because we're first cousins once removed.
  24. ok, you asked me to read this, and i have. and there are a couple of things here... first off, the cultural perceptions may have a lot to do with this. you're in different countries, but you give any clues as to where. if it's anywhere in western civilization, the cultural perceptions are going to be the same... doesn't matter if you're talking about australia or canada or europe or america, it's the same. but there are some cultures in the middle east that have much more positive views of cousin marriage, and then there are asian cultures that have a very dim view of cousins. if she's from an asian culture, you're unlikely to ever convince her. what exactly is it that she thinks is wrong about it? is it a genetic concern? a moral/biblical concern? or is it just the "what others will say" kind of thing? it might be that the only way to convince her is to enlist the aid of someone in the family to the case in favor of the two of you. i know, nobody knows. but you said you think many family members suspect but are not saying anything to avoid a mess. let me tell ya something. if you think they suspect, then they KNOW. and if they're not saying anything about it, it is NOT to avoid a mess. they're just respecting your privacy. seriously, people who suspect things like this and disapprove aren't going to give a second's thought to how messy it will get if THEY confront you. they're going to be in way too big a rush to get all in your face to tell you what a mess YOU are making. that's just human nature. so you need to go to one of those who suspect that you trust and admire, and that you know SHE will trust, and tell them what's going on. because it sounds to me like the only "wrong" your cousin is seeing is through what she thinks is the eyes of people she's afraid to lose. and if she can get the assurance that they aren't going to judge her, then maybe she'll start to see your relationship as right.
  25. LadyC

    Whycousins?

    cadbury, if he is here, i hope the two of you can talk. but i feel sad that you consider it a mark of immaturity that he might want to talk to someone else (in real life) about his feelings for you. i don't know what the context of what he may have said to someone about you, but unless he was making fun of you, it's sad that you would feel disrespected by him. however, i'd be furious at the person he confided in who couldn't be trusted with the secret. imagine how your cousin must have felt. he confided in someone and that person betrayed him, and gossiped about him, and even worse, gossiped about the girl he cares for (you)... he discovered how untrustworthy and immature his friend was. it's so easy to understand why cousins (who feel romantic attraction) can't trust each other enough to take that leap of faith. it's the same fear of rejection that occurs in non-cousin crushes too... only amplified by a thousand potential complications that could ostracize one from every family member and friend that gets wind of it. surely you understand this, because if you'd taken that leap of faith yourself, you wouldn't be here. i hope he reads this, and the two of you can take that leap and answer all those burning questions that each of you have.
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