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Hawk

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Everything posted by Hawk

  1. I'll play along too Boss. Latest status? This job is finally starting to wind down. We are within days of moving across the river into KY/TN/MS. If I was guessing, the crew I'm on will do the station work. We're in one now, and there are two others, one in TN and one in MS. The one in MS MAY be done. I've not asked my boss about it, but heard he went down there within the last couple weeks. The one in TN needs a lot of clean-up and "prettying up", but is nowhere near as big a site as the one we're doing now. When we move across the river, I'll probably be real scarce except Sundays until we get done, probably close to a month. I'm ready for this thing to be over, LOL

    1. KC

      KC

      Sounds good man! Be safe out there!

  2. Morgan, To break the ice, there is not much better than what we call the "old tried and true" method of saying "If you weren't my cousin, I'd ______ (date you, be your GF, go out with you)". Fill in the blank to fit your particular situation at the time. If he responds similarly, you can step it up with something like "Actually, it doesn't really bother me so much that we ARE cousins. I probably would anyhow." If he reacts badly, you can always use the out of saying "I did say IF, you know. IF we weren't cousins.....". It still gives him something to think about, and you should not be surprised if at some point in the future, he didn't come back and say "You know, I've been thinking about this cousin thing, and..........". Maybe even after he looked into it, and found his way here. It wouldn't be the first time. If it gets to the point, then, at late 20's, you two are certainly old enough to have what we around here call "The Talk". You have an adult conversation about just where you think you would like to go with a relationship, then go there......
  3. Morgan, Your instinct CAN be wrong, but, it is usually a reasonable indicator......
  4. Morgan, I suppose it depends on how old the two of you are now. If you're still in your teens, my advice is going to be dramatically different than if you two are even 21/22 ish. If you are both available, and in your 30's or beyond, it will be a little more involved. It is also going to depend on where you live, so as to determine if there is the possibility of legal drama. I can have a little peek, (and did) and if our look-up is correct, where you are, it is perfectly legal. So, one potential problem out of the way. Now, do tell how old the two of you are, and we'll try to take it from there.....
  5. confusedANGEL, I have a little different take on it than Serendipity perhaps. I'm not so sure she had a little peek as to where you are, like I did. You do not mention where you are, so, rest assured, I shan't either. However, if the look-up is right, I'm extremely curious as to how this has went this long with the family drama. For one, I'm surprised either the marriage wasn't arranged, or you didn't face MAJOR repercussions for your actions. If you are of the culture where it shows you as being, and not of foreign decent living there, (and even if you are) I don't know how this whole thing managed to slide by, and someone not get seriously hurt or killed. All of that said, if he has actually done what he can without it being known openly, (and possibly threatening the well being of you and your child) and is now willing to step up, and in a position to do so, (you don't mention him being with anyone else) then I would at the very least have a nice long (overdue) adult conversation. The family was successful in keeping you apart for these many years. Now, as adults, when the truth finally needs to come out, and you two are now adults, they have no say any longer. I do know where you are, (again, if the look-up is right) it is more than perfectly legal for you two to marry, and it is regularly encouraged. However, I'm not sure if there would be legal or religious ramifications of you doing so at this late date, and with obvious evidence of previous premarital sex. (your son) Your situation is the PERFECT example of why I ALWAYS tell our younger members to put this all on the back burner until you are older, and in a position of independence. Since you did not, and it was ( you were in a motherly way) positively evident there was something going on, they were able to successfully keep you two apart. If you have the chance now, to make a go of it, even if you have to leave, I would strongly recommend it. You will still want to feel him out as Serendiptiy said, but, if he has been doing everything he can think of with out jeopardizing the safety of you and the child, I would think now is the time to make things right. If there is even the slightest risk of harm coming to any of you, all of this should be done most discretely. Then, leave if you must. As I say, it is well past time for this conversation. If he has been setting around biding his time for 11 years, I'll assure you, he has taken every contingency into consideration, and you would be well advised to hear him out. He may have plans already in place. Pick your steps carefully and quietly, and take things as they come.....
  6. Hawk

    Texas...

    lilianaa22, We aren't lawyers, and don't give legal advice. That said...... Leave Texas, and stay gone. You are dancing on very thin ice. You will be breaking the law by having intimate relations, you cannot marry there, and you cannot marry elsewhere and return there. The statutes could very likely be overturned, but unless you have extremely deep pockets and hard heads, why test it? California and Florida are excellent options, as is Georgia. In fact, economic conditions being what they are, unless you have options in California, I would look very hard for jobs whilst in Florida. js
  7. Hawk

    "She's My Sister!"

    Sab, Though this site is directed toward cousins who are attracted to each other, or already to the point of being in love, and you didn't mention that this young man is kin/cousin to you, the rules are still pretty much the same. You get the "broken record speech to young members" I've become infamous for, just without the "cousin" parts that tend to complicate matters at times. Ready? Here goes..... First. Keep your nose in the books. Don't let these hairy legs distract you from your studies. I'm sure it's all quite flattering to have these older boys falling all over you, but, I can assure you what the main intention is. I doubt I need spell it out for you. You'll have the summer off, so the books won't be all that big of a concern until time to go back to school, but do try to stay focused on your future. Don't be getting into any neeked shenanigans with either, or ANY of these boys until you are of age to do so, and of a mind to decide which one (if either of these two) you would like to have pursue you, and vice versa. As far as the "little sis" comment goes, out of the one you have taken somewhat of a liking to, he probably felt that way initially, but, as you are getting older, he's seeing you as more of the young woman you are becoming. See my "I doubt I need to spell it out" comment above. I know you like hanging with them, but, if they can't cool the jets, it may be time for a new circle of friends. They need to learn to respect you as a friend, just as you need to let them know that as of now, that's all it is. If that isn't enough, then, you'll need new friends to hang out with. No pressure. You're too young for it, and don't need it when you get older either.
  8. NurseCousin, Welcome. I'm glad he shared this site with you, and you decided to take the time to investigate the facts further. Don't worry if he was a little too forthcoming. You are anonymous here. We mods and admins have the ability to have a little peek at where you are, but, our look-up is nowhere near so accurate as to give your actual street address, and if it does, we consider it suspect. It shows me as being in the town 6 miles west of where I actually am. For our purposes, which particular State one is in will suffice. We'll not be sending out Christmas cards or anything such as that. do not worry about TMI here. I've stated before, (but since the upgrade, those posts may be lost) and I will state again: I personally will physically destroy my hard drive before I ever reveal ANY (however minuscule) information on ANY member here, unless there is evidence of something of the nature of child abuse or some such. There are plenty enough AF officers, yours won't be narrowed down from anything mentioned here, trust me. It's also been a while since I've went into any detail about my specific situation. Like you and yours, me and mine are 2nd cousins. We were born a week to the day apart, me being a week older. As very young kids, we were not in contact, since they were all over the world for her Dad's work. At ~ 10 yrs old, they came back, her parents divorced, and through that, and her Grandfather's passing (my Grandfather's brother) her, her Mom and sister moved across the street from us. We all played and had a large time. As kids, there was really nothing between us, and I actually had the kid crush on her older sister. But, from the time we met, and our Mom's had us tell each other our birth dates, and it dawned on us we were a week to the day apart, we were always "best/favorite cousins" and still are. As we grew older, we moved several miles out in the country, to another school district, they moved to another place, and we lost the close contact we had. But, we both liked to party, our circles overlapped to some degree, so we still saw each other on occasion. Then, when we were 20, through a series of events, we were both unattached, she needed a favor, I obliged, and asked if she wanted to come hang out. She did, I went and got her, and, a little partying here and there, and one thing leading to another, in fairly short order, poo got real, as I can say and skirt the cuss filter. LOL So, for a couple weeks, we had quite the little fling. Our "moment" we call it. Like you, she wasn't sure of any aspect of us being able to be together, such as the legalities and genetics. She was also quite nervous as to what our friends would say, as they all knew we were cousins. Our Mom's wouldn't have cared, and her Mom was actually speechless (no mean feat) when she figured out we had just crawled out of the hay one morning. But, she never said a word, and actually got a huge grin, and went back to her conversation. My Mom wouldn't have cared either. But, she didn't know that. I wouldn't have cared what anybody thought, but, she got nervous, I didn't want to push her, so, we walked away, and let the whole affair be quite awkward for about 3 decades. In the last 5 years or so, we've been back in contact, aired it all out, and it's all good. The timing has never been, and I don't see any way it ever would be, right, to where we could pick back up. She has a long term BF, and, even though I'm not in a relationship at the moment, I'll NOT be getting in the way of hers. We have no stomach for cheating with each other, so, there'll be no shenanigans. Way too much water has passed beneath the bridge. That's why I will tell you two to do what it takes to be together and happy, if you at all possibly can. If you are more comfortable taking things slow and keeping it on the down low, then by all means, do so. Eventually you will want to be open to the world as a couple, but, there will still be no need to be overly forward about sharing the actual relationship with the world. Family will know, and that's fine. They'll either be OK with it, or they'll get over it, as will the ex. If you'd rather not have a hot mess of drama out of him, then I would certainly agree with you keeping it on the down low for the 3 years or so that it will take to where he has no right to even mention it. Even if before that, he can't DO anything about it, he can raise it as an issue. Why bother listening to it? I'm sure the two of you will be able to play it by ear and you will know at each step, how to proceed..... So again, welcome, and feel free to share as your comfort level allows, and keep us posted on the progress. We like the success stories, of which, you two have the potential to be.
  9. I cleaned out my inbox, so, I think I should be able to get PM's again...
  10. Rosy, So long as it is legal where you are, you two are certainly old enough to make your own decisions as to what you want to do, and what makes you happy. You didn't mention where you are, so, I shan't either. But, as a mod, I do have the ability to have a little peek. I'm not totally familiar with the laws there, but, IIRC, first cousins cannot marry there. From that starting point, you have to determine if first cousins once removed are allowed to marry. If so, you would be free to have whatever relationship, up to, and including marriage, that you so choose. You will want to have a good look at the marriage laws there, and see exactly where you stand. IF it is legal, the two of you should really have a good 'ole set-down heart to heart talk, and get on the same page, and determine to stand up to any potential family "bullies" you may have to deal with.
  11. I'll ALSO agree with the others. I'm probably a little more devious though. Let this asshat hire a PI, "THE BEST" lawyer, and let him pee away his not so hard earned $$$. It would make for a large dose of reality check. I personally love to see an arrogant arse get a good smack-down. Judges have a tendency to enjoy giving them out too, in my experience. Second cousins you are indeed, and second cousins are perfectly legal in ALL 50 States, as noted. As far as the rest of the family is concerned, who cares? I'd be willing to bet that if her mother is still in a good enough mental state, she would not be surprised, and would probably tell you she always knew there was just a little more going on than met the eye, back in the day. Mom's can sense these things, not just from their daughters, but usually, even more so, from their sons. It wouldn't surprise me if your and her mother didn't discretely speak of just how "close" the two of you were. Don't look for drama out of her, and don't pay any attention to any of it out of anyone else. Not their circus, not their monkies.... You two get on about the business of building on the foundation that was laid all those years ago, and unearthed and dusted off of late. If you have the chance to be together and make each other happy, and truly commit to making that happen, you shall surely be blessed. If you are still somewhat nervous, take things slowly, as you would any other relationship. We always say the sneaking around can be exhilarating initially, but, eventually, it WILL become drudgery. However, it would seem you only have to do it for 4 years at the most, if you don't quite have the stomach for stupidity out of her ex. I would also strongly encourage you to get her here, show her the facts on the main page, and then show her this thread, and our advice. Join up as members, or even joint members, as we have a few instances of couples having an account. Just, when posting, post as X-ray him or X-ray her, so as we know to which of you we are speaking. Other than that, I'm going to reiterate again, GO FOR IT, AND DON'T LET ANYBODY STOP YOU.
  12. Let's get the standard disclaimer out in the open again, that we do not give legal advice. However, if I'm looking at the lists of States and what is allowed further down on the State Laws page, Illinois does allow 1C1R's to marry. Again, I would want to have a close look at the actual statute, but, IIRC, it does only say first cousins, then followed by the age and sterility exceptions for first cousins. It, unlike WI and a few others, does not say "nearer than second cousins".
  13. Violet, LadyC is probably correct in that you could challenge the law and prevail. I have a sneaking suspicion the reason WI dropped the aforementioned case was, they had a pretty good indication said member had excellent representation, and would most likely have the law overturned. I'm reasonable sure that played at the very least a considerable part of why they dropped it. There were other issues involved as well, which led to the charges in the first place. Some of those issues were mute by the time this all started making it's way through the system, so there was that as well. All of that said, unless you have REALLY deep pockets, as well as really large, (hmm, how can I say this without running afoul of the cuss filter?) testes lets say, I would still advise you to trend his direction as opposed to him coming your direction. You haven't mentioned your age, only that you just graduated. I may have wrongly assumed you were talking about high school, when in fact you may be referring to college. If you have just graduated high school, I'll assure you, you are in no position to take on such a fight. You are in no position to take on the drama of your family. If you have just graduated college, you are in the slightly better position of being able to start looking for a job in Illinois. Or, should the two of you decide elsewhere would be better, find a better part of the country where you see green. https://www.cousincouples.com/?page=states I can tell you, that as a long term, and all but lifetime resident of Illinois, if you can find desirable, gainful employment elsewhere, you would do well to seriously consider it. I'm rather partial to GA myself, and Nat will tell you to come on down to FL. There are also "red" States that do not allow full first cousins, but do not prohibit 1C1R's. I updated some of the links to the statutes within the last year or so, but, you would have to dig for yourself, as I don't have time at the present to dig into it for you. I love that sort of thing, but I'm a way busy old goat at the moment. That link has a section which says which States allow 1C1R's IIRC. Have a look at that. It will be all of the "green States, probably some of the "yellow" States, and a handful of "red" one too. Happy hunting, and perhaps a little more info as to your ages would help us further tune our advice to your particular situation.
  14. Violet, It's been a while since I've looked at the exact verbiage of the statute in WI, BUT I do know for full first cousins, it's probably about as bad as any of the States get. Full first cousins are considered criminal incest, and in at least one instance we know of, the State went after a member here. It was eventually dropped, but not before considerable gnashing of teeth and digging into case law. Being in IL, I can tell you it is much friendlier. I'm not exactly sure whether 1C1R's can marry here, but, I do know full first cousins can't. (Well, actually, there are exceptions, but you're probably not anywhere near meeting them at your age, and I'll assume, fertility level.) That said, cousins are not on the list of criminal incest, and Illinois has very quietly stopped prosecuting any cases of incest between consenting adults. As far as marrying, again, I'm not sure, and as bad as I hate to say it because this State is so financially screwed up, I do believe Illinois IS your better option. I would however encourage you to further your studies beyond your recent graduation, put this on a slow burn, then, when you get some sort of marketable degree or certs, and can support yourself, ramp it up. I always recommend at least 20 years of age, and personally prefer the couple (or at least the younger of the two) to be 22ish or so before they strike out on their own. So long as you are beholden to family for your roof, they have a legitimate say in your affairs. Once it's YOUR roof, it's YOUR rules....... When you get to that point, go for it, and don't let anyone or their drama stop you.
  15. Cutecousins, The relationship would be the nearest, which would be, half siblings. That they would also be cousins is irrelevant as the half sibling relationship would be the primary relationship in their case. Kids are going to make fun of each other over every little thing, no matter what. The best way to deal with it when it starts is for the child to say "Uh, yeah, so what? What's the big deal?" and let it roll off like water off a ducks back. Hard to do, I know, believe me, but really about the most effective way to deal with it. If the other kids know they can't get a rise out of him/her over it, they will look elsewhere for a more sporting target of their aggression and taunts....
  16. I don't know if she knows it yet. Let's see what she thinks when she logs on and sees the things she's never seen before, LOL. I remember just before I became a mod, for some reason, for several hours, every member I suppose was a mod. We couldn't see the admin section, and I don't recall how I figured out the privileges were somewhat open, but I think it was when I was checking spam member profiles, and I saw an option of "delete this account." I was like "YEE HAWW, I got you spammers now." I took the liberty of swinging the banhammer mercilessly. I deleted well over 100 of the old spam accounts, and was ROFLMAO so hard I nearly.......... well, let's just say I thoroughly enjoyed it. Then, when I did become a mod, and saw the sections only staff can see, I thought "Hmm, this is new. I wonder what's up with this" until it dawned on me, I looked at either my profile or a thread and posts I was in, and saw I had become a global moderator....
  17. I've never mentioned this publicly, but I may as well now. Some weeks ago, I made this same suggestion, and passed it up the food chain. I suggested it because I knew my time here would be limited with all of the changes in my life, and if/when I went back to work. I had no idea this job was going to take up pretty much ALL my time. I will second this nomination, if you would like to proceed LadyC, and if you would be willing to moderate, Serendipity.....
  18. ^^^ That right thar. Provided you are both available, and it's legal where you are, go for it. What are they going to do? Put you in "time out"? I think not....
  19. I'll bite. Things are finally calming down in my head and in my reality SOMEWHAT. But, just as I thought I might pop back in regularly, I've been called out to a pipeline job that is suppose to last 6 weeks or so, and is going to be 6/10s. I should make a buck or two on this deal, and it will give me another quarter of paid insurance. It will hopefully time out to where I can beat feet up to a real sweet job in the area where Cuz is. I have no guarantee of getting on that job, but if I do, I WILL be scarce around here for probably the next three years. I should be able to check in nightly, but I doubt I'll be able to camp out in here like I have in times past. I'll have a free Sam Adams or three, and a slice or two of pizza, but I have my own wild women to try to keep in line, so it's probably just as well we're not overran with them at the moment, LOL Oh look, here's one of my gals pulling up now.....
  20. If she is your grandmother's daughter's daughter, she is your first cousin. If she is your grandmother's sister's (or brother's) daughter's daughter, she is your second cousin. You should build the friendship for now, and focus on your schooling, and NOT bring any of this up to your mother. You would be looking at WAY too much drama for you to handle at your age. In 5 years or so, when you are either independent, or a whole lot closer to being able to be, you then try to determine if there are mutual feelings on her part. If there are, THEN you decide if you two want to wade off in it, and face any potential drama. Believe me when I tell you, now is NOT the time. Put it on the back burner, build the friendship to the point she may come to see you as a good potential life partner when she gets older, but do not move too fast now. You risk the whole thing blowing up in your face. Be patient my young friend.....
  21. Neverfeltlikethis, I took the liberty of a quick censor for you. Hope you don't mind. Trust me, at my age, and the crazy :shocked: I've done, I can certainly be a prime example of what not to do myself. I notice you didn't follow my, or anyone else's advice. Not a problem. You just dug the hole deeper. Now, you just have a little more to climb out of. I didn't get the job I interviewed for, and haven't busted a move just yet, but, I will be getting a change of scenery one way or the other. I do have a better than average chance of moving about 3 hours away for about 3 years, and make some BIG $$$. My rough patch got even worse before it got better too, but, things are starting to calm down, and I'm finally starting to get my head screwed on right. You can't make people love you, and there's no sense in begging. I won't beg, and I'm going to be very leery of ever starting another relationship. I'm too old to take the pain when they go south. With my track record, I'm apparently not very good at it anyhow. I'm quite enjoying my quiet time for now anyhow. My advice still stands. If you haven't got out of there yet, get the ride gassed up, and get a move on. I DO know for sure how a change of scenery helps. I've been making regular trips to Memphis of late, and it really helps my frame of mind. So, again, if you've not rolled yet, get a move on.
  22. Ashish Kumar, First of all, you let her grow up. She may seem to act like she is closer to your age, but the difference would become quite apparent in pretty short order. As Buddhists, I'm not really sure as to what the law would be, but, I do believe it is allowed. Don't quote me on it, you will have to dig deeper for yourself. I'm not sure at what age girls can marry where you are, but even if it's allowed, it's certainly not advisable at this point. Since you are still in school, you need to be focusing on that. When you are out and working, you need to focus on that, and encourage her to focus on her schooling, and put all of this puppy love on the back burner until she is about your age. In the meantime, she can bounce the idea off of your mothers, discretely, to see how much drama there may or may not be. And, to you, we do not allow e-mails to be openly posted. I've redacted it for you. It is for your own protection. Please don't do it again, or you will risk getting the banhammer....
  23. Hawk

    Question

    Liz, If I'm doing the math correctly, you would be third cousins once (one generation) removed. You and your friend's parent (mother or father, whichever) would be third cousins, your friend, being the next generation, would be "once removed" from this primary relation of third cousins.....
  24. Mantis, It depends on how old the two of you are. And what State you're in. And how dependent you are on family for a roof over your head. Your up side is, apparently, the feeling is mutual. The biggest hurdle in most cases (trying to determine how the other person feels) has been crossed in your case.
  25. Aryan, The genetics and associated risks are fairly well known, but even if you were not related, with the incidences of these non-related (no pun intended) conditions so prevalent, you would still be well advised to see a genetic counselor. The overwhelming chances are, that any children would be just fine. Up until a GC would find evidence to indicate otherwise, I would NOT stress over this aspect in the least. You are in a somewhat unique position as compared to most members and guests here who are from India, in that, you are cross cousins, and, in the South, where it IS permitted. That said, since it isn't so common in your family, you may still encounter considerable resistance from your family. My advice would be, to have all of the facts, including the Marriage Act, on hand to provide evidence for your case. I would also emphasize the fact that when these marriages are either arranged or encouraged, it is to have the opposite effect of what your family may perceive. That is, they may think it will drive the family apart, but when it is accepted and preferred, it is to draw the family ties closer, along with keeping a measure of the family wealth within the family. Emphasize the benefits of this arrangement in a well thought out manner, and firmly stand your ground.
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