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Hawk

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Hawk last won the day on September 21 2017

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About Hawk

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    Junkyard Dog

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  1. Praveen, If I'm doing the math correctly, the two of you are second cousins, and, so far as we know, you are correct, and second cousins are allowed legally everywhere we know of. That does not mean you may not face some societal stigma, especially being Hindu, and, I will assume, in India. But, legally, I do believe you are correct......
  2. Oh wonderful. looks like another Tyra blind side hit piece. From here on out, if I see a producer in here asking for "volunteers", I am going to reply to NOT be looking for victims here, and that they will be smacked with the banhammer if they ignore me. I am beyond sick of good people being used in these hit pieces for ratings. I'll not be a party to it, and I'll not allow our members here to be further abused by these scallywags. If you are a producer, or from a production company, consider yourself warned........ the junk yard dog is back.....🐕
  3. FreeSpirit, Since this was double posted, I deleted the copy. Now, as to advice. You will find this community to be very supportive of cousin relationships, UNLESS one or both are married/in other relationships. Our advice is going to be to stop the shenanigans with the cousin, do everything you can to salvage your marriage, and should that NOT be possible, divorce BEFORE continuing to carry on with your cousin. Kinda the TL/DR version of our standard donation to this sort of party, so don't be surprised if this is elaborated on by others.....
  4. I like eggplant Nat, but the way I like it isn't very healthy. I like to slice it, put it on paper towels for a while to pull the water out of it, then eggwash and flour, then fried like zucchini. I can eat a plate of it that way...😏
  5. I wish we still had chat. I'd get quarter and Nat in there and we'd chat a bit.... ;)

     

    1. quarter25

      quarter25

      That is a bummer, would love to chat with you Hawk ?

    2. quarter25

      quarter25

      And Nat as well of course ??

  6. Anon, Please DO calm down. You don't mention where you are, and I'm not going to either, but, as a mod, I can, and did, have a little peek. Your parents are WRONG. So far as we know, second cousins are legal to marry anywhere in the world, and, provided my index is correct, where you are, even FIRST cousins are perfectly legal to marry. You DO NOT have to end it, you just have to go to the information pages on the main site, get you and her up to speed, then, your parents, and anyone else who would care to discourage you. If they reject the facts, well, as we say around here, "You can't save them all." They'll either come around, or they won't. Their opinion of the facts doesn't change the facts, and their opinion of your relationship is NOT your problem. It's theirs......js Now, get her on here, show her this thread, and the info on genetics, religion, and laws on the main pages here on the site. Show her this, and, if she does read it, I would strongly encourage her to reconsider, and not throw away the chance at happiness over someone else's foolishness or ignorance.
  7. Hawk

    we want marry

    Anjali Arya, First, for the 10,000th time here, I will tell you now, that there is no such thing as cousin sister or cousin brother. It is a cultural thing, and, I feel very confident in assuming you are from India, as that's the only place I know of that has this misguided view. Now that we have my pet peeve out of the way, let's dig a little deeper, shall we? If he is your father's cousin's son, then he is your SECOND cousin. SO FAR AS WE KNOW, 2nd cousins are legal to marry anywhere in the world. THAT SAID, India might would be the only exception I can think of. It will be up to you to look at the Hindu (I'll assume as well that is your religion) Marriage Act, to make sure how far out cousins are prohibited from marrying. I do know in North India, first cousins cannot marry, period. In South India, where it is culturally and historically been practiced, cross first cousins can marry, but not parallel first cousins. Ridiculous as well, but, it is what it is. So, my advice is to consult a family law attorney and determine if second cousins are legal like I'm thinking they are. If so, why worry about convincing them? If it's legal, go get married. If it's legal, what are they going to do about it? Legally, nothing. You should probably be prepared for MASSIVE drama worthy of Bollywood. They will probably cry and scream, threaten and cajole. They are liable to threaten to kill anyone from you two to themselves. BUT, IF IT'S LEGAL, it is YOUR lives to live, NOT THEIRS. You need to be firm, and stand your ground. Eventually they MAY see the advantages of you two being together. The angle I would use is that it would allow you two to better care for your parents as they get older. I do know that is as huge a cultural expectation as cousin marriages are culturally frowned upon. Using a positive cultural argument to outweigh a negative cultural bias may be your best argument to try to overcome the drama.
  8. Because he's a spammer. We've got the bots out of here. We've ended up where an actual person has to set down and make an account. Use to, there would be tons of accounts with links such as this, but never any posts. They get paid for each account they create, and for each click it generates. It was my pet peeve, and the reason I took a mod position. At one point, Boss left the site open, and EVERYONE was a mod. I sounded the alarm, but, while I had the mod privileges, I took the liberty of deleting nearly 300 or so of those type of accounts. The site was locked back down, but I was asked if I would like to be a mod, I accepted, and went through and deleted another couple hundred of those accounts, plus many more which had been created, but never used. Occasionally, there would be posts with links, most notoriously to something like "UK kitchen cabinets". I would promptly delete the threads. Once I got a handle on the similar domain ranges they came from, I blocked the whole range. I mean, Really? You're selling UK cabinets from Nigeria or Pakistan? Nah, I don't think so...!!! LOL. I've not looked lately to see how many spam accounts we have, but I have noticed a couple threads in which actual posts with links are posted. As the resident junk yard dog, I'm going to do a little sniffing around, and if I smell bs, I'll be dropping the hammer. I put my nose to the ground, and here's the deal on this member. This member has two accounts. "He" was warned back in October, or at the very least had his link removed from his post. I would say, warned as well, or needed mod/admin approval to post. So, now our friend is back. He has received another report over the link in this thread. Since some of his posts are not totally off topic, and pure spam, there IS the possibility he does happen to be as described, but, actually have an interest in our subject matter here. He is at the very least considerably more creative than our run of the mill spammer, and, for the moment, I'm amused. For that reason, I will not be swinging the banhammer just yet. My ears are peaked though, and I'm going to be looking around from the back of the '58 Edsel and '75 Pinto, to keep an eye out for shenanigans. I'll not bark, I'll just bite.....
  9. Simplycomplicated, Good to hear. Do stick around. It sounds like you will be the voice of experience sometime in the not so distant future. Maybe you can change you username to:
  10. Mick3, OK, we got you. We only need one post. It may take us a while to get to you, but, here goes. Unlike I'm known for, I'll try to make this short and sweet. I have a "broken record speech" to young members, but haven't the time to go into it now. Here's what you need to do. Put this all on the back burner. First of all, I should tell you that genetically and traditionally (up until a little over 100 yrs ago) it is NOT incest. You may as well get that out of your head now. In some places, LEGALLY, it's considered to be, but you are WAY short in the tooth in this deal to be worrying about that now, and I don't have time to have a peek as to what State you're in to see. If I do later, I'll get back to you. So, going forward, for now, put this ALL on the back burner. They are young. Keep in touch. Build the friendship. Do not be surprised if there is not flirting along the way, as they may very well see you as a "safe" outlet for practicing such skills on. Be that. A SAFE outlet for the steam. Encourage them as much as possible to focus on their studies and start deciding what they want to do for a living. Encourage them to get something beyond HS in the way of education. Something with decent pay and a demand. THEN, WHEN THEY ARE OLDER, for the love of God, PICK ONE. Do NOT bounce between sisters. For crying out loud, you would CERTAINLY be asking for MUCH more drama than you, in your young life to this point, could EVER imagine...........
  11. Cory, No, at least not legally without a judge ordering it. UNLESS, the phone is either in his name, or, on his account. Then, yes. But, to what avail? If he does, and goes to court, it makes him look like a creeper. If he does it illegally somehow, he's screwed. If it is his account, and he goes through the trouble, it makes hm look bad. It's sour grapes my friend. Let him hang himself. DO NOT play into his drama. If it was me, here's what I would do. I would copy the statute. I would give it to him. I would tell him "Have a good long look at this. Read it SEVERAL times till it sinks in. You are working yourself up over preconceived notions and old wives' tales. TO THE DETRIMENT OF THE KIDS. You need to stop it now. If you don't want to, and can't get over yourself, then do what you think you can LEGALLY, and WITHOUT all this BS and sour grapes. We'll gladly let the judge tell you to cut the crap, and then when you don't, we'll let him know you aren't, and HE can tune you up. We're just trying to save you a lot of wasted time and money. But, if you insist, be our guest. We're asking you nicely, and only for the sake of the kids. Your opinion of us is not our business. Your poisoning the kids minds (if he's actually dragging the kids into it, mind you) IS our concern. And, our ONLY concern. So, here it is, and, again, we're asking nicely....."
  12. Cory, Then he's blowing out his piehole, and she needs to call him on it. Tell him to lawyer up, or shut up. If I were her, I would say "You haven't actually read the statute have you?" He obviously hasn't, or, he has minimal comprehension skills. If he says "Yes I have." Then she can say "Well, you didn't get it, and you had best have another look before you start wasting money." Hey, give him a copy! If he still insists, just tell him to lawyer up, because she's going to get one, and make him and his lawyer look like fools. In fact, I HAVE used that line before when I was threatened with the ex getting a lawyer and being pissy. My reply was "You get a lawyer, and I'll make you and him BOTH look like idiots." (She knew that would happen. She'd seen me do it before. ) The reply? "What do you want?" So, I got what I wanted, and I didn't have to get a lawyer. And, I must say, I was still more than fair to her, and still asked for less than what the judge would have given me. I just lessened my pain, and, her attitude cost her several thousand that I WAS going to pay that I didn't have to. Like I said before, sometimes the best lessons learned are learned the hard way.....
  13. Simplycomplicated, Odd that we have two members of late from Illinois, asking questions of a legal nature. I'm from Illinois as well, and I'll give out the standard disclaimer (you already realize) about us not giving legal advice and blah, blah, blah. Now that that's out of the way, lets do try to walk through the technicalities. There are some "gray" areas, BUT, you MAY have a way around that. 1 & 2) As far as the letter of the law, "by adoption" is NOT spelled out verbatim in the statute with regards to cousins. HOWEVER, you two are not related by adoption, you are "unrelated" by it, and still "related" by blood. "By the whole blood" actually. BUT, as you realize, there IS the exemption if one of the parties to the marriage is "permanently and irreversibly sterile." So, provided she can provide the county clerk a certificate signed by a licensed physician stating that, then, the county will issue you a marriage license. 3) As far as DCFS getting involved, of course, there is always that chance if her ex, or any busybody for that matter, wants to stir the puddin'. But, unless there is demonstrable proof of some sort of neglect or abuse, you two do NOT fall under the criminal incest statute, and would be considered the same as any other random couple. Should a determination otherwise happen, based solely on the fact that the two of you are cousins, any reasonably competent family law attorney could have that quashed in fairly short order. Would it be a headache? Yeah. Is there Tylenol for it? Yeah, but it comes out of your pocket. 4) If you were to provide said paperwork, and get married in Illinois, #3 goes away. I notice you mention "should we just move to Tennessee or...." Is Tennessee a viable option, for you to bring it up? I do kinda like Tennessee, as well as Georgia. If you've been in Illinois for any amount of time, (like, all your lives) I'll assume I need not tell you what a mess this State is in. You would certainly NOT be the first, nor the last to be shaggin' arse right on outta here. Although in your case, it would be for a rather unusual reason compared to the mostly strictly economic ones most folks site. Do keep in mind though, that if this ex of hers has court ordered visitation, he WOULD have standing to challenge the move, and you would have to make quite a compelling case to have a judge reverse a previous arrangement. Not unheard of mind you, I did it with the first wife and her ex back in the mid 80's. But, it cost me $$$ I certainly could have spent on other things. In the end, it was money well spent, because, even though the marriage didn't last, the job I went down there for was excellent for the resume', and I parleyed it into better work afterwards. I also think the judge realized that would most likely be the case, and factored that into his decision to alter the visitation. Because, he figured that IF we moved, and IF I got that under my belt, and IF we stayed together, it WOULD be in the long term best interest of not just me, but, her kids. Depending on what you have lined up, you may have a similar result. But, (as in my case) you can probably expect the butthurt, and accompanying drama out of her ex. It will also make the judge's decision easier if the two of you are already married, as opposed to just living together, or, moving to where you would be living together going forward. But then again, if you CAN get married here, and, other than to work around the gray areas and drama, would just as soon stay, then provide the paperwork, and get married. The paperwork stops the gray area, and the marriage license will slow, if not all but stop, the drama. Or, at least it should. I'd keep a copy handy to wave in the face of puddin' stirrers any time it started. You know..... "Look here. IT'S LEGAL..... Suck it up buttercup, and get over yourself. It's our life, NOT YOURS." So, IMHO, there is a fairly easy way to meet the requirements of the law, and at that point, the decision to stay or go is purely economic, and hinges on how much money you have to put out in totality to make the move happen. Best of luck, and do let us know how things progress.......
  14. Cory, If she's going to be talking to a judge, then I'll assume she has a lawyer. If not, I'd advise that she get one. If she does have one, I would assume it would possibly be the one who did the divorce, or, arranged the custody and visitation to begin with. Either way, feel free to copy my reply, send it to her, and let her show it to her lawyer. He (or she) can go in to court, and say "Your Honor, this is much ado about nothing, at least LEGALLY. If they choose to have a relationship, there is NO difference LEGALLY than any other random person, OTHER THAN, at least for now, they cannot marry here. What we have here is sour grapes fueled by long held misconceptions, and if it would please the court, I can provide ample evidence to that end. The petitioner is wasting the time of the court, because there is no evidence whatsoever of any sort of neglect or abuse. Nor shall there be. That being the case, we would ask the court to NOT make any changes to the previous arrangement." Or, some such thing. Again, I'm NOT going to play lawyer, but it really isn't that difficult to make the case, going strictly by the law. I would also add, that any attorney willing to take his money to go to court without evidence of neglect or abuse is doing so only to humor him, and take his money. Let them. Sometimes the best lessons learned are those learned the hard way, when the facts are different than the perception. If his attorney is worth their salt, they will chuckle at him, tell him it isn't going to fly, and he should go home, shut up, and get over it. If they do anything other than that, they're milking him. Of course, she gets milked too, but, IMHO, it would be money well spent.......
  15. David, Your future is what you make of it, including all the twists and turns beyond your control that naturally go with it. I'd like to remind you again, when this dinner date happens, do not point out the elephant in the room. You let her point it out, if it gets pointed out. You do not want to push her toward going out of her comfort zone. You want to draw her into yours. If you seem needy or clingy over it, it will turn her off big time. If, on the other hand you are discrete about it, even to the point of nonchalant, it could make her question whether if, at some point in the future she DOES want to repeat that evening, if you care enough that you would go there again. If she thinks you would, but you could "take it or leave it", and aren't really lacking in that department, if she does feel something, she will want to compete for your attention, and will do so even if subconsciously. You WILL have to look her in the eyes as much as she will be able to, and you will need to be able to read what you see there, as well as any man is ever able to read a woman. No small feat, but, if you pay attention and keep your cool, you can do it. Here's kinda how it went when me and mine aired it out after all the years. Mind you, up until then, and we were MUCH more mature, we DID totally avoid the subject. But, when it came up finally, and we decided to talk it out, it pretty much started with me testing the waters. We had bounced around the edges of it two or three times before we actually sat down one night and totally aired it out. I began along the lines of "Yeah, it happened. Yeah, it was very intense, and got that way probably too quickly. But, I don't regret it, and if circumstances were what they were, I'd do the same thing again. And, if circumstances where what they were, and I knew then, what I know now, things may have been very different. But, they weren't, and here we are. I just want my best cousin back in touch on occasion." Then, it just sort of went from there, and we went into all the things we'd miss out on over the years, and, then, eventually got to the feelings that had been there all those years, and to the fact that (at the time) we BOTH were committed to others, and had no stomach for cheating. At that point, we knew how we felt, and always would, and were able to "run the elephant out of the room", and be back to where we were "before". You are young enough that you don't necessarily HAVE to wait 30 years to get around it, but pushing the issue is not going to help. If she touches on it, try some of how I went into it. You can leave out the "If I would have known what I know now" part, because you did realize it fairly quickly, and it hasn't made a difference, because she has refused to entertain the idea so far. And she may continue to refuse to. But, if she thinks you are like "Yeah, it happened, and I don't regret it, and if you asked me like you did, and that night being what it was, I WOULD do it again. But, it isn't the same, and here we are. I just want my favorite cousin back, and who knows where and what the future holds for either of us. I just don't want us to loose track, and I want you to be able to call me any time you need to. If I at all can, I'll do what I can for you, within reason." With something along those lines, you let her know you care, but, you're not going to let it dictate your every waking moment, even if it still is for the time being. THAT will get better with time too. Trust me. But, it lets her know, that if she deep down DOES want to try it again, she'd best not wait too long, because you WILL move on, and the day will come that it won't matter whether she wants to or not, it ain't happening......
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