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Posts posted by Serendipity

  1. You will tire of the secrecy.  Get it out in the open to your family if the two of you are serious about trying to make this work.  There is a pinned article about talking to your family about your cousin relationship; read it and modify it for your own needs.


    • Like 1

  2. After 4 years it's time to draw the line in the sand and find out what he wants.  If he wants you, great: bring him to this site and start educating him on the facts.

    If he doesn't want you, then you can feel free to move on.

    His behavior of flirting with another woman is a giant red flag.  So is the fact that he won't listen to you when it comes to the reality of cousin relationships.  

    Have a serious sit down with him and find out where you stand.


  3. I am confused by your post.  Do you like him or not? You talk about puberty as if it were far in the past, but you are probably both still in the midst of it.

    If you like him, be discreet but don't rush things.  If you don't like him romantically, then gently let him know.

    I am much more concerned about the abusive home situation you are in.  You can do something about that, you know? Talk to a teacher, school counselor, principal. clergy, police officer.... talk to someone to get it stopped.  You don't have to live like that my dear!

  4. Did you just call me a MF? 

    Being rude is replying in the exact same childish manner as your first post.  If you want advice about a grown up problem, then be an adult, learn to present your written thoughts in a mature fashion, don't call a others names, and don't threaten me with "You're lucky I'm in a good mood". What the hell is that suppose to me anyway?  You are the lucky one that I am not banning your sorry little arse from this board

  5. Distant relationships are not easy, especially for new ones. You need to weigh lots of pros and cons to even consider going down that road.

    You are never going to know how he feels unless you bring it up.  You can do it in a lighthearted manner so that you have an escape route if the conversation goes awry. 

  6. They are bluffing.  There is no grounds for "throwing you into a mental institute".  As for the shunning - maybe they will.  But you can't control their behavior.

    You are in a a pickle as far as financial aid goes.  You can declare yourself independent from your family - if you want/can to go down that road.

    This is how I see things:

    You are willing to draw the line in the sand for a young man who is joining the military and whom you won't get to see very much over the next 4 years; you will have school obligations and he will have military obligations.  If you were one of my daughter (my daughters are college age), I would advise you to stay open to dating during the college years.  You are young and you have no idea what the next 4 years may bring.  If this romance with your distant cousin is meant to be, it will weather the separation.  But you do realize that the odds are against the two of you?  I don't say that to be pessimistic - only realistic.

    Keeping a relationship secret is not easy and not fun.  If you can avoid it, I would encourage you to do so.

    • Like 1

  7. I know you didn't ask for this kind of advice, but I'm gonna say it anyway.

    Do you really want to live a life of secrecy?  It will get old real quick - real quick.

    Are you so concerned about what others might think that you're willing to live like that?  I mean think this through - holidays will be spent with family who don't love you enough to wish for your happiness.  You will be giving up so very, very much for people who presumably don't want you to find love.

    I would think this through carefully.  You won't be able to hide it for long; do you really want to?

  8. He's interested in one thing.  Sex.  If that's what you want, fine, but don't expect more from him.

    If you don't want the explicit text messages, you must tell him in very direct terms to stop.  If he doesn't stop, then you know where his respect meter for you lies.

    Seriously, what kind of advice do you want?

  9. I'm sorry you're going through this.  However, the waters have been muddied because you got involved with a married man.  Separated or not, going through a divorce or not, he is still married and adult children are much more aware of this dynamic than even teenage children,

    You need to back way away from this man right now.  Let him take care of business with his wife (even if she behaving horribly).  Once the divorce is final AND things have calmed down with his children, then maybe the two of you can start again.

  10. We really don't care about your smoking habits.  I'm tempted to delete those parts of this post because we have minors peruse this site and we in no way do we want to be seen as condoning that kind of behavior.

    You like her.  She likes you.  I don't see the problem.  Proceed slowly and you should find out soon enough if the two of you are a good match.

  11. Hmmm.  I don't know.  Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't.  I can't tell.  She was quick to jump to the family tie.  She turned down your offer to wait for her.  I'm thinking, no.

    She has kids and that is her priority.  Coming out of my divorce, even though I went out on dates my first year following, I didn't want a serious relationship and she may be in that exact situation following her breakup.  I presume she broke up with her long term boyfriend? The father of her children?

  12. In the future Chanel, only post your question in one thread.  There's no reason to post it multiple times.  Sometimes it takes a day or two for folks around here to respond.  And look through the information pages.  Sometimes your question can be answered just by doing a little digging around here.


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