Hope you're doing well. I was a right lurk on this site, and eventually decided to join.
My story is a little complicated, and long, please do bear with me.
I'm from India, with a culture vastly different from the West. Marriages here very heavily rely on parental consent.
I'm 25, and am in love with my first cousin, who is my father's younger sister's son. He's two years elder to me. We grew up together, but I never paid any particular attention to him. It's only since recently when I got to know him that I started to appreciate him. I'm the sort of a person who is attracted to the brain, so I really admire his knowledge and intellect. In the beginning, he sort of looked like he was interested in me, and this was noticed by the rest of our relatives at a family get together, and most of his conversations with me were about marriage, life partners, future, and that sort of things. This sort of went on for three months, and after that he sort of seems quite distant. Like he isn't particularly interested in talking to me.
Anyway, my family is happy with this match, and have conveyed our wishes to his mother, through a third party, who is also a relative. It's been almost 2 months, and there has been no response from his mom. I've been told that she hasn't even spoken about it to him. She hasn't said yes or no even when pressed.
However, two days back I had a disagreement with my aunt, and I'm scared that it has spoiled whatever chances I had with him. He had mentioned to me once before that he is ok with an arranged marriage. He hasn't got good relations with his father, and doesn't speak to him unless it's required, so he doesn't care much about his father's choice. In fact, his father isn't in this picture at all so far.
I do love him very much, and from where I stand at the moment, I can't see myself ever being able to move on and find someone else, though my friends assure me that it isn't the be all, end all.
I have thought about telling him my feelings sometimes, coz I feel I might burst, but I really don't have the guts.
If there is any sort of advice you can offer, please do.