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About Tornrose

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  1. Thank you Lady C for your in depth points of view. I guess I knew I would get this response regarding homosexuality on here. I don't agree with you either but thank you for the other points. It is actually my partner that suggested I find a website to post what I am going through and also to get it out of my head. My partner has also had a difficult childhood and so we both have already negotiated this. Also my partner has been in various open relationships in the past. I haven't until thus point. The flng with my cousin is over I should point out. Thank you Colorado Married. I think your responses were well considered and I will take a lot from this. I think so many people have flings and don't be honest with their partners, at least I have been honest. No one seems to have recognized this. Yes I already know I'm selfish and hurt people. It s my partners hurt that I feel inexplicably for. My point in this is that I want to repair my married relationship. I have told my partner I don't deserve her a million times. I have said to her I am worthless as a person and she could do better than me. But we both want to work at it. I agree that if I were to have carried on seeing my cousin it would have been totally disastrous for everyone. Sexual infidelity takes many guises. I could have fancied my cousin secretly but done nothing about it. That's still infidelity. I guess we can't help who we are attracted to but we can help what we do is what most would say. Anyway if there is a book that people have read that could help me repair the mess that's left in all this I would truly appreciate knowing about this. Thank you all for your thoughts. I still feel like a useless worthless person and that I deserve to be hung but at least I know where the future is not. :cry:
  2. Hi everyone, I have looked at this forum for the past year and I am so hopelessly lost and would welcome any advice please. I am a lesbian and am nearly 40 and am married to a woman for 8 years. My cousin is in her mid 30s and she lives about a 2 hour drive away from me. Last year she contacted me via email and we had not been n touch since we were children, but even then we were never in touch. The last time I saw her was at her mums funeral and she was still a child as I was. She and I have had terrible childhoods but were kept apart by distance and family troubles. We started texting last year and she flirted with me and I flirted back. My partner knew all of this. I must stress that my partner knows everything that has since happened with my cousin and I. Then one day my partner and I suggested we meet my cousin in person for the first time. We did and I hugged my cousin and we hugged for what seemed like hours but was actually 30 minutes. The hug nearly turned into a kiss in front of my partner and it hurt her I know. I felt so sorry that I hurt my partner, but it was like an explosive had hit my heart. I know you all are going to tell me that I am crazy and that I have been so bad but it has happened. Since then my cousin and I have met several times and slept together, which was a little awkward at first as we were so scared of the whole thing but my partner knew it was going to happen and she even gave her blessing though I know this hurt her. To explain a little my partner and I kind of had previously thought about having an open relationship as she was interested in experimenting with a man. Recently my cousin and I fell out massively and she said she didn't want anything more to do with me as she told someone and they gave a negative reaction and then my cousin got scared. We haven't been in touch for 2 days nearly and it hurts like mad. I have never felt like this before about anyone and it scares me as I love her and I know she loves me too as she said so many times. I do love my partner. Yeah I know it doesn't seem like it, but we have had a rocky relationship too. I just don't know what to do. I feel bereft.
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