I have been having daily panic attacks..i don't know if I should let this continue and just "go with the flow" or cut it off now before I get really hurt by this situation. I don't want to get more and more emotionally invested into something that will never grow into what I want in the long-term. (---> I don't think I've ever said those EXACT words to him so I'm going to write them down lol)
He says he understands how I feel but he keeps telling me not to let my fears and thoughts of the future control me. He keeps saying that no one knows what the future will bring so why let it make me feel so panicked in the present? He says to just let things be and let them play out however they play out. He is very introverted which makes this even more difficult. He can't speak his mind/thoughts/feelings as easily as I can and it is EXTREMELY difficult for me if that tells ya anything. He gives me mixed signals constantly and I don't know how to read him at all! He'll say things like: why are you so worried? I've told you how I feel about you. And then I say...."yeah, you've told me things that directly contradict each other such as: 'I never want you out of my life' and also 'I know this can't go on forever'." to which his response was: "yes, that is true..i don't ever want to stop talking to you." ughhhhhhh this is torture! Part of me wonders if I could possibly miss out on something real because I'll be waiting forever for him to love/commit to me. I asked him yesterday if I should keep my options open and he said he isn't going to make that decision for me but that it would upset him if I was with someone else. I told him if he were a "regular guy" I wouldn't be so panicked because then it wouldn't be so hard to just let it play out but since he is my 2nd cousin it is just not that simple. I have to hide how I feel around everyone else. I can't talk to anyone about it. He said he doesn't get why it has to be that way and why I can't just let it play out like if it were any other guy I was dating.
Sorry if this post is a run-on paragraph..i'm starting to freak out again.