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  1. Bluebird15

    Cousin Marriage and the Supreme Court

    When I read what the court stated I can't help but think about cousin marriage. On Facebook I see people post comments such as "what a great victory" and "marriage equality" but that isn't true. This is is just an opinion of mine so Im sorry if this offends anyone.
  2. Bluebird15

    A Pause and a Good Bye for Now

    Hi! For all of you who care for an update...here it is. Many things happened between us and half of it was heart breaking. I want to write everything down but I wont. I just want to say that we are sill in love. We aren't together as in boyfriend and girlfriend because of a good reason. There was a point when we decided to break it off for good but after a few days he reached out to me and since then he changed. It's like he finally allowed himself to express his true feelings. Anywho good luck to all of you and god bless.
  3. Bluebird15


    Hello Josh, I can't really offer you advice but prayers. You can say that I'm in a similar situation except my cousin knows about my feelings. He feels the same for me, which i thank God everyday, but we are dating. As a apostolic Christian he cannot date. When the time is right, he plans to court me. Seems a little old fashion but my cousin is striving to become a man of God. The fact that he loves Christ so much is a the main reason why I love him so much. Recently I've been going through a spiritual crisis but thanks to his support I haven't strayed away from Christ. Now I can't claim that I know much about scripture but I do know that is doesn't condemn cousin relationship. However, I must admit that I don't know how his church views such relationship. We haven't told anyone for the fear of retaliation. Right now we are just going to keep prayer about this and see what God has in plan for us. So take care and God Bless.
  4. Bluebird15

    A Pause and a Good Bye for Now

    Mystory, I will think long and hard about what you said. Truth be told, I want to keep fighting...but at this point its all in the hands of God. As you said, if its meant to be itll work out. Sigh, thanks I havent talked to anyone about this so its been distracting me for some time. Now I can focus on school. XD Anyways thank you for hearing me out. I sincerely hope everything between you and your cousin works out for the best.
  5. Bluebird15

    A Pause and a Good Bye for Now

    I dont really know why but I think it would be because we are cousin. Yes, he has feelings for me but like I said he resist them. I remember him saying something like he can't allow himself to act on those feelings.
  6. Bluebird15

    A Pause and a Good Bye for Now

    Aww Im sorry to hear that. Hopefully that does change. He wants to be cousins. But sometimes I think he doesn't mean it. It is like that is the only opinion we have. Like its the only thing we can be. He has a habit of saying, "I know BLANK it won't happen.." as if its impossible. I hope that makes sense.
  7. Bluebird15

    A Pause and a Good Bye for Now

    Hey everyone! Just an update. Things have been okay I guess you can say. My cousin and I finally had another talk about our situation. This talk really helped clear more things up and I found out something that I wish I hadn't sometimes. Its not bad or anything. Anyways, we talked and I basically asked him what he wants from this relationship. He wants a family relationship. Well I accepted that because I said that i'll be want he wants me to be. Whether be a cousin, a friend, or a girl. Now this is harder said then done but I thought about what making an attempt. Although its easier now because my cousin shattered all of my hope when he rejected my Valentine gift. With that rejection I decided to just give up and be his cousin. Ever since then I think I changed...became more distant maybe. Why I think that is because we talk on the phone more then we ever did before. And another thing he still calls me by an intimate nickname. (I recently started to do the same...a moment of weakness i guess) That also boggles my mind. Sigh, sometimes I think he is resisting so much that his feelings leaks out as strange as that sounds. Its like he is doing his best in keeping it "family" and I try too but those moments of affections just throw me off. Any comments or suggestions are great because Im going to see him soon. Thanks! P.S. Mystory...wow that made me cry more because I was just about to post this when I saw your comment. Thanks so much...its just so hard...sometimes I just want to end it all....but thank you so much for reminding me that other people are going through something similar. I will smile and keep on swimming!
  8. Bluebird15

    A Pause and a Good Bye for Now

    An update. Im not sure where to start so I apologize ahead of time. Well a week after writing my last post I visited my cousin and we talked about us. I can say that it was hard to talk about "us" because he made it clear to me via text that we wouldn't work. Although the talk was difficult, we cleared some issues. In the end we decided to develop our family relationship and nothing else. (I hope that made sense XD) So we stopped calling each other intimate names and attempted to move toward a different type of relationship. BUT...that didn't last. The last time I saw him we cuddled. He held me tight and I did the same. Both of us not saying a word. It was sweet. Now where are we now? I am not sure. Once again my cousin and I have to have another talk. When will this be? Well hopefully soon! Until then, I am just going to keep focusing on school and go with the flow.
  9. Bluebird15

    A Pause and a Good Bye for Now

    Warning I am going to vent a bit so please bear with me. Okay so I contacted him after telling myself that I wouldn't. Afterwards we had a brief talk about "us" and he admitted that we would work if we weren't related. What I got from this talk was pretty much that there is nothing left. By nothing I mean the presence of the man I fell in love with. For weeks I have been the one to send the first text and it makes me feel so empty. I know he told me he changed but I didn't realized how much. It is like he forgot everything and left me hanging. Now...now im just hopeless. Now Im just mourning for my shattered heart and my love. Now I am crying out all the misery, all the dreams, and all the love i have in me. Its hard and Im sorry if I sound really depress. I just need a place to express my feelings then Ill feel better. Ill learn to smile again. I know I will. I have other things to do. Its time for me to start thinking about my education and my religion more. He turned his back and walked away from my love, from "us". I became stuck to the spot we both shared but well now im unstuck. Time to move on with life. Time to trust God with all of my sadness and love.
  10. Bluebird15

    A Pause and a Good Bye for Now

    Thanks Emily and Im sorry to hear that your in a similar situation. Yesterday I decided to cut off the communication. It was late at night so I texted him a brief message. Not my style but I couldn't wait till the morning. Sigh, so far he hasn't texted back anything. Also, I think Im going to refrain myself from coming to this website and just focus all of my energy on school. But thanks to everyone who has commented and read this. Thanks CC.
  11. Bluebird15

    A Pause and a Good Bye for Now

    Just to update. Don't know if anyone is reading this but eh I need to vent. XD So its been more then two weeks and things between us are strange. I cant really explain how strange, its like we talk but superficially. He just completely stopped calling me certain nicknames and saying affectionate things. Its like he completely threw away all his feelings that he had for me. I feel like we are back to square one again. For example, I cant call him by the usual name that I do. I can't say I love him. I can't be or say anything affectionate because now I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I''ll be rejected. We still text everyday like I still text him good morning and wish him a good day. Also, he does ask me how I am and how my day was. Although yesterday was the first time he didn't respond to my texts and I thought it was over. I sent it in the morning and throughout the day I was in shock and sad but then he sent me a goodnight text. I looked at it, said goodnight and also asked if he got my messages. He said yes but sorry because he fell asleep and then forgot. My responds was cold and he immediately asked if i was mad with a sad face. I lied and said no and returned to my usual tone. I wished him a good night and that was that. I don't know what we are doing now. Sometimes I get the feeling that he is just running away from this. I am willing to be patient and just continue on with this "friendship" because I want to be there for him. It just pains me to know that we took 8 steps back. Thinking back now, things were hard when I kept my love for him hidden. Now its a totally different. More difficult. Sigh, this may be a foolish thought but I still have hope. I hope that one day he'll give us a chance again and I'll be patient. I'll suffer in silence if I have to. However if he doesn't respond then I am willing to just stay alone. But honestly Im just leaving it all to the hands of God. Whatever God chooses, I will humbly accept. Anyways sorry for the rant and thanks for all of those who read this.
  12. Bluebird15

    A Pause and a Good Bye for Now

    Well we both live with our parents, 20, and in college. He works at night and we don't really live far away from each other. Wow just writing this down makes me realize that maybe it's not the right time. He just has so much gong on and I...I just asking too much.
  13. Bluebird15

    A Pause and a Good Bye for Now

    I think the same. I wish my cousin realized this too. Im not sure what to do with his wihtdrawal but Dkg do you think it would be if I just let him do his own thing? He is the first guy to ever get to me and I don't know how to deal with guys in he first place. Maybe I should just let it go...for his sake and for mine.
  14. Bluebird15

    A Pause and a Good Bye for Now

    Thanks Dkg. At first when he broke it off, I didn't handle very well but I kind of became aware that it could happen again. Although this time I beat him to the punch because I knew he wasn't feeling "us". Don't know if that made sense...but anyways I totally feel the same. I just want him to be happy and wish him the best in life. Dkg I don't know your whole story but I hope your cousin comes around one of these days. I have faith that both of our cousins will...
  15. Bluebird15

    A Pause and a Good Bye for Now

    Yeah it was hard. I remember being told here that communication is important and I didn't want us to drift apart. Sigh, I wish it was easy too but I knew it was going to be hard the moment I realized my feelings for him. Yes, I told someone. The only person that knows is my best friend and she completely supports me but I don't want to tell her we "broke up" because it hasn't been long. Other then her, none of my family members know and Im planning on keeping that way. Until then, him and me are just texting each other but not like we used to.