Jump to content

Serendipity

Moderator
  • Content Count

    521
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    56

Posts posted by Serendipity


  1. He's interested in one thing.  Sex.  If that's what you want, fine, but don't expect more from him.

    If you don't want the explicit text messages, you must tell him in very direct terms to stop.  If he doesn't stop, then you know where his respect meter for you lies.

    Seriously, what kind of advice do you want?


  2. I'm sorry you're going through this.  However, the waters have been muddied because you got involved with a married man.  Separated or not, going through a divorce or not, he is still married and adult children are much more aware of this dynamic than even teenage children,

    You need to back way away from this man right now.  Let him take care of business with his wife (even if she behaving horribly).  Once the divorce is final AND things have calmed down with his children, then maybe the two of you can start again.


  3. We really don't care about your smoking habits.  I'm tempted to delete those parts of this post because we have minors peruse this site and we in no way do we want to be seen as condoning that kind of behavior.

    You like her.  She likes you.  I don't see the problem.  Proceed slowly and you should find out soon enough if the two of you are a good match.


  4. Hmmm.  I don't know.  Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't.  I can't tell.  She was quick to jump to the family tie.  She turned down your offer to wait for her.  I'm thinking, no.

    She has kids and that is her priority.  Coming out of my divorce, even though I went out on dates my first year following, I didn't want a serious relationship and she may be in that exact situation following her breakup.  I presume she broke up with her long term boyfriend? The father of her children?


  5. In the future Chanel, only post your question in one thread.  There's no reason to post it multiple times.  Sometimes it takes a day or two for folks around here to respond.  And look through the information pages.  Sometimes your question can be answered just by doing a little digging around here.

     


  6. Sorry it's been a while for this response; I've had technical difficulties with this site.

    I don't think you want advice, I think you want to vent.You state that you only want to be friends and at the same time say you "can't turn off an attraction".  Which is it?  Of course you can turn off an attraction; you stop communicating, stop talking, stop texting, and you move on.  It takes time, but eventually you move on.


  7. So sorry you're going through all this.

    You haven't given us enough information to give you any advice.  Surely there is more substantive information that you could tell us.  I don't want to sound snarky, but what you've posted is something to gripe to your best friend about. 


  8. But these patterns of communication are not unique to anyone.  Everyone who has ever been in the dating scene has had interactions like this.  EVERYONE has experienced similar confusion  We deal with the patterns by completely walking away and moving on with life.  You are allowing yourself to be confused by thinking that his patterns of behavior are unique to him and your situation. And you're allowing yourself to stay embroiled in what you perceive to be circumstances beyond your control.

    I guess I'm not really sure what kind of advice your looking for.  What you are describing is typical jerk behavior.  He knows you want more and so he'll go long periods without communication and then reach out to you; for what purpose? 

    You will never be able to have open and free communication with him.  I'm not sure why you would want to.


  9. Ask her point blank how she would feel, then have a direct conversation with her about it.  Arm yourself with facts (lots of resources on this site) and point her here if you want.  The only way to eradicate the stigma is to normalize it.  If she is open minded she will listen to facts and reason.

    My cousin and I had an attraction for many years but didn't pursue it until we were in our 40's.  You'll find lots of stories here about cousins would waited many years to pursue a serious relationship.


  10. These "Patterns of communication" are familiar to everyone who has ever dated.  Being cousins doesn't negate human tendencies.

    You want more than he does.  He's told you he doesn't want a relationship.  Move on my friend, move on.  You'll never have what you really want so it's best to mingle with the other fish in the sea.


  11. You are both in your 40's; have an adult discussion about this.  tell him about this site.  tell him that there is nothing to be ashamed of; that if family is difficult then that shows your their true colors.  You could spend the rest of your wondering "what if" or you can take a chance and open a door to a possibility.


  12. You are overthinking this.  From a legal perspective, 2nd cousins face no ramifications.

    If dating your 2nd cousin makes you a weirdo then I guess I'm off the rails looney because 3 years ago today I married my 1st cousin.

    Make sure that the cousin factor is the only thing bothering you.

    • Like 1

  13. Where are you from? How old are you? 

    You need to have a heart to heart with her.  Tell you you are falling for her but you don't want to waste your time pursuing her if she is not seriously interested in you.  If fear is in her way, then discuss that.


  14. Your chances of getting pregnant are just as good with your cousin as with anyone else.  Your cousin-ness has nothing to do with it.  Read though some of the posts here on the science and the risks.  You have nothing to fear simply because you are cousins.


  15. I have no advice concerning the Asian aspect of your situation, since I am not Asian.

    If you nose around here you will find plenty of stories that echo your situation.  Personally, we waited 3 or 4 months before telling family and started with those we knew would be the most receptive.  My cousin's family, minus his dad, have been great.  But even his dad respects the two of us, even if he doesn't approve.  My family was indifferent at first and have grown cold over time.  I don't care.

    There's a post pinned to one of the forums titled "How To Tell Your Mom".  Read it and adapt it for your particular situation; it contains some good advice

    Long distance relationships are hard; we did it for a year.  Keeping in frequent contact by phone and seeing each other every 6-8 weeks helped us weather through the separation.


  16. On 1/31/2019 at 5:23 PM, Elle le said:

    Is it normal to still miss your cousin 2 years after breaking up? Should I break up with my current boyfriend and ask my cousin to come back to me?

    It's not unusual to still miss an old flame after an extended time.  But your cousin has already given you an answer to how he feels by letting you go and not responding to your texts.  My best advice?  Break up with your current BF; you're being unfair to him.  Then go about living your life.  Find some girls you can hang out with, take an art class, develop your professional skills, volunteer, make yourself valuable to the Canadian economy; in other words, get outside of your regular routine and shake up your life a little bit.  Eventually you will find someone you thinks you are the bees knees and your cousin will be a distant memory.

    • Like 2
×
×
  • Create New...