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HappyGratefully

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HappyGratefully last won the day on May 13 2017

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  1. Yeah, me too. He's lying. If he isn't lying it would be easy to find out! Just ask around the family! He would not be the only one to know. Your dad seems a good bet to ask. But if your cousin is the only one who heard this supposed last wish, then it's safe to assume he's lying. You don't have to talk to him if you don't want to. Also, it is not wrong for you to talk to him as well! Just be yourself.
  2. HappyGratefully

    I just found out I got a 4 year old son.

    What, with your cousin? She didn't tell you? :shocked:
  3. HappyGratefully

    help again guys..

    I'm not sure why you bothered coming to these boards looking for advice. You haven't listened to the advice people have given you instead you've done the opposite. I did say when you asked for a solution to "not do anything", but you did. I also said not to get in a fight, but now you're in hospital. You shouldn't be trying to chill. It's too late to chill right now. Chilling was for when you were shown the video. But now? Now you should be angry that she believes your friends story over yours. Or maybe you should take her lack of trust in you as a hint. Didn't you ever consider maybe she wants to lose her virginity to your best friend and doesn't care that he sleeps around? If that is what she wants, she obviously doesn't want you interfering. Trying to control her like this will just push her further away. You should have dealt with it differently, perhaps taken the video (this was when it was time to be chilled) to the police or her mother. Drunk or otherwise she's still responsible for her daughter. You aren't. If you would have done this then it would have been out of your hands and you would have acted responsibly for the good of your cousin. Instead you're in hospital and you only have yourself to blame. I tried to help but you didn't listen...
  4. HappyGratefully

    Told My Cousin About My Love For Her Today

    I would argue that it's irrelevant how close you are with them in the first place. Anything can happen to any relationship. It can be a false sense of security to think your cousin relationship is invincible, it will hit harder if things turned sour. I think it depends on the two on an individual level. If you both deal with it well it won't be a big deal. It could be quite possible though that she comes away from this with a positive reaction, and it's the OP who is the one that takes the relationship downhill from here, even though that's the last thing he wants to do... it can be out of ones control. For example, if you're feeling depressed on a day to day basis because of this person, you might not seem very positive when you actually hang out with them. What Serendipity said is a hard truth in this story. In Superabs OP he said it's the worst time of his life, he feels like he's dying inside, etc. And he hasn't posted back. This is going to be a hard time for him. So best wishes to you Superabs, I hope you and your cousin are able to maintain the good relationship you've always shared.
  5. HappyGratefully

    GREAT TO BE A GUY LOL :grin:

    Some so true, some so not! 16. One mood, ALL the time. - I wish!!! 19. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. - You're underestimating this. I took 1 suitcase for a 3 month vacation and only used 8kg out of the alloted 24kg allowed on the flight. 63. You don't care if you look like crap when your picture is taken - I wish!!! 47. You can take your shirt off on a hot day. - So can women... 53. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?" - So very true! 44. You can go to the bathroom without a support group - Yep, this is one of the best perks 42. Your hair is dry after taking a shower by the time you're dressed. - Yes 43. Facial hair is a good thing. - and yes! 2. You don't secretly resent friends who are more attractive. - No we don't. But perhaps envy. 78. You can think about absolutely nothing. - not when we want to think about nothing
  6. HappyGratefully

    In love with second cousin but she lives very far away

    Hehe yeah you do over analyze stuff a bit! Lol. But I think for now since you can't see her or have consistently regular calls what you need to do is concentrate on yourself. Some of your feelings that stand out to me are the things you say like Let go of the past my friend. You can't change it and it's really not all that bad. So you haven't seen her as much as you would have liked to over the years, it's really not a big deal. There is only now and the future. As for the past regarding you and your cousin, focus on the good memories you have of her, don't focus on regrets.
  7. HappyGratefully

    Told My Cousin About My Love For Her Today

    Yeah, but Serendipity was only saying not to tell them via text or before a date. I think this is sensible advice but it's too late for that now. Give it some time, then see how you feel and whether it's worth pursuing this more. By fighting for her you're risking the chance of alienating or annoying her when she's already made her feelings clear.
  8. HappyGratefully

    In love with second cousin but she lives very far away

    Cool. Well I read your story, it was nice. "I tend to be one of those people that tries to consider every possible scenario of events that can occur...and honestly the more I think about it, the more and more afraid I become..." You're very wise. But what did she say in reply to "I definitely made it very clear to her that I do love her, that I have many regrets in the past (as I explained in my post above) and I want to correct those mistakes...and that I'll always be there for her." To me your hints are pretty significant, I would find it very unusual for one of my non-love cousins (I have quite a lot of female cousins) to say stuff like this. She may be suspecting. But maybe not, especially if you're her only or one of few cousins she has, and that you hadn't seen her for so long. But still, some people can read others like a book and as your cousin she's probably good at reading you "I've been talking to her on the phone for a while. It was really hard to get through to her because of her hectic work schedule. It seems she was unable to really make enough time for me (or anyone really) so it was hard for me to deal with that...but she finished that and is now in school, and it seems just as hectic. It's just very difficult to talk to her." Don't get carried away, there's really no reason to feel guilty about the past or feel bad that she's too busy. What you need to do is next time you speak to her on the phone tell her you love these catch ups and ask her when it's best to call her so you have the greatest chance to chat and lessen the chance of being disappointed. I think that's a cute thing to say. Most people especially ambitious people have a regular schedule.
  9. HappyGratefully

    help again guys..

    Me?... Personally I would try not to do anything about it, that would be my solution. Rather not get in a fight although I sympathise with you cos I know it's very infuriating but just got to try forget it.
  10. HappyGratefully

    Need advice

    I am really excited for you as well! Wow! Make the best of the time you have with him, have good times! Go for dinners out and stuff and just talk! I don't think you need a 'plan'. Just keep it real. :kiss:
  11. HappyGratefully

    loosing someone you love

    It's normal that you can't relax about this. Things happened a bit differently with me. Like you, my cousin finished with me, but I decided to keep doing the family thing and see her still. After it finished the next time I saw her was 5 months later around Christmas time. I saw her several times in the lead to Christmas at gatherings organised by other family members. On Christmas morning I was dreading the family meet and as I walked to the car I was thinking I can't, but I did. She was ok but I had a panic attack with uncontrollable sweating, flushed face, stiffness and racing thoughts. I did a runner. Just made an excuse I felt ill and up and left my Aunts house on Christmas day, I must have been there for 30 minutes, most of which was spent in the toilet. On the drive home I went 10 miles past my exit on the motorway before I even realized due to the racing thoughts. The days prior were similar, but I think Christmas day was the worst because it had been a couple days since I saw her and I'd had time to think about and sink in just how bad things were. This strong bond we had that I thought was unbreakable, broken. That period caused physical as well as mental strains, I did myself some long term muscle damage in my shoulders from the severe anxiety. That Christmas day was the last time, after that I started skipping family meets. Like yourself I thought about leaving the country but I actually acted on it. I knew someone in Sweden and I planned to go but that fell through. I was desperate to escape. I had an opportunity to go to Australia, the other side of the world, to stay with a friend. I lived there with him for 3 months. I was scared to see my cousin again and sometimes I even wished I just didn't have a family. Turns out being in another country was just the thing I needed. While in Australia my mindset changed to a desire to win her back, initially as a lover but thanks to the influence of some wise friends, that changed to just wanting her back as a cousin. Or at least I thought I just wanted her back as a cousin, but deep down there was a hidden ulterior motive in every action and thought I had about it. But once I recognized that ulterior motive, I thought about what was really important (family) and could change my thought process. My cousin and I opened communication. We arranged to meet, I returned and 5 days later we met and it wasn't easy but it was a lot easier than I expected! You could stay away, and what? Live? You might end up living in regret. Running away doesn't make the pain go away. Always it will be there, in the back of your mind that you lost your cousin, your love. That you lost your family. Stopping you from being truly happy. In the back of my mind I got my cousin back, my love. I conquered my fears. I got my family back. Mending the relationship will make the pain go away. That's why I feel my duty to suggest you see him again. Have courage. I love her so much. I'll always love her, but I don't care that we're not together, I'm just so happy and grateful to have my family and my cousin after having lost them. Now? The pain is gone. I have occasional fleeting jealousy but it's not difficult to deal with. I remember where I've got to, and I feel like our cousin relationship is strong and I won't ever lose it again. The guy she's with is the vulnerable one to lose her, not me.. I feel powerful to be accepted. I want to be near her, in the same room. And she loves the attention I show her now just as she always did. We talk with the same enthusiasm we always did and I feel the same magical wonderful feeling inside that I always felt just from talking with her. And I never thought I would feel that again. I didn't think I would ever even see her again. As aweful as it sounded in the beginning. Going through those initial difficult times was definitely worth it in the end and to have what I have now I would go through it again!!!! I want to share with you a song that helped me and gave me strength during the time in Australia when I didn't know how things were going to turn out yet and I was building the confidence to see her again. It's called "Try" by P!nk. I relate to you right to my very core when you said you feel like something's wrong with the universe. Exactly how I have felt. As humans we all make mistakes, it might be the universe makes mistakes sometimes too. Will be here for you. Best wishes HG
  12. HappyGratefully

    help again guys..

    Ahh he just has strong feelings about his cousin and cares deeply for her. He's young and thinks he can be superman. Oitza, I think you genuinely care about your cousin and want her to be happy. You're a little misguided though, and I urge you to take this situation more seriously than you are. I was a little shocked and couldn't take your case seriously after reading the first page here, and when I read someone say they were getting popcorn out I burst into laughter. But your life should not be a joke. I think you'll end up with a healthier relationship with her if you back off a little now. It does seem like you're trying to control her because you're paying so much attention to who she chooses to be with! Correct me if I'm wrong but I believe you have an honest and caring nature to your cousin, and you're only misguided in the way you want to/ think you should convey this to her/us. Instead of worrying about who she's with, let her roam free. She will think you're really cool for seeming so chilled out and carefree. She won't be hurt by any random guy when she's got you in her life, will she? She'll really dig it if you seem to be paying her less attention (might even become more attracted to you) - she already knows how you feel, and that's pretty cool ain't it? That she knows? There's nothing more you can do, and in the end what's important in life? What really matters in life? Being cool, obviously. So chill, and be cool :smiley:
  13. HappyGratefully

    loosing someone you love

    While LadyC is right where she says "but this kind of situation isn't exclusive to cousins. it can happen to anybody, cousins or not." I really do sympathise with you Yoohoo. When it is someone outside your family who you had a 12 year relationship and two engagements to, at least it's only 12 years and 1 relationship. I could just ditch someone I was engaged to for 12 years, I'd rather not put up with the discomfort of seeing them, and there would be no reason to see them anymore. But with a cousin? Part of me wants to ditch them, the other part wants them because they are my family member who I love because they are my family. And I don't want to miss out on going to family reunions and having a family. Please be strong Yoohoo. I went through a similar situation but left it 2 years before I saw my cousin again, but oh boy am I glad I did. And 2 years was a good amount of time, I don't regret leaving it that long, I needed it, we both did. You said you haven't seen your cousin in 4 years. It's already been 4 years since it ended. You feel betrayed by him now, but it's been 4 years. Deep down you knew he would come back by now if he wanted to be with you again. I think you should make a big effort to let it go and see your cousin again and be happy for them and their new partner. Hope said "You try to talk to them as just cousins again but it feels so awkward and forced." - You can get past that stage. It is EXTREMELY tough going through that stage, sure, been there myself. But nothing stays the same. Eventually you can get past that stage and you really can start seeing them as your cousin again. Think of it like this, imagine being forced into a situation where you're sharing your dinner time with your cousin every day and this goes on for 20 years. No other time, just dinner time. You think it's going to still be awkward and forced 20 years later? No. It won't. Actually, a lot sooner than that you fall back into normality. And in fact your past history together becomes kind of a quirky thing, something that's cool, we went through that, we survived that and we repaired that - it feels incredibly satisfying. "Spend time with those you love. One day you will either look back and say I'm glad I did or I wish I had." Warmest wishes and sympathies to you. Stay strong.
  14. HappyGratefully

    Told My Cousin About My Love For Her Today

    Accept what she says, thank her, say you love her too, and be grateful you've got her. Her reaction was so encouraging. I know it's short, but it's sweet. If you really love her you'll give her that much. And then there's always hope.
  15. HappyGratefully

    cousin in MO

    Hi Aaron. Don't forget about the beginning of your post. This deserves respect. "Me and her have always got along." "We do all kind of things together and we're very very close. We cuddle some what on the couch and watch movies and talk about our broken hearts. It's very nice and I love her." Since she is so valuable to you, it's best avoided that you damage your cousin relationship. Figure out what carries more strength, the importance of your cousin relationship with her versus going up with a 50/50 either a lifetime of love or a somewhat less bright future. You must consider this bombshell as a 50/50 chance otherwise you won't consider at all not taking action. And you should consider not taking action. You don't know what your cousin is thinking. But don't worry. You both feel the same way about each other. It doesn't take words or confirmation from the other person to see that. If you do choose to tell her, you won't regret opening up. But this is a bombshell when you consider what you have told us compared to what you have told her. The fact you haven't already opened up to her more just proves how important your cousin relationship with her is to you. And no matter what you suss someone feels, anyone can freak out when actual reality as opposed to a person's ideal reality comes knocking. We as humans can be unpredictable with how we respond. When you consider the risk of things going badly also take into account and note different characters deal with situations differently, consider both of your personalities, how would you and how would she cope with things going wrong? What would life be like during a fall out? Would you be likely to feel humiliation or failure, would you be hurt by rejection from her? Are you sensitive, confident, shy, regretful, awkward? And her? This decision deserves time. All the best and keep updated. :smiley:
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