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About Gabrial.S

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  1. Gabrial.S

    I need help!

    I agree with the post before mine. nessa76(along with ladyc) helped me realize telling my cousin is worth it. She knows what she's talking about it seems to me. Telling your cousin and finding out for sure will take care of most of your worries. As for if it doesn't work out and you have to get over him...I don't have an answer yet. I'm still waiting to see if my own cousin accepts my confessional . I wish you luck and the best
  2. Gabrial.S

    No brain to mouth filter?

    I took all the great advice I've been getting. I walked to Ali's house (she lives a mile out of town~creep as heck) and asked her to talk to me. She threw a bucket of warm water on my head from her window and left me to freeze in the wee hours of the morning. She wouldn't listen to me at all...so...I sat outside her door for hours. She used the back door and even had headphones in when I happened to see her in a window. I tried everything I could think of before I did possibly the most corny thing I could have done. I called her roommate and her guy and asked them if I could borrow thier musical talents. Now, I haven't sung since my brother died it was something we did together. I sang every single kind of so ta to full blow love song I know she loves. (I introduced her to a lot of the bands) Now I'm sitting here with her dog, guitar and two of her closest friends coming clean and waiting to see if she opens the door (here's to hopping (such an weird word) she took out her headphones. Also as proof to myself that I can be honest about all this stuff.....my real name is Benjamin. Gabrial is my middle name. Yay honesty.
  3. Gabrial.S

    No brain to mouth filter?

    I guess in a way your both right. I won't say I was being an idiot but I know what I said was wrong and it makes me feel horrible. I know that before I realized I had feelings for my cousin I did think it was gross, it was never anything to me before. Now I wonder if Im even worth her time....if a part of me naturally believes its wrong, is telling her even worth it?
  4. Gabrial.S

    No brain to mouth filter?

    " It should be illegal in every state. Its disgusting right Gabe?" "Yeah, completely gross..." So I posted in the advice part of this site with no intention of ever posting anything ever again.....but I don't have a journal and the only friend I have who would understand is kind of unreachable at the moment. I'm really hoping someone else is like me....no brain to mouth filter. I think I really messed up any chance of telling my cousin, Ali, that I care about her the way I do. In my other post I told about how she had confessed a crush on me and I assumed at the time it was a joke. I think I got my answer as to whether she really felt that way for me or not, and it wasn't in a way I wanted. Tonight several of our mutual friends and us were hanging out at her house with her roommate, about three hours into it, my cousin and I were having a close conversation about her new dog and one of her friends began teasing my buddy about being a red neck; she was being playful and somehow the subject of kissing cousins was brought up. It was all laughs and fine until one of my friends (whose kind of an a**) busted out with harsh degrading things about it. Incest. Gross. Unnatural. Just a couple of the words he used. I wasn't really paying much attention to what was said; I was distracted by the way my cousin seemed to have drawn away from everyone. When he said it (the italics above) I was only listening with half an ear, so I replied without thinking (red italics) and I knew as soon as the words left my mouth I had really messed up. I've never had my cousin pull away from me so fast.... Right after that she asked us all to leave and when I tried to talk to her she just ignored me. I think I really hurt her because her confession wasn't a joke and she cares about me, I feel horrible, I lost something very important. I'm ashamed of myself for degrading something I am becoming a part of. Has anyone else ever really messed up? Will she ever even be able to look at me again? Where does one buy a brain to mouth filter with heart capabilities? (trying to laugh at me pain....it's not working)
  5. Gabrial.S

    I really have no idea what I'm doing.

    I asked my dad his opinion of my cousin....he called her a stupid s**t and tons of other things...I don't think my dad would approve. Nor do I think Ill be talking to my dad for awhile. I asked her mom and she just shrugged and said "to each his own." I think maybe family wouldn't be an issue but what if she is grossed out and tells the family or worse my dad? He's already looking for a reason to throw me out
  6. My name is Gabrial, or I guess Gabe for short. I'm 21 years old and I'm not exactly proud of how I discovered this site. I guess...the beginning of this whole mess? A few months ago my 1st cousin Ali, told me she had a crush on me. I didn't really know what to say when I got the text and the first thing I typed was 'why?' not my greatest moment but she didn't seem to mind and she told me her reasons and I didn't really care. In fact I was positive she was just joking around. I mean she's my cousin and my friend it was weird and I just brushed it off. I didn't really think about it for awhile and then I started to notice how close she would be, or how she would always ask me something first. How she offered to make me food or get me something if I needed it. The thought of her crush came to mind but I blew it off. There was no way... Then I started to notice things about myself too. I always noticed when she came in, even if I was playing a game and it was natural for me to either pause it or put the damn controller down just because she was sitting across from me. I would follow her sometimes when she would get me things just to keep talking to her; god forbid one of her friends interrupt a conversation. I guess, in a delayed way, I realized I may have a crush on my cousin for real. It was freaking me out a bit, because I was so sure it had been a joke and now here I was running away with a harmless prank. And it's not she was my last option or anything; for some reason lots of her friends like me but for all their trying I've never really wanted them to be anything more than a friend...like most girls I meet. Maybe it's because she doesn't mind that I like gaming, or hate going outside unless provoked, she doesn't mind when I forget to be gentle (my cousin is a bigger girl so I guess it's easy to forget she's way smaller than me even if she is wider) I don't really know why I like her or when it happened. I was perfectly happy to just let it lie too....until she got a boyfriend. I'm ashamed to admit that for a while I stopped really talking to her. They broke up a few weeks ago though and I don't remember teasing her ever being so much fun before. I decided to try and see if maybe her joke had been serious; I've tried making my crush known a bit, implying things and such but she doesn't seem to get it. It's frustrating but at the same time I'm not sure what I would do if she found out I've fallen for her. She tends to run away from people. Sometimes it seems like she doesn't like me at all even as a friend; I was worried that maybe my hopes were for nothing (a bad joke that took over my brain) but then I was borrowing her laptop and found this site in her history....I snooped I guess. I was shocked that she had looked up this stuff about couples who were cousins and it made me curious, and kind of confirmed for me that it really is possible that she seriously likes me; that maybe by brushing it off I kind of rejected her. The point of this long thing is that my cousin told me she was crushing on me, I thought it was a joke.....and now I'm the one crushing and I don't know if she likes me or not. I'm not really sure what to do about it. Maybe someone can help me....possibly...pretty please? :undecided: .