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Justaman

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Justaman last won the day on February 5 2017

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  1. Justaman

    How long were you scared for?

    This is the only time I've posted a question. Normally I just vent. Which post did you comment on?
  2. Justaman

    How long were you scared for?

    Some of you have read about my cousin and me, and I feel that this whole thing scares her and that's why she doesn't want to start anything. So im wondering, if you were the scared one in the relationship, how long did you go before letting go of the fear and what helped you let go of it?
  3. I think that's whats happening with my cousin. I think she is scared. I've told her how I feel and she gives me hints of wanting more, but then when we do something a little more romantic, she closes up. How long did it take you to get over the fear? To finally let yourself go.
  4. Justaman

    An update

    MissPrice, She knows how I feel, I've never lied to her. And I know how she feels. She thinks it's weird. I told her that it's hurting too much to keep going the way I do, but at the same time, I am still always going to be there whenever she needs me. I'd rather her be happy and with someone else, than unhappy. Thank you for the advice. She isn't trying to trample over my heart, she genuinely cares for me and loves me, just not in the same way.
  5. I envy all of them too. I love my cousin. I'm actually visiting her now, I know she likes me and loves me, but thinks it's weird for us to be together. I feel like I'm dying in the inside. It hurts to breath, and I can barley eat, when I take her out I force myself, and feel sick after. It sucks, but maybe one day it'll all be ok
  6. Justaman

    An update

    So last time I posted I wrote about how much in love I was with my cousin. That hasnt changed. I feel even more in love with her now. We talk quite a bit, I call her every morning to make sure she is awake in time, which means I get less sleep, but that's ok. I love hearing her voice every morning. Every so often when we talk she says that she is finding it less and less weird, like a relationship with me. She thought it was weird after we both talked about things. I feel like she gives me hope that one day she will be fully ok with the two of us being together. Ive been to see her 2 times since my last post. I love seeing her, and she likes seeing me. I surprised her this morning by showing up early and she was so excited. We spent part of the day together and we talked quite a bit. And then it happened. She said she had been seeing a guy for a couple of weeks. I died a little on the inside. Mat that moment I felt my heart stop. I tried to not let her see what I was feeling, and I think I did a great job hiding it, but I'm dying on the inside. I don't know what to think anymore. She gives me hope for months, she enjoys spending time with me, she acts like there will be a shot and now this. I think it's time to try and stop the way I feel. I love her so much, I'm in love with her, and how can you blame me? To me she is Perfect! I love everything about her and I would do anything to make her happy. And I think this is what I have to do to make her happy. I guess it's true what they say, if you love someone, you gotta let it go. I know now how I'm gonna feel, I'm gonna be devastated. It's gonna be some sad weeks to come, but it is what it is. I just gotta be strong and not let her see how I feel. I just gotta be strong.
  7. I don't think it was a mistake to leave your marriages. If you were unhappy and things didn't work out, then it was best. I hope you find a way to get back together with your cousin. I am still working on mine, but she still thinks it's weird. If there was a magical way to remove the weirdness, I would do it for her. I know what true love is, only after I connected with her. I wish you the the very best.
  8. I mean it as residence. The fact is that most states will never ask for a marriage certificate because they accept marriages from other states and countries. I'll look up the rules for Nevada and let you know what i find
  9. What state do you live in? I work in the law and can look up the information you need, but I need to know where to look. If the tribe recognizes your marriage you could just stay on the reservation. The US courts have no jurisdiction on any reservation as long as it doesn't break federal law. And even then it's very little authority. The state could not do anything to you there. Some states even have ways around their own rules.
  10. Just tell him. If he loves you then you won't be a second anymore. I told my cousin how I felt. She wasn't ready to hear it, not sure if it's because of her ex who she is still in love with or because it's to weird for her. Either way, I can't get my mind off of her.
  11. That's a great story. I'm in the same boat as you except with some changes. For me I found writing everything down helps a little. But as with all love, it takes time
  12. Honestly I would be true to myself. Tell him exactly how you feel and let him make the decision. I love my cousin so much, but she just got out of a relationship and she can not look past it. If he loves you back, let him come to you. Let the love for each other grow and it just might be the best relationship of your life. For me, she is the joy of my life. The idea of us being together keeps me alive, dreaming of her helps me get sleep and talking to her is the reason I get out of bed in the morning. I survive each day knowing that there might be a chance.
  13. Justaman

    Update: Im not sure what's happening

    Thanks Juan, I feel like it's best to put it out just the way it is. The raw passion that comes from the heart is the only thing I have now. I am on day 3 of my journal. It's turning out to be more like the diary of Anne Frank. I wish I could post stuff from there here, but I think one day she will look at this site and see it. It may just freak her out before she is ready. I still miss her. We talked on the phone today and the sound of her voice made my heart jump for joy. I felt her smile through the phone. I've never been in love like this before. I just hope and pray that one day soon she will get over her ex and give us a try. I know I can make her happy and she already makes me happy. What more is there in this life?
  14. Justaman

    Update: Im not sure what's happening

    Fist let me say thank you for this forum. I feel like I can just talk here. So i left today and the entire plane ride my mind was on her. My heart was beating just for her. Before I left I told her that I would miss her and she said that I wouldn't miss her for long. But I think I'll miss here every moment of my life. Parts I removed before. She got out of a very serious relationship with the first person she loved a couple of months ago. Currently she just can't allow herself to love or be in love with anyone else. She wants him back but I know it's not going to happen. I told her how I feel, how I really feel and I told her that I want to take things slow with her because I want things to work out. She told me that she will only be fully happy with him, which I understand. It's a first love. It's the love we base all loves on. For me I was just looking to see if there would even be a possibility and I'm sure there could be, but she will need time. Lots of time. And I can accept that, but I'm heart broken. Heart broken because I can't be around her, heart broken because I've never felt like this about anyone and I'm even married. I feel like my heart was taken out of my chest. I can't breath, when I close my eyes I only see her. I dream about her and I have never dreamt about anyone like this before. I know she needs comfort and support right now and I'm going to give it all to her. I even told her that I would leave here and move there just for the chance of a life with her. I know it probably wasn't the smartest thing to do, and normally my words are very calculated, but with her I could not keep them inside. With her I strive to be a better person and would do anything she asked because my soul is hers, my mind is full of her, I go to sleep this way, I wake up this way, she haunts me like a ghost. And this isnt lust, I know lust and to me this is so much deeper than that, my soul cries that we aren't together. But I have to just keep telling myself that she needs time. I just hope that because of where she is in her mind and with her ex love, that I didn't scare her away. I told her that the ball is in her court and that if she wants to try, I'll be there instantly. As for now, I told her that I'll be there anyway she needs me to and that I will not bring up these feelings anymore. Only time will tell if this will work, but I don't think I'll ever be as happy as when I get to see her, even if for just a moment, even if just when I close my eyes. I decided to to start a journal on all of this. One per day and see how things go over time.
  15. I removed the old post because i wanted to send her to this site, and didn't want to make her feel weird that our story was on here. But here is an update: Today i told her how i felt, how i really felt and we talked about it for a while. She just got out of a very serious relationship and she said she wants to take some time to think everything through, she wants to see if she does not want to because we are cousins or because she still has her ex on her mind. I told her that i wanted to start and take things really slow, like slower than a normal relationship because that would make things less weird in the long run, but that if we gave this a try, i believe this would be the most amazing thing ever and that i love her more than anyone ever can. We had a great day and i honestly hope that this works out. At least she knows how i feel. I told her that you can not help who you fall in love with, and i will always be by her side no matter what she decides. After tonight, she said that she doesn't think she will ever be as happy as she was with her ex. And that she has too strong of feelings for him to think of me in that way. I will continue to support her in every way that i can, and when i leave tomorrow to go home, i will tell her that the ball is in her court, and that i will not bring it up again. I want her to be happy and even though she is the one who brought the whole thing up, I don't want to push her into something she is not comfortable with or is not ready for.
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