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Cuttinghimout

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  1. Cuttinghimout

    I broke him

    So I've been in constant communication with my cousin for the past week. He usually responds to my texts and I've taken him to do a few things around town. He's hinted that we can be a support system for each other. My cousin drops hints, instead of telling me things head on, so I've learned to read between the lines. He was kind of saying that when we stopped talking, he lost someone to confide in. Since I stopped speaking to him, it seems as if he has lost all of his self-esteem and self-confidence, while I gained mine. The other night, I went out with a friend of mine. She's a party girl. vs me, who is more of a homebody. I didn't get drunk or anything, but I did have a good time going to the different clubs. She sparked something in me that has really boosted my self-esteem. I want to be that confident girl who can be loud and have a good time too. But it's hard to let loose completely because I feel bad that I broke my cousin mentally. I mean, after we stopped talking, I thought I was in a mentally bad place. But apparently, I came out of it just fine compared to him. I don't know what I can do to fix it. I think he may need a psychiatrist. He has bad anxiety and depression. He worries about everything, and I thought I was a worrier! I just don't get it. I knew that when I stopped speaking to him, he would take it hard, but I didn't think I'd break him so bad emotionally. Since I've interacted with him and my outgoing amazing friend, I've realized just how far I've come on my journey and how much further I need to go. I'm not the same person at all. I'm on a breaking point of something great. Forgiving him for hurting me so bad was something that took me a while to wrap my head around. But I got there. I forgave him. I just hope I am not the true cause of his pain. Because he won't tell me. I don't want him back in any kind of way, but I do hope by speaking to him again, he will begin to heal. It seems like he has just been nursing an open wound for so long.
  2. Cuttinghimout

    Should I take him out to coffee?

    Yeah, I'm done thinking about him. Things can go back to the way they were before when we were younger. I didn't really care for him growing up, and only dealt with him when I had to. Back then, I at least liked the people he dated, but I can't stand his wife, so I probably won't say anything around her either. I tend to think that she might have left him..
  3. Cuttinghimout

    Should I take him out to coffee?

    I did end up buying him McDonald's. I wouldn't let him be hungry. That's just how I am, but I got him that on the way to his house.
  4. Cuttinghimout

    Should I take him out to coffee?

    So I dropped him off at home a while ago. I picked him up too. He literally lives 4 minutes away from me. Kind of odd, but whatever. We didn't talk about our past at all. Things were kind of tense. He complained the entire time because he didn't really want to help. It was basically a waste of time cause I ended up doing all the work. The thing that bothered me the most was that he was hinting at me peeing in a cup for him to do a drug test cause he's getting a new job and can't pass the drug test. I of course did not volunteer myself for that. Maybe his wife can give him what he needs, but I certainly can't. He hasn't changed at all, as far as using me for his own agenda. He's more whiney than he used to be. He's not the friend I had way back when. It's time to just let him go. His voice wasn't even the same.
  5. Cuttinghimout

    Should I take him out to coffee?

    Thanks for the reply! I'm going to see him today for the first time in a while. I'll definitely be paying attention to the way he's acting. Thanks for your advice. I'm beyond nervous. But hopefully everything is going to be ok. I'm hoping he's over me, and doesn't ask to start anything up again. Of course the answer would be, 'No,' but I just don't want to talk about it. Fingers crossed!
  6. Cuttinghimout

    Should I take him out to coffee?

    My cousin agreed to help my mom and I fix up my grandparents house. I didn't personally speak to him, but my mom and grandma did. He said he would help finish painting the master bedroom, which is where I'll be sleeping. I guess he seemed sad on the phone. He wouldn't say what was bothering him, but he called two more times to talk to my grandma after he agreed to help. I figure I should at least take him out to coffee or something to thank him for helping, plus there is some muddied water between us that needs to be discussed so things won't be so tense. Ever since I cut him loose, I have missed the friendship part of our relationship, and maybe some of that can be rekindled...Maybe I can just give him a gift card and leave myself out of it. I just don't want to be a chicken. I normally don't speak to people I've cut off, so this is kind of hard for me, trying to decide what to do. I know he'll know everything about what I've been up to because my grandma has told him. I'm just torn. This reunion was inevitable, I just don't know what to do.
  7. Cuttinghimout

    Going to have to talk to him again..

    So long story short, I have to move. The person I'm renting from is selling the house and I don't have the means to get another place of my own, so I have to move in with my grandparents until I can save up for a new place. The thing is, my grandparents' house is stuck in the 60s and it is in desperate need of maintenance and TLC. The main thing I want to do is fix up the room I'll be staying in, and my grandparents agreed that the room is in pretty bad shape. Only, they want my cousin to help repair some of the dry wall and put new windows in. They've already told him about it, and they want him to fix up other things in the house as well. So I'll be seeing him more often. It's been since 2010-2011 since I've stopped all contact with him, but at this point, I don't see any way of avoiding him. I'm really over what happened between us. Life has definitely gone on, and I'm not nearly as upset/hurt as I was just a few years ago. So I think I should make peace with him. Of course things will never be the same, but It's time to put things in the past. I don't really need his help to do anything, but I've got no choice because my grandparents want him to help. They never really understood how we went from being such good friends in our adulthood, to never speaking. So, it's a catch twenty-two. I'm ready to make peace though, I just have of figure out what to say and how to start the conversation. PS. I have another post about my situation, if you need a little background. The jest of it is that he cheated, got engaged, and didn't tell me all while still wanting a relationship with me. So yeah..
  8. Cuttinghimout

    The test of time

    Thanks, LadyC. That sounds like a good idea. and if I don't get to speak to him, I can always continue to pray for his parents.
  9. Cuttinghimout

    The test of time

    It has been nearly five years since I stopped speaking to my cousin. Tomorrow, I am going to a funeral and I'm sure he'll be there. Possibly alone, or with his wife. Lately both his mother and father have been battling a very bad bought of cancer, and only time will tell if either one of them make it to see next year. The funeral I'm going to is for another cousin, my mom's first cousin, so I guess I would be the second cousin of the deceased. Normally I wouldn't bother going to a funeral, I saw the deceased the week before he died, in hospice, because I knew that I may not attend the funeral, and I wanted to say goodbye and that I loved him while he could still see me and speak to me. The past month has had a lot of challenges, and I know that the entire family is stressed right now. But, with it being nearly five years since I've uttered a word to the cousin I was involved with and with it being the 8 year anniversary of when he first told me he had feelings for me, I'm not sure if I should express condolences to him, since he is losing both of his parents at the same time, or if I should just stay to myself. I am sorry that they are both so sick, and his sibling has kind of bolted away from both situations (their parents are divorced) so he is basically taking care of his mother by himself as she recovers from surgery. I don't know, this is kind of a hard situation, but I may need to clear the air with him if I want to attend any upcoming family gatherings, especially with the holidays coming around. I think I have healed enough from what happened previously, and have dealt with enough people in the past few years to not let whatever happens get me down too much.
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