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Posts posted by MissPrice

  1. If you are as serious about your cousin as it sounds like you are, and you are both currently single, you should speak up! We don't get many chances in life to be truly happy with someone, and if you think that highly of her, and are willing to commit yourself to her like that, then she has the right to know that someone loves her like that, and you have the right to give yourself a chance at that dream. 

    I carried a secret torch for my cousin from childhood, but never thought he would return those feelings. I was 29 when I finally told him, and he kissed me. We got married last spring. We've had to deal with some very difficult things since we got together, but what's never been hard is us. Being together is what gives us both strength and meaning. I spent years trying to tell myself that my feelings for him were a fantasy, that I wanted him because I couldn't have him, etc. That wasn't true. When you find the right person, you know. Don't let her slip away and be less happy with someone who cares about her happiness less because you are too afraid to take a chance.

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  2. Your story sounds similar in some ways to ours. My first cousin and I got together when I was 29 and he was 32. We too had been close since we were kids, except for a few years in my late teens/early twenties when we lost contact. We've been together for three years now, and we got married last spring. This site has been a great resource for me, hope it is for you and your cousin/partner too. Welcome!

  3. Charity, we can't give you good advice without knowing more about your situation, such as where you are, how old you and your cousin are, whether either or both of you is dependent on your family, etc. I would say the first thing you need to do is to take a pregnancy test. If you are two days past your normal start time, you should get a pretty clear result one way or the other. 

  4. As someone who has brought up this topic with doctors, I agree with KC that what a family doctor will tell you can be unpredictable, and often rooted in prejudice. One doctor seemed surprised but fine, but when I told my obgyn, she was obviously repelled, started treating me very differently, and tried to push me into getting an extremely expensive genetic test. I showed the test to my brother, who is in medical school, and he said it tested for a number of extremely rare genetic diseases (e.g., one that has only been see in 300 individuals in a closed Eastern European population, which is not part of my ancestry), and that it didn't test for thousands more that were more likely to be a problem. Do keep in mind that any genetic testing you have done is unlikely to be covered by your health insurance.

    The more you know about the genetic history of your family, the better off you are. Studies published on birth defects of the offspring of cousin couples have usually been in populations where this is a common occurrence, meaning the chance of birth defects is compounded over generations. Basically, if your ancestors also married their cousins, there is a higher chance of a recessive defect emerging. However, even in these studies, the chance of a birth defect is pretty low. 

    It is an increased risk to have a baby with your cousin, but less of a risk than any woman over 35 having a baby. Whatever you do, make sure you do your research and have as much information as you can to make an informed choice. And good luck!



  5. All laws related to cousin relationships and marriage vary on a state by state basis, which is really frustrating. For example, I and my husband/first cousin live in Ohio, where it is illegal for us to marry. There is a question on the marriage application that we would have had to lie on, and in the unlikely circumstance that anyone ever found out and decided to cause problems, it could have gotten very complicated for us. Additionally, my health insurance has a stipulation in it that it can't cover a first cousin as a "partner".

    However, Ohio has a law that states that they will accept the validity of marriages created in other states. We married in Tennessee, where first cousin marriage is legal, and Ohio accepts that as a legal marriage, and my husband is now covered under my health insurance under the category of "spouse", which doesn't have the same stipulation as "partner".

    I am not a lawyer, but it is my belief, based on the research I've done, that the federal law protecting gay marriage would win a case in a court of law for any marriage accepted by some states but not others. Because my husband and I now have a legally recognized marriage and all the protections that go with it, we are not going to be the couple to pursue this (unless we moved to a state where there was some question about the legality of our marriage). I do hope that someone will take it to court though, and that the legal rights of cousin couples will be recognized on a federal level, overriding all of this horribly frustrating and complicated state by state nonsense. Good luck with figuring out the details for yourself, and if you do find loopholes in your state as I did in mine, I'm sure other people here would appreciate if you shared that.

  6. So, your cousin is married, and has a secret girlfriend, and sometimes the two of you are intimate as well. Sounds like a recipe for drama and trouble to me. The bottom line for you is that she is married, and you need to respect that even if she doesn't. Sounds like you need to keep yourself out of any situation with her in which things "just happen". 

  7. You don't even have to go to a genetic counselor; your OB-GYN can order any of a number of genetic tests for you.  Even if your health insurance doesn't cover genetic testing, some companies have special rates currently, because they are trying to expand their market. That being said, Lady C is right, being first cousins only raises the risk of birth defects slightly. This is higher for specific populations where cousin marriage is common, so the more you know about your shared ancestry, the better.

  8. Hi Lilly - as someone who is happily married to her first cousin, I certainly don't think there is anything wrong with your feelings. However, you said he's fifteen. That's too young for a romantic relationship with a cousin (and for most guys, too young for a relationship at all). If you are seriously interested in him, wait until the two of you are both older. The age difference won't matter then. It's okay to feel how you feel, but try to put those feelings away for now. Be friends, concentrate on becoming the kind of woman you want to be, and if in a few years you still feel about him the way you feel now, that would be time to consider pursuing a relationship with him. 

  9. I'm a little confused by your story 1) you two are dating, but you've never actually met? ("I haven't met him in person yet, but I plan to very soon.") 2) He's already broken up with you twice, once getting together with someone else immediately afterwards?, and 3) You are both 18, correct?

    Assuming I got all three of those things right, this doesn't sound like a serious thing. Maybe meet him before you start talking about forever, in any context.

  10. If you are twenty and your cousin is five years younger, that means she's fifteen. That's too young to "date", even if the two of you aren't in a physical relationship. On the upside, it also means that her feelings about you might change significantly as she gets older, especially if the two of you are friends. Like Lady C and KC said, five years isn't a big difference... once you are both adults. I know it's tough, but I would highly recommend trying to put your feelings on the back burner for now, and concentrating on college and friends and all the fun things about being twenty. If you are serious about your cousin (which if you are looking up marriage laws I'm guessing you are), you have plenty of time, and you can spend that time turning yourself into the kind of man she could fall in love with. If you aren't, it's not worth causing strife in your family over now - you have to live with them for the rest of your life. :)

  11. Agree with quarter25. There are too many glaring warning signs with C to ignore; I read your long version, and she's already put you in bad positions multiple times, seemingly whenever she's had an opening to. It doesn't sound like there is much potential for a positive relationship there.

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  12. That's a tough situation to be in; I recommend that people only get involved with their cousins when they are interested in committing to serious relationship. A little late for me to offer that advice in this case though, obviously. It will be hard to get back to a normal cousin relationship, and it will definitely take time. It's possible your cousin wanted more than a fwb relationship with you. If that's not something you are interested in, you need to give him his distance. How many people manage to stay friends after they've been in a sexual relationship, even if it's supposed to be just sex? It happens, but it's less likely than not, and that's not taking into account the part about being family. If he's still recovering from his ex, that complicates things too. 

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