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恋しいのうめ

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恋しいのうめ last won the day on October 3 2016

恋しいのうめ had the most liked content!

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About 恋しいのうめ

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    Proud New Mother

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    Female
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    California

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  1. Getting Divorced

    Thank you Serendipity! I'm glad I was able to make your day, hope yours gets better! I doubt our families would be able to speak to us kindly, that's just the way they are. I don't keep in touch with my immediate family since we had a falling out, it's my husband's mother that I worry about. His sister can at least be civil but I don't think his mother will ever be understanding. She was hurt pretty bad by the news and the women in our family can definitely hold grudges. I'll leave communications with her to my husband. I will have to stay strong for my family as my husband will be hurting from this for quite a while. I will definitely keep everyone's advice in mind.
  2. Getting Divorced

    Thanks KC! His sister isn't supportive but she talked some sense into my husband so we're not divorcing. We are still moving up north in a few months so we don't run into our family anywhere and for my husband's schooling. She did say that we are cruel for involving his mother and having our son because he won't have grandparents or family like a normal child is entitled to have. But I'd rather have my son surrounded by people that love him than his blood related family that would scorn him.
  3. need advice with my girlfriend my first cousin

    The possibility of having children with a genetic disorder is only 2-4% higher than regular couples. That risk is nore likely if consanguineous marriages run through your family. If you two have pretty healthy families you should be good. It is possible to have healthy children with your cousin, my husband and I did it! I can understand your fear of her leaving you and never coming back. If her affection has changed, maybe some distance will get her to realize her feelings. She may come back to you or she may not. My husband and I had a period like this when we were younger. It took 3 years apart to realize we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. If she doesn't come back to you would you be able to move on?
  4. need advice with my girlfriend my first cousin

    As a Filipino living in the US I can understand your situation. You mentioned it is a long distance relationship. Is it because the both of you live in separate provinces? Since you both are still so young I would hold off on any efforts to be together until she graduates college, has a job, and the both of you financially independent from your families. If the two of you want to get married legally get out of the Philippines and in a country that supports cousin marriage. This is something you can research while she is still in school in the meantime. As for your parents if in your gut you think they will not accept your relationship no matter what you say to them, DO NOT TELL THEM!!! We made that mistake with my husband's mother and she preferred not to know and that when news of our relationship comes around to the rest of our family she wishes she will be already dead. The both of you can just separate yourselves quietly from your families to go off and be together. I know it will be tough that you won't be able to see or speak with your families but, believe me, it's for the best. If the both of you want to have children, seek genetic counseling. While the both of you are still close to your families, ask around and see if you have histories of genetic diseases within your families. Any information you get will be of great help for the genetic counselor. Get screened to see if either of you are carriers of any diseases. My husband and I did this while I was pregnant with my son but we are definitely going to do more thorough testing before we decide to have another child. Be sure you have a good support system wherever you are before you decide to have children, you will both definitely need it. I wish you the best of luck in your relationship and keep us posted.
  5. Getting Divorced

    I honestly don't think she will be supportive but at the very least his mother will have someone to talk to about the situation. That is his aim for now until we decide what to do.
  6. Getting Divorced

    Serendipity and KC, I understand the both of you don't mean to sound harsh and really do care. I appreciate the advice as well. Believe me, I agree that divorcing will only make our lives that much more difficult. Nothing is final yet and it was only just a plan. I just wanted to vent about it at the time. My cousin is going to talk to his sister about the whole situation today hoping to gain an ally in her. I'm not sure how much better it will make the situation considering she tried to out us before. We will find a way through this somehow and I pray to God it doesn't involve divorce.
  7. need advice with my girlfriend my first cousin

    Can you be more specific as to what the two of you want to do in the future? How is your family's stance towards your relationship? Also some background information, such as your ages and financial situations would help also.
  8. Getting Divorced

    Thanks LadyC, I appreciate the kind words. Definitely trying to stay positive by focusing on the temporary part of all this. We have a small group of friends that are supportive of us and our relationship. That's why they were upset when we told them we were getting divorced, even if it's temporary. I think I should be fine with them around. Filipinos are very superstitious so hurting his mom was what we call busong for us. It's sort of like karma and my cousin definitely believes it. Me I'm just being cautious because of the accident. They also view divorce and having children out of wedlock as a bad thing also. Fortunately my parents don't know about any of this, I've been out of contact with them for 3 years. I've also separated myself from the family but my cousin hasn't yet. Once the divorce is final that's when he'll separate from the family, including his mom. I'm just ready for the fresh start together when we move up north. I hope the time apart will pass quickly.
  9. Getting Divorced

    My cousin got a chance to properly speak with his mother about our marriage and son. She continues to blame me for everything that happened (ruining lives, families, etc. I don't blame her since both me and my cousin are responsible for ruining our family.) and she thinks I'm evil. She badmouthed me to my cousin and she hoped we didn't give our son his last name (we did). She now looks at babies with sadness instead of joy. Her solution is for us to get a divorce, change our son's last name to my maiden name, leave me and our son, and move on with his life. All to save her reputation within our family and his. So we're doing exactly that. We're getting a divorce to put her at peace (we're not changing our son's name though). Filial piety and reputation are very important in the Filipino culture so we are preserving those things for her. We hope this will partially stop the nasty chain of events that have been happening (my son and I were in an accident a few days ago, my car was totalled but we are both alright) because we hurt her. We hope with this move she will be somewhat happy. My cousin will give her a copy of the divorce papers and walk out of her life forever. We're only doing this to prove a point and to preserve her sanity. Our relationship is not truly over though. We'll make it so we look like we're truly divorced by living in separate places after the lease ends on our current place and him visiting us from time ro time. As long as we live near our family we have to look like we are. However, we're both going to save up so we can move further up north and get remarried (hopefully an actual one instead of a courthouse ceremony) in a year. At that point we'll give our family the middle finger and leave. Even though we have a solid plan I just hate that it involves us getting a divorce. I hate that our son won't be able to see his father everyday at such a young age, even if it's only temporary. It kills me that I have to live as a single unwed mother for a while to make his mother happy. I hate how we have to sacrifice our happiness for tradition and cultural values. I know he hates it as much as I do, but we have been selfish so we have to make sacrifices. I don't expect anyone to understand our reasons for doing this, even our friends don't fully understand it. I don't want anyone calling my cousin a mama's boy or not strong enough to handle a relationship with me. I just wanted to vent or maybe get some advice on the divorce process and living alone with an infant.
  10. Finally Living as a Couple 💕

    That's great you guys! Congrats!
  11. My husband/cousin says your cousin is a shriveled appendage. Dump him and move on asap. You deserve better than this guy.
  12. I'm just wondering

    I thought so too but I still wanted to give my 2 cents lol.
  13. I'm just wondering

    Go to genetic counseling and research both your family histories of diseases. My husband, who is my first cousin, and I have a healthy and normal son together. Plenty of members have also had healthy children with their cousins also. The risk of first cousins having children together are only 2%-4% higher than non-related couples. That risk increases if previous consanguineous marriages were present in either of your families. Don't listen to everyone! It is possible to have healthy children, just be smart and do your research!
  14. Worried that I am going to lose him

    Oops I failed to reread the first part of your post. I blame sleep deprivation and new motherhood. Sorry! I understand what you are going through as my husband and I are currently going through the aftermath of the worst case scenario in this situation. My husband told his mother about me and our son and she did not take it well at all. We are just staying strong for our son and taking refuge in each other. I'm not sure what the laws are regarding cousin marriages in South Africa or how your culture is like, but it seems like you guys come from a conservative family. If your cousin really loves you he will stand his ground and stay by you. Show your cousin this site and gather all evidence from both sides of the argument regarding cousin relationships before telling your families. If they don't take it well at all at least the both of you are able to move somewhere far to get away from the negativity. The both of you will just have to get over it and take refuge in each other. Tell each other how much you love each other and how the battle you are fighting together is worth the pain of family disapproval.
  15. Western media potrays cousin relationships as a sick joke and they are hardly shown at all. The public focuses too much on the ick factor and the potential genetic defects within offspring produced by cousin couples. Even my medical record shows my marriage to my cousin as an ongoing health issue. I don't think the Western world is becoming more accepting of cousin couples. It would be legal in more states if it was!
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