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Santoro last won the day on October 13 2017

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  1. Hi KC, as you correctly stated Wikipedia is not an academic source and should only be used as a reality check. My personal opinion about wikipedia is that is not valid especially about history or politics issues. Quite often though it can be a starting point for a research. I didn't keep in mind the particular web page in the cc website, that's why i didn't mention it and thanks for you doing it. I would suggest Febin to make a new thread or change the title of this thread to something like «Is marriage with my first cousin legal or illegal in India?». This could attract members attention who live in India or know a lot more about indian legislation.
  2. Well... in my country, Hellas (Greece), it was the 7th degree of relation the «safe» limit to «enter» such kind of relationships. In other words, second cousins were not allowed to get married, unless there was a valid reason for this and only under the permission of the bishop. Though the influence of the church has decreased over the hellenic society during the last 40 years (which is bad in my opinion), many people still believe that marrying your second cousin is kinda sick or illegal. The Hellenic Orthodox Church having realised the progress of Genetics (priests despite the blame, they don't live on a planet other than Earth...) has hopefully changed the terms and conditions about the church marriage (those actually that have to do with biological relation issues). I can't recall this now when this happened (late 70s or early 80s). It is certain that both the national legislation and the religious rules have changed since many years but not the way people handle the issue. In past years a second cousin marriage here was -let's say semi-legal- but as Hellas wasn't that urbanised many people, especially in the rural areas and villages, were exerting pressure to the local priests in order to marry their second cousin. Though the country has been totally urbanised in 80s and afterwards, though the laws have changed (the limit now is the 5th degree- that is you can marry your first cousin once removed), lots of people consider that marrying your cousin is something bad. And yes, marrying your first cousin is still forbidden. Unfortunately, we witness everyday symptoms of social decline in the name of the «human rights» (aka political correctness), sexual freedom and so on but marrying your cousin is still regarded to be bad. No, i don't want cousin marriage to be fashion, life-style, or part of culture as it is in other countries or areas (Middle East, etc) but i would expect a more fair approach by people and politicians. Cousin marriage is not definitely for all of us, but cousins who love each other and want to make a family are normal people and they don't commit a crime. This has to change but i don't see this happening.
  3. I am in love with my second cousin. Though i do recognise that's a situation much easier to handle than to be in love with your first cousin, there still problems on the way people realise the issue. Yeah, I have spoken to my friends about my feelings for her. My best friends reacted and still do in a very supportive and enthusiastic way. Some first cousins were ok with it, too. Most people actually neglect what Law, Church and Genetics say about the issue. Regardless if people approve or not cousin relationships, most of them don't have a clear idea about the Legislation. However, the head ache in such cases is the families and how they are gonna see it.
  4. Hello Michael, i am an Hellene like you and in love with my second cousin, too! But… As i have said to another friend here in the phorum, I belong to those that they don't demonise cousin relationships but at the same time don't encourage other people to be engaged is such relationships, simply because such relations are not for all of us. The most important thing for me is to love and be loved. I would totally agree with KC. If you really love her and she does love, yeah this is all the matters. Check how your families would react by knowing about your relationship and be prepared to encounter both positive or negative impact by family and friends. In my opinion, such stories between cousins are worthy only if there is deep love. They do demand hard stomach! Edit: just saw that the message posted by Michael is about a year old… Michael, if you see our answers to your post here, let us know about your story. Good luck!
  5. Don't be scared of words! In my mother tongue, you would be described as a distant aunt of him or he as a distant (third) nephew of you. I sketched a family tree in order to identify the degree of your relationship and talking about the hierarchy you are one level up to him. This made me to tell you that he is a distant nephew, though i know that the expression used in english is «Nth cousin removed x times» where N is 1 or 2 or 3 and x is once, twice, or three times. You ask «Wouldn't he be twice removed because he is the grandson of my mother's first cousin?» No. Your mother and his grandma are first cousins, right? So, you and one of his parents (i think you don't mention which) are second cousins. So, he is second cousin once removed. Am glad that the only big distance between you two is this one of genes!
  6. I belong to those that they don't demonise cousin relationships but at the same time don't encourage other people to be engaged is such relationships, simply because such relations are not for all of us. The most important thing for me is to love and be loved. Being in a relationship with a first cousin shouldn't cause the dramas we all know (in most western societies) but shouldn't be something treated lightheartedly. So, my advice is… wait! Wait to see if your attraction is deep and sentimental, or just a fling or a physical one. There are plenty of girls out there for the latter. If you realise that this girl is something more than important in your life, speak to her like a real man, face to face, by exposing directly and clearly your feelings for her. If you think that this could be a big leap for which you are not ready yet, then just wait and see how she reacts when she receives from you signs of love, gradually. And am talking about man love, not cousin love.
  7. If you live in the US please check this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cousin_marriage_law_in_the_United_States_by_state If you live in an another country, please let us know. The most likely is that you can marry your cousin legally. Good luck!
  8. You have a 7th degree relation with your distant nephew, or he is second cousin once removed. You have only 1.56% of common DNA and the coefficient of inbreeding is 0.78% !! In practice that means that the relation between you two is so weak as if you were two unrelated persons, say two strangers in the street. I don't think that there are legal or religious obstacles stopping a marriage between you, especially if you live in the USA. In my country, Hellas (Greece), few decades ago the 7th degree of relatedness was the threshold for validating a marriage (or not) and in some cases they could accept a marriage between two 2nd cousins. However, this has changed hopefully since several decades and it is now the 5th degree the critical limit. Good luck to you!
  9. Dear all at cc, I became member of your website in order to help people who are sentimentally connected with their cousin make their life as much easier as possible by providing them valid information. Hope this will be particularly useful for hellenic (greek) people who want to marry their second cousin or first cousin once removed (defteranipsiòs/defteranipsià in hellenic) but also for non Hellenes who would like to compare the reality towards the cousin marriage in their country with the hellenic one. First of all, i would like to inform friends here at cc that Hellas (Greece) is certainly one european country where marriage between 4th degree relatives (that is first cousins) is not allowed. Both the Hellenic Orthodox Church (for those who want to have a church wedding) and the State through the National Legislation (for those who want to have a civil wedding) ban the first cousins wedding. I am quoting the relative hyperlinks right here: Terms and conditions about the church wedding according Hellenic Orthodox Church: http://www.ecclesia.gr/greek/holysynod/commitees/dogma/dogmatics-0001.htm Terms and conditions about the civil wedding accoding to Astikós Kódhikas (Civil Law-pdf file): http://www.poes.gr/images/nomoi/kodikes-kanonismoi/astikoskodikas.pdf As Civil Law is a whole tome, just focus on articles 1350–1371. The critical article is 1356 which clearly states that the wedding between relatives up to the 4th degree is not allowed (literally stated "the wedding is prevented"). If you ask me, though not allowed, i sincerely don't know if there is legal punishment in case where two first cousins get married in Hellas. As a general rule for my compatriots who are seeking valid advice… If you are in love with your second cousin (6th degree relation) or with your first cousin once removed (5th degree relation - that is with your dad/mum cousin or the child of your first cousin), then there is no legal or religious obstacle to get married. Any obstacle opposed by families is just a mind job whose foundations are far from scientific proof and Genetics. After having asked friends who live in Italy, i got the answer that the italian law is similar with the hellenic. I think that many european countries (especially the catholic and orthodox ones) don't allow the first cousin marriage or they do it upon strict conditions. So, just for the sake of precision, Hellas (Greece) is defintely a European country where (first) cousin marriage is not allowed. So, talking about facts about cousin marriage here in the cc webpage https://www.cousincouples.com/?page=facts there is room for some revision in fact no3. With best regards, Santoro
  10. Hello Maya, i pressume from your (nick)name that your origin is hellenic (greek), as mine. As far as i can see, things are not that bad in your story. They could be far worse, believe me. It is a huge open window of hope the fact that your own family isn't very hostile with the idea itself of you dating your cousin. Thinking of marriage this now is too early, you have a whole life ahead of you two to make plans for it. Concerning love stories between first or second cousins within the so called western societies (North America and Europe) i came to the following conclusion after having read too much in the internet and contacted people that have a love connection with a relative of 4th degree and forth... : one of the two sees the whole situation either in panic/guilty/strange state . This seems to be by far the most common situation for this kind of couple in love. They usually keep it secret from family. both sides see their situation negatively, described as above. Again, they usually keep it secret. both sides neglect any pressure, or they feel ok with what they have and life goes on normally for them. It seems you belong to the first group. I wish you all the best with your boyfriend (i emphasize the man aspect of him, not the relational deliberately) because such stories demand durability, strength and of course good luck, especially when they involve distance. All the best Maya.
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