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ObsoletePickle last won the day on January 19 2017

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  1. Just curious, Tom, will you have no opportunity to see her before the summer? Do you only see each other once a year? Do you communicate by phone, social media, etc?
  2. I wish I had known about resources like this when I was young and single. I'm glad there's a place like this for people to go to and feel safe. Hopefully one day the stigma will be gone.
  3. Friend, you get one shot at life. It is not too late for you. Please do not let your chance pass you by. If you don't act, you will wonder for the rest of your life what might have been. Even if you don't get the answer you hoped for, it's far better to know where you stand than wonder. God be with you.
  4. As with any other relationship, when someone asks for space, it's probably best to give it to them, not to mention the stigma which may or may not be the source of his grief. Give him the space he's requesting, but you may consider directing him here, especially if he's feels confused and alone because of the uniqueness of the situation. I hope it works out.
  5. I wanted to echo the sentiments of the original poster. It's too late for me, and though I've only made one other post here, reading everyone else's stories has been so therapeutic and has helped me to realize that there is nothing wrong with what I grew up feeling for my cousin and best friend, legally or morally. I wish everyone well on their journey. I hope everyone finds the strength to have the difficult conversation(s). May the Lord bless you and keep you.
  6. My story is one of not having the conversation until it was too late. I come from a very large and very close family, with many first cousins. One in particular whom I have been close with since we were teenagers, and for about that long I have had these feelings for her that I never knew how to deal with. I have been endlessly mesmerized by her deep eyes, golden skin, and flowing hair, combined with her fierce loyalty and fun personality. Only recently did it ever occur to me to explore the topic of cousin marriage. I always assumed that this was something that was simply not done. Even when I got married, these feelings didn't go away. What I believed at the time was "dealing with it" was nothing more than sweeping it under the rug and assuming it would just go away on its own. Then, when she got married, the feelings all came rushing back. On the one hand, I was truly happy for her, that my best friend had found someone to make her happy. On the other hand, it felt like something inside me died, knowing that someone was making her happy, and it wasn't me. As we have gone on in our adult lives, I continue to find out that her husband takes her for granted, doesn't accept responsibility for much, and is neglectful and distant. My wife is a good mother, but has had little romantic drive to begin with, and has gradually decreased to almost nothing over the years. The combination of these things, you may imagine, led to a lot of mental anguish for myself, that I simply felt I could not tell anyone who would understand. I was left, I thought, to look on from afar and wonder what might have been. After years of stuffing these feelings, I wrestled with the idea for many months of even discussing with my cousin these long-hidden feelings and attempting to bring some measure of closure to them. This week, I finally asked for an audience with her to discuss something that would not be easy, and I finally laid bare over a decade of bottled-up feelings that had plagued my heart, every day of my life. The anticipation turned out to be 10,000 times worse than the conversation. The only thing that she was upset about was that I had carried this pain for so long. She wasn't freaked out, and it was not the first instance she had heard of, of cousins having feelings for one another. She was not upset or shocked. She knew, as I had also come to recently find out, that it is far more common than society makes it out to be. For closure, I asked her if at any point she ever felt the same way. She did not, but said that I should not feel condemned or allow these feelings to hold me back any longer. This weight is off my chest and I am free of this pain. We remain best friends and will continue to support one another's marriages. If you do have these feelings and you believe you are both mature enough to have an honest conversation, you need to have it. Even if it doesn't lead to anything, you owe it to yourself not to live day and night in emotional turmoil.
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