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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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totallynormal

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  1. Why I hate organized religion and the church

    Disorganized religion isn't for everyone, but for those of us who practice it, it works very well thanks :smiley:
  2. Why I hate organized religion and the church

    Thanks :smiley: I think it's because most (not all) nonbelievers have a chip on their shoulders involving the churches & don't want anything to do with them. I have no misgivings towards the church or religion, I just don't believe in it.
  3. Not Sure What To Do

    Is he brushing you off because he is comfortable in the FWB situation you've got & doesn't want things to change? Or is it because he doesn't share your fears about telling the family? My cousin would brush my fears of telling our family aside, but only because he wasn't afraid of their reactions like I was (I used to care lol). Soon enough they found out on their own - in the WORST way possible & it wasn't pretty. But in time they got over it & came around <3 I would sit him down & tell him that sooner or later people are going to find out & trust me it's better to decide when/how to tell them than for them to find out on their own. If he's just interested in FWB then you need to decide if you're okay with that relationship, if not then you need to move on.
  4. Has anyone married in Colorado?

    There's a user here named ColoradoMarried, surely they can explain it to you, try pm'ing them maybe?
  5. My grill is calling me...

    I'm so sad, today was out last day for open burning of the season so from now on all my grilling will have to be in an actual grill. We didn't even bother putting a firepit because there are so many regulations regarding burning that it just wasn't worth it ( yes I respect the fact that we chose to move to this desert-area & the rules are put into place for our safety, but for a girl from swampy Pennsylvania - it's frustrating ) I cannot wait to move to somewhere that it rains lol
  6. Slow Cooker?

    I'm always afraid to cook chicken in a slow cooker, growing up I was always warned they didn't get hot enough for chicken. I know logically it's BS but I can't get passed it.
  7. Why do you feel guilty? Cousin relationships have been perfectly normal since the beginning of time - It's only recently we've decided that they are wrong/bad (for some stupid reasons & made up facts). The majority of people who have a problem with them either have never actually done any research or have known someone who was in an unhealthy one ( e.g. An adult taking advantage of an adolescent) That said, he could be not talking to you for a few reasons... A) He genuinely likes you & thinks that you are uninterested because of being cousins. He genuinely likes you & thinks you just aren't interested in him. C) He was drunk & isn't interested in you. D) He is interested in you but is embarrassed of being attracted to you because you're his cousin. Why are you so nervous to contact him? What is the worst that could possibly happen? He says Look I'm really sorry but I was drunk & meant nothing by it - you're my cousin. So what have you lost? Nothing because you don't even speak now. But what if he really does like you? Think of what you could be missing out on! How do you contact him? Just do it! lol Maybe send him a picture of something silly you know he'd like with a note saying 'Hey stranger, I know we haven't spoken in forever but I saw this & thought of you. How have you been?' "He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life" -Muhammad Ali
  8. Your favourite recipes

    ^ what she said!
  9. Why I hate organized religion and the church

    While I do not follow the Christian religion, as a child I attended (attended/forced to attend, whatevs..) church(es) with my family. Since I was never overly concerned about listening to the pastor's sermon, I spent my time watching the goings on around me instead (& hating the dresses I was put in, again..whatevs). While I can't say going to church helped save me from the damnation I was threatened with, I did learn a few things about organized religion. 1) People with a sour taste towards organized religion have most likely attended a bad church. This was the eventual downfall of my parents church attendance - Which to me seems a shame for them, if you have one bad experience at a grocery store do you stop going to all grocery stores? 2) People who end up at the 'wrong' church usually don't try to fix it, instead they end up frustrated & stop going. Even though my parents' beliefs were strongly Methodist they attended a Baptist church because that's what they had 'always been'. Instead of trying to find what worked for them they stuck with what they knew until their 'comfortable rut' got too uncomfortable & they quit going altogether. 3) Most (not all!) people do actually expect the pastor to have all the answers. The Bad Church we attended towards the end was like this & even the good churches we attended had some level of unhealthy ideology towards their pastor. I often times wonder which came first? Does the pastor think he is a holy being because the congregation treats him as such? Or has the congregation been groomed to do so by an egotistical pastor? Either situation is leading to a never ending loop that in my opinion is toxic & unhelpful to both sides of the pulpit - the congregation is not invited to entertain their own thoughts & feelings (which leads to no personal/spiritual growth beyond the limits given) & the pastor is led to believe he is above his congregation & anyone who questions him is either not a true believer or a nuisance that needs to be 'shut up'. I personally have no answer for this problem, LadyCs description of how a pastor's personality should be is IMO a healthy one, but IME not a common one. All that said I'm still not a Christian. And this has nothing to do with a bad church or bad blood over mistreatment. Almost all the churches we attended were very welcoming & a great source of social interactions, but for me that was all it was - a place to socialize, I just don't believe in the bible or the religion as a whole.
  10. Kindly help,in love with my first cousin

    My advice may be flawed because I know very little of India's culture but hopefully it's at least a little helpful <3 You said you've both had many discussions with your parents, but have you really sat down & told them how it's going to be? It seems like you are both asking for their permissions & obviously you are not going to get it. You are both adults, it's time to start acting like it. If your cousin is dead set on staying, you cannot force him to leave...sorry. I would sit them down & just say "Look, this relationship is GOING TO HAPPEN, you can either accept it or you can't - but you cannot stop us. If you do not accept us & continue trying to keep us apart we will leave & you will lose us forever. It's your choice." Maybe then they will finally get it threw their thick heads that you are committed to this. And if they don't, maybe it will be the push your cousin needs to leave with you.
  11. a second chance

    The divorce rates in the united states are over 50% for fIrst marriages (2nds are higher) are spouses disposable?
  12. Meditation anyone?

    #2 would probably drive me crazy on a sleepless night. No, by an off day I mean a day that I try to do #1 & my brain just won't shut up lol. Or if something is really bothering me, it helps to just follow the thought & see where it goes.. Have you ever seen the movie Wild? There's a part where she says something about going to most of the places in her head that she didn't want to go to, #2 is kind of like that. It's usually a thought that I would normally push aside because it's not something I want to think about (e.g. Mother's Day is coming up soon & my mom is gone) but if I just let the thought play itself out, it's not weighing on me anymore & I can let it go. I feel like I'm explaining it badly lol But hopefully you know what I mean.
  13. Your favourite recipes

    Americans are more likely to give you favorite foods that are regionally based rather than country-wide. I'd guess this has something to do with traditional meals still being passed down from our grandparents who (depending on where they migrated from) ended up in different areas of the country. I'm was born & raised in Pennsylvania so a lot of the foods we ate were Dutch in origin. My favorites though? Dutch Corn Pie Pickled Red Eggs (the kind with beets) Monkey Bread Corn Cob Jelly on homemade bread Perogies (potato & cheese!) Pepperoni Rolls (cannot find them where we live now ) For main dishes we had the same kinds of meats I'm sure most people eat - Beef, Pork, Chicken, Fish, Venison, Rabbit, Squirrel, etc etc. Usually cooked in a slow cooker or tho oven. The way my family cooked meats was kind of blah lol. I would also suggest Philly Cheese Steaks but you cannot get a good one anywhere but in Philly...
  14. Meditation anyone?

    There are dozens if not hundreds (if you count off-shoots) of kinds of meditation. How do I do it? That depends on how I feel that day. Most of the time I utilize a focused path, where I visualize a certain image (a color, a tree, a house..anything really but usually a tree) & focus on it for a set time. If my thoughts stray (& they will) I make an effort to stop the thought & go back to what I was focusing on. (This I've found is WAY easier with ambient sounds to focus on) If I am having a particularly off day I will forget about focusing on anything & just follow my thoughts. You just sit with your eyes closed & let your mind go to town, don't try to stop the thought - instead try to follow it all the way threw (which a majority of people don't do). Keep doing that with each new thought you have. If I am having a really horrible, terrible, awful day & I'm stressed way to far out I will fall back to what my therapist (old therapist - I don't go anymore) called touch therapy or touch meditation. It's where you pick an object (with a texture), close your eyes & rub your fingers over the object slowly & repeatedly. In your mind you focus on that sensation of touching the object & nothing else. If your mind wanders away you go back to it.
  15. E-Cigarette anyone?

    It's from vaping, which is how eciggs work. My partners sister uses eciggs & she had the same problem. I can't remember what was the solution to her problem but if you Google your symptoms I'm sure someone's got your answer.
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