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ForYou

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  1. I recently left my boyfriend of 3+ years after borderline emotional abuse. Recently, I found out he hacked me months ago to retrieve my password for my email addresses to spy on me up until last week, where I dumped his sorry behind and took every possible measure to secure my accounts. I've mentioned him in an earlier post, and would like to thank everyone who helped me FINALLY come to my senses. I've been (ex)-boyfriend free for almost a week and though its a little tough to get adjusted to not having someone always with you, I'm glad I left later than never. I'm taking this time to work on myself, and to think about the only thing that I've only ever truly loved and felt trusted with: my cousin. He and I had a relationship, in which I left him for the mess-of-an-ex I just dumped, since at the time I was scared of cousin-relationships and the pains of long-distance relationships. Boy oh boy, do I regret that now. I'm working hard to save money to get a plane ticket to see him, even if for a week. I'm going to explain how careless I was, and tell him everything that's happened so far, in addition to how I never stopped loving him and only loved him more. Has anyone won over, or won back, their cousin? What did you do? Did it work out? Thank you so much for sharing!!
  2. I agree with Closetomydream in terms of talking with her and telling her how you feel. You've been holding those feelings inside for a long while, and the boyfriend she found is relatively new, so you won't be doing much to her and her new beau since the foundation of the relationship isn't quite there yet I would assume. I can tell you from personal experience that I've been in her shoes, and I was with someone when my cousin approached me and showed his feelings. It was the best experience of my life, and I left my boyfriend promptly thereafter. Despite my cousin and I having separate issues later on and are currently not together, I hope to win him over...all because he took that first step (while I was with someone). He had the same concerns you did, and because I secretly shared those feelings, it worked out. However, only you can judge if you think she will respond positively. As with anything, you know there could be risks associated with opening up completely. If she doesn't return those feelings, there is a chance your relationship could be strained as a result of your "confession". Still, gently easing into that conversation is always an option to gauge where she stands. I hope everything works out, and be sure to update us!
  3. Ever had two cousins share feelings with you?

    Hi Secretbesties, I think the brother of first cousin has a strange predicament with you... and it's definitely not because he's also related to you. He's married! I think the flirtations and the admitting of attraction is something you should talk to him about. You've already mentioned that you're in a happy relationship, and there's no real need for any of that stuff to surface. You have a good friendship after your relationship ended with your cousin, and his brother has a wife. I think letting hints pass by could potentially cause ...well, undesirable results. I have had two cousins interested in me at a time, and I love/loved only one. The cousin that I had no feelings for eventually stopped when the affection was not returned and it was hinted at that he should stop. Love is a great thing, and even better when it causes few problems. I hope all is well, and wish you the best. Keep us updated!
  4. In love with my second cousin, but I am the other woman

    You mentioned that you fell "completely in love and want no one else" and that he "shares your feelings". If he did not leave his current girlfriend, he does not share those feelings for you. He wants someone else, because he IS with someone else. Regardless of you and he being cousins, he can leave his girlfriend and just be with you without having to tell anyone. Many couples here choose to take that option because of their commitment. My gut feeling says that he's toying around because he can. Don't let him fool you since it looks like he has no intention of being with you. Him being intimate with you does not validate any feelings, especially since it seems he has not been able to back them up for over half a year since you two started. He is still with someone, and you're still the other woman. It's easy to talk, but harder to prove. He always had the option of keeping yours and his relationship a secret if he wanted to. My suggestion is you either go your separate ways, or have him immediately leave his current girlfriend for you since, I assume, he says he cares for you enough to be intimate with you. Hope all goes well, and I wish you the best!
  5. Welcome to the community Colin. As Nessa mentioned, it takes guts to admit feelings to your cousin. And there are suggestions to help you with this throughout the forum. Of course, it doesn't make it any easier, but if you take that chance and you know where you stand, the worries should fade. Your cousin may feel the same about you as you do about her, shyness and all. And if it isn't meant to be, then you have a support group here at the forum to help you cope. Knowing is the first step to managing, and I think that's something you need right now. Remember, you've been thinking about your feelings for quite a while. Your cousin may not expect you to pour out all your emotions. Hint by hint, both you and she will find a place of understanding. Taking a first step is hard, but you're not alone. Warm regards to you both, and the best of luck!
  6. Hi Unconditional, I'm going to be very honest with you in regards to your post. I just don't get a very good vibe from your story. There are a few reasons why: - I know you and she used to argue a lot, but her calling it "incest" and calling you a "pervert" is something that I feel should be out-of-bounds in this type of relationship, especially if you two cared for each other. Pick and poke at each other in different ways, but to use those words heavily undermine her own feelings from where I stand. Also, she said to you recently she can't feel that way about family. Even though you may get her physically excited, that's not what you want for the basis of a relationship. When the physical attraction dies down, there won't be anything of substance left. Sex is not your "entry" into a healthy relationship. You said, "How can I get up the nerve to seduce her because I know that's what she wants and is frustrated with me for not doing it." My gut says you may be wrong on how far you're taking that assumption. Maybe she does want the seduction, but past that... I'm not so sure. - It seems oddly coincidental that she comes to you during low points in her life and then loses you once she gets on her feet (or situations change enough for her not to need you). Forgive my skepticism, but that doesn't seem right to me. It's a beautiful thing to love someone, and want to care for their children. However based on what you said, I think you feel the physical aspect is the solution to this. You haven't mentioned anything about trying to win her heart, or showing her that she can trust you. You've confessed your love, but then you continue that by feeling her up. It just seems like something you may want to step back from a little, especially since it seems she changed (or at least partially changed) her mind about having a cousin-relationship. I also think you should step back and try to clear your mind for your own sake. Cut off contact and focus on yourself. I commend you wanting to support and help her, but I think both you and she (long-term) could possibly be unhappy. I also think if you've attempted suicide, you should talk to a professional about your concerns and feelings. Life is too short and too beautiful for you to waste it. There's that saying.."'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." Knowing you cared for her is something you should be proud of. But at the same time, you must not give up because of her; she's entitled to her own feelings just as you are. I strongly recommend you should speak to someone at a counseling center for your emotional concerns. I have, and it honestly does help. If that's not do-able, talk to a friend, anyone. You're not alone. If you have any dark feelings again, I'll just share the hotline you should call (U.S.): 1 (800) 273-8255 --- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Be well, and I wish you the best.
  7. Hi Shayna, I think it's possible his confusion/reaction is the fact that everything stemmed from a drunken night. Prior to you and he drinking during your recent stay, everything you mentioned could easily happen between friends, or just as innocent flirtations. You mentioned he had a girlfriend of 2 years, which is a good indicator of why he's reacting that way. He could be feeling incredibly guilty and confused. You and he don't see each other often, and he had already someone in his life. I know it's bothersome to you that this all happened, especially because you have feelings for him, but what he is feeling is probably worse. Even though the situation with his girlfriend is "bad," it doesn't mean she's insignificant or not there. It also doesn't mean he can't feel uneasy for sleeping with you (especially if not emotionally equipped). He made his choice. Was it a mistake? Did it give him a new perspective? That's for him to decide. But give the opportunity to decide. Give him the time and space to recoup his thoughts and see where he takes his life. If, after a long enough while, you still feel you need to have closure, you can reach out to him and see what happens. I think the leg touching and hug/kiss on the cheek afterwards is nothing substantial to be perfectly honest. From what you said, it was pretty clear he wasn't in any romantic state of mind. I know you may cling onto hope and worry, but you can't fight his demons for him. If it's meant to happen, it will. Just give him the space he needs to sort out his own problems before you express your own to him. I've always found it helpful to go through the forum when I feel worried or confused. It soothes my thoughts a bit, and makes me realize there's a ton of people with these types of problems (and eventually they all get sorted out). I wish you all the best!
  8. I would be willing to shout until my lungs collapse. It would be difficult, especially with family, but I realized that no one will be happy for me unless I feel it myself. I won't sacrifice more than I already have for the sake of pleasing someone else.
  9. Recently, my second cousin (who's relationship with me has failed terribly) lost his grandmother to a stroke. After shock hit, and exhaustion took a toll on everyone, my family began to send their condolences to him and his immediate relatives. Because they live overseas, condolences were sent though Instant Messages, emails, and telephone calls. I, however, sent none to my loved cousin (but I did to his brother [who knows nothing of the relationship], and extended them to the rest of his family). I feel like a terrible person for not doing so. Losing someone who has lived with you all your life is devastating, and he's already experienced more grief than he should at a young age. I feared reaching out to him for sake of argument between us, or cold silence that would stir up nothing but bad emotions on both ends. The last I heard of him, he said he would never speak to me again, not even if I was on my knees begging for it. I broke his heart by not being able to be the strong-willed woman I thought I could. I talked of beautiful times ahead of us, but could not pull through. I, at the time, could not get over the issues of confessing my cousin-love to my family, or the issues of being separated by the sea with no real plan in mind. I left him shattered, along with his hopes, respect for me, and any lines of communication. I've loved him all my life, and continue to do so from a distance. I have not heard from him in 2-3 years, but I plan on visiting my overseas family soon (and him, as consequence). I am currently in my early 20s, and he in his mid/late. I didn't want to cause him more pain by reminding him I exist, because I want to believe he's moved on. I have greatly paid for my wrongdoing to him (as karma taught me very valuable lessons), but I still feel forever in debt to him for causing him such hurt. Was I a monster for not sending my shared sorrow to him during that difficult time? Do I yet have to pay for my mistake of this? I have been haunted over and over by his memory and thoughts of guilt. I need the truth.
  10. I'd like to express my gratitude to everyone on this website for creating a community that helps us openly and shamelessly express our thoughts, fears, and innermost hopes. Regardless of whether you lurk or actively post, I think the positive effects of this forum is incredible. People come to learn, to relieve their worries, and to just check in to see how others are working through their issues. I am so very grateful to each and every person on this site, and I feel that the good this website creates should be acknowledged. I personally don't know if my own cousin relationship will work, but I do know that this is the place I come to for relief and (to) support whenever I become anxious. And I believe many people here feel that way. Knowing you're not alone is one of the best feelings in this world. Thank you, again, all of you CousinCouples members (especially founder and administrators). I welcome anyone to share their thoughts and feelings. Keep the love goin'! :azn:
  11. Need Advice Moving Forward

    Hi all, I'm 22 years of age and my life has slowly begun turning into shambles. I want to know what your opinions are as to my next approach. My (now-ex) boyfriend broke up with me after a 2.5 year intense relationship. We still talk on occasion because its hard for either of us to go cold-turkey. We broke up because of many differences, pertaining to lifestyles and how we could have potentially raised our kids. I brought these issues up to him, and he pulled the trigger on ending the relationship. It is still very difficult, despite the fact he used to constantly compare me to a "dirty wh***" and a slew of other terrible things. The relationship was dysfunctional but it began to straighten out once he realized how flawed he was. I used to rely on him for support. My mother was diagnosed with cancer and he has been there for me throughout. Now that we are ending this relationship, he still wants to be here for me but I'm wondering if that's fair since I think about my cousin so much. Should I move onto greener pastures (my cousin) and lose more contact with him as quickly as possible, even though my ex will be there for me? My cousin, whom I've previously been in a relationship with (but broken up because I was not mature enough to handle it), lives across the ocean and I see him every 2 years. He may come live in the USA after he is done with schooling, but there are no guarantees. He's been on my mind ever since we broke off all contact (and vowed he would never speak to me again). I miss him dearly but I have so many worries. Is it right, after all this time, to reach my cousin and talk to him? Or should I respect his firm decision to never speak to me again. He does talk to my brother via Facebook occasionally but I am never, ever brought up. (My brother does not know of anything). In any of your experiences, is a long-distance relationship emotionally fulfilling? I have many difficult situations in my life, and I find coping is the best with a significant other being physically there to hug me. Is this comfort still possible if they are so far away? Is it right that I express all of my emotions to him regarding my mother? Is that fair to him? Should I even bother trying to reach out to my cousin and bring back a flame? We have only been in an "official" relationship with each other for a few months (despite years of care and affection) and did not have ANY real-life problems since all of our correspondences were through the computer. Is a leap of faith best? Or is it just not worth it? I know he used to love me dearly, and us breaking up was devastating. He is the most amazing man I've ever met, and I believe he knows I feel that. From what I understand, since 2 years ago, he has not dated anyone else. I'm honestly suffering without talking to him, even as a cousin. I just don't want to be selfish. What should I do? I really am very lost. Thank you so, so much for listening.
  12. Retrieving Old Posts

    Oh boy. Thank you for the info.
  13. Retrieving Old Posts

    Hi! I have a general question regarding looking at old posts you have made. When I first started my account, I posted in the Help/Advice section. I cannot seem to find the original thread anywhere, including under my profile settings and specified search. Would anyone know how to go about this? Any help is welcomed and appreciated. Thank you!
  14. I don't know what to do.

    Not a problem. I hope you're doing better.
  15. intro...long and mostly unrequited story

    Hi Navywife, I loved reading your recollection throughout, as if I went through the journey with you. No matter what has happened, you two still managed to keep an open line of communication (or at least, as of late when you spoke during the evenings). Even if nothing came to fruition, you will have memories to hold onto. I wish you the best of luck in the future. Your cousin is lucky to have someone love him as effortlessly and deeply as you.
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