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Serendipity

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Everything posted by Serendipity

  1. Serendipity

    Catholic marriage

    becca I'm not surprised that you received the dispensation at all. Marriages between a Catholic and a non-Catholic Christian are almost always declared valid in the eyes of the Church. And civil marriages between two Catholics is almost always recognized. As the Director of Music for the Catholic church, I've seen many marriages between two Catholics that did not include a Mass; this is often done when few, if any, of the family and friends are Catholic and it helps to relieve the awkwardness of the bride and groom being the only ones to receive communion. My concern, Like CM stated, is that the priest would not knowingly bless a marriage that he knew to be illegal in the state and thus his hands were tied. Marrying outside of your diocese is done all the time in the Catholic church. A valid Catholic marriage results from four elements: (1) the spouses are free to marry; (2) they freely exchange their consent; (3) in consenting to marry, they have the intention to marry for life, to be faithful to one another and be open to children; and (4) their consent is given in the presence of two witnesses and before a properly authorized Church minister. Exceptions to the last requirement must be approved by church authority. And obviously, older couples beyond child bearing age are not restricted from a valid Catholic marriage.
  2. Serendipity

    How was your wedding with your first cousin

    A wedding is a time for celebration. If someone isn't supportive of your relationship, don't invite them to the wedding! I married my 1st cousin two years ago. It was a very simple ceremony with only approving family members and friends there. Actually, the friends didn't know about our cousin factor because I didn't feel it was important to divulge that information. If you're worried about what others will think then you're not ready to be married. I was proud and giddy to marry the love of my life.
  3. Serendipity

    Found each other and in love

    The drama over telling our family often gets exaggerated in our minds. When I told my family, some were OK with it, some disapproved and some turned cold towards us over time. But being of a certain age (I'm 49), I really don't care about their approval. My two kids, who are now in their early 20's have been OK. The oldest was a bit disgruntled in the beginning, but has come around to acceptance. You will just have to come out and say it: "I've been dating a wonderful, delightful person who makes my heart skip a beat and gives me respect and loyalty" Don't expect any reaction, just share the joy. And don't let any drama ensue. If someone gets ridiculously upset, kiss 'em on the cheek and bid farewell for the moment. You have been given a chance at happiness and I would let everyone know that their reactions will not impede upon the pursuit of your happiness.
  4. Serendipity

    Forced To Seperate

    I'm sorry you felt compelled to separate; but nobody can force you to give up a relationship unless you give them the power to do so.
  5. Serendipity

    Need advice

    I'm married to my first cousin! If you poke around this site you'll find my story. I'm too lazy to do it myself 😀
  6. Serendipity

    Find parallel CC

    Why?
  7. There is nothing wrong with you. If there is, there is something seriously wrong with me because I married my 1st cousin! There is some good info on this site about the myth of the genetics fear. Read up, you'll be surprised! If you're family is so religious, then they should pull out their Bibles and learn the truth about cousin marriages. The most famous Biblical couple was Jacob, and Rachel. (I guess Leah makes them a trio). The only way to know if your cousin likes you is to do what you would do in any other similar situation: ask him out for coffee, to a concert or a movie. Spend time getting to know him. I'm throwing the rest of this in for good measure because I have children near your age and I guess I feel a little motherly today: You alluded to past abuse in your life. Please don't try to over analyze your relationship with men. If you need help processing the past, then find a good counselor.
  8. Serendipity

    What the heck should I do?

    If kindness were a sign, then I would have a crush on everyone I meet.
  9. Serendipity

    What the heck should I do?

    From what you've posted I don't really see any romantic interest on her part. It sounds like you have a crush on her and I suppose you should do what you'd do with any crush: ask her out for coffee, talk to her on the phone, try to see if there's a spark of anything to build on. Definitely do not confess to anything. There's nothing for you to confess to.
  10. Serendipity

    I'm madly in love

    No one can tell you how to become her best friend; that's one of the things that just happens between people over time. All you can do now is to talk to her when you can, but don't be a pest and bother her. This just may be one of the times in your life when you have to back off and wait for something you want. You're 16 and are likely to meet a girl later on that you really like and you may forget all about your cousin. You just don't know what life has in store for you.
  11. Serendipity

    I'm madly in love

    The age difference may be an issue right now. Not that 2 years is problematic, but simply that she is getting ready to head off to university and you are still in school at home and the timing is bad for you. This is a difficult time to embark on a new relationship with her. The best advice I can give is to spend as much time as you can with her right now; become her friend. If she does have a boyfriend, you will need to refrain from romantic overtures. Once she goes off to university, her world is going to change and enlarge and you are correct that she might find a young man there that she likes. And a long distance relationship is never easy. If things are meant to be between you two, then it will happen.
  12. You're the one who said you didn't love him the same way her loved you and that your feelings for him have reduced.... My advice stands: Walk away, move on with your life and let true love come to you. What you have described is a mess and much too complicated. Walk away and be happy.
  13. Don't let someone manipulate you into staying in a relationship with them. If he cries and carries on when you break up, he will be even worse in a marriage. If you don't love him, you don't love him. If he wants a relationship more than you do, that's his problem. You need to cut off all contact with him: No social media, don't respond to emails or texts or phone calls. The complications of child birth between cousins is very small; that's no reason not to pursue a relationship with a cousin. Being unsure of your feelings and feeling guilty for his reactions when you are not together. are perfectly good reasons not to pursue this relationship. You are responsible for you. He is responsible for himself. Walk away from this mess.
  14. Serendipity

    Catholic marriage

    Oh good gracious. Is there another parish church near you? Go to another parish priest for your wedding prep and marriage rite. Or even go to a whole other diocese. This is ridiculous.
  15. Serendipity

    Catholic marriage

    Does the priest know about your cousin-ness? Ecclesiastical law (not Canon Law) will not permit first cousin marriages in the Catholic church. However, you can be granted a dispensation by your Bishop. I would contact the Worship Office of your diocese ASAP and inquire about the dispensation. And for the record, I would keep mum about the cousin factor from now on. WY has fairly stern marriage laws where cousins are concerned.
  16. Serendipity

    My Story

    Cousin factor aside, she and her kids need time to breathe after the divorce. Even if her kids think the divorce is justified and claim they are OK with it, this is still a big change in their lives. Whatever you do, please go slowly and don't let the kids know you're involved until the two of you have been seeing each other for a good long while. It's not fair to the kids to expect them to feel hunky dory with Mom dating someone else right after their family has been torn apart. They need time to heal. I was divorced for 5 years before I started dating my cousin (now husband) and up till that time neither of my two kids met any other man I had dated (there weren't many....) and they had a difficult time processing the cousin factor. After two years of marriage, they have learned to tolerate, maybe even like, my hubby. They are now in their early 20's. It sounds to me like the attraction is mutual between you two. Don't give the online dating thing a second thought; it is not obstacle. My advice is to tell her how you feel but move slowly for the sake of her children.
  17. Serendipity

    Vice magazine article

    Nice article. Congrats!
  18. Serendipity

    Cousin Love

    No, it's not wrong, provided you are both free from other romantic entanglements and are old enough to be in a relationship.
  19. Serendipity

    What should i do ?

    Ditto to everything Nat said. Whatever you do, don't make your move on social media. Be a man and tell her face to face how you feel. You can start with the tried and true "If we weren't cousins, I could see myself dating you" and then see where the conversation goes. But get to know her first.
  20. Serendipity

    How to know if my cousin likes me?!

    My guess is that he is teasing you and that he only sees you as a cute little cousin and he is being an arse. Although I don't have your entire story, my instinct is telling me that you need to stay away from him. He sounds like trouble to me.
  21. Serendipity

    hola

    Gotcha. I completely understand what you've posted in Spanish but don't have the language skills to respond with accuracy.
  22. Serendipity

    hola

    Mi Espanol es malo. En Ingles por favor.
  23. Serendipity

    Had to Get It Off My Chest. Nowhere Else to Turn

    As someone who waited nearly 30 years to marry my cousin, I'm going to encourage you to go for it. I noticed that your signature is Pilipino. I don't know what the social or legal norms are there concerning cousin marriages/relationships. Barring any legal complications, pursue this relationship in spite of the flack your family may give you. They don't get to decide your path to happiness. They don't have to walk in your shoes everyday. I've learned that my family doesn't truly wish me well due to their cold-shouldered response to my husband. That's their loss. Yes, it's easier to say that to accept - I still cry on occasion over their actions towards me. But ultimately, I am happier with my husband's love than with the conditional requirements of my family.
  24. Serendipity

    Im in love with my first cross cousin..

    There are some folks from India who chime in here every now and then. I'm afraid I won't be much use to you as far as legalities are concerned but can only empathize with you and encourage you to do what you can to keep your love alive. Good luck!
  25. Serendipity

    New here

    I've always railed against the genetics argument concerning cousin marriages. Ashkenazi Jews, African (Americans) and women over the age of 40 are not prevented from procreation despite their higher risk pool nor are they required to have genetic tests run prior to conception. Of course, part of me thinks that you are talking about a level and a half above what my brain can grasp....
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