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Posts posted by chocolate

  1. Hi all. I wrote in past July about ny second cousin. When we met (he picked me up at the Greyhound Terminal on to see my aunt, his mother), right away he said "I wish you weren't my cousin." (I wish I could find that last post). 


    Anyway, I stayed there for one week, he was always, there, and we got to know a little about each other. He took back to the terminal,  he helped me on the bus, etc. We hugged when it was time for him to leave the bus before we pulled out. But the hug was beautiful! So beautiful in fact that my seat mate thought cousin was my man! 


    Anyway, I'm home, and feeling pretty good. So we began a long distance relationship, calling, etc. 

    Yet I began feeling a certain, oh I don't know, something. But we carried on. Then I found out. He asked me one night how I feel about him, so I told him. He said he met someone else. But I didn't believe him. Why? Because of the whole, entire story, it was so cockeyed! But he called me afterwards that night. 


    We carried on. Yet, there were a couple of times when I warned him "I'm not the woman you play with. I'm no joke." And I was dead serious! 


    We carried on. To make a long, long story short, I had enough. The phone calls changed in that I was finding myself doing most of the work. Oh wait. One time he wanted me to do something for which I agreed. But he wanted it done that day and time which I was not prepared to do. So I told him I'll do it "tomorrow or Saturday." It wasn't good enough for he asked "why can't you do it now." Knowing if I told him the real reason, it'll start a World War 3, I said "because I'm going out." OMG! He BARKED "WHERE ARE YOU GOING"!!? I couldn't believe it! Ok. We got through that. Prior to that, I when we talked about something, and I needed clarification, he'll say "we already talked about that, I don't see a need to discuss it further." He was controlling. I have clinical depression, so sometimes I'm not myself, and one time I revealed it. How did he handled it? When I'm not myself, he calls it "going to the moon." That's fine. So he handled it by saying "the next time you go to the moon, I'm not speaking to you. You're never hear from me again." So that same day when I wanted to talk more about our problem, he said "I'm not talking to you again." Huh? I felt he was pushing me up against the wall. So I said "You don't want to talk to me again?" Fine! Goodbye!" and I hung up. He called twice that day, I refused to answer. The next day he called, this time leaving an apology voicemail. I was touched, so we made up.

    But thongs got back to normal, with him going missing in action at times, with a few tidbit information, for instance, with him sharing about other women, my favorite "she said she's developing feelings for me." My girlfriends tried to tell me this woman is not real. But I felt even if she's not real, why would he put her in my face? It surely did not me feel secure. Then, once again, he goes missing in action. I'm calling, worried. 


    Finally, I'very had it! I texted him "I'm done with you, etc" OMG! For someone who couldn't, didn't find the time to call, and with a woman who's "developing feelings for me" he sure found the time then!!!! That night he called me five, yes I said 5, times in one night, one after the other, the same night I pulled the plug! I have no idea what he wanted because I refused to answer. Didn't I tell him "I'm not the woman to play with, that I'm no joke"? I sure did! 


    No I won't deny it hurt me, a lot. I cried and cried and cried!!! I didn't want to, not really. But I did at the same time because I needed peace. Peace in my mind, my heart. There are times, even now when I feel sooo sad, depressed because I really loved him, and still do. I miss him. I miss his voice, etc.

    But I'll be okay. Oh and by the way, he's has two divorces under his belt, he's "looking for a wife." He feels the reason he hasn't found one is because "god must be punishing me for what I did to my wives." Whatever. Before me, he "talked to other women but nothing happened." Guess what? According to him by way of counting, I'm woman number 6 that he lost, including his two wives. 

    Thanks for listening. 








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