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Everything posted by Hawk

  1. LostWithReason, I'm going to say he feels the same as you. Whether it's been there as long on his part as it has yours remains to be seen. I have a feeling he's just as nervous about his feelings as you are. I'll also assume your being so cautious all this time ("I've never been one to take risk without knowing 100% for sure that a situation is correct,") has led to caution on his part as well. However, his behavior betrays his feelings, even if subconsciously. If this relationship of yours is pretty much over, don't drag it out, call it quits. We don't go for infidelity here, and, even though you aren't married, at this point, you are still technically attached. Though at this point, my cousin and I are neither married, we are both in committed relationships, and have been agreed since well before I was divorced that we have no stomach for cheating with each other. So, there will be no shenanigans on our part. Do you and your current "partner" a favor, and be fully available before you go down a new road. When you are free to pursue your feelings, I'll still advise you to go back to the old "If you weren't my cousin, ______" line. It breaks the ice, and at the same time gives you an out. If he agrees, you step it up, and say "Actually, we aren't related THAT close, so it doesn't REALLY bother me all that much that we ARE cousins." Perfectly honest. Remember, you now have the facts. But, if he reacts badly, actually does have the "ick" factor, and says "OMG, what are you talking about?", you have the out of saying "I did say IF you know? IF we weren't cousins...." Then, at least for the time being, you'll have to drop it. It will give him food for thought though, so don't be surprised if he doesn't come back at some point, (after possibly finding his way here, LOL) and say, "You know, I've been thinking...." I really don't think you have to worry about that though. I really think he feels almost exactly like you do. You just have to pry it out of him. :grin: At the next round of "touchy- huggy- feely" out of him, reciprocate. If it's in your comfort zone, and without prying eyes, kiss him. You'll know pretty quick how he feels then, and at that stage, you break the ice, and go from there....
  2. LostWithReason, If your grandfathers are brothers, then you two are second cousins. If you are seriously considering a relationship with him, then you need to button up any loose ends on your part. Beyond that, see above. You two are surely old enough to proceed. Get your facts in a row for any nay-sayers in the family, and don't worry about what anyone else says. The parents of your children don't get a say either. With second cousins being legal in all 50 States, if they say they will take the kids, smile and say "Try....". I personally would love to go before a judge and say "Your Honor, with second cousins being legal to marry in all 50 States, and us considering a relationship possibly up to and including that, just exactly WHY are we here?" Then, just set back and enjoy the smackdown, LOL Of course, again, way out in front of where you are at this point. If you and your current SO are agreed that it's pretty much over, then part as amicably as possible, and take any time until you do see your cousin to refocus. I'll encourage you to step it up as mentioned, but, do treat it as you would any new relationship. Because in reality, that's what it will be. That you two have known each other for as long as you have is not so unusual. It's only "the cousin factor" that causes the little wrinkle in it. You will probably want to be discrete initially. There is no need to invite unneeded drama until you find out if there is actually a mutual attraction and possibility of it going forward. If things do progress, don't be surprised if it gets very intense in relatively short order. That happens. We hear how the connection is so strong, and aspects of it being "uncanny", for lack of a better word. That's how it was with me and my second cousin. We were just a little too young at the time, (20) and had no such resource as this site. We have the whole "finish each others sentences, know what the other is thinking" thing that many members mention having when they come here. The actual verbalizing our feelings would have probably helped though. As would having been considerably more sober when we did so. But it is what it is, and now, decades later, it's all good. You want to have the nerve to have the conversation, preferably before any neeked shenanigans, but if not, certainly afterwards. Be sure you have the facts about cousin couples, because he may not (probably won't) know them, and might be overwhelmed by it at first. Tell him "Don't be skeered", show him this site, then decide where you want to go with it.
  3. LadyC, The thought that they could be 1C1Rs did occur to me as well, seeing as there is the age difference.... But, usually, first cousins know it. It's 1C1Rs that think they are 2nds, and 2nds that think they are 3rds, and so on.
  4. LostWithReason, Second cousins are legal to marry in all 50 States, and pretty much everywhere in the world we are aware of. Even Texas. I'm not doubting your actual relation, but are you sure you are second cousins, and not first cousins once removed? If either of you is the first cousin of one of the parents of the other, then you are 1C1R's. If one each of your parents are first cousins, then indeed, you are second cousins. (As in, one of your grandparents and one of his grandparents are siblings) This is one of the more confusing aspects of how the old family tree branches out, and one we often must clear up among our new members. There are some States, (LadyC, being in Texas, and married to her 1C1R, would know for sure about Texas) that do make the distinction that 1C1R's cannot marry, and others (such as Kentucky) word it as "not nearer of kin than second cousins". Also, with second cousins, there is no need for a dispensation from the diocese. Now, as to his feelings toward you, and how to figure that out. First off, how old are the two of you, and are either of you in a relationship at this point? If he's in the USMC, I'm sure he's of age, and from your tone and grammar, I'll assume you are as well. Provided I'm correct, and neither of you are attached at this point, you may as well have an adult conversation on the matter. Just by his behavior as you describe it, he has some level of feelings, possibly ( IMHO, probably) romantically inclined at least to some degree. Have either of you ever used what we call "the old tried and true 'If you weren't my cousin.....' " line? If so, how did that conversation go? If not, it sounds like it's time to go there, and see if that doesn't segue into "The Talk". Of course, if you are both unattached, the next time he's home, and his affection level is what it tends to be when you are single, why not ramp it up a little? Call his bluff so to speak, and see how far he's willing to take it. Actions do speak considerably louder than words. BUT, before you take it to it's eventual conclusion, sprinkle enough cool water on it to get some ground rules in place. Intimacy will change things. It is very apt to get very intense, very quickly, trust me. If things move too fast, it could overwhelm either or both of you, and the fears of what others will think could make you walk away from it. Again, trust me. If you are worried about what family will say, you will tend to be very discrete. Initially, the sneaking around can be very exhilarating and exciting. Eventually, it will become drudgery. All of this is out in front of where you are at this point, and, I see LadyC has hit a couple of my points too, when I went to preview this. Being Catholic, I'm assuming it isn't beyond you two to have a glass of wine or two either. That works to loosen the tension, but you would be well advised to not over imbibe in the middle of this process of discovering each others feelings. Again, trust me on that too. While you don't want to overthink it, you will want to have where you're going to go with this thought out with a clear head. Get a little too schnockered, let things get carried away, and you could find yourselves feeling quite awkward in the sober light of morning. Don't let it get awkward. Once again, trust me on that.
  5. I've always been more of a David Gilmore guy than a Roger Waters guy. But, I saw this several months back whilst, well, lets not go into what we were doing.... Anyhow, I find myself looking it up once a week or so since then. This is Part 1, Part 2 should show up as the first vid on the top right if you have the time to kill watching the whole thing. One of the links is to the whole DVD for any die hard Pink Floyd/Roger Waters fans.
  6. Keith Cambra, You don't want to play around in Texas. Or Wisconsin. Nevada either, as I recall. Possibly Oregon and a couple others as I recall. I would have to go back and look to see for sure. Texas and Wisconsin are the worst, I do know. Sexual relations between first cousins are felonious there, and would most likely be pressed. The others, while it may be felonious, maybe, maybe not. Rhode Island, Ohio, and Illinois have quietly decided to not prosecute any incest cases involving consenting adults, although cousins are not on the list there. Who knows what would actually happen anywhere to be honest. 50 States, 50 different sets of shysters setting and enforcing the rules. However, in most States where there is a marriage prohibition, it is NOT criminal incest. And actually, as crazy as it sounds, in Wisconsin, where it is a felony, and they will come after you if it suits their cause, first cousins can legally marry, and have relations, provided both parties are over 55 (IIRC) and/or one party can produce an affidavit of sterility from a physician. Go figure.... Bottom line, get out of Texas, or don't leave/produce empirical evidence. You have the right to remain silent, I suggest you fully enjoy that right so long as you are in Texas. Your Mom can't just have you thrown in jail. There would have to be evidence rising to probable cause to be arrested, and rising beyond a reasonable doubt to convict. The rantings of a hysterical woman won't cut it. Should she get the two of you on video in an uncompromising position, then, yeah, you in a heap a trouble boy, as the old saying goes. They would most likely prosecute, and put the two of you on the sex offender registry for life. My advice, don't chance it. Go to Colorado, New Mexico, Florida, or Georgia, (or any of the green States here: https://www.cousincouples.com/?page=states ) and don't worry about it.
  7. Shahzad, At 19, you two are certainly old enough to set down and have a long talk and find out how you feel about each other. I know that probably makes you nervous, but, you need to ask her, so you know whether there is the possibility of a future together or not. Now is the time to find out, before you are older, and have wasted time either not being together if she does feel the same, or not looking further for your life partner if she is not interested. You didn't mention where you are, so I won't either, but I did have a little peek. You are lucky, in that where you are, it is not only quite common for cousins to marry, but many times is arranged for you. This could be another option you would want to explore. Would your parents agree, and possibly arrange a marriage if she were to be open to the idea? Would they be willing to help you convince her, without putting undue pressure on her? You don't want to push her, but, at the same time, you don't want to overlook any genuine assistance you may be able to have. Have you spoke with your father about this? How about her father? I think this would show great respect to ask their advice on this matter. If they are open to the idea, perhaps you would wish to bring her mother into the conversation. Her mother could be most influential in convincing her I would think. While my knowledge of your country and culture is limited, I do get the impression my advice would be sound there.
  8. naren, See my reply to your other post in Help/Advice.
  9. nessa76, I won't say it won't work. I have a pineapple in The Room that has made a baby pineapple once, and I'm waiting on it to make another one...
  10. I had the same issue the other day Boss
  11. Tom, No, you don't ask her for sex. You're too young for it, or you wouldn't be here asking such a question. 6 years from now, go for it. For now, put this energy into getting your schooling out of the way, staying close enough that in several years, when the two of you ARE old enough to step it up, you're smart enough to do so, and be able to deal with the consequences. What are you going to do, if now, at your ages, she says yes? Well, I know what you'd do, but, what would you do if she said yes, and then got pregnant? Humm? That IS how that whole thing happens you know. Folks older than you slip on their birth control, and they have a better grasp of what they're doing than you do. It doesn't really matter what family would think if you two are 20/21 and engage in the shenanigans, but I'll assure you, that even if they would be fine with it then, they'll have a major high speed come-apart if they find out there's neeked tom-foolery going on now. (And they WILL find out, believe me. Folks twice your age can't hide it for long.) They would go to extraordinary lengths to keep the two of you apart. How do you think that would affect the special relationship you two have? Negatively, I'll guarantee you. Put this all on the back burner for the time being, BOTH of you, get your noses in the books. Get smart. Stay close, just don't let things get out of hand. As you get older, since there IS already SOME physical interaction between the two of you, (and, reality being what it is) you could SLOWLY step up the physical. You would be well advised to wait until you are 18 before you take it all the way. As I said, I prefer 20ish, and personally, I recommend 22ish. Me and mine were 20, and STILL not old enough to realize the impact of our actions. Now in our 50's, we do, but it's much to late to go back. Sex is wonderful. But, it DOES change the dynamics of a relationship. Not always for the better. You have sex now, and she'll get weird on you. Well, to YOU her behavior afterwards will seem weird. To her, it's just behavior "after" she's given herself to someone. Don't even try to figure out why it changes. I could easily be your grandpa, and I ain't figured it out. You head will explode trying to figure women out. You're too young to be trying, trust me. 100 years ago, it wouldn't have been any big deal for the two of you to get married even at your ages. But, 100 years ago, you wouldn't have been expected to live a whole lot longer than MAYBE three times the age you are now. Attitudes and maturity levels have changed a whole lot in that time, as evidenced by your being here, and asking what you are. It's kinda like riding a Harley, and people saying "What is it with this Harley thing" and me saying "If you have to ask, you wouldn't understand." Same thing really. If you have to ask, you ain't there yet......
  12. Moon Potato, While my situation isn't EXACTLY like yours, I do know about being estranged from the cousin. Me and mine had what we call our little "moment" a little over 3 decades ago. I know about weird. We let it get weird. (read awkward) We walked away from the whole affair, and it was awkward, for 30 years. We were all but totally out of contact with each other for that time. We saw each other on very rare occasions at a family function of some sort, and she was at one of our class reunions, I forget which one exactly, probably our 20th. We would speak, but never of us. It happened, we didn't regret it, we just didn't go for it. It wasn't that it was so weird for us, but in her mind, it was so weird to the world, that she didn't want to deal with the possible drama. And, I didn't push her. We just walked away from it. Family wouldn't have been an issue. We were born a week to the day apart. We'd met. They knew how close we were. About 5 years ago or so, we got back in touch. Not close contact, but, in touch. About 3 years ago, we spent a good amount of time together. One night, we had a nice little set down, and aired it all out. Along about that time, she started traveling for work. When she's home, her kids and grandkids keep her plate overflowing until it's time for her to go out again. She was home here a while back for 3 weeks to a month or so, and we never got the chance to speak. She detests the phone, and even texting, so, I really wasn't surprised. She usually stops in the night before she goes back on the road, but this time, I didn't hear from her. So, she'll get in touch when she wants to, or has time. She's got my number and FB. Being incommunicado was SOP for so long, it isn't really all that out of the ordinary. There's no real need for your situation to end in disaster. The ball is in her court. She knows how you feel. Give it time. You may have to give it a LOT of time. She very well may feel the same way as you, but has bought into all the pablum that is the stereotype and taboo nature of it. I would not go out of my way to avoid her, but I wouldn't go out of my way trying to contact her either. If there is a family function, go, be cordial to her, be civil to her, and DON'T wear this on your sleeve. Don't bring it up again. Let her digest it for a while. She may never change her mind, but, there's probably nothing you can do that will cause her to change it. There's plenty you can do to screw up any chance of her ever changing her mind, and make matters worse. Just act naturally, and don't push. She'll miss you. She probably already does, she just can't figure out how to wrap her head around the whole thing. If you weren't family, she'd friendzone you, but, that's a little difficult to do to family, now isn't it? In the mean while, get out of the house. Get out and about, and don't dwell on it. You may think she is the best woman in the world for you, but you may just be wrong. I'm seeing a wonderful woman right now. I knew there were such good natured, even tempered women out there, I just didn't see any of them like that giving ME the time of day. Well, guess what? One did. Cuz is one, but, we'll never be together. Much too much water under the bridge now, at the age we are. There are things Cuz and I would have had issues over. Deal-breakers? Probably not, but issues none the less. With this gal, nah. There are a couple things here and there that have cropped up, but it has never lead to raised voices. I'm still in the process of getting use to a calm discussion of an issue as opposed to a screaming tantrum of BS. But, I'm getting use to it. Get out and get in the mix. You can find someone with the same traits that attract you to your cuz, if you're looking, and not hung up on Cuz. Just put it on the back burner for the time being, see the sights, and then be patient enough to see if Cuz does come around some day. While mine never will, yours might. If she sees that there aren't many guys like you around, she may reconsider. If she does, (and maybe even if she doesn't, and is just curious about the topic) what is she likely to do? GOOGLE, LOL. Guess what happens when she does? Near the top, if not the top, is THIS place. Right now there are two Google spiders gleaning information from this site, which adds to it's ranking. The knowledge and information is here. She wouldn't be the first one to stumble in here after a cousin has admitted an attraction, and, having reservations, and thinking "It's Weird", looked into it, if nothing else, out of curiosity. Fear and "weird" are based on a lack of knowledge. Knowledge and the truth will set you free. Maybe she'll find the truth, and maybe not. Just don't you hold your breath waiting on her to, or till she does.....
  13. Personwithoutanaccount, You need to be "young cat with an account" and join. I REALLY have to dust off my "broken record speech" to young members and lurkers, and get it back out there in the ether for y'all. At the age you are, there is no reason the two of you cannot begin some basic groundwork for a future together, provided you're both on the same page. To figure that out, you may as well try out the old tried and true "If you weren't my cousin" schtick. BUT. I'm going to tell you right now, at your age, you are NOT going to be able to hide it. Since your family unit seems to not have been influenced negatively toward such a relationship from a skewered religious perspective, it doesn't mean they haven't been negatively influenced from a skewered "scientific/genetic" perspective. Atheists can be every bit, if not more, dogmatic in their closed-mindedness as the most pious "religious" person. As young as the two of you are, you are in no position to start such a p*ssing match. I'll give you the "Reader's Digest" version of the broken record speech, and try to keep it age appropriate for you two. Here goes. FIRST, focus on school. It's probably summer break right now, but, you focus on the books, and encourage her to do the same. Next, you may as well wade off at least as deep as the old "if you weren't my cousin" thing. If she reacts less than totally positive to it, you have the out of saying "I did say 'IF' you know? IF you weren't my cousin". Feel this out, and see how close you two are to the same page on it. If perchance you both feel the same, I'm going to encourage you to take it VERY slowly. I'm not going to say NO physical interaction, because I know, at your age, realistically, there will probably be some physical manifestation of your mutual affection. However, it behooves you to NOT go beyond what we consider, and you KNOW is age appropriate behavior. I assume I need not tell you that you are in no position to have her turn up in, shall we say, "a motherly way" at 15 yrs old. Ten years from now, who cares, but between now and then, you'd best be prepared for the contingencies. That means keeping your noses in the books, and getting smart. Keeping any neeked shenanigans on the back burner. Stay close, and build the friendship, to where you know each other fully, and intimately, between the ears, before you know each other intimately between the sheets. How close are these older siblings, and just how much older than the two of you are they? Do you suppose they have some sort of "history"? Are you able to confide in your sister to the point she may be willing to help you, and confide in you, if she has, or had, similar feelings toward Cuz's bro? This site is an excellent source of facts, but there is still nothing like hearing it from the "horse's mouth" of someone who's been there. I think you have some potential here, provided you don't push too hard, and move too fast. Keep that in mind in your considerations going forward....
  14. Roma, I got mine back up by going to my forum profile, in the "Personalized Picture" section, choosing "Upload an avatar", then clicking "Browse". It will either take you to "Pictures" on your computer, or "My Computer", where you will click through until you find "Pictures". Click the picture of your choice, then hit "Open" and it should load it to here.
  15. sassy , If he is your grandpa's brother's grandson, he is your second cousin. So far as we know, second cousins are legal to marry everywhere. WAY out in front of where you two are at this point, but, good information to have under your hat if things ever do progress further. There is no reason for you to think that you are "closer than you should be" either, unless there is something physical going on in which there is reluctance on one or the other's part. Since you don't mention any such thing, I'm going to call this (so far) platonic relationship perfectly healthy for a pair of young adults such as yourselves. So as we don't hijack this thread, perhaps you would like to join, and start a thread of your own, with a little more information. Like, are you still in school? (You should be, IMHO) Is he, or is he out on his own, and working? Things like that. Where the two of you are in life will determine the direction and speed with which we would advise you to proceed..... and even tips on HOW to proceed. Have you tried the ole "tried and true" "If you weren't my cousin, _________________" line on him to try to gauge his feelings by his reaction?
  16. Hawk


    JackQ, Don't be quite so quick with the pity for him, and others with disabilities. Most people with them find a way to cope just fine. You may be underestimating the human spirit too much. Many do find love, and have families even. Many times the children are NOT affected by the same disability as the parent(s) either. At least here in the U.S., the ADA has greatly improved access to not only buildings, but, by extension, society at large. Those with disabilities now have more opportunities than ever to succeed and live full, prosperous lives......
  17. Closetomydream, Unlike quarter25, I AM quite the fan of beer. I am kinda picky about my beer though. I want to taste it. But, I don't want it too odd either. My beer of choice is Sam Adams Boston Lager. Before that, the one that got me off Busch in tight times and Michelob in good times, was one called Pete's Wicked Ale. I've not seen it in quite some time, and I don't think they make it any more. I was having one one evening, and a couple friends said "If you like that, you'll like Sam Adams". I had one, and was hooked. In this area, there are several vineyards/wineries. They do fests every so often, one of the bigger ones in the fall, called "ColorFest", when the leaves have changed. Over the last couple years, several breweries have opened up. There is now a "beer trail" like the wine trail. I've not been, but probably will at some point. I would probably only sample one at each place, because we would most likely be on the Harley. There was a time I wouldn't have worried so much about it, but, as I've gotten older, (and hopefully a little wiser) I don't like to drink too much on the bike. Anywhere here in town is within what I call "crawling distance", so, I'll get a little more carried away here. I just don't want to be half schnockered 40 miles from home, and try to ride with one hand over an eye back to town. There is a local watering hole the next town south of here, and the owner has contracted with Schlafly out of St. Louis, (http://schlafly.com/) to make a "house" beer, a brown ale, on tap. (They make an excellent pale ale they are most famous for.) When there, I have the brown ale. I occasionally like a good oatmeal stout. I'm not a big fan of Guinness, I'll have a Killian's Red on occasion. Most of the IPAs I've tried are a little too hoppy for me. Within about 3 miles, there use to be a microbrewery, and I nearly cried when it closed. They had excellent food, and probably about 10 different beers, any of which I could drink, but usually got their oatmeal stout or (Illinois) Lincoln Lager. The oatmeal stout was as good as any I've ever had. I'd say if I ever do one of the fests as an event, I'll cage it, just to feel a little safer. The vineyards are where it's harder to moderate though, I've found. I'm not a huge fan of wine, but I've found a select few I like, and it's hard to stop at sharing one bottle with good food and good company.
  18. seema, He would then be your second cousin. We have a hard time nailing down the differences in the laws in the 50 United States. We here are generally clueless on the various Marriage Acts in India. However, If I have read it correctly, second cousins can LEGALLY marry. DO NOT quote me on this, you would have to read the Hindu Marriage Act. In it, first cousins in the North may not marry, but as is somewhat customary in the South, cross cousins can. Remember, this is first cousins, and your interest is your second cousin. That is why I think it is probably technically legal. However, as many find out, family may still have a major meltdown over it. If it were me, and it is legal, and it was what I wanted, I would get married, and let them have their meltdown........
  19. Love me some Yorkshire pudding... I made it once with the drippings of a prime rib. Yummy.
  20. august, Welcome back, it has been a while..... Details girl. Details. Where did you go get married? I'm fairly sure the Philippines still doesn't recognize it, so, has that been a problem? Has the family come around any, or is there still drama?
  21. Hawk

    Eagle Cam

    All, I don't know if any of you have ever seen any of the several "eagle cams" out there, but here is a favorite of The Good Widow, and her students. When she isn't using the smart board in her room, she streams this for her students to watch. This pair of eagles have been nesting on Berry College in Georgia since 2012. They've returned since then each year. This season, the female laid two eggs, on Jan 6th and 9th respectively. They hatched over the weekend. She was hoping they would hold off and not hatch until after this 3 day weekend, but, they did hatch on schedule. The feed is live, but you can scroll back to see when both adults are in the nest occasionally, and when the young are visible from time to time. Enjoy viewing "family time" with the symbol of our Nation.... http://berry.edu/eaglecam/
  22. Brandon, Probably that she likes you. Now, whether that rises to the level of her wanting to date you too, remains to be seen. She may have feelings for you too, OR, she may have been practicing her "flirting" skills on you, who would be considered a "safe" person for her to do so with. How old are the two of you anyhow? Why don't you join, and start your own thread either in shoot the breeze or advice?
  23. Jaxter, If I were guessing, I would say she's busting your chops a little, and is probably extremely flattered..... At 18, you're of age, so, call her on the flirting if you want. But, be advised, she's WAY out in front of you in maturity. You may think you're mature, and even BE mature for your age, but I'll assure you, she can chew you up and spit you out in real short order. I'm in no way implying she would do so, only that she's able. Voice of experience here. I ran after the older women hard for a long time. My first wife was not quite that much older than me, but close enough. I got a PhD in Hard Knocks out of her. But, she taught me more than one valuable life lesson. Just be careful, and have fun. Older women can be a LOT of fun......LOL Sorry about your Dad, BTW. I lost my Dad last year also.
  24. John Smith, Since this is the "Signs to know if your cousin likes you" thread, I'd say from the sound of it, that, yeah, she likes you. How deeply into the shared love it goes is your issue. If you would like, have a look at the "Sharing your feelings with your cousin" sticky thread at the top of the "Help/Advice" section. In it you will find what's become known around here as 'the old tried and true' "If you weren't my cousin,______________" line. The next time she's being forward with you, and nobody else is around, you tell her "If you weren't my cousin, I'd be your BF/ make you my GF/ be all over you like white on rice, ....." whatever fits the situation. She how she takes it. If she freaks out, you have the out of saying "I did say IF, you know? IF you weren't my cousin....." Plus, it gives her something to think about. You will have at the very least "broken the ice." If she agrees, and says something along the lines of "Yeah, I know. Sux that we're cousins doesn't it?", you have your in to take the conversation further. Suggest you two go online, and see what you can find. You already know where to look, you're here aren't you? Set down online with her, google "I love my cousin" or something to that effect, and this should be one of the top hits. You say "Humm. Cousin Couples. That sounds about right...." then come here and have a good look around together. That's why we're here. Google search WILL bring you here. (if it hasn't already, :grin:) As I type this, there are 3 Google spiders in here gleaning information for Google searches. I've seen 6 or more at a time. There are also one each of Yahoo, Exabot, and Baidu. I've seen many multiples of them at once too. So, you search it, and pretty much any search engine will have this site as a top hit. Now, go break the ice, and if it goes smoothly, get in here and get up to speed on the facts and information available here. Either way, post back with results, because we are as often as not, holding the hands of cousins where, at least initially, it didn't go so well. If I were you, I wouldn't worry much about that though, because it sounds to me like you have some pretty good potential going forward. :wink:
  25. coolamster789, No, so far as I can tell, you've violated no terms here. I don't actually think the "marry each others' cousin" thing technically violates it either, but only because we've not added it to the ToS. We just redact e-mails, and strongly advise against it. I did assume you had probably thought of it, and, I see you have. I also see you have put at least a little more thought than usual into it, by realizing you aren't sure how it would work out. Smart on your part. I do realize this seems like an acceptable act of last resort. It won't work, and I'm sure you've probably considered the "complications" more so than most. I'll give you my concerns on the matter, not so much for you, but for others who may find their way to this thread. ( I may actually move this to "Shoot the Breeze" section too) Here are my concerns: 1) Eventually, the arrangement would be found out. As I said, that will lead to exponential drama. If four people could pull it off, they would be up for the Bollywood equivalent of the Oscar Awards here in the US. Not going to happen. It WILL be found out. 2) What of children born into one of these schemes? What would their legal status be? They would have one legal parent, (obviously, their mother) and a legal father, and, their true, biological father. Confusion and drama for an innocent child. 3) How would visits from all of the respective families be handled? And you KNOW, they WILL insist on visiting. Will each cousin partner be fine with their cousin publicly showing affection to their "legal" partner, so as to deflect suspicion? Maybe initially, but I'll assure you, that will get old in a hurry, and cause the total meltdown of the arrangement eventually. Would both sets of cousins live under the same roof? They would almost have to. I can't think of any other way. If any family of any of the partners were to visit, especially unannounced, everyone had best be there, and ready for showtime. Long term, it would never work. What if one member of the arrangement was transferred or otherwise found employment elsewhere? Would the whole group move? I doubt it. When all things are considered, the only truly effective, and legitimate way for cousins in India to be together is to go elsewhere, where it is legal. You already have supportive friends here in the US. That is what we call here, a support system. Since they are supportive, they can perhaps lay some groundwork for you, if you decide to come here. For now though, don't do anything. Work your job, put back every bit of money you can spare, and wait for her to get her education complete. While you wait, start looking into possible employment, and all of the required paperwork it takes to get here. Of course, you could just go to Mexico, and walk across the border like half the rest of the world is doing at this point, but, that is WAY too dangerous for a young couple, especially a female, and sooner or later, that nonsense is going to be stopped. You need to do it legally, no matter how difficult it is to do so. I suspect part of the closing of the border will include easing of the legal immigration process. Hopefully, well educated folks like yourselves will be given preferential consideration, as was the practice before our whole immigration process became the mess it is today. Put all of this on the back burner, encourage her in her studies, and bide your time. In the meanwhile, as we rednecks say, "get your ducks in a row before you pull the trigger". When you are ready, go, and don't look back, even if you have to do it in the middle of the night. Do what you have to do. It will NOT be easy, but it won't cause anymore freaking out of family than what will happen if you try to reason with them. Don't waste your time. It is better spent preparing.
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