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Everything posted by pooch

  1. Ay ang galing naman..proud mom si ate.. hehe😄 Ilang taon na sila ate? Si hubby mo ate, mas open in public na po ba sa sitasyon ninyo? Pooch
  2. Uy! Eto, okay naman.. going steady. Hehe. Ikaw? Pooch
  3. Lumaban ba siya? Pooch
  4. pooch

    Early stages of a possible relationship

    Who are the important people that you feel you should know or you care that they know? Of course, first thing is her parents...but other than that, are there any others? I wish you the all the best. Pooch
  5. Yep. But then what do you think they should do? Know what I mean? Act not normal? They have their own lives too and issues and stuff. Or do you want them to just shut up basically and just leave you alone? What would you rather have them do? It goes both ways. The point is that either which, relationships are strained and it is difficult for huge lacerations to be cured by mere band-aids. lol. I suggest to get outta a toxic environment and start fresh somewhere else. The world is small nowadays and it is not like the past wherein you are born, raised, live, retire and die on the same place. Of course it is not easy to move as there are lots of considerations. But you gotta do that as a goal that within 9-12 months, you are outta there. Know what I mean? Pooch
  6. Yes you should... and that's what I will do if I were you. Otherwise, it will be difficult for my end to move on and have a fresh start. Reset button comes from the new environment around you. Pooch
  7. pooch

    Need some advice

    Geez.. You tell me, man.. Way too strong indeed. Cousin attraction can hook you, make you do things you wouldn't do, make you go to places you wouldn't go and even make you say things you wouldn't say... Makes you fight for things you wouldn't normally fight for. Even makes you spend on things you wouldn't normally spend on. So crazy. All of that at the risk of being brokenhearted, failure, tears and heartache. lol. It is a euphoria and a rollercoaster blend into one. But as Alfred Lord Tennyson's line said, Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all, right? Soooo.. Yep. Cheers. Pooch
  8. pooch

    Need some advice

    In my experience, nope! Getting over a cousin love is next to impossible. lol. Hope everything is okay on your end, Pooch
  9. pooch

    Catholic marriage

    Wow! This is tremendously good news! I am happy for you.
  10. Well....Fair enough. I said my piece bro. I cannot add anything more. Early this year, I read in the news that there was a 15-year old boy who fell from Man Wah Building in Hongkong. The dude survived a 19-story fall. Crazy, eh? Now guess what, even though he survived, I bet $1,000,000 that if I ask you to jump from 19-story building given that this kid survived the fall, you will say to me, "Pooch get the hell outta here".. ? Now here's my point: If you want to risk your heart, your affection, your tears, your money, your time, your effort, your masculinity, your love, your ego, and your pride to this 0.01% chance, it's all on you bro... It's all on you. Not on the girl. Not on me, Pooch. Not on God. Not on any prophet. Not on anybody... It's gonna be all on you. You will come back to this thread and I will tell you after you are back here licking your wounds, "I told you so".... Pooch
  11. Oh my oh my.. You are in trouble bro.. Prepare for a heartache. So here's how I see it bro: You are in LDR, with a girlfriend of less than 5 years, she being in her early 30s looking for a man, about 10 years age gap, you haven't have your life together (yet), her being your cousin, and family disapproves potentially. You have been together for two years. I suggest you should stop this relationship bro. Do you see yourself marrying this girl? Maybe you do...but she doesn't. She does not love you bro. Dang, I really hate saying to a guy that the girl she loves does not love him coz that hurts...it really hurts. I mean, if she loves you, she will say something like, "Do I have a future with you?" or "What about us?" or "How can I help (in investing) in this relationship?" or "I want to go back to Pakistan" or "I will arrange a visa for you to come here in US" or anything along those lines.... But what do I hear? Let's just be freaking friends.. What the freaking hell dude. Ouch. You see, when you said this, Well... Maybe. But the jury is still out. I would even say that I only believe her 30%. The answer "she believes no one else can love her the way I do" is only true 30%. Mark that. The jury is still out. I mean, you say that she is early 30 right? Say a doctor or a lawyer approached her at work or something and introduced himself. A guy with a 6-figure income looking like Fawad Khan or Imran Abbas or any combination of those. Dude, you got no chance. None. By the way, what does your friends say? She will definitely reconsider things even though she won't admit it. She will say that she loves you (of course this is true because she does not hate you but it does not mean she still likes you like 2 years ago when you guys both hit it off you know...?) but at the back of her mind, she wants to get rid of you bro.. Ouch. Well, probably not "get rid off" because that's way to harsh.. Just you know, she would want that you don't love her anymore and chase her and be all of that and stuff. I bet that if she founds out that you are seeing other girls, or cheated or whatnot, she will even be happier (to some extent). She may hate you for 1 week but be happy for the rest of her life coz now "she is free"...You know what I'm saying? Now you said, No no no no no...... Not the way it works. There's a guy equal or greater than you bro. Your job is "put a fence around her". lol. So that there are no "bad guys" that will make moves to her. She is in her 30s and there are lots of guys circling around her like vultures. Now I may be extreme in saying this but about 2 years ago, I wouldn't even be surprised if her inbox is full from text messages from guys who want to have a date with her. It just so happened that you are the "nice guy", who lives from a different planet never to see what she is doing, and so she has you as her back up boyfriend...and there you are, giving your heart and affection to this woman who may or may not love you. I mean, everything is going in this direction. You guys are in a fight and being in LDR these fights can blow up exponentially. You know what I am saying? I have been to in one with my cousin in the period of our relationship so trust me, I know. But when your cousin-gf says this, This is game over for her bro. It just so happened that she does not hate you that's why she is not breaking up with you....yet. But it's only a matter of time. Either she will give in to some temptation and cheat on you (if she hasn't been cheating on you already) or that she will grow tired of this situation and dump you on the side. What I suggest is be a man and confront her through skype or videocam, talk for 2 hours, cry together, and end it once and for all. "Pull the plug" on this comatose relationship man...At least when you do it this way, it will be mutual...there will be no feeling of who dump who or who hurt who. You cannot change the feeling of the girl bro. Now that's my real answer. Now of course I assume a lot of things above and I believe that you know her more than I do... but come on man.. you have to admit,, that there's some truth on my post at the very least. Pooch
  12. Yes! Exactly. I love it! Jordan, I like to ask: If she does not want to get married, then why are you too concerned about it? I asked it because I translate what she said to I don't want to get married now. She admits that you have done nothing to her but love her. You have been good to her; hence, she got no reason in breaking up with you. You know what you should do? Ignore this thing with her. Just love her and do what you are doing. You don't need to convince your girlfriend, man... She's gonna be fine. lol And besides, I feel like you aren't ready to be married anyways -- even though you said that both of you guys are adults. I take that you guys are at most in your early 20s, am I right? So I mean, what's the rush!? Anyhow, good thing that you explained yourself in your post because everytime I see this My immediate theory is that she is seeing somebody else! And that she kinda want to have a safe landing before jumping ships... But having said that, and I felt that I don't think there's any third party involved here, can you confirm nonetheless that there aren't any? You see, for cousin relationships, one of the toughest of it is its normality. If your girlfriend finds that seeing other guys are more acceptable in her family and whatnot, and the other guy is equally or greater than you are, then you are in a host of trouble. I don't sense this in your post, though... but it will be good if you can confirm. TY. Pooch
  13. pooch

    What degree of cousin?

    KC, The living situation of man is pretty much different unlike today. For example, in the tribal system, people will mate the people of their own tribe. There is not much communication overseas nor travel. You are born, be raised, work, retire then die pretty much on the same vicinity. And this is parallel to childhood best friends. The neighbor whom you played hopscotch with before on the afternoons may not be your relative, distant or otherwise, not your first cousin or whatever, but because you live closeby, have sleepovers and whatnot, this childhood neighbor is part of your tribe. Seeing her everyday, you will sense some repulsion to her romantically and it will take an amount of "force" or "logic" to feel attracted to this person. It is totally different when say you go to a place and saw a girl of a different tribe....there's no force needed, immediately there's the attraction... a "love at first sight" of some sort. lol And so I think that you are right.. That is the exact same mechanism that we found a woman to be 'hot'. Of course, it is not scientifically proven and for sociology, it might just be a theory. However, if empirical stuff backs us up, then it is what it is... *shrugs* lol Pooch
  14. pooch

    What degree of cousin?

    Yep. Indeed. That's why we are not attracted to our siblings for example, or to anybody whom we grew up together...Most of the time, even childhood best friends have that sort of repulsion. I am not sure how the evolutionary model fits in this but from the point of view sociologically, it may be the case that the familiarity with the person eschews the romantic idea. Now is it the case that childhood best friends doesn't end up together? Of course that's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that the attraction is more "forced" and "logical" compared to a lady that you see the first time and you find her hot. Am I on the right track, bro? Pooch
  15. pooch

    Introduction/My story

    You are blessed that your mothers are not just in good terms but are actually close. You know, some problems regarding cousin relationships is that the parents that are siblings are enemies or don't talk to each other or some bad history happen. That kind of dynamic puts additional pressure on the cousin relationship you have because you don't want to offend your uncle/aunt (and in-law at the same time). I dunno, but in my culture, close-family ties are really a huge part of it and so when some of those relationship are strained, it puts heavy burden on the son/daughter's relationship with his/her cousin. Know what I'm saying? In my case, it is my mom and my cousin's dad who are siblings. Their relationship is not close like you but they are in good terms. I would have that neutrality and keep the balance. Pooch
  16. pooch

    What degree of cousin?

    Exactly! Who will chase after an ugly one!? ? Whether cousin or not, we chase after the pretty ones, eh? The Miss Universe ones or whatever. lol. Hooowwweeevvveerrr,, you know what though? I think the attraction happens when you guys did not grow up together. Hence, you might be incorrect KC that he will find her cute in that kind of a way generally speaking. Remember he said, The cuteness happens generally speaking when the narrative is like you guys know one another but lost in touch for 20 years or whatever...then for some reason facebook or a reunion brought you guys together,...then something clicked. Generally speaking, there is some sort of repulsion romantically to the ones we grew up together with. Pooch
  17. pooch

    Thought of sex turns me off

    I see... Porn will kill you man.. It really will. It will kill you morally, your intimacy with her and many other things.. You don't need a host of lecture about the bad consequences of that disgusting thing. But what preventive measures have you been doing so far though? You gotta save your relationship with your cousin man. If not for your cousin, for yourself! Ouch. This is a painful post, bro. I suggest you sort this out quickly man...before it's too late. Agreeing to her willingness at this point to be married is not the solution. Have you really asked her for forgiveness though? Like are you really sorry for what you did? I know that she may have forgiven you -- but it may be the case that she forgave you but you were not 100% sorry. Maybe you are just sorry 80%... You have answered my question and you said that she views you as her husband. If that's the case, then you have to be honest with her -- just as a husband is honest to his wife. Tell her your struggles as well..of your situation at present. The intimacy part, the hotness of sex and whatever may wait. I believe that you love this woman and so you would do anything for her to be happy. Suspend first your reaction of you being a possible disappointment for her. Rather, focus on what you can do for her and for her family. You must support her even though you think that you are not the right person for her. If right now, you see her as your cousin -- well, isn't it the case that she really is your cousin!? If so, what's the problem!? lol. Yeah, yeah I know that you are referring to seeing her as cousin romantically. But I do believe that your feeling will come back. It is not lost forever my friend, you know? Pooch
  18. pooch

    Thought of sex turns me off

    Lots to unpack, my friend. I kinda have the hunch that you guys aren't married yet.. I am correct. Thanks for the confirmation. You mentioned that the consequence of coming out has always put the breaks on everything -- that's true. And you have to pick your battles man. I have seen many cases wherein the cousin couples came out prematurely with very disastrous results. Very few are success stories in this kind of relationship, you know? And so personally, with me and my cousin, I am very careful. We cannot ruin this... You mentioned that about 7 years ago, it was different... but things change as time passed by and now life has been worse. Here's my take though: If you have came out 7 years ago, you would still go through this situation. Correct? What I mean is, her mom will still pass away and her aunt will be exactly the same way had you guys been married or whatnot before. The wheel of life will always roll whether you like it or not so the time difference does not matter much. What matters, I believe, and this is my opinion, is your inner feeling toward you cousin. For it seems like you now see her just as a "sister" or perhaps a best friend. Now I want you to answer this though: How does she see you though? And I want you to be honest. Okay? Does she see you as a romantic partner? Or merely as a friend? Or what? Like, what is supposed to be your direction? As a guy, we are the ones who will take care of the relationship, we steer the course and we take action, right? And so, in your estimation and feeling, how does she see you? If she sees you as anybody other than as a romantic partner, then you guys are definitely not ready -- even though she says "Let's come out!" now. She still has a lot of things to sort out in her personal family and until she is ready (in your judgment), then you guys cannot move forward. As to the bravery issue, I don't believe that you are not brave anymore. You love this lady and you will take a bullet for her, correct? It's just that you are in your lowest right now but make sure that you don't lose her. She needs you right now and you cannot leave her. She may be willing to come out but that's the least of her worries and she must understand that. What you are worried about is "the next chapter of life". Bro, forget about that for the moment. You don't even know if on the next hour you might get hit by a bus or something. Can you worry about the present?
  19. Of course it's not just about looks. But for guys, it's the first thing that is in consideration. Am I right? A guy won't be like, "Oh man, she is an awesome nuclear physicist!" Uhhh.. Nope. He will be like, "Nice curves! Or I like her smile or I like her eyes". These are the things that guys notices right away -- the outward things, the looks, the physical stuff... We are visual creatures and the natural law. When I first met my cousin, I like her smile a lot! That is outward. Now some guys get stuck on this... fortunately some doesn't. But point is: we cannot skip this part...because it is necessary. There's more to this one for sure because it is different when you say, "it is not always just about looks" from "it is absolutely not about looks" for the way you describe her, she's gaining weight, has freckles and so on and so forth...there's a counterbalance of it, you know what I'm saying? There has to be an attraction outwardly then the more you know the person, the more it develops...the more you notices that there are things within her that are pleasing and things of that sort. But we can get into that one as the conversation unfolds.. Pooch
  20. pooch

    Thought of sex turns me off

    I agree! Are you guys even married in the first place? Coz you didn't mention. Also, I think this is half-true: No she's not. lol...? Either you are lying to yourself or you want to believe this coz you love her and so you associate the attraction to love. However, you are not attracted to her. I mean, late 30s? Health problems? Family struggles? Not even having your own place? Dang bro... You love her (20 years is a long time bro!) but unfortunately not attracted to her anymore -- both are different things. The romantic part though of course I understand. For you, she is your wife (assuming that you guys are married), and that's fine. Your love to her has matured already -- but the "hrrrrnnnngggg" is gone my friend. And guess what? Surprisingly, it is understandable. It happens. You don't have to rationalize to yourself and say "She's still very attractive to me" as if she's the 18 year old Britney Spears on Hit me baby one more time MTV in the 90s. LOL. (kidding. okay, semi-kidding. you know what I mean. lol) Of course not...of course not.. And that's why you have been unfaithful to her, eh? Yeah..Yeah bro, I got ya.. i understand. Now on to the real issues: When you say years, you are saying 2 years? 3 years? 5 years? And why did not you fully come out yet? I believe that there are legit reasons of course, but what I'm really asking though is that do you really want to come out fully in the first place though? Coz perhaps you don't...Am I on the right track here, bro? Again, I would understand. Yes, she is wife material... yes she is a good woman... and yes she is probably even be like Marie Curie... But bro, I understand the reluctance of coming out to the family...coz there are tons of problems and even consequences that you still need to sort out... Pooch
  21. You know what to do my friend... you know what to do. Come on. So now that we have established that, i guess we can focus on the purpose of the thread. You said, But you guys did not grew up together, right? 20 years have gone by and that's a very long time. No sir, I dont buy what you are saying... Pooch
  22. pooch

    How does the government know?

    KC, In other words the burden of proof is on their end to prove that you guys are cousins....it is not on you to prove that you are not. However, this applies KC if for example you are an "ordinary citizen", a person working in McDonald or whatever. You know what I mean? But if you are going to be a government official, or campaign on this or that...or be somebody where there will be lots of eyes looking at you, then it might be tricky. If you got lots of frenemies, then they will rat you out or spread rumours. They might dig out your surnames or check the registry or whatever... Some people are just plain evil.. Oh well.. Pooch
  23. pooch

    Help needed

    I see... What you should do is back of a little bit. Give it a month. I know that it is hard especially that you guys see each other everyday but you gotta give her space. If you go push-push-push, she might hate you... so yeah back off a bit and in the meantime make her jealous (it kinda works!) Then try to again with her after a month.. June 18, 2018. Lets see what happens... i mean, its not like she's gonna give her pink slip already, right? Or give her two weeks notice or something? ? Pooch
  24. pooch

    Help needed

    And for how long has this been going on? You said that "she just ended it"... Do you mean yesterday? Or a week ago? Or a month ago? And during your 8 years span, has this happened only to you once? Or has it happened already before? Pooch
  25. pooch

    Help needed

    Perfect. Man, you got a keeper man.. Try to win her back if you can.... These are the ladies worth fighting for. As I read this paragraph, I am continually impressed. I like your views man. And I believe that she shares the same views like you... I mean, you guys have been together in this for 8 years after all! I wanna ask though whether she wants a family of her own. Not to you necessarily -- but just for her self. It is a selfish idea but I want to gauge whether she is thinking about it -- that is, if having a family is more important to her than her boyfriend (ie. you), if you know what I mean? You see, I do hope that you guys can work this out. I am actually "cheering" for you guys here if you still haven't noticed. I do hope that whatever she's feeling be eased out and not to be stressed because of other factors. Coz I will be honest bro. If she wants kids and a family and things like that, just like the norm in your culture, then it can be a problem. If, however, she is indifferent, then it is good. If she detest it, then better. lol. So the real question at this point then is: is she satisfied with you? And apparently, given the situation you are facing now with, she is not. So ask yourself, why is she not happy with you? We have eliminated the fact that she got other guys, we have eliminated the fact that she does not have any future with you (for you say that she has). So either you are not communicating this matter to her and she does not believe you or that there is that pressure in the family thing...with the blackmail or the internal conversation between her and her mom or something along those lines... Let me continue: It is good that money is not a problem. Perfect. You get respect from the family (people around you) and at the same time, they won't look down upon you. I know the feeling bro. Trust me. At any rate, what I am puzzled about is her comment that "we can still achieve our goals together but as cousins". This is like, "What the heck!?" You know what though, and I will be semi-serious on my following comment, okay, if you just kiss her hard and just take her (I mean in a right way or whatever but you know what I mean, right? lol) it may have changed, right? Okay, now on to a serious comment: have you asked her, "So you don't love me anymore, is that what you are saying?" Coz dude, you said, And there's a tooootal disconnect to me bro. Total disconnect. That's why I thought that she has another guy! I am confused as heck now. I see.. It seems to me that she cares for what other people think of her...especially coming from family. It is normal. My girl does not have that and I am thankful that it's the case on my end. You know what though, you gotta shield her from those comments if ever you fix this problem between the two of you and your situation with your family goes forward. Know what I mean? She seems a little more sensitive (onion-skinned) and so when those hurtful comments are thrown, make sure that she's shielded from that. I bet she cried a lot when dealing with those stuff, eh? Got it. But take it step-by-step though. You know? Remember that you haven't lost her yet... It may be a cool off period or whatever but you guys are still fine. I'm cheering for ya bro! Pooch PS: Semi-serious nevermind. You said that She has put up a good fight against amorous contact as opposed to you. Oh well... You may want to try a different angle then. Perhaps give her a thoughtful gift? You gotta make your girl smile bro...like how you make her smile before. Oh, and don't believe her that "she is acting like that coz you are cousins". No, if your intention is clear as noontime that what you want is a romantic relationship, she would know that... you may even try a "risky move" by giving a pass to another girl (perhaps a female friend who you have no attraction to at all) to make her feel jealous (just be a guy...you know what I mean, right?)