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Heartforever

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  1. I have read your post a couple of times understanding how you feel and trying to think of what to say. You are hurt, probably angry and a little confused. It does get better over time. The feeling does not go away and once in a while you question why does it have to be like this. But if you do love your cousin you have to let her go. She isn't a bad person, just scared and not strong enough. Some people just aren't risk takers and pushing will not change that. Take time away from any contact with her for yourself, to mourn your loss and just so you don't drive yourself crazy. Don't push yourself into dating someone else to soon to get her out of your mind. I went down that track and just ended up hurting a couple of terrific guys. Join a singles events group in your area, try outings on things you like to do or try something new. My cousin could not and can not come to terms with us. I love him dearly. But I would rather see him happy. It took me between 3-4 yrs before I could talk to him again. But I have my best friend back, my rock, the keeper of my secrets and the one person in this world who has understood me since we were little kids. Now it is just platonic. Yes, when he dates it drives me crazy and I am jealous. I am still working on that piece. I am confident that you will get there too.
  2. There is no certainty in feelings of the heart, whether it is your cousin or someone you met on the street. I am speaking from personal experience and waiting 30 yrs to confess my feelings to my cousin. It did not turn out the way I wanted. I have even come to realize with some self reflection that I have let my feelings for him affect relationships I could have had. The difference with not saying anything is your cousin is going to be in your life whereas the person on the street won't be constantly walking into your life. So therefore not saying anything can be a constant internal torture. The most important thing I have experienced at Cousin Couples is that I am not alone and there are people who understand where I have been and where I am coming from.
  3. Thank you Lady C for resetting my username and password.
  4. I came to this website back in 2012 and after reading everyone's stories I decided to tell my cousin how I felt, lets just say it didn't turn out the way I had hoped. I took a long break and have tried dating again, but I feel like I compare everyone to him. A little on my background.... My crush on my cousin started 30 yrs ago. He is my mothers cousin but close to my age. It started with peck kisses as small children that everyone thought was cute. When I was 11 and he was 13 he gave me my first French kiss. First time we had sex was at 15 and then again in college. He got married a year after our last encounter, I didn't not go to the wedding because I was heartbroken. We would see each other at family functions but it was always weird unless we were alone talking. Now we are in our 30's I went to see him and we ended up going to the bars after dinner. A couple of guys at the bar apologized for ******* my boyfriend off. He was acting jealous and overbearing. We ended up getting into a fight at the bar and leaving. He kept telling me how watching those guys flirt with me and dance with me was driving him crazy and he didn't want any of them touching me. We ended up sleeping together that night and again the next morning. It felt like home and everything came rushing back, the feelings of total love and being whole. (I never felt like this with my ex-husband or any man I have ever tried to date.) A year after our last encounter he got engaged, we never talked about our feelings before so I decided to tell him how I felt. I told him I loved him and could not go to his wedding. I wanted him to try to understand why I could not go to his wedding. (unknow to me at the time he had just gotten into a fight with his fiancé because she didn't want me to come to the wedding) He asked if something happened in my life to make me feel this way. He said he loved me like a cousin but was not in love with me. He told me that it was a sexual attraction and nothing more. He said if his mother ever found out it would kill her. I was devastated am still devastated even 4 years later. We can now talk without me wanting to burst into tears. But he does not want to be anywhere near me if we are alone. He says he is too attracted to me and can't control himself. He ended up not getting married, I don't know why it is not something we have talked about. But he keeps wanting to talk about us together physically and how perfect we are in that area. But he never wants to talk about emotions. To this day I am so confused. Did he ever love me or did he use me? Why does he get so jealous that others in public think they are ******* off my boyfriend if he doesn't care? Will I ever get over him when I have spent the last 30 yrs loving him?
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