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AnonyCouple_him

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  1. Sharing Feelings with a Cousin

    Only God is "god" :wink: -Mark
  2. Sharing Feelings with a Cousin

    God can fix any situation... Just keep praying for God to soften his heart with forgiveness and compassion, and wait & see what the Lord can do ;-) -Mark
  3. Sharing Feelings with a Cousin

    khin, I appreciate your feedback... Numbers 2 and 6 assumes the person sharing their feelings IS having trouble sharing their feelings because they DON'T want to lose the wonderful relationship they currently share with their cousin. If someone is able to "Just leave" and "break off contact", then they probably won't be reading this article with the same level of NEED as the person who, quite frankly, is AFRAID of losing the one person in their life that truly makes them happy. (The validity of that fear becomes reduced if they share the FACTS at the time of the disclosure of their feelings) While I can understand WHY you suggested what you did...I see the approach you mention here more like "emotional blackmail." (To withhold your friendship--and love IS about friendship too--until the other person "gives in," is an action that would be seen as unhealthy and manipulative among current psychological groups.) Sincerely, Mark
  4. Keep one, Change one

    hit title (movie, song, etc)
  5. Sharing Feelings with a Cousin

    The following information can be found in one the links above, but I felt like it needed to be [glow=yellow,2,300]highlighted[/glow]: (http://www.ehow.com/how_2064394_date-cousin.html) How to Date a Cousin For some who find themselves deeply in love with a first cousin, they must contend with the aura of taboo surrounding a cousin relationship. Although it is legal to marry your first cousin in Europe, Canada and in 26 states, many people are prejudiced against such unions. The romantic cousin relationship can be one of passion and shared values, but it brings special stresses to courtship. Difficulty: Challenging Instructions Step 1: [glow=green,2,300]Approach your cousin gently and tell her your feelings.[/glow] Chances are, you have some knowledge that the attraction is mutual. If she is uncertain, don't be pushy. You will always have a relationship with her, so time is on your side. Step 2: [glow=yellow,2,300]Take it slow.[/glow] Holding off on intimacy until you have established a solid foundation is especially necessary when dating a first cousin. Should the two of you decide that the relationship is not going to work out, there will be fewer hard feelings. Step 3: Be honest but discreet about the first cousin relationship. You should not lie to your family, but neither is there a need for full disclosure, especially in the beginning. Allow your families to witness that the two of you are close before making an announcement. Step 4: [glow=green,2,300]Show that you are proud of your feelings.[/glow] If you love him, there is no reason to hide from the world. Cousins have been getting married since time immemorial. Radiating confidence proves to others that there is nothing "icky" about a relationship with a first cousin. Step 5: [glow=red,2,300]Do some research about first cousin relationships.[/glow] [glow=green,2,300]This will come in handy when discussing it with friends and family.[/glow] For instance, you might want to point out that the risk of genetic disease in children of first cousins is much lower than previously thought. Also, that Charles Darwin married his first cousin. Step 6: [glow=green,2,300]Give your family time to come around to the idea.[/glow] [glow=yellow,2,300]As you establish yourselves as a couple, you may run into fear and resentment.[/glow] But if your relationship is strong and you want to continue, do so. [glow=green,2,300]Your family will have a hard time condemning a loving relationship.[/glow]
  6. First cousin marriage legal or illegal in India?

    Wow. You seem extremely knowledgeable... Do we now have an expert in this area? :biggrin: -Mark
  7. Sharing Feelings with a Cousin

    Another SUCCESS Story: http://www.cousincouples.com/forum/index.php/topic,2331.msg21419/topicseen.html#msg21419 (LadyC)
  8. Sharing Feelings with a Cousin

    Here are the links to reference each of the above messages, directly (...for the purpose of sharing this with other people on this site) Main Post: http://www.cousincouples.com/forum/index.php/topic,2663.msg23587.html#msg23587 More Success Stories: http://www.cousincouples.com/forum/index.php/topic,2663.msg23677.html#msg23677 More Informational Resources: http://www.cousincouples.com/forum/index.php/topic,2663.msg23712.html#msg23712 Testing The Waters: http://www.cousincouples.com/forum/index.php/topic,2663.msg23743.html#msg23743
  9. Sharing Feelings with a Cousin

    "Testing The Waters" You can "test the waters" yourself before diving in...Simply say things like: You know...We DO make a great couple! :-) (smile really big, and/or laugh) I wouldn't mind dating you...If you weren't my cousin. (key phrase) Would you date a guy like me...If you weren't my cousin? How would you rate me, on a scale of 1 to 10...If you weren't my cousin? (If they compliment you) Are you flirting with me? :-) (another REALLY big smile) If you get positive results, then look for ways to approach the topic of how you feel, or keep dropping hints about how you feel until you feel confident enough to tell her DIRECTLY. God speed! ;-)
  10. Sharing Feelings with a Cousin

    [glow=yellow,2,300]MORE COMPLETE LIST OF RESOURCES...to share with others:[/glow] (Read them for yourself first...never share what you haven't read) Remember... Everybody who has a "problem" with a cousin relationship--[glow=red,2,300]including any of the cousins themselves[/glow]--probably needs to be "educated" on the TRUTH about the topic. Dating A Cousin: http://www.ehow.com/how_2064394_date-cousin.html Christian Perspective: http://www.cousincouples.com/?page=amy http://www.cousincouples.com/?page=religion Alternately: "Bible Questions & Answers": http://www.neverthirsty.org/pp/corner/read1/r00366.html Genetics: (Scientists say that there is really NO SIGNIFICANT risk in birth defects. They are virtually unrelated) http://www.cousincouples.com/?page=facts http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2008/12/cousinmarriage/ http://www.press.uillinois.edu/books/catalog/76rws4ss9780252065408.html http://archives.cnn.com/2002/LAW/04/columns/fl.grossman.incest.04.09/ http://www.infoniac.com/science/two-first-cousin-marriage.html Media: http://[glow=red,2,300]abcnews[/glow].go.com/2020/story?id=124241&page=1 http://www.[glow=red,2,300]nytimes[/glow].com/2009/11/26/garden/26cousins.html?pagewanted=all USA State Laws: http://www.cousincouples.com/?page=states http://www.ncsl.org/default.aspx?tabid=4266 What is provided above deals with 1st cousin relationships, mostly...(the most questioned) Some of it does mention 2nd cousins as well...But, it's not necessary, because, 2nd cousins are EVEN LESS RELATED...Consequently, they are even more okay! :-)
  11. Sharing Feelings with a Cousin

    More Success Stories: http://www.cousincouples.com/forum/index.php/topic,1264.msg13807.html#msg13807 (FirstCousinsWed) http://www.cousincouples.com/forum/index.php/topic,1551.msg15770.html#msg15770 (ColoradoMarried) http://www.cousincouples.com/forum/index.php/topic,2671.0/topicseen.html (multiple authors)
  12. Sharing Feelings with a Cousin

    [glow=green,2,300]How To Share Your Feelings w\Your Cousin?(If You're Having Trouble)![/glow] ?[glow=green,2,300]But cousin love is a strange and intense one at that! If "love at first sight" were ever to be true, it would have to be referring to cousins, the most![/glow]? MySecret (CC.com member) (http://www.cousincouples.com/forum/index.php/topic,2621.msg23319.html#msg23319) Cousin-love is indeed the most AMAZING, intense love anyone has ever felt. Why? We may never be able to fully understand it enough to answer that question. But, one thing is certain?A love that REALLY moves your heart is worth fighting for! If you find yourself held back by fear, here's some inspiration: "Life is not a rehearsal" (Tremain, Rose); We often get only one bite at the apple...SO TAKE A BITE ALREADY! :-) We often regret the things we didn't do...NOT what we did. Your cousin may TRULY need you as much, or more, than you need him or her...Don't leave them in the cold. (The romance of someone you/your cousin really knows, and can truly trust, is more peaceful than that of a complete stranger) For some, telling your cousin you love them may seem like a scary thing at first. Most of the fear comes from being aware of the preconceived notions that most people (mostly Americans) have against cousins falling in love. The GREATEST SOLUTION to dispelling those preconceived notions?and the fear created by them?is to know the TRUTH! [glow=red,2,300]Be ARMED with the FACTS[/glow] Never go in "empty-handed"... (Here are the links to some of the BEST information you can find) http://www.ehow.com/how_2064394_date-cousin.html http://www.cousincouples.com/?page=facts http://www.cousincouples.com/?page=overview (Many rejections of love by another cousin, in America, seem to have been caused to the "ick" factor. Without INFORMATION & FACTS to show them otherwise...the other cousin may not get past thinking that having romantic feelings for a cousin is wrong. :cry: However, many successes have come from sharing the FACTS with the cousin being approached! :ok: ) Sharing your feelings with your cousin isn't hard for everybody. But, if YOU are finding it difficult, or don't know where to start, then here are some... [glow=blue,2,300]...Things to consider if you're having trouble telling your cousin about your romantic feelings:[/glow] [glow=yellow,2,300]THIS IS IMPORTANT[/glow]?[glow=green,2,300]Let?s do it right[/glow]! The bond you have with your cousin is worth preserving, so it?s important to share your feelings with your cousin in such a way that your friendship will remain intact, regardless of how he or she chooses to handle your feelings for them. Here are a few wise words about cousin-relationships: "[glow=green,2,300]What separates them and makes them different or "special" is that they've often known one another a lot longer than the average couple and they have that involuntary familial bond - the "for better or worse" part is there forever even when they don't end up married.[/glow]" ColoradoMarried (CC.com member) (http://www.cousincouples.com/forum/index.php/topic,1602.msg16212/topicseen.html#msg16212) There are many ways to share your feelings? What is being offered here are simple tips...[glow=red,2,300]This is NOT not an exact prescription[/glow]. (But, there are great examples, mentioned at the bottom of this article, of successful scenarios from some of our happy cousin-couples, here on cousinCouples.com!) [glow=red,2,300]1.[/glow] [glow=yellow,2,300]Educate[/glow] your cousin on the [glow=red,2,300]FACTS[/glow] a. THIS CANNOT BE EMPHASIZED ENOUGH? b. If YOUR cousin thinks it?s ?wrong? for two cousins to have romantic ?feelings? for one another then he or she will most likely have DIFFICULTY accepting the feelings YOU have for them. c. The greatest cure for this problem of non-acceptance is education! [glow=red,2,300]2.[/glow] [glow=green,2,300]Re-assure them[/glow] of the value you put on your [glow=green,2,300]friendship[/glow] a. Let them know that no matter choose to do, or how they choose to handle your feelings for them?You don?t want to EVER lose the current BOND\FRIENDSHIP that you both have for one another. b. Assure them that you will still remain their friend, and that you will NOT let your feelings for them become an issue. [glow=red,2,300]3.[/glow] [glow=green,2,300]Allow[/glow] them to say ?[glow=yellow,2,300]no[/glow]? to you a. ?No? is not the end?often, it?s just the beginning. b. Many cousins have had their significant other (cousin) ?no?, or ?I don?t feel the same way?, at first. (Patience and staying true to their word about honoring the existing BOND between them, paid off!) c. Give your cousin time to let it all sink in?Don?t they deserve that much? [glow=red,2,300]4.[/glow] [glow=green,2,300]Allow[/glow] them some [glow=green,2,300]space to think[/glow] a. Don?t crowd them, or hurry their decision?it?s THEIR decision! :-) b. Give your cousin some space and time until they are ready, until they are READY to address the situation...They need time to think about things and re-evaluate how they might really feel about you. c. Asking them how long they need might be good. [glow=red,2,300]5.[/glow] But, [glow=red,2,300]Don?t[/glow] [glow=yellow,2,300]abandon them[/glow] a. Getting scared after sharing your feelings is a BAD idea?Don?t do it. b. Be confident in the knowledge that you have done NOTHING WRONG?it's okay that YOU LOVE THEM! c. Stand your ground?and do it with LOVE! [glow=red,2,300]6.[/glow] And, [glow=red,2,300]Don?t[/glow] [glow=yellow,2,300]change[/glow] how you interact with them a. Not changing how you communicate or act around them will offer assurance, and PROOF, that no matter what, you will be the same cousin that they have come to love?even if they don?t realize how much they love you :-) b. Continue your joking, caring, and all of the other things you have been doing until now?THEY NEED THAT! c. They will know that you have feelings for them and that you want them to understand that if they don't return the same feelings that it is [glow=green,2,300]ok[/glow] for them to feel that way. You are not demanding that they have to return the same feelings. :wink: [glow=red,2,300]7.[/glow] [glow=red,2,300]Never[/glow] [glow=yellow,2,300]apologize for your feelings[/glow] a. Apologizing for how you feel is a way of backing down. It?s like saying ?I made a mistake??Don?t do that! b. You can say ?I?m sorry for how this made you feel.??but NEVER apologize for having the feelings that you do. c. It?s best to remind them that it would NOT have been fair for you to keep your feelings a secret from them. Read these success stories: http://www.cousincouples.com/forum/index.php/topic,1944.msg20864.html#msg20864 (notice that the FACTS were shared with her FIRST...and they have done the same with ALL of their family and friends) <MORE STORIES TO BE POSTED...SOON>
  13. Cousin in the philippines,my story so far

    Cousins should always remain in each others lives...no matter what. And keeping your cousin in your life, even if it's only as a friend truly shows me that you care about her.
  14. Cousin in the philippines,my story so far

    Sounds like a well-balanced approach! :ok:
  15. Cousin in the philippines,my story so far

    I used to think that Edgar Allen Poe was sick for marrying his cousin...THEN I FELL IN LOVE WITH MINE! :laughter: Question: Do your past feelings about cousin-relationships come from the Philippine culture or from the American influence? (I'm going to guess the American one...although I know its influence is felt in other cultures too) If it's not in the Philippine culture to think that cousin-relationships are wrong, then she won't have a "problem" with you telling her how you feel. You seem to have a good grasp on what needs to be done, based on what you've written already. So, what I've written below will just be a re-phrasing of what you already know. But, sometimes, that's what we need to encourage us to stay on that path. (You talked about being careful...looking for opportunities to "become even closer"... You've got it!) If, for some reason, she has the same "taboo" feelings about first-cousin relationships that you used to, then she'll need to be updated/informed on the truth regarding cousin-relationships: THEY ARE OKAY...world-wide. MY THOUGHTS*: You might need to "test the waters" to see if she might have feelings for you too. You might also have to educate her in order to get her to see that having feelings toward her cousin is okay. try the following ideas: Look for a way to test the waters... Tell her that you could really go for a girl like her. (SMILE really big when you say it, and say it in a light-hearted way...See how she reacts) Tell her you want to marry a woman just like her (again...smiling, and seeing how she reacts) Find ways of referencing FACTS about cousins being allowed to marry in certain cultures But, ultimately, if you really think it's "love"...You will, at some point, need to sit down and tell her how you feel, before it's too late. Make sure you are "armed" with the facts, that show/prove that it IS okay to love your cousin. Go into this with the attitude that you simply want to relay your feelings and find out her feelings. (Don't "ask permission" for your feelings...Simply "inform") Sincerely, Anonymous Couple (him) *(Take my thoughts with a grain of salt...And read other peoples ideas too.)
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