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Everything posted by LadyC

  1. LadyC

    Help support our advertisers :)

    oh! so i do! sorry, guess it works!
  2. LadyC

    Help support our advertisers :)

    i don't see any ads.... what are you smoking, boss?
  3. Thanks to Nessa for having brought this video to our attention. it's a full hour long (give or take a few minutes) and is the most comprehensive and informative videos i've seen covering the subject of cousin marriage. it is an aussie show, and features three couples as well as numerous audience members who have either married a cousin or whose parents are cousins. It also features several medical and genetics experts, including Dr. Alan Bittles, whom we frequently speak of in awe around here. I really hope that this video does not get pulled from youtube like so many others have.
  4. LadyC

    What do you guys do to have fun

    you go girl!! i hope you win!
  5. LadyC

    Catholic marriage

    that is awesome!
  6. LadyC

    Introduction/My story

    LOL i remember when Mark and I were first dating people would say "are you from arkansas or something?" and i'd laugh and say no, it's not legal there. we're texans, by the way. and at the time even first cousins could marry here. six years later the law changed. it wouldn't have effected us anyway, because we're first cousins once removed.
  7. ok, you asked me to read this, and i have. and there are a couple of things here... first off, the cultural perceptions may have a lot to do with this. you're in different countries, but you give any clues as to where. if it's anywhere in western civilization, the cultural perceptions are going to be the same... doesn't matter if you're talking about australia or canada or europe or america, it's the same. but there are some cultures in the middle east that have much more positive views of cousin marriage, and then there are asian cultures that have a very dim view of cousins. if she's from an asian culture, you're unlikely to ever convince her. what exactly is it that she thinks is wrong about it? is it a genetic concern? a moral/biblical concern? or is it just the "what others will say" kind of thing? it might be that the only way to convince her is to enlist the aid of someone in the family to the case in favor of the two of you. i know, nobody knows. but you said you think many family members suspect but are not saying anything to avoid a mess. let me tell ya something. if you think they suspect, then they KNOW. and if they're not saying anything about it, it is NOT to avoid a mess. they're just respecting your privacy. seriously, people who suspect things like this and disapprove aren't going to give a second's thought to how messy it will get if THEY confront you. they're going to be in way too big a rush to get all in your face to tell you what a mess YOU are making. that's just human nature. so you need to go to one of those who suspect that you trust and admire, and that you know SHE will trust, and tell them what's going on. because it sounds to me like the only "wrong" your cousin is seeing is through what she thinks is the eyes of people she's afraid to lose. and if she can get the assurance that they aren't going to judge her, then maybe she'll start to see your relationship as right.
  8. LadyC


    cadbury, if he is here, i hope the two of you can talk. but i feel sad that you consider it a mark of immaturity that he might want to talk to someone else (in real life) about his feelings for you. i don't know what the context of what he may have said to someone about you, but unless he was making fun of you, it's sad that you would feel disrespected by him. however, i'd be furious at the person he confided in who couldn't be trusted with the secret. imagine how your cousin must have felt. he confided in someone and that person betrayed him, and gossiped about him, and even worse, gossiped about the girl he cares for (you)... he discovered how untrustworthy and immature his friend was. it's so easy to understand why cousins (who feel romantic attraction) can't trust each other enough to take that leap of faith. it's the same fear of rejection that occurs in non-cousin crushes too... only amplified by a thousand potential complications that could ostracize one from every family member and friend that gets wind of it. surely you understand this, because if you'd taken that leap of faith yourself, you wouldn't be here. i hope he reads this, and the two of you can take that leap and answer all those burning questions that each of you have.
  9. LadyC

    Arrested Development

    never seen it. but i'm not a fan of anything netflix touches, production-wise. they substitute foul language, sex scenes and cheesy cliches for quality story-telling and script-writing. they even ruined my beloved longmire. except lost in space. that one's good. (so far.)
  10. i won't tell anybody anything different LOL.
  11. LadyC

    Thought of sex turns me off

    wow. i don't usually find myself quoting pooch in agreement, but i have to say this is good advice. part of the problem with porn addiction, like with any addiction, is that its power diminishes when its exposed. but it's also easy to shove it back into the dark corners of the closet even after exposing it. so it's really important to keep it on the table, so to speak.
  12. ahem... cough.. sputter... cough again... you ARE a smartass!
  13. truth lives here. ken, there's no shame in saying 'yeah, i think she's cute, but it's a whole lot deeper than that' . it doesn't matter if she has a physically prettier sister, because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. have you ever watched nature shoes where exotic birds do all sorts of preening and dancing to attract a mate? it is nature as God intended it for His creation to find their mates attractive. however, your cousin isn't your mate. and i continually pray that you''ll renew your desire to honor your heavenly Father by honoring your marriage vows, even in your heart. (you're probably regretting opening that door by mentioning your favorite concerts to attend.)
  14. LadyC

    Thought of sex turns me off

    then please, please get counseling. and you might look into some 12 step support groups that deal with sexual addictions. porn alters the way your brain connects things, and it's difficult to overcome. you need all the support you can get.
  15. ken, just be glad nobody is asking you how hot she must be in bed. (and yes, that has actually been an issue on the past!)🙄
  16. LadyC

    What degree of cousin?

    losing your purity? are you still actually a virgin? if you are, that's cool... admirable actually. and amazing in this day and age. i'm not a dream expert. in fact i really don't put much stock in the meaning of dreams. i think they're just your subconscious processing all the stuff you deal with on a daily basis. that being said, if i were to try and make some cosmic connection between your dreams and your reality, maybe it's that you truly admire these women and would like to fully give yourself to someone with their qualities. like i said, just a guess.
  17. LadyC

    Thought of sex turns me off

    i always find it ironic when someone says they still feel one way and someone else who knows nothing more than 2 paragraphs about the other comes along and says "no you don't". melancholic, i'm assuming you are able, at this age, to know whether or not you find someone attractive. and i'm also assuming that your conflicting feelings of feeling intimate but not wanting to have sex with her is real and that you came here with the hopes that someone would be able to make sense of that dichotomy and offer you some insight. i hope you were able to find some. whether it turns out to be useful or not depends on what you do with it. it's going to be a long road, whichever way you go.
  18. LadyC

    What degree of cousin?

    jack, what is it you're dreaming of if you only view her as a sister-like cousin? i think you're working hard to convince yourself that you don't have a thing for her because you have this misguided idea that it's a sin and you're going to burn in hell for it. but it's NOT a sin. God was ordaining cousin marriages throughout the Bible. maybe you should drop a lighthearted "if you weren't my cousin" kind of comment, or "i wish i could find a girl like you" comment and see how she responds. you never know. she may be thinking the same way you're thinking.
  19. LadyC

    What degree of cousin?

    yeah, and parallel or cross cousins, paternal or maternal, none of those really have any significance in western culture.
  20. LadyC

    Thought of sex turns me off

    it's an addiction ken... and sexual addictions can be as crippling as heroin. you're right though. NO woman deserves to be cheated on, and there really isn't any way of justifying infidelity. it takes a lot of commitment to become a faithful husband worthy of the woman he's married to. i'm not trying to discriminate. it takes a lot of commitment for an unfaithful wife to become worthy of her husband also. there is no difference between his kind of infidelity and anyone else's. a cheater is a cheater. they just have different things in their lives they have to learn (or become willing) to change. melancholic recognizes he needs to make some changes. he just doesn't know how to start.
  21. LadyC

    What degree of cousin?

    she's your first cousin.
  22. LadyC

    Thought of sex turns me off

    maybe it's your view of sex. you have no problem cuddling and kissing her... both are very intimate activities. maybe you should try following through with that intimacy and make love to her. save getting nasty with your string of lovers. ok, that really isn't what i want you to do. ideally you should quit having lovers. but here's the deal. i believe that you have compartmentalized "sex" and "intimacy" and don't know how to bridge that divide. and yeah, i think you're going to need some counseling to get past that. but here's a couple of obstacles you're going to have to overcome during counseling (or on your own without counseling...) and it's not going to be easy. you're going to have to give up porn and give up other women. and yes, giving up porn is critical, and maybe i'm making assumptions, but i'm willing to bet that you view it regularly. the problem with porn is that it destroys your ability to connect the dots between sex and intimacy. and it's going to take you years of NOT viewing porn to be able to truly connect physically with the woman you love again.
  23. LadyC

    How was your wedding with your first cousin

    we didn't invite anybody. we had a simple wedding in my living room with only my parents there. it would have been different had it not been my 2nd wedding and his third though.
  24. food for thought for you ken...
  25. LadyC

    Need advice

    kc is married to his first cousin. coloradomarried, another admin, is married to his first cousin. i'm only married to my first cousin once removed. there are a lot of people here who married their first cousin.... you're not going to find anyone here criticizing your relationship, providing you are both mature, consenting adults and are not currently married to someone else.