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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

      Be informed on better ways to stay safe on the web -- Source: Mozilla


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ColoradoMarried last won the day on October 26

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  1. Is My Cousin Interested? (Am I?)

    That's cute. To say LadyC was "strawmanning" is to assume she was arguing in the first place; she was not. No one can possibly tell you what another person may or may not feel for you except that person but given your story, I'd say she does quite fancy you in at least one way. Having been 15 for about a year of my life (though admittedly many years ago), I'll just reiterate what every other person of age and relative wisdom has- yeah, it's hormones as the greatest driver. Whether not you agree with that is irrelevant; the tendency of the age is to disagree with that. It's a lot harder to understand the situation you're smack inside of. Finally, to the point of problems you may or may not be seeing, I'll grant this: relationships of our youth tend to be very rocky and short-lived. They feel like blessed eternity while we're going through them but then end rather suddenly. Its just the reality of "teen romance", or what my grandmother called "puppy love". With that in mind and fully understanding that relationships tend to go sexual a lot faster now than, say, 30 years ago, understand that such a relationship going south with a cousin in your teens can forever change your family dynamic. Even if everything is kittens and roses, at 15 (and 16 and 17) your parents and her parents get a veto vote on everything you do, including dating. If any find out and disagree (and at least one is bound to), all hell can break loose in the family, creating drama that lasts years and spreads into places where uncles and aunts and cousins you didn't even know exist will come out from under the woodwork just to tell you (and her) how wrong you are and often using most colorful language to do so. Just a heads up that you may want to prepare for.
  2. Is My Cousin Interested? (Am I?)

    Well that was very long! LOL Anyway, it's not "incestuous" - that word has a legal definition and in this case it does not apply. So now the "dad" side of me is like, "you're all too young for that (true story and I'll let others fill in why, especially for cousins and the problems that presents when it goes south for teens - take it slow)" and also, I'm not even sure I want to know how you would know anything about the plot of movies you're far to young to even know exist 😂
  3. Going to Jail?

    I remember the WI case very well. Except they were going by to charge the woman if she didn't testify against the man. It was extortion of sorts.
  4. Going to Jail?

    There is a lot that could be going on here. If the encounter was forced or coerced it would now be impossible to prove so a prosecutor may try for the lower hanging fruit - very easy to prove they are cousins and if she had his child, circumstantial evidence for the encounter is very strong. With that said, Inabsolutely think the charge should be dropped and vigorously fought until it is. I get that he has a long rap sheet, that there *may* have been coercion, and that he has already been convicted of a sex offense in the past (and failed to properly register). However, using something that shouldn't be a crime in the first place to snag him is an affront to liberty for law-abiding citizens.
  5. They weren't connected at all. The lawmakers who hated the FLDS moving in was looking for any way to make them outlaws to add as many verifiable charges as possible to make at least something stick. It's why sex with your first cousin in Texas is a more severe crime than sex with your sibling and in their haste, they neglected to exempt legally married people (also because it would have exempted some of the very people they were targeting). They may not be able to prove polygamy but they can prove marriage to a cousin or possibly sex with a cousin and that would be enough if they couldn't get them on underage sex.
  6. It was done in anticipation of being able to prosecute them at a later date. The law was in reaction to them moving in well before any of the stuff came out. While I don't disagree that Jeffs is human debris worthy of every conviction he got and more, I am disgusted with how Texas went about it. First, they targeted a group just because they were unusual and different and of a peculiar religion. They had no real evidence at that time of underage or illegal marriages (other than polygamous "spiritual" marriages) but did know that first cousin marriage was more common in that particular community than average so they stacked the deck. Second, they confiscated all of the children and even some adults they "believed" might be under 18 based on an anonymous phone call that turned out to be from someone in Colorado with a shady past who was never prosecuted for her part in that bizarre situation. I smell a rat. Third, because the community held all property in common, the state confiscated all of the property, (i.e. homes) of everyone, including the majority who were demonstrably legal in their family situations... all because a handful of lawmakers in the state were angry that this group had set up their new homes there. Again, I'm glad Jeffs is in prison and hope he rots as he deserves (and his select scumbag accomplices). But as an American, I find it completely unacceptable that literally everyone willingly turned a blind eye to the Constitutional rights of so many people just because they're "weird". Sorry... had to rant a bit. I still get angry when I think of how the whole "Yearning for Zion Ranch" thing went down CM
  7. Turk, I admire your pluck. I've long said that we are one court challenge away from striking down all of the laws prohibiting marriage nationwide. However, you'll probably have a hard time finding a lawyer willing to do so without a TON of cash up front. If you are successful in finding a lawyer to support you, I won't be surprised if it never makes its way to the Supreme Court without victory, which will make it limited to Texas or its US Court of Appeals region, but that's a huge start and worth doing. Please keep us informed! CM
  8. A lawyer can answer this for sure but as I understand Texas law, you can be married in Texas but you can't get married in Texas. In other words, the law doesn't void marriages between 1st cousins performed out of state (or in Texas before the law changed). However, at the same they changed the law on marriage, they also made it a serious felony to have sex with your 1st cousin and didn't bother to exempt the thousands of legally married couples already residing in the state. On the other hand, I double dare any moron prosecutor try to charge a legally married couple (in Texas- Wisconsin and Arizona are another matter). Bottom line, you're going to need a lawyer who can clarify that your marriage is valid in Texas.
  9. so confused

    As a minister of the Gospel in the largest Protestant denomination in America, I'm curious which scripture, especially New Testament, they believe supports their notion that cousin marriage is wrong. CM
  10. Help

    Fourth cousin is basically same as the general population at large so "chances" of birth defects are not elevated at all. Of course, if you're concerned about anything specific that you two may share, you should ask a doctor. As for shame, honestly, I'm surprised you even know who your fourth cousin is! I'm lucky to know of my second cousins (met one once over 25 years ago). The rest are guesses on Ancestry.com. In your case, it will depend on any cultural particulars of your community and family but from the average American perspective, I'd say none. Finally, congratulations. Becoming a parent is the single greatest privilege on earth. Blessings, CM
  11. Read my story

    Welcome to the site be thanks for sharing your story. I wish I had a better answer but honestly it doesn't sound like it would end well for you if you did manage to get his attention again. Speaking as a man here, I think he is one of those men who is sweet as can be when he wants something and then discards whatever he uses. I believe he would only use you for seasons between other women. If he brought a girl home from a bar and let her think she is his girlfriend, he's a user of women and you should run from him. You can't fix him or make him grow up. If he just said that to somehow make you feel better about it and she really is his girlfriend, he was afraid to tell even you, making him a coward (and probably still a user of women) and you should still run from him. This also cannot be fixed by you. I know none of this is easy to hear. Right now, you have a lot of emotion invested in him and in a relationship you were hoping would be there. I can only recommend you find constructive ways to take your mind off of it. You should be treated better than this. Please do not put your self worth into this relationship because you are worth more. I wish you the very best success. CM
  12. Couples on here with children?

    My wife (first cousin) and I have two beautiful adult daughters who are both healthy and completely "normal" (whatever that means). They are both high achieving students attending an excellent private university with scholarships. We married very young, probably younger than I would normally recommend - both of our kids are older than we were. Do what we did and have an honest talk with your doctor. Ours told us the same statistics which now appear on this site and that was before this site (or any other) existed. Your doctor can discuss with you any specific risk factors and hopefully help put your minds at ease. Best wishes, CM
  13. Could use some help

    KC... are you talking about the non-forum portion of the site? Let me see what we can do from our end to make it very "Google-friendly". I'll hit you up on the admin side. CM
  14. Cousin Marriages?

    The particular case in Texas involved a particular sect of Mormons (Fundamentalist Latter Day Saints), excommunicated by the mainstream Mormon Church. The reason the lawmaker in question thought it would be easy to target them with a law banning cousin marriage was that the particular sect in his crosshairs at the Yearning for Zion Ranch was mostly made up of two families that had intermarried for roughly 100 years. The end result, failing to gain a sufficient number of external converts (and not particularly interested in doing so anyway) was that nearly 100% of the marriages in that group were between first cousins (with that being the closest of their many identifiable kinships). Making cousin marriage illegal AND sexual intercourse with a first cousin a serious felony allowed stacking of offenses to guarantee that they were violating at least one serious law, and therefore targets of the state. His efforts to drive them out eventually proved unnecessary when a hoax call from Colorado resulted in a raid, unconstitutional taking of EVERY child (and several adults) in the community. While the raid itself was dubious and legally questionable and the subsequent actions even more so, it didn't stop the state from using a separate series of stacked laws to seize the property, driving the entire group out of the state, long after their leader, Warren Jeffs (and a few others) were imprisoned for their sick and disgusting acts. On one hand, I am glad Jeffs et al are off the streets and in prison. On the other hand, I am disgusted that the state used him to seize the property and homes of so many with a single consideration for due process or their civil rights. I don't agree with their beliefs but if the state has the right to do these things just because the rest of us consider them weird, I fear it won't be long before I'm right alongside those now homeless and broke families with no property, no rights, and no one who cares.
  15. Cousin Couples Success Stories

    Hmm. Well, I'm sure mine is buried in these pages somewhere but I'm too lazy to go look for it. Here are the highlights: We've known one another most of our lives but grew up in separate states. I developed a bit of a small crush on her when we were young teens but our "romantic" relationship happened quite accidentally when we were young adults (18 and 20). The vast majority of our family was absolutely opposed. A few came around quickly, a few took some time, and some are no longer in our lives. Not the outcome we'd hoped for but we learned we can't (and shouldn't try to) control other people's decisions any more than we should be beholden to their's. We've been married over 20 years. We have two kids, both absolutely amazing, beautiful, brilliant, and in perfect health; both graduated high school with honors and both are currently on the Dean's List at a major private university where they attend with the help of some academic scholarships (I guess that takes care of the "feeble minded" myth of the Eugenics movement). Hope this helps! Best wishes, CM