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Posts posted by Serendipity

  1. So sorry you're going through all this.

    You haven't given us enough information to give you any advice.  Surely there is more substantive information that you could tell us.  I don't want to sound snarky, but what you've posted is something to gripe to your best friend about. 

  2. But these patterns of communication are not unique to anyone.  Everyone who has ever been in the dating scene has had interactions like this.  EVERYONE has experienced similar confusion  We deal with the patterns by completely walking away and moving on with life.  You are allowing yourself to be confused by thinking that his patterns of behavior are unique to him and your situation. And you're allowing yourself to stay embroiled in what you perceive to be circumstances beyond your control.

    I guess I'm not really sure what kind of advice your looking for.  What you are describing is typical jerk behavior.  He knows you want more and so he'll go long periods without communication and then reach out to you; for what purpose? 

    You will never be able to have open and free communication with him.  I'm not sure why you would want to.

  3. Ask her point blank how she would feel, then have a direct conversation with her about it.  Arm yourself with facts (lots of resources on this site) and point her here if you want.  The only way to eradicate the stigma is to normalize it.  If she is open minded she will listen to facts and reason.

    My cousin and I had an attraction for many years but didn't pursue it until we were in our 40's.  You'll find lots of stories here about cousins would waited many years to pursue a serious relationship.

  4. These "Patterns of communication" are familiar to everyone who has ever dated.  Being cousins doesn't negate human tendencies.

    You want more than he does.  He's told you he doesn't want a relationship.  Move on my friend, move on.  You'll never have what you really want so it's best to mingle with the other fish in the sea.

  5. You are both in your 40's; have an adult discussion about this.  tell him about this site.  tell him that there is nothing to be ashamed of; that if family is difficult then that shows your their true colors.  You could spend the rest of your wondering "what if" or you can take a chance and open a door to a possibility.

  6. You are overthinking this.  From a legal perspective, 2nd cousins face no ramifications.

    If dating your 2nd cousin makes you a weirdo then I guess I'm off the rails looney because 3 years ago today I married my 1st cousin.

    Make sure that the cousin factor is the only thing bothering you.

    • Like 1

  7. Where are you from? How old are you? 

    You need to have a heart to heart with her.  Tell you you are falling for her but you don't want to waste your time pursuing her if she is not seriously interested in you.  If fear is in her way, then discuss that.

  8. Your chances of getting pregnant are just as good with your cousin as with anyone else.  Your cousin-ness has nothing to do with it.  Read though some of the posts here on the science and the risks.  You have nothing to fear simply because you are cousins.

  9. I have no advice concerning the Asian aspect of your situation, since I am not Asian.

    If you nose around here you will find plenty of stories that echo your situation.  Personally, we waited 3 or 4 months before telling family and started with those we knew would be the most receptive.  My cousin's family, minus his dad, have been great.  But even his dad respects the two of us, even if he doesn't approve.  My family was indifferent at first and have grown cold over time.  I don't care.

    There's a post pinned to one of the forums titled "How To Tell Your Mom".  Read it and adapt it for your particular situation; it contains some good advice

    Long distance relationships are hard; we did it for a year.  Keeping in frequent contact by phone and seeing each other every 6-8 weeks helped us weather through the separation.

  10. On 1/31/2019 at 5:23 PM, Elle le said:

    Is it normal to still miss your cousin 2 years after breaking up? Should I break up with my current boyfriend and ask my cousin to come back to me?

    It's not unusual to still miss an old flame after an extended time.  But your cousin has already given you an answer to how he feels by letting you go and not responding to your texts.  My best advice?  Break up with your current BF; you're being unfair to him.  Then go about living your life.  Find some girls you can hang out with, take an art class, develop your professional skills, volunteer, make yourself valuable to the Canadian economy; in other words, get outside of your regular routine and shake up your life a little bit.  Eventually you will find someone you thinks you are the bees knees and your cousin will be a distant memory.

    • Like 2

  11. I don't see the problem.  You've already had a child together.  

    I believe 2nd cousins are legal to marry anywhere in the U.S.  Tell her that.  Why would actual biology make a difference?   Many (if not most) states place a caveat that the 1st cousin relationship is criminalized if the relationship is biological or through adoption.  Methinks you are overthinking.  Enjoy your life with her.

    On 3/12/2019 at 6:20 PM, Johncena81 said:

    Please no negative comments, because I do LOVE my second cousin and I'm not gonna leave her.

    The surest way to get dishonest answers or to get negative comments is post something like the above.  Either come here seeking sincere advice, even if it's not what you want to hear, or go elsewhere.

  12. The last 6 months have been a whirlwind for me.  I started a new job, which means that I could let go of 3 others! I'm full-time Director of Music for a church and still have a handful of piano students, but I must say that I've been enjoying my new found free time.

    For 10 years I worked 3 or 4 jobs and almost killed myself doing so (literally).  It's great to have some time to relax and check out what's happening here.  I've missed y'all!

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