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Everything posted by Serendipity

  1. Sexting is non-committal. She is playing around with you. You made a promise to not hurt her, but she did not make the same promise to you. She is thrilled by the taboo of being cousins and that ignites the sexting, but she has no interest whatsoever in being in a relationship with you. It's time to move on and look elsewhere my friend.
  2. Serendipity

    At my wits end

    Gender bias? Okay.... I never said poems are childish. But writing poems to a girl who has made it clear that she has no romantic interest in you borders on the inappropriate. You're the one who mentioned googly eyes, poems, her leaving the area and brothers running interference between the two of you. While I'm no mind reader I am good at picking up on signals. You don't really need to be a good signal reader to understand what's happening here. I gave you help: Move on with your life and make yourself open to the possibility of a relationship. Once you take the first step, it gets easier. But if you want us to tell you how to make her like you, you've come to the wrong place. No one can do that for you. And she doesn't like you; that's quite evident. If you don't move on things are going to get very difficult between the two of you and it won't be her fault.
  3. Serendipity

    1st cousins

    Whoa! Seriously?! Some people need something meaningful to occupy themselves with instead of worrying about what's what between cousins.
  4. Serendipity

    At my wits end

    Dude. You like her. She doesn't like you. My comments still stand. You are young and think you're in love. If you don't want advice, then stop clogging up the threads. Actually, you are the one who needs to grow up. Writing her poems? No wonder she's creeped out. She doesn't want to share her feelings with you because she doesn't like you in a romantic way. The truth is, she may not like you in any way. I don't know. But she's giving you plenty of signs that she wants you to leave her alone. And she can't possibly be taking advantage of you; she doesn't want anything from you. Leave her alone! Go out and live life. You never know who might be around the corner.
  5. Serendipity


    Prowl around this site for info about birth defects. Do a Google search. Read a science journal. You'll get the same answer. The risk of genetic defects to children of cousins is only slightly higher than anyone else. It's about the same as a woman in her 40's having a child. Lots of races marry knowing that there's a genetic risk to their children: African Americans (Sickle Cell), Askenazi Jews (Cystic Fibrosis and Tay-Sachs). If you are concerned about genetic factors, you can get tested.
  6. Serendipity

    Tell me your thoughts on this

    There's no need to tell others about your cousin-ness unless you want them to know. And if folks reject you because of this, then they are not true friends. When people ask how my cousin husband and I met I tell them that we have known each other since childhood and reconnected as adults: the truth without too many details always works. Don't let fear rule your life!
  7. Serendipity

    At my wits end

    Dude. You like her. She doesn't like you. You think you're in love. You're not. Could be that she views you as being a bit creepy (for a lack of a better term). Following her around and giving her "looks" will just make her think you're creepier. She has apparently picked up on your crush and has told others. She is not amused. Move on with your life and be open to the possibility of someone special walking into your life. You may be missing out by pining for your cousin.
  8. Serendipity

    1st cousins

    Ambra_Flows: It is true that some states make it illegal to have sex with your 1st cousin, It depends upon how incest is defined in that state.
  9. Serendipity

    1st cousins

    We are not lawyers and cannot give out legal advice. You need to talk to an immigration lawyer/specialist. I'm sure there's also info on the US Immigration web page.
  10. Serendipity

    Age old mystery: Solved!

  11. My cousin DID marry someone else. So did I. I went to his wedding (after my divorce) and tried to talk him out of it. I bit my tongue, went on with my life and some years later when he had divorced, we got together. Finally!
  12. Serendipity

    Catholic marriage

    becca I'm not surprised that you received the dispensation at all. Marriages between a Catholic and a non-Catholic Christian are almost always declared valid in the eyes of the Church. And civil marriages between two Catholics is almost always recognized. As the Director of Music for the Catholic church, I've seen many marriages between two Catholics that did not include a Mass; this is often done when few, if any, of the family and friends are Catholic and it helps to relieve the awkwardness of the bride and groom being the only ones to receive communion. My concern, Like CM stated, is that the priest would not knowingly bless a marriage that he knew to be illegal in the state and thus his hands were tied. Marrying outside of your diocese is done all the time in the Catholic church. A valid Catholic marriage results from four elements: (1) the spouses are free to marry; (2) they freely exchange their consent; (3) in consenting to marry, they have the intention to marry for life, to be faithful to one another and be open to children; and (4) their consent is given in the presence of two witnesses and before a properly authorized Church minister. Exceptions to the last requirement must be approved by church authority. And obviously, older couples beyond child bearing age are not restricted from a valid Catholic marriage.
  13. Serendipity

    How was your wedding with your first cousin

    A wedding is a time for celebration. If someone isn't supportive of your relationship, don't invite them to the wedding! I married my 1st cousin two years ago. It was a very simple ceremony with only approving family members and friends there. Actually, the friends didn't know about our cousin factor because I didn't feel it was important to divulge that information. If you're worried about what others will think then you're not ready to be married. I was proud and giddy to marry the love of my life.
  14. Serendipity

    Found each other and in love

    The drama over telling our family often gets exaggerated in our minds. When I told my family, some were OK with it, some disapproved and some turned cold towards us over time. But being of a certain age (I'm 49), I really don't care about their approval. My two kids, who are now in their early 20's have been OK. The oldest was a bit disgruntled in the beginning, but has come around to acceptance. You will just have to come out and say it: "I've been dating a wonderful, delightful person who makes my heart skip a beat and gives me respect and loyalty" Don't expect any reaction, just share the joy. And don't let any drama ensue. If someone gets ridiculously upset, kiss 'em on the cheek and bid farewell for the moment. You have been given a chance at happiness and I would let everyone know that their reactions will not impede upon the pursuit of your happiness.
  15. Serendipity

    Forced To Seperate

    I'm sorry you felt compelled to separate; but nobody can force you to give up a relationship unless you give them the power to do so.
  16. Serendipity

    Need advice

    I'm married to my first cousin! If you poke around this site you'll find my story. I'm too lazy to do it myself ?
  17. Serendipity

    Find parallel CC

  18. There is nothing wrong with you. If there is, there is something seriously wrong with me because I married my 1st cousin! There is some good info on this site about the myth of the genetics fear. Read up, you'll be surprised! If you're family is so religious, then they should pull out their Bibles and learn the truth about cousin marriages. The most famous Biblical couple was Jacob, and Rachel. (I guess Leah makes them a trio). The only way to know if your cousin likes you is to do what you would do in any other similar situation: ask him out for coffee, to a concert or a movie. Spend time getting to know him. I'm throwing the rest of this in for good measure because I have children near your age and I guess I feel a little motherly today: You alluded to past abuse in your life. Please don't try to over analyze your relationship with men. If you need help processing the past, then find a good counselor.
  19. Serendipity

    What the heck should I do?

    If kindness were a sign, then I would have a crush on everyone I meet.
  20. Serendipity

    What the heck should I do?

    From what you've posted I don't really see any romantic interest on her part. It sounds like you have a crush on her and I suppose you should do what you'd do with any crush: ask her out for coffee, talk to her on the phone, try to see if there's a spark of anything to build on. Definitely do not confess to anything. There's nothing for you to confess to.
  21. Serendipity

    I'm madly in love

    No one can tell you how to become her best friend; that's one of the things that just happens between people over time. All you can do now is to talk to her when you can, but don't be a pest and bother her. This just may be one of the times in your life when you have to back off and wait for something you want. You're 16 and are likely to meet a girl later on that you really like and you may forget all about your cousin. You just don't know what life has in store for you.
  22. Serendipity

    I'm madly in love

    The age difference may be an issue right now. Not that 2 years is problematic, but simply that she is getting ready to head off to university and you are still in school at home and the timing is bad for you. This is a difficult time to embark on a new relationship with her. The best advice I can give is to spend as much time as you can with her right now; become her friend. If she does have a boyfriend, you will need to refrain from romantic overtures. Once she goes off to university, her world is going to change and enlarge and you are correct that she might find a young man there that she likes. And a long distance relationship is never easy. If things are meant to be between you two, then it will happen.
  23. You're the one who said you didn't love him the same way her loved you and that your feelings for him have reduced.... My advice stands: Walk away, move on with your life and let true love come to you. What you have described is a mess and much too complicated. Walk away and be happy.
  24. Don't let someone manipulate you into staying in a relationship with them. If he cries and carries on when you break up, he will be even worse in a marriage. If you don't love him, you don't love him. If he wants a relationship more than you do, that's his problem. You need to cut off all contact with him: No social media, don't respond to emails or texts or phone calls. The complications of child birth between cousins is very small; that's no reason not to pursue a relationship with a cousin. Being unsure of your feelings and feeling guilty for his reactions when you are not together. are perfectly good reasons not to pursue this relationship. You are responsible for you. He is responsible for himself. Walk away from this mess.
  25. Serendipity

    Catholic marriage

    Oh good gracious. Is there another parish church near you? Go to another parish priest for your wedding prep and marriage rite. Or even go to a whole other diocese. This is ridiculous.