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Posts posted by MissPrice

  1. Well, it's your grandparents' house that he's helping with, right? So even though the bedroom is being painted because of you, it doesn't seem like you owe him anything. It also sounds like he was pretty selfish and unpleasant in the past. He is family though, and it sounds like you do want some sort of relationship with him, which is natural. Why don't you wait and see how he acts when the two of you meet again before making any plans? If he's reaching out to make amends and repair bridges, you'll know, and if he's not, you probably don't want to have coffee with him anyway.

  2. Justaman, from an outside perspective, I have to say that it sounds like your cousin is stringing you along. It's flattering to know someone is in love with you, and if you call her every morning and she knows you love her, that has to be an ego boost for her, but clearly, she still feels free to pursue romantic relationships elsewhere.

    I don't think you should try to hide it if what she's doing hurts you. You have every right to feel what you feel, and if she is as wonderful as you think she is, she'll respect your feelings and care about causing you pain, even if she doesn't love you the way you love her. On the other hand, no matter how much she cares about you, if you don't communicate what you are feeling, she is likely to trample all over your heart because she won't know how not to.

    Best wishes!

  3. Confused cousin - did you ask him, or did he tell you what exactly upset him so much? It's an important question, because there are a lot of misconceptions about cousin relationships out there (like you can't have children together, the bible forbids it, etc.). I just wonder if talking about it might make him more open to the idea. When my cousin and I first kissed, we initially agreed it could never be a thing. Now we're married, and our family and friends are aware of and accept our relationship. If you don't believe that's a possibility though - to have a fairly normal life together - the attraction can be really scary. 

    It's a tough place for you to be. I empathize, and I hope whatever happens, things work out well for you.

  4. Thanks for the clarification. Living in the US, I don't know much about how cousin relationships are regarded in India, or what culturally appropriate ways of telling someone you are in love with them would be. I will say that I think trying to decode someone's texting behavior will drive you crazy, no matter what culture you are in. There are too many reasons someone may/may not respond to try to interpret their feelings based on that. I would also definitely recommend searching these forums and reading other people's stories. It's certainly harder to figure out how to tell her that considering you see her so rarely, and harder to tell how she feels about you as well. I definitely wouldn't recommend telling her in a text though. :)

    Good luck!

  5. Physical relationships between cousins are a criminal offense in Texas, so that could cause some issues in terms of having your marriage recognized. Look at Section 25.02 of Texas Penal Code: http://www.statutes.legis.state.tx.us/Docs/PE/htm/PE.25.htm. It states that a physical relationship between cousins is a felony in the third degree.

    Each state has different laws regarding how they recognize marriage from other states. For example, my first cousin/husband and I weren't able to marry in Ohio where we live, but we were able to marry in Tennessee. Ohio law explicitly states that it recognizes marriages from other states, even when those marriages don't conform to the requirements for a license in Ohio. Thus our marriage license is valid, even though we couldn't get one here. I believe we also could have obtained an out-of-state license and had it signed by an officiant in Ohio (thus being legally married here) and that would still have been okay, but we chose to do the legal ceremony at the courthouse where we got our license in Tennessee.

    You'd want to find out how Texas handles marriages from other states, and whether or not that would protect you from prosecution under the law listed above. Personally, I would be a little concerned, maybe less about that, but more about whether, say, a health insurance company could refuse coverage if your marriage isn't legally recognized in the state you live in. It might be worth consulting a lawyer. 

    The legal side of cousin relationships is a real headache, in Texas in particular. Good luck!

  6. Sounds like you already know what you want to do: take some time to see if your feelings change. That sounds like a good idea, especially since you've only spent time with her in person twice. Giving it more time will probably also give you a better idea of her feelings for you. If your feelings for her continue to grow, and she seems to have feelings for you as well, then you can decide when/how you want to approach her. You may also want to do some research on how consanguineous relationships are regarded in the culture she lives in, as that will  almost certainly influence her response.

    • Upvote 1
  7. Well, I'd say the place to start is: are you in a position to pursue a relationship? You both have kids, do you have spouses/partners? How would it affect your kids and his if you did have a relationship?

    If he's telling you that you're attractive, texting you every day, and flirting with you, he's sending some pretty strong signals. Whether or not you should do something about that is an entirely different question.

  8. Ambra's right, she's just too young. In most places (certainly all 50 states in the US), you are legally an adult, and she is legally a child, so it's not just "frowned upon" for you to have a relationship with her, there are serious legal consequences that could put you in prison for years and on a sexual offender registry for life, regardless of how she feels about you. That's not something to mess around with. 

    When you are 26 and she is 20, you can always revisit this. Life is long. If you're soulmates, that will be the time to pursue something. Right now, even if you're soulmates, it's definitely not.

  9. She's been clear about her feelings for you, so it's probably not intentional, but she is absolutely asking too much of you if she wants to move in and have a platonic relationship with you after you told her you love her. The fact that she even asked means she's either oblivious. desperate, or a drama queen, because no reasonable person would intentionally put themselves (or you) in that uncomfortable of a situation. 

    I know it's tough when you have feelings, but maybe this will free you up to find someone else who loves you and considers how what they do affects you. Best wishes! :)

    • Upvote 1
  10. You posted the question about her moving in with you too, didn't you? 

    I'm sorry, but I also don't see this as a desire for a romantic relationship. The opposite, in fact. Menstruation and the pain associated with it are intimate things, but they aren't sexy. They're the kind of thing, in my experience, that women may talk to their platonic friends (usually other women or gay men), or to their long-term partners about, but not potential mates. Same with failed relationships. You don't usually try attract people with your mistakes. 

    You said in your other post that you told her two months ago that you were in love with her, and she told you she didn't reciprocate, and then you didn't speak with her again until she asked to move in with you for a couple of months (for financial reasons) while she gets set up in a new job. So she was telling you those intimate details before she knew you were in love with her, and she says your relationship is that of a brother and sister to her. You need to take her at her word on that.

  11. I hate to say it Franco, but I think you're probably right that she's trying to exploit you. If she told you clearly that she wasn't interested, and now she's just saying she wants help, it's probably not that's she reconsidered a romantic relationship. If this is what it looks like, it's an incredibly difficult and unfair position to put you in. I would be inclined to tell her no, but if you do decide to let her, Lady C is right, make sure the communication is good and the boundaries are clear.

  12. Living with a parent certainly complicates things, especially if you have a kid, and it makes sense to me that you wouldn't want to tell anyone unless you get serious. And people do have certain cultural prejudices, even if those prejudices aren't based in science or most organized religions (I think there's a Catholic ban). Our family really took it better than either of us expected though, our grandmother said it didn't surprise her at all, we always had so much in common. His mom, my aunt, said you can't help who you love, and I think she was actually thrilled, because she and I have always been close, and she didn't always care for his girlfriends. My dad was concerned, but ultimately accepted it. Figuring out when and how to tell family is tough, but family love can handle a lot.  There are actually advantages to cousin relationships too, and our family members are realizing that over time. We love the same people, and we can spend all of our holidays with them. If someone is in the hospital or needs help, one of us is always there. If there's a family conflict, we work together and use our individual strengths to solve it. 

    I'm not at all trying to persuade you to pursue a relationship with your cousin, just giving you some additional information to make decisions with that I wish I'd had earlier. If you ever want to message me directly, feel free to, and best wishes!

  13. Juan, it's hard to respond meaningfully when you give so few details. I could say anything from "Don't let her go! Declare your undying love, and convince her to stay with you!" to "Well, that seems like an impossible situation - better to let her go and move on" and I wouldn't have any idea if what I said was appropriate for your situation.

  14. First off, a question: why does being cousins mean you can't have a relationship? From your post it sounds like the reason is basically that you don't think your family would ever accept it. I totally get that, because it's what I thought. That's not always true though, and it wasn't in my case, for which I am very grateful. But when I first admitted my feelings of many years to my cousin and learned that he felt the same way, we decided it couldn't be a thing, because we didn't want to hurt our family. That, by the way, lasted about 48 hours before I told him screw it, they would learn to deal. They did too, and we're getting married in two weeks, family attending. :)

    I get that you're just out of a relationship, but if all you want is casual sex, I would say your cousin is not the place to find it. You two are stuck together as family forever. You could choose to have no relationship, but that fundamental connection still exists. It's inherently more complicated than some cute guy you met at a bar, which, as we all know from romantic comedies can get complicated by itself.

    If you feel like a relationship is impossible simply because you are cousins, here's some basic info for you: in the U.S., cousins can marry in many states: https://www.cousincouples.com/?page=states. In others (like mine) they can't, but they marry in other states, and then have their marriage recognized in the state they live in. Granted, in some states, most notably Texas, relationships between cousins are a crime. There is a slightly elevated risk to having children with your cousin, but not by much: http://www.nytimes.com/2002/04/04/us/few-risks-seen-to-the-children-of-1st-cousins.html.

    I realize you aren't asking (or even thinking) about marriage and kids, but those things plus family reactions are the main reasons people worry about this kind of relationship, so I thought I'd through the info out there.

    It sounds from your post like your cousin is really into you, and would like to have a relationship. If you don't, he needs to know that. There's a certain thrill in the forbidden, and if you feel like cousin relationships are forbidden, that can certainly make things hotter. But that will pass with time. What doesn't always pass with time is that someone is super special to you, and you love who they are and who you are with them. If that's the case, be willing to consider more than casual sex. If not, let him go.

    Best wishes to you whatever happens, and whatever you choose to do!

  15. The way I see it, there are two important things right now: how you feel, and how he feels. My guess would be that neither of you are sure, because if that happened to me, I certainly wouldn't be. 

    So, how do you feel? Do you want a romantic relationship with him, or do you just want things to go back to being what they were before? If you want a romantic relationship, you need to think about how that would go down with your family, and what that would mean. If you just want things to go back to what they were before, how are you going to get there? (Things probably can't be exactly what they were before, but from what you said, it sounds like you two are pretty close, so I doubt he's going to want no relationship with you).

    How he feels isn't something you can know without talking to him about it, and that might not be the easiest thing in the world. I don't like to overgeneralize, but young men aren't always the best at talking about their feelings. He's probably avoiding you because he feels some combination of guilt/desire/regret/confusion/personal embarrassment, and doesn't have any idea what to do.

    You can do nothing, and leave the ball in his court, or you can figure out your own feelings (at least to some extent) and try to talk to him about it. Personally, I'm a fan of taking charge of a situation, but that's something you have to decide for yourself. It could certainly help if you have someone you who knows you and that you trust who you could talk to about this, but I also understand that it's the sort of thing you don't necessarily want to tell anyone you know personally about.

    Please feel free to message me directly if you'd like to talk off the forums, and best of luck to you!

  16. Unfortunately, I don't think anyone on this forum can answer your question - the only person who can is your cousin. There are countless reasons he may message/not message you. I must say though, I don't know of a lot of 20 year old men who would be willing to commit themselves to a long-distance relationship, but I do know a lot who would flirt under pretty much any circumstances.

  17. So my first question would be: what kind of romance are you hoping is possible? If he lives overseas and you don't speak the same language (I'm curious how you manage to have conversations, that being the case), that limits the potential for a relationship pretty severely. Additionally, I'm assuming that if there are language and country differences, there are also cultural differences. None of these are insurmountable barriers, but they certainly make things more complicated. If he were to tell you he was in love with you, what then? Would you have a long-distance relationship? Would you go to him? Want him to come to you? It sounds like he's flirting with you, but he's probably not sure where that can go. I'm not sure either, thus the question: what do you want to have happen?


  18. 4 hours ago, ibrahim said:

    The Past she has is difficult maybe that makes her like hard-hearted and that's the reason and the attitude she has.

    I wasn't asking why she was hard-hearted though, I was asking why you would want to marry her, if you see her as hard-hearted. Personally, I wouldn't want to be with someone who wasn't warm and affectionate.

    On 3/7/2017 at 7:57 AM, ibrahim said:

    it makes me angry coz she doesn't have any feelings even after knowing my feelings

    No one ever owes anyone else love. You can't make your cousin feel anything for you, and your feelings don't oblige her to reciprocate. You can only offer her what you have, and then let her accept or reject you as she chooses. That's what love is: opening yourself up, and giving without the expectation of receiving.


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