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Posts posted by Hawk

  1. Praveen,

     If I'm doing the math correctly, the two of you are second cousins, and, so far as we know, you are correct, and second cousins are allowed legally everywhere we know of. That does not mean you may not face some societal stigma, especially being Hindu, and, I will assume, in India. But, legally, I do believe you are correct......


  2. Oh wonderful. looks like another Tyra blind side hit piece. From here on out, if I see a producer in here asking for "volunteers", I am going to reply to NOT be looking for victims here, and that they will be smacked with the banhammer if they ignore me. I am beyond sick of good people being used in these hit pieces for ratings. I'll not be a party to it, and I'll not allow our members here to be further abused by these scallywags. 


     If you are a producer, or from a production company, consider yourself warned........ the junk yard dog is back.....?

    • Upvote 1

  3. FreeSpirit,

     Since this was double posted, I deleted the copy.

     Now, as to advice. You will find this community to be very supportive of cousin relationships, UNLESS one or both are married/in other relationships. Our advice is going to be to stop the shenanigans with the cousin, do everything you can to salvage your marriage, and should that NOT be possible, divorce BEFORE continuing to carry on with your cousin. Kinda the TL/DR version of our standard donation to this sort of party, so don't be surprised if this is elaborated on by others.....

    • Like 1

  4. Kathleen01,

     I'm just recently back here as a mod. I'm not going to remove your link on the chance you are legit. The site has made upgrades to drastically reduce the number of spam accounts that were made to elicit money from sponsors. This post reminds me of the ones I use to whack. I'm going to leave this for now, seeing as you seem sincere, and at the very least have jumped through all the right hoops to get here.

     That said, the site is also coming from a Christian perspective, and, some are not going to agree with the lifestyle. My personal opinion is irrelevant. My belief is, my skeletons probably outweigh yours, and I shan't be throwing stones.

     Your relationship is generally going to be like any other of that nature, with the added twist of your interest being a cousin, of whom it would seem, there is at the least a mutual fondness. The key is going to be the same as a hetero relationship, in that honest conversation is going to have to happen. Your feelings may be reciprocated, or you may get shot down, the same as any other two cousins discussing these matters, as you will find in many threads here.

     I will tell you this: If this IS legit, and you DO go to that site looking for advice, DO NOT be surprised if you are not met with the same aversion to cousin relationships as you find in the general population. Yours would not be the first case of the LGBT community frowning upon cousin couplings. Hypocritical IMHO, coming from a community screaming for "tolerance". Go ahead if you wish, but you will be better served in taking the leap and having "the talk" with your cousin, and finding out if the possibility of a relationship is there, or, it is unrequited....

  5. Thanks Y'all.

     This is the first time I've been back to the site since Boss told me I was a mod again, like it or not. At the moment, I don't really see myself getting as involved as I once was. A lot of things have happened which drastically changed my perspective on love and relationships. I will most likely continue with my "broken record speech" to younger members, as I still feel it is sound advice. I have tempered it a bit, and won't be so focused on degrees from college, ( nothing wrong with that, provided it is for something other than basket weaving) and will emphasize equally certifications which have the potential to be as, or more, financially and personally rewarding.

     I'm also going to poke around and see if I can still do my "junkyard dog/banhammer" thing if needed. I took great glee in ridding this place of spam accounts back in the day. I've never mentioned it, but I have a friend with the No Such Agency who sat and watched me play whack-a-mole with them one night. I don't think I've ever seen her laugh so hard, while at the same time saying "How in the h*ll did you do that???" ???

     Anyhow, I'll poke around in here, pipe in from time to time, and try to carry some small piece of the load.....

    • Like 1

  6. Reach,

     At 31 and 48, you two are fully adults, and able to make your own way without permission from anybody. That said, the sneaking around can initially be quite exhilarating. It sounds as though this has been going on long enough that the exhilaration has worn off, and the hiding is becoming tedious. For older cousins such as you two, I've recommended before to not tell them anything, let the visual speak. If they see you two together all the time, and that the two of you are happy together, it will take the edge off to a degree. But, not totally. Eventually, you will get the nosy relative who probably has control issues poking their nose in your business. It really is none of their business though. I have a saying I've not had to use in a long time, because my family and friends know it's coming if they pry a little too deeply. I say "You mean I didn't tell you?" They USE to say "Why. NO. " I would then say "Well it must not be any of your business then." Now, some people will just look at me and roll their eyes, but, i can't remember the last time I've had to shut down a busy body like that. I do realize not everyone is quite so bold as to risk tweeking family and friends so strongly. For now, I would just be seen together, and if ask, say "Hey, we enjoy each others company, and there's no drama, so, we're just going to enjoy hanging out together." If they get more personal than that, it would be the time to let them know that's a little too inquisitive on their part.


     The only other real concern I would have is if it is legal where you are. You should probably be figuring that out first, If you've not already. For a time, I was a mod, and had the ability to have a little peak, only to determine which State or country our members were in. Not being nosy, it wasn't like I was going to find street addresses or such, because I wasn't going to send Christmas cards....LOL I would just look to make sure you weren't going to get in a bind legally. You can check here: https://www.cousincouples.com/?page=states

     So long as this is not an issue, I would say proceed as you would with any other relationship, other than being perhaps a little more discrete until the "newness" of people seeing you together wears off. As consenting adults, you can make your own relationship decisions. Do not let drama stop you...


  7. I really enjoyed my time as a mod, but, I'm not sure I'm up to it again. I had kinda fell by the wayside as it was when the mods were dropped. In fact, it was probably some amount of time before I logged in and realized I didn't have the mod stuff available. Life really got in my way along about that time, and, my whole outlook on relationships has changed, cousins or not. 

     With that being the case, I'd feel either kinda hypocritical or half- hearted if I were to get as active as I once was, and start doling out advice. I always got some kudos for my advice, but, I've always tried to say it isn't that I'm good at what to do, but, I'm getting damned good at what NOT to do. That list HAS certainly grown since early 2016.....LOL

     Plus, I'm off right now, but, I've put myself into a position to travel and make a boatload of $$$. I may even end up down in your neck of the woods. There's a LOT of this work going on down there right now. I've got a notepad I can get on here with, and would probably get a laptop. But, having the time, in a motel or camper or whatever accommodations I come up with, would probably be tedious. I will keep in touch, and if it looks like I might want to do the junkyard dog thing again, I'll let you know. I REALLY enjoyed playing whack-a-mole with the spammers, bots, and BS accounts..... ???

  8. Skyris,

     Be cordial with the family as you always have, and civil with the ex when you are in her presence. There is no need for the family (the ones who do not know) to ever know, and there is no need for you to communicate with the ex. Go no contact, and only show common courtesy when in her presence. She made that decision for you, knowing you would be devastated, and doing it anyhow. Now, she might like to assuage her guilt by trying to remain friends, not realizing, or not caring, that doing so causes you further pain. Move on, find someone who WILL fight for you, keep the family in your heart, and pray she finds what she wants too. But, if she let one good thing slip away, she'll do it again, or settle for lesser. Just remember though, that is NOT your problem, it's hers. Bed Made Lie. 


  9. Bbb_jj,

     First off, if the family is Catholic, then they are Christian, and, if they TRULY believe the scriptures, there is nothing in there prohibiting it, and many accounts of it, and nearly as many accounts of it actually being commanded by God. If they refuse to believe THOSE scriptures, they are hypocrites, and may as well throw the whole Bible out.

     THAT SAID, for reasons I don't really have time or inclination to go into here, the Catholic Church HAS taken a dim eye on first cousin marriages since the 12th century or so. BUT, you can request a dispensation from the diocese, and be married in the Church. If you show up with a dispensation from the diocese, what are they going to say? Will they argue with the Bishop? Because that's who they will have to cry to about it. I REALLY doubt they want to argue with the Bishop. 

    ALL OF THAT SAID, this is only if you are where first cousin marriages are legal. I use to be a mod, and as such, had privileges which allowed me to have a little peek at IP numbers and get a general idea where our members and guests were, (unless you were on certain wireless broadbands, or running a proxy, in which case I couldn't be assed to dig deeper) and would counsel further from there. But, I no longer am , and it's just as well. I don't have the time to put in like I use to. At any rate..... PROVIDED IT'S LEGAL IN EITHER YOUR OR HIS PLACE, (Hint Hint at where the two of you want to domicile) you CAN get a dispensation from the diocese, get married by, and in the eyes of, and with the blessing of, the Church, and have a houseful of kids if you so choose. Tell the family you are going to do it right, and they can argue with the diocese, because YOU are NOT going to listen to error on their part....

  10. anonymouc,

     I knew it. I knew her parents had brought it up, even if not fully consciously. They see you as a fine young man, and the wheels started turning. THAT, in turn, started the wheels turning in the REST of the family's mind. You need to SLOWLY start working on the communication. Play a little coy, and don't be too overt with your full feelings, but you will do very well to check on her progress at school at least weekly. After the first few times, try to set a time on the weekend, where both of you would be available to chat for a few minutes, considering the time difference. Something like early morning for you, evening for her, or vice versa. But, figure something out. Maybe Skype, I don't know, I've never used it. But, let her know that if she's not heard from you in a while, feel free to contact you too. And, to let you know if something big happens. (Acing a big test or some such) Let her know if some big step comes your way too. Just keep in touch, stay up on what's going on in each other's lives, and let it play out. You've got a lot more going for you than most. That doesn't mean it's set in stone, so, keep your options open should it not happen. But, I have a feeling that eventually, she's going to be getting she same treatment from her side of the family as you have been. She will want to make them happy, so, she will consider it. You don't want to push her, you want to draw her to you, if that makes sense. I look for her to mention the family talking to her first, BUT, that could be some time in coming. Just say "Yeah, I've heard it on my end too." And then let her go into what she thinks about it. This could be a year or two in the making, or, if they see you two communicating well, they could speak with her sooner. YOU just have to take YOUR time, and let it come to YOU, if it's going to happen......

  11. anonymouc,

     I'll venture a guess that SOMEBODY, or several of them, HAVE at the very least mentioned it to her parents. If not, it might be time to let them in on it, because if they aren't already in on it, and might not be quite so crazy about the idea, find out now while there is time for the rest of the family to convince them.

     I'm not real sure about the flowers either. At least a bouquet. Might be a little over the top. A single rose, or perhaps a modest necklace? Nothing too over the top. I do agree you should keep in touch. Have the two of you talked any since the trip? If not, you should, and if so, keep it up. Again, don't go over the top with it, blowing her phone up constantly, but a text or two a week would be fine. You can make it more than that when and if SHE starts contacting you more than that.

    All in all, I'd say you'd better get cracking on this career thing.....?

  12. anonymouc,

     If your grandmother is encouraging it, all the better. The elders are usually afforded more respect of their opinions.

     As to me and mine, I've went into it many times over the years here, but, it's been a really long time since I've been a regular, and the whole story has been lost to various updates of the site over the years. Even though it's long, it's pretty anti-climatic. I'll go through it though, just to sort of get it back out here.

     So, we are second cousins. Our grandfathers were brothers, and the best of friends. My mother was an only child, and her mother may as well have been. (Her Mom had an older half brother who was in the Navy by the time they were 10-12 yrs old or so) As such, they grew up together, and in a lot of ways were more like sisters. They still are. They drive each other crazy sometimes....LOL They shared a good amount of time together as kids. Our grandpas' youngest brother (the "cool" uncle to them) taught them both to drive. So, they were close, and still talk fairly regularly. At any rate, her mom had a daughter at a fairly young age, but a bit later, married a different man, and they had the cousin I'm very fond of. And, at the same time, my mom had me. They were pregnant at the same time, and we were born a week to the day apart, me being born first. We just turned 56. 

     When we were very young, her dad got a very good job, and they traveled the world. He worked about 3 months out of the year in the Middle East, and they traveled Europe and the Middle East when he was not working. I was always in our small Midwest town. I vaguely remember meeting her and her sister when we were about 5 or so, at her grandpa's place, about an hour away from here. I didn't see them again until we were about 10 or so. We once again went to their place, (since they were back in the States, in her dad's home town, not far from her grandpa's town) and were more formally acquainted. Our Mom's enjoy busting our chops, and I guess it started on that trip. We were playing, running through the house, and they called me and her over to their table. They said "M, tell him your birthday, and Hawk, tell her yours...." So, we did. It took a minute, but in pretty short order, we figured out that our birthdays were one week apart. From that minute on, we were favorite/"best" cousins. Our Mom's started whining about how hot it was the summer they were pregnant with us, and all sorts of other drama, so, we just went back to playing, and didn't listen to the minutia of it all. It didn't matter to us anyhow, we were having fun.

     Along about that time, her grandpa was in the process of retiring, and bought our great grandma's house from my Mom and Dad. We had bought it, but, bought a bigger two story house across the street. ( I have two younger brothers, and Grandma's place was getting "cramped"...LOL) So, her grandma and grandpa sort of half moved down to our town. Along about the same time, her mom and dad got divorced. Just before her grandpa fully retired, he was tragically killed in an auto accident. After that, her mom and the girls moved into the house across the street with their grandma. From that point on, we became close. Almost to the point of siblings. To this day, we refer to them as our "sisters", and they to us as their "brothers". We all played and had big fun. There were no real "romantic" inclinations between us, as we were kids, and I actually had the "kid crush" on her older sister.....LOL Probably part of my chasing older women for years, but THAT is a whole OTHER set of skeletons I'll not be dragging out in the daylight here....???

     That said, eventually, we bought a farm out in the country, they moved to a different house, and we didn't see nearly as much of each other. We were both kinda "party animals", and when I was back in town in the home town, our circles overlapped a little, so, we'd bump into each other on occasion. After High School, I got a house back in town. I ran with an older crowd, and so did she. She got a BF several years older than her, and one of the guys I ran with pretty hard was his brother. So, we'd see each other from time to time. At the time, (we were 20) I was bouncing between a girl 5 or 6 years older than me, and one about 4 years younger than me. THAT all came to a big train wreck, so, I decided to be single for a while. At the same time, her and her BF had split up, and she was going to need a ride to work for a few days, until she could either get a car or regular ride. It was (IIRC) a Friday evening when I got a call from her, asking if I could give her a ride to work the next Monday. She HATES the phone, so, I knew it was serious business, and I told her "Sure, no problem." Being a weekend night, I asked what she was doing, and if she wanted to party. (My house was notorious in town for the shenanigans and partying....LOL) She said "Sure, I'm ready." I said "Get your shoes on, I'm on the way" So, we partied a good amount, with a few drinks, and other things I'll also NOT go into here, and generally had a very good time catching up. I'm not sure how to explain it, without coming right out and explaining it, but let's say, one variation on what we were doing can be rather "intimate." As it progressed, our lips actually touched. It was electric, and it caught us both by surprise. Pretty soon, the partying was forgot, and we were kissing directly. One thing led to another in very short order, and she hung out the weekend. She spent the night Sunday night, and we got up early, and I took her home to get ready for work. We walked in, and her Mom was going on about some drama or another. (Her Mom can be quite the "drama queen") So, it took her a minute to realize our hair was all disheveled, and I wouldn't doubt our clothes were on inside out. ? When cuz just ignored her and ran to her room to get ready, it actually clicked with her Mom what was up. I mean, at that point, it's pretty obvious....LOL She stopped talking, her chin hit the coffee table, and she was speechless. No small feat.....LOL So, I walked over and sat down by her, and said "You were saying........?????" She got a huge grin, never said a word about us or our condition, and went right back into whatever her drama was. So, cool on her Mom's part.

     I took her to work, we agreed we'd had fun, and we'd do it some more. So, for the next couple weeks, we ran pretty hard. One night the next weekend, so as to not be disturbed at my place, we went to her best friend's house. She was married to a very good friend of mine, so, we all had a good time. When we left, I didn't want to go back to mine and fend off late night partiers banging on my door, so, when we got to the main road, I went the opposite way. She said "Where are you going?" I said "You'll see". So, I went to the next town over, and got us a room at a newly built motel. It was nice. We had a very good evening, and one of the more memorable nights I've spent with a woman. So, things are progressing well. Then, one evening, she showed up at the house, and said "We can't do this anymore. I can't do this anymore." I said "Why?" She said "We're family...." Not wanting to push her, I let her walk. Shortly after she walked, I told my Mom "Don't be surprised if some day me and cuz don't become an item." She said "So long as you treat her good, and make each other happy, I'll be happy." It made things awkward for DECADES, but, we still (and still do) cared for each other deeply, and life went on. She ended back up with her BF, they got married, had a couple kids, and I ran amok, got married and divorced 3 times, and life went on. She eventually got divorced, and has had a long term BF since not long after that. We were never single at the same time again, so, no more shenanigans.

     In the last few years, quite a lot has happened, but I've got way windy with the back story, and don't really want to do a novel here. Let's just say, totally unrelated, but because of, that back story, I ended up here. At about the same time, she had hit a rough patch, and my Mom encouraged me to go talk to her. She said "She won't listen to her Mom, her kids, her sister, her BF, nobody. She will listen to YOU. " I put it off, because I didn't want to invade her space, and I was married. Within about a year though, things weren't really getting better for her, and I found something of her grandpa's I knew would put a smile on her face, so, me and the wife at the time went to see her. It worked. I lit a fire under her arse, and she's got out and done VERY well for herself since then. There was an occasion where we had an evening and some time alone, and we aired it all out. I actually showed her this site. She agreed whole-heartedly with the advice I was giving younger members, to the point of getting a little misty eyed at one point. So yeah, we aired it out, and it's all good. We agreed we have no stomach for cheating with each other, so, even though I'm single now, there will be no more shenanigans. Her BF can be a (can I say this?) douche, but he's her douche, and she likes him, he's NEVER that way in front of me, and I'm not about to butt in. A few weeks ago, I was working up near where she is now, so, we got in contact and went out for supper. It was nice. The next week, on my birthday, she didn't get my text till later, but I went back to her town for supper, and she met me for a couple drinks, (she had already ate without knowing I was going to be there) and graciously bought my supper. So, yeah, we're still close, but, our chance came and went, and, for the normal reasons, we didn't take it.

    That's why I say, back then, had there been an internet, Google, and a site like this, things may have been much different. I actually wanted us to go way South to where her Dad is, but I apparently didn't make that clear enough to her at the time, because I have a feeling she would have done it. She's pretty much said as much. I ended up down there for a while anyhow, and it has paid off in my career choices ever since. Her Dad wouldn't have gave us anything, but, he's done VERY well for himself too, and he would have steered us in a direction for success. Even still, we're doing alright, and it's all good. 

     All of that wall of text said, that's why I tell our younger members to take their time, and lay some groundwork. We had the "friendship" foundation, but, we moved WAY too fast on the physical, without nearly enough communication about possibilities and scenarios for us to actually BE together. Or, the information to pull it off drama free. Obviously, our Mom's would have been fine with it, and probably even tickled with it. Our dad's opinions wouldn't have mattered really. Her dad would have been fine with it, and my dad would have been "Meh", so, yeah. We COULD have went for it, we just didn't know that at the time. People today have this place, and know they can.....

     So, there you have it, and, it's actually been therapeutic with where I am in my life now to spill it all out there again. Thanks for asking......?

  13. anonymouc,

     Thank you and Nat for the kind words. It's certainly not the first time I've been told I give good advice. I do try to stay modest however. I'm no spring chicken, and I like to say I'm not so good at telling you what you should do, but I'm getting pretty damned good at what NOT to do.??? Had there been an internet, and site such as this when I was your age, I dare say me and my second cousin would quite possibly had very different lives than we've had. As in, a life together. Oh well, water under the bridge and all of that.

     Anywho, I DO like the fact that you are not going to let this distract from your career. At the same time, you do not want to focus on it to the detriment of your future potential happiness. You need to go into an in-depth conversation with the parents the next time this is brought up. Find out if they've been talking to her parents. Not that you mind, but, if you're going to be the topic, you would like to be included. You need to be sure they fully understand your desire to get your career in order FIRST, but, want to stay aware of what educational and career progress your cousin is having as well. Once this is aired out, even if her parents may move a little slower with her, you should stay in touch with her. Keep it all "cousinly" and professional, at least until she brings up them mentioning it to her, when and if they do. Let her know you first thought it might be odd, but, after thinking about the plus side, it would make sense. ALWAYS encourage her in her studies. It's been forever since I was a regular here, but, I was known for such advice to younger members, usually younger than you. It went 1)School, 2)Work, 3) Your own place, 4)Go for it, and don't let anyone talk you out of it, INCLUDING YOURSELF. That's the VERY short version.

     Then, you have to consider the long term. Would she be willing to come here? Would you be willing to go there? In the grand scheme, it would be either/or. Our economy is improving. The Asia-Pacific region for the foreseeable future has incredible growth potential. So long as you have your education to a point to have an established career, with a good reputation and work ethic, you can succeed wherever you choose to. Again, way out in front of where you are right now, but something to keep in mind as you start your career. Position yourself in your career to be flexible, and able to adapt to new conditions or locations should you need, or, choose to.  

  14. anonymouc,

     It's been a while since I've been on here, but I feel compelled to reply. I will first say I agree with everything Ambra said. Beyond that, I think it's time to either come clean about your feelings to your parents the next time they bring it up, OR, play it off as "At first I wasn't so interested, but since you keep bringing it up, now you have me thinking about it..." Gives you a little wiggle room, and, after all, it IS the truth. If THEY are bringing it up, trust me when I tell you that they WON'T think you're weird......

     You are in a quite enviable position as compared to many, if not most, people here, in that your family is encouraging it. Take all the help you can get, TRUST ME. As Ambra said, this will be much easier if they will talk to her parents. Who knows, maybe they already have. It could be HER parents who brought it up to yours. You will never know until you stop dismissing the idea when they ask. You ARE interested, so act like it. If the parents haven't talked yet, it would only be because you are seeming to not be interested.

     I would suggest the line I gave earlier the next time the topic is raised. THEN, I would want you to show your maturity, and take it further. Tell them that you realize you are still young, and she is younger. Her parents want her to go to school, and you agree totally that she should. Tell them that while you may not be a big fan of "arranged marriages", if them and their cousins (her parents) want to see if she would be interested ONCE SHE'S OUT OF SCHOOL, you would be willing to see where it leads.

     I do not know if "arranged marriages" are so common in China as they are in say, India, but, the fact that a very good percentage of marriages throughout history, and up to this day, are between first and second cousins, are for the exact reasons your parents are emphasizing. Their points are very valid, and I think you should consider their advice. I also have a feeling there is more going on behind the scenes than you know just yet. If you and the cousins hit it off so well, I can assure you that it DID NOT go unnoticed by your and her parents. They have MUCH more experience in matters of the heart than you. They can pick up on even the most subtle of hints that you like your cousin, even if you, OR HER, don't realize you're giving off such a "vibe". I'm not much of a gambling man, but I would take good odds on it. I have a feeling they noticed, her parents brought up that they would like a man like you for her, and yours said, "We'll see what we can do." Now, you also want them to know that if they are going to "wing" for you like this, that you DO NOT want HER parents to put undue pressure on her to "push" her on you, and that you only want them to bring it up for her to consider, and like yours with you, at least listen to the positives before ruling it out. As Ambra and I have both mentioned, you have plenty of time. This isn't a drag race. I personally would like to see you pace this out for at least two years, and see you ~22 years old, and her ~20ish. If she would like to go to school for 4 years, make it 24ish for you, and 22 for her. The more time you take developing the foundation for a relationship, the better odds you have for success. TRUST ME on that as well.

     Which goes to YOUR behavior the next time you are there. You will be able to find time to speak candidly and alone with her. You do not want to seem to be pushy either. But, you DO have the advantage of being able to say "My parents are pretty serious about this, and they have me thinking it may be a good idea, IF, and ONLY IF, you feel the same, and think it would be a good idea too...." Then, see what she says. She may or may not want to go for it. Be prepared for if she doesn't as well. And, be prepared for her maybe not wanting to initially, but coming back later and saying "You know, I've been thinking about this, and ....."

     Either way, take your time, build the friendship to where it lasts regardless, and proceed from there.

  15. Shyam,

     We aren't lawyers, and don't give legal advice here in the US, where the laws vary widely. We certainly could not do so for you in India. However, that said, this is certainly NOT the first time this has came up. My understanding is that there are different marriage laws for the major religions in India. For Islam, and Christians, it is legal everywhere. There IS a HUGE bias against it, (other than within the Muslim community) but for those two, it's legal. Catholics would have a hoop or two to jump through, but it is possible. However, I'll assume you two are Hindu. There's where it gets sketchy.There is the Hindu Marriage Act. You would be well advised to get your hands on a copy. My understanding is, that parallel cousins are prohibited everywhere in India, but CROSS cousins are permitted in South India. Here is where my clue ends. Where the distinction between North and South India is, is WAY beyond my knowledge. I did wiki your town, and to my untrained eye, it does look to be well in the South half of your country.

     I also believe your sister have given you very sound advice. She has managed to hit my standard advice perfectly. Focus on school and getting your careers started. Perhaps find somewhere between the families to look for work. I know family, and honoring and obeying them is HUGE in India, but at some point, you really do have to make your own way. If the drama is too strong, I advise leaving. go to another Asia/Pacific country. Australia would be my first pick, but, they've tightened their immigration policy of late. Next would be New Zealand, but I'm not sure how easy it would be to get in their either. Again, all of this is if it is illegal where you are, and even if it is legal, and you are far enough south, but family threatens you. You CAN most likely expect that. LOTS of crying, lots of cajoling, lots of drama. And then, if those don't work, threats of violence to themselves or you. Better have your plan in place, and your big boy pants on..... ;)


  16. I know I'm a little late to this party, but, I concur. I will also add that if it were me, I would DARE him to bring this up in a court in Georgia. My personal experience in Georgia many years ago tells me the judges there have absolutely NO sense of humor for such nonsense in their courtrooms out of "sour grape" ex's. I personally wouldn't need a lawyer to make this smack-down happen, but, if you decide to retain one, it would be $$$ well spent. The comedic factor alone would be well worth the time, money and effort. It is NOT incest in GA, and (as mentioned, and I have no indication otherwise) it's still perfectly legal for cousins to marry there, and the look on his face when the judge explains this to him, and then admonishes him to NEVER bring such nonsense before his court again, would be priceless. Even more priceless would be the look on HIS lawyer's face, when the judge looks at him/her and says "I want to see YOU in chambers RIGHT NOW." LMAO I actually recommend cousins in other parts of the country relocate to GA if at all possible for just these reasons.....


    • Like 1

  17. ITGeek,

     I know you don't want to push her. But, you have to at least try. It's been a long time since I was real active on here, so the several threads that could be pieced together telling my story are long gone to updates of the site. Even the CliffNotes version is windy. But, I'll try to not get too carried away.

     I have a cousin who I'm very fond of to say the least. The feeling is mutual. We love each other very much, and have always been favorite cousins. We are actually second cousins. We were born one week to the day apart, me being the elder. We'll be 55 this summer. When we were 20, we had a similar "moment", but it only lasted a couple weeks, and she got scared. Sound familiar? And, at the time, only her Mom, and her best friend and her husband, a good friend of mine, knew anything was going on. My Mom found out immediately afterwards, when Cuz got scared and we backed off. Our Moms, first cousins, would have been fine with it. Her Dad would have been fine with it, and my Dad wouldn't have minded either way. But, she had bought into the old taboos, and was worried about what some of her other friends might say, and what mine might say. I would have straightened my friends out in pretty short order. Some of her girlfriends though, lets just say they were some rough and tumble girls. She was the wallflower of the bunch. I would have told them to kiss it too, but, I could see it being a problem if some of them got smart with me. Plus, there was no internet as such, more less a site like this with so much good and accurate information. Anywho, she got scared, I didn't want to push her, and we let the whole thing be quite awkward for DECADES. Probably about 8 years ago now, I found this site, and eventually became involved. About 7 years ago, a few months after I joined, we got back in contact, had an occasion to speak candidly, and aired it all out. We're agreed that way too much water has passed beneath the bridge to go back at this late date, to relive our youth. Plus, at the time, I was married, and she still has the same long term BF. We're also agreed we have no stomach for cheating with each other, and even though I'm divorced, I still won't cross the line with her. At any rate, the night we aired it all out, I already knew all the facts, having been here a while. I was telling her the laws, the actual relation, (she didn't get the whole 'once removed' thing either, and thought we were THIRD cousins.....LOL) and the genetics, religious aspects.... the whole nine yards. On occasion, I would see her look at me funny, like she didn't believe me, or didn't believe I knew as much as I did. I always assumed she would be extremely upset if she knew I was here, but, I took a chance. I told her at one point to log on, and come here. So, she did, I showed her the info pages, and the conversation continued. It eventually got deep enough, I told her "Log back on, and go back to that site." She did, and I said "You're probably going to kill me, but, click on where it says 'Forum'. " She did. I had posted recently, so, I said "See where it says 'Hawk'?" She said "Yyyyeeeaaaahhhh....." I said "That's me......" I then told her how I found this place, and had been intrigued, and seeing as how our little moment hadn't turned out like I would have had it, I stuck around to advise other young members on how to not make some of the same mistakes, and general mistakes I'd/we'd made. I told her what my "broken record speech to young members was." She didn't say a word, but got misty eyed, and nodded quietly. (I had always known she would agree with what I was advising) So, we aired it all out, are still in some contact, and face time is nowhere near as awkward as it was for all those years. In fact, I'll probably see her this weekend, and may spend the night up there, since she's about 3 hours or so away from home now for work. Not sure, we just talked briefly. We'll see. I would say we'll at least get together for an adult beverage or two.

     All that said, I was not able to convince her to join and give me a hand with the advice. She's a very private person, with no real inkling to do so, and that's fine, I still don't push her. BUT, I CAN assure you that she would have a nice long talk with your cousin if she could. Y'all being in your 40's, and, (I'll assume) both available, I have no doubt what she would say. She would tell her that if she has a chance to be happy with you, she'd damn well better take it. Life is very short. I was maybe a little older than you when I showed up here, and it seems like only yesterday, but it's getting closer to 8 years now. A lot has happened. For me, a lot has changed. Much of it came out of the blue at me last year. I WAS happy, but that all went away. I'm not as jaded as I was immediately after my divorce in 2013, but, I'm much more guarded with my heart. I won't let it be broken again. We have so few chances at happiness, I'd hate to see you two walk away from one. When the "what if's" come, and they will, you want to be sure you did everything you could have to convince her. You may not be able to convince her, but you'll know you tried, and didn't just let her walk. The stigma is still so strong in mine, that I'm not totally convinced if she was available, she'd go for it even now. BUT, I can assure you, YOU have MUCH more information now than I did in 1983, to at least TRY to convince her. She may not be able to wrap her head around it, but, if you don't put some effort into trying, I can guarantee she's gone. You may not want to push, and you can't BE pushy, but you'd best at least push the envelope. I won't tell you to beg, but it does behoove you to do everything you can to get her here to this site, and show her all the facts. Feel free to show her this thread, and the replies, including this one. This should, if at all possible, be done in person, quietly, with only the two of you there, where you can both speak candidly. It's time to test the waters. Don't be scared. When you think you're in over your head, put your foot down. You'll find it's not as deep as you thought it was.......js

    • Like 1
    • Upvote 1

  18. Somebody rang?

     Young Casey,

     Since my lamp was rubbed, I'll pop in. I'll not be "snippy", and I'll try to stay focused, and not go off on a tangent. I generally DO get windy, and tangents abound, but, I'll try to focus, even though I have a LOT going on IRL.

     Ok. Here goes.

     If you'll notice my profile, I'm the resident junk yard dog. I have that moniker for several reasons. Mostly because I lay around quietly, but bite when I feel like it. And, I really have no qualms left. I'm an equal opportunity biter, and swing a mean banhammer. But, relax, you're not there. Yet. I will agree that you write well for your age. Reminds me of the cat in the mirror when I was your age, what I remember of those days. I hope this isn't too much of a tangent, but, you asked who the hell I am, and now you know.

     Now, to the mention of my "good advice", especially to younger members. I like to say I'm not so good at telling people what to do, but, at my age, I CAN assure you, I'm getting pretty damn good at what NOT to do. In my current predicament, I would advise you to NEVER get in ANY kind of relationship. EVER. MGTOW, and all of that. But, that's not why you're here, and, I doubt you'd listen till your my age and have your own PhD in Hard Knocks. So, with that in mind, let's delve, shall we? 

     I certainly don't want to put anyone down, (and the girls may pummel me, won't be the first time) but, from your adequate description in your OP, your cuz seems to be at the very least possibly the "clingy" type. Nothing wrong with that, and totally to be expected at your ages. And, as you rightly note, at your ages, the hormones are a raging. Nothing wrong with that, and also totally expected. How the two of you deal with it at this point WILL have long term consequences. That has been noted, and fact. If family should find out at this stage that there are shenanigans, you two WILL be separated and watched like hawks. (no pun intended) That, even IF they would be more or less fine with it, in say another 5 to 10 years. Am I so old and fuddy duddy to think there WON'T be repeat performances, and they will probably go further? No. I AM a realist, and know where these things lead once they've started, without extreme caution and aforethought. That's what I'll try to impress upon you. You seem bright enough to do the things you need to do (and NOT do) at this point, so, I'll try to spout a few protips for you.

     1) Focus on school. Get, or keep the grades up. If you have any inkling this is something you may wish to pursue, you're going to have to be smart, and get smarter. You did well by at the very first here, ending up here, and getting the facts. The facts are the facts, and won't change regardless of others' opinions of them.

     2) Put this all on hold. You've mentioned you're going to put a close to it, and, you can certainly do that too. But, don't do it because it's "incest". It isn't, at least historically. Legally, in some places, yes. That doesn't make it so either, it just means laws have been passed without much thought. Not at all unusual either, happens every day. But, for the time being, think clearly, and TRY to get her to do the same. Let her know that nobody knows what the future holds, but, it there's going to be a chance of a future together, it can't be sabotaged now. 

     3) Focus on building the friendship. Get to know her intimately other than physically intimately. You two may find that you aren't as compatible as you may think now. Or, you may come to realize you ARE extremely compatible. These things are things to know BEFORE stepping off in the deep end and over your heads. In a few years (which will seem to DRAG ON AND ON) you will have a much better idea if this is somewhere you want to go. I always recommend being 20 years old at the least, and my personal preference is 22ish. Again, from personal experience I don't have time or space to go into here in this reply. As you can see, it's already getting windy. LOL 

     4) IF, in the future, situations arise (no erection pun intended, although that DOES go with it) and it's something you want to do, and BOTH of you are on the same page, then go for it, and don't let ANYBODY talk you out of it. Even yourself.........

    • Upvote 1

  19. Itsamemario,

     That's not lengthy, my standard reply to young members like yourself is usually VERY lengthy. But, for now, I don't have time to camp out on here to do it. 

     The TL/DR version is :

     1) Focus on school. If there's ever going to be a chance of things happening in the future, you'd best get smart. Get or keep the grades up.

     2) Put it all on the back burner. You're WAY too young to face the drama you certainly would at this early stage.

     3) You want to get close, like you were. Very good idea, but, sometimes not so easily done. Do your best, but don't overthink or overdo it. You have plenty of time.

     4) After putting this all on hold, except for doing the subtle little things to get closer, by the time she's 18, and you're 21 or so, you can step it up a little. Even in the meantime, if it seems as though you've gotten closer, you can use the old "tried and true" line of "If you weren't my cousin, _____________". Fill in the blank with whatever fits at the moment, like "you'd be the perfect GF for me", "I'd ask you to go out/be my GF", or some such. This is WAY out in front of where you are at the moment though, unless SHE comes out with something similar."

     5) If things do begin to progress, as I've mentioned, you HAVE to keep it on the back burner and down low until BOTH of you are of age. I personally recommend 20 to 22 years old or so. I know it sounds like forever, but it really does behoove you to wait. If you move too soon, and family finds out about it, they will most likely keep you separated. And, that will most likely ruin any chance there is in the future. You HAVE to get an education, get a job, and get out on your own before you get real carried away. You know, your roof, your rules. You also have to be sure legally you aren't going to get in a bind. As a mod, I can have a little peek, so, allow me.....  Ok. Where you are, (provided the index is correct, and you're not running a proxy) it is perfectly legal. And, I'm not totally sure about the laws there, but, the age of consent is probably lower than most places. Not a factor in my advice. I still say wait till you're in your 20's. Once you are, you'll find it easier to broach the subject, have a better chance of a positive response, and outcome.

     Do take your time, and keep in touch. We'll do our best to walk you through it as you go......

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