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Serendipity

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Everything posted by Serendipity

  1. Distant relationships are not easy, especially for new ones. You need to weigh lots of pros and cons to even consider going down that road. You are never going to know how he feels unless you bring it up. You can do it in a lighthearted manner so that you have an escape route if the conversation goes awry.
  2. You should leave her alone. She has a boyfriend. There is no way for us to know if you are discerning too much into these little things. If you want to test the waters you could reminiscence about the past and ask her, "Would you ever really date me if we weren't cousins?" and then see where the conversation leads
  3. They are bluffing. There is no grounds for "throwing you into a mental institute". As for the shunning - maybe they will. But you can't control their behavior. You are in a a pickle as far as financial aid goes. You can declare yourself independent from your family - if you want/can to go down that road. This is how I see things: You are willing to draw the line in the sand for a young man who is joining the military and whom you won't get to see very much over the next 4 years; you will have school obligations and he will have military obligations. If you were one of my daughter (my daughters are college age), I would advise you to stay open to dating during the college years. You are young and you have no idea what the next 4 years may bring. If this romance with your distant cousin is meant to be, it will weather the separation. But you do realize that the odds are against the two of you? I don't say that to be pessimistic - only realistic. Keeping a relationship secret is not easy and not fun. If you can avoid it, I would encourage you to do so.
  4. I know you didn't ask for this kind of advice, but I'm gonna say it anyway. Do you really want to live a life of secrecy? It will get old real quick - real quick. Are you so concerned about what others might think that you're willing to live like that? I mean think this through - holidays will be spent with family who don't love you enough to wish for your happiness. You will be giving up so very, very much for people who presumably don't want you to find love. I would think this through carefully. You won't be able to hide it for long; do you really want to?
  5. He's interested in one thing. Sex. If that's what you want, fine, but don't expect more from him. If you don't want the explicit text messages, you must tell him in very direct terms to stop. If he doesn't stop, then you know where his respect meter for you lies. Seriously, what kind of advice do you want?
  6. I'm sorry you're going through this. However, the waters have been muddied because you got involved with a married man. Separated or not, going through a divorce or not, he is still married and adult children are much more aware of this dynamic than even teenage children, You need to back way away from this man right now. Let him take care of business with his wife (even if she behaving horribly). Once the divorce is final AND things have calmed down with his children, then maybe the two of you can start again.
  7. We really don't care about your smoking habits. I'm tempted to delete those parts of this post because we have minors peruse this site and we in no way do we want to be seen as condoning that kind of behavior. You like her. She likes you. I don't see the problem. Proceed slowly and you should find out soon enough if the two of you are a good match.
  8. KC: Your response is exactly why I responded the way I did. I really think she is just trying to get under our skin
  9. Does anybody else get confused with people asking stupid questions like this?
  10. Hmmm. I don't know. Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't. I can't tell. She was quick to jump to the family tie. She turned down your offer to wait for her. I'm thinking, no. She has kids and that is her priority. Coming out of my divorce, even though I went out on dates my first year following, I didn't want a serious relationship and she may be in that exact situation following her breakup. I presume she broke up with her long term boyfriend? The father of her children?
  11. In the future Chanel, only post your question in one thread. There's no reason to post it multiple times. Sometimes it takes a day or two for folks around here to respond. And look through the information pages. Sometimes your question can be answered just by doing a little digging around here.
  12. Me likey. It looks very professional.
  13. Sorry it's been a while for this response; I've had technical difficulties with this site. I don't think you want advice, I think you want to vent.You state that you only want to be friends and at the same time say you "can't turn off an attraction". Which is it? Of course you can turn off an attraction; you stop communicating, stop talking, stop texting, and you move on. It takes time, but eventually you move on.
  14. So sorry you're going through all this. You haven't given us enough information to give you any advice. Surely there is more substantive information that you could tell us. I don't want to sound snarky, but what you've posted is something to gripe to your best friend about.
  15. But these patterns of communication are not unique to anyone. Everyone who has ever been in the dating scene has had interactions like this. EVERYONE has experienced similar confusion We deal with the patterns by completely walking away and moving on with life. You are allowing yourself to be confused by thinking that his patterns of behavior are unique to him and your situation. And you're allowing yourself to stay embroiled in what you perceive to be circumstances beyond your control. I guess I'm not really sure what kind of advice your looking for. What you are describing is typical jerk behavior. He knows you want more and so he'll go long periods without communication and then reach out to you; for what purpose? You will never be able to have open and free communication with him. I'm not sure why you would want to.
  16. You don't say a word to him. You're 14 and he's 20. And he's about to be married. And BTW, it was most inappropriate for him to give even a hint of attraction toward you. Wait 4 years and if you still have feelings for him and he is not married, come back here and we will steer you in the right direction.
  17. Right LadyC. People are very supportive of open relationships and polygamy - but mention cousins falling in love and you'd think that Florence Foster Jenkins had been nominated for a Grammy award. Ghastly!
  18. C'mom Pwitty, follow the rules of the game :wink: Using Sea Change as a starting point..... Change Purse
  19. The great thing about a child is that he doesn't care how rich, poor, educated or "together" you are. Kids just want to know the they are loved! You've been given a great gift here! Take those steps and start loving on this kiddo! You will never regret stepping up and taking responsibility for your own child - you will one day, however, regret not being a part of his life. PS - it always makes me a little crazy when the mom keeps a pregnancy from the father - you had a right to know all these years!
  20. Great pics! Thanks for sharing!
  21. Firstly, you are both married, so you need to focus on your own marriages. Secondly, you if you don't have feelings for him, you don't have feelings for him. There is no need to ever say "I love you" to him, even if you said it in a platonic setting, it would only confuse the issue. Thirdly, your post is a bit confusing, although I think I was able to get the heart of the matter from what you wrote. Who exactly is "mama"? Is mama a name for the cousin that likes you? Fourthly, I find it convenient that no one ever said a word to you about your mom's last wish until now - and he is the one to mention it. I'm not sure where you live, and maybe this is the norm where you are, but it seems odd that a mom's last wish would be that her 1 year old child would marry a particular person sometime down the road. Like I said, I don't know your culture, but as a mom myself, if I were dying and had a baby at home, I would not use my last breath to talk about who this child would one day marry. Again, maybe I don't understand the culture, but it seems odd to me that THIS is the last wish a dying mom had for her baby girl. Is it wrong to continue to talk to him? Not necessarily. But it might not be the wisest thing to do either. If he is trying to woo you away from your husband, then you need to stop talking to him. If you have no romantic feelings for him and he does, then you may be stringing him along, and giving him false hope. I would stop talking to him and focus on making my marriage stronger. I think you are walking into a hornet's nest by continuing to chat with him.
  22. You are in a pickle! You are not yet independent and are relying upon the goodness of your parents to provide for you. Even if you are contributing to household expenses, you are still a young adult who hasn't fully claimed her independence. This makes you beholden, to a great degree, to your parents. Combine that with your history as a 16 year old with this man and there is indeed a recipe for disaster here. The fact that a 23 year old man was not wise enough to wait a year or two to begin dating a teenage girl, and not only that but he abetted you in directly disobeying your parents rules when you sneaked out of the house, raises red flags for me. I am by no means saying that this is a bad deal (I really can't say one way or the other with the information you've provided), I am saying that if you were my daughter, I would be seeing red flags all over the place. From a parent's perspective, the true dilemma here is that your parents don't trust him (and maybe not you) because of your history. That's not to say that the trust can't be rebuilt, but it must be addressed. So, whether he was your cousin or just simply a guy from school/church/work/the neighborhood/wherever, that you sneaked out of the house to see and now 3 years later you are wanting to rekindle the romance - there will be issues to work through. You didn't mention if they had any issues with the fact that you are cousins; it sounds like they were "just" upset (and rightfully so) that you were sneaking out of the house to see an adult man. You also must realize that as long as you live in your parents' house, their rules will be king. Like it or not, it's their house. The fact that you have reverted back to sneaking around to see him again is only going to make things worse. You need to tell your parents or move out on your own and start making your own decisions. I would advise (take it as you see fit), that if you move out, you do not move in with this man. At least not yet. You need to establish yourself and simply date him before you make any big commitments to him. You have been experiencing a fantasy with this man - all this sneaking around has made him seem forbidden and more desirable. Slow down a little and see where things go. Let's say, for argument's sake, that you tell your parents you want to see this man and they get all upset and refuse to allow it to happen while you live with them. Are you willing to put a wedge between you and the people that are giving you shelter and food? Are you willing to possibly damage the relationship with your parents for a romance that may or may not work out? You need to think this through carefully. If you were a fully independent woman, working full time, paying all your own bills and maintaining your own house or apartment, I would tell you to follow your heart, to hell with everyone else. But you are not that. Until you are out from under your parent's roof, you will be limited in the choices you can make concerning your cousin.
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