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Hawk

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Everything posted by Hawk

  1. nessa76, I won't say it won't work. I have a pineapple in The Room that has made a baby pineapple once, and I'm waiting on it to make another one...
  2. I had the same issue the other day Boss
  3. Tom, No, you don't ask her for sex. You're too young for it, or you wouldn't be here asking such a question. 6 years from now, go for it. For now, put this energy into getting your schooling out of the way, staying close enough that in several years, when the two of you ARE old enough to step it up, you're smart enough to do so, and be able to deal with the consequences. What are you going to do, if now, at your ages, she says yes? Well, I know what you'd do, but, what would you do if she said yes, and then got pregnant? Humm? That IS how that whole thing happens you know. Folks older than you slip on their birth control, and they have a better grasp of what they're doing than you do. It doesn't really matter what family would think if you two are 20/21 and engage in the shenanigans, but I'll assure you, that even if they would be fine with it then, they'll have a major high speed come-apart if they find out there's neeked tom-foolery going on now. (And they WILL find out, believe me. Folks twice your age can't hide it for long.) They would go to extraordinary lengths to keep the two of you apart. How do you think that would affect the special relationship you two have? Negatively, I'll guarantee you. Put this all on the back burner for the time being, BOTH of you, get your noses in the books. Get smart. Stay close, just don't let things get out of hand. As you get older, since there IS already SOME physical interaction between the two of you, (and, reality being what it is) you could SLOWLY step up the physical. You would be well advised to wait until you are 18 before you take it all the way. As I said, I prefer 20ish, and personally, I recommend 22ish. Me and mine were 20, and STILL not old enough to realize the impact of our actions. Now in our 50's, we do, but it's much to late to go back. Sex is wonderful. But, it DOES change the dynamics of a relationship. Not always for the better. You have sex now, and she'll get weird on you. Well, to YOU her behavior afterwards will seem weird. To her, it's just behavior "after" she's given herself to someone. Don't even try to figure out why it changes. I could easily be your grandpa, and I ain't figured it out. You head will explode trying to figure women out. You're too young to be trying, trust me. 100 years ago, it wouldn't have been any big deal for the two of you to get married even at your ages. But, 100 years ago, you wouldn't have been expected to live a whole lot longer than MAYBE three times the age you are now. Attitudes and maturity levels have changed a whole lot in that time, as evidenced by your being here, and asking what you are. It's kinda like riding a Harley, and people saying "What is it with this Harley thing" and me saying "If you have to ask, you wouldn't understand." Same thing really. If you have to ask, you ain't there yet......
  4. Moon Potato, While my situation isn't EXACTLY like yours, I do know about being estranged from the cousin. Me and mine had what we call our little "moment" a little over 3 decades ago. I know about weird. We let it get weird. (read awkward) We walked away from the whole affair, and it was awkward, for 30 years. We were all but totally out of contact with each other for that time. We saw each other on very rare occasions at a family function of some sort, and she was at one of our class reunions, I forget which one exactly, probably our 20th. We would speak, but never of us. It happened, we didn't regret it, we just didn't go for it. It wasn't that it was so weird for us, but in her mind, it was so weird to the world, that she didn't want to deal with the possible drama. And, I didn't push her. We just walked away from it. Family wouldn't have been an issue. We were born a week to the day apart. We'd met. They knew how close we were. About 5 years ago or so, we got back in touch. Not close contact, but, in touch. About 3 years ago, we spent a good amount of time together. One night, we had a nice little set down, and aired it all out. Along about that time, she started traveling for work. When she's home, her kids and grandkids keep her plate overflowing until it's time for her to go out again. She was home here a while back for 3 weeks to a month or so, and we never got the chance to speak. She detests the phone, and even texting, so, I really wasn't surprised. She usually stops in the night before she goes back on the road, but this time, I didn't hear from her. So, she'll get in touch when she wants to, or has time. She's got my number and FB. Being incommunicado was SOP for so long, it isn't really all that out of the ordinary. There's no real need for your situation to end in disaster. The ball is in her court. She knows how you feel. Give it time. You may have to give it a LOT of time. She very well may feel the same way as you, but has bought into all the pablum that is the stereotype and taboo nature of it. I would not go out of my way to avoid her, but I wouldn't go out of my way trying to contact her either. If there is a family function, go, be cordial to her, be civil to her, and DON'T wear this on your sleeve. Don't bring it up again. Let her digest it for a while. She may never change her mind, but, there's probably nothing you can do that will cause her to change it. There's plenty you can do to screw up any chance of her ever changing her mind, and make matters worse. Just act naturally, and don't push. She'll miss you. She probably already does, she just can't figure out how to wrap her head around the whole thing. If you weren't family, she'd friendzone you, but, that's a little difficult to do to family, now isn't it? In the mean while, get out of the house. Get out and about, and don't dwell on it. You may think she is the best woman in the world for you, but you may just be wrong. I'm seeing a wonderful woman right now. I knew there were such good natured, even tempered women out there, I just didn't see any of them like that giving ME the time of day. Well, guess what? One did. Cuz is one, but, we'll never be together. Much too much water under the bridge now, at the age we are. There are things Cuz and I would have had issues over. Deal-breakers? Probably not, but issues none the less. With this gal, nah. There are a couple things here and there that have cropped up, but it has never lead to raised voices. I'm still in the process of getting use to a calm discussion of an issue as opposed to a screaming tantrum of BS. But, I'm getting use to it. Get out and get in the mix. You can find someone with the same traits that attract you to your cuz, if you're looking, and not hung up on Cuz. Just put it on the back burner for the time being, see the sights, and then be patient enough to see if Cuz does come around some day. While mine never will, yours might. If she sees that there aren't many guys like you around, she may reconsider. If she does, (and maybe even if she doesn't, and is just curious about the topic) what is she likely to do? GOOGLE, LOL. Guess what happens when she does? Near the top, if not the top, is THIS place. Right now there are two Google spiders gleaning information from this site, which adds to it's ranking. The knowledge and information is here. She wouldn't be the first one to stumble in here after a cousin has admitted an attraction, and, having reservations, and thinking "It's Weird", looked into it, if nothing else, out of curiosity. Fear and "weird" are based on a lack of knowledge. Knowledge and the truth will set you free. Maybe she'll find the truth, and maybe not. Just don't you hold your breath waiting on her to, or till she does.....
  5. Personwithoutanaccount, You need to be "young cat with an account" and join. I REALLY have to dust off my "broken record speech" to young members and lurkers, and get it back out there in the ether for y'all. At the age you are, there is no reason the two of you cannot begin some basic groundwork for a future together, provided you're both on the same page. To figure that out, you may as well try out the old tried and true "If you weren't my cousin" schtick. BUT. I'm going to tell you right now, at your age, you are NOT going to be able to hide it. Since your family unit seems to not have been influenced negatively toward such a relationship from a skewered religious perspective, it doesn't mean they haven't been negatively influenced from a skewered "scientific/genetic" perspective. Atheists can be every bit, if not more, dogmatic in their closed-mindedness as the most pious "religious" person. As young as the two of you are, you are in no position to start such a p*ssing match. I'll give you the "Reader's Digest" version of the broken record speech, and try to keep it age appropriate for you two. Here goes. FIRST, focus on school. It's probably summer break right now, but, you focus on the books, and encourage her to do the same. Next, you may as well wade off at least as deep as the old "if you weren't my cousin" thing. If she reacts less than totally positive to it, you have the out of saying "I did say 'IF' you know? IF you weren't my cousin". Feel this out, and see how close you two are to the same page on it. If perchance you both feel the same, I'm going to encourage you to take it VERY slowly. I'm not going to say NO physical interaction, because I know, at your age, realistically, there will probably be some physical manifestation of your mutual affection. However, it behooves you to NOT go beyond what we consider, and you KNOW is age appropriate behavior. I assume I need not tell you that you are in no position to have her turn up in, shall we say, "a motherly way" at 15 yrs old. Ten years from now, who cares, but between now and then, you'd best be prepared for the contingencies. That means keeping your noses in the books, and getting smart. Keeping any neeked shenanigans on the back burner. Stay close, and build the friendship, to where you know each other fully, and intimately, between the ears, before you know each other intimately between the sheets. How close are these older siblings, and just how much older than the two of you are they? Do you suppose they have some sort of "history"? Are you able to confide in your sister to the point she may be willing to help you, and confide in you, if she has, or had, similar feelings toward Cuz's bro? This site is an excellent source of facts, but there is still nothing like hearing it from the "horse's mouth" of someone who's been there. I think you have some potential here, provided you don't push too hard, and move too fast. Keep that in mind in your considerations going forward....
  6. Roma, I got mine back up by going to my forum profile, in the "Personalized Picture" section, choosing "Upload an avatar", then clicking "Browse". It will either take you to "Pictures" on your computer, or "My Computer", where you will click through until you find "Pictures". Click the picture of your choice, then hit "Open" and it should load it to here.
  7. sassy , If he is your grandpa's brother's grandson, he is your second cousin. So far as we know, second cousins are legal to marry everywhere. WAY out in front of where you two are at this point, but, good information to have under your hat if things ever do progress further. There is no reason for you to think that you are "closer than you should be" either, unless there is something physical going on in which there is reluctance on one or the other's part. Since you don't mention any such thing, I'm going to call this (so far) platonic relationship perfectly healthy for a pair of young adults such as yourselves. So as we don't hijack this thread, perhaps you would like to join, and start a thread of your own, with a little more information. Like, are you still in school? (You should be, IMHO) Is he, or is he out on his own, and working? Things like that. Where the two of you are in life will determine the direction and speed with which we would advise you to proceed..... and even tips on HOW to proceed. Have you tried the ole "tried and true" "If you weren't my cousin, _________________" line on him to try to gauge his feelings by his reaction?
  8. Hawk

    Something

    JackQ, Don't be quite so quick with the pity for him, and others with disabilities. Most people with them find a way to cope just fine. You may be underestimating the human spirit too much. Many do find love, and have families even. Many times the children are NOT affected by the same disability as the parent(s) either. At least here in the U.S., the ADA has greatly improved access to not only buildings, but, by extension, society at large. Those with disabilities now have more opportunities than ever to succeed and live full, prosperous lives......
  9. Closetomydream, Unlike quarter25, I AM quite the fan of beer. I am kinda picky about my beer though. I want to taste it. But, I don't want it too odd either. My beer of choice is Sam Adams Boston Lager. Before that, the one that got me off Busch in tight times and Michelob in good times, was one called Pete's Wicked Ale. I've not seen it in quite some time, and I don't think they make it any more. I was having one one evening, and a couple friends said "If you like that, you'll like Sam Adams". I had one, and was hooked. In this area, there are several vineyards/wineries. They do fests every so often, one of the bigger ones in the fall, called "ColorFest", when the leaves have changed. Over the last couple years, several breweries have opened up. There is now a "beer trail" like the wine trail. I've not been, but probably will at some point. I would probably only sample one at each place, because we would most likely be on the Harley. There was a time I wouldn't have worried so much about it, but, as I've gotten older, (and hopefully a little wiser) I don't like to drink too much on the bike. Anywhere here in town is within what I call "crawling distance", so, I'll get a little more carried away here. I just don't want to be half schnockered 40 miles from home, and try to ride with one hand over an eye back to town. There is a local watering hole the next town south of here, and the owner has contracted with Schlafly out of St. Louis, (http://schlafly.com/) to make a "house" beer, a brown ale, on tap. (They make an excellent pale ale they are most famous for.) When there, I have the brown ale. I occasionally like a good oatmeal stout. I'm not a big fan of Guinness, I'll have a Killian's Red on occasion. Most of the IPAs I've tried are a little too hoppy for me. Within about 3 miles, there use to be a microbrewery, and I nearly cried when it closed. They had excellent food, and probably about 10 different beers, any of which I could drink, but usually got their oatmeal stout or (Illinois) Lincoln Lager. The oatmeal stout was as good as any I've ever had. I'd say if I ever do one of the fests as an event, I'll cage it, just to feel a little safer. The vineyards are where it's harder to moderate though, I've found. I'm not a huge fan of wine, but I've found a select few I like, and it's hard to stop at sharing one bottle with good food and good company.
  10. seema, He would then be your second cousin. We have a hard time nailing down the differences in the laws in the 50 United States. We here are generally clueless on the various Marriage Acts in India. However, If I have read it correctly, second cousins can LEGALLY marry. DO NOT quote me on this, you would have to read the Hindu Marriage Act. In it, first cousins in the North may not marry, but as is somewhat customary in the South, cross cousins can. Remember, this is first cousins, and your interest is your second cousin. That is why I think it is probably technically legal. However, as many find out, family may still have a major meltdown over it. If it were me, and it is legal, and it was what I wanted, I would get married, and let them have their meltdown........
  11. Love me some Yorkshire pudding... I made it once with the drippings of a prime rib. Yummy.
  12. august, Welcome back, it has been a while..... Details girl. Details. Where did you go get married? I'm fairly sure the Philippines still doesn't recognize it, so, has that been a problem? Has the family come around any, or is there still drama?
  13. Hawk

    Eagle Cam

    All, I don't know if any of you have ever seen any of the several "eagle cams" out there, but here is a favorite of The Good Widow, and her students. When she isn't using the smart board in her room, she streams this for her students to watch. This pair of eagles have been nesting on Berry College in Georgia since 2012. They've returned since then each year. This season, the female laid two eggs, on Jan 6th and 9th respectively. They hatched over the weekend. She was hoping they would hold off and not hatch until after this 3 day weekend, but, they did hatch on schedule. The feed is live, but you can scroll back to see when both adults are in the nest occasionally, and when the young are visible from time to time. Enjoy viewing "family time" with the symbol of our Nation.... http://berry.edu/eaglecam/
  14. Brandon, Probably that she likes you. Now, whether that rises to the level of her wanting to date you too, remains to be seen. She may have feelings for you too, OR, she may have been practicing her "flirting" skills on you, who would be considered a "safe" person for her to do so with. How old are the two of you anyhow? Why don't you join, and start your own thread either in shoot the breeze or advice?
  15. Jaxter, If I were guessing, I would say she's busting your chops a little, and is probably extremely flattered..... At 18, you're of age, so, call her on the flirting if you want. But, be advised, she's WAY out in front of you in maturity. You may think you're mature, and even BE mature for your age, but I'll assure you, she can chew you up and spit you out in real short order. I'm in no way implying she would do so, only that she's able. Voice of experience here. I ran after the older women hard for a long time. My first wife was not quite that much older than me, but close enough. I got a PhD in Hard Knocks out of her. But, she taught me more than one valuable life lesson. Just be careful, and have fun. Older women can be a LOT of fun......LOL Sorry about your Dad, BTW. I lost my Dad last year also.
  16. John Smith, Since this is the "Signs to know if your cousin likes you" thread, I'd say from the sound of it, that, yeah, she likes you. How deeply into the shared love it goes is your issue. If you would like, have a look at the "Sharing your feelings with your cousin" sticky thread at the top of the "Help/Advice" section. In it you will find what's become known around here as 'the old tried and true' "If you weren't my cousin,______________" line. The next time she's being forward with you, and nobody else is around, you tell her "If you weren't my cousin, I'd be your BF/ make you my GF/ be all over you like white on rice, ....." whatever fits the situation. She how she takes it. If she freaks out, you have the out of saying "I did say IF, you know? IF you weren't my cousin....." Plus, it gives her something to think about. You will have at the very least "broken the ice." If she agrees, and says something along the lines of "Yeah, I know. Sux that we're cousins doesn't it?", you have your in to take the conversation further. Suggest you two go online, and see what you can find. You already know where to look, you're here aren't you? Set down online with her, google "I love my cousin" or something to that effect, and this should be one of the top hits. You say "Humm. Cousin Couples. That sounds about right...." then come here and have a good look around together. That's why we're here. Google search WILL bring you here. (if it hasn't already, :grin:) As I type this, there are 3 Google spiders in here gleaning information for Google searches. I've seen 6 or more at a time. There are also one each of Yahoo, Exabot, and Baidu. I've seen many multiples of them at once too. So, you search it, and pretty much any search engine will have this site as a top hit. Now, go break the ice, and if it goes smoothly, get in here and get up to speed on the facts and information available here. Either way, post back with results, because we are as often as not, holding the hands of cousins where, at least initially, it didn't go so well. If I were you, I wouldn't worry much about that though, because it sounds to me like you have some pretty good potential going forward. :wink:
  17. coolamster789, No, so far as I can tell, you've violated no terms here. I don't actually think the "marry each others' cousin" thing technically violates it either, but only because we've not added it to the ToS. We just redact e-mails, and strongly advise against it. I did assume you had probably thought of it, and, I see you have. I also see you have put at least a little more thought than usual into it, by realizing you aren't sure how it would work out. Smart on your part. I do realize this seems like an acceptable act of last resort. It won't work, and I'm sure you've probably considered the "complications" more so than most. I'll give you my concerns on the matter, not so much for you, but for others who may find their way to this thread. ( I may actually move this to "Shoot the Breeze" section too) Here are my concerns: 1) Eventually, the arrangement would be found out. As I said, that will lead to exponential drama. If four people could pull it off, they would be up for the Bollywood equivalent of the Oscar Awards here in the US. Not going to happen. It WILL be found out. 2) What of children born into one of these schemes? What would their legal status be? They would have one legal parent, (obviously, their mother) and a legal father, and, their true, biological father. Confusion and drama for an innocent child. 3) How would visits from all of the respective families be handled? And you KNOW, they WILL insist on visiting. Will each cousin partner be fine with their cousin publicly showing affection to their "legal" partner, so as to deflect suspicion? Maybe initially, but I'll assure you, that will get old in a hurry, and cause the total meltdown of the arrangement eventually. Would both sets of cousins live under the same roof? They would almost have to. I can't think of any other way. If any family of any of the partners were to visit, especially unannounced, everyone had best be there, and ready for showtime. Long term, it would never work. What if one member of the arrangement was transferred or otherwise found employment elsewhere? Would the whole group move? I doubt it. When all things are considered, the only truly effective, and legitimate way for cousins in India to be together is to go elsewhere, where it is legal. You already have supportive friends here in the US. That is what we call here, a support system. Since they are supportive, they can perhaps lay some groundwork for you, if you decide to come here. For now though, don't do anything. Work your job, put back every bit of money you can spare, and wait for her to get her education complete. While you wait, start looking into possible employment, and all of the required paperwork it takes to get here. Of course, you could just go to Mexico, and walk across the border like half the rest of the world is doing at this point, but, that is WAY too dangerous for a young couple, especially a female, and sooner or later, that nonsense is going to be stopped. You need to do it legally, no matter how difficult it is to do so. I suspect part of the closing of the border will include easing of the legal immigration process. Hopefully, well educated folks like yourselves will be given preferential consideration, as was the practice before our whole immigration process became the mess it is today. Put all of this on the back burner, encourage her in her studies, and bide your time. In the meanwhile, as we rednecks say, "get your ducks in a row before you pull the trigger". When you are ready, go, and don't look back, even if you have to do it in the middle of the night. Do what you have to do. It will NOT be easy, but it won't cause anymore freaking out of family than what will happen if you try to reason with them. Don't waste your time. It is better spent preparing.
  18. coolamster789, Yes, there are many cousin couples from India that find their way here. I feel bad for you all, with all the nonsense you must endure, because of outdated traditions. Traditions, which, from my limited knowledge of the Hindu religion, are basically unfounded. I've not found credible evidence posted here from Hindu texts that absolutely prohibits the practice. Again, my knowledge is extremely limited in this regard. There have been posts which interpret that a / the Hindu deity had married his cousin. You would have to search through and read the several threads from our Indian members to find it. A while back, we mods and admins tried to figure out a way to set up an area for members from India. We all got busy, and never really came up with a good way to do it. At least for the time being, I would suggest you or other members from India do as our members from the Philippines have done. They have a "Cousin Couples from the Philippines unite here" thread. They are able to communicate in Tagalog. I don't speak or read it, but I can somewhat slightly follow it, as it also has an element of broken English in it. Therein lies a problem we staff have yet to figure out if there were to be a similar thread for our friends from India. As I understand it, there are several major languages spoken in India. We wouldn't begin to be able to understand any of them, more less moderate such a thread. And it WILL need some serious moderation. I'll quote you, and highlight where the real problem will come in. I don't mean to imply it is what you have in mind, so I will explain afterwards. I quote you: " all of us can meet personally.we'll talk, discuss many problems, help each other.so all of you out there plz reply." In the several existing threads from our members from India, "so we can help each other" has come to mean schemes to marry each others' cousin, then actually living with their own respective cousins. Folks have posted e-mail addresses, and, as best we can, we edit them out. For a couple reasons. First in my book is, they are opening themselves up to spam and blackmail. I became a mod to rid this site of a horrible rash of spammers and spambots. I've made a huge dent in them, but there are certain persistent ones I'm having a horrible time ridding us of. I'll eventually get them, but I'm not there yet. As I type, there are 3 instances of one from Paris, and two instances of one from China gleaning information on the site right now. If they pick up your e-mail, there is the possibility of all manner of crap getting sent to you, to the point of rendering it useless. Do you really have any use for kitchen cabinets from some company in the UK? We get those guys ALL the time. Secondly, should your situation become known to a family member or "friend", they could come here looking for information, (or to troll us, as has happened) and recognize either your user name or e-mail, and blackmail you into an unsavory situation full of added drama you do not need. Plus, we do not, and will not endorse such schemes. We realize they come out of extreme desperation, and seem to be a suitable measure of last resort. It is not. It is not well thought out. It would eventually be discovered, and instead of two of you dealing with two sets of pissed off parents, there would be four of you dealing with four sets of pissed off parents. Not just added drama, exponential drama. I'm in no way suggesting that is the meaning you have implied here, as you have not given any such indication, or posted your e-mail. I'm only letting you know our concerns of such threads deteriorating into such shenanigans. We've already seen it. We fell bad about having to edit our members posts, but we only do it in the best interest of our members. If members insist, they can PM each other, but we won't allow it publicly, and with our blessings. My suggestion, and increasingly, the suggestion of other mods and admins, is for cousin couples from India to do whatever it takes to migrate to somewhere it IS legal, and integrate into the new society. Very quietly procure passports/visas. Search out employment. Leave, and don't look back. Do not be cajoled into returning. Make a clean break. There may be the odd exception, but as a rule, you will NEVER change your family's mind. You waste valuable time, and risk violence in some instances, in trying. With the very admirable tradition of supporting parents as they get older, leaving is almost as unfavorable an option as staying, and risking all manner of wailing and gnashing of teeth out of them, or even a beating or worse. They will threaten to kill themselves. They will not. They will not die of grief, as they will say they will. They will get angry, and disown you. Then where will you be? You may as well be elsewhere, making a new life, and new traditions, so following generations will not endure what you are.
  19. Godly_Girl3414, I think you are WAY over-thinking this. Much of your family is privy to your feelings, and, so far, have not reacted anywhere near as badly as we hear all too often on this site. Let's deal with the issues individually. First, you two are both of age, and unattached. Check. Next, as mentioned, family has a pretty good clue that an eventual relationship is more than an outside possibility. If your Dad was going to be vehemently opposed, he would certainly not have mentioned your "crush", more less immediately made sport of it. If your Mom were vehemently opposed, she would not have said "Let me check into it". BTW, you may as well help her check into it by sending her here: http://www.cousincouples.com/?page=religion . May as well show that to your preacher too. Next, while on the subject, that is for FIRST cousins, second cousins are certainly allowed if first cousins are. Plus, second cousins are legal to marry everywhere around the world that we are aware of. Even though this isn't an issue, and you didn't mention it, (and I won't either) I did have a little peek at which State you are in. I don't need more specific information than that. If my look-up is correct, you are in a State where first cousins cannot marry, but again, second cousins are legal in all 50 States, yours included. Don't let anyone tell you it isn't legal. It is. Since this is in the "Sharing your feelings" thread, let's delve into that a bit shall we? You two have already passed what I consider step one, which is the whole "If you weren't my cousin" type conversation. He has admitted the feeling is mutual, and nerves are the only thing that have prevented any action on these feelings, at least on your part. Probably his part too, but I'll take the liberty of getting in his head and giving the possibly slightly different reasons for reluctance on his part. For one, there is the age difference. Though not huge, and certainly not unheard of, (my first wife was just short of 8 years older than me) he could be nervous about being seen as "taking advantage" of your being younger, and your single mother status. Which brings me to another possible issue. He sounds like he is looking for a partner, but might just be at least a little comfortable as a bachelor. 7 or 8 years? Yeah, he may be looking, but it doesn't sound like he's gotten real carried away with it. He also may have for the most part ruled out dating single mothers, but, IMHO, is willing to make an exception in your case. You say he's been alone all this time, but, does he have any kids of his own from earlier in his life? Does he seem to be the type that would be a good provider, and nurturing "father" figure to your child? If I were you, I'd consider that part of the equation above what family would think. I think it's beyond time for the two of you to set down and have what we around here call "The Talk". You can start out by revisiting the "If we weren't cousins..." thing, and take it from there. Let him know that you have looked into it, and it isn't anywhere near as unheard of or "taboo" as you all and others have been led to believe. Let him know that the facts are out there, and available here. Let him know that you are concerned what others would think, but, in the end, we all get our own life to live, and happiness to make. They'll get over it, trust me. Ask him what type of relationship he would like with you, if what others think of it were not part of the equation. Because, in reality, it shouldn't be. Tell him you would like to spend more time with him, if he says he's so inclined. As the conversation progresses, you really should find out how he would feel about stepping into a ready-made family. (No pun intended, LOL) All kidding aside, I really think that part of it is your bigger issue at this point. I think there is some pretty good potential for you two, if he's willing to step into it. But, as we also remind folks in your situation, looking for advice, you can't "break up/divorce" family. If you're going to do this, you need to be all in, and for the long haul. If it were me, I would recommend slowly moving forward for you two. Take it as you would any other relationship. I would slowly, over time, spend more time together. Should that go well, slowly make some "appearances". Start out on the down low, and take it one step at a time. If you two are happy together, it will show. If it shows to you two, it will show to others. When it does, the drama level will go down accordingly. I'll assure you, your Mom and Dad want to see you happy, even if they do have their reservations. I'll also assure you, his Mom at least, wants the same for him. Cross your bridges, and get out in front of the drama with facts, as it comes. He's 30. He's a big boy. He's fully well of an age to tell folks to get over themselves. You're 23, and fully well of an age to stand with him, and back him up. If he's reluctant, bring him here, show him this thread, and my advice. My advice to him is, he may not realize it, but life is marching on. At thirty, I didn't so much realize it, but, at 52 I do. He's been on his own for a while, and if you make him happy, he really should take the opportunity before him to be happy.
  20. Hi Arai, long time no see. You'll have to count me out. While it looks like my kind of weather, with my knees in the condition they are, I do good to climb an 8 ft step ladder now. I think the mountain is beyond my ability. Have fun, and remember to acclimate yourself for a few days before you start up, to lessen the chance of altitude sickness.....
  21. Me and mine are not together, and never will be. But, usually we do say it at the end of our conversations. It is as much a "family" thing as anything now, but we do truly mean it.....
  22. I didn't get into this thread before, but, since it's been "Lazarus'd", I'll play. I do think there's something to GSA. What, or exactly how it plays out, I'm not sure. Me and mine, being 2nd cousins, SHOULD, by all of our genetic study facts, be far enough blood that it wouldn't come into play. And, as kids, it didn't. Now, I DID have a crush on her older sister, but I think that was as much a function of how cute she was (still is, BTW) and how cool she was, (again, still is) as any sort of GSA. Me and Cuz have always been close, I think, because of the fact that we were born one week to the day apart. When our mothers explained that to us when we were 8 or 9 years old, we instantly became "best cousins" and have been that way ever since. Our lives up to that point couldn't have been more different. They had traveled the world. I'd not been very far out of Southern Illinois. I went to Chicago when I was about 3, and it seemed like a whole different world. (It IS, but, I digress. You all are getting a taste of it with this President, I doubt I need say more. That is why I always say SOUTHERN Illinois, LOL) I had no desire to ever go back, and other than briefly once about 5 years ago, I haven't. They had pictures of them at the Pyramids, living in what would be considered palaces, summer vacays in Paris, at the Eiffel Tower, seeing the sights big time. I spent my summers being Huck Finn at the creek, about two blocks from the house. But, once we met, those differences didn't matter. We knew our Moms were close, and when we found out that we'd been in their bellies at the same time, we had a connection. We'll be 52 next month, and just a couple years ago, our Moms told us we were actually born on each others' due date. SHE should have been born a week before me. Even at 50, I stuck my tongue out at her. :tongue: :evil: Even as far out as second cousins though, I know at least with us, there's SOMETHING bigger going on. We've always finished each others sentences. We've always somehow just known what the other was thinking. Our Moms saw it, commented on it, then told us about how close in age we were. It was like a light bulb clicked. Like "Ah, OK, that must be why I like you so much." Even as kids, when there was no hint of the "S" part of the GSA, there was "GA" of some sort going on. Even after our "moment" at 20, and almost 30 years of awkward estrangement that followed, once we reconnected, it was like when we were young again. We STILL finished each others sentences, and looked at each other and rolled our eyes at the same time when someone (usually family, at a family function) had some sort of brain fart. We like a lot of the same music. We like a lot of the same food. We LOVE our coffee, and pretty much, fixed the same way. Just a huge list of things in common that are a little much for pure coincidence. So much so that any sort of Westermark effect was negated. For several years when we were tweens to early teens, we were almost like siblings. They lived right across the street, and we all played together every evening after school, and all summer long. We'd met. So, yeah. I think there's something to it, but just what, I can't put my finger on. And, I'm sure it plays out differently with different people and situations.....
  23. Patrick, For now, nothing. At least nothing more than you two already are doing. It's kinda unusual for a family to allow two opposite gender cousins to sleep together at your ages. One of two things is going on with that. Either they implicitly trust the two of you, or there is subtle (or NOT so subtle) "matchmaking" going on. Either way, it behooves the two of you to NOT take advantage of the situation. I know the hormones are surely raging, but do control yourselves as you have to this point. Should someone fail to knock before entering, and the two of you be discovered in a more "uncompromising" position, I would be willing to bet these sleeping arrangements would change immediately, and permanently. At least until the two of you are old enough and out on your own, and able to decide your own sleeping arrangements. There would most likely be some level of what I've toned down to call a poostorm. (I can, and have skirted the cuss filter, but since we admins and mods have recently scolded others for doing it, I won't, as much as I'd like to in this instance. :evil:) Anywho, for the time being, keep things only slightly more than platonic. I would say totally platonic, but, you two are old enough to engage in the behavior you are, provided you don't take it further. Plus, it will retain their trust, reinforce their matchmaking, if that is an element in this, and most importantly, deepen your relationship to where it will be unflappable when you two are older, and for the rest of your lives. If you move too quickly, you risk all of that, for momentary pleasure. If things progress too fast physically, and one of you gets nervous, you risk many years of awkward moments, even if you remain "favorite cousins." Trust me when I tell you, don't move too fast. Which brings me to what all the regulars around here know as my "broken record speech". You two are at the perfect age for it. Do send her the link to this thread. I want BOTH of you to hear it. Here goes. #1) STAY IN SCHOOL. Focus on your studies. Get or keep your grades up. I'm amazed at the growing number of idiots in this world. Don't be them. I'll assure you, if you two are going to go for it when you are older, you'd better be smart. You're going to need to be well educated, and it will need to be obvious when you converse with others. You don't want to fit the old stereotypes of "kissing cousins". Get smart. Get either a degree or certs of some sort. There are trades and professions that don't take the huge investments many degrees require, and pay as well as those professions. Decide now where you want to go with your lives, and start heading that way. #2) Keep this on the down low. (Re-read my first paragraph) Build the friendship. Get to know each other between the ears, deeply, before you get carried away with all the other various body parts. There is all the time in the world for neeked shenanigans later, when you are of age and in a position to do so. Until then, keep this casual. It is nearly impossible for people twice your age to hide a physical relationship, so the chances of you doing it are virtually nil. They see you as best friends, and that's what the appearance and reality needs to be for the time being. #3) Once you have built upon the foundation I've laid out for you, and you are AT LEAST 18, (I recommend at least 20, and prefer 22ish) and are still both on the same page with a relationship, THEN, you ramp it up. You will need to be independent. If the two of you end up together, from what you've said, I seriously doubt it would come as some big earth-shaking news to everyone, but I still doubt your folks OR hers are going to be wanting to pay the bills with the two of you under their roof. And, since were at that point, legally, you won't be wanting to be cohabiting in Texas. Not legal for first cousins. Are there "work-arounds"? Yeah. Do you want the drama of having to jump through the hoops? I wouldn't, so I wouldn't recommend it for you either. IMHO, you should look for digs somewhere between Texas and Cali, where it IS legal. Colorado and New Mexico come to mind. Texas is hard to beat for job opportunities, but I bet NM and CO aren't bad either. #4) Provided you are both still on the same page with a relationship at this point, when you have your ducks in a row, go for it, and don't let ANYONE stop you. I usually recommend, at least initially, getting a two bedroom place, to keep up appearances. But, in your case, separate sleeping quarters would probably raise more eyebrows. Don't rule it out though, if you can afford it. Your own space is nice, and the actual sleeping arrangements are up to the two of you at that point... Remember, #3 & #4 are out in front of where you are at this point, but you asked, so you may as well have the food for thought as you consider your future.
  24. Chuck D, I'm with you on the blues/blues rock/Southern rock, but not near as much on the country. I guess Dad burnt me out on it as a kid. I do like some Hank Jr, and some of the more "outlaw" country guys. The Good Widow likes country, but most of the "pop" country today has the same effect on me that Fogerty has on you, LOL. I listen to what I consider new bands, even though most of them are from the 90's. Alice in Chains, Soundgarden/Audioslave, and older Queensrych for the Seattle sound. Tesla for the "70's, blue jean throwback" factor. Some Youtube vids of the power ballads from the hair bands from the late 80's/90's, for visual comic relief and ear candy. I've also been watching vids of one of the best Fender benders of all time, Robin Trower. Since it's raining here today, I'll probably have to find one of Long Misty Days, and I'm sure I'll watch Plant & Page doing "The Rain Song" from the No Quarter DVD set. Just Awesome.
  25. deliaxx, Second cousins are way too close in her mind, because she's bought into all the old wives tales of cousins having kids with two heads or 12 fingers and toes. Nonsense. There is all kinds of information on the main page about the genetics of cousin couples, and the fact that second cousins share (IIRC) only about 1% or so more DNA than the average stranger. Don't quote me on that, it's been a while since I looked at it, and several of the others here are much better read on it than I. I do recall there is no documented proof of genetic problems directly related (no pun intended) to second cousins having children. The issues that are documented between first cousins' offspring are WAY over blown as well. The increased risk is between FIRST cousins, not second, and the rate of increased risk is no more than other risk factors that are generally deemed acceptable. I doubt your mother would tell a ~38 yr old woman she should not have children, because there is a ~3% or so increased chance of the child having problems, now would she? Well, that's the same increase in risk as FIRST cousins. It drops completely off the radar in the case of SECOND cousins. The issues are for rare conditions also. Any issues that would come into play in your case are the same as non-related couples. For instance, I have A-fib. My Mom has it. My Grandpa had it. My cousin's Grandpa may or may not have, but we have no proof he did. We have no proof that their youngest brother had it. However, his son, my and Cuz's mothers' other first cousin, has it. So, there is a tendency in the family toward A-fib. Should her and I have got together back in the day, and decided to have children, there would have most likely been a better than average chance that they would have had A-fib. BUT, by the same token, since there is no proof her Grandfather had it, we know neither her or her Mom have it, there is just as likely a chance that mine would have been the recessive gene, NOT the dominate, and we would have had children that do not have it. Same for a family history of diabetes, breast cancer, liver problems, bad eyes, ingrown toenails, you name it. All conditions that are an issue for any couple to consider before having children, be they cousins or not. If she is as open minded as you say, then perhaps she can be enlightened to the actual risks (or lack of them) and eventually change her thinking on the matter. If her objections are more from a moral standpoint, there is information here as well, showing that the Bible has no issue with FIRST cousins being together, and such arrangements were actually COMMANDED by God in more than one instance. Second cousins are perfectly fine in the eyes of the Lord too, so THAT isn't a valid objection. An open minded woman would also recognize when she is believing misguided "facts" based on an unfounded stigma. I don't know that I would bring it back up any time soon however. Let it drop for now, keep in touch with Cuz, build the friendship, test the waters to see if he feels the same, and if so, keep it under your hats for the time being. I know it doesn't seem like it, but you really do have all the time in the world ahead of you. If it does come up, by her watching the two of you interact, you may as well go to her privately, ask to speak to her in confidence, and then set her down, and bring her here. Tell her you know how she feels, but you would like for her to at least hear you out, and look at the facts before being so hasty to judge. Let her know you are in no hurry, but that you really feel a connection to Cuz. Be honest. Let her know that you want to show her the facts, and that other people's opinion of it don't matter to you, but you would like to eventually have her blessing, if possible, when and if anything were to ever come of it. I know a lot of this is way out in front of where you are right now, but if there is a mutual attraction, there ARE better than average odds that sooner or later, it will play out. If it does, you may as well have the groundwork in place to minimize the drama.
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