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Hawk

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Everything posted by Hawk

  1. coolamster789, Yes, there are many cousin couples from India that find their way here. I feel bad for you all, with all the nonsense you must endure, because of outdated traditions. Traditions, which, from my limited knowledge of the Hindu religion, are basically unfounded. I've not found credible evidence posted here from Hindu texts that absolutely prohibits the practice. Again, my knowledge is extremely limited in this regard. There have been posts which interpret that a / the Hindu deity had married his cousin. You would have to search through and read the several threads from our Indian members to find it. A while back, we mods and admins tried to figure out a way to set up an area for members from India. We all got busy, and never really came up with a good way to do it. At least for the time being, I would suggest you or other members from India do as our members from the Philippines have done. They have a "Cousin Couples from the Philippines unite here" thread. They are able to communicate in Tagalog. I don't speak or read it, but I can somewhat slightly follow it, as it also has an element of broken English in it. Therein lies a problem we staff have yet to figure out if there were to be a similar thread for our friends from India. As I understand it, there are several major languages spoken in India. We wouldn't begin to be able to understand any of them, more less moderate such a thread. And it WILL need some serious moderation. I'll quote you, and highlight where the real problem will come in. I don't mean to imply it is what you have in mind, so I will explain afterwards. I quote you: " all of us can meet personally.we'll talk, discuss many problems, help each other.so all of you out there plz reply." In the several existing threads from our members from India, "so we can help each other" has come to mean schemes to marry each others' cousin, then actually living with their own respective cousins. Folks have posted e-mail addresses, and, as best we can, we edit them out. For a couple reasons. First in my book is, they are opening themselves up to spam and blackmail. I became a mod to rid this site of a horrible rash of spammers and spambots. I've made a huge dent in them, but there are certain persistent ones I'm having a horrible time ridding us of. I'll eventually get them, but I'm not there yet. As I type, there are 3 instances of one from Paris, and two instances of one from China gleaning information on the site right now. If they pick up your e-mail, there is the possibility of all manner of crap getting sent to you, to the point of rendering it useless. Do you really have any use for kitchen cabinets from some company in the UK? We get those guys ALL the time. Secondly, should your situation become known to a family member or "friend", they could come here looking for information, (or to troll us, as has happened) and recognize either your user name or e-mail, and blackmail you into an unsavory situation full of added drama you do not need. Plus, we do not, and will not endorse such schemes. We realize they come out of extreme desperation, and seem to be a suitable measure of last resort. It is not. It is not well thought out. It would eventually be discovered, and instead of two of you dealing with two sets of pissed off parents, there would be four of you dealing with four sets of pissed off parents. Not just added drama, exponential drama. I'm in no way suggesting that is the meaning you have implied here, as you have not given any such indication, or posted your e-mail. I'm only letting you know our concerns of such threads deteriorating into such shenanigans. We've already seen it. We fell bad about having to edit our members posts, but we only do it in the best interest of our members. If members insist, they can PM each other, but we won't allow it publicly, and with our blessings. My suggestion, and increasingly, the suggestion of other mods and admins, is for cousin couples from India to do whatever it takes to migrate to somewhere it IS legal, and integrate into the new society. Very quietly procure passports/visas. Search out employment. Leave, and don't look back. Do not be cajoled into returning. Make a clean break. There may be the odd exception, but as a rule, you will NEVER change your family's mind. You waste valuable time, and risk violence in some instances, in trying. With the very admirable tradition of supporting parents as they get older, leaving is almost as unfavorable an option as staying, and risking all manner of wailing and gnashing of teeth out of them, or even a beating or worse. They will threaten to kill themselves. They will not. They will not die of grief, as they will say they will. They will get angry, and disown you. Then where will you be? You may as well be elsewhere, making a new life, and new traditions, so following generations will not endure what you are.
  2. Godly_Girl3414, I think you are WAY over-thinking this. Much of your family is privy to your feelings, and, so far, have not reacted anywhere near as badly as we hear all too often on this site. Let's deal with the issues individually. First, you two are both of age, and unattached. Check. Next, as mentioned, family has a pretty good clue that an eventual relationship is more than an outside possibility. If your Dad was going to be vehemently opposed, he would certainly not have mentioned your "crush", more less immediately made sport of it. If your Mom were vehemently opposed, she would not have said "Let me check into it". BTW, you may as well help her check into it by sending her here: http://www.cousincouples.com/?page=religion . May as well show that to your preacher too. Next, while on the subject, that is for FIRST cousins, second cousins are certainly allowed if first cousins are. Plus, second cousins are legal to marry everywhere around the world that we are aware of. Even though this isn't an issue, and you didn't mention it, (and I won't either) I did have a little peek at which State you are in. I don't need more specific information than that. If my look-up is correct, you are in a State where first cousins cannot marry, but again, second cousins are legal in all 50 States, yours included. Don't let anyone tell you it isn't legal. It is. Since this is in the "Sharing your feelings" thread, let's delve into that a bit shall we? You two have already passed what I consider step one, which is the whole "If you weren't my cousin" type conversation. He has admitted the feeling is mutual, and nerves are the only thing that have prevented any action on these feelings, at least on your part. Probably his part too, but I'll take the liberty of getting in his head and giving the possibly slightly different reasons for reluctance on his part. For one, there is the age difference. Though not huge, and certainly not unheard of, (my first wife was just short of 8 years older than me) he could be nervous about being seen as "taking advantage" of your being younger, and your single mother status. Which brings me to another possible issue. He sounds like he is looking for a partner, but might just be at least a little comfortable as a bachelor. 7 or 8 years? Yeah, he may be looking, but it doesn't sound like he's gotten real carried away with it. He also may have for the most part ruled out dating single mothers, but, IMHO, is willing to make an exception in your case. You say he's been alone all this time, but, does he have any kids of his own from earlier in his life? Does he seem to be the type that would be a good provider, and nurturing "father" figure to your child? If I were you, I'd consider that part of the equation above what family would think. I think it's beyond time for the two of you to set down and have what we around here call "The Talk". You can start out by revisiting the "If we weren't cousins..." thing, and take it from there. Let him know that you have looked into it, and it isn't anywhere near as unheard of or "taboo" as you all and others have been led to believe. Let him know that the facts are out there, and available here. Let him know that you are concerned what others would think, but, in the end, we all get our own life to live, and happiness to make. They'll get over it, trust me. Ask him what type of relationship he would like with you, if what others think of it were not part of the equation. Because, in reality, it shouldn't be. Tell him you would like to spend more time with him, if he says he's so inclined. As the conversation progresses, you really should find out how he would feel about stepping into a ready-made family. (No pun intended, LOL) All kidding aside, I really think that part of it is your bigger issue at this point. I think there is some pretty good potential for you two, if he's willing to step into it. But, as we also remind folks in your situation, looking for advice, you can't "break up/divorce" family. If you're going to do this, you need to be all in, and for the long haul. If it were me, I would recommend slowly moving forward for you two. Take it as you would any other relationship. I would slowly, over time, spend more time together. Should that go well, slowly make some "appearances". Start out on the down low, and take it one step at a time. If you two are happy together, it will show. If it shows to you two, it will show to others. When it does, the drama level will go down accordingly. I'll assure you, your Mom and Dad want to see you happy, even if they do have their reservations. I'll also assure you, his Mom at least, wants the same for him. Cross your bridges, and get out in front of the drama with facts, as it comes. He's 30. He's a big boy. He's fully well of an age to tell folks to get over themselves. You're 23, and fully well of an age to stand with him, and back him up. If he's reluctant, bring him here, show him this thread, and my advice. My advice to him is, he may not realize it, but life is marching on. At thirty, I didn't so much realize it, but, at 52 I do. He's been on his own for a while, and if you make him happy, he really should take the opportunity before him to be happy.
  3. Hi Arai, long time no see. You'll have to count me out. While it looks like my kind of weather, with my knees in the condition they are, I do good to climb an 8 ft step ladder now. I think the mountain is beyond my ability. Have fun, and remember to acclimate yourself for a few days before you start up, to lessen the chance of altitude sickness.....
  4. Me and mine are not together, and never will be. But, usually we do say it at the end of our conversations. It is as much a "family" thing as anything now, but we do truly mean it.....
  5. I didn't get into this thread before, but, since it's been "Lazarus'd", I'll play. I do think there's something to GSA. What, or exactly how it plays out, I'm not sure. Me and mine, being 2nd cousins, SHOULD, by all of our genetic study facts, be far enough blood that it wouldn't come into play. And, as kids, it didn't. Now, I DID have a crush on her older sister, but I think that was as much a function of how cute she was (still is, BTW) and how cool she was, (again, still is) as any sort of GSA. Me and Cuz have always been close, I think, because of the fact that we were born one week to the day apart. When our mothers explained that to us when we were 8 or 9 years old, we instantly became "best cousins" and have been that way ever since. Our lives up to that point couldn't have been more different. They had traveled the world. I'd not been very far out of Southern Illinois. I went to Chicago when I was about 3, and it seemed like a whole different world. (It IS, but, I digress. You all are getting a taste of it with this President, I doubt I need say more. That is why I always say SOUTHERN Illinois, LOL) I had no desire to ever go back, and other than briefly once about 5 years ago, I haven't. They had pictures of them at the Pyramids, living in what would be considered palaces, summer vacays in Paris, at the Eiffel Tower, seeing the sights big time. I spent my summers being Huck Finn at the creek, about two blocks from the house. But, once we met, those differences didn't matter. We knew our Moms were close, and when we found out that we'd been in their bellies at the same time, we had a connection. We'll be 52 next month, and just a couple years ago, our Moms told us we were actually born on each others' due date. SHE should have been born a week before me. Even at 50, I stuck my tongue out at her. :tongue: :evil: Even as far out as second cousins though, I know at least with us, there's SOMETHING bigger going on. We've always finished each others sentences. We've always somehow just known what the other was thinking. Our Moms saw it, commented on it, then told us about how close in age we were. It was like a light bulb clicked. Like "Ah, OK, that must be why I like you so much." Even as kids, when there was no hint of the "S" part of the GSA, there was "GA" of some sort going on. Even after our "moment" at 20, and almost 30 years of awkward estrangement that followed, once we reconnected, it was like when we were young again. We STILL finished each others sentences, and looked at each other and rolled our eyes at the same time when someone (usually family, at a family function) had some sort of brain fart. We like a lot of the same music. We like a lot of the same food. We LOVE our coffee, and pretty much, fixed the same way. Just a huge list of things in common that are a little much for pure coincidence. So much so that any sort of Westermark effect was negated. For several years when we were tweens to early teens, we were almost like siblings. They lived right across the street, and we all played together every evening after school, and all summer long. We'd met. So, yeah. I think there's something to it, but just what, I can't put my finger on. And, I'm sure it plays out differently with different people and situations.....
  6. Patrick, For now, nothing. At least nothing more than you two already are doing. It's kinda unusual for a family to allow two opposite gender cousins to sleep together at your ages. One of two things is going on with that. Either they implicitly trust the two of you, or there is subtle (or NOT so subtle) "matchmaking" going on. Either way, it behooves the two of you to NOT take advantage of the situation. I know the hormones are surely raging, but do control yourselves as you have to this point. Should someone fail to knock before entering, and the two of you be discovered in a more "uncompromising" position, I would be willing to bet these sleeping arrangements would change immediately, and permanently. At least until the two of you are old enough and out on your own, and able to decide your own sleeping arrangements. There would most likely be some level of what I've toned down to call a poostorm. (I can, and have skirted the cuss filter, but since we admins and mods have recently scolded others for doing it, I won't, as much as I'd like to in this instance. :evil:) Anywho, for the time being, keep things only slightly more than platonic. I would say totally platonic, but, you two are old enough to engage in the behavior you are, provided you don't take it further. Plus, it will retain their trust, reinforce their matchmaking, if that is an element in this, and most importantly, deepen your relationship to where it will be unflappable when you two are older, and for the rest of your lives. If you move too quickly, you risk all of that, for momentary pleasure. If things progress too fast physically, and one of you gets nervous, you risk many years of awkward moments, even if you remain "favorite cousins." Trust me when I tell you, don't move too fast. Which brings me to what all the regulars around here know as my "broken record speech". You two are at the perfect age for it. Do send her the link to this thread. I want BOTH of you to hear it. Here goes. #1) STAY IN SCHOOL. Focus on your studies. Get or keep your grades up. I'm amazed at the growing number of idiots in this world. Don't be them. I'll assure you, if you two are going to go for it when you are older, you'd better be smart. You're going to need to be well educated, and it will need to be obvious when you converse with others. You don't want to fit the old stereotypes of "kissing cousins". Get smart. Get either a degree or certs of some sort. There are trades and professions that don't take the huge investments many degrees require, and pay as well as those professions. Decide now where you want to go with your lives, and start heading that way. #2) Keep this on the down low. (Re-read my first paragraph) Build the friendship. Get to know each other between the ears, deeply, before you get carried away with all the other various body parts. There is all the time in the world for neeked shenanigans later, when you are of age and in a position to do so. Until then, keep this casual. It is nearly impossible for people twice your age to hide a physical relationship, so the chances of you doing it are virtually nil. They see you as best friends, and that's what the appearance and reality needs to be for the time being. #3) Once you have built upon the foundation I've laid out for you, and you are AT LEAST 18, (I recommend at least 20, and prefer 22ish) and are still both on the same page with a relationship, THEN, you ramp it up. You will need to be independent. If the two of you end up together, from what you've said, I seriously doubt it would come as some big earth-shaking news to everyone, but I still doubt your folks OR hers are going to be wanting to pay the bills with the two of you under their roof. And, since were at that point, legally, you won't be wanting to be cohabiting in Texas. Not legal for first cousins. Are there "work-arounds"? Yeah. Do you want the drama of having to jump through the hoops? I wouldn't, so I wouldn't recommend it for you either. IMHO, you should look for digs somewhere between Texas and Cali, where it IS legal. Colorado and New Mexico come to mind. Texas is hard to beat for job opportunities, but I bet NM and CO aren't bad either. #4) Provided you are both still on the same page with a relationship at this point, when you have your ducks in a row, go for it, and don't let ANYONE stop you. I usually recommend, at least initially, getting a two bedroom place, to keep up appearances. But, in your case, separate sleeping quarters would probably raise more eyebrows. Don't rule it out though, if you can afford it. Your own space is nice, and the actual sleeping arrangements are up to the two of you at that point... Remember, #3 & #4 are out in front of where you are at this point, but you asked, so you may as well have the food for thought as you consider your future.
  7. Chuck D, I'm with you on the blues/blues rock/Southern rock, but not near as much on the country. I guess Dad burnt me out on it as a kid. I do like some Hank Jr, and some of the more "outlaw" country guys. The Good Widow likes country, but most of the "pop" country today has the same effect on me that Fogerty has on you, LOL. I listen to what I consider new bands, even though most of them are from the 90's. Alice in Chains, Soundgarden/Audioslave, and older Queensrych for the Seattle sound. Tesla for the "70's, blue jean throwback" factor. Some Youtube vids of the power ballads from the hair bands from the late 80's/90's, for visual comic relief and ear candy. I've also been watching vids of one of the best Fender benders of all time, Robin Trower. Since it's raining here today, I'll probably have to find one of Long Misty Days, and I'm sure I'll watch Plant & Page doing "The Rain Song" from the No Quarter DVD set. Just Awesome.
  8. deliaxx, Second cousins are way too close in her mind, because she's bought into all the old wives tales of cousins having kids with two heads or 12 fingers and toes. Nonsense. There is all kinds of information on the main page about the genetics of cousin couples, and the fact that second cousins share (IIRC) only about 1% or so more DNA than the average stranger. Don't quote me on that, it's been a while since I looked at it, and several of the others here are much better read on it than I. I do recall there is no documented proof of genetic problems directly related (no pun intended) to second cousins having children. The issues that are documented between first cousins' offspring are WAY over blown as well. The increased risk is between FIRST cousins, not second, and the rate of increased risk is no more than other risk factors that are generally deemed acceptable. I doubt your mother would tell a ~38 yr old woman she should not have children, because there is a ~3% or so increased chance of the child having problems, now would she? Well, that's the same increase in risk as FIRST cousins. It drops completely off the radar in the case of SECOND cousins. The issues are for rare conditions also. Any issues that would come into play in your case are the same as non-related couples. For instance, I have A-fib. My Mom has it. My Grandpa had it. My cousin's Grandpa may or may not have, but we have no proof he did. We have no proof that their youngest brother had it. However, his son, my and Cuz's mothers' other first cousin, has it. So, there is a tendency in the family toward A-fib. Should her and I have got together back in the day, and decided to have children, there would have most likely been a better than average chance that they would have had A-fib. BUT, by the same token, since there is no proof her Grandfather had it, we know neither her or her Mom have it, there is just as likely a chance that mine would have been the recessive gene, NOT the dominate, and we would have had children that do not have it. Same for a family history of diabetes, breast cancer, liver problems, bad eyes, ingrown toenails, you name it. All conditions that are an issue for any couple to consider before having children, be they cousins or not. If she is as open minded as you say, then perhaps she can be enlightened to the actual risks (or lack of them) and eventually change her thinking on the matter. If her objections are more from a moral standpoint, there is information here as well, showing that the Bible has no issue with FIRST cousins being together, and such arrangements were actually COMMANDED by God in more than one instance. Second cousins are perfectly fine in the eyes of the Lord too, so THAT isn't a valid objection. An open minded woman would also recognize when she is believing misguided "facts" based on an unfounded stigma. I don't know that I would bring it back up any time soon however. Let it drop for now, keep in touch with Cuz, build the friendship, test the waters to see if he feels the same, and if so, keep it under your hats for the time being. I know it doesn't seem like it, but you really do have all the time in the world ahead of you. If it does come up, by her watching the two of you interact, you may as well go to her privately, ask to speak to her in confidence, and then set her down, and bring her here. Tell her you know how she feels, but you would like for her to at least hear you out, and look at the facts before being so hasty to judge. Let her know you are in no hurry, but that you really feel a connection to Cuz. Be honest. Let her know that you want to show her the facts, and that other people's opinion of it don't matter to you, but you would like to eventually have her blessing, if possible, when and if anything were to ever come of it. I know a lot of this is way out in front of where you are right now, but if there is a mutual attraction, there ARE better than average odds that sooner or later, it will play out. If it does, you may as well have the groundwork in place to minimize the drama.
  9. deliaxx, Relax. I have a second cousin who is very close to me as well. We are the same age too, only MUCH older than you two. We are not together, and never will be, but that is more of our own doing, and not family. In our case, it is our Mothers who are first cousins. They are close to the same age, and back when they were your age, they were very close too. They were more like sisters than first cousins actually. They still pretty much are. They drive each other crazy, just like sisters. When her Mom, sister and her moved here when we were kids, me and my brothers and her and her sister were the same way. Very close. To the point we refer to them as the sisters we never had, and they refer to us as the brothers they never had. When we were about 3 years older than you (20ish), through a series of events, we became much more, over the course of a couple weeks. Like you, she got scared. Not so much about family, but friends and acquaintances. Our Moms wouldn't have cared, and our Dads opinions would have been neutral. Even at our age now, in our 50's, our Moms wouldn't care, and would actually be kinda tickled. But, she has a long term BF, I was divorced within the last year, and have met a wonderful woman I am quite fond of indeed. When I was married, and even now, we have no stomach for cheating. We had our chance and didn't go for it. I've stuck around here for folks just like you. You are in a position to possibly have a most rewarding relationship with this young man, should you play your cards right. First things first. STAY IN SCHOOL. Either get your grades up, or keep them up. He needs to do the same. Get smart. Nobody wants a dummy for a partner. Next, until you are of age, (and I recommend 20~22 or so) keep in touch, stay close, and get closer. Build the friendship. In all of that, do try to keep the hormones in check, and avoid naked shenanigans. It will do you no good to find yourself in "a motherly way" before you are fully prepared to do so. That isn't to say you don't do the old tried and true "If you weren't my cousin, ...." line on him to be sure he has similar feelings. If you get the impression he does, he probably does. That's all fine and good, and as you get a little older, and closer, you can certainly ramp up the affection. Just don't jump in too fast and too deep. We did, and it got very intense, very quickly. Too intense, too quickly. We didn't ever have to say "I love you", it was a given. We knew we loved each other. But, when it changed to intimacy, and that fact and those words had a different meaning, THAT was overwhelming. It really did come right out of the blue. It was so much, so fast, that she got scared. Had we seen it coming, when we were your age, we could have, (and most likely would have) taken things much slower, and thought out where we wanted to go with it, and what our options were. Remember too, back then, there was no internet or site like this, so information was limited to what you have heard, which has you nervous up to this point. We would have had to dig a little deeper. But, like I say, we weren't even thinking of each other that way at your age, and it just happened later. Had the internet been around, and possibly a site like this, who knows, things may have been much different. I do know we would have googled it, had that been an option, LOL. If you say he is your perfect type, then you are probably like me and mine. We finish each other's sentences and know what the other is thinking without saying it. If that sounds like you two, then trust me when I tell you these things to remember. School first. Get smart. Part of that is having a good look at this site and the main page, and all the info. Keep it on the down low. If there will be drama, you are in no position now to withstand it. Be patient, and lay the groundwork for a relationship when you ARE able to be out on your own, and independent. Once you are ready, and BOTH on the same page, go for it, and don't let ANYONE talk you out of it. If you do have the "If you weren't my cousin..." talk, and it leads to what we here call "The Talk", where you openly admit your feelings to each other, feel free to show him the site, and this thread. I'm talking to him, and any other young members and lurkers in a similar situation. It's known as my "broken record speech" LOL.
  10. This topic has been moved to Help / Advice. [iurl]http://www.cousincouples.com/forum/index.php?topic=7255.0[/iurl]
  11. myne23 It goes here: http://www.cousincouples.com/forum/index.php?topic=6673.0
  12. I had Direct TV for several years. Then, the TV, (along with most of the REST of my furniture :cheesy:) went away. Cuz's Mom got a new TV and needed my truck to pick it up, and help get it in the house. So, she gave me her old TV. Still worked fine, she just wanted a bigger one with a better picture to be able to see it better. I hooked it up to my cable from the internet, and it seems that in the several months since I had done that, cable blocked the TV programing, so I only got WSB Superstation on it. Plan B. I had made my own HDTV antennas back when the switch came, so that during heavy rains/storms, I could watch the weather for warnings and such. They worked every well, but over time, the connections would corrode slightly, and reception would decrease. So, this time, I looked and found another DIY antenna that was actually much simpler to build, and works even better. As of right now, I think I get 3 channels from our ABC station, 3 from the NBC station, 4 video + 1 audio from our local PBS station, 4 from our CBS station, 2 from Fox, and several misc. channels from 2 different religious broadcasters in the area. Those and the ABC station are the only ones really "local" and should be the only ones I would be able to get, without some "wowwy zowwy" (read PRICEY) professionally built antenna at full flaming retail. The CBS station is about 60 miles away (50 or so as the crow flies I guess) in Missouri, and the NBC station is probably a little farther than that, in Kentucky. I have to move the antenna a little to get a consistent signal from the NBC station, but the others come in reasonably strong. We're having our own round of storms with hail and the possibilities of tornadoes today as well, and I just checked, and I'm getting the weakest one just fine. The original one I built is here: http://www.tvantennaplans.com/ The one I have now is here: http://www.diytvantennas.com/sbgh.php I didn't bother with reflectors on either of them. So far, the second one is working better, and is considerably easier and quicker to build. The only difference is I used copper wire I already had laying around rather than go buy a roll of aluminum wire. Aluminum MIGHT work better, but for no more than I watch TV, and for what, this works just fine.
  13. sykikdoc, Then my advise to request meeting privately with your respective fathers will be repeated. Even if you are nervous about such a thing, I really think it would change their impression of your maturity level. Being a "grumpy old guy" myself, I don't want to cut such guys down, but I'll tell you right now, you may as well learn how to play the game of life as an adult, because if you don't make a move for what you want, you'll never have it. You talk to them. You tell them you know they may think you immature, but you aren't taking this lightly, and it took considerable nerve on your part to ask to speak with them. You remind them of your high marks in school, and your future goals in that regard. You let them know you may not be ready, but you don't think she is either, and would ask that they at least consider giving you the chance. You had best step up, and start moving that direction, or you have no chance. They may shoot the whole idea down, but at least you tried. Just as likely as well, is that it gives them something to consider, and consider it they may. Perhaps talk to your father first, in confidence, and ask if he would be willing to ask her father to meet with the two of you. See where that goes.
  14. sykikdoc, I had a suspicion that you might possibly be in the position you describe. I still stick with the "if" line, only being in your situation, you can probably modify it to some degree. "If we were not in such traditional families, I would date you." Something like that perhaps. Surely you are resourceful enough as a high mark student preparing to enter the medical field, that you will figure out SOME way to get candid moments, all be they probably brief. I'm not fond of the "passing notes" method, as notes can be discovered. If they are, it will erode confidence in your forthrightness and intentions. In your situation, sneaking around on the "down low" is probably not advisable. Which brings me to........ If there is a history of cousin marriage in your family, I'll assume you are of Middle Eastern/Eastern decent. If that is the case, is there not the possibility that your parents have already thought of the two of you as a couple? If they are "conservative", (I read 'traditional') I would assume they have their eyes open for marriage prospects for the two of you. It may require considerable nerve on your part, but I would think if there were a way to speak to your and her father candidly, and in confidence, they could become quite the allies in your quest for your cousin's hand and heart. As you are preparing to go into the medical field, if you are not already up on it, go to the main page here and get up to speed on the genetics. You will probably learn them soon enough, but you may as well have a head start on the topic. I would think that would be their only concern that would rise to the level of NOT particularly wanting the two of you to be together. There has been considerable hype where you are about the genetics of repeated cousin marriages in one particular community there. I know not if you are specifically of that community, but the hype has been to paint with a broad brush indeed. You can only hope they have not bought into it. If they have not, could you not speak with them privately, admit your attraction to you cousin to them, assure them of your honest intentions, and ask for their guidance and permission to "court" her when the time comes? Let them know that for the next few years at least, you will have a full plate with school, but that at some point in the future, you would at least like your hat in the ring so to speak, for her hand in marriage. I would think this would show great respect, and, even if they are not so warm to the idea initially, they could be brought on board. Let them know you only bring it up for their consideration at this point, and their permission to allow you to continue considering her as a potential life mate in the future. Your fathers will talk, and they will talk privately with your mothers. (pillow talk, I would call it) Eventually, the four of them would possibly have a nice long conversation on the topic. If that happens, you can forget about the "if" and you had best be prepared for the "when." :grin:
  15. sykikdoc, You don't mention what country you are in, so I won't either, but I did take the liberty as a mod to have a peek. My look-up is usually accurate enough for our purposes here. If so, where you are, it is perfectly legal to have a relationship with, and even marry, your cousin, should things progress to such a point. Being 18, you are both legal as well, to pursue whatever nature of a relationship you choose. I've stuck around here for just such situations as yours. My recommendation to you is to take a deep breath for starters. Are you (either or both) still in school? If not, why not? At 18, you should be doing some college (or the equivalent where you are) or trade/certificate program. Get smart while you are young and have the chance. Stay close, build the friendship, but focus FIRST on laying the groundwork for your future. As you do so, and stay close, there is no harm in getting closer. For breaking the ice, there is nothing better than the old tried and true "If you weren't my cousin...." line. You fill in the rest depending on your particular situation. ("we would be perfect for each other", "I would ask you out", "I would date you", you know, that sort of thing.) You gauge her reaction that way, but if she has some of what is referred to as the "ick" factor, you have the out of saying "I did say IF, you know, IF we weren't cousins....." It still puts the thought out there, and could possibly get her thinking enough to poke around online, and possibly stumble upon this site. If she says something to the effect of "Yeah, I know...." then you can GENTLY ease in with "Actually, it ISN'T as weird as it seems, and it IS actually legal. While it isn't as common here as it use to be, it is still a perfectly reasonable option for us to think about." At that point, you will fully be in what we call "The Talk." At your age(s), part of it should be "We need to take things very slowly, get our acts together, get in a position to be independent, and THEN start stepping it up." Even though she is a few months older, it doesn't mean you can't be the one taking the lead, and rationally thinking things out before getting in too deep. If things should progress, you will want to keep it on the down low for at least a couple years. You are too young to withstand potential drama out of family, regardless the extent of drama. For now, you need NO DRAMA. Go out to a movie or for coffee or a light meal on occasion. Keep it casual. You can even do such things now, before you broach the topic with her. Such an occasion where the two of you would be able to speak candidly, (without 'sister ears' listening) would be as good as time as any to test the waters. Just keep calm, cool, and collected. If she thinks you are "clingy" or "needy", your chances won't be good. You have to act like you have it all figured out, without being pushy. (Even if you are winging it as you go.) We can't be there to hold your hand, and walk you through it, but we can set back here in the cheap seats and toss out a few ideas for you, and things to keep in mind.
  16. We've had a similar thread before, and I posted in it, but, it's been a while, so I'll play. I use to have a 1962 Studebaker GT Hawk. I let a guy talk me out of it, and wish I still had it. At any rate, that's where the "Hawk" came from. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Studebaker_Gran_Turismo_Hawk
  17. bearbait, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I know if anything were to happen to either of us, the other would be devastated as well. She travels a LOT for her work now, and some of the places she is sent are,( how can I put this nicely?) less than totally civilized. Dangerous actually, especially for a single woman. I worry about her. She worries about me. I do various types of work, none of which are particularly safe. The trades I'm into all make the fatalities lists every year. I try to advise her on how to handle herself in rough neighborhoods, and she advises me to follow all the safety rules. Even with all of that, unfortunately, as you have seen, accidents happen. All of us here of any age have lost loved ones, several, (you now included) that "special" cousin. We pick up the pieces because that is all we can do. Life does go on. We hold our memories in a special place, until the day we join those who have passed before us. I hope you find comfort knowing that at this parting, you both knew how special the other was to the you. Some never get to say it...
  18. tgmhc, Yeah, I get an "Internal Server Error" when I click on it. I don't know that it ever got used all that much, and, with several upgrades, it is probably low on the list of priorities around here to get back up and running. You can start a thread with a survey/poll in it. I'm not exactly sure how to do it, but I know you can. I'm sure I could figure it out if I were so inclined, I've just never been, so I haven't paid any particular attention to that feature. Oh, sorry I missed you in chat. If you're still here, come on back for a bit. I have a few minutes before I have to hit the sack.
  19. jguilt, I do a little cooking. DW is a decent cook, but she'll tell you I'm better. Other than DQ when I was in high school, I've never done it for money. Two years ago I won a chili cook-off, and last year I got third. In the last several years, I've started doing some Cajun food. I've got the gumbo down, and the etouffee is real close. It's always good, but a couple times it has been excellent. I have to get consistent with it. I suspect it is subtle differences in the roux. Roux is an art, and I'm just now getting a little past the "paint by numbers" stage with it. I ALWAYS panic and stress when I'm doing the roux. I have a very good friend who is a chef, and he's given me some tips and pointers along the way. I LOVE to help him cook, and he LOVES to have me. We did filet mignon for 30 one time, and it was an eye-opening experience for me. He made it look SSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOO easy. I made Cajun stuffed peppers for him one night, (something I just pulled out of my,,,,,well,,,,HAT) and made enough for him to come have some with us. He said they were the best stuffed peppers he had ever eaten. I didn't realize that Italian Beef was somewhat a regional thing, and Nat and Roma had never heard of it. I have done it from scratch, but there is a little old Italian market the next town over that is famous around here for their Italian Beef Seasoning. I sent some to Nat and Roma. They liked it very well, and they made it themselves, never having done so before. It's pretty easy really. You need a crock pot, a decent roast, a packet of seasoning, a little water or beer, a jar of pepperoncini peppers (a few in the pot, a few cleaned and sliced on the sandwich), mozzarella, and hard rolls. 8 hrs later, Italian Beef sandwiches. But, I don't think you were looking for recipes..... :grin: As most of my post need it but don't get it: TL/DR is, yeah, I like to cook, but if I get any more serious, it will be like work. I think it best to keep my day job for now......
  20. Ashley, If you love him, and want it to be more, you have to tell him. You need not be so bold and forward as to scare him off, but if he doesn't know how you feel, he may assume all you want is a FWB thing. If he isn't looking to have anything serious with these other girls, maybe it's because he's waiting on you....
  21. misskhan, The sitting by each other, smiling, and teasing are usually signs he sort of likes you. I have a feeling the two of you are quite young. I get that impression from the fact you are just now realizing that boys/young men are interested in the body parts of the female persuasion. :laugh: Unless it become a total obsession, it's perfectly normal. As far as what to do, for the time being, do nothing. Stay close, keep your nose in the books, encourage him to do the same, (by finding more appropriate "learning" materials) and keep it all casual. You will probably find as you get older, your interest in the body parts of the male persuasion will increase as well. Once you two are old enough,(read OF AGE) provided you have remained close, and gotten closer, if the feelings are mutual, THEN the two of you can investigate each others body parts. DO NOT get carried away and do so before then....... Getting caught doing so could really put the damper on chances of making things deeper and getting serious about each other. I'm certain your families would really frown on such behavior, believe me. You want to be old enough to withstand the drama, should it come.
  22. Nope. Just honest. There is a line we've agreed to not cross. We aren't going to, you shouldn't either. No, but you would do well to be careful.......very careful. We've seen these situations play out badly, and you are looking that direction now. I'm just trying to tell you to keep it at the looking that direction, and NOT the MOVING that direction. You could find yourself in a poostorm the likes of which you've yet to see in your 40 something years...... If you're still not old enough to control the situation at your ages, then yeah, maybe it wouldn't hurt you to be a little worried. Just trust me when I say if you act on this, you will end up with PLENTY to worry about. (Sorry it took me a few days to get back to you. I'm on 6/10's for the next 2 to 3 weeks, so I will only be here as time allows.)
  23. boozer, Ever hear of honor killings? That would be the more likely outcome with these wackjob Indian parents who refuse to listen to any sort of reason. I still say the best course of action is to quietly make preparations to leave together, then once both are ready, leave and don't EVER return. With the customs and traditions, that is something 95% are unwilling to do, so our advice to them is pretty much limited to that. If they stay and try to fight for it, their parents will never change their mind. If they become pregnant, it will only further enrage them, possibly to the point of acting on the violence they threaten many times.
  24. bearbait, I'm a couple/ three years older than you. Give it a little while with the attitude you have, and time alone won't be a factor either. Like you, we have had our ups and downs with our SO's. Even with that, our "alone/adult beverage/coffee/whatever" time has been purely platonic. We had a nice long discussion one night about where we came from, where we ended up, where we went after that, were we are now, and where we go from here. Through it all, we were both on the same page. Yes, we love each other very much. No, it isn't enough to damage our current relationships over, over water under the bridge. This, even after the, not "what if's" but the "if's" in general. IF I weren't married, and IF she didn't have a long term BF, what about us? Well, the consensus was, yeah, we would probably be together. The consensus also was, it would be as much or more so for the companionship, as anything physical. (Sux getting old,,,,LOL) BUT, that was the extent of questioning the "ifs." The ifs are not an option for us. As I said previously, we had our chance, and didn't take it. Well, we didn't stay with it, let me put it that way. That is why I have stayed here to preach to our younger members and lurkers. Get your act together. Get on the same page. Keep it on the down low until you are of age and ready. Once you are ready, go for it, don't let ANYBODY stop you, and don't look back. We did not play it that way. We went in innocently enough, and ended up pretty far from it, in a hurry. That same night we discussed all of this, I showed her the site. I always assumed she would be quite upset that I was here. We came here a couple times over the duration of that conversation. The second time, I showed her this forum, and I said "See where it says 'Hawk'?" and she said "yyyyYYYYYyyyeeeaaahhhh...?" and I said "THAT would be ME." I told her why I stuck around here, and the advice I have became infamous for. She also fully agreed with me on that. I already knew that she would whole-heartedly agree with me on that. I was correct. She got a little misty eyed on me, and nodded her head yes when I told her my standard recommendations on the site here. She also agreed when she saw where I said "Our time came and went, and we have no stomach for cheating." Even though I didn't need it, I asked if she minded if I became a mod here, after I had been asked by another mod if I would be interested. If she had been the least bit uncomfortable with me being so involved, I would have declined. She only said "Is it something you want to do?" I said, "For a couple reasons, yeah." She said "If it's something you want to do, then do it." That's the kind of cousin I have....... :laugh: For the time being, be chaperoned by your SO's and family. Even then, as we have at family functions, you will have time to speak candidly. Stay on the same page, and don't do anything I wouldn't do........... :wink:
  25. bearbait, No, you're not the only ones in that situation. Me and my second cousin are in a somewhat similar situation, with a few little differences. We never really knew each other until we were 10 or 11 yrs old, and they moved here. After that, we were very close, practically like siblings for several years. We both moved from being right across the street from each other, and drifted apart in our crowds we ran with, but our friends did overlap to some degree. We still saw each other fairly regularly. We were always each others' favorite cousin from the first time we met, and that has never changed. At 20, we had what we call our "moment" which got very intense, very quickly. She got scared, and I was at least a little nervous about it, so we agreed to walk away from it. At least for us, family would not have been an issue. It was society at large that had her to the "What will people think/say?" mode. Personally, I could have cared less what people thought, but if it bothered her, it was an issue for me. At that time, there was no internet, or site like this, so information was limited to the old wives tales of children with extra fingers and toes and nonsense such as that. So, we backed away from each other in more ways than physically. We let the whole affair be very awkward for 30 years too. In the last couple years, we've reconnected, aired it all out, got over ourselves, and are back to where we were "before." It was not easy getting to this point, but we are determined to not ever be estranged again. I'm married to a good woman, and she has a long term BF. We are agreed that we have no stomach for cheating, so there will be no shenanigans. Much too much water has passed beneath the bridge to go back and test any sort of "What If." I would encourage you to try to get to the same sort of point with your cousin. (Which, it sound like you are.) We still love each other very much, but are way long in the tooth for any sort of trainwreck in our current relationship, AND respective relationships with our SO's. We had our chance, and didn't go for it. Such is life. After being through two previous divorces, and her being through one, we have no desire to be the cause of each other going through such drama again. We are perfectly content with just being over the "awkward" and being able to enjoy each others' company whenever we get the chance. With our respective work schedules, it is not as often as we would like. We missed many years we could have enjoyed together over "awkward." I will tell you this: had we not waited this long, (we're 50 now) we would have risked a trainwreck that you will be risking if the two of you do not set down and come to an agreement that you won't be having any shenanigans either. You are both married. Never fail to keep that in mind. There is nothing to say you cannot hold a special place in your hearts for each other, but you risk great heartache for multiple parties involved if you act on any of these feelings you two may have. Do keep that in mind as you reconnect.
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