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A.R Wright

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  1. It's almost bizarre how similar situations are! I totally get how you feel about the whole mutual respect thing. In my case I don't think he has a girlfriend at this point though I am unsure. He has had many casual short-lived relationships in the past few years. But what really got me is his lack of respect for me. a few months ago his father had a fall off the roof of his summer home and I texted him asking how his father was. He never responded to this. This to me was just unfathomable. I would respond to a message like this even if it came from my worst enemy. So at this point I am just angry. To be honest at this point I'm a little bit apathetic about seeing him. For almost two years literally he was all I could think about. I dreamt about him I thought about seeing him. I even had fantasies about what our marriage and our children would be like. But everything that's happened has made me think otherwise. It seems like I've become just a background character in his life. As for the intimacy, we used to play this game where we would go off into the wilderness where we both summered and played something along the likes of doctor. Though unlike you and your cousin we never shared a kiss we spent all summers like peas in a pod always two steps beside each other. I am beginning to ramble wistfully but I guess I am coming to terms with the fact that the best idea would be likely not to divulge my feelings for him. particularly since it's starting to become clear that he doesn't feel the same way. Otherwise he would have made an effort to keep in contact. I don't know if he will ever see this and even if he did I don't think he would care. and you are right it's important to hold out for someone who respects you and treats you properly and not to settle for someone who doesn't even if you love them with all your heart. I totally understandand the feeling of being unable to forget. It sounds like he was being a coward and my cousin is being one as well.
  2. What an incredible jerk! I am so sorry that that happened to you. He wasjust being a total a****** by doing that. It sounds like he knew how you felt and rubbed it in your face. well I don't think I would ever want to speak to him again. And I totally understand you're broken trust. I would not trust somebody like that either. I'm going to try and keep things light at this Christmas. It's going to be a very big gathering 35 + people so getting him alone might be difficult. in all honesty we haven't been in touch for the past 3 months. Though I have texted him just to say hello he never responded. So I'm probably not going to do any over-the-top love confession which to be frank was my original plan. I just wanted to get it off my chest it hurts so much it hurts so so much being so in love with him for such a long time. I think I'll just ask him about his life and see if if there's anything that used to be there still there. We used to care for each other deeply and I only hope that still the case but who knows. People do change after all
  3. From my blurb it definitely sounds like I have. And for the past little while I definitely feel like Imy only indication that he did is that we did actually have a sexual encounter some time ago. We didn't go all the way but things happened. I won't go to an explicit detail and I will keep this PG-13 but it didn't make me feel like maybe there's something between us. As children we summered up north and spent all of our time together. I imagined we were just close friends which we were. so there is a possibility I'm letting my feelings run away with me. It's me that's been in love with him for years and I never knew if it was the other way around or not. It's hard when you're so blinded by love you can't really see proper perspective. I think in a way I was just being a bit selfish. It destroys you to feel a true deep overwhelming unrequited love for somebody for so many years and I just wanted to get it off my chest. I figured what have I got to lose? We don't see each other often anymore. We used to see each other Thanksgiving and for 2 months when my family spent summers at our home up north. But that is very much in the past. I think what led me there was more the dynamics that we've had with each other's last time we've seen each other. He spends most of his time staring at me and maybe that's just him being awkward. on the one awkward date we had allowed me to touch his hair and stroke his hands. There was one strange moment where I thought he was going to kiss me and didn't. So this could just be another case of a runaway heart. I'll keep things like this Christmas and see how it goes. I guess it's more like a twisted knife that I just wanted to pull out of my chest.
  4. Thank you for your response! I've been so nervous about this day. we're going to a family gathering in the suburbs where he lives. I guess that's what I don't want to find out. I have no idea if he started to see somebody. I guess I'm just so in love with him I'm hoping that's not the case. for about a year we talked flirtatiously and he became progressively more stoic as the months went on and more formal in his response. it is very confusing when someone acts one way when you were with them and communicates with you another. When I saw him he was very warm and loving. But now I feel out in the cold. I am very nervous but I think you were right the only way to tell him is in person. It's challenging because it's a big family gathering but I'm going to try and build up the courage and take him aside and tell him how I feel. but before I do that I will definitely ask about what's going on with him. And why he's been out of contact. I'm going to try not to be too confrontational but I just want to know. Why the switch from warm loving man too cold and stoic and formal. I I'm very grateful for this forum. My family is especially conservative and saying that I am in love with my cousin would not go over well with them at all. So this is the only place I can really discuss it. 🙂
  5. This is a continuation of an incredibly long story that I told back in 2017. I entitled it had to get it off my chest nowhere else to turn. From that point I got a lot of great advice but things have taken a bit of a strange turn. A brief background my cousin and I have known each other our entire lives. I've been in love with him since I was small and after being out of touch for quite some time we reconnected about 5 years ago at my great uncle's birthday. Things went okay from there we stayed in touch texted and I even went on a date of sorts with him. I went out to the suburbs where he lives and we shared a coffee. Without going off the rails and writing down my life story we are seeing each other again this Christmas. I haven't seen him for two years now. for the first year after I saw him at Christmas two years ago things were fairly normal in the sense that we would text back and forth and even though he was more stoic than he used to be he seems like he genuinely cared. At this point it has been 4 months since we have had any contact. I have no idea what's going on in his life anymore and I'm feeling a little sad that we have lost touch. Unfortunately I'm still deeply in love with him. Is there any purpose in telling him? Getting straight to the point how do I tell him or should I just keep it to myself now. When we saw each other two years ago he was very flirtatious and allowed me to touch him stroke his hair and when we went on our one and only date before he left he looked at me as if he was going to kiss me and left. Sometimes I tend to read into things but our history that we have together suggests otherwise. I don't really know what to do. Should I tell him? Or would this just make the shattered remains of our relationship even worse. I don't want to make things worse between him but I've been holding this weight on my chest for very very long time. Thank you for all of your help.
  6. Well good news to this Lord of the Rings length ramble of mine. It seems my cousin and I have reconnected. He was incredibly sick for a while and has explained himself. As for the dating it seems to be a long process. He is still hesitant to see me in person but we have gone back to flirtatiously texting. If anyone is still listening, you've got to be a champ to have made it to page two haha, I am just wondering if I should pursue him further. We have both backed off quite a bit and I have stopped asking him to come into the city. But he seems much more open to texting and we enjoy chatting with each other. Men are confusing sometimes. Should I take this as shyness? I am trying to be patient but I want to enter into a serious relationship and he seems to afraid of the repercussions. Anyways if anyone's still listening how did you deal with the initial hurdle of the beginning stages of a relationship?
  7. Oh well. I have tried staying in touch. I have been sending him the occasional hello how are you since Christmas. It's very hard to give up on someone when you know you love them and would do anything for them. I just needed to vent. I can't exactly vent to my mother about it and even my therapist thinks my love for my cousin is wrong. Thanks for your help and support. I know we will see eachother at the next family event, that being next October, so it's not the end of the world. Maybe we will be able to have a conversation about our feelings then. I was hoping he would make the effort and come into the city to see me but obviously he doesn't care enough about me to do so or is ashamed that he ever did. I will always love him which is unfortunate for me. I am very grateful to have found somewhere to discuss. It's hard keeping all of this inside for so long. Thanks again.
  8. What a holiday. Things did not go as planned unfortunately. My grandparents did not end up going. They were afraid to drive in the storm. Things have taken a weird turn since then. I thought I was handling things delicately enough but it seems that, either I am being deeply paranoid, of our family has caught wind of our under the radar romance/my unrequited love for my cousin. Since Christmas he has been sending me deeply impersonal text messages and for almost ten days I have heard nothing from him. The last time we spoke and I told him things might not work out he said and I quote "If you can make it that would be great if not I'll probably be able to come into the city during the break! I'm sure we'll see eachother during the break!" Of course Christmas holidays are over and I have heard nothing. The last message I got from him was "I know it's too bad they couldn't make it. Hope you and the family had a great holiday" a d nothing since then. I feel like maybe I let things slip and revealed too much about my feelings for him. I don't believe he is encouraged to see me and that he is intentionally staying away because of my feelings for him. It's especially troubling since when we're together I can feel his love for me. He used to be so affectionate and caring. Now I feel like I'm out in the cold. I guess love does not conquer all after all.
  9. Sorry for the various spelling errors. Tis the season to be running around in circles shopping so I typed this response out on my phone. I actually imagined he and I are getting married. We are so similar and is clear to both of us that we love each other. I'm reiterating again that I'm so happy I found this for him and other people who had the courage to pursue true love in the face of adversity and, more importantly, the Wrath or potential Wrath of their families. Possibly the greatest hurdle of all, at least in my eyes
  10. I certainly understand not reading the whole thing lady see! It is a very long and complicated story :-) as for why I'm not standing up to her. We have a very difficult relationship and even though I have graduated college and I'm starting a first career things are still a bit tense. It's not really so much that I am afraid of disobeying her it's more that going up to the suburbs where he lives has become technically complicated. It's the same reason that I didn't go to Thanksgiving or to the summer home during this past summer. It involved getting a drive from one of my siblings and then being picked up and taken to this particular place. I will admit I am feeling intimidated by her words and confused about my feelings. As for this particular Christmas the monkey wrench really is that weird now down to one car. My brother is going away for work and he was both my brother and I ride. It is particularly difficult to get to the supper by transit and considering the event is on Christmas day that makes it even more complex. I have actually been hemming and hawing as to whether to go with my grandparents who are also going out to this family event. The reason I haven't high is because my father's family is celebrating this day and I am being made to feel like I'm abandoning them for doing so. My sincere hope is that we'll see each other during this holiday. I certainly am tired of being under the Iron Fist of her and I am going to try my best to stand up to her. Something that I don't usually do. She was certainly successful in planting the seeds of doubt and I began to feel that my feelings were him we're just brought on by loneliness and mental illness. However I do have quite a lot of friends and the only reason I'm depressed is that I was looking forward to seeing him all year. I'm going to try and bring up the courage to pose the question of going with my grandparents. It is strange this is something I feared talking to anybody about because I was so ashamed and now I fear talking to my own mother about it about it.
  11. An unfortunate update to the story. I have been told that we are not going for Christmas this year. I don't know why but apparently my mom says we absolutely have to do Christmas with my fathers side on Christmas day. I was furious and distraught. I still don't understand why we don't do what we used to do which is rotate and do Christmas with my father family one year on Christmas day and the Next year rotate it to boxing day. I am completely numb. She told me about three weeks ago and since then I have been in and out of a deep depression. I no longer care about Christmas. We were supposed to go up there in the afternoon to visit as a kind of compromise but my brother is going away for work and has to leave Christmas day in order to get there on time. So no we have no way of getting up there in the afternoon as he has the car. I don't know what to do with myself so I am writing on this forum. My mother and I had a very long talk about my relationship with my cousin. I broke down in tears when she told me that we were'nt going up to the suburbs to see that side of the family. I couldn't stop crying and I even told her that he is one of the few people that makes me truly happy. I told her how I felt about him completely and her response was well, interesting. She told me that the relationship I have with him is an illusion likely brought on by depression and the fact that I associate him with a time long past, a happier time, my childhood. And that anything deeper I felt was just nostalgia manifested by loneliness and not enough to do. She re-iterated that she felt that it was his responsibility to make the effort to see me and that we were only going to go up there every two years from now on. Which made me so furious considering we NEVER see that side of the family and we see my father's side all the damn time. That she made her choice and that my fathers family is more important to her. I have tried many times to see him this year. That side goes up to their summer home where we used to have a place before the recession. He wanted me to come then. I didn't. At thanksgiving I didn't see him. We have been in touch all year and I have been told again and again that it should be him to make the effort. I have wanted to see him but I been told again and again by my mother that that side of the family is so too faced that I shouldn't trust that he really wants to see me. That what we had was nothing more that being cousins. Not even a friendship. I don't know if she was trying to plant the seeds of doubt but it seems to have worked. I feel that my feelings are being manipulated by my family. I thought I knew that I loved him and I am sure I still do. I don't know why this is happening and I am not sure where to go from here. He sent me a text after I told him that I probably wouldn't be able to come and he said the following "Hey! If you are able to come down to the dirty B that afternoon that would be great. If not i'll probably be able to go into T to hang out over the break. I'm sure we'll see each other over the break!" I believe him and I love him and always will. If I am in a toxic relationship it is with my family and the sooner he and I are independent the better. I feel that we are both being kept apart by our families. Both of us, unfortunately, still live at home. Which was fine, but now that it is becoming a toxic block it is harder to bear. I don't feel his family encourages him to see me either. I am hoping that he is telling me the truth and that one way or another we will see each other during the break.
  12. Sorry and I also meant to add a After don't judge too harshly I am sure you're not judging FBW you just have not experienced it for yourself which is completely understandable. Also thank you Serendipity! Once I climb out of purgatory (I am doing odd jobs to jet by but honestly being in-between jobs in an expensive city is like living in purgatory) maybe my cousin and I can have a happy ending of sorts. We will see. I will definitely be sharing the outcome of our conversation in December. Thank you so much again. It was your words Pooch that encouraged me to have a serious discussion with my mother and friend about my cousin. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest. I am finally being honest with my feelings and don't feel like I am somewhere where I will constantly be shamed for feeling this way. Here's hoping there will be another chapter to my love story
  13. Thanks again! My class just finished so I have a quick response. As for my previous relationship on a final note. Things were actually quite happy for sometime before things went south so to speak. We did manage to sort out his possessiveness and I was pursing a career that I thought I enjoyed. There was drama, as with all relationships but we did love each other very much. It was a learning experience for both of us and as for time, I consider it precious time spent. It is extremely complicated, as I said, and difficult to explain in full, which makes it seem much more drama filled than it is. We did actually officially end things almost two years ago so in reality it has been an off again off again thing. I have been very involved in school and work so I haven't really had the time or want to be in a dedicated relationship. I wouldn't judge FBW relationships too harshly. Although it is not conventional, we have both put our drama out the door and focused on being their for each other as friends. I find it is much more constructive for the both of us this way. When I said I didn't want to hurt him, at the time, and I know that was only I week ago, he was beginning to send me mixed messages about our relationship. The marriage and kids conversation didn't even come up until we were three years into our relationship. Neither of us had really thought of it and were caught up in, what at the time, was a bit of a whirlwind romance. We have had an in depth discussion about this relationship I have with my cousin and the feelings I have harbored for him. My friend (I think that's a more accurate way to describe him ) told me how he felt about it and we discussed what he thought I should do about it. I am actually Canadian so it is legal here it is just considered immoral among most people. My friend is not seeing anyone at the moment and we see each other once a week at best. We discuss our careers and the like but we are finally on the same page with regards to our relationship. As for my cousin, I am a complex women and so I am sure there will be much to discuss when I see him. I am by no means going to pursue anything until I have my career and my relationships fully sorted out. My last intent is to laded an already extremely controversial relationship with excess baggage. My hope is that we can both come to an understanding of how the other feels, cards on the table, and maybe where we both are at. Even if things don't pan out I do miss being as close as I used to be with him so I am hoping at the very least for a repaired friendship. I am past the knight in shining armor complex I had and am ready to face reality with an open heart. A lot of things have happened this week. I have come to terms with a great deal and that initial post seems to me like a distant tear filled cry of a desperate girl. whatever may be may be but I am glad to have been able to hash this out among like minded folks with similar conundrums.
  14. I should also make it clear that my cousin and I, our date, was really just catching up to get a coffee. We were probably more affectionate towards each other than we should have been I suppose but this was two years ago and my boyfriend and I had been trying a trial separation so to speak. I should also say I probably do need quite a bit of clarification from my cousin. We have both been told our entire lives that the feelings we have for each other are morally wrong. I was constantly reprimanded by my Aunt and Uncle even just for being so close to him. If he feels anything for me he is burying it deeper than I ever have. B is the suburb he lives in and T is the city I live in. I don't think that I would be pursuing it right away I just think I need to get my love for him off my chest and tell him to relieve 20 years of pain and heartache. I want to know how he truly feels about me and maybe at that point either we will both be too chicken sh** to do anything about it and continue in a relationship half heartedly for the rest of our lives or there will be some sort of discovery. As for my boyfriend he knows and feels that I am morally wrong for feeling the way I do. We both have physical needs that we fulfill for each other, but long term I see no future.
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