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zzzzzz

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  1. Thanks for replying. I am a Muslim, cousin marriages are common here, but relationship stuff is seen as an evil thing.
  2. I will try to be as short as possible and crystal clear about myself. I am 23.8 years old male lives in north India, I am about to complete my graduation within a few months. I am way too shy, it's not natural/normal shyness but I believe it's a big problem for me. I feel very uncomfortable talking to a female (except my mother and some other family members), I can't even look in their eyes confidently. Even I never had a female friend. During my school 6 years ago I had a girl in my class, who used to sit behind my bench (sat there for a year) due to fixed seating arrangment. When she changed her school I started missing her. She was lively, talktive, childish, open minded, emotional, passionate, enthusiastic etc. Within a few months her memories became obsession for me, I used to think about her day and night . It took me more than a year to get over with it. Just about that time 4.5 years ago messaging started between me and my first cousin (mother's brother's daughter). She is 2 years younger than me and have 2 older brothers. She has the same nature just as the girl from school. The chat continued for a month, I started developing feelings for her. I even told her about the girl from school and she told me about the boy she liked in school. I wanted to take more time but something (this "something" is the main problem which is making me feel very sick again, since this thing creeps me out so I will put it only one time in the end ) forced me to convey my feeling early. I simply said "I like you", she replied "I like you too". That day I was very happy, at night I over messaged her (messages like good night, sweet dreams etc). The next day she messaged me that she is not ready for any relationship right now and don't want her brothers to know anything about it as she don't want any trouble. I was confused and angry at her and replied "You should have not said I like you yesterday, don't message me again, blah blah...",(Now I know I should have given her space, time and respected her decision ). Later that night I was not able to sleep properly, so in morning I wrote a very long long meaasge apologizing her. Unfortunately her oldest brother and his wife read that message (though they both were understanding and said to us "You two should not have anything in between right now, we will think about you two in future). She was very upset that what she didn't wanted has happened. I was very depressed for the next few months. Every time I visited their house I felt awkwardness and my shyness prevented me dealing with the situation correctly. Previously I used to visit their house 3-4 times a year but after that incident I visited their house 4 times in last 4 years. Everytime after returning to home I stayed depressed for a few weeks. Over these years I have realised that I might have fell for my cousin because I never had a female friend or talked to them. Whatever the reasons are I belive my feelings are real and they are quite strong towards her. Though I have a lot of cousins but I have realised I always had something for her from a long time back even before 4.5 years ago. Now fast fowarding things to present. Now I don't expect anything from her absolutely nothing, this is what my mind thinks. But my heart still have feelings for her. Last week I had to stay at their house for her second oldest brothers wedding. Everything was fine and my awkwardness has reduced over the years, but something has made me feel very sick. This is the last thing on earth I want to talk about because it creeps me out, but I desperately need some advice. The thing is she has used "bro**er" word two times while calling me during the stay and one time 1.5 years ago (but at that time I ignored it, I thought it was a mistake though it literally pi**ed me off). But this time it really made me upset. Since it gave me a very very very sick feeling so I decided to return home, as she came to know I was going she asked me three times "desperately"(the way she asked me I can say she was desperately asking me) to stay on two occasions. But I refused to stay though I want to tell her the truth why I was leaving, I didn't have courage and nor did I know how to explain this thing to her. Later that night when I was leaving I saw her on roof standing alone at 11pm in dark (I don't know why she was up there and what she was thinking). It's been 2 days I am at home but I still feels sick. I cannot completely avoid visiting her house in future it's inevitable but I don't want to hear that word again. What should I do ? How do I talk to her about it? How should I explain things to her? I would be thankful for some advice.
  3. Just ask her out did she still feels the same way as simple as that ..
  4. My first cousin already knows my feeling for her but asked me for time due to some reasons , last time i visited her house she saw some of my school photographs in my cell while it was charging, when i was leaving their house she "said i need your photographs" i asked her 3 times "why?" she just smiled back and said "just like that", she then said copy them in the system(but that time opening a pc in someone's house was not a good idea) so i said i will send them in your phone she replied "no no no! someone will see them , next time when you visit then copy them in system". What can you say what's going in her mind??
  5. "YOU NEVER KNOW IAM IN LOVE WITH YOU" Remembring the time we shared, I hope it come back again, Why did i go so wrong, You need time but iam so alone. You never know Iam in love with you, I promise i wont let you down again, Wanna see your smile, It would heal my heart and free my pain. Iam thinking out of control, Iam loosing my soul, Standing in the rain shredding my tears, So that no one knows my pain. You never know Iam in love with you, I promise i wont let you down again, Wanna see your smile, It would heal my heart and free my pain. I can't sleep in the nights, Thoughts of you drown me down, Whole time i feel so low, Tears of you kills me slow, Iam dying in my heart, but You never know Iam in love with you, I promise i wont let you down again, Wanna see your smile, It would heal my heart and free my pain. You never know iam in love with you, O baby Iam in love with you, Come back now, come back now and i promise i wont let you down again. All kind of replies will bi highly appreciated. If any body here plays guitar its just a kind request from my side if you can give it your voice on guitar...
  6. The girl(she is my first cousin my mother's brother's daughter) i really like asked me for time around 5 months back, and respecting her i gave it to her all as much time as she needs. Up till now i was thinking she have no feelings for me or i am still confused. Ok till yesterday i was just leave her alone i really don?t want to bother her, but yesterday situation was something pretty serious i had to bother her while talking about that serious thing i never asked her how much time she still needs but she herself said ?you know my time is still not over, i need more, i don?t know you even 1% but we will first know each other then we will decide of future ?(in polite tone), i hesitatingly asked her how much time she needs she said ?a lot?, so leaving all this i just switched the conversation and talked about her studies , about how was her life going and blah blah.. Iam still confused, what can you make out of this conversation? What i have figured out is: She have family issues i.e overprotective brother?s and father, i don?t have problem with this they all know me well her all brother?s are very good friend of mine. She liked a guy from 2 years but now he knows what kind of guy he is. She is in senior secondary school and finals are just on her head. What i haven?t figured out is do she really want to give me a SECOND CHANCE? Second chance because when i 5 months back expressed my feelings to her, her eldest brother read that message at that time she didn?t wanted her brother?s to know anything about this thing(she likes me and i likes her). And she was very angry at me because of this, but after having conversation with her she was all fine with me and just asked for time. Her eldest brother just said to her ?right now you two should not have anything in between i know he is a good guy but we will see all this in future?. I know she is bounded by her brother?s word?s and i don?t want to keep anything with her under her brother?s nose. She is a girl worth waiting for even i need time till i could have a mature conversation with her eldest brother. But do she really want to give me a SECOND CHANCE? Iam just confused about this.
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