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Everything posted by Hawk

  1. deliaxx, Relax. I have a second cousin who is very close to me as well. We are the same age too, only MUCH older than you two. We are not together, and never will be, but that is more of our own doing, and not family. In our case, it is our Mothers who are first cousins. They are close to the same age, and back when they were your age, they were very close too. They were more like sisters than first cousins actually. They still pretty much are. They drive each other crazy, just like sisters. When her Mom, sister and her moved here when we were kids, me and my brothers and her and her sister were the same way. Very close. To the point we refer to them as the sisters we never had, and they refer to us as the brothers they never had. When we were about 3 years older than you (20ish), through a series of events, we became much more, over the course of a couple weeks. Like you, she got scared. Not so much about family, but friends and acquaintances. Our Moms wouldn't have cared, and our Dads opinions would have been neutral. Even at our age now, in our 50's, our Moms wouldn't care, and would actually be kinda tickled. But, she has a long term BF, I was divorced within the last year, and have met a wonderful woman I am quite fond of indeed. When I was married, and even now, we have no stomach for cheating. We had our chance and didn't go for it. I've stuck around here for folks just like you. You are in a position to possibly have a most rewarding relationship with this young man, should you play your cards right. First things first. STAY IN SCHOOL. Either get your grades up, or keep them up. He needs to do the same. Get smart. Nobody wants a dummy for a partner. Next, until you are of age, (and I recommend 20~22 or so) keep in touch, stay close, and get closer. Build the friendship. In all of that, do try to keep the hormones in check, and avoid naked shenanigans. It will do you no good to find yourself in "a motherly way" before you are fully prepared to do so. That isn't to say you don't do the old tried and true "If you weren't my cousin, ...." line on him to be sure he has similar feelings. If you get the impression he does, he probably does. That's all fine and good, and as you get a little older, and closer, you can certainly ramp up the affection. Just don't jump in too fast and too deep. We did, and it got very intense, very quickly. Too intense, too quickly. We didn't ever have to say "I love you", it was a given. We knew we loved each other. But, when it changed to intimacy, and that fact and those words had a different meaning, THAT was overwhelming. It really did come right out of the blue. It was so much, so fast, that she got scared. Had we seen it coming, when we were your age, we could have, (and most likely would have) taken things much slower, and thought out where we wanted to go with it, and what our options were. Remember too, back then, there was no internet or site like this, so information was limited to what you have heard, which has you nervous up to this point. We would have had to dig a little deeper. But, like I say, we weren't even thinking of each other that way at your age, and it just happened later. Had the internet been around, and possibly a site like this, who knows, things may have been much different. I do know we would have googled it, had that been an option, LOL. If you say he is your perfect type, then you are probably like me and mine. We finish each other's sentences and know what the other is thinking without saying it. If that sounds like you two, then trust me when I tell you these things to remember. School first. Get smart. Part of that is having a good look at this site and the main page, and all the info. Keep it on the down low. If there will be drama, you are in no position now to withstand it. Be patient, and lay the groundwork for a relationship when you ARE able to be out on your own, and independent. Once you are ready, and BOTH on the same page, go for it, and don't let ANYONE talk you out of it. If you do have the "If you weren't my cousin..." talk, and it leads to what we here call "The Talk", where you openly admit your feelings to each other, feel free to show him the site, and this thread. I'm talking to him, and any other young members and lurkers in a similar situation. It's known as my "broken record speech" LOL.
  2. This topic has been moved to Help / Advice. [iurl]http://www.cousincouples.com/forum/index.php?topic=7255.0[/iurl]
  3. myne23 It goes here: http://www.cousincouples.com/forum/index.php?topic=6673.0
  4. I had Direct TV for several years. Then, the TV, (along with most of the REST of my furniture :cheesy:) went away. Cuz's Mom got a new TV and needed my truck to pick it up, and help get it in the house. So, she gave me her old TV. Still worked fine, she just wanted a bigger one with a better picture to be able to see it better. I hooked it up to my cable from the internet, and it seems that in the several months since I had done that, cable blocked the TV programing, so I only got WSB Superstation on it. Plan B. I had made my own HDTV antennas back when the switch came, so that during heavy rains/storms, I could watch the weather for warnings and such. They worked every well, but over time, the connections would corrode slightly, and reception would decrease. So, this time, I looked and found another DIY antenna that was actually much simpler to build, and works even better. As of right now, I think I get 3 channels from our ABC station, 3 from the NBC station, 4 video + 1 audio from our local PBS station, 4 from our CBS station, 2 from Fox, and several misc. channels from 2 different religious broadcasters in the area. Those and the ABC station are the only ones really "local" and should be the only ones I would be able to get, without some "wowwy zowwy" (read PRICEY) professionally built antenna at full flaming retail. The CBS station is about 60 miles away (50 or so as the crow flies I guess) in Missouri, and the NBC station is probably a little farther than that, in Kentucky. I have to move the antenna a little to get a consistent signal from the NBC station, but the others come in reasonably strong. We're having our own round of storms with hail and the possibilities of tornadoes today as well, and I just checked, and I'm getting the weakest one just fine. The original one I built is here: http://www.tvantennaplans.com/ The one I have now is here: http://www.diytvantennas.com/sbgh.php I didn't bother with reflectors on either of them. So far, the second one is working better, and is considerably easier and quicker to build. The only difference is I used copper wire I already had laying around rather than go buy a roll of aluminum wire. Aluminum MIGHT work better, but for no more than I watch TV, and for what, this works just fine.
  5. sykikdoc, Then my advise to request meeting privately with your respective fathers will be repeated. Even if you are nervous about such a thing, I really think it would change their impression of your maturity level. Being a "grumpy old guy" myself, I don't want to cut such guys down, but I'll tell you right now, you may as well learn how to play the game of life as an adult, because if you don't make a move for what you want, you'll never have it. You talk to them. You tell them you know they may think you immature, but you aren't taking this lightly, and it took considerable nerve on your part to ask to speak with them. You remind them of your high marks in school, and your future goals in that regard. You let them know you may not be ready, but you don't think she is either, and would ask that they at least consider giving you the chance. You had best step up, and start moving that direction, or you have no chance. They may shoot the whole idea down, but at least you tried. Just as likely as well, is that it gives them something to consider, and consider it they may. Perhaps talk to your father first, in confidence, and ask if he would be willing to ask her father to meet with the two of you. See where that goes.
  6. sykikdoc, I had a suspicion that you might possibly be in the position you describe. I still stick with the "if" line, only being in your situation, you can probably modify it to some degree. "If we were not in such traditional families, I would date you." Something like that perhaps. Surely you are resourceful enough as a high mark student preparing to enter the medical field, that you will figure out SOME way to get candid moments, all be they probably brief. I'm not fond of the "passing notes" method, as notes can be discovered. If they are, it will erode confidence in your forthrightness and intentions. In your situation, sneaking around on the "down low" is probably not advisable. Which brings me to........ If there is a history of cousin marriage in your family, I'll assume you are of Middle Eastern/Eastern decent. If that is the case, is there not the possibility that your parents have already thought of the two of you as a couple? If they are "conservative", (I read 'traditional') I would assume they have their eyes open for marriage prospects for the two of you. It may require considerable nerve on your part, but I would think if there were a way to speak to your and her father candidly, and in confidence, they could become quite the allies in your quest for your cousin's hand and heart. As you are preparing to go into the medical field, if you are not already up on it, go to the main page here and get up to speed on the genetics. You will probably learn them soon enough, but you may as well have a head start on the topic. I would think that would be their only concern that would rise to the level of NOT particularly wanting the two of you to be together. There has been considerable hype where you are about the genetics of repeated cousin marriages in one particular community there. I know not if you are specifically of that community, but the hype has been to paint with a broad brush indeed. You can only hope they have not bought into it. If they have not, could you not speak with them privately, admit your attraction to you cousin to them, assure them of your honest intentions, and ask for their guidance and permission to "court" her when the time comes? Let them know that for the next few years at least, you will have a full plate with school, but that at some point in the future, you would at least like your hat in the ring so to speak, for her hand in marriage. I would think this would show great respect, and, even if they are not so warm to the idea initially, they could be brought on board. Let them know you only bring it up for their consideration at this point, and their permission to allow you to continue considering her as a potential life mate in the future. Your fathers will talk, and they will talk privately with your mothers. (pillow talk, I would call it) Eventually, the four of them would possibly have a nice long conversation on the topic. If that happens, you can forget about the "if" and you had best be prepared for the "when." :grin:
  7. sykikdoc, You don't mention what country you are in, so I won't either, but I did take the liberty as a mod to have a peek. My look-up is usually accurate enough for our purposes here. If so, where you are, it is perfectly legal to have a relationship with, and even marry, your cousin, should things progress to such a point. Being 18, you are both legal as well, to pursue whatever nature of a relationship you choose. I've stuck around here for just such situations as yours. My recommendation to you is to take a deep breath for starters. Are you (either or both) still in school? If not, why not? At 18, you should be doing some college (or the equivalent where you are) or trade/certificate program. Get smart while you are young and have the chance. Stay close, build the friendship, but focus FIRST on laying the groundwork for your future. As you do so, and stay close, there is no harm in getting closer. For breaking the ice, there is nothing better than the old tried and true "If you weren't my cousin...." line. You fill in the rest depending on your particular situation. ("we would be perfect for each other", "I would ask you out", "I would date you", you know, that sort of thing.) You gauge her reaction that way, but if she has some of what is referred to as the "ick" factor, you have the out of saying "I did say IF, you know, IF we weren't cousins....." It still puts the thought out there, and could possibly get her thinking enough to poke around online, and possibly stumble upon this site. If she says something to the effect of "Yeah, I know...." then you can GENTLY ease in with "Actually, it ISN'T as weird as it seems, and it IS actually legal. While it isn't as common here as it use to be, it is still a perfectly reasonable option for us to think about." At that point, you will fully be in what we call "The Talk." At your age(s), part of it should be "We need to take things very slowly, get our acts together, get in a position to be independent, and THEN start stepping it up." Even though she is a few months older, it doesn't mean you can't be the one taking the lead, and rationally thinking things out before getting in too deep. If things should progress, you will want to keep it on the down low for at least a couple years. You are too young to withstand potential drama out of family, regardless the extent of drama. For now, you need NO DRAMA. Go out to a movie or for coffee or a light meal on occasion. Keep it casual. You can even do such things now, before you broach the topic with her. Such an occasion where the two of you would be able to speak candidly, (without 'sister ears' listening) would be as good as time as any to test the waters. Just keep calm, cool, and collected. If she thinks you are "clingy" or "needy", your chances won't be good. You have to act like you have it all figured out, without being pushy. (Even if you are winging it as you go.) We can't be there to hold your hand, and walk you through it, but we can set back here in the cheap seats and toss out a few ideas for you, and things to keep in mind.
  8. We've had a similar thread before, and I posted in it, but, it's been a while, so I'll play. I use to have a 1962 Studebaker GT Hawk. I let a guy talk me out of it, and wish I still had it. At any rate, that's where the "Hawk" came from. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Studebaker_Gran_Turismo_Hawk
  9. bearbait, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I know if anything were to happen to either of us, the other would be devastated as well. She travels a LOT for her work now, and some of the places she is sent are,( how can I put this nicely?) less than totally civilized. Dangerous actually, especially for a single woman. I worry about her. She worries about me. I do various types of work, none of which are particularly safe. The trades I'm into all make the fatalities lists every year. I try to advise her on how to handle herself in rough neighborhoods, and she advises me to follow all the safety rules. Even with all of that, unfortunately, as you have seen, accidents happen. All of us here of any age have lost loved ones, several, (you now included) that "special" cousin. We pick up the pieces because that is all we can do. Life does go on. We hold our memories in a special place, until the day we join those who have passed before us. I hope you find comfort knowing that at this parting, you both knew how special the other was to the you. Some never get to say it...
  10. tgmhc, Yeah, I get an "Internal Server Error" when I click on it. I don't know that it ever got used all that much, and, with several upgrades, it is probably low on the list of priorities around here to get back up and running. You can start a thread with a survey/poll in it. I'm not exactly sure how to do it, but I know you can. I'm sure I could figure it out if I were so inclined, I've just never been, so I haven't paid any particular attention to that feature. Oh, sorry I missed you in chat. If you're still here, come on back for a bit. I have a few minutes before I have to hit the sack.
  11. jguilt, I do a little cooking. DW is a decent cook, but she'll tell you I'm better. Other than DQ when I was in high school, I've never done it for money. Two years ago I won a chili cook-off, and last year I got third. In the last several years, I've started doing some Cajun food. I've got the gumbo down, and the etouffee is real close. It's always good, but a couple times it has been excellent. I have to get consistent with it. I suspect it is subtle differences in the roux. Roux is an art, and I'm just now getting a little past the "paint by numbers" stage with it. I ALWAYS panic and stress when I'm doing the roux. I have a very good friend who is a chef, and he's given me some tips and pointers along the way. I LOVE to help him cook, and he LOVES to have me. We did filet mignon for 30 one time, and it was an eye-opening experience for me. He made it look SSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOO easy. I made Cajun stuffed peppers for him one night, (something I just pulled out of my,,,,,well,,,,HAT) and made enough for him to come have some with us. He said they were the best stuffed peppers he had ever eaten. I didn't realize that Italian Beef was somewhat a regional thing, and Nat and Roma had never heard of it. I have done it from scratch, but there is a little old Italian market the next town over that is famous around here for their Italian Beef Seasoning. I sent some to Nat and Roma. They liked it very well, and they made it themselves, never having done so before. It's pretty easy really. You need a crock pot, a decent roast, a packet of seasoning, a little water or beer, a jar of pepperoncini peppers (a few in the pot, a few cleaned and sliced on the sandwich), mozzarella, and hard rolls. 8 hrs later, Italian Beef sandwiches. But, I don't think you were looking for recipes..... :grin: As most of my post need it but don't get it: TL/DR is, yeah, I like to cook, but if I get any more serious, it will be like work. I think it best to keep my day job for now......
  12. Ashley, If you love him, and want it to be more, you have to tell him. You need not be so bold and forward as to scare him off, but if he doesn't know how you feel, he may assume all you want is a FWB thing. If he isn't looking to have anything serious with these other girls, maybe it's because he's waiting on you....
  13. misskhan, The sitting by each other, smiling, and teasing are usually signs he sort of likes you. I have a feeling the two of you are quite young. I get that impression from the fact you are just now realizing that boys/young men are interested in the body parts of the female persuasion. :laugh: Unless it become a total obsession, it's perfectly normal. As far as what to do, for the time being, do nothing. Stay close, keep your nose in the books, encourage him to do the same, (by finding more appropriate "learning" materials) and keep it all casual. You will probably find as you get older, your interest in the body parts of the male persuasion will increase as well. Once you two are old enough,(read OF AGE) provided you have remained close, and gotten closer, if the feelings are mutual, THEN the two of you can investigate each others body parts. DO NOT get carried away and do so before then....... Getting caught doing so could really put the damper on chances of making things deeper and getting serious about each other. I'm certain your families would really frown on such behavior, believe me. You want to be old enough to withstand the drama, should it come.
  14. Nope. Just honest. There is a line we've agreed to not cross. We aren't going to, you shouldn't either. No, but you would do well to be careful.......very careful. We've seen these situations play out badly, and you are looking that direction now. I'm just trying to tell you to keep it at the looking that direction, and NOT the MOVING that direction. You could find yourself in a poostorm the likes of which you've yet to see in your 40 something years...... If you're still not old enough to control the situation at your ages, then yeah, maybe it wouldn't hurt you to be a little worried. Just trust me when I say if you act on this, you will end up with PLENTY to worry about. (Sorry it took me a few days to get back to you. I'm on 6/10's for the next 2 to 3 weeks, so I will only be here as time allows.)
  15. boozer, Ever hear of honor killings? That would be the more likely outcome with these wackjob Indian parents who refuse to listen to any sort of reason. I still say the best course of action is to quietly make preparations to leave together, then once both are ready, leave and don't EVER return. With the customs and traditions, that is something 95% are unwilling to do, so our advice to them is pretty much limited to that. If they stay and try to fight for it, their parents will never change their mind. If they become pregnant, it will only further enrage them, possibly to the point of acting on the violence they threaten many times.
  16. bearbait, I'm a couple/ three years older than you. Give it a little while with the attitude you have, and time alone won't be a factor either. Like you, we have had our ups and downs with our SO's. Even with that, our "alone/adult beverage/coffee/whatever" time has been purely platonic. We had a nice long discussion one night about where we came from, where we ended up, where we went after that, were we are now, and where we go from here. Through it all, we were both on the same page. Yes, we love each other very much. No, it isn't enough to damage our current relationships over, over water under the bridge. This, even after the, not "what if's" but the "if's" in general. IF I weren't married, and IF she didn't have a long term BF, what about us? Well, the consensus was, yeah, we would probably be together. The consensus also was, it would be as much or more so for the companionship, as anything physical. (Sux getting old,,,,LOL) BUT, that was the extent of questioning the "ifs." The ifs are not an option for us. As I said previously, we had our chance, and didn't take it. Well, we didn't stay with it, let me put it that way. That is why I have stayed here to preach to our younger members and lurkers. Get your act together. Get on the same page. Keep it on the down low until you are of age and ready. Once you are ready, go for it, don't let ANYBODY stop you, and don't look back. We did not play it that way. We went in innocently enough, and ended up pretty far from it, in a hurry. That same night we discussed all of this, I showed her the site. I always assumed she would be quite upset that I was here. We came here a couple times over the duration of that conversation. The second time, I showed her this forum, and I said "See where it says 'Hawk'?" and she said "yyyyYYYYYyyyeeeaaahhhh...?" and I said "THAT would be ME." I told her why I stuck around here, and the advice I have became infamous for. She also fully agreed with me on that. I already knew that she would whole-heartedly agree with me on that. I was correct. She got a little misty eyed on me, and nodded her head yes when I told her my standard recommendations on the site here. She also agreed when she saw where I said "Our time came and went, and we have no stomach for cheating." Even though I didn't need it, I asked if she minded if I became a mod here, after I had been asked by another mod if I would be interested. If she had been the least bit uncomfortable with me being so involved, I would have declined. She only said "Is it something you want to do?" I said, "For a couple reasons, yeah." She said "If it's something you want to do, then do it." That's the kind of cousin I have....... :laugh: For the time being, be chaperoned by your SO's and family. Even then, as we have at family functions, you will have time to speak candidly. Stay on the same page, and don't do anything I wouldn't do........... :wink:
  17. bearbait, No, you're not the only ones in that situation. Me and my second cousin are in a somewhat similar situation, with a few little differences. We never really knew each other until we were 10 or 11 yrs old, and they moved here. After that, we were very close, practically like siblings for several years. We both moved from being right across the street from each other, and drifted apart in our crowds we ran with, but our friends did overlap to some degree. We still saw each other fairly regularly. We were always each others' favorite cousin from the first time we met, and that has never changed. At 20, we had what we call our "moment" which got very intense, very quickly. She got scared, and I was at least a little nervous about it, so we agreed to walk away from it. At least for us, family would not have been an issue. It was society at large that had her to the "What will people think/say?" mode. Personally, I could have cared less what people thought, but if it bothered her, it was an issue for me. At that time, there was no internet, or site like this, so information was limited to the old wives tales of children with extra fingers and toes and nonsense such as that. So, we backed away from each other in more ways than physically. We let the whole affair be very awkward for 30 years too. In the last couple years, we've reconnected, aired it all out, got over ourselves, and are back to where we were "before." It was not easy getting to this point, but we are determined to not ever be estranged again. I'm married to a good woman, and she has a long term BF. We are agreed that we have no stomach for cheating, so there will be no shenanigans. Much too much water has passed beneath the bridge to go back and test any sort of "What If." I would encourage you to try to get to the same sort of point with your cousin. (Which, it sound like you are.) We still love each other very much, but are way long in the tooth for any sort of trainwreck in our current relationship, AND respective relationships with our SO's. We had our chance, and didn't go for it. Such is life. After being through two previous divorces, and her being through one, we have no desire to be the cause of each other going through such drama again. We are perfectly content with just being over the "awkward" and being able to enjoy each others' company whenever we get the chance. With our respective work schedules, it is not as often as we would like. We missed many years we could have enjoyed together over "awkward." I will tell you this: had we not waited this long, (we're 50 now) we would have risked a trainwreck that you will be risking if the two of you do not set down and come to an agreement that you won't be having any shenanigans either. You are both married. Never fail to keep that in mind. There is nothing to say you cannot hold a special place in your hearts for each other, but you risk great heartache for multiple parties involved if you act on any of these feelings you two may have. Do keep that in mind as you reconnect.
  18. Elisabetta, We can't read his mind M'Dear, but I would suggest if you are in contact with him on some sort of social media, you could flirt with him a little, and see what his reaction is. The better question is are you old enough to handle a LDR (long distance relationship) if he does? Not that it gets any easier as you get older, it just gets a little easier to maintain as you get older. Do either of you travel to where the other is regularly? If not, and he does feel that way, and you do too, you will be putting the logistics of all of that toward the top of the list of issues to work out......
  19. asiancuz_Lover, Being in the Pacific Rim, I would suggest Australia or New Zealand. I love the USA, but until we get our $#*! together with regards to our immigration policies and system, I wouldn't waste my time. If you are going to try to come here legally, there are innumerable hurdles to overcome. Of course, if you come here now, and can get a work visa, then just overstay it, our politicians are going to make you a citizen anyhow, so who knows, maybe you should just come on over and take your chances. As far as somewhere that you can go, that has a more common sense approach, go to AU or NZ. It may be a little tougher than just showing up, but at least the rules are all up front, and to do it legally is no where near the insanity.
  20. Sex ( LOL, this is the first thing DW said. She then said "Every doctor will tell you, it's the best exercise. :laugh:)
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