So last time I posted I wrote about how much in love I was with my cousin. That hasnt changed. I feel even more in love with her now. We talk quite a bit, I call her every morning to make sure she is awake in time, which means I get less sleep, but that's ok. I love hearing her voice every morning.
Every so often when we talk she says that she is finding it less and less weird, like a relationship with me. She thought it was weird after we both talked about things. I feel like she gives me hope that one day she will be fully ok with the two of us being together.
Ive been to see her 2 times since my last post. I love seeing her, and she likes seeing me. I surprised her this morning by showing up early and she was so excited. We spent part of the day together and we talked quite a bit. And then it happened. She said she had been seeing a guy for a couple of weeks. I died a little on the inside.
Mat that moment I felt my heart stop. I tried to not let her see what I was feeling, and I think I did a great job hiding it, but I'm dying on the inside. I don't know what to think anymore. She gives me hope for months, she enjoys spending time with me, she acts like there will be a shot and now this.
I think it's time to try and stop the way I feel. I love her so much, I'm in love with her, and how can you blame me? To me she is Perfect! I love everything about her and I would do anything to make her happy. And I think this is what I have to do to make her happy. I guess it's true what they say, if you love someone, you gotta let it go.
I know now how I'm gonna feel, I'm gonna be devastated. It's gonna be some sad weeks to come, but it is what it is. I just gotta be strong and not let her see how I feel. I just gotta be strong.