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A.R Wright

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  1. A.R Wright

    Had to Get It Off My Chest. Nowhere Else to Turn

    Well good news to this Lord of the Rings length ramble of mine. It seems my cousin and I have reconnected. He was incredibly sick for a while and has explained himself. As for the dating it seems to be a long process. He is still hesitant to see me in person but we have gone back to flirtatiously texting. If anyone is still listening, you've got to be a champ to have made it to page two haha, I am just wondering if I should pursue him further. We have both backed off quite a bit and I have stopped asking him to come into the city. But he seems much more open to texting and we enjoy chatting with each other. Men are confusing sometimes. Should I take this as shyness? I am trying to be patient but I want to enter into a serious relationship and he seems to afraid of the repercussions. Anyways if anyone's still listening how did you deal with the initial hurdle of the beginning stages of a relationship?
  2. A.R Wright

    Had to Get It Off My Chest. Nowhere Else to Turn

    Oh well. I have tried staying in touch. I have been sending him the occasional hello how are you since Christmas. It's very hard to give up on someone when you know you love them and would do anything for them. I just needed to vent. I can't exactly vent to my mother about it and even my therapist thinks my love for my cousin is wrong. Thanks for your help and support. I know we will see eachother at the next family event, that being next October, so it's not the end of the world. Maybe we will be able to have a conversation about our feelings then. I was hoping he would make the effort and come into the city to see me but obviously he doesn't care enough about me to do so or is ashamed that he ever did. I will always love him which is unfortunate for me. I am very grateful to have found somewhere to discuss. It's hard keeping all of this inside for so long. Thanks again.
  3. A.R Wright

    Had to Get It Off My Chest. Nowhere Else to Turn

    What a holiday. Things did not go as planned unfortunately. My grandparents did not end up going. They were afraid to drive in the storm. Things have taken a weird turn since then. I thought I was handling things delicately enough but it seems that, either I am being deeply paranoid, of our family has caught wind of our under the radar romance/my unrequited love for my cousin. Since Christmas he has been sending me deeply impersonal text messages and for almost ten days I have heard nothing from him. The last time we spoke and I told him things might not work out he said and I quote "If you can make it that would be great if not I'll probably be able to come into the city during the break! I'm sure we'll see eachother during the break!" Of course Christmas holidays are over and I have heard nothing. The last message I got from him was "I know it's too bad they couldn't make it. Hope you and the family had a great holiday" a d nothing since then. I feel like maybe I let things slip and revealed too much about my feelings for him. I don't believe he is encouraged to see me and that he is intentionally staying away because of my feelings for him. It's especially troubling since when we're together I can feel his love for me. He used to be so affectionate and caring. Now I feel like I'm out in the cold. I guess love does not conquer all after all.
  4. A.R Wright

    Had to Get It Off My Chest. Nowhere Else to Turn

    He and I would get married one day* Forum *
  5. A.R Wright

    Had to Get It Off My Chest. Nowhere Else to Turn

    Sorry for the various spelling errors. Tis the season to be running around in circles shopping so I typed this response out on my phone. I actually imagined he and I are getting married. We are so similar and is clear to both of us that we love each other. I'm reiterating again that I'm so happy I found this for him and other people who had the courage to pursue true love in the face of adversity and, more importantly, the Wrath or potential Wrath of their families. Possibly the greatest hurdle of all, at least in my eyes
  6. A.R Wright

    Had to Get It Off My Chest. Nowhere Else to Turn

    I certainly understand not reading the whole thing lady see! It is a very long and complicated story :-) as for why I'm not standing up to her. We have a very difficult relationship and even though I have graduated college and I'm starting a first career things are still a bit tense. It's not really so much that I am afraid of disobeying her it's more that going up to the suburbs where he lives has become technically complicated. It's the same reason that I didn't go to Thanksgiving or to the summer home during this past summer. It involved getting a drive from one of my siblings and then being picked up and taken to this particular place. I will admit I am feeling intimidated by her words and confused about my feelings. As for this particular Christmas the monkey wrench really is that weird now down to one car. My brother is going away for work and he was both my brother and I ride. It is particularly difficult to get to the supper by transit and considering the event is on Christmas day that makes it even more complex. I have actually been hemming and hawing as to whether to go with my grandparents who are also going out to this family event. The reason I haven't high is because my father's family is celebrating this day and I am being made to feel like I'm abandoning them for doing so. My sincere hope is that we'll see each other during this holiday. I certainly am tired of being under the Iron Fist of her and I am going to try my best to stand up to her. Something that I don't usually do. She was certainly successful in planting the seeds of doubt and I began to feel that my feelings were him we're just brought on by loneliness and mental illness. However I do have quite a lot of friends and the only reason I'm depressed is that I was looking forward to seeing him all year. I'm going to try and bring up the courage to pose the question of going with my grandparents. It is strange this is something I feared talking to anybody about because I was so ashamed and now I fear talking to my own mother about it about it.
  7. A.R Wright

    Had to Get It Off My Chest. Nowhere Else to Turn

    An unfortunate update to the story. I have been told that we are not going for Christmas this year. I don't know why but apparently my mom says we absolutely have to do Christmas with my fathers side on Christmas day. I was furious and distraught. I still don't understand why we don't do what we used to do which is rotate and do Christmas with my father family one year on Christmas day and the Next year rotate it to boxing day. I am completely numb. She told me about three weeks ago and since then I have been in and out of a deep depression. I no longer care about Christmas. We were supposed to go up there in the afternoon to visit as a kind of compromise but my brother is going away for work and has to leave Christmas day in order to get there on time. So no we have no way of getting up there in the afternoon as he has the car. I don't know what to do with myself so I am writing on this forum. My mother and I had a very long talk about my relationship with my cousin. I broke down in tears when she told me that we were'nt going up to the suburbs to see that side of the family. I couldn't stop crying and I even told her that he is one of the few people that makes me truly happy. I told her how I felt about him completely and her response was well, interesting. She told me that the relationship I have with him is an illusion likely brought on by depression and the fact that I associate him with a time long past, a happier time, my childhood. And that anything deeper I felt was just nostalgia manifested by loneliness and not enough to do. She re-iterated that she felt that it was his responsibility to make the effort to see me and that we were only going to go up there every two years from now on. Which made me so furious considering we NEVER see that side of the family and we see my father's side all the damn time. That she made her choice and that my fathers family is more important to her. I have tried many times to see him this year. That side goes up to their summer home where we used to have a place before the recession. He wanted me to come then. I didn't. At thanksgiving I didn't see him. We have been in touch all year and I have been told again and again that it should be him to make the effort. I have wanted to see him but I been told again and again by my mother that that side of the family is so too faced that I shouldn't trust that he really wants to see me. That what we had was nothing more that being cousins. Not even a friendship. I don't know if she was trying to plant the seeds of doubt but it seems to have worked. I feel that my feelings are being manipulated by my family. I thought I knew that I loved him and I am sure I still do. I don't know why this is happening and I am not sure where to go from here. He sent me a text after I told him that I probably wouldn't be able to come and he said the following "Hey! If you are able to come down to the dirty B that afternoon that would be great. If not i'll probably be able to go into T to hang out over the break. I'm sure we'll see each other over the break!" I believe him and I love him and always will. If I am in a toxic relationship it is with my family and the sooner he and I are independent the better. I feel that we are both being kept apart by our families. Both of us, unfortunately, still live at home. Which was fine, but now that it is becoming a toxic block it is harder to bear. I don't feel his family encourages him to see me either. I am hoping that he is telling me the truth and that one way or another we will see each other during the break.
  8. A.R Wright

    20/20 segment with LadyC and others.

    Thank you for this post. I have been struggling with falling in love with my second cousin. I am so grateful for this forum. This video really gives you some insight as to how ridiculous it is to ban cousin marriage. Why is everyone else allowed happiness but not us?
  9. A.R Wright

    Had to Get It Off My Chest. Nowhere Else to Turn

    Sorry and I also meant to add a After don't judge too harshly I am sure you're not judging FBW you just have not experienced it for yourself which is completely understandable. Also thank you Serendipity! Once I climb out of purgatory (I am doing odd jobs to jet by but honestly being in-between jobs in an expensive city is like living in purgatory) maybe my cousin and I can have a happy ending of sorts. We will see. I will definitely be sharing the outcome of our conversation in December. Thank you so much again. It was your words Pooch that encouraged me to have a serious discussion with my mother and friend about my cousin. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest. I am finally being honest with my feelings and don't feel like I am somewhere where I will constantly be shamed for feeling this way. Here's hoping there will be another chapter to my love story
  10. A.R Wright

    Had to Get It Off My Chest. Nowhere Else to Turn

    Thanks again! My class just finished so I have a quick response. As for my previous relationship on a final note. Things were actually quite happy for sometime before things went south so to speak. We did manage to sort out his possessiveness and I was pursing a career that I thought I enjoyed. There was drama, as with all relationships but we did love each other very much. It was a learning experience for both of us and as for time, I consider it precious time spent. It is extremely complicated, as I said, and difficult to explain in full, which makes it seem much more drama filled than it is. We did actually officially end things almost two years ago so in reality it has been an off again off again thing. I have been very involved in school and work so I haven't really had the time or want to be in a dedicated relationship. I wouldn't judge FBW relationships too harshly. Although it is not conventional, we have both put our drama out the door and focused on being their for each other as friends. I find it is much more constructive for the both of us this way. When I said I didn't want to hurt him, at the time, and I know that was only I week ago, he was beginning to send me mixed messages about our relationship. The marriage and kids conversation didn't even come up until we were three years into our relationship. Neither of us had really thought of it and were caught up in, what at the time, was a bit of a whirlwind romance. We have had an in depth discussion about this relationship I have with my cousin and the feelings I have harbored for him. My friend (I think that's a more accurate way to describe him ) told me how he felt about it and we discussed what he thought I should do about it. I am actually Canadian so it is legal here it is just considered immoral among most people. My friend is not seeing anyone at the moment and we see each other once a week at best. We discuss our careers and the like but we are finally on the same page with regards to our relationship. As for my cousin, I am a complex women and so I am sure there will be much to discuss when I see him. I am by no means going to pursue anything until I have my career and my relationships fully sorted out. My last intent is to laded an already extremely controversial relationship with excess baggage. My hope is that we can both come to an understanding of how the other feels, cards on the table, and maybe where we both are at. Even if things don't pan out I do miss being as close as I used to be with him so I am hoping at the very least for a repaired friendship. I am past the knight in shining armor complex I had and am ready to face reality with an open heart. A lot of things have happened this week. I have come to terms with a great deal and that initial post seems to me like a distant tear filled cry of a desperate girl. whatever may be may be but I am glad to have been able to hash this out among like minded folks with similar conundrums.
  11. A.R Wright

    Had to Get It Off My Chest. Nowhere Else to Turn

    I should also make it clear that my cousin and I, our date, was really just catching up to get a coffee. We were probably more affectionate towards each other than we should have been I suppose but this was two years ago and my boyfriend and I had been trying a trial separation so to speak. I should also say I probably do need quite a bit of clarification from my cousin. We have both been told our entire lives that the feelings we have for each other are morally wrong. I was constantly reprimanded by my Aunt and Uncle even just for being so close to him. If he feels anything for me he is burying it deeper than I ever have. B is the suburb he lives in and T is the city I live in. I don't think that I would be pursuing it right away I just think I need to get my love for him off my chest and tell him to relieve 20 years of pain and heartache. I want to know how he truly feels about me and maybe at that point either we will both be too chicken sh** to do anything about it and continue in a relationship half heartedly for the rest of our lives or there will be some sort of discovery. As for my boyfriend he knows and feels that I am morally wrong for feeling the way I do. We both have physical needs that we fulfill for each other, but long term I see no future.
  12. A.R Wright

    Had to Get It Off My Chest. Nowhere Else to Turn

    Hello again! again I am so glad that I found this forum I cannot tell you. I have felt so lost and alone that I couldn't even tell my therapist. Anyways I do have quite a lengthy response but I was so happy to hear advice I am typing part one during my class break. I have an extremely complex relationship with my current boyfriend. And at this point, to be fair, I wouldn't even consider it a relationship. We are friends with benefits at best. For the first four years of our relationship it was certainly amazing. I had thought, wow I am finally in love again, and was completely dedicated and ready to be serious. Things fell apart rather quickly as I discovered that he is extremely possessive and disappointed me over and over again. I won't go too into it but after about four years I felt that I was ready to move on. We never moved in together and we see each other once or twice a week at best. In the beginning it was more often. I did love him at one point but it has become clear to me that I am no longer in love with him. When I reunited with my cousin four years ago it was clear to me that I was still in love with him. I suppressed this and did make a concerted effort to salvage my current relationship. Recently I did actually confess to my boyfriend that I was in love with my cousin. I asked him why he thought my cousin was staying away from me and he said that because it is morally wrong and that he felt my cousin didn't want to be tempted to "do something stupid". We certainly have hurt each other in the past but for the past three years I have been very much more honest and forthcoming when it comes to my feelings. I do not feel like I am cheating on him as we both know where we stand in terms of our relationship. It is mostly physical and we are fulfilling each others needs. He has made it clear that he is not interested in marriage, I am. He wants kids, I don't. We are on two completely different planes in terms of values and understanding each other. As for my cousin, he probably does feel like I have some baggage but then again who doesn't? Otherwise the world would be a perfect place with no divorce lol. At first I though I was seeing him as a shining knight on a white horse type of situation (you know, come save me from my sorrow and this terrible relationship) But as time went on and my relationship became more transparent I realized that of course, I can only save myself from sadness, and that my relationship was a dead end. I guess I do need a clean break but for the past year we have make it very clear that we are just friends who sleep together not boyfriend and girlfriend. I guess I should have made that more clear. I certainly don't want to B.S anyone especially someone I care about and I do still care about this man I just am no longer in love with him. Something I have told him myself. What I am hoping will come out of this Christmas is more of an understanding of where my cousin stands so to speak. I have just been feeling this way for a very long time. I even told my mother in a very obscure way. She warned me that it is a Davies trait (her side of the family) to get more than they give and not to get myself hurt. She warned me that that side of the family can be selfish and two faced and to make sure that I don't get hurt. I told her I missed him so much and that I wanted to see him so badly. She told me to let him come to me as I was they one to go up to the suburb where he lives and see him rather than him driving to the city to see me. It's 30 minutes in good traffic I should say, 45 in bad. He said he wanted to come to the city where I live. I believe him and I want to believe he hasn't changed for the worse and that he means what he says. As for the quiet attitude, he is a deeply shy and self conscious man my mom also told me not to take his withdrawal personally. She says its amazing that he texts me since that side of the family is so unreliable. There is a long and hurtful history behind her words and I am hoping to discover on December 25th that the love of my life is different.
  13. A.R Wright

    Had to Get It Off My Chest. Nowhere Else to Turn

    Last thing, can't sleep, and I hope I am not misreading signs here but the reason why I feel like his feelings for me have gotten stronger is that when we reunited we went on a date for the first time. Usually we were just spending time we each other at family gatherings and the like. It was a bit awkward but I was very affectionate and he seemed very comfortable and willing for me to stroke his hair, touch his hands etc. As we were leaving I caught him looking at me as though he was going to kiss me. He then awkwardly hugged me and left for work. The second time we saw each other he never wanted to be more than a few feet from me and had his arm around me when people weren't looking. I keep catching him giving me these looks and staring. But when I try and talk to him alone he just gets all quiet. And I have been asking to see him for a year now and he rarely responds. I am flummoxed. Anytime I see him I seem to be the center of his world but if we are not together I feel like he has forgotten about me. Yet when I mentioned I would be coming for Christmas (sometimes we do things on my fathers side that day) he seemed genuinely excited. I am dealing with an Enigma. Anyways that's all I have really in terms of his perspective.
  14. A.R Wright

    Had to Get It Off My Chest. Nowhere Else to Turn

    Also to clarify last year he was living a city three hours from he and now is in a suburb a 35-40 minute drive away. thats what he meant by closer
  15. A.R Wright

    Had to Get It Off My Chest. Nowhere Else to Turn

    Sorry to Clarify my cousin has had two girlfriends in the past and is currently single not my boyfriend lol
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